Sherwin Nuland: How electroshock therapy changed me

翻译人员: Lawrence Wang 校对人员: Zhu Jie

I'd like to do pretty much what I did the first time,

我想能和第一次演讲一样，

which is to choose a lighthearted theme.

选择一个轻松的主题。

Last time, I talked about death and dying.

上一次我谈论了关于生与死。

(Laughter)

This time, I'm going to talk about mental illness.

这次我要谈谈精神疾病。

(Laughter)

But it has to be technological,

但它应该是技术性的，

so I'll talk about electroshock therapy.

所以我要谈谈电击疗法。（笑声）

(Laughter)

You know, ever since man had any notion

大家知道，自从人们发现

that some of his other people, his colleagues,

周边其他人，同僚等

could be different, could be strange, could be severely depressed

可能是和自己不同的，可能是行径奇怪，或者可能是严重抑郁的

or what we now recognize as schizophrenia,

或者是我们现在所指的精神分裂症

he was certain that this kind of illness had to come from evil spirits

就断定患了这种病

一定是种魔鬼附体的病症。

getting into the body.

So the way of treating these diseases in early times

为了治疗这种病症

在早期，应用了不同方法，

was to, in some way or other, exorcise those evil spirits.

众所周知，驱魔法一直沿用至今。

And this is still going on, as you know.

But it wasn't enough to use the priests.

但是仅仅靠祭司是不够的。

When medicine became somewhat scientific, in about 450 BC,

在约公元前450年，医药成为一门学科，

with Hippocrates and those boys,

希波克拉底（希腊的名医，被尊为医学之父）和学生们

they tried to look for herbs, plants

尝试研究、寻找草药、植物，

that would literally shake the bad spirits out.

从中找出将恶魔驱除出人体的药方。

So they found certain plants that could cause convulsions.

他们发现某些植物可以引发人体抽搐。

And the herbals,

到中世纪后期和文艺复兴时期的植物学书，即各种”本草集“，

the botanical books of up to the late Middle Ages, the Renaissance,

里面记录有很多药方

are filled with prescriptions for causing convulsions

都能靠诱发抽筋来驱除恶魔。

to shake the evil spirits out.

Finally, in about the 16th century,

最后，大约在16世纪，

a physician whose name was Theophrastus Bombastus Aureolus von Hohenheim --

一个物理学家，名字叫做Theophrastus Bombastus Auricularis von Hohenheim

called Paracelsus, a name probably familiar to some people here --

被称作帕拉塞尔苏斯，在座可能有人知道这个名字

(Laughter)

-（笑声）-老顽固帕拉塞尔苏斯，

good old Paracelsus --

found that he could predict the degree of convulsion

发现他可以预测抽搐的程度

by using a measured amount of camphor to produce the convulsion.

通过使用定量的樟脑诱发人体抽搐。

Can you imagine going to your closet, pulling out a mothball

你可以想象吗，走到你的衣橱，拿出一颗樟脑球然后

and chewing on it if you're feeling depressed?

嚼食它，想象这样缓解抑郁？

It's better than Prozac, but I wouldn't recommend it.

这个比百忧解（抗抑郁药)有效，但是我可不推荐这么做。

(Laughter)

So, what we see in the 17th, 18th century

发展到17，18世纪

is the continued search for medications other than camphor that'll do the trick.

人类继续寻找除了樟脑外的其他办法。

Well, along comes Benjamin Franklin,

这时出现了本杰明.富兰克林，

and he comes close to convulsing himself

通过风筝电流，他几乎诱发自己抽搐

with a bolt of electricity off the end of his kite.

这是通过风筝传导的雷电电流。

And so people begin thinking in terms of electricity to produce convulsions.

然后人们开始思考通过电流诱发抽搐。

And then we fast-forward to about 1932,

到了大约1932年，

when three Italian psychiatrists who were largely treating depression

3位主要治疗抑郁症的意大利精神病专家

began to notice among their patients, who were also epileptics,

注意到他们的忧郁症病人中，那些同时患有癫痫症的患者，

如果他们癫痫症发作后，连续发作多次

that if they had a series of epileptic fits, a lot of them in a row --

许多人抑郁症便减轻

the depression would very frequently lift.

Not only would it lift, but it might never return.

不仅仅是减轻，还可能完全根治。

So they got very interested in producing convulsions,

所以他们对诱发抽搐很感兴趣，

measured types of convulsions.

控制抽搐的程度。

And they thought,

他们认为，“我们有电源，我们可以把身体通电试试看。

"Well, we've got electricity, we'll plug somebody into the wall.

这样通电后体验者人头发竖起，身体颤动。”

That always makes hair stand up and people shake a lot."

So they tried it on a few pigs, and none of the pigs were killed.

于是，他们在猪身上做了几次试验，没有一头猪被电死。

So they went to the police and they said,

然后他们去找警察说，

"We know that at the Rome railroad station,

“我们知道在罗马火车站

there are all these lost souls wandering around,

很多无家可归之人四处流浪，

muttering gibberish.

成天疯疯癫癫，你们能带来一个给我们做实验吗？”

Can you bring one of them to us?"

Someone who is, as the Italians say, "gagootz."

这就是意大利人常说的“脑袋秀逗“”短路了“

So they found this "gagootz" guy,

于是他们找到了这样一个”脑袋秀逗“的人，

a 39-year-old man who was really hopelessly schizophrenic,

一个39岁的重度精神分裂男患者

who was known, had been known for months,

众人都知道他已经好几个月了，

to be literally defecating on himself,

他在自己身上大小便，

talking nothing that made any sense,

整天胡言乱语，

and they brought him into the hospital.

他被送到医院。

So these three psychiatrists,

接下来这三个精神病专家经过2-3周的观察，

after about two or three weeks of observation,

laid him down on a table,

让他平躺到一个桌子上，

connected his temples to a very small source of current.

把他的太阳穴用非常微弱的电流连接起来。

They thought, "Well, we'll try 55 volts, two-tenths of a second.

他们想“我们先试55伏特，2/10秒。

That's not going to do anything terrible to him."

这不会对他造成伤害。”

So they did that.

然后他们就尝试了。

Well, I have the following from a firsthand observer,

下面是我从一个第一手观察者处获得的，

who told me this about 35 years ago,

他在35年前告诉我的，

when I was thinking about these things for some research project of mine.

当时我正在思考电疗这些事情

我有些研究项目，

He said, "This fellow" -- remember, he wasn't even put to sleep --

他说，“这家伙”——记着，甚至没法让他入睡——

"after this major grand mal convulsion,

“在这次癫痫大发作以后，

sat right up,

立刻坐起来，盯着三个专家说，

looked at these three fellas and said,

”你们他妈的想对我做什么？“

'What the fuck are you assholes trying to do?'"

(Laughter)

（笑声）

If I could only say that in Italian.

如果我能用意大利语说这个就好了。

(Laughter)

Well, they were happy as could be,

专家们很高兴，因为这个流浪汉

because he hadn't said a rational word in the weeks of observation.

在过去几周观察期间，从未说过如此清醒符合逻辑的话。

(Laughter)

于是，他们又给他通电，

So they plugged him in again,

and this time, they used 110 volts for half a second.

这次，他们用110伏特，持续半秒。

让他们吃惊的是，经过这次尝试，

And to their amazement, after it was over,

he began speaking like he was perfectly well.

流浪汉开始说话，完全跟正常人一样了。

He relapsed a little bit, they gave him a series of treatments,

他偶尔复发，专家继续进行一系列的治疗，

and he was essentially cured.

他基本上被治愈了。

But of course, having schizophrenia,

当然，他有精神分裂症，

within a few months, it returned.

几个月内又患病了。

But they wrote a paper about this,

但是专家们针对这个试验完成了篇报告，

and everybody in the western world began using electricity

然后西方医疗界开始使用电击疗法

to convulse people who were either schizophrenic

诱发病人抽搐，以治疗精神分裂症或者严重抑郁症。

or severely depressed.

It didn't work very well on the schizophrenics,

在治疗精神分裂症上，电击疗法效果不是很好，

but it was pretty clear in the '30s and by the middle of the '40s

但是在30年代和40年代中期，很明显

that electroconvulsive therapy was very, very effective

电击治疗对于治疗忧郁症

in the treatment of depression.

非常非常有效。

And of course, in those days, there were no antidepressant drugs,

当然，在那个时候，没有抗抑郁的药，

and it became very, very popular.

电击疗法就非常普遍。

They would anesthetize people, convulse them ...

医生会麻醉患者，

电击使他们抽搐，但是真正的困难是，

But the real difficulty was that there was no way to paralyze muscles.

没办法抑制肌肉抽搐

So people would have a real grand mal seizure.

结果患者会有癫痫大发作。

Bones were broken; especially in old, fragile people, you couldn't use it.

骨头断裂-特别是老年人，骨质脆弱的人，

不能使用这个疗法。

And then in the late 1950s, the so-called "muscle relaxants"

后来，到了50年代后期，有了肌肉弛缓药，

were developed by pharmacologists,

药理学家发明的，

and it got so that you could induce a complete convulsion,

这样就可以施予完整的电击诱发抽搐过程，

an electroencephalographic convulsion -- you could see it on the brain waves --

脑电图癫痫—你可以从脑波看出来—

without causing any convulsion in the body

不会引发身体的抽搐，除了一点点的脚趾抽动。

except a little bit of twitching of the toes.

So again, it was very, very popular and very, very useful.

所以电击疗法变得非常非常普遍和有效。

Well, you know, in the middle '60s, the first antidepressants came out.

到了60年代中期，

第一代抗抑郁药盐酸丙咪嗪产生了。

Tofranil was the first.

In the late '70s, early '80s, there were others,

至70年代末，80年代初期，又有了其他一些药，

and they were very effective.

这些药都很有效。

And patients' rights groups seemed to get very upset

当时电击治疗患者的权益团体非常不满

about the kinds of things that they would witness,

抗议他们目睹的一些电击治疗方式。

so the whole idea of electroconvulsive, electroshock therapy disappeared,

所以电休克和电击疗法消失了

but has had a renaissance in the last 10 years.

-但是过去的10年里，又复苏了。

And the reason that it has had a renaissance

它复兴的原因是，

is that probably about 10 percent of the people, severe depressives,

大约10%的人，重度抑郁症患者，

do not respond, regardless of what is done for them.

对什么治疗都没有反应。

Now why am I telling you this story at this meeting?

我为什么要给你们讲这些？

I'm telling you this story because, actually,

我讲这个故事，是因为

ever since Richard called me and asked me to talk about --

理查给我打电话让我谈这个

as he asked all of his speakers --

-就像他对其他演讲者一样-

to talk about something that would be new to this audience

谈一些对观众来说是很新鲜的话题，

that we had never talked about, never written about.

一个从未谈过和写过的话题。

I've been planning this moment.

我一直在期待这个时刻。

This reason really is that I am a man who, almost 30 years ago,

真正的原因是大约30年前

2个长疗程的电击疗法挽救了我的生命。

had his life saved by two long courses of electroshock therapy.

And let me tell you this story.

让我给你们讲讲这个故事。

I was, in the 1960s, in a marriage.

60年代我结婚了，用“糟糕透了”这个词

To use the word "bad" would be perhaps the understatement of the year.

都不足以形容

It was dreadful.

简直是糟糕极了。

There are, I'm sure, enough divorced people in this room

我相信在座的就有离婚的人

to know about the hostility, the anger, who knows what.

知道那种敌意、愤怒，谁知道呢。

Being someone who had had a very difficult childhood,

我有不堪的童年经历，

a very difficult adolescence --

青春期也很痛苦，

it had to do with not quite poverty, but close.

虽然不是穷困潦倒，也差不多。

It had to do with being brought up in a family where no one spoke English,

生长在一个无人说英语的家庭里，

no one could read or write English.

没人能读或写英语。

It had to do with death and disease and lots of other things.

亲人经历了疾病和死亡，还有其他的不幸

I was a little prone to depression.

我有点抑郁的倾向。

So, as things got worse, as we really began to hate each other,

所以事情变得越来越糟，我们开始相互憎恨，

I became progressively depressed over a period of a couple of years

我在那几年里逐渐变得抑郁，

trying to save this marriage,

虽努力挽救婚姻，

which was inevitably not to be saved.

但却无法挽救。

Finally, I would schedule -- all my major surgical cases,

最后，我所有的大手术，

I was scheduling them for 12, one o'clock in the afternoon,

都安排在中午12点，下午1点

because I couldn't get out of bed before about 11 o'clock.

因为我无法在上午11点前起床。

Anybody who's been depressed here knows what that's like.

在座有过抑郁症的人都能了解。

我甚至没力气把被子掀开。

I couldn't even pull the covers off myself.

Well, you're in a university medical center,

我是在大学附属医疗中心，

where everybody knows everybody.

大家都很熟，我的同事们都知道我，

And it's perfectly clear to my colleagues, so my referrals began to decrease.

所以我转接病人减少。

As my referrals began to decrease,

当我的病人越来越少的时候，

I clearly became increasingly depressed,

我变得更加抑郁

until I thought, "My God, I can't work anymore."

一直到我发现，天呢，我不能再工作了。

And, in fact, it didn't make any difference,

事实上这对我也没什不同，

because I didn't have any patients anymore.

因为我也没有病人了。

So, with the advice of my physician,

所以，接受我医师的建议，

I had myself admitted to the acute care psychiatric unit

我住进了我们大学医院的急性精神病治疗科。

of our university hospital.

And my colleagues, who had known me since medical school,

那些从医学院就认识我的同事们

in that place, said, "Don't worry, Shep.

告诉我“不要担心，伙计，6周，

Six weeks, you're back in the operating room.

你就会回到手术室。一切都会好的。”

Everything's going to be great."

Well, you know what bovine stercus is?

你知道什么是扯淡吗？

That proved to be a lot of bovine stercus.

这些话就是扯淡。

(Laughter)

I know some people who got tenure in that place with lies like that.

我知道有些人就靠这些谎言才有了终身教授的名头。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Laughter and applause)

So I was one of their failures.

我是他们谎言的活证。

But it wasn't that simple,

事情不是那么简单。因为后来

because by the time I got out of that unit,

我出了院，根本就没有对我起作用。

I was not functional at all.

I could hardly see five feet in front of myself.

我几乎看不到我面前5英尺的东西。

I shuffled when I walked. I was bowed over.

我拖着脚走路，我弯着腰。

I rarely bathed.

我几乎不洗澡，也不刮胡子。太糟糕了。

I sometimes didn't shave.

It was dreadful.

And it was clear -- not to me,

我的状况很明显—我自己不知道

because nothing was clear to me at that time anymore --

我当时什么都不知道—

that I would need long-term hospitalization

明显我需要长期的入院治疗

in that awful place called a "mental hospital."

住进在那个糟糕的叫做精神病院的地方。

So I was admitted, in the spring of 1973,

所以1973年春天我住院了，

to the Institute of Living, which used to be called the Hartford Retreat.

住在Living学院，以前被称作哈特福特疗养院。

It was founded in the 18th century,

Living学院18世纪建成，

the largest psychiatric hospital in the state of Connecticut,

是康涅狄格州除了大型医院外

other than the huge public hospitals that existed at that time.

最大的精神病院

在当时是这样的。

And they tried everything they had.

住院后，医生尽其所能。

They tried the usual psychotherapy.

他们试了常规的心理疗法，

They tried every medication available in those days.

也尝试了那个时候所有可能的药物。

And they did have Tofranil and other things -- Mellaril, who knows what.

他们用了盐酸丙咪嗪和其他药-,硫醚嗪，谁知道。

Nothing happened except that I got jaundiced from one of these things.

什么疗效都没有，除了害我得了黄疸病。

And finally,

最后，因为我在康涅狄格州很出名，

because I was well-known in Connecticut,

they decided they better have a meeting of the senior staff.

他们决定组成专家组开个会。

All the senior staff got together, and I later found out what happened.

所有的高级专家聚在一起，后来我才知道。

They put all their heads together,

他们集体讨论的结论是

and they decided that there was nothing that could be done

他们无能为力了

for this surgeon who had essentially separated himself from the world,

因为患者已经和世界脱节，

who by that time had become so overwhelmed,

完全垮了。

not just with depression and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy,

不仅是郁闷感受

无价值的和无能的感觉，

but with obsessional thinking,

还有无法摆脱的强迫性思考，

obsessional thinking about coincidences.

满脑子在想各种巧合

And there were particular numbers that every time I saw them,

有一些特别的数字，每次我看到

just got me dreadfully upset, all kinds of ritualistic observances ...

都让我有种痛苦，还有各种怪癖

just awful, awful stuff.

糟糕透了。

Remember when you were a kid, and you had to step on every line?

记得小时候走路，你要踩到地上每条线吗？

Well, I was a grown man who had all of these rituals,

我曾是个有这些怪癖的成年人，

and it got so there was a throbbing, there was a ferocious fear in my head.

脑中有种可怕的恐惧。

You've seen this painting by Edvard Munch, "The Scream."

你们看过孟克的画

“呐喊”。“呐喊”。每个时刻都在呐喊。

Every moment was a scream; it was impossible.

So they decided there was no therapy, there was no treatment.

这是非常可怕的。所以医生认为我无药可救了，

But there was one treatment,

没有办法治疗。但是有一个方法，

which actually had been pioneered at the Hartford Hospital

这个方法在19世纪40年代曾经在Hartford医院率先使用过，

in the early 1940s,

and you can imagine what it was: it was prefrontal lobotomy.

你可以想象这是什么方法。前脑叶白质切除术。

(Imitates a popping sound)

So they decided -- I didn't know this, again, I found this out later --

所以医生决定-不让我知道这一切。

我后来还是知道了-

that the only thing that could be done

唯一能做的就是

was for this 43-year-old man to have a prefrontal lobotomy.

对于这个43岁的男人

前脑叶白质切除术。

Well, as in all hospitals,

就像所有的医院一样，有一个住院医生

there was a resident assigned to my case.

被指派给我。他27岁，

He was 27 years old,

and he would meet with me two or three times a week.

他每周跟我见2-3次面。

And of course, I had been there, what, three or four months at the time.

我当时在医院住了3-4月。

He asked to meet with the senior staff, and they agreed to meet with him,

他跟其他资深的医生会诊, 资深医生同意跟他会诊

because he was very well thought of in that place.

因为他是个深思熟虑的人。

他们认为他前途无量。

They thought he had a really extraordinary future.

And he dug in his heels and said,

他坚持说，

"No. I know this man better than any of you.

“我比你们任何一个人都清楚这个病人，我们见过很多次面。

I have met with him over and over again.

You've just seen him from time to time. You've read reports and so forth.

你们只是偶尔探视他，看看他的病历。

I really honestly believe that the basic problem here is pure depression,

我相信他的病就是单纯的忧郁症，

and all of the obsessional thinking comes out of it.

以及伴随的强迫性思考。

And you know, of course, what'll happen if you do a prefrontal lobotomy.

你们当然知道进行前额叶切除的后果。

Any of the results along the spectrum,

任何情况都可能发生，

from pretty bad to terrible, terrible, terrible, is going to happen.

从不太理想到不堪设想，非常非常糟糕，

都有可能发生。如果手术非常成功，

If he does the best he can,

he will have no further obsessions,

他将不再会强迫性思考，

probably no depression,

也许不再忧郁，但是他的情感会迟钝，

but his affect will be dulled,

he will never go back to surgery,

他也许无法在做外科医生，

he will never be the loving father that he was to his two children,

也无法再成为他两个孩子的慈祥的父亲

his life will be changed.

他的人生从此改变。如果是一般的手术结果，

If he has the usual result,

he'll end up like 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.'

他会像“飞跃杜鹃窝”一样，

And you know about that, just essentially in a stupor the rest of his life."

终生痴呆恍惚。

"Well," he said, "can't we try a course of electroshock therapy?"

“难道我们不能尝试一下点击疗法吗？”

And you know why they agreed?

They agreed to humor him.

你知道他们为什么同意了？他们不想和他争执。

They just thought, "Well, we'll give a course of 10.

他们想，就试10次电疗吧。

So we'll lose a little time. Big deal. It doesn't make any difference."

我们只是浪费点时间。反正也没有什么区别。“

So they gave the course of 10,

所以他们给我进行了10个疗程的电击疗法，

and the first -- the usual course, incidentally, was six to eight,

第一个疗程通常是6-8次，

and still is six to eight --

现在还是6-8次---

plugged me into the wires, put me to sleep, gave me the muscle relaxant.

于是他们给我帖导电片，麻醉，让我肌肉松弛。

Six didn't work. Seven didn't work. Eight didn't work.

6次没有用，7次也没效果。

8次还是没用，到了第9次，我感觉到---

At nine, I noticed --

我自己能够感觉到真是太好了

it's wonderful that I could notice anything --

I noticed a change.

---我感觉到了变化。到了第10次，我感到了真的不同。

And at 10, I noticed a real change.

And he went back to them,

然后他找到其他医生们，他们同意再做10次。

and they agreed to do another 10.

Again, not a single one of them --

这些医生中没有一个相信

I think there are about seven or eight of them --

-我想他们中大概7，8位都不信-

thought this would do any good.

他们认为电击没有用。他们认为这只是暂时的改善。

They thought this was a temporary change.

结果让大家惊讶的是到了第16，17次，

But, lo and behold, by 16, by 17,

there were demonstrable differences in the way I felt.

我已经明显感觉到了变化。

By 18 and 19, I was sleeping through the night.

到了第18，19次，我已经可以安睡整晚了。

And by 20, I had the sense, I really had the sense,

第20次完成，我真的感觉

我可以战胜忧郁症，

that I could overcome this,

that I was now strong enough that by an act of will,

我已经很坚强，可以靠意志力

I could blow the obsessional thinking away.

扫除强迫性思考，

I could blow the depression away.

告别忧郁症。

And I've never forgotten -- I never will forget --

我永远也不会忘记

standing in the kitchen of the unit --

站在疗养院的厨房，

it was a Sunday morning in January of 1974 --

1974年1月的星期天早上，

standing in the kitchen by myself and thinking,

我独自站在厨房，心想”我现在有康复的力量了。“

"I've got the strength now to do this."

It was as though those tightly coiled wires in my head had been disconnected,

好像在我头脑中紧紧纠结着的电路被拆除了

and I could think clearly.

我思路清晰。

But I need a formula.

但我需要一个方法。需要提醒我自己

I need some thing to say to myself

when I begin thinking obsessionally, obsessively.

以防我陷入强迫性思考

Well, the Gilbert and Sullivan fans in this room

在座的吉尔伯特和沙利文的粉丝们

will remember "Ruddigore,"

会记得歌剧『Ruddy Gore』和疯狂玛格丽特

and they will remember Mad Margaret,

and they will remember that she was married

会记得她嫁给

to a fella named Sir Despard Murgatroyd.

一个名叫德斯帕特爵士

And she used to go nuts every five minutes or so in the play.

她在剧中差不多每5分钟都会发狂

And he said to her, "We must have a word to bring you back to reality,

他对她说，“我们得有个密语把你拉回现实”

and the word, my dear, will be 'Basingstoke.'"

亲爱的，我们就定“贝辛斯托克”（地名）”吧

So every time she got a little nuts, he would say, "Basingstoke!"

所以每次她有点发狂时

他就说：“贝辛斯托克！” 她就回答说，

And she would say, "Basingstoke, it is!" And she'd be fine for a little while.

“是的，贝辛斯托克。” 她就能好一段时间。

(Laughter)

Well, you know, I'm from the Bronx. I can't say "Basingstoke."

好吧,你知道,我来自布朗克斯,我不能说"贝辛斯托克"

(Laughter)

But I had something better.

我有更好的主意,非常简单

And it was very simple.

It was, "Ah, fuck it!"

就是:"诶呀,去他的!"

(Laughter)

(笑声)比贝辛斯托克好多了

Much better than "Basingstoke,"

at least for me.

至少对于我来说,这真的管用,天呀.

And it worked! My God, it worked.

Every time I would begin thinking obsessionally --

每次我开始强迫性思维时

again, once more, after 20 shock treatments --

在历经20次电疗之后

我都说"哎呀,去他的!"

I would say, "Ah, fuck it."

And things got better and better,

状况变得越来越好,

and within three or four months,

三四个月后,

I was discharged from that hospital.

我出院并加入外科医师团体

I joined a group of surgeons, where I could work with other people,

我可以和其他人共事

in a community, not in New Haven, but fairly close by.

并不在康州纽黑文市,但很近.

I stayed there for three years.

在那里我待了3年

At the end of three years, I went back to New Haven,

3年后,我回到了纽黑文市,

had remarried by that time.

当时我已经再婚了.

I brought my wife with me, actually, to make sure I could get through this.

我带着我爱人, 帮助我一起康复.

My children

我的孩子也回来和我们一起住生活.

came back

to live with us.

We had two more children after that.

之后我们生了2个孩子

Resuscitated the career,

我回到工作岗位,甚至比以前更好了.

even better than it had been before.

Went right back into the university

我回到大学

and began to write books.

开始写书.

Well, you know,

现在的生活很好

it's been a wonderful life.

It's been, as I said, close to 30 years.

至今已经近30年了.

I stopped doing surgery about six years ago

大约6年前,我停止做手术了

and became a full-time writer, as many people know.

成为全职作家,这个很多人知道.

But it's been very exciting. It's been very happy.

这是令人幸福和快乐的.

Every once in a while, I have to say, "Ah, fuck it."

偶尔,我还会说:"哎呀,去他的!"

Every once in a while, I get somewhat depressed and a little obsessional.

偶尔,我还会郁闷并有点强迫性思维

所以其实并没完全好,但电疗确实有效.

So, I'm not free of all of this.

But it's worked. It's always worked.

Why have I chosen,

为何我以前选择避而不谈这个,而现在却谈论它?

after never, ever talking about this,

to talk about it now?

Well, those of you who know some of these books

你们其中有些人知道我的这些书

know that one is about death and dying,

一本讨论生死的书,

one is about the human body and the human spirit,

关于人的身体和心灵的书,

one is about the way mystical thoughts are constantly in our minds.

一本神秘想法萦绕于心的书,

And they have always to do with my own personal experiences.

所有的都和我个人的经历有关系.

One might think reading these books --

读者可能会想——

and I've gotten thousands of letters about them

——我已经收到上千封信函

by people who do think this --

读者确实这么认为——

that, based on my life's history as I portray it in the books,

从我书中描绘的个人生命史来看

my early life's history,

从我早期的生活看，我是个已经克服磨难的人。

I am someone who has overcome adversity,

that I am someone who has drunk -- drank? -- drunk

我遍尝苦难

of the bitter dregs of near-disaster in childhood

童年历经艰辛

and emerged not just unscathed but strengthened.

逆境没有挫败我，反而使我坚强

I really have it figured out

我已经真正开悟，可以和大家分享

so that I can advise people about death and dying,

生与死的思考， 也能谈谈神秘主意与人的心灵。

so that I can talk about mysticism

and the human spirit.

And I've always felt guilty about that.

我一直感到心虚，

I've always felt that somehow I was an impostor,

一直觉得自己有点像冒充的

because my readers don't know what I have just told you.

因为读者不知道我今天说的。

It's known by some people in New Haven, obviously,

很明显，纽黑文市有人知道，

but it is not generally known.

但一般来说，这不为人知。

So one of the reasons that I have come here to talk about this today

所以今天我来这里分享的原因之一是

——坦白说，是自私地——

is to -- frankly, selfishly --

unburden myself and let it be known

解除我自己的心理负担，让大众知道

that this is not an untroubled mind that has written all of these books.

写就这些书并非是无所忧虑的。

But more importantly, I think,

更重要的是，我认为，

is the fact that a very significant proportion of people in this audience

在座的相当一拨人

年纪不满30岁，

are under 30,

and there are many, of course, who are well over 30.

当然，也有很多超过30岁的。

For people under 30,

对于30以下的人，在我看来，几乎你们所有人

and it looks to me like almost all of you, I would say all of you,

——你们所有人——

are either on the cusp of a magnificent and exciting career

要么在美好生涯尖峰

or right into a magnificent and exciting career:

要么正要步入美好生涯，

anything can happen to you.

任何事情都可能发生在你身上。世事难料。

Things change.

Accidents happen.

祸福无常。童年记忆可能回来纠缠你，

Something from childhood comes back to haunt you.

You can be thrown off the track.

你可能困顿茫然。

I hope it happens to none of you,

我希望不要发生在你们身上，

but it will probably happen to a small percentage of you.

但少部分人可能会碰上。

To those to whom it doesn't happen, there will be adversities.

即使不碰到这样的经历，也有人生逆境。

If I, with the bleakness of spirit -- with no spirit --

假如连我这个希望渺茫，

1970年时根本全然绝望的灵魂

that I had in the 1970s,

and no possibility of recovery

不可能康复

as far as that group of very experienced psychiatrists thought,

至少那群资深精神科医师这么认为，

if I can find my way back from this,

如果我能熬过去

相信我，任何人都能熬过来

believe me, anybody can find their way back

from any adversity that exists in their lives.

克服生活中的任何逆境。

And for those who are older,

who have lived through perhaps not something as bad as this,

年长的人，已然有了生活

可能没这么糟糕

but who have lived through difficult times,

但也经历坎坷

perhaps where they lost everything, as I did,

可能如我样失去所有，

and started out all over again:

并从头再来， 一些事情似曾相熟。

some of these things will seem very familiar.

There is recovery.

你可以康复。

There is redemption.

可以救赎，重获新生。

And there is resurrection.

There are resurrection themes

每个社会都有重获新生的故事

in every society that has ever been studied,

and it is because not just only do we fantasize

这是因为我们不仅是幻想

about the possibility of resurrection and recovery,

重生和康复的可能性

but it actually happens.

而且它确实发生，而且它多有所闻。

And it happens a lot.

Perhaps the most popular resurrection theme,

或许最经常听到的重生故事

outside of specifically religious ones,

除了宗教事务外

is the one about the phoenix, the ancient story of the phoenix,

就是有关凤凰的古老神话

who, every 500 years,

每500年，它会从自己的灰烬中浴火重生

resurrects itself from its own ashes

to go on to live a life

展开新的生命

that is even more beautiful than it was before.

更加美妙的新生命。理查，

Richard, thanks very much.

非常感谢。