Eve Ensler: Security and insecurity

譯者: Ai-Ying (Erin) Chiang 審譯者: Vicky Chen

I think it'll be a relief to some people and a disappointment to others

我想現場大概有人會失望，有人則是鬆了一口氣

that I'm not going to talk about vaginas today.

因為今天的主題不是陰道

I began "The Vagina Monologues" because I was worried about vaginas.

因為對陰道的處境感到憂心，所以我創作了陰道獨白

I'm very worried today about this notion, this world,

現在我擔心的則是我們的想法和世界

this prevailing kind of force of security.

以及其中盛行的，對安全的執迷

I see this word, hear this word, feel this word everywhere.

不管身在何處，所見所聞所感都擺脫不了這兩個字

Real security, security checks, security watch, security clearance.

真正的安全、安檢、安全警戒、安全許可

Why has all this focus on security made me feel so much more insecure?

為什麼這樣注重安全，反而讓我們覺得越來越不安全？

What does anyone mean when they talk about real security?

每個人在說到真正的安全的時候，心裡是怎麼想的？

And why have we, as Americans particularly,

為什麼，尤其是我們美國人

become a nation that strives for security above all else?

把安全看得比一切都重要？

In fact, I think that security is elusive. It's impossible.

說真的，我認為安全空泛而不可能

We all die. We all get old. We all get sick. People leave us.

人人都會死去、衰老、生病、經驗分離

People change us. Nothing is secure.

我們因為他人而變，沒有任何事物是穩當的

And that's actually the good news.

而這其實是好事

This is, of course, unless your whole life is about being secure.

除非你的人生目標就是穩當安全

I think that when that is the focus of your life,

我覺得人生的重心要是如此

these are the things that happen.

後果就是

You can't travel very far or venture too far outside a certain circle.

沒有辦法遠行，或是走出某個範圍太遠

You can't allow too many conflicting ideas into your mind at one time,

心裡不能同時存在太多衝突的想法

as they might confuse you or challenge you.

唯恐造成混亂或挑戰

You can't open yourself to new experiences, new people,

無法以開放的心體驗新的人、事、物

new ways of doing things -- they might take you off course.

還有做事的新方法，因為這可能讓我們偏離常軌

You can't not know who you are, so you cling to hard-matter identity.

因為不了解自己，只好向某個強勢身分靠攏

You become a Christian, Muslim, Jew.

因此我們成了基督、回教、猶太教徒

You're an Indian, Egyptian, Italian, American.

變成印度人、埃及人、義大利人、美國人

You're a heterosexual or a homosexual, or you never have sex.

是異性戀或同性戀，或者無性

Or at least, that's what you say when you identify yourself.

或者至少，這是你自我認同的一部份

You become part of an "us."

你，變成了某個「我們」的一部份

In order to be secure, you defend against "them."

而為了安全，你必須對抗「他們」

You cling to your land because it is your secure place.

死守著自己的土地，因為那是你的安全範圍

You must fight anyone who encroaches upon it.

必須對抗任何侵略者

You become your nation. You become your religion.

你變成了你的國家、你的宗教

You become whatever it is that will freeze you, numb you

你變成了能夠讓自己維持現狀、麻木的一切

and protect you from doubt or change.

藉此保護自己免於懷疑或改變

But all this does, actually, is shut down your mind.

然而這一切真正做到的只是關上你的心

In reality, it does not really make you safer.

實際上並沒有真正讓你更加安全

I was in Sri Lanka, for example, three days after the tsunami,

舉例來說，海嘯過後第三天，我到了斯里蘭卡

and I was standing on the beaches

當時站在沙灘上的我

and it was absolutely clear that, in a matter of five minutes,

清楚的知道，可能在短短五分鐘內

a 30-foot wave could rise up

30 呎的大浪就會襲來

and desecrate a people, a population and lives.

捲走一群人、一個族群和許多生命

All this striving for security, in fact,

所有對安全的渴求，其實

has made you much more insecure

只是讓我們更不安全

because now you have to watch out all the time.

因為現在，時時刻刻都要小心

There are people not like you -- people who you now call enemies.

那些和你不同的人，那些現在成為了敵人的人

You have places you cannot go, thoughts you cannot think,

有些地方不能去了，有些想法不能想了

worlds that you can no longer inhabit.

有些區域的世界無法居住了

And so you spend your days fighting things off, defending your territory

因此，每天都要抵抗、捍衛自己的領土

and becoming more entrenched in your fundamental thinking.

同時更加耽溺於自己的中心想法

Your days become devoted to protecting yourself.

每天就是保護自己

This becomes your mission. That is all you do.

這成了你的使命，你所作的一切

Ideas get shorter. They become sound bytes.

想法越變越短，甚至成了短短的詞

There are evildoers and saints, criminals and victims.

成了惡人和聖人、犯人和受害人

There are those who, if they're not with us, are against us.

而那些不贊同我們的，就是敵人

It gets easier to hurt people because you do not feel what's inside them.

對他人若無同理心，傷害人就更簡單了

It gets easier to lock them up, force them to be naked, humiliate them,

囚禁、強迫他們脫光衣服、羞辱他們

occupy them, invade them and kill them,

佔領、侵略還有殺害他們就沒那麼難

because they are only obstacles now to your security.

因為他們只是你獲得安全的障礙物

In six years, I've had the extraordinary privilege through V-Day,

這六年來，我很幸運可以透過 V-Day

a global movement against [violence against] women,

這個反對暴力侵害女性的全球運動

to travel probably to 60 countries,

走訪了約 60 個國家

and spend a great deal of time in different portions.

並且在各地停留很長的時間

I've met women and men all over this planet,

與來自世界各地的男性女性見面

who through various circumstances --

這些人都經歷了許多

war, poverty, racism, multiple forms of violence --

戰爭、貧窮、種族歧視、各種暴力

have never known security,

他們從沒嘗過安全的滋味

or have had their illusion of security forever devastated.

或早已對安全不寄望任何幻想

I've spent time with women in Afghanistan under the Taliban,

我曾與塔利班統治下的阿富汗婦女相處

who were essentially brutalized and censored.

她們遭遇殘暴欺凌、飽受壓迫

I've been in Bosnian refugee camps.

我也曾去過波士尼亞難民營

I was with women in Pakistan

曾經見過巴基斯坦的婦女

who have had their faces melted off with acid.

臉遭強酸毀容

I've been with girls all across America who were date-raped,

也曾見過來自美國各地，遭遇約會強暴

or raped by their best friends when they were drugged one night.

或是被好友下藥迷姦

One of the amazing things that I've discovered in my travels

在旅途中，我所發現的其中一件驚人的事

is that there is this emerging species.

就是一個日漸茁壯的族群

I loved when he was talking about this other world that's right next to this world.

看到在現實邊緣的另一個世界，我很喜歡主持人的這個說法

I've discovered these people, who, in V-Day world,

我發現了這一群在 V-Day 的辭彙中

we call Vagina Warriors.

稱作陰道鬥士的人

These particular people, rather than getting AK-47s,

這群特別的人，手裡拿的不是 AK-47 步槍

or weapons of mass destruction, or machetes,

也沒有大規模毀滅性武器或開山刀

in the spirit of the warrior, have gone into the center, the heart of pain, of loss.

只憑著一股鬥士精神，深入痛苦與失落的核心

They have grieved it, they have died into it,

在悲傷之後，在枯槁之後

and allowed and encouraged poison to turn into medicine.

將毒藥化為良藥

They have used the fuel of their pain to begin to redirect that energy

將源源不絕的痛苦轉化為能量

towards another mission and another trajectory.

成就其他任務，走出另一條路

These warriors now devote themselves and their lives

這些鬥士奉獻自己和生命

to making sure what happened to them doesn't happen to anyone else.

確保他們過往的經歷，不會在他人身上重演

There are thousands if not millions of them on the planet.

在這世上，這樣的人沒有幾百萬也有幾千

I venture there are many in this room.

我敢說在場就有許多

They have a fierceness and a freedom

他們果敢而且享有自由

that I believe is the bedrock of a new paradigm.

我相信那就是新行為模式的基礎

They have broken out of the existing frame of victim and perpetrator.

他們走出了加害人與被害者的既有框架

Their own personal security is not their end goal,

他們的最終目的並非維護自身安全

and because of that, because, rather than worrying about security,

而正因為如此，因為擔心的並不是安全

because the transformation of suffering is their end goal,

而是將轉化磨難當作終極目標

I actually believe they are creating real safety

我真的相信他們正在構築真正的安全

and a whole new idea of security.

並且重新定義安全

I want to talk about a few of these people that I've met.

我想談談我見到的幾個鬥士們

Tomorrow, I am going to Cairo,

明天我將啟程前往開羅

and I'm so moved that I will be with women in Cairo

我非常感動能夠加入開羅的女性

who are V-Day women, who are opening the first safe house

這些 V-day 的女鬥士們，為第一間收容所進行開幕

for battered women in the Middle East.

收容中東受苦的女性們

That will happen because women in Cairo made a decision to stand up

這一切都是因為開羅女性決心挺身而出

and put themselves on the line,

親自站上火線

and talk about the degree of violence that is happening in Egypt,

讓大家知道埃及目前的暴力現狀

and were willing to be attacked and criticized.

她們甘願承受攻擊和批判

And through their work over the last years,

而且她們多年來的努力

this is not only happening that this house is opening,

不但催生了收容所的開幕

but it's being supported by many factions of the society

還讓許多社會黨派

who never would have supported it.

一反過去的抗拒，轉而支持

Women in Uganda this year,

今年在烏干達的女性

who put on "The Vagina Monologues" during V-Day,

想利用 V-day 上演陰道獨白

actually evoked the wrath of the government.

此舉激起政壇軒然大波

And, I love this story so much.

我很愛分享這個故事

There was a cabinet meeting and a meeting of the presidents

因為他們召開內閣會議，所有部會首長都出席

to talk about whether "Vaginas" could come to Uganda.

討論陰道獨白能不能在烏干達上演

And in this meeting -- it went on for weeks in the press,

媒體報導了好幾個星期，這個會議

two weeks where there was huge discussion.

反覆討論了兩個星期之後

The government finally made a decision

政府終於做了最終決定

that "The Vagina Monologues" could not be performed in Uganda.

禁止陰道獨白在烏干達演出

But the amazing news was that because they had stood up, these women,

不過奇妙的是，這些女性站出來

and because they had been willing to risk their security,

甘願冒險犧牲自身安全的舉動

it began a discussion that not only happened in Uganda,

掀起了討論，而且不只在烏干達

but all of Africa.

也延燒到非洲各地

As a result, this production, which had already sold out,

因此最後這場票早已全賣光

every single person in that 800-seat audience, except for 10 people,

買了那 800 張票的所有觀眾，除了 10 個人外

made a decision to keep the money.

都選擇不退票

They raised 10,000 dollars on a production that never occurred.

這場從未揭幕的演出就這樣募到 1 萬美元

There's a young woman named Carrie Rethlefsen in Minnesota.

在明尼蘇達州，也有個名叫 Kerry Ruffleson 的女生

She's a high school student.

她還是高中生

She had seen "The Vagina Monologues" and she was really moved. And as a result,

她看完陰道獨白後大為感動

she wore an "I heart my vagina" button to her high school in Minnesota.

因此帶著「我愛我的陰道」胸章到她明尼蘇達州的高中上課

(Laughter)

(大笑)

She was basically threatened to be expelled from school.

學校幾乎揚言要將她退學

They told her she couldn't love her vagina in high school,

校方告訴她，在高中她不能愛自己的陰道

that it was not a legal thing, that it was not a moral thing,

因為道德跟法律都不容許

that it was not a good thing.

因為這樣的舉動並不是好事

So she really struggled with this, what to do,

因此她十分掙扎，不知如何是好

because she was a senior and she was doing well in her school

因為她是高年級生，而且成績很好

and she was threatened expulsion. So what she did is she got all her friends together --

現在學校揚言要退學，所以她的做法是集合所有的朋友

I believe it was 100, 150 students

我想應該有 100、150 名學生吧

all wore "I love my vagina" T-shirts,

她們全都穿上「我愛我的陰道」T 恤

and the boys wore "I love her vagina" T-shirts to school.

男生則穿「我愛她的陰道」T 恤到學校

(Laughter)

(大笑)

Now this seems like a fairly, you know, frivolous,

這樣的舉動看起來十分輕浮

but what happened as a result of that, is that that school now

不過，也因為如此，學校現在

is forming a sex education class. It's beginning to talk about sex,

設計了性教育課，開始談論性

it's beginning to look at why it would be wrong

開始探討為什麼

for a young high school girl to talk about her vagina publicly

高中女生不能公開談論她的陰道

or to say that she loved her vagina publicly.

或公開宣告她愛她的陰道

I know I've talked about Agnes here before,

我知道先前已經在這裡談過 Agnes

but I want to give you an update on Agnes.

不過我想讓你們知道她的近況

I met Agnes three years ago in the Rift Valley.

三年前我在 Rift Valley 遇見 Agnes

When she was a young girl, she had been mutilated against her will.

她小時候就被迫施行割禮

That mutilation of her clitoris

她的陰核遭到割除之後

had actually obviously impacted her life

對她的生活造成極大的影響

and changed it in a way that was devastating.

甚至讓她彷如置身地獄

She made a decision not to go and get a razor or a glass shard,

她決定不要拿把刀或碎玻璃了結自己

but to devote her life to stopping that happening to other girls.

而要奉獻一生，致力阻止同樣的事在其他女性身上重演

For eight years, she walked through the Rift Valley.

8 年以來，她走遍 Rift Valley

She had this amazing box that she carried and it had a

帶著一個很有趣的箱子

torso of a woman's body in it, a half a torso,

箱子裡裝的是女性的半個身體

and she would teach people, everywhere she went,

她每到一處就教當地人

what a healthy vagina looked like and what a mutilated vagina looked like.

了解健康和割禮後的陰道外觀

In the years that she walked, she educated parents, mothers, fathers.

在這徒步奔波的幾年內，她教育了父母、母親和父親

She saved 1,500 girls from being cut.

拯救了 1500 名女性免於割禮

When V-Day met her, we asked her how we could support her

V-Day 找到她時，我們問她能幫什麼忙

and she said, "Well, if you got me a Jeep,

她說給我一台吉普車

I could get around a lot faster." So, we bought her a Jeep.

我就能更快到達各地，就這樣我們為她買了吉普車

In the year she had the Jeep, she saved 4,500 girls from being cut.

有了車那年，她救了 4500 名女性免於割禮

So, we said, what else could we do?

我們又問，還能幫什麼忙？

She said, "If you help me get money, I could open a house."

她說要是能幫我募到款，我就能蓋收容所

Three years ago, Agnes opened a safe house in Africa to stop mutilation.

三年前，Agnes 在非洲開了杜絕割禮的收容所

When she began her mission eight years ago, she was reviled,

8 年前她剛起步的時候，飽受屈辱

she was detested, she was completely slandered in her community.

遭到鄙視，她的族人將她趕出去

I am proud to tell you that six months ago,

現在，我能很驕傲的告訴大家，6 個月前

she was elected the deputy mayor of Narok.

她當選了 Narok 的副市長

(Applause)

(鼓掌)

I think what I'm trying to say here

我想我要分享的是

is that if your end goal is security,

如果我們的目標只是安全

and if that's all you're focusing on, what ends up happening

如果那是我們唯一關注的事

is that you create not only more insecurity in other people,

結果不只是讓他人更不安全

but you make yourself far more insecure.

還讓自己更加不安全

Real security is contemplating death, not pretending it doesn't exist.

真正的安全是深思死亡的意義，而不是假裝它不存在

Not running from loss, but entering grief, surrendering to sorrow.

不是逃避失落，而是深入傷痛、接受悲傷

Real security is not knowing something, when you don't know it.

真正的安全是不知為不知

Real security is hungering for connection rather than power.

真正的安全是渴望建立連結而非積累武力

It cannot be bought or arranged or made with bombs.

真正的安全無法購買、安排或以軍力達成

It is deeper, it is a process, it is acute awareness

而是更加深層的一種進展過程，是種深刻的體認

that we are all utterly inter-bended,

體認到人與人之間擁有強烈緊密的內在連結

and one action by one being in one tiny town

小城市裡某人的行為

has consequences everywhere.

會在其他各處產生影響

Real security is not only being able

真正的安全不只是能夠

to tolerate mystery, complexity, ambiguity, but hungering for them

包容不幸、複雜、模糊，不只是對其抱持著渴望

and only trusting a situation when they are present.

不只因為你看得到，才相信某個狀況確實存在。

Something happened when I began traveling in V-Day, eight years ago. I got lost.

8 年前，我在 V-Day 巡迴時迷了路

I remember being on a plane going from Kenya to South Africa,

記得當時在肯亞到南非的飛機上

and I had no idea where I was.

我完全不知道自己置身何處

I didn't know where I was going, where I'd come from,

不知道要到哪裡去，又是從哪裡來的

and I panicked. I had a total anxiety attack.

我慌了，整個人焦慮到崩潰

And then I suddenly realized that it absolutely didn't matter

然後，我突然了解到

where I was going, or where I had come from

我的起點終點為何完全不重要

because we are all essentially permanently displaced people.

因為說到底，我們全都是永遠被錯置的人們

All of us are refugees.

我們全都是飄泊的難民

We come from somewhere and we are hopefully traveling all the time,

我們來自某處，而且隨時都在旅行

moving towards a new place.

遷移到新的地方

Freedom means I may not be identified as any one group,

自由的真義就是我不必被劃歸於某個團體

but that I can visit and find myself in every group.

不過卻可以接觸任何團體，並且在其中找到自我

It does not mean that I don't have values or beliefs,

這不表示喪失自我價值觀或信仰

but it does mean I am not hardened around them.

而是表示我並不會被它們箝制

I do not use them as weapons.

也不用它們作為武器

In the shared future, it will be just that, shared.

在我們共享的未來，就會是這樣，只能共享

The end goal will [be] becoming vulnerable,

終極目標會越來越脆弱

realizing the place of our connection to one another,

了解我們必須與他人建立連結之處

rather than becoming secure, in control and alone.

而不是一切都安穩平順、完全掌控，孤獨而終

Thank you very much.

謝謝各位

(Applause)

(鼓掌)

Chris Anderson: And how are you doing? Are you exhausted?

請問妳現在感覺如何？很累嗎？

On a typical day, do you wake up with hope or gloom?

平常每天起床妳是滿懷希望還是滿心憂鬱？

Eve Ensler: You know, I think Carl Jung once said

知道嗎？我想心裡學家容格曾說

that in order to survive the twentieth century,

要在 20 世紀生存

we have to live with two existing thoughts, opposite thoughts, at the same time.

就要與兩種同時存在卻完全相反的想法共生

And I think part of what I'm learning in this process

我想在這樣的過程中，我學到的一部份

is that one must allow oneself to feel grief.

就是一個人必須允許自己感受悲傷

And I think as long as I keep grieving, and weeping,

我相信只要自己能繼續感到悲傷流淚

and then moving on, I'm fine.

然後擦乾淚繼續向前，那就沒事

When I start to pretend that what I'm seeing isn't impacting me,

反之，要是開始假裝所見所聞不再影響自己

and isn't changing my heart, then I get in trouble.

不再改變我的心靈，那才真是麻煩了

Because when you spend a lot of time going from place to place,

因為，當妳大部分的時間都在到處奔波

country to country, and city to city,

到各個國家、走遍各個城市

the degree to which women, for example, are violated,

看到女性，舉例來說，受到侵犯的比率

and the epidemic of it, and the kind of ordinariness of it,

看到這樣嚴重的問題，如此廣泛頻繁的發生

is so devastating to one's soul that you have to take the time,

對一個人的靈魂是無以復加的傷痛，需要時間才能平復

or I have to take the time now, to process that.

至少對我是需要時間慢慢調適

CA: There are a lot of causes out there in the world that have been talked about,

這個世界上還有其他很多受到討論的各種議題

you know, poverty, sickness and so on. You spent eight years on this one.

例如貧窮、疾病等許多問題，而妳在這個單一議題就花了八年

Why this one?

為什麼選了這一個？

EE: I think that if you think about women,

我的想法是，當我們想到女性

women are the primary resource of the planet. They give birth,

女性是地球的主要資源，因為她們生育

we come from them, they are mothers, they are visionaries,

她們是我們的本源，她們是母親而且有遠見

they are the future. If you think that the U.N. now says

她們是未來。大家想想聯合國發表的數據

that one out of three women on the planet

地球上 3 分之 1 的女性

will be raped or beaten in their lifetime,

在其一生中會遭到強暴或毆打

we're talking about the desecration of the primary resource of the planet,

這就是傷害地球主要資源

we're talking about the place where we come from, we're talking about parenting.

影響的是我們的本源、我們的生育養成

Imagine that you've been raped and you're bringing up a boy child.

試想要是妳遭到強暴而且懷孕了，得養大肚子裡的小男孩

How does it impact your ability to work, or envision a future,

這對妳的工作能力、對未來的計畫想望會有什麼影響？

or thrive, as opposed to just survive? What I believe is

或是在生存之外，對妳的成長茁壯又有何影響？

if we could figure out how to make women safe and honor women,

我相信要是能夠保護並尊重女性

it would be parallel or equal to honoring life itself.

就是等於尊重生命