The power of women's anger | Soraya Chemaly

Translator: Ellen Maloney

Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Dragana Savanovic

So sometimes I get angry,

Ponekad se naljutim,

and it took me many years to be able to say just those words.

i trebalo mi je mnogo godina samo da bih mogla da to izgovorim.

In my work,

U mom poslu,

sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.

ponekad mi se telo trese koliko sam besna.

But no matter how justified my anger has been,

Ali bez obzira na to koliko je moj bes opravdan,

throughout my life,

čitavog života

I've always been led to understand that my anger is an exaggeration,

su me uvek navodili da mislim da je moj bes preterivanje,

a misrepresentation,

pogrešno predstavljanje,

that it will make me rude and unlikable.

zbog kojeg ću delovati nepristojno i nedopadljivo.

Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl, that anger is an emotion

Uglavnom kao devojčica, kako sam naučila, za devojčicu je bes emocija

better left entirely unvoiced.

koju je bolje uopšte ne izražavati.

Think about my mother for a minute.

Razmislite o mojoj majci na trenutak.

When I was 15, I came home from school one day,

Kada sam imala 15 godina, jednog dana sam došla kući iz škole,

and she was standing on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,

a ona je stajala na dugoj verandi ispred naše kuhinje.

holding a giant stack of plates.

i držala gomilu tanjira.

Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she started to throw them like Frisbees...

Zamislite kako sam bila zapanjena kada je počela da ih baca kao frizbi...

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

into the hot, humid air.

u vruć, vlažan vazduh.

When every single plate had shattered into thousands of pieces

Kada se svaki tanjir razbio na hiljade komada

on the hill below,

na uzvišici ispod,

she walked back in and she said to me, cheerfully, "How was your day?"

ušla je unutra i pitala me, veselo: „Kako si provela dan?“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now you can see how a child would look at an incident like this

Možete videti kako bi dete gledalo na ovaj incident

and think that anger is silent, isolating, destructive, even frightening.

i pomislilo da je bes tih, da izoluje, da je destruktivan, čak i strašan.

Especially though when the person who's angry is a girl or a woman.

Posebno kad je osoba koja je besna devojka ili žena.

The question is why.

Pitanje je zašto.

Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad.

Bes je ljudska emocija, ni dobra ni loša.

It is actually a signal emotion.

Zapravo je signalna emocija.

It warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm.

Upozorava nas na poniženje, pretnje, uvrede i zlo.

And yet, in culture after culture, anger is reserved as the moral property

Pa ipak, u mnogim kulturama, bes je rezervisan kao moralna svojina

of boys and men.

dečaka i muškaraca.

Now, to be sure, there are differences.

Doduše, ima razlika.

So in the United States, for example,

U Sjedinjenim Državama, na primer,

an angry black man is viewed as a criminal,

ljutitog crnca vide kao kriminalca,

but an angry white man has civic virtue.

ali ljutiti belac poseduje građanske vrline.

Regardless of where we are, however, the emotion is gendered.

Međutim, bez obzira na to gde se nalazimo, ova emocija je rodno određena.

And so we teach children to disdain anger in girls and women,

Tako učimo decu da preziru bes kod devojčica i žena,

and we grow up to be adults that penalize it.

i postajemo odrasli koji zbog njega kažnjavaju.

So what if we didn't do that?

Šta ako to ne bismo radili?

What if we didn't sever anger from femininity?

Šta da ne odvajamo bes od ženstvenosti?

Because severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women

Jer razdvajanje besa i ženstvenosti znači da odvajamo devojčice i žene

from the emotion that best protects us from injustice.

od emocije koja nas najbolje štiti od nepravde.

What if instead we thought about developing emotional competence

Šta ako bismo umesto toga razmišljali o razvijanju emocionalnih kompetencija

for boys and girls?

kod dečaka i devojčica?

The fact is we still remarkably socialize children

Činjenica je da još uvek upadljivo socijalizujemo decu

in very binary and oppositional ways.

na razdvojene i suprotstavljene načine.

Boys are held to absurd, rigid norms of masculinity --

Dečacima su zadate apsurdne, rigidne norme muškosti -

told to renounce the feminine emotionality of sadness or fear

govore im da se odreknu ženske emocionalnosti tuge i straha

and to embrace aggression and anger as markers of real manhood.

i da prihvate agresiju i bes kao znake prave muškosti.

On the other hand, girls learn to be deferential,

S druge strane, devojke uče da budu poslušne,

and anger is incompatible with deference.

a bes je nespojiv sa poslušnošću.

In the same way that we learned to cross our legs and tame our hair,

Isto kao što smo naučile da prekrstimo noge i ukrotimo kosu,

we learned to bite our tongues and swallow our pride.

naučile smo da pregrizemo jezik i progutamo ponos.

What happens too often is that for all of us,

Previše često se desi da za sve nas

indignity becomes imminent in our notions of femininity.

poniženje postaje neizbežno u našem poimanju ženstvenosti.

There's a long personal and political tale to that bifurcation.

Duga je lična i politička priča o tom račvanju.

In anger, we go from being spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,

U besu se krećemo od razmaženih princeza i tinejdžerki pod hormonima,

to high maintenance women and shrill, ugly nags.

do žena koje su teške za održavanje i kreštavih, ružnih zakerala.

We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.

Imamo i ukuse; odaberite svoj ukus.

Are you a spicy hot Latina when you're mad?

Da li ste vrela pikantna Latinoamerikanka kada se naljutite?

Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman? Or a crazy white one?

Ili ste tužna Azijatkinja? Ili ljutita crkinja? Ili luda belkinja?

You can pick.

Možete da birate.

But in fact, the effect is that when we say what's important to us,

Ali u stvari, efekat koji se javlja je da, kada kažemo ono što nam je bitno,

which is what anger is conveying,

a što se saopštava besom,

people are more likely to get angry at us for being angry.

veće su šanse da će se ljudi naljutiti na nas zato što smo ljute.

Whether we're at home or in school or at work or in a political arena,

Bilo da smo kod kuće, u školi, na poslu ili u političkoj areni,

anger confirms masculinity, and it confounds femininity.

bes potvrđuje muškost i osujećuje ženstvenost.

So men are rewarded for displaying it,

Muškarce nagrađuju kada ga pokazuju,

and women are penalized for doing the same.

a žene se kažnjavaju za to isto.

This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,

To nas stavlja u veoma nepovoljan položaj,

particularly when we have to defend ourselves and our own interests.

naročito kada moramo da branimo sebe i svoje interese.

If we're faced with a threatening street harasser, predatory employer,

Ako se suočimo sa pretnjom nekog ko nas uznemirava na ulici,

poslodavcem koji nas ugrožava,

a sexist, racist classmate,

sa seksističkim, rasističkim drugom iz odeljenja,

our brains are screaming, "Are you kidding me?"

naš mozak vrišti: „Šta ti pada na pamet!“

And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"

A naša usta kažu: „Izvinite, šta?“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Right?

Zar ne?

And it's conflicting because the anger gets all tangled up

Nastaje konflikt jer se ljutnja skroz pomeša

with the anxiety and the fear and the risk and retaliation.

sa anksioznošću, strahom, rizikom i osvetom.

If you ask women what they fear the most in response to their anger,

Ako pitate žene čega se najviše boje kao reakcije na svoj bes,

they don't say violence.

one ne navode nasilje.

They say mockery.

Kažu da je to ismevanje.

Think about what that means.

Razmislite šta to znači.

If you have multiple marginalized identities, it's not just mockery.

Ako imate višestruko marginalizovane identitete, to nije samo ismevanje.

If you defend yourself, if you put a stake in the ground,

Ako se branite, ako krenete u akciju,

there can be dire consequences.

posledice mogu biti kobne.

Now we reproduce these patterns not in big, bold and blunt ways,

Mi reprodukujemo ove obrasce ne na velike, smele i neposredne načine,

but in the everyday banality of life.

već u svakodnevnoj banalnosti života.

When my daughter was in preschool, every single morning

Kada je moja ćerka išla u predškolsko,

svakog jutra bi napravila složeni zamak od traka i kockica,

she built an elaborate castle -- ribbons and blocks --

and every single morning the same boy knocked it down gleefully.

i svakog jutra bi ga isti dečak srušio s radošću.

His parents were there, but they never intervened before the fact.

Njegovi roditelji su bili tu,

ali nikada nisu intervenisali pre nego što bi se to desilo.

They were happy to provide platitudes afterwards:

Sa zadovoljstvom su nakon toga iznosili otrcane fraze:

"Boys will be boys."

„Takvi su dečaci.“

"It's so tempting, he just couldn't help himself."

„Toliko je primamljvo da prosto nije mogao da izdrži.“

I did what many girls and women learn to do.

Radila sam ono što mnoge devojčice i žene nauče da rade.

I preemptively kept the peace,

Preventivno sam održavala mir

and I taught my daughter to do the same thing.

i učila sam svoju ćerku da radi to isto.

She used her words.

Birala je reči.

She tried to gently body block him.

Pokušala je da ga nežno blokira.

She moved where she was building in the classroom, to no effect.

Promenila je mesto u učionici gde je pravila zamak, ali nije delovalo.

So I and the other adults mutually constructed a particular male entitlement.

Tako smo ja i druge odrasle osobe zajedno izgradili naročito muško pravo.

He could run rampant and control the environment,

On je mogao da se neobuzdano ponaša i kontroliše sredinu,

and she kept her feelings to herself and worked around his needs.

a ona je držala osećanja u sebi

i funkcionisala na osnovu njegovih potreba.

We failed both of them by not giving her anger the uptake

Izneverili smo oboje jer nismo dali polet njenom besu

and resolution that it deserved.

i zasluženo razrešenje.

Now that's a microcosm of a much bigger problem.

To je mikrokosmos mnogo većeg problema.

Because culturally, worldwide,

Jer kulturološki, širom sveta,

we preference the performance of masculinity --

dajemo prednost ispoljavanju muževnosti,

and the power and privilege that come with that performance --

kao i moći i privilegijama koje idu uz to ispoljavanje,

over the rights and needs and words of children and women.

nad pravima, potrebama i rečima dece i žena.

So it will come as absolutely no surprise, probably, to the people in this room

Tako da verovatno ljude u ovoj prostoriji neće iznenaditi

that women report being angrier in more sustained ways and with more intensity

to što žene navode da osećaju više besa tokom dužeg perioda i u većem intenzitetu

than men do.

nego muškarci.

Some of that comes from the fact that we're socialized to ruminate,

Deo toga proizlazi iz činjenice da smo socijalizovane da prežvakavamo,

to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.

da držimo stvari u sebi i preispitujemo ih.

But we also have to find socially palatable ways

Ali takođe moramo pronaći društveno prihvatljive načine

to express the intensity of emotion that we have

da izrazimo intenzitet emocija koje imamo

and the awareness that it brings of our precarity.

i svest o tome da nas ovo dovodi u nepovoljan položaj.

So we do several things.

I onda radimo nekoliko stvari.

If men knew how often women were filled with white hot rage when we cried,

Kad bi muškarci znali koliko često su žene pune žestokog besa kada plaču,

they would be staggered.

bili bi zapanjeni.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

We use minimizing language.

Koristimo jezik kojim umanjujemo značaj.

"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."

„Nervozne smo. Ne, stvarno, u redu je.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

We self-objectify and lose the ability

Objektivizujemo sebe i gubimo sposobnost

to even recognize the physiological changes that indicate anger.

čak i da prepoznamo fiziološke promene koje ukazuju na bes.

Mainly, though, we get sick.

Većinom se razbolimo.

Anger has now been implicated in a whole array of illnesses

Bes se danas dovodi u vezu sa čitavim nizom bolesti

that are casually dismissed as "women's illnesses."

koje se nonšalantno odbacuju kao „ženske bolesti“.

Higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,

Veća učestalost hroničnih bolova, autoimunih oboljenja, poremećaja ishrane,

mental distress, anxiety, self harm, depression.

mentalnih problema, anksioznosti, samopovređivanja, depresije.

Anger affects our immune systems, our cardiovascular systems.

Bes utiče na naš imuni i kardiovaskularni sistem.

Some studies even indicate that it affects mortality rates,

Neke studije čak ukazuju da utiče na stopu smrtnosti,

particularly in black women with cancer.

naročito kod žena crne rase sa rakom.

I am sick and tired of the women I know being sick and tired.

Dosta mi je više toga da je ženama koje poznajem dosta svega.

Our anger brings great discomfort,

Naš bes stvara znatnu neprijatnost,

and the conflict comes because it's our role to bring comfort.

a konflikt nastaje jer je naša uloga da obezbedimo prijatnost.

There is anger that's acceptable.

Postoji bes koji je prihvatljiv.

We can be angry when we stay in our lanes and buttress the status quo.

Možemo biti ljute kad se držimo iste staze i održavamo status kvo.

As mothers or teachers,

Kao majke ili predavači,

we can be mad, but we can't be angry about the tremendous costs of nurturing.

možemo se ljutiti,

ali ne možemo biti ljute zbog ogromne cene odgajanja.

We can be angry at our mothers.

Možemo se ljutiti na svoje majke.

Let's say, as teenagers -- patriarchal rules and regulations --

Recimo, kao tinejdžerke - patrijarhalna pravila i propisi -

we don't blame systems, we blame them.

ne krivimo sistem, već krivimo njih.

We can be angry at other women, because who doesn't love a good catfight?

Možemo se ljutiti na druge žene, jer, ko ne voli kad se žene počupaju?

And we can be angry at men with lower status in an expressive hierarchy

Možemo se ljutiti na muškarce nižeg statusa u ekspresivnoj hijerarhiji

that supports racism or xenophobia.

koja podržava rasizam ili ksenofobiju.

But we have an enormous power in this.

Ali imamo ogromnu moć.

Because feelings are the purview of our authority,

Zato što su osećanja u našem opsegu delovanja,

and people are uncomfortable with our anger.

a ljudima je neprijatno sa našim besom.

We should be making people comfortable with the discomfort they feel

Trebalo bi da učinimo da ljudi budu u redu sa neprijatnošću koju osećaju

when women say no, unapologetically.

kada žene bezrezervno kažu ne.

We can take emotions and think in terms of competence and not gender.

Možemo da razmišljamo o emocijama u pogledu kompetencija, a ne pola.

People who are able to process their anger and make meaning from it

Ljudi koji su u stanju da prerade svoj bes i u njemu nađu smisao

are more creative, more optimistic,

su kreativniji, optimističniji,

they have more intimacy,

zasnuju više prisnih odnosa,

they're better problem solvers,

bolje rešavaju probleme,

they have greater political efficacy.

politički su efikasniji.

Now I am a woman writing about women and feelings,

Ja sam žena koja piše o ženama i osećanjima,

so very few men with power

i stoga će retko koji muškarac na poziciji moći

are going to take what I'm saying seriously, as a matter of politics.

ozbiljno shvatiti ono što govorim, kao političko pitanje.

We think of politics and anger in terms of the contempt and disdain and fury

Mi razmišljamo o politici i besu u kontekstu prezira, omalovažavanja i besa

that are feeding a rise of macho-fascism in the world.

koji podstiču uspon mačo-fašizma u svetu.

But if it's that poison, it's also the antidote.

Ali ako je to otrov, takođe je i protivotrov.

We have an anger of hope, and we see it every single day

Imamo bes nade i to svakodnevno vidimo

in the resistant anger of women and marginalized people.

u besu opiranja kod žena i marginalizovanih ljudi.

It's related to compassion and empathy and love,

Povezan je sa saosećanjem, empatijom i ljubavlju,

and we should recognize that anger as well.

i trebalo bi da uvažimo i taj bes.

The issue is that societies that don't respect women's anger don't respect women.

Problem je u tome što društva koja ne poštuju ženski bes,

ne poštuju ni žene.

The real danger of our anger isn't that it will break bonds or plates.

Prava opasnost našeg besa nije u tome što će narušti veze ili polomiti tanjire.

It's that it exactly shows how seriously we take ourselves,

Radi se o tome da on tačno pokazuje koliko ozbiljno shvatamo same sebe

and we expect other people to take us seriously as well.

i očekujemo da nas drugi ljudi takođe uzmu za ozbiljno.

When that happens, chances are very good

Kada se to dogodi, dobre su šanse

that women will be able to smile when they want to.

da će žene moći da se nasmeju kada to budu htele.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause) (Cheers)

(Aplauz) (Ovacije)