7 common questions about workplace romance | The Way We Work, a TED series

298,664 views ・ 2019-02-09

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00:00
Translator: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Krystian Aparta
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翻译人员: jacks peng 校对人员: Harvest Cai
00:12
Workplace romance can be a tricky topic.
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办公室恋情是个棘手话题。
00:14
(Music)
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(音乐)
00:15
[The Way We Work]
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[我们的工作方式]
00:17
How do we manage the boundaries
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我们如何管理我们的
个人和职业生活的界限?
00:19
between our personal and professional lives?
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我们如何处理职场中 的性别失衡和权力动态?
00:21
How do we deal with gender imbalances and power dynamics in the workplace?
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职场恋情有很多灰色地带。
00:25
There's a lot of gray area in workplace romance.
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00:27
I'd like to take a few minutes
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我想花几分钟
00:28
and answer some of your frequently asked questions.
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回答你们经常问到的问题。
00:30
So, question one: Should I date my coworker?
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所以,问题1:我应该和同事约会吗?
00:34
Uh ... it depends.
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呃…这得看情况。
00:36
Do you want to date your coworker for a bit of fun?
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你和同事约会是想找乐子吗?
00:38
Do you want to date your coworker to hook up?
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你和同事约会是为了勾搭吗?
00:40
Because then you're really better off on Tinder.
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因为那样的话你在Tinder上的效果会更好。
00:42
If you want to date your coworker
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如果你想和同事约会
00:44
because you really, sincerely think you're falling in love with them
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是因为你真是,真诚地认为你堕入爱河了,
00:47
or there's a real potential for a long-term, committed relationship,
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或者有发展一段真正的, 长期的,承诺的感情潜力,
00:51
maybe you should date your coworker.
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也许你应该和你的同事约会。
00:53
Studies show that your coworkers are generally positive about it
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研究表明,你的同事通常对此非常积极,
00:56
if they perceive that you're falling in love
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如果他们感到你陷入爱河
00:58
and genuinely care about each other.
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并真正关心彼此。
01:01
It's when your coworkers sense that something else is in play --
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当你的同事意识到有其他因素时——
01:04
that can be disruptive.
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这可能是破坏性的。
01:05
Question two:
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问题2:
01:06
Should I date my boss?
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我应该和老板约会吗?
01:08
In almost all cases, no, you should not date your boss,
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在几乎所有的场合,不要, 你不应该和你老板约会,
01:11
because now, you've got a power dynamic.
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因为现在,你会面临一场权力动态。
当老板和下属有关系的时候,
01:14
When there's a relationship between a boss and a subordinate,
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01:16
it generates a lot of negative feelings,
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它会产生很多负面情绪,
负面情绪倾向于落在
01:19
and the negative feelings tend to fall on the person
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01:21
who's lower on the totem pole.
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地位较低的人身上。
人们通常会认为存在偏袒,
01:23
People usually assume some kind of favoritism,
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01:25
some kind of inside knowledge,
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内部知识,
01:27
and there can be resentment stirred up by that.
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这可能会激起怨恨。
01:29
There was a study published last year
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去年发布的研究显示
01:31
that suggested dating a superior can even have a negative impact on your career.
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和高层约会甚至会对你的 职业生涯造成负面影响。
01:36
The researchers asked third-party evaluators online
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研究人员在线询问第三方评估者
01:39
to imagine that they worked at a law firm.
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去想象一下他们在律师事务所工作。
01:41
They asked them to make recommendations on which employee should get picked
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他们让他们推荐哪个员工应该挑选来
01:45
for a special training program
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参加特殊培训项目
01:47
and which should get promoted to partner.
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以及哪个员工应该晋升为合伙人。
01:49
They looked at credentials for imaginary employees,
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他们研究了虚构员工的证书,
01:52
and when it was stated that an employee had been dating
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当被告知有员工与更高层正在约会
01:55
or was in a relationship with a superior,
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或者有过一段感情经历时,
01:58
the evaluators were less likely to pick that person for the training program
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评估者更不可能挑选这个人参与培训项目
02:02
or the promotion,
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或者晋升,
02:03
even if they had the exact same credentials
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即便她们拥有和那些
02:06
as someone who wasn't dating their boss.
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没有和老板约会的人同样的资历。
02:09
The evaluators were also quick to dismiss their accomplishments.
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评估者很快否定了她们的成就。
02:12
Question three:
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问题3:
02:14
Can I date someone who reports to me?
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我可以和向我汇报的人约会吗?
02:16
Still a big no.
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仍然不能。
02:17
You may not feel like you're really the boss, right?
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你可能会感到你不是真正的老板,对吧?
02:21
But you are, and there's a power dynamic there
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但你是老板,这里存在权力动态,
02:23
that's simply not there for other couples.
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这是其他夫妻所没有的。
02:25
If you really believe there is a sincere, honestly felt, personal connection
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如果你真的相信这是个真诚的、发自内心的、
02:32
that would be lasting and meaningful,
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有意义的人际关系,
02:34
one of you may need to move,
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你们其中有个人需要换地方,
02:36
and it shouldn't always be the person who's lower in the company pecking order.
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而且也不应该总是公司里 地位较低的人说了算。
02:41
Question four:
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问题4:
02:42
I've just started seeing a coworker.
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我刚刚开始和一个同事约会。
02:44
How do we handle things?
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我们应该如何处理这些事情?
02:46
I get this question a lot.
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我常常被问这个问题。
02:47
"Are they dating? Are they not dating?"
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“他们在约会吗?他们没有约会?”
02:49
Don't keep it a secret.
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不要保密。
02:50
You don't have to make a big deal of it, but secrecy tends to be corrosive.
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你不必大惊小怪,但保密往往是有害的。
02:54
People tend to see workplace couples as a coalition or a unit,
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人们往往把职场夫妻视为 一个联盟或一个团体,
02:58
so try to make it clear to your coworkers that you're not the same person;
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所以试着让你的同事明白 你不是那样的人;
03:02
you love each other, but you are going to disagree.
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你们彼此相爱,但你们会有分歧。
03:05
Question five:
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问题5:
03:06
Why are coworkers often attracted to each other?
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为什么同事之间经常相互吸引?
03:09
Well, the obvious answer is people tend to be attracted to each other
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一个明显的答案是 通常人们接触的时间越久
03:13
the more time they spend together.
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越容易相互吸引。
03:15
But there's another ingredient that has to be added:
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但还有另一种成分需要加入:
03:17
attraction tends to happen
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当工作需要密切合作时,
03:19
when there's work that demands close collaboration.
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吸引力就会产生。
03:22
So imagine you have a big group project with a tight deadline
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所以去想象你有一个大 团队项目,时间很紧,
03:26
and you're working late nights and brainstorming ideas.
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你工作到深夜还在头脑风暴。
03:29
You look up, and across the table,
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你抬起头,隔着桌子,
03:31
one of your colleagues throws out a really great idea.
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其中一个同事抛出了个很棒的点子。
03:34
You may feel something, and that's natural.
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你可能会有所感觉,这很正常。
03:37
We call this task interdependence.
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我们称之为相互依存。
03:39
It's a ripe ground for attraction.
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这是吸引力的成熟土壤。
03:41
The second reason why people at work are attracted to each other
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人们在工作中相互吸引的第二个原因是
03:45
is they may often be similar to each other.
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他们往往彼此相似。
03:48
There's two old adages:
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有两个古老的谚语:
03:49
"Birds of a feather flock together." And "Opposites attract."
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“物以类聚,人以群分” 和“异性相吸。”
03:53
Well, the psychological research suggests ...
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心理学研究表明…
03:56
birds of a feather flock together,
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物以类聚,
03:58
and we like people who are like us.
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我们喜欢和我们一样的人。
04:00
Question six:
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问题6:
04:01
My coworkers are flirting.
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我的同事在调情。
04:03
I'm annoyed. What do I do?
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我很烦,我应该怎么做?
04:05
Some researchers argue that for people flirting at work,
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一些研究人员认为,对 在工作中调情的人来说,
04:09
flirting is good and it boosts creativity.
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调情是件好事,它能提高创造力。
04:11
But my own research suggests things are different
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但我自己的研究表明,
04:14
for people who are watching or who are subjected to the flirting.
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对正在观看或被调情的人 来说,情况有所不同。
04:18
It can be awkward, right?
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可能会很尴尬,对吧?
04:20
Witnessing flirtation in the workplace creates a sense of not knowing the rules,
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目睹职场上的调情 会让人产生不懂规矩,
04:24
not knowing what's going on,
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不知道发生什么的感觉,
04:26
or maybe seeing something that you shouldn't be seeing.
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或者看到一些你不该看到的东西。
04:29
People who frequently witness flirting at work --
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更常在工作中看到职场调情的人——
04:31
they actually report feeling less satisfied in their jobs,
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他们其实报告对工作的满意度更低,
04:34
and they feel less valued by their company.
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他们觉得公司对他们的重视程度更低。
04:37
They're more likely to give a negative appraisal of the work environment,
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他们更可能对工作环境作出负面评价,
04:40
and they may even consider leaving.
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并且他们甚至可能考虑离职。
04:42
For women, this association can be even stronger.
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对于女性而言,这种联系会更加强烈。
04:45
This appears to be the case
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即使人们说
04:46
even when people report not being bothered by the flirting.
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他们不介意调情,情况似乎也是如此。
04:50
It's true even when they say they enjoy it.
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这是真的,即使他们说他们喜欢它。
04:52
So, a flirtatious environment really could be toxic.
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所以,轻浮的环境真的有害。
04:56
Question seven:
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问题7:
04:57
Do I need a policy on workplace relationships?
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我们需要职场关系方面的政策吗?
05:00
You certainly need a policy on a sexual harassment,
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你当然需要关于性骚扰的政策,
05:02
and I think most HR departments recognize that.
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我认为很多HR部门都认识到这一点。
05:05
But for the kind of consensual behavior we've been talking about,
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但是对于我们一直在讨论的 两厢情愿的行为,
05:08
it's a little different.
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这有点不同。
05:09
As much as people in HR would love to wave a magic wand
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HR部门的人都想挥舞一根魔杖说
05:13
and say, "Thou shall not fall in love at work,"
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“不能有办公室恋情”
05:16
it's just not realistic.
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这不够现实。
05:17
Emotional connection and sexuality is who we are.
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情感联系和性造就了我们。
05:21
I kind of want you to flip the script a little bit.
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我想让你们把这个脚本稍微翻一下。
05:23
I encourage HR to really think more broadly
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我鼓励HR从更广泛的角度考虑
05:27
about their role in not necessarily stamping out office romance,
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他们在办公室恋情中所扮演的角色,
05:31
because I don't think that's realistic,
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因为我认为这是不现实的,
05:33
but how do I help create a workplace climate and culture
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但我如何帮助营造 一种工作氛围和文化,
05:37
where people feel respected for their individual contributions,
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让人们因个人贡献而感到受尊重,
05:41
not for their appearance or their gender,
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而非外表和性别,
05:44
or their personal relationships?
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或者他们的私人关系呢?
05:46
So the larger question is,
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所以更大的问题其实是,
05:48
how do you make sure people are valued and respected?
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你如何确保人们被重视和尊重?
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