Ed Gavagan: A story about knots and surgeons

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast

譯者: Anna Dung 審譯者: Anny Chung

You know, we wake up in the morning,

你知道，當我們早上起來的時候，

you get dressed, put on your shoes,

你穿上衣服，套上鞋子，

you head out into the world.

你走入世界，

You plan on coming back, getting undressed,

心裡盤算著之後回家，脫掉衣服，

going to bed,

上床，

waking up, doing it again,

醒來，全部重來一次，

and that anticipation, that rhythm,

也就是這些期盼，節奏，

helps give us a structure

給了我們一個的架構，

to how we organize ourselves and our lives,

讓我們能夠組織我們的日常生活，

and gives it a measure of predictability.

並使之有些許的可預料性。

Living in New York City, as I do,

像我，住在紐約，

it's almost as if, with so many people doing so many things

在一個很小的空間裡，

at the same time in such close quarters,

跟其它很多人一樣同時間手上有很多事要處理，

it's almost like life is dealing you extra hands

就好像手上多了好幾副牌

out of that deck.

機會加倍卻又手忙腳亂。

You're never, there's just, juxtapositions are possible

有些事情雖然存在，

that just aren't, you don't think they're going to happen.

但你就壓根，完全想不到它會發生。

And you never think you're going to be the guy

你也完全想不到自己就是那個人

who's walking down the street

那個走在街上

and, because you choose to go down one side or the other,

因為選擇走在右邊或左邊，

the rest of your life is changed forever.

從此整個人生永遠翻轉的人。

And one night, I'm riding the uptown local train.

有一天晚上，當我正要搭郊區地鐵。

I get on. I tend to be a little bit vigilant

上了車，

when I get on the subway.

當我搭捷運的時候我都比較戒備一點。

I'm not one of the people zoning out with headphones

因為我不是那種戴耳機聽音樂

or a book.

或是看書的人，

And I get on the car, and I look, and I

我乘上車，舉目觀看，

notice this couple,

我發現一對情侶，

college-aged, student-looking kids,

大學生模樣的年輕人，

a guy and a girl, and they're sitting next to each other,

一男一女，併肩而坐，

and she's got her leg draped over his knee,

她把她的腿交纏在他膝上，

and they're doing -- they have this little contraption,

然後手裡不知道在把弄個甚麼小玩意兒，

and they're tying these knots,

試著在玩一些繩結，

and they're doing it with one hand,

且只用單手，

they're doing it left-handed and right-handed very quickly,

左邊結束換右邊，非常快速地，

and then she'll hand the thing to him and he'll do it.

接著，女孩把那東西交給男生接手。

I've never seen anything like this.

我從未見過這樣的東西。

It's almost like they're practicing magic tricks.

就好像他們在練習甚麼魔術戲法般。

And at the next stop, a guy gets on the car,

到了下一站，一個男子上車，

and he has this sort of visiting professor look to him.

他臉上帶著一種學者的氣息。

He's got the overstuffed leather satchel

背著一個蓬蓬的皮肩背包

and the rectangular file case and a laptop bag

連同一個長方形資料夾和筆電

and the tweed jacket with the leather patches,

身上穿著皮補丁軟呢夾克，

and — (Laughter) —

和 ... (笑聲)...

he looks at them, and then

他看了他們倆，

in a blink of an eye, he kneels down in front of them,

轉瞬間，他蹲跪在他們前面，

and he starts to say,

他說，

"You know, listen, here's how you can do it. Look,

"你們聽好，得這樣做，看仔細了，

if you do this -- " and he takes the laces out of their hand,

如果你這樣做...." 接著他就把他們手裡的繩索拿過來

and instantly, he starts tying these knots,

然後立刻打起結來，

and even better than they were doing it, remarkably.

竟然比他們之前做得還要好得多。

And it turns out they are medical students

結果原來這二個年輕人是醫學院的學生

on their way to a lecture about the latest

而且正在去上最新縫合技術課程的路上

suturing techniques, and he's the guy giving the lecture.

而這傢伙就是給他們上課的老師。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

So he starts to tell them, and he's like,

他就告訴他們，他說，

"No, this is very important here. You know,

"不不不，這裡是很重要的。知道嗎，

when you're needing these knots,

當你在打這些結的時候，

it's going to be, you know, everything's

往往所有亂七八糟的事，

going to be happening at the same time, it's going to be --

都會在同時一起發生，也就是說

you're going to have all this information coming at you,

你必須同時處理所有狀況，

there's going to be organs getting in the way,

有時候會有其他內臟在擋在中間，

it's going to be slippery,

會很滑，

and

還有

it's just very important that you be able to do these

更重要的是你必須能超越本能地，

beyond second nature, each hand, left hand, right hand,

左手，右手，任何一隻手都要能夠執行，

you have to be able to do them without seeing your fingers."

你必須得在看不到你手指的情況下去執行這一切

And at that moment, when I heard that,

而此刻，當我聽到這，

I just got catapulted out of the subway car into a night

我回憶猛然帶我出了捷運車廂回到夜晚的路上

when I had been getting a ride in an ambulance

那個我走在人行道上被刺傷的晚上

from the sidewalk where I had been stabbed

被救護車送到

to the trauma room of St. Vincent's Hospital in Manhattan,

曼哈頓聖文森醫院的急診室

and what had happened was

那天

a gang had come in from Brooklyn.

布魯克林區的三個幫派份子

As part of an initiation for three of their members,

基於一個入會儀式

they had to kill somebody,

他們得殺死一個人，

and I happened to be the guy walking down Bleecker Street

而我剛好就是那個走在布里克街的衰鬼。

that night,

那天晚上

and they jumped on me without a word.

他們不發一語地往我身上來，

One of the very lucky things,

不幸中的大幸是，

when I was at Notre Dame, I was on the boxing team,

當我在聖母大學時是拳擊隊的，

so I put my hands up right away, instinctively.

我直覺地馬上把手舉起。

The guy on the right had a knife with a 10-inch blade,

我右邊的男子手10吋長的刀，

and he went in under my elbow,

他從我的手肘下攻擊，

and it went up and cut my inferior vena cava.

然後一路刺進我的下腔靜脈。

If you know anything about anatomy,

如果你有學過一點解剖，

that's not a good thing to get cut,

你就知道這有多危險，

and everything, of course, on the way up,

當然，一路劃上去，

and then — I still had my hands up —

當時，我的手還保持在舉高的位置

he pulled it out and went for my neck,

他把刀拔出來朝著我的脖子，

and sunk it in up to the hilt in my neck,

直入入地送進我的頸部，

and I got one straight right punch

接著我一記右直拳

and knocked the middle guy out.

把中間那個人擊倒。

The other guy was still working on me,

另一個傢伙還在想辦法，

collapsing my other lung,

攻擊我的肺，

and I managed to, by hitting that guy, to get a minute.

我試著裡攻擊另外一個傢伙來爭取一點時間，

I ran down the street and collapsed,

一路順著街道跑，接著就昏倒在地。

and the ambulance guys intubated me on the sidewalk

直到救護人員來到幫我插管

and let the trauma room know

通知急診室

they had an incoming.

告訴他們有病人要來了。

And one of the

大量出血的其中一個

side effects of having major massive blood loss

副作用

is you get tunnel vision,

就是你會有洞視現象，

so I remember being on the stretcher

所以我記得躺在擔架上的時候

and having a little nickel-sized cone of vision,

當時一切景像都變得如此狹窄，

and I was moving my head around

以及我試著轉動頭部

and we got to St. Vincent's,

一直到後來到了聖文森醫院

and we're racing down this hallway,

大家將我火速推進走道

and I see the lights going,

燈火閃爍

and it's a peculiar effect of memories like that.

非常非常特別的記憶

They don't really go to the usual place that memories go.

這樣的記憶不同於一般記憶。

They kind of have this vault where they're stored in high-def,

它們有如以高清畫質儲存於保險櫃中

and George Lucas did all the sound effects. (Laughter)

而且由喬治盧卡斯(知名電影製作人) 負責所有的音效(笑聲)

So sometimes, remembering them, it's like,

所以有的時候，想起這一切，

it's not like any other kind of memories.

回憶的確有別於一般

And I get into the trauma room,

在我被送到急診室時，

and they're waiting for me, and the lights are there,

大家都在等著我，燈光很亮，

and I'd been able to breathe a little more now,

我那時好點了，呼吸較為順暢

because the blood has left, had been filling up my lungs

因為之前大量血液流進我的肺部

and I was having a very hard time breathing,

簡直不能呼吸，

but now it's kind of gone into the stretcher.

但後來血都流出到擔架上了

And I said, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

那時我說: "有沒有甚麼我可以幫忙的呢?"

and — (Laughter) —

接著... (笑聲)

the nurse kind of had a hysterical laugh, and

護士也忍俊不住，

I'm turning my head trying to see everybody,

我轉了轉頭試著看清楚所有人，

and I had this weird memory of being in college

突然間記憶回到大學時期，

and raising,

當時我們

raising money for the flood victims of Bangladesh,

為孟加拉的水災受災戶募款，

and then I look over and my anesthesiologist

我再定睛一看，

is clamping the mask on me, and I think,

當麻醉師正替我擺上面罩時，我心裡想著

"He looks Bangladeshi," — (Laughter) —

"他看起來真像個孟加拉人" ... (笑聲) ...

and I just have those two facts, and I just think,

就這麼二件事，我想

"This could work somehow." (Laughter)

"這說不定也挺有可能的" ... (笑聲) ...

And then I go out, and

然後我出去，

they work on me for the rest of the night,

他們夜以繼日地救治我

and I needed about 40 units of blood to keep me there

他們工作的同時，我輸了大約40袋血

while they did their work,

他們工作的同時，我輸了大約40袋血

and the surgeon took out about a third of my intestines,

醫生拿掉了我約1/3的腸子，

my cecum, organs I didn't know that I had,

還有我不太清楚我還有的盲腸，

and he later told me one of the last things he did

最後他告訴我，最後其中一件

while he was in there was to remove my appendix for me,

他也順便把我的闌尾也割了，

which I thought was great, you know,

我覺得挺好了，你知道的，

just a little tidy thing there at the end. (Laughter)

就是那個腸子尾端的小東西 (笑聲)

And I came to in the morning.

早上醒來

Out of anesthetic, he had let them know

麻醉退去後，醫生告訴大家

that he wanted to be there, and he had given me

他也想在那陪我

about a two percent chance of living.

且推斷我大概有2%的存活率。

So he was there when I woke up,

所以當我醒來的時候他站在那，

and it was, waking up was like

而那感覺，醒來時候感覺就像

breaking through the ice into a frozen lake of pain.

破冰而出後進入漫無邊際的痛楚之中。

It was that enveloping,

整個壟罩住你，

and there was only one spot that didn't hurt

只有一個地方不會痛得記憶以來不曾體驗的糟，

worse than anything I'd ever felt,

只有一個地方不會痛得記憶以來不曾體驗的糟，

and it was my instep,

就是我的腳背，

and he was holding the arch of my foot

醫生握住我的足弓

and rubbing the instep with his thumb.

用大拇頭揉捏我的腳背。

And I looked up, and he's like,

我看著他，他的表情就像，

"Good to see you,"

"真高興你回來了，"

and I was trying to remember what had happened

當我試圖回億到底發生了甚麼事的時候

and trying to get my head around everything,

想辦法釐清所有事情時

and the pain was just overwhelming, and he said,

那疼楚真令人痛不欲生，醫生說，

"You know, we didn't cut your hair. I thought

"你知道，我們沒有幫你剃掉頭髮，我覺得

you might have gotten strength from your hair like Samson,

你可能可以像辛普森一樣從那裡得到一些力量，

and you're going to need all the strength you can get."

所以我們幫你保留了所有的頭髮。"

And in those days, my hair was down to my waist,

在那時候，我長髮及腰，

I drove a motorcycle, I was unmarried,

我開重機，單身，

I owned a bar, so those were different times. (Laughter)

經營一間酒吧，所以一切是很不一樣的。(笑聲)

But

然而

I had three days of life support,

我有整整三天靠著生命維持器，

and everybody was expecting,

所有人都在等著，

due to just the massive amount of what they had had to do

因為經過了這麼多的事

that I wasn't going to make it,

沒有人覺得我會撐過去，

so it was three days of

那整整三天

everybody was either waiting for me to die or poop,

大家不是等著我嗝屁就是放屁，

and — (Laughter) —

然後... (笑聲) ...

when I finally pooped, then that somehow,

最後當我不知為何地放了個屁，

surgically speaking, that's like you crossed some good line,

套句行話，就好像你已經跨過了生死線了，

and, um — (Laughter) —

然後，痾 ... (笑聲) ...

on that day, the surgeon came in

那天以後，醫生進來

and whipped the sheet off of me.

幫我拉開被單。

He had three or four friends with him,

他帶著三四個朋友

and he does that, and they all look,

他這麼做的同時，他們都睜大眼瞧著，

and there was no infection,

沒有任何感染，

and they bend over me and they're poking and prodding,

他們彎下腰來看個仔細，還戳了戳推了推地，

and they're like, "There's no hematomas, blah blah,

說了些 "完全沒有血腫，等等之類的...

look at the color," and they're talking amongst themselves

... 你看這顏色"，他們自顧自地討論起來了

and I'm, like, this restored automobile

我呢，這被修理好的破罐子

that he's just going, "Yeah, I did that." (Laughter)

那醫生得意地說"沒錯，我做到了!"(笑聲)

And it was just,

這簡直

it was amazing, because these guys are high-fiving him

不可思議，因為這些人為我的復原情況

over how good I turned out, you know? (Laughter)

興高采烈，你相信嗎?(笑聲)

And it's my zipper, and I've still got the staples in

我還負傷在身，還有拉鍊

and everything.

甚麼的。

And

然後

later on, when I got out

之後，我出了院

and the flashbacks and the

時光畫面倒轉

nightmares were giving me a hard time,

午夜夢迴時的夢饜總令人難以為繼，

I went back to him

我回去找他

and I was sort of asking him,

好像是問他，

you know, what am I gonna do?

你知道嗎，我該怎麼辦?

And I think, kind of, as a surgeon, he basically said,

我想，做為一個醫生，他大概是這樣說：

"Kid, I saved your life.

"年輕人，我把你救回來。

Like, now you can do whatever you want, like,

現在你可以做任何你想做的事，

you gotta get on with that.

你得習慣這一切。

It's like I gave you a new car

這就好像我給你一部新車

and you're complaining about not finding parking.

結果你跟我抱怨找不到停車位。

Like, just, go out, and, you know, do your best.

你就盡你所能做到最好。

But you're alive. That's what it's about."

重點是你還活著。這就夠了。"

And then I hear, "Bing-bong," and the subway doors

然後我聽到，"砰磅"，捷運的門要關了

are closing, and my stop is next, and I look at these kids,

我下一站下車，看著那對年輕人，

and I go, I think to myself,

想著想著，

"I'm going to lift my shirt up

"我要把我的衣服撩起來

and show them," — (Laughter) —

給他們瞧瞧，" ...(笑聲)...

and then I think, "No, this is the New York City subway,

然後我又想，"不，這可是紐約"

that's going to lead to other things." (Laughter)

誰知道捷運會發生甚麼事。"(笑聲)

And so I just think, they got their lecture to go to.

我想，反正他們還得去上課

I step off, I'm standing on the platform,

我下了車，站在月台上

and I feel my index finger

把食指

in

放在

the first scar that I ever got,

我有生以來的第一個傷痕

from my umbilical cord,

從臍帶，

and then around that, is traced

沿著到這裡，

the last scar that I got

醫生在我身上留下

from my surgeon,

最後的傷痕，

and I think that, that chance encounter

我覺得，就是因為

with those kids on the street with their knives

遇到那些少年被刺

led me

帶領我

to my surgical team,

到我的醫療團隊，

and their training

他們的訓練

and their skill

和技術

and, always, a little bit of luck

和，總是那不可缺乏的一點運氣

pushed back against chaos.

救我脫離混沌黑暗。

Thank you. (Applause)

謝謝。 (掌聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Thank you. Very lucky to be here. Thank you. (Applause)

謝謝。非常幸運能夠站在這裡。謝謝。(掌聲)