Ed Gavagan: A story about knots and surgeons

134,889 views ・ 2012-09-24

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Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Morton Bast
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You know, we wake up in the morning,
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you get dressed, put on your shoes,
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you head out into the world.
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You plan on coming back, getting undressed,
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going to bed,
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waking up, doing it again,
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and that anticipation, that rhythm,
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helps give us a structure
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to how we organize ourselves and our lives,
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and gives it a measure of predictability.
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Living in New York City, as I do,
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it's almost as if, with so many people doing so many things
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at the same time in such close quarters,
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it's almost like life is dealing you extra hands
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out of that deck.
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You're never, there's just, juxtapositions are possible
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that just aren't, you don't think they're going to happen.
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And you never think you're going to be the guy
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who's walking down the street
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and, because you choose to go down one side or the other,
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the rest of your life is changed forever.
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And one night, I'm riding the uptown local train.
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I get on. I tend to be a little bit vigilant
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when I get on the subway.
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I'm not one of the people zoning out with headphones
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or a book.
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And I get on the car, and I look, and I
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notice this couple,
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college-aged, student-looking kids,
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a guy and a girl, and they're sitting next to each other,
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and she's got her leg draped over his knee,
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and they're doing -- they have this little contraption,
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and they're tying these knots,
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and they're doing it with one hand,
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they're doing it left-handed and right-handed very quickly,
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and then she'll hand the thing to him and he'll do it.
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I've never seen anything like this.
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It's almost like they're practicing magic tricks.
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And at the next stop, a guy gets on the car,
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and he has this sort of visiting professor look to him.
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He's got the overstuffed leather satchel
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and the rectangular file case and a laptop bag
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and the tweed jacket with the leather patches,
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and — (Laughter) —
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he looks at them, and then
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in a blink of an eye, he kneels down in front of them,
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and he starts to say,
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"You know, listen, here's how you can do it. Look,
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if you do this -- " and he takes the laces out of their hand,
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and instantly, he starts tying these knots,
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and even better than they were doing it, remarkably.
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And it turns out they are medical students
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on their way to a lecture about the latest
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suturing techniques, and he's the guy giving the lecture.
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(Laughter)
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So he starts to tell them, and he's like,
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"No, this is very important here. You know,
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when you're needing these knots,
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it's going to be, you know, everything's
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going to be happening at the same time, it's going to be --
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you're going to have all this information coming at you,
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there's going to be organs getting in the way,
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it's going to be slippery,
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and
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it's just very important that you be able to do these
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beyond second nature, each hand, left hand, right hand,
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you have to be able to do them without seeing your fingers."
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And at that moment, when I heard that,
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I just got catapulted out of the subway car into a night
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when I had been getting a ride in an ambulance
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from the sidewalk where I had been stabbed
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to the trauma room of St. Vincent's Hospital in Manhattan,
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and what had happened was
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a gang had come in from Brooklyn.
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As part of an initiation for three of their members,
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they had to kill somebody,
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and I happened to be the guy walking down Bleecker Street
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that night,
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and they jumped on me without a word.
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One of the very lucky things,
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when I was at Notre Dame, I was on the boxing team,
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so I put my hands up right away, instinctively.
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The guy on the right had a knife with a 10-inch blade,
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and he went in under my elbow,
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and it went up and cut my inferior vena cava.
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If you know anything about anatomy,
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that's not a good thing to get cut,
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and everything, of course, on the way up,
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and then — I still had my hands up —
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he pulled it out and went for my neck,
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and sunk it in up to the hilt in my neck,
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and I got one straight right punch
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and knocked the middle guy out.
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The other guy was still working on me,
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collapsing my other lung,
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and I managed to, by hitting that guy, to get a minute.
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I ran down the street and collapsed,
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and the ambulance guys intubated me on the sidewalk
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and let the trauma room know
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they had an incoming.
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And one of the
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side effects of having major massive blood loss
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is you get tunnel vision,
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so I remember being on the stretcher
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and having a little nickel-sized cone of vision,
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and I was moving my head around
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and we got to St. Vincent's,
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and we're racing down this hallway,
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and I see the lights going,
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and it's a peculiar effect of memories like that.
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They don't really go to the usual place that memories go.
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They kind of have this vault where they're stored in high-def,
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and George Lucas did all the sound effects. (Laughter)
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So sometimes, remembering them, it's like,
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it's not like any other kind of memories.
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And I get into the trauma room,
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and they're waiting for me, and the lights are there,
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and I'd been able to breathe a little more now,
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because the blood has left, had been filling up my lungs
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and I was having a very hard time breathing,
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but now it's kind of gone into the stretcher.
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And I said, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
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and — (Laughter) —
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the nurse kind of had a hysterical laugh, and
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I'm turning my head trying to see everybody,
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and I had this weird memory of being in college
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and raising,
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raising money for the flood victims of Bangladesh,
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and then I look over and my anesthesiologist
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is clamping the mask on me, and I think,
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"He looks Bangladeshi," — (Laughter) —
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and I just have those two facts, and I just think,
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"This could work somehow." (Laughter)
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And then I go out, and
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they work on me for the rest of the night,
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and I needed about 40 units of blood to keep me there
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while they did their work,
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and the surgeon took out about a third of my intestines,
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my cecum, organs I didn't know that I had,
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and he later told me one of the last things he did
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while he was in there was to remove my appendix for me,
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which I thought was great, you know,
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just a little tidy thing there at the end. (Laughter)
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And I came to in the morning.
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Out of anesthetic, he had let them know
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that he wanted to be there, and he had given me
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about a two percent chance of living.
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So he was there when I woke up,
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and it was, waking up was like
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breaking through the ice into a frozen lake of pain.
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It was that enveloping,
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and there was only one spot that didn't hurt
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worse than anything I'd ever felt,
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and it was my instep,
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and he was holding the arch of my foot
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and rubbing the instep with his thumb.
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And I looked up, and he's like,
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"Good to see you,"
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and I was trying to remember what had happened
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and trying to get my head around everything,
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and the pain was just overwhelming, and he said,
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"You know, we didn't cut your hair. I thought
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you might have gotten strength from your hair like Samson,
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and you're going to need all the strength you can get."
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And in those days, my hair was down to my waist,
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I drove a motorcycle, I was unmarried,
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I owned a bar, so those were different times. (Laughter)
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But
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I had three days of life support,
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and everybody was expecting,
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due to just the massive amount of what they had had to do
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that I wasn't going to make it,
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so it was three days of
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everybody was either waiting for me to die or poop,
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and — (Laughter) —
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when I finally pooped, then that somehow,
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surgically speaking, that's like you crossed some good line,
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and, um — (Laughter) —
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on that day, the surgeon came in
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and whipped the sheet off of me.
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He had three or four friends with him,
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and he does that, and they all look,
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and there was no infection,
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and they bend over me and they're poking and prodding,
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and they're like, "There's no hematomas, blah blah,
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look at the color," and they're talking amongst themselves
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and I'm, like, this restored automobile
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that he's just going, "Yeah, I did that." (Laughter)
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And it was just,
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it was amazing, because these guys are high-fiving him
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over how good I turned out, you know? (Laughter)
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And it's my zipper, and I've still got the staples in
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and everything.
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And
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later on, when I got out
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and the flashbacks and the
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nightmares were giving me a hard time,
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I went back to him
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and I was sort of asking him,
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you know, what am I gonna do?
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And I think, kind of, as a surgeon, he basically said,
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"Kid, I saved your life.
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Like, now you can do whatever you want, like,
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you gotta get on with that.
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It's like I gave you a new car
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and you're complaining about not finding parking.
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Like, just, go out, and, you know, do your best.
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But you're alive. That's what it's about."
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And then I hear, "Bing-bong," and the subway doors
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are closing, and my stop is next, and I look at these kids,
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and I go, I think to myself,
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"I'm going to lift my shirt up
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and show them," — (Laughter) —
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and then I think, "No, this is the New York City subway,
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that's going to lead to other things." (Laughter)
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And so I just think, they got their lecture to go to.
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I step off, I'm standing on the platform,
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and I feel my index finger
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in
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the first scar that I ever got,
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from my umbilical cord,
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and then around that, is traced
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the last scar that I got
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from my surgeon,
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and I think that, that chance encounter
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with those kids on the street with their knives
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led me
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to my surgical team,
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and their training
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and their skill
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and, always, a little bit of luck
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pushed back against chaos.
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Thank you. (Applause)
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(Applause)
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Thank you. Very lucky to be here. Thank you. (Applause)
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