Say your truths and seek them in others | Elizabeth Lesser

翻译人员: Lipeng Chen 校对人员: alice leong

与许多人一样，

Like many of us,

I've had several careers in my life,

我一生中做过很多工作，

and although they've been varied,

尽管它们各有不同，

my first job set the foundation for all of them.

但是我的第一份工作却为 所有的工作奠定了基石。

I was a home-birth midwife throughout my 20s.

在20多岁时，我是一位家庭助产士。

Delivering babies taught me valuable and sometimes surprising things,

接生孩子教会了我许多宝贵 乃至不可思议的事情，

like how to start a car at 2am.

比如如何在凌晨两点 当气温是零下十度的时候，

when it's 10 degrees below zero.

发动汽车。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or how to revive a father who's fainted at the sight of blood.

如何唤醒一个晕血的父亲。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Or how to cut the umbilical cord just so,

如何剪脐带，

to make a beautiful belly button.

才能形成一个漂亮的肚脐眼。

But those aren't the things that stuck with me or guided me

但是在我不做助产士之后

when I stopped being a midwife and started other jobs.

这些事情就不再是我生活的指引

What stuck with me was this bedrock belief

一直陪伴我的是这个坚如磐石的观念：

that each one of us comes into this world with a unique worth.

我们每一个人出生都是具有独特价值的

When I looked into the face of a newborn,

当我看着新生儿的脸蛋时，

I caught a glimpse of that worthiness,

我看到了价值，

that sense of unapologetic selfhood,

看到了真实不屈的自我，

that unique spark.

看到了独特的闪光。

I use the word "soul" to describe that spark,

我用“灵魂”去描述那一道闪光，

because it's the only word in English that comes close to naming

因为这是英语中唯一意思接近

每一个婴儿所带来事物的单词。

what each baby brought into the room.

Every newborn was as singular as a snowflake,

每一个新生儿都如雪花般独特，

a matchless mash-up of biology

都是自然、世族和神秘

and ancestry and mystery.

无法媲美的融合。

And then that baby grows up,

当他们长大时，

为了融入家庭，

and in order to fit into the family,

to conform to the culture,

顺应文化，

to the community, to the gender,

顺应团体，顺应性别角色，

他们开始一层又一层的

that little one begins to cover its soul,

掩盖灵魂。

layer by layer.

We're born this way,

我们生来如此，

but --

但是

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But as we grow, a lot of things happen to us

但是随着我们长大，

that make us ...

许多发生在我们身上的事情

want to hide our soulful eccentricities and authenticity.

使得我们想去掩盖 灵魂上的独特和真实。

We've all done this.

我们都这么做了。

Everyone in this room is a former baby --

这个屋子里的每一个人，

(Laughter)

（笑声）

with a distinctive birthright.

都曾是一个独特的孩子。

But as adults, we spend so much of our time uncomfortable in our own skin,

但作为成人，我们大多数时间都无法轻松自信的生活

like we have ADD: authenticity deficit disorder.

就像得了“真实性缺乏综合症”一样。

But not those babies --

但还好孩子们

还没有变成这样。

not yet.

Their message to me was:

我从孩子那里学到：

uncover your soul

去发现你的灵魂，

and look for that soul-spark

并去找寻他人

in everyone else.

灵魂中的闪光。

它仍在那里。

It's still there.

我从产妇那里学到：

And here's what I learned from laboring women.

Their message was about staying open,

保持开放态度，

even when things are painful.

甚至这是痛苦的。

A woman's cervix normally looks like this.

通常而言，女人的子宫颈看起来像这样。

它是子宫底部

It's a tight little muscle

at the base of the uterus.

一块紧致的小肌肉。

And during labor, it has to stretch from this

而当生产时，它必须从这么大

to this.

扩张至这么大。

Ouch!

哎哟！

If you fight against that pain,

如果你与痛苦做抗争，

you just create more pain,

你只会变得更痛苦，

并且堵住那跃跃欲出的生命。

and you block what wants to be born.

I'll never forget the magic that would happen

我永远不会忘记

when a woman stopped resisting the pain

当女人停止对痛苦的抵抗 并要张开宫口时，

and opened.

将会发生的奇迹。

It was as if the forces of the universe took notice

那就像全宇宙的力量汇集，

and sent in a wave of help.

送来一阵帮助。

I never forgot that message,

我永远不会忘记那条讯息，

and now, when difficult or painful things happen to me

现在，当我在生活或工作中

in my life or my work,

遇到困难或痛苦之事时，

of course at first I resist them,

起初我会抵抗，

but then I remember what I learned from the mothers:

但后来我便会想起我从母亲们那里学到的：

stay open.

保持开放，

Stay curious.

保持好奇。

Ask the pain what it's come to deliver.

探寻痛苦将要带来什么。

新的事物想要到来。

Something new wants to be born.

And there was one more big soulful lesson,

还有更大的一课，

and that one I learned from Albert Einstein.

那是我从爱因斯坦那里学到的。

He wasn't at any of the births, but --

这与生产无关，但是

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It was a lesson about time.

这是关于时间的一课。

At the end of his life, Albert Einstein concluded

在他生命的晚期，爱因斯坦总结出

that our normal, hamster-wheel experience of life

我们平凡忙碌的生活体验

不过是幻觉一场。

is an illusion.

We run round and round, faster and faster,

我们不停的奔走，越来越快，

trying to get somewhere.

试图到达一个地方。

And all the while,

而自始至终，

underneath surface time is this whole other dimension

在这些表象下，时间在另一个维度

where the past and the present and the future merge

将过去、现在和将来融合，

and become deep time.

成为深度时间。

And there's nowhere to get to.

我们无处可去。

Albert Einstein called this state, this dimension,

爱因斯坦将这种状态，这种维度

称作为“唯一的存在”。

"only being."

And he said when he experienced it,

他说当他切身体会时，

he knew sacred awe.

他感受到了圣神的敬畏。

When I was delivering babies,

当我接生孩子时，

I was forced off the hamster wheel.

我脱离了忙碌的生活节奏。

Sometimes I had to sit for days, hours and hours,

有时我要坐几个小时乃至几天，

just breathing with the parents;

只是与父母们共呼吸；

just being.

只是存在。

And I got a big dose of sacred awe.

而我也感到了那种圣神的敬畏。

所以这是我从助产士生涯中学到的三课：

So those are the three lessons I took with me from midwifery.

One: uncover your soul.

第一，发现你的灵魂。

Two: when things get difficult or painful, try to stay open.

第二，当事情变得困难或痛苦时，保持开放心态。

And three: every now and then, step off your hamster wheel

第三，时不时的脱离忙碌的生活，

into deep time.

进入深度时间。

Those lessons have served me throughout my life,

这三课伴随我一生，

but they really served me recently,

而最近当我从事生命中 最重要的工作时，

when I took on the most important job of my life thus far.

他们变得格外有用。

Two years ago, my younger sister came out of remission

两年前，我的妹妹被诊断出

from a rare blood cancer,

患有一种罕见的血癌，

and the only treatment left for her was a bone marrow transplant.

而可行的治疗方案仅剩骨髓移植。

And against the odds, we found a match for her,

历经千难万苦，我们为她找到了配型，

who turned out to be me.

而那个配型就是我。

I come from a family of four girls,

我来自一个四姐妹之家，

当我的姐妹们发现 我是妹妹的最佳配型时，

and when my sisters found out that I was my sister's perfect genetic match,

their reaction was, "Really? You?"

她们的反应是，“真的吗？你？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"A perfect match for her?"

“你是她的最佳配型？”

Which is pretty typical for siblings.

这对兄弟姐妹来说太典型了。

In a sibling society, there's lots of things.

身处姐妹团体中， 会发生很多事情。

There's love and there's friendship and there's protection.

会有爱、友谊和保护。

But there's also jealousy

但是也会有嫉妒

and competition

和竞争，

and rejection and attack.

排斥和攻击。

In siblinghood, that's where we start assembling many of those first layers

在兄妹关系中，我们开始对灵魂

that cover our soul.

进行第一层的隐藏。

当我发现和我妹妹配型成功时，

When I discovered I was my sister's match,

我开启了搜索模式。

I went into research mode.

And I discovered that

我发现

移植的前期治疗十分直截了当：

the premise of transplants is pretty straightforward.

You destroy all the bone marrow in the cancer patient

利用大量化疗手段

摧毁癌症病人的所有骨髓，

with massive doses of chemotherapy,

and then you replace that marrow

然后再从捐赠者处获得数万个健康的骨髓细胞

with several million healthy marrow cells from a donor.

进行移植替换。

And then you do everything you can

再次，用尽方法确保

to make sure that those new cells engraft in the patient.

新的细胞在病人体内成长。

同时我了解到骨髓移植充满着风险。

I also learned that bone marrow transplants are fraught with danger.

If my sister made it through the near-lethal chemotherapy,

尽管我的妹妹能够熬过近乎置人于死地的化疗，

she still would face other challenges.

她仍然面临着许多挑战。

My cells

我的细胞

might attack her body.

可能会攻击她的身体。

And her body might reject my cells.

并且，她的身体可能会排斥我的细胞。

They call this rejection or attack,

他们称之为排斥反应或攻击反应，

and both could kill her.

这都会杀了她。

Rejection. Attack.

排斥。攻击。

这些字眼在亲人之间

Those words had a familiar ring

in the context of being siblings.

相当常见。

My sister and I had a long history of love,

我妹妹和我有过长时间的友爱，

but we also had a long history of rejection and attack,

但我们也有过长时间的排斥和攻击，

from minor misunderstandings to bigger betrayals.

从很小的误解到很大的背叛。

我们之间并没有可以

We didn't have the kind of the relationship

where we talked about the deeper stuff;

可以交心的那种关系。

but, like many siblings and like people in all kinds of relationships,

但是，像许多兄弟姐妹和各种关系中的人们一样，

we were hesitant to tell our truths,

我们对说出真相感到犹豫，

to reveal our wounds,

对揭示伤痕感到犹豫，

to admit our wrongdoings.

对承认错误感到犹豫。

But when I learned about the dangers of rejection or attack,

但是当我了解到排斥和攻击的危险时，

我觉得是时候做出改变了。

I thought, it's time to change this.

要是我们把骨髓移植交给医生，

What if we left the bone marrow transplant up to the doctors,

but did something that we later came to call our "soul marrow transplant?"

但进行后来我们称之为的 “灵魂骨髓移植”会怎样？

What if we faced any pain we had caused each other,

要是我们坦然面对 给彼此造成的伤痛，

and instead of rejection or attack,

而不是排斥和攻击，

could we listen?

我们会倾听吗？

Could we forgive?

我们会原谅吗？

我们会和好如初吗？

Could we merge?

Would that teach our cells to do the same?

这会让我们的细胞呈现出同样的效果吗？

To woo my skeptical sister, I turned to my parents' holy text:

为了博取我多疑的妹妹的欢心， 我像我父母的圣经寻求帮助：

the New Yorker Magazine.

纽约客杂志。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I sent her a cartoon from its pages

我发给她杂志中的一幅漫画，

as a way of explaining why we should visit a therapist

解释为什么我们要在将我的 骨髓取出并植入她身体之前

拜访医师。

before having my bone marrow harvested and transplanted into her body.

Here it is.

就是这一张。

"I have never forgiven him for that thing I made up in my head."

“我永远不会原谅由我 臆想出他做过的那件事。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I told my sister

我告诉我的妹妹，

we had probably been doing the same thing,

我们可能也做过同样的事情，

carting around made-up stories in our heads that kept us separate.

沉溺于脑海中臆想的故事， 彼此分离。

And I told her that after the transplant,

我告诉她在移植之后，

在她血管中流动的所有血液，

all of the blood flowing in her veins

would be my blood,

都将是由我骨髓细胞生产的，

made from my marrow cells,

属于我的血液。

and that inside the nucleus of each of those cells

并且在每一个细胞的细胞核中，

is a complete set of my DNA.

都会包含我的一整套DNA。

"I will be swimming around in you for the rest of your life,"

“我将在你的余生游荡，”

I told my slightly horrified sister.

我告诉我有些受到惊吓的妹妹。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"I think we better clean up our relationship."

“我觉得我们最好重整我们的关系。”

健康危机会使得人们做 各种各样危险的事情，

A health crisis makes people do all sorts of risky things,

like quitting a job or jumping out of an airplane

比如辞职或跳下飞机，

and, in the case of my sister,

在我妹妹这个例子中，

saying "yes" to several therapy sessions,

就是在骨髓移植期间，

during which we got down to the marrow.

对若干疗程说“是”。

We looked at and released years of stories

我们回顾并且倾诉这些年发生的故事，

对彼此的猜忌、

and assumptions about each other

责备和羞辱，

and blame and shame

until all that was left was love.

但到最后剩下的只有爱。

人们说我很勇敢， 能够进行骨髓移植手术，

People have said I was brave to undergo the bone marrow harvest,

but I don't think so.

但我并不这么认为。

让我觉得勇敢的，

What felt brave to me

was that other kind of harvest and transplant,

是另一种移植，

the soul marrow transplant,

灵魂的骨髓移植，

getting emotionally naked with another human being,

和另一个人在情感上坦诚相待，

putting aside pride and defensiveness,

摒弃傲慢和防御，

lifting the layers

拨开层层防备，

and sharing with each other our vulnerable souls.

彼此之间共享脆弱的灵魂。

I called on those midwife lessons:

我回顾了从助产士经历中学到的一课：

uncover your soul.

敞开你的灵魂。

Open to what's scary and painful.

对恐惧和痛苦敞开。

Look for the sacred awe.

搜寻神圣的敬畏。

Here I am with my marrow cells after the harvest.

这是我在移植之后， 我和我的骨髓细胞拍的照片。

他们称之为“收获”，

That's they call it -- "harvest,"

像是某种乡村的从农田到餐桌的仪式——

like it's some kind of bucolic farm-to-table event --

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Which I can assure you it is not.

但我可以向你保证绝不是那样。

And here is my brave, brave sister

这是我勇敢的妹妹，

receiving my cells.

正在接受我的细胞。

After the transplant, we began to spend more and more time together.

在移植之后，我们在一起的时间越来越多。

It was as if we were little girls again.

好像我们又变成曾经的小女孩。

The past and the present merged.

过去和现在合为一体。

We entered deep time.

我们进入了深度时间。

I left the hamster wheel of work and life

我离开了慌忙的工作和生活，

to join my sister

到疾病和愈合的

on that lonely island

孤岛之上，

of illness and healing.

陪伴我的妹妹。

We spent months together --

我们在一起数月的时间——

in the isolation unit,

在隔离病房，

in the hospital and in her home.

在医院和在她的家中。

Our fast-paced society

我们快节奏的社会

并不支持或是认可这样的事情。

does not support or even value this kind of work.

We see it as a disruption of real life and important work.

我们将之视为对真实生活 和重要工作的破坏。

We worry about the emotional drain and the financial cost --

我们对情感上的匮乏和 金钱上的花销感到担忧——

and, yes, there is a financial cost.

对，确实存在金钱上的花销。

But I was paid

但是我获得了一种我们的文化

in the kind of currency our culture seems to have forgotten all about.

似乎已经遗忘的报酬。

我以爱为酬劳。

I was paid in love.

I was paid in soul.

我以灵魂为酬劳。

I was paid in my sister.

我以我的妹妹的情感为酬劳。

My sister said the year after transplant was the best year of her life,

我妹妹说移植过后的一年是 她人生中最好的一年，

这令我很惊讶。

which was surprising.

She suffered so much.

她经受了那么多痛苦。

But she said life never tasted as sweet,

但是她说人生从未如此甜蜜，

因为我们彼此之间的

and that because of the soul-baring

and the truth-telling we had done with each other,

灵魂交流和坦诚相待，

she became more unapologetically herself

她对每个人

with everyone.

都变得更加真诚无悔。

She said things she'd always needed to say.

她说她一直应当说的事情。

She did things she always wanted to do.

她做她一直想要做的事情。

The same happened for me.

我也同样如此。

I became braver about being authentic with the people in my life.

我对我生命中的人变得更加真诚勇敢。

I said my truths,

我说出我的真相，

but more important than that, I sought the truth of others.

但更重要的是， 我搜寻他人的真相。

It wasn't until the final chapter of this story

直到这个故事的最终篇章，

我才意识到助产士是如何训练我的。

that I realized just how well midwifery had trained me.

After that best year of my sister's life,

在我妹妹人生中最棒的那年之后，

癌症卷土重来，

the cancer came roaring back,

and this time there was nothing more the doctors could do.

而这次医生也不能做什么了。

They gave her just a couple of months to live.

他们告诉她只剩下几个月的时间。

The night before my sister died,

我妹妹去世的前夜，

我坐在她的床旁。

I sat by her bedside.

She was so small and thin.

她是如此的虚弱和瘦削。

I could see the blood pulsing in her neck.

我可以看到她颈部的血液脉动。

It was my blood, her blood, our blood.

这是我的血液，她的血液，我们的血液。

When she died, part of me would die, too.

当她去世时，我的一部分也会死去。

I tried to make sense of it all,

我尝试着搞懂这一切：

how becoming one with each other

如何在成为一体后，

我们变得更加真实自我，

had made us more ourselves,

灵魂上的自我；

our soul selves,

and how by facing and opening to the pain of our past,

如何在面对并对过去的伤痛敞开心扉时，

we'd finally been delivered to each other,

我们最终释然；

and how by stepping out of time,

如何在脱离时间限制时，

we would now be connected forever.

我们将永久的相连。

My sister left me with so many things,

我妹妹留下许多给我，

and I'm going to leave you now with just one of them.

而我将留给你们其中之一。

You don't have to wait for a life-or-death situation

你们不需要等到一个生死时刻

to clean up the relationships that matter to you,

去重整对你们很重要的关系，

to offer the marrow of your soul

去奉献你灵魂的骨髓，

去在他人身上找寻另一个灵魂。

and to seek it in another.

We can all do this.

我们都可以做到。

We can be like a new kind of first responder,

我们可以变得像第一个回应的人，

就像向他人跨出

like the one to take the first courageous step

toward the other,

勇敢的第一步的人，

and to do something or try to do something

做一些或者尝试着做一些

other than rejection or attack.

除排斥和攻击之外的事情。

We can do this with our siblings

我们可以与我们的亲人一起做，

and our mates

我们的同伴一起做，

我们的朋友、我们的同事一起做。

and our friends and our colleagues.

We can do this with the disconnection

我们可以与已经不曾联系或

与有过冲突的人一起做。

and the discord all around us.

We can do this for the soul of the world.

我们可以为了世间灵魂而做。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）