The healing power of reading | Michelle Kuo

翻译人员: Li Ying (Amelia) Hu 校对人员: Ziyao Wang

I want to talk today about how reading can change our lives

今天，我想谈谈读书 如何改变我们的人生，

and about the limits of that change.

以及这种改变的局限性。

I want to talk to you about how reading can give us a shareable world

我想谈谈读书如何 给了我们一个

of powerful human connection.

人际关系的共享世界。

But also about how that connection is always partial.

我也想谈谈这种关系 为何总是偏颇的，

How reading is ultimately a lonely, idiosyncratic undertaking.

为何读书终究是一件 孤独、独自乐乐的事。

The writer who changed my life

改变了我的人生的一位作家

was the great African American novelist James Baldwin.

是伟大的非裔美国小说家 詹姆斯·鲍德温。

When I was growing up in Western Michigan in the 1980s,

20世纪80年代， 我在密歇根州西部长大，

there weren't many Asian American writers interested in social change.

当时的美国亚裔作家中 对社会变革感兴趣的不多。

And so I think I turned to James Baldwin

所以我求教于詹姆斯·鲍德温，

as a way to fill this void, as a way to feel racially conscious.

我想这是填补这一空白， 加强种族意识的方式。

But perhaps because I knew I wasn't myself African American,

但也许是因为知道 自己不是非裔美国人，

I also felt challenged and indicted by his words.

我从他的言论中 感到了挑战和谴责，

Especially these words:

尤其是这些话：

"There are liberals who have all the proper attitudes,

“自由派会表现出 所有合宜的态度——

but no real convictions.

但他们没有真正的信念。

When the chips are down and you somehow expect them to deliver,

在紧急时刻，你希望他们履行诺言，

they are somehow not there."

他们却突然不见了人影。”

They are somehow not there.

他们出于某种原因不见了踪影。

I took those words very literally.

我是从字面上理解这些话的，

Where should I put myself?

我应该去哪里？

I went to the Mississippi Delta,

我去了密西西比三角洲，

one of the poorest regions in the United States.

美国最贫穷的地区之一，

This is a place shaped by a powerful history.

这个地方深受一段 强有力的历史的影响。

In the 1960s, African Americans risked their lives to fight for education,

20世纪60年代， 黑人冒着生命危险

to fight for the right to vote.

争取受教育的机会和投票权。

I wanted to be a part of that change,

我希望加入这一变革，

to help young teenagers graduate and go to college.

帮助青少年从中学毕业， 并继续进入大学深造。

When I got to the Mississippi Delta,

我到密西西比三角洲时，

这个地方仍然很贫穷，

it was a place that was still poor,

still segregated,

仍实行种族隔离，

still dramatically in need of change.

极其需要变革。

My school, where I was placed,

我所任教的学校

had no library, no guidance counselor,

没有图书馆，也没有辅导员，

but it did have a police officer.

但却有一名警察。

Half the teachers were substitutes

有一半的老师是代课老师，

and when students got into fights,

学生打架时，

the school would send them to the local county jail.

学校就把他们送到 当地的县监狱。

This is the school where I met Patrick.

就是在这所学校， 我认识了帕特里克，

He was 15 and held back twice, he was in the eighth grade.

他十五岁，留过两次级， 正在上八年级。

He was quiet, introspective,

他很安静、内向，

like he was always in deep thought.

好像总在沉思。

And he hated seeing other people fight.

他很讨厌看到别人打架。

I saw him once jump between two girls when they got into a fight

有一次，我看见他跳到 两个打架的女孩之间劝架，

and he got himself knocked to the ground.

结果被撞倒在地上。

Patrick had just one problem.

帕特里克只有一个问题，

He wouldn't come to school.

他不愿意来上学。

He said that sometimes school was just too depressing

他说，有时候学校 太令人沮丧了，

because people were always fighting and teachers were quitting.

因为总有人打架， 有老师辞职。

And also, his mother worked two jobs and was just too tired to make him come.

他妈妈打两份工， 没精力敦促他去上学。

So I made it my job to get him to come to school.

所以我把叫他来上学 这事给揽了过来，

And because I was crazy and 22 and zealously optimistic,

因为我那时22岁，非常乐观。

my strategy was just to show up at his house

我的办法就是到他家里去，

and say, "Hey, why don't you come to school?"

跟他说：“嘿， 你为什么不来上学？”

And this strategy actually worked,

这招还真管用。

he started to come to school every day.

他开始每天都来上学，

And he started to flourish in my class.

并且在我的课上开始有进步了，

He was writing poetry, he was reading books.

他写诗、看书，

He was coming to school every day.

每天都来上学。

Around the same time

在知道了该如何

that I had figured out how to connect to Patrick,

跟帕特里克建立良好关系的同时，

I got into law school at Harvard.

我被哈佛法学院录取了。

I once again faced this question, where should I put myself,

要再次面对同一个问题： 我该去哪里？

where do I put my body?

我该在哪落脚？

And I thought to myself

我心想，

that the Mississippi Delta was a place where people with money,

密西西比三角洲是有钱的人和

people with opportunity,

有机会的人

those people leave.

都会离开的地方，

And the people who stay behind

而留下来的

are the people who don't have the chance to leave.

都是没有机会离开的人。

I didn't want to be a person who left.

我不想成为离开的人，

I wanted to be a person who stayed.

我想成为留下的人。

On the other hand, I was lonely and tired.

但另一方面， 我感到孤独又疲惫。

And so I convinced myself that I could do more change

所以我说服自己， 如果我取得法学学位，

on a larger scale if I had a prestigious law degree.

就可以在更大的范围内 做更多的改变。

So I left.

于是我离开了。

Three years later,

三年后，

when I was about to graduate from law school,

我即将从法学院毕业时，

my friend called me

我的朋友打电话告诉我，

and told me that Patrick had got into a fight and killed someone.

帕特里克跟人打架 并杀了一个人。

I was devastated.

我很震惊，

Part of me didn't believe it,

一方面我不相信，

but part of me also knew that it was true.

但另一方面我也知道这是真的。

I flew down to see Patrick.

我乘飞机南下去看帕特里克，

I visited him in jail.

我到监狱里去探望他。

And he told me that it was true.

他告诉我这是真的，

That he had killed someone.

他的确杀了人，

And he didn't want to talk more about it.

但他不想多谈这件事。

I asked him what had happened with school

我问他学校怎么了，

and he said that he had dropped out the year after I left.

他说当年我走后，他就辍学了。

And then he wanted to tell me something else.

然后他想告诉我一些别的事情，

He looked down and he said that he had had a baby daughter

他低着头说，他有了一个

刚出生的女儿。

who was just born.

And he felt like he had let her down.

他觉得作为父亲让女儿失望了。

That was it, our conversation was rushed and awkward.

我们的谈话就这样结束了， 非常匆忙、尴尬。

When I stepped outside the jail, a voice inside me said,

我走出监狱时， 内心里有个声音说：

"Come back.

“回来吧。

If you don't come back now, you'll never come back."

如果你现在不回来， 你就永远不会回来了”。

So I graduated from law school and I went back.

于是，从法学院毕业后， 我又回去了。

I went back to see Patrick,

我回去看帕特里克，

I went back to see if I could help him with his legal case.

我回去看我能否 帮他处理他的案件。

And this time, when I saw him a second time,

这次我见到他时，

I thought I had this great idea, I said,

我想到了一个好主意，说：

"Hey, Patrick, why don't you write a letter to your daughter,

“嘿，帕特里克， 给你女儿写封信吧，

so that you can keep her on your mind?"

这样你就可以记着她了。”

我递给他一支笔和一张纸，

And I handed him a pen and a piece of paper,

and he started to write.

于是他开始写信了。

But when I saw the paper that he handed back to me,

但是当我看到他递给我的信时，

I was shocked.

我很吃惊。

I didn't recognize his handwriting,

我辨认不出他的笔迹，

he had made simple spelling mistakes.

他犯了些简单的拼写错误。

And I thought to myself that as a teacher,

作为一名老师，

I knew that a student could dramatically improve

我知道学生可以在很短的时间内

in a very quick amount of time,

取得很大进步，

but I never thought that a student could dramatically regress.

但我从未想过 学生会大退步。

What even pained me more,

更让我痛心的是，

was seeing what he had written to his daughter.

他写给女儿的信的内容。

He had written,

他写道：

"I'm sorry for my mistakes, I'm sorry for not being there for you."

“我为我犯的错和 不能陪伴你感到抱歉。”

And this was all he felt he had to say to her.

这就是他觉得他该对 女儿说的所有话了。

And I asked myself how can I convince him that he has more to say,

我问自己，怎么能说服他 他还有更多话可以说，

parts of himself that he doesn't need to apologize for.

他在有些方面是不需要道歉的。

I wanted him to feel

我想让他觉得

that he had something worthwhile to share with his daughter.

他有值得与女儿分享的东西。

For every day the next seven months,

在接下来的7个月里，

I visited him and brought books.

我每天都去看他，给他带些书，

My tote bag became a little library.

我的购物袋成了 一个小图书馆。

I brought James Baldwin,

我带了詹姆斯·鲍德温，

I brought Walt Whitman, C.S. Lewis.

我带了沃尔特·惠特曼， C.S.刘易斯的书。

I brought guidebooks to trees, to birds,

我带上了树木指南、鸟类指南，

and what would become his favorite book, the dictionary.

字典成了他最喜欢的书。

On some days,

有时候，

we would sit for hours in silence, both of us reading.

我们俩会静静地 坐下几个小时看书。

And on other days,

还有的时候，

we would read together, we would read poetry.

我们会一起看书，一起读诗歌。

We started by reading haikus, hundreds of haikus,

我们从三行俳句诗开始， 读了上百首三行俳句诗，

a deceptively simple masterpiece.

这些诗看似简单但都是杰作。

And I would ask him, "Share with me your favorite haikus."

我会跟他说：“跟我分享一下 你最喜欢的诗句吧。”

And some of them are quite funny.

有些很有趣。

So there's this by Issa:

这是小林一茶的诗：

"Don't worry, spiders, I keep house casually."

“蜘蛛别慌，

我打扫房子，

很随意。“

And this: "Napped half the day, no one punished me!"

还有这首： “睡了大半天，

却没人

处罚我！”

And this gorgeous one, which is about the first day of snow falling,

而这首优美的诗， 描写的是初雪的场景：

"Deer licking first frost from each other's coats."

“小公鹿

相互舔舐

毛绒上初霜。”

There's something mysterious and gorgeous

这些俳句，从视觉角度

just about the way a poem looks.

也看起来神秘又华丽。

The empty space is as important as the words themselves.

留白与文字本身同样重要。

We read this poem by W.S. Merwin,

我们读了W.S.梅尔文 写的一首诗，

which he wrote after he saw his wife working in the garden

这是他看到妻子 在花园里劳作后写的，

and realized that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

他意识到他们将 一起度过余生。

"Let me imagine that we will come again

“让我想象我们随心所欲，

when we want to and it will be spring

再次归来，届时将是春天，

We will be no older than we ever were

我们会像往昔那般青春，

The worn griefs will have eased like the early cloud

磨旧忧愁将已消逝如朝雾

through which morning slowly comes to itself"

晨光总要慢慢破云而出。“

I asked Patrick what his favorite line was, and he said,

我问帕特里克 他最喜欢哪一句，

"We will be no older than we ever were."

他说， “我们会像往昔那般青春，”

He said it reminded him of a place where time just stops,

他说这让他想起一个地方， 在那里，时间停下脚步，

where time doesn't matter anymore.

时间不再重要。

And I asked him if he had a place like that,

我问他有没有 这样一个地方，

where time lasts forever.

那里时间永恒不变。

And he said, "My mother."

他答道：“我的母亲。”

When you read a poem alongside someone else,

当你和别人一起读一首诗时，

the poem changes in meaning.

这首诗的意境会发生变化，

Because it becomes personal to that person, becomes personal to you.

因为它分别成了你 和那个人的诗。

We then read books, we read so many books,

然后我们读书， 我们读了很多书，

we read the memoir of Frederick Douglass,

我们读了弗雷德里克·道格拉斯 的回忆录，

an American slave who taught himself to read and write

他是个美国奴隶， 自学读书写作，

因为有文化， 他得到了自由。

and who escaped to freedom because of his literacy.

I had grown up thinking of Frederick Douglass as a hero

我从小到大视 弗雷德里克·道格拉斯为英雄，

and I thought of this story as one of uplift and hope.

觉得他的故事 励志且充满希望。

But this book put Patrick in a kind of panic.

但这本书却让 帕特里克陷入恐慌。

He fixated on a story Douglass told of how, over Christmas,

他着迷于道格拉斯 讲述的一个故事：

masters give slaves gin

圣诞节期间，主人会 给奴隶杜松子酒喝，

as a way to prove to them that they can't handle freedom.

以此向他们证明 他们掌控不了自由，

Because slaves would be stumbling on the fields.

因为他们会醉得 在田野上跌跌撞撞。

Patrick said he related to this.

帕特里克说 他对此很有同感，

He said that there are people in jail who, like slaves,

他说，监狱里有些人 就像奴隶一样，

don't want to think about their condition,

不愿去想他们的处境，

because it's too painful.

因为这太痛苦了，

Too painful to think about the past,

思考过去太痛苦，

too painful to think about how far we have to go.

思考久远的未来也太痛苦。

His favorite line was this line:

他最喜欢的是这段话：

"Anything, no matter what, to get rid of thinking!

“无论什么都行，只要让我摆脱思考！

It was this everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me."

我无时无刻不在思考自己的处境， 这令我饱受折磨。

没有任何法子能让我摆脱这些想法。”

Patrick said that Douglass was brave to write, to keep thinking.

帕特里克说道格拉斯 勇于去写，不断思考。

But Patrick would never know how much he seemed like Douglass to me.

但帕特里克不知道， 我觉得他很像道格拉斯，

How he kept reading, even though it put him in a panic.

虽然阅读让他感到恐慌， 但是他却坚持看书。

He finished the book before I did,

他在没有灯光的 水泥楼梯间看书，

reading it in a concrete stairway with no light.

比我先读完了一本书。

And then we went on to read one of my favorite books,

然后我们接着读 我最喜欢的书之一，

Marilynne Robinson's "Gilead,"

玛里琳·鲁宾逊的《基列家书》，

which is an extended letter from a father to his son.

这是父亲写给儿子的 一封很长的家信。

He loved this line:

他喜欢这段话：

"I'm writing this in part to tell you

“我写这封信给你的 原因之一是要告诉你，

that if you ever wonder what you've done in your life ...

如果你曾经自问 你这辈子做了什么……

you have been God's grace to me,

你是上帝赐予我的恩典，

a miracle, something more than a miracle."

一个奇迹，你的存在甚至超越奇迹。”

Something about this language, its love, its longing, its voice,

这本书所用的语言， 表达的爱、渴望、呼声，

重新点燃了帕特里克 写作的欲望。

rekindled Patrick's desire to write.

And he would fill notebooks upon notebooks

他在笔记本上 写满了给女儿的信，

with letters to his daughter.

一本接着一本。

In these beautiful, intricate letters,

在这些美好、文字细腻的信中，

he would imagine him and his daughter going canoeing down the Mississippi river.

他想象自己和女儿 在密西西比河上划独木舟。

He would imagine them finding a mountain stream

他想象他们找到了

with perfectly clear water.

一条清澈的山间小溪。

As I watched Patrick write,

当我看着帕特里克写信，

I thought to myself,

我心想，

and I now ask all of you,

现在也要问一下大家，

how many of you have written a letter to somebody you feel you have let down?

有多少人给觉得 对不起的人写过信？

It is just much easier to put those people out of your mind.

不把这些人放在心上更容易。

But Patrick showed up every day, facing his daughter,

但帕特里克每天 都去面对他的女儿，

holding himself accountable to her,

全神贯注、 一个字一个字地写，

word by word with intense concentration.

想要对她负责。

I wanted in my own life

我也想在自己的人生中，

to put myself at risk in that way.

以这种方式冒险，

Because that risk reveals the strength of one's heart.

因为这种冒险表现出了 一个人内心的强大。

Let me take a step back and just ask an uncomfortable question.

退一步来说， 我想扪心自问，

Who am I to tell this story, as in this Patrick story?

我有什么资格讲 帕特里克的故事？

Patrick's the one who lived with this pain

帕特里克是那个 在苦海中求生的人，

而我这辈子 没有一天挨过饿。

and I have never been hungry a day in my life.

I thought about this question a lot,

我经常想这个问题，

but what I want to say is that this story is not just about Patrick.

但是我想说的是， 这故事不仅跟帕特里克有关，

It's about us,

它也跟我们有关，

it's about the inequality between us.

它讲述着人与人之间的不平等，

The world of plenty

它讲述着

that Patrick and his parents and his grandparents

帕特里克以及 他的父母和祖父母

have been shut out of.

被这个富足的世界 拒之门外。

In this story, I represent that world of plenty.

在这个故事里， 我代表了那个富足的世界。

And in telling this story, I didn't want to hide myself.

我讲这个故事时， 并不想隐瞒自己，

Hide the power that I do have.

隐瞒我所拥有的权力。

In telling this story, I wanted to expose that power

我讲这个故事， 是想显露这种权力，

and then to ask,

然后问这个问题：

how do we diminish the distance between us?

我们如何能缩短 我们之间的距离？

Reading is one way to close that distance.

读书是缩短这种距离的一种方法，

It gives us a quiet universe that we can share together,

它为我们提供了一个可以

that we can share in equally.

平等分享的宁静世界。

You're probably wondering now what happened to Patrick.

你现在可能会在想， 帕特里克怎么样了。

Did reading save his life?

读书是否改变了他的命运？

It did and it didn't.

是的，但也不完全是。

When Patrick got out of prison,

帕特里克出狱时，

his journey was excruciating.

他的人生之旅极其艰辛，

Employers turned him away because of his record,

因为他有案底， 雇主拒绝聘用他，

his best friend, his mother, died at age 43

他母亲，也是他最好的朋友，

from heart disease and diabetes.

43岁时因心脏病和 糖尿病去世。

He's been homeless, he's been hungry.

他一直无家可归， 忍饥挨饿。

So people say a lot of things about reading that feel exaggerated to me.

所以我觉得，很多对 读书的评论都是夸大其词。

Being literate didn't stop him form being discriminated against.

帕特里克并未因读书识字 而免遭歧视，

It didn't stop his mother from dying.

也没能使他母亲免于病逝。

So what can reading do?

那么读书到底有什么用呢？

I have a few answers to end with today.

我想用几个答案 来结束今天的演讲。

Reading charged his inner life

读书使他的内心世界

with mystery, with imagination,

充满神秘、想象力

with beauty.

和美好的事物，

Reading gave him images that gave him joy:

读书给予他欢乐的画面：

mountain, ocean, deer, frost.

深山、大海、小鹿、秋霜。

Words that taste of a free, natural world.

给予他体验自由自在的 大自然的文字，

Reading gave him a language for what he had lost.

读书给予他倾述 所失去的东西的语言。

How precious are these lines from the poet Derek Walcott?

诗人德里克·沃尔科特写的 那首诗是多珍贵啊！

Patrick memorized this poem.

帕特里克记住了它：

"Days that I have held,

“我拥有的岁月，

days that I have lost,

我丢失的岁月，

days that outgrow, like daughters,

渐长的岁月，如女儿渐长

my harboring arms."

再也容不进停泊的，我的臂弯。”

Reading taught him his own courage.

读书赋予了他勇气。

Remember that he kept reading Frederick Douglass,

我记得他一直在看 道格拉斯的书，

尽管这令他很痛苦。

even though it was painful.

He kept being conscious, even though being conscious hurts.

他一直保持清醒， 即使这清醒让人心痛。

Reading is a form of thinking,

读书是一种思维方式，

that's why it's difficult to read because we have to think.

这就是为什么读书很难—— 因为我们必须思考。

And Patrick chose to think, rather than to not think.

帕特里克选择思考， 而不是拒绝思考。

And last, reading gave him a language to speak to his daughter.

最后，读书给了他 与女儿交谈的语言，

Reading inspired him to want to write.

读书激发了他写作的欲望，

The link between reading and writing is so powerful.

阅读与写作之间的联系 是如此的强大。

When we begin to read,

在我们开始读书时，

we begin to find the words.

我们就开始找到了表达情感的文字。

And he found the words to imagine the two of them together.

他找到了形容父女俩 共处情景的文字，

He found the words

他找到了合适的文字

to tell her how much he loved her.

来表达他对女儿深沉的爱。

Reading also changed our relationship with each other.

读书也改变了 人与人之间的关系，

It gave us an occasion for intimacy,

它给了我们 彼此亲近的机会，

to see beyond our points of view.

跳出我们的思维框架。

And reading took an unequal relationship

读书消除了我们 不平等的关系，

and gave us a momentary equality.

给了我们短暂的平等。

When you meet somebody as a reader,

当我们以读者的身份 遇见一个人时，

you meet him for the first time,

我们初次

newly, freshly.

带着新鲜感见到这个人，

There is no way you can know what his favorite line will be.

我们不可能知道 他喜欢哪些文字，

What memories and private griefs he has.

有什么往事， 心里有什么悲伤。

And you face the ultimate privacy of his inner life.

你面对的是他内心 最深处的秘密，

And then you start to wonder, "Well, what is my inner life made of?

然后你开始想知道： 那我的内心世界里有什么？

What do I have that's worthwhile to share with another?"

我有什么值得与别人分享的？

I want to close

在帕特里克给女儿的信中，

on some of my favorite lines from Patrick's letters to his daughter.

有些话我特别喜欢， 我想用这些话来结束演讲：

"The river is shadowy in some places

“河流的某些部分被阴影遮住，

but the light shines through the cracks of trees ...

不过光线会从树木的缝隙透进来……

On some branches hang plenty of mulberries.

许多桑葚悬挂在一些低矮树枝上。

You stretch your arm straight out to grab some."

你伸长了手想去摘。”

And this lovely letter, where he writes,

还有这封很优美的信， 他在信中写道：

"Close your eyes and listen to the sounds of the words.

“把眼睛闭上，听那些字词的声音

I know this poem by heart

我把它背得很熟，

and I would like you to know it, too."

我想让你也知道它。”

Thank you so much everyone.

谢谢大家。

（掌声）

(Applause)