The power of women's anger | Soraya Chemaly

Translator: Ellen Maloney

Prevoditelj: Ines Rad Recezent: Sanda L

So sometimes I get angry,

Ponekad se razljutim

and it took me many years to be able to say just those words.

i trebalo mi je mnogo godina da svjesno izgovorim te riječi.

In my work,

Na poslu,

sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.

tijelo mi ponekad pulsira od bijesa.

But no matter how justified my anger has been,

Ipak, bez obzira koliko opravdan bio moj bijes,

throughout my life,

čitavog su me života učili

I've always been led to understand that my anger is an exaggeration,

da je moj bijes samo pretjerivanje,

a misrepresentation,

da daje krivu sliku,

that it will make me rude and unlikable.

zbog koje ću ispasti nepristojna i bezobrazna.

Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl, that anger is an emotion

Još kao djevojčica naučila sam da je, za djevojčice, bijes emocija

better left entirely unvoiced.

koju je najbolje ne izražavati.

Think about my mother for a minute.

Razmislite o mojoj majci na trenutak.

When I was 15, I came home from school one day,

Kad sam imala 15 godina, jednom sam se vratila iz škole,

and she was standing on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,

a ona je stajala na terasi ispred kuhinje

holding a giant stack of plates.

držeći hrpu tanjura u rukama.

Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she started to throw them like Frisbees...

Zamislite koliko sam bila zbunjena kad ih je počela bacati kao frizbije

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

into the hot, humid air.

u vrući, vlažni zrak.

When every single plate had shattered into thousands of pieces

Nakon što je i posljednji tanjur razbijen u tisuću komadića

on the hill below,

na brdu ispod kuće,

she walked back in and she said to me, cheerfully, "How was your day?"

ušla je natrag u kuću i pitala me s osmijehom, "Kako je bilo u školi?"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Now you can see how a child would look at an incident like this

Jasno je kako dijete iz ovakvog incidenta

and think that anger is silent, isolating, destructive, even frightening.

zaključi da je bijes nijemi, izolirajući, razarajući, čak zastrašujući osjećaj.

Especially though when the person who's angry is a girl or a woman.

Posebno ako je bijesna osoba djevojčica ili žena.

The question is why.

Pitanje je zašto?

Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad.

Bijes je emocija, nije ni dobra ni loša.

It is actually a signal emotion.

Signalna je emocija.

It warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm.

Upozorava nas na poniženost, opasnost, uvredu i povredu.

And yet, in culture after culture, anger is reserved as the moral property

Usprkos tome, iz kulture u kulturu, ljutnja se smatra karakternom osobinom

of boys and men.

dječaka i muškaraca.

Now, to be sure, there are differences.

Naravno, postoje razlike.

So in the United States, for example,

U Sjedinjenim Američkim Državama, na primjer,

an angry black man is viewed as a criminal,

na bijesnog crnog muškarca gleda se kao na kriminalca,

but an angry white man has civic virtue.

dok je bijes kod bijelaca građanska vrlina.

Regardless of where we are, however, the emotion is gendered.

Ipak, gdje god se nalazili, ova je emocija rodno obilježena.

And so we teach children to disdain anger in girls and women,

Pa učimo djecu neodobravanju bijesa kod djevojčica i žena

and we grow up to be adults that penalize it.

i odrastamo u osobe koje ga kažnjavaju.

So what if we didn't do that?

A kad to ne bismo činili?

What if we didn't sever anger from femininity?

Kad ne bismo suprotstavljali bijes i ženstvenost?

Because severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women

Jer suprotstavljajući bijes i ženstvenost udaljavamo djevojke i žene

from the emotion that best protects us from injustice.

od emocije koja nas najbolje štiti od nepravde.

What if instead we thought about developing emotional competence

Što kada bismo umjesto toga kod djece razvijali

for boys and girls?

sposobnost nošenja s emocijama?

The fact is we still remarkably socialize children

Činjenica je da još uvijek, nevjerojatno, odgajamo djecu

in very binary and oppositional ways.

na izrazito binarne i suprotstavljene načine.

Boys are held to absurd, rigid norms of masculinity --

Dječaci se trebaju držati apsurdnih, strogih normi muškosti.

told to renounce the feminine emotionality of sadness or fear

Uči ih se da odbace ženstvene osjećaje tuge ili straha

and to embrace aggression and anger as markers of real manhood.

i prigrle agresivnost i bijes kao obilježja pravih muškaraca.

On the other hand, girls learn to be deferential,

S druge strane, djevojčice se uče pristojnosti,

and anger is incompatible with deference.

a bijes je nespojiv s pristojnošću.

In the same way that we learned to cross our legs and tame our hair,

Kao što nas uče da treba prekrižiti noge i ukrotiti kosu,

we learned to bite our tongues and swallow our pride.

tako naučimo držati jezik za zubima i progutati ponos.

What happens too often is that for all of us,

Kao rezultat, prečesto, kod svih nas

indignity becomes imminent in our notions of femininity.

ogorčenost postaje neizbježan dio naše percepcije ženstvenosti.

There's a long personal and political tale to that bifurcation.

Ta je podvojenost rezultat duge osobne i političke priče.

In anger, we go from being spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,

Bijesne, od razmaženih princeza prerastamo u hormonalne tinejdžerice,

to high maintenance women and shrill, ugly nags.

pa u prezahtjevne žene i stara zanovijetala.

We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.

Imamo mi i nijansi. Odaberite najdražu:

Are you a spicy hot Latina when you're mad?

Kad ste ljuti, jeste li vatrena Latina?

Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman? Or a crazy white one?

Ili tužna Azijatkinja? Ili bijesna crnkinja? Luda bjelkinja?

You can pick.

Možete birati.

But in fact, the effect is that when we say what's important to us,

Ali zapravo, kada izrazimo ono do čega nam je stalo,

which is what anger is conveying,

zašto smo bijesne,

people are more likely to get angry at us for being angry.

veća je vjerojatnost da će se ljudi naljutiti na nas jer smo ljute.

Whether we're at home or in school or at work or in a political arena,

Bilo da smo kod kuće, u školi, na poslu ili u političkoj areni,

anger confirms masculinity, and it confounds femininity.

ljutnja potvrđuje muškost i proturječi ženstvenosti.

So men are rewarded for displaying it,

Stoga, muškarce se nagrađuje za njeno izražavanje,

and women are penalized for doing the same.

a žene kažnjava za isto.

This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,

Ovo nas stavlja u izrazito nepovoljan položaj,

particularly when we have to defend ourselves and our own interests.

posebno kada trebamo braniti sebe i svoje interese.

If we're faced with a threatening street harasser, predatory employer,

Suočene s napasnikom na ulici, predatorskim poslodavcem,

a sexist, racist classmate,

seksističkim ili rasističkim kolegom,

our brains are screaming, "Are you kidding me?"

u glavi nam odzvanja: "Jesi li ti normalan?"

And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"

A usta nam izgovaraju: "Oprostite?"

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Right?

Zar ne?

And it's conflicting because the anger gets all tangled up

Zbunjujuće je jer se ljutnja isprepliće

with the anxiety and the fear and the risk and retaliation.

s tjeskobom, strahom i opasnošću od posljedica.

If you ask women what they fear the most in response to their anger,

Kad pitate žene čega se najviše boje kao odgovora na njihovu ljutnju,

they don't say violence.

ne kažu - nasilja.

They say mockery.

Kažu - izrugivanja.

Think about what that means.

Razmislite o tome.

If you have multiple marginalized identities, it's not just mockery.

Kod višestruko marginaliziranih, ne radi se samo o izrugivanju.

If you defend yourself, if you put a stake in the ground,

Ako se krenete braniti, ako odbijete odstupiti,

there can be dire consequences.

može biti ozbiljnih posljedica.

Now we reproduce these patterns not in big, bold and blunt ways,

Ove uzorke ne usvajamo kroz velike, upadljive i glasne geste,

but in the everyday banality of life.

već kroz svakodnevne banalne situacije.

When my daughter was in preschool, every single morning

Dok je bila u vrtiću, moja bi kćer svakoga jutra

she built an elaborate castle -- ribbons and blocks --

izgradila veliki dvorac, s vrpcama, od kockica,

and every single morning the same boy knocked it down gleefully.

i svakog bi ga jutra isti dječak s oduševljenjem srušio.

His parents were there, but they never intervened before the fact.

Roditelji su mu bili prisutni, ali nikad ga nisu pokušali spriječiti.

They were happy to provide platitudes afterwards:

Bez ustručavanja su poslije nudili opravdanja:

"Boys will be boys."

"Takvi su dečki."

"It's so tempting, he just couldn't help himself."

"Nije se mogao suzdržati."

I did what many girls and women learn to do.

Postupila sam kako su mnoge djevojčice i žene naučene.

I preemptively kept the peace,

Održala sam mir

and I taught my daughter to do the same thing.

i naučila svoju kćer da čini isto.

She used her words.

Pokušala se izboriti riječima.

She tried to gently body block him.

Pokušavala mu je lagano zapriječiti put.

She moved where she was building in the classroom, to no effect.

Promijenila je mjesto gradnje u drugi dio učionice. Bezuspješno.

So I and the other adults mutually constructed a particular male entitlement.

Dakle, mi odrasli izgradili smo poseban oblik muškog privilegija.

He could run rampant and control the environment,

On je mogao raditi što hoće i vladati okolinom,

and she kept her feelings to herself and worked around his needs.

a ona je potisnula svoje osjećaje i sklanjala mu se s puta.

We failed both of them by not giving her anger the uptake

Iznevjerili smo oboje kad njenoj ljutnji nismo dozvolili

and resolution that it deserved.

da bude prepoznata i razriješena.

Now that's a microcosm of a much bigger problem.

Ovo je tek mali primjer mnogo većeg problema.

Because culturally, worldwide,

Jer kulturološki, u cijelom svijetu,

we preference the performance of masculinity --

stavljamo izvedbu muškosti

and the power and privilege that come with that performance --

te moć i privilegije koji uz tu izvedbu dolaze,

over the rights and needs and words of children and women.

iznad prava, potreba i glasova žena i djece.

So it will come as absolutely no surprise, probably, to the people in this room

Stoga vas vjerojatno neće ni najmanje iznenaditi,

that women report being angrier in more sustained ways and with more intensity

da po istraživanjima žene ljutnju osjećaju intenzivnije i duže

than men do.

od muškaraca.

Some of that comes from the fact that we're socialized to ruminate,

Razlog je dijelom u tome što smo odgajane da promišljamo,

to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.

držimo jezik za zubima i promišljamo.

But we also have to find socially palatable ways

Osim toga, moramo pronaći društveno prihvatljive načine

to express the intensity of emotion that we have

izražavanja intenziteta emocija koje osjećamo

and the awareness that it brings of our precarity.

i biti svjesne dojma koji ostavljaju.

So we do several things.

Zato radimo sljedeće.

If men knew how often women were filled with white hot rage when we cried,

Kada bi muškarci znali koliko često žene ključaju od bijesa kad plaču,

they would be staggered.

zaprepastili bi se.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

We use minimizing language.

Riječima umanjujemo važnost.

"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."

"Frustrirane smo. Ne, stvarno, u redu je."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

We self-objectify and lose the ability

Same sebe objektificiramo i nismo u stanju

to even recognize the physiological changes that indicate anger.

prepoznati fiziološke promjene koje ukazuju na ljutnju.

Mainly, though, we get sick.

Najvažnije, razbolimo se.

Anger has now been implicated in a whole array of illnesses

Ljutnja je dovedena u vezu s cijelim nizom bolesti

that are casually dismissed as "women's illnesses."

koje se olako otpisuje kao "ženske boljke".

Higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,

Češće pojave kronične boli, autoimunih i poremećaja u prehrani,

mental distress, anxiety, self harm, depression.

mentalnih poteškoća, tjeskobe, samoozljeđivanja, depresije.

Anger affects our immune systems, our cardiovascular systems.

Ljutnja utječe na imunološki i krvožilni sustav.

Some studies even indicate that it affects mortality rates,

Neka istraživanja pokazuju da utječe i na stope smrtnosti,

particularly in black women with cancer.

posebno od raka kod crnih žena.

I am sick and tired of the women I know being sick and tired.

Sita sam gledati oko sebe umorne i bolesne žene.

Our anger brings great discomfort,

Naš je bijes neugodan.

and the conflict comes because it's our role to bring comfort.

Do konflikta dolazi jer je naša uloga stvarati osjećaj ugode.

There is anger that's acceptable.

Ima i prihvatljivih oblika.

We can be angry when we stay in our lanes and buttress the status quo.

Smijemo se razljutiti ako ostanemo u zadanim okvirima i održavamo status quo.

As mothers or teachers,

Kao majke ili učiteljice,

we can be mad, but we can't be angry about the tremendous costs of nurturing.

smijemo se razljutiti, ali ne zbog visoke cijene odgoja.

We can be angry at our mothers.

Možemo se ljutiti na naše majke.

Let's say, as teenagers -- patriarchal rules and regulations --

Recimo, kao tinejdžerice, za patrijarhalna pravila i ograničenja

we don't blame systems, we blame them.

ne krivimo sustav, već njih.

We can be angry at other women, because who doesn't love a good catfight?

Možemo bijesniti na druge žene, jer tko ne voli kad se žene potuku?

And we can be angry at men with lower status in an expressive hierarchy

Možemo bijesniti na muškarce nižeg statusa u društvenoj hijerarhiji

that supports racism or xenophobia.

koja potiče rasizam ili ksenofobiju.

But we have an enormous power in this.

Ali u tome je naša nevjerojatna moć.

Because feelings are the purview of our authority,

Budući da su osjećaji naše područje,

and people are uncomfortable with our anger.

a ljudima je naša ljutnja neugodna,

We should be making people comfortable with the discomfort they feel

trebale bismo ljude navikavati na osjećaj neugode koji osjećaju

when women say no, unapologetically.

kad žene, bez ustručavanja, kažu "ne".

We can take emotions and think in terms of competence and not gender.

Možemo na emocije gledati iz perspektive sposobnosti, ne roda.

People who are able to process their anger and make meaning from it

Ljudi koji su u stanju izraziti ljutnju i izvući pouku

are more creative, more optimistic,

kreativniji su, optimističniji,

they have more intimacy,

otvoreniji su prema intimnosti,

they're better problem solvers,

bolji u rješavanju problema,

they have greater political efficacy.

imaju veću političku uspješnost.

Now I am a woman writing about women and feelings,

Ja sam žena koja piše o ženama i osjećajima.

so very few men with power

Zato će malo muškaraca na pozicijama moći

are going to take what I'm saying seriously, as a matter of politics.

shvatiti moje riječi kao ozbiljno političko pitanje.

We think of politics and anger in terms of the contempt and disdain and fury

U politici bijes se vezuje uz prijezir, omalovažavanje i srdžbu,

that are feeding a rise of macho-fascism in the world.

na čijim se temeljima uzdiže mačizam u svijetu.

But if it's that poison, it's also the antidote.

Ali ako bijes i jest taj otrov, također je i protuotrov.

We have an anger of hope, and we see it every single day

Naš je bijes utemeljen u nadi i vidimo ga svakodnevno

in the resistant anger of women and marginalized people.

u otpornoj ljutnji žena i marginaliziranih skupina.

It's related to compassion and empathy and love,

Temelji se na suosjećanju, empatiji i ljubavi,

and we should recognize that anger as well.

te moramo prepoznati i taj bijes.

The issue is that societies that don't respect women's anger don't respect women.

Problem je što društva koja ne poštuju ženski bijes, ne poštuju ni žene.

The real danger of our anger isn't that it will break bonds or plates.

Stvarna opasnost našeg bijesa nije u uništavanju veza ili tanjura,

It's that it exactly shows how seriously we take ourselves,

već da jasno pokazuje koliko držimo do sebe

and we expect other people to take us seriously as well.

i da očekujemo od drugih da nas shvate ozbiljno.

When that happens, chances are very good

Kad to postignemo, velike su šanse

that women will be able to smile when they want to.

da će se žene moći smiješiti samo kada požele.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause) (Cheers)

(Pljesak)