The power of women's anger | Soraya Chemaly

Translator: Ellen Maloney

翻译人员: Cissy Yun 校对人员: TED Translators admin

So sometimes I get angry,

所以有时我会生气，

and it took me many years to be able to say just those words.

我花了很多年 才能够说出这句话。

In my work,

在我的工作中，

sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.

有时我的身体颤抖， 我太愤怒了。

But no matter how justified my anger has been,

但是，无论 我的愤怒是多么合理，

throughout my life,

在我的一生中，我一直被告知

I've always been led to understand that my anger is an exaggeration,

我的愤怒 是一种夸张，一种曲解

a misrepresentation,

that it will make me rude and unlikable.

它会让我变得粗鲁和不可理喻。

Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl, that anger is an emotion

主要是作为一个女孩，我了解到， 作为一个女孩，愤怒是一种情感

better left entirely unvoiced.

最好将它置之不顾。

Think about my mother for a minute.

想想我的妈妈，

When I was 15, I came home from school one day,

我15岁的时候， 有一天我放学回家，

and she was standing on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,

她站在在我们厨房外廊上， 拿着巨大的一堆盘子。

holding a giant stack of plates.

Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she started to throw them like Frisbees...

想象一下，当她 开始把它们像飞盘一样

(Laughter)

（笑声）

into the hot, humid air.

扔进炎热潮湿的空气中， 我是多么傻眼。

When every single plate had shattered into thousands of pieces

当每一个盘子

砸在下面的山上，碎成数千块时，

on the hill below,

she walked back in and she said to me, cheerfully, "How was your day?"

她回到房里，乐呵呵地对我说， “你今天过得怎么样？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now you can see how a child would look at an incident like this

现在你可以想象一个孩子 在面对这样的事件之后，

and think that anger is silent, isolating, destructive, even frightening.

以为愤怒是沉默的，孤立的， 破坏性的，甚至是可怕的。

Especially though when the person who's angry is a girl or a woman.

特别是 当生气是一个女孩或女人。

The question is why.

问题是为什么。

Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad.

愤怒是人类的情感， 它既不好也不坏。

It is actually a signal emotion.

它实际上是一种信号情感。

It warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm.

它警示着我们屈辱、威胁、 侮辱和伤害。

And yet, in culture after culture, anger is reserved as the moral property

然而，在各种文化中， 愤怒仅仅被归于为

男孩和男人的道德财产。

of boys and men.

Now, to be sure, there are differences.

现在，当然，会有差异。

So in the United States, for example,

例如，在美国，

an angry black man is viewed as a criminal,

一个愤怒的黑人 被视为罪犯，

but an angry white man has civic virtue.

而一个愤怒的白人则具有公民美德。

Regardless of where we are, however, the emotion is gendered.

无论我们在哪里， 情感有是性别的。

And so we teach children to disdain anger in girls and women,

因此，我们教孩子蔑视 女孩和妇女的愤怒，

and we grow up to be adults that penalize it.

我们长大成人后 又惩罚这种愤怒。

So what if we didn't do that?

那如果我们不那么做呢？

What if we didn't sever anger from femininity?

如果我们不切断 愤怒与女性气质？

因为将愤怒从女性气质中去除， 意味着我们切断女孩和妇女与

Because severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women

from the emotion that best protects us from injustice.

最能保护她们免受不公正的情感。

What if instead we thought about developing emotional competence

如果相反，我们考虑培养

男孩和女孩的情感能力，如何？

for boys and girls?

The fact is we still remarkably socialize children

事实是，我们仍然以 非常二元

in very binary and oppositional ways.

和相对的方式让儿童交往。

Boys are held to absurd, rigid norms of masculinity --

男孩们被要求具有荒谬、僵硬的 男子气概，

told to renounce the feminine emotionality of sadness or fear

去除悲伤或恐惧 这些所谓的女性情感，

and to embrace aggression and anger as markers of real manhood.

并抱侵略性和愤怒， 这被看作是男子汉的标志。

On the other hand, girls learn to be deferential,

在另一方面，女孩 学会要毕恭毕敬，

and anger is incompatible with deference.

但愤怒与恭敬并不兼容。

In the same way that we learned to cross our legs and tame our hair,

以同样的方式，我们学会了 交叉腿而坐并驯服我们的头发，

we learned to bite our tongues and swallow our pride.

我们学会了咬住舌头保持沉默， 吞下我们的骄傲。

What happens too often is that for all of us,

经常发生的是， 对我们所有人来说，

indignity becomes imminent in our notions of femininity.

我们认知的女性观念中， 无礼侮辱变得迫在眉睫。

There's a long personal and political tale to that bifurcation.

这一分歧有着漫长的个人 和政治故事。

In anger, we go from being spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,

当愤怒时，我们可以是 宠坏的公主和荷尔蒙爆发的青少年，

to high maintenance women and shrill, ugly nags.

也可以是难伺候的妇女， 刺耳，丑陋的唠叨狂。

We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.

我们也有口味，请挑选你的口味。

Are you a spicy hot Latina when you're mad?

当你生气时， 你是热辣拉丁女郎？

Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman? Or a crazy white one?

悲伤亚洲女孩？ 愤怒黑人女人？ 疯狂白人妇女？ 你可以挑选。

You can pick.

But in fact, the effect is that when we say what's important to us,

但事实上, 当我们在表达对我们很重要的事时，

which is what anger is conveying,

就是愤怒所传达的，

people are more likely to get angry at us for being angry.

人们更有可能对 我们的愤怒感到生气。

Whether we're at home or in school or at work or in a political arena,

无论我们是在家里、在学校、 在工作中还是在政治舞台上，

anger confirms masculinity, and it confounds femininity.

愤怒证实了男子气概， 却混淆了女性气质。

So men are rewarded for displaying it,

所以，男人会因为展示它 而得到回报，

and women are penalized for doing the same.

而女人也会 因为它而受到惩罚。

This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,

这使我们处于巨大的不利之中， 特别是当我们必须捍卫

particularly when we have to defend ourselves and our own interests.

自己和自身利益的时候。

If we're faced with a threatening street harasser, predatory employer,

如果我们面对有威胁性的 街头骚扰者或是强取豪夺的雇主，

a sexist, racist classmate,

或是一个有性别歧视、 种族主义的同学，我们的大脑尖叫，

our brains are screaming, "Are you kidding me?"

“你逗我啊？”

And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"

而我们的嘴却说，“对不起，什么？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Right?

对吧？

And it's conflicting because the anger gets all tangled up

这是相互矛盾的，因为愤怒

与焦虑、恐惧、 风险和报复纠缠在一起。

with the anxiety and the fear and the risk and retaliation.

If you ask women what they fear the most in response to their anger,

如果问女性，她们最害怕 别人如何回应她们的愤怒，

they don't say violence.

她们不会说暴力。

They say mockery.

而是嘲弄。

Think about what that means.

想想这意味着什么。

If you have multiple marginalized identities, it's not just mockery.

如果你有多个被边缘化的身份，

如果你为自己辩护， 受到的就不仅仅是嘲弄。

If you defend yourself, if you put a stake in the ground,

如果你认真对待这些， 可能会有可怕的后果。

there can be dire consequences.

Now we reproduce these patterns not in big, bold and blunt ways,

现在我们一直再现这些情况， 虽不是生硬直白地展现，

but in the everyday banality of life.

而是在于日常的平庸生活。

When my daughter was in preschool, every single morning

当我的女儿在幼儿园时， 每天早上

she built an elaborate castle -- ribbons and blocks --

她会搭一个精致的城堡， 用丝带和积木。

and every single morning the same boy knocked it down gleefully.

每天早晨，同一个男孩会 兴高采烈地把它撞倒。

His parents were there, but they never intervened before the fact.

他的父母在那里， 但他们从来没有在事前干预过。

They were happy to provide platitudes afterwards:

但他们很乐意在 事后提供陈词滥调。

"Boys will be boys."

“ 男孩总归是男孩。”

"It's so tempting, he just couldn't help himself."

“ 这如此诱人， 他只是忍不住而已。”

I did what many girls and women learn to do.

我做了很多女孩 和妇女学会做的。

I preemptively kept the peace,

我先发制人维持了和平，我教 我的女儿做同样的事情。

and I taught my daughter to do the same thing.

She used her words.

她用她的话语阻止他。

She tried to gently body block him.

她试图轻轻地挡住他。

She moved where she was building in the classroom, to no effect.

她把城堡搬到了 教室里其它地方，没有影响他人。

So I and the other adults mutually constructed a particular male entitlement.

所以我和其他成年人共同 构建了一个特定的男性权利。

He could run rampant and control the environment,

他可以肆无忌惮地运行、控制环境，

and she kept her feelings to herself and worked around his needs.

而她把自己的感情藏在心里， 并努力解决他的需求。

We failed both of them by not giving her anger the uptake

我们没为她的愤怒提供 应有的理解和决心，

and resolution that it deserved.

这让他们两方都失望了。

Now that's a microcosm of a much bigger problem.

现在，这是一个巨大问题的缩影， 因为在文化上，世界上，

Because culturally, worldwide,

we preference the performance of masculinity --

我们更喜欢男性的表现，以及 伴随这种表现而来的力量和特权，

and the power and privilege that come with that performance --

而不是儿童和女性的权利、需要

over the rights and needs and words of children and women.

以及诉求。

So it will come as absolutely no surprise, probably, to the people in this room

因此，对于 在座的人来说，

that women report being angrier in more sustained ways and with more intensity

报告说女性比男性更持久、 更强烈地愤怒

than men do.

这是绝对不足为奇的。

Some of that comes from the fact that we're socialized to ruminate,

其中的一些原因是，我们被社会化了， 会反复思考，

to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.

将它藏于心中并自己思考。

But we also have to find socially palatable ways

但我们也必须找到 社会可接受的方法

to express the intensity of emotion that we have

来表达我们的 强烈情感和

and the awareness that it brings of our precarity.

意识到它给我们带来的不稳定。

So we do several things.

所以我们做了几件事。

If men knew how often women were filled with white hot rage when we cried,

如果男人知道当女人哭的时候， 我们是充满了多么炽热的愤怒，

they would be staggered.

他们就会非常吃惊。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We use minimizing language.

我们使用最小化的语言。

"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."

“ 我们只是感到沮丧，不，真的， 没关系。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

We self-objectify and lose the ability

我们自我客观化，失去能力去认清

to even recognize the physiological changes that indicate anger.

表明愤怒的生理变化。

Mainly, though, we get sick.

但大多情况下，我们会生病。

Anger has now been implicated in a whole array of illnesses

现在，愤怒与 一整套疾病有关

that are casually dismissed as "women's illnesses."

这些疾病随便被视为 “妇女疾病”。

Higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,

慢性疼痛， 自身免疫性疾病，饮食紊乱，

mental distress, anxiety, self harm, depression.

精神痛苦，焦虑， 自我伤害，抑郁症的比率较高。

Anger affects our immune systems, our cardiovascular systems.

愤怒影响我们的免疫系统和 心血管系统。

Some studies even indicate that it affects mortality rates,

一些研究甚至表明， 它影响到死亡率，

particularly in black women with cancer.

尤其是黑人患癌症的妇女。

I am sick and tired of the women I know being sick and tired.

我厌倦了我认识的女性所受 疾病与疲惫的困扰。

Our anger brings great discomfort,

我们的愤怒带来了极大的不适，

and the conflict comes because it's our role to bring comfort.

而这其中的冲突就在于 我们的作用常常是给别人带来安慰。

There is anger that's acceptable.

有愤怒是可以接受的。

We can be angry when we stay in our lanes and buttress the status quo.

当我们在自己的界限中 作为母亲或老师的时候，

As mothers or teachers,

我们可以生气。

we can be mad, but we can't be angry about the tremendous costs of nurturing.

我们可以生气，但我们不能对 养育生命的巨大代价感到愤怒。

We can be angry at our mothers.

我们可以对我们的母亲生气。

Let's say, as teenagers -- patriarchal rules and regulations --

比方说，作为青少年， 父权规则和条例，

we don't blame systems, we blame them.

我们不怪系统。我们责怪她们。

We can be angry at other women, because who doesn't love a good catfight?

我们可以对别的女人生气 因为谁不爱好勾心斗呢？

And we can be angry at men with lower status in an expressive hierarchy

我们可以对那些 在种族歧视、仇外主义的社会中处于

that supports racism or xenophobia.

社会底层的男性泄愤。

But we have an enormous power in this.

但是，我们有巨大的力量。

Because feelings are the purview of our authority,

因为感情 是我们权威的范围，

and people are uncomfortable with our anger.

人们对 我们的愤怒感到不适，

We should be making people comfortable with the discomfort they feel

我们应该要热让 那些听到女人毫无歉意地说不

when women say no, unapologetically.

会感到不适的人们 感到舒服。

We can take emotions and think in terms of competence and not gender.

我们可以以能力而非性别 来看待情感和思考。

People who are able to process their anger and make meaning from it

能够处理愤怒并从中找到意义的人

are more creative, more optimistic,

更有创意，更乐观，

they have more intimacy,

会与人更亲密，

they're better problem solvers,

更能解决问题，

they have greater political efficacy.

更有政治效力。

Now I am a woman writing about women and feelings,

我是一个女人，我书写女性和感情， 所以很少有权力的男人会

so very few men with power

认真对待我说的话， 将它作为一个政治问题。

are going to take what I'm saying seriously, as a matter of politics.

We think of politics and anger in terms of the contempt and disdain and fury

我们认为政治和愤怒 就是轻蔑，蔑视和愤怒

that are feeding a rise of macho-fascism in the world.

这些正在助长世界各地的 大男子-法西斯主义。

But if it's that poison, it's also the antidote.

但是，如果它是毒药， 它也是解毒剂。

We have an anger of hope, and we see it every single day

我们有着怀着希望的愤怒， 我们每天都在

in the resistant anger of women and marginalized people.

妇女和边缘化人民的抗拒中 看到这种愤怒。

It's related to compassion and empathy and love,

它与同情心、同理心和爱相连，

and we should recognize that anger as well.

我们也应该 认识到这种愤怒。

The issue is that societies that don't respect women's anger don't respect women.

问题在于不尊重女性愤怒的社会 同样不尊重女性。

The real danger of our anger isn't that it will break bonds or plates.

我们愤怒的真正危险不是 它会破坏纽带或盘子。

It's that it exactly shows how seriously we take ourselves,

它恰恰表明了 我们是多么认真地对待自己，

and we expect other people to take us seriously as well.

我们期望其他人也认真对待我们。

When that happens, chances are very good

当发生这种情况时，

女性很有可能可以 在她们愿意的时候微笑。

that women will be able to smile when they want to.

(Applause)

Thank you.

谢谢你们。

(Applause) (Cheers)

（掌声）（欢呼）