The power of women's anger | Soraya Chemaly

Translator: Ellen Maloney

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 易帆 余

So sometimes I get angry,

有時，我會生氣，

and it took me many years to be able to say just those words.

為了說出這幾個字 花了我好多年的時間。

In my work,

在我工作時，

sometimes my body thrums, I'm so enraged.

我的身體有時會顫抖， 我會很憤怒。

But no matter how justified my anger has been,

但無論我的怒火有多正當的理由，

throughout my life,

在我的一生中，

I've always been led to understand that my anger is an exaggeration,

我一直被教育， 我的怒火是一種誇大、

a misrepresentation,

刻意的扭曲，

that it will make me rude and unlikable.

認為這怒火會讓我 顯得無禮且不討喜。

Mainly as a girl, I learned, as a girl, that anger is an emotion

主要是身為女孩， 我了解到身為女孩，

better left entirely unvoiced.

憤怒是一種情緒， 最好不要表現出來。

Think about my mother for a minute.

來講個跟我媽有關的故事。

When I was 15, I came home from school one day,

我十五歲時，有一天我放學回家，

and she was standing on a long veranda outside of our kitchen,

她站在我們廚房外的長廊上，

holding a giant stack of plates.

拿了一大疊的盤子。

Imagine how dumbfounded I was when she started to throw them like Frisbees...

想像當她把盤子當飛盤般 扔向我時，我有多目瞪口呆……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

into the hot, humid air.

扔向又熱又濕的空氣中。

When every single plate had shattered into thousands of pieces

在所有的盤子碎成數千片

on the hill below,

掉落到下頭的斜坡上後，

she walked back in and she said to me, cheerfully, "How was your day?"

她走回屋內，開心地對我說： 「你今天過得如何？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now you can see how a child would look at an incident like this

各位應該可以理解 孩子在面對這樣的事件之後，

and think that anger is silent, isolating, destructive, even frightening.

會以為憤怒是沉默的、孤立的、 摧毀性的，甚至是可怕的。

Especially though when the person who's angry is a girl or a woman.

特別是當憤怒的人 是一位女孩或女人的時候。

The question is why.

問題是，為什麼？

Anger is a human emotion, neither good nor bad.

憤怒是一種人類情緒，沒有好壞。

It is actually a signal emotion.

它其實是一種信號情緒。 它在對我們受到的

It warns us of indignity, threat, insult and harm.

屈辱、威脅、侮辱和傷害發出警告。

And yet, in culture after culture, anger is reserved as the moral property

然而，在各個文化的認知當中，

憤怒這品格特質 被保留給男孩和男人。

of boys and men.

Now, to be sure, there are differences.

但無可否認，是有差別的。

So in the United States, for example,

比如，在美國，

an angry black man is viewed as a criminal,

憤怒的黑人會被視為罪犯，

but an angry white man has civic virtue.

但憤怒的白人卻被認為有公德心。

Regardless of where we are, however, the emotion is gendered.

然而，不論在哪個地方， 這種情緒都有性別差異。

And so we teach children to disdain anger in girls and women,

所以，我們會去教導孩子 鄙視女孩和女人的憤怒，

and we grow up to be adults that penalize it.

長大後還要懲罰憤怒的女性。

So what if we didn't do that?

如果我們沒這麼做，會怎樣？

What if we didn't sever anger from femininity?

如果我們不把憤怒 和女性氣質分開來談，會怎樣？

Because severing anger from femininity means we sever girls and women

因為切斷女性氣質的憤怒

意味著女性面對不公不義時

from the emotion that best protects us from injustice.

最能保護她們的情緒也被切斷了。

What if instead we thought about developing emotional competence

倘若我們轉而思考

直接培養男孩和女孩 處理情緒的能力呢？

for boys and girls?

The fact is we still remarkably socialize children

事實上，我們的社會還是會用二分法

in very binary and oppositional ways.

或非常對立的方式 將男女生分別看待。

Boys are held to absurd, rigid norms of masculinity --

也就是，男孩要遵守荒唐 又死板的男子氣概標準——

told to renounce the feminine emotionality of sadness or fear

告訴他們不能夠有女性特有的 悲傷或害怕的特質，

and to embrace aggression and anger as markers of real manhood.

且直接面對侵略和憤怒 才是真男人的表現。

On the other hand, girls learn to be deferential,

另一方面，女孩則要學會三從四德，

and anger is incompatible with deference.

且憤怒與遵從是不相容的。

In the same way that we learned to cross our legs and tame our hair,

同樣地，我們女生得學會 兩腿併好，把頭髮梳順，

we learned to bite our tongues and swallow our pride.

我們得學會忍著不說出 自己的感覺，把自尊往肚裡吞。

What happens too often is that for all of us,

於是大部份人遇到一種情況：

indignity becomes imminent in our notions of femininity.

女性觀念使得侮辱變得迫在眉睫。

There's a long personal and political tale to that bifurcation.

此個人觀感與政治都不正確的二分法 是長久以來存在的謊言。

In anger, we go from being spoiled princesses and hormonal teens,

一旦發怒就會被扣上這些帽子： 犯公主病、荷爾蒙作怪的青少年，

to high maintenance women and shrill, ugly nags.

或難以伺候、愛尖叫 又醜又嘮叨的女人。

We have flavors, though; pick your flavor.

我們有不同的口味；隨你挑。

Are you a spicy hot Latina when you're mad?

當你生氣時，你是火辣的 拉丁美洲女郎嗎？

Or a sad Asian girl? An angry black woman? Or a crazy white one?

還是悲傷的亞洲女孩？ 憤怒的黑人女性？抓狂的白種女人？

You can pick.

隨你挑選。

But in fact, the effect is that when we say what's important to us,

但，事實上，效應就是 當我們說出對我們重要的事，

which is what anger is conveying,

表達我們的憤怒時，

people are more likely to get angry at us for being angry.

大家比較有可能會對 我們的憤怒而感到生氣。

Whether we're at home or in school or at work or in a political arena,

不論我們在家、在學校、 在工作，或在政治舞台，

anger confirms masculinity, and it confounds femininity.

憤怒是男子氣概的表現， 這會混淆我們對女性特質的定義。

So men are rewarded for displaying it,

所以，男人展現憤怒會被獎賞，

and women are penalized for doing the same.

換成女人，則會被懲罰。

This puts us at an enormous disadvantage,

這讓我們處在非常大的劣勢，

particularly when we have to defend ourselves and our own interests.

特別是當我們得要保護自己 或守護自身利益時。

If we're faced with a threatening street harasser, predatory employer,

如果我們面臨有威脅性的 街頭騷擾者、掠奪型的僱主、

a sexist, racist classmate,

性別歧視、種族歧視的同學，

our brains are screaming, "Are you kidding me?"

實際上我們的大腦是在尖叫： 「你在耍我嗎？」

And our mouths say, "I'm sorry, what?"

但我們的嘴巴卻只能說： 「我很抱歉，怎麼了？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Right?

對吧？

And it's conflicting because the anger gets all tangled up

這很矛盾，因為憤怒和焦慮、

with the anxiety and the fear and the risk and retaliation.

恐懼、風險、報復都糾纏在一起。

If you ask women what they fear the most in response to their anger,

如果問女人，她們最怕別人 在她們憤怒時做出什麼樣的反應，

they don't say violence.

她們不會回答是暴力。

They say mockery.

她們會說是嘲笑。

Think about what that means.

想想看那是什麼意思。

If you have multiple marginalized identities, it's not just mockery.

如果你有多種被邊緣化的身份， 受到的就不僅僅是嘲弄。

If you defend yourself, if you put a stake in the ground,

如果你為自己辯護，

如果你勇敢站出來為自己發聲， 可能會有可怕的後果。

there can be dire consequences.

Now we reproduce these patterns not in big, bold and blunt ways,

如今，我們不會大辣辣地 讓這些事一再發生，

but in the everyday banality of life.

但卻不知不覺地，每天在 我們的日常生活中一直出現。

When my daughter was in preschool, every single morning

前陣子，我女兒去上幼稚園，

she built an elaborate castle -- ribbons and blocks --

每天早上，她都會建造一座 精緻的城堡——絲帶和積木——

and every single morning the same boy knocked it down gleefully.

每天早上，同一個男孩 都會興高采烈地把它撞倒。

His parents were there, but they never intervened before the fact.

他的父母也在場， 卻不會在事發前干預。

They were happy to provide platitudes afterwards:

他們總是在事後 很開心的說些陳腔濫調：

"Boys will be boys."

「男孩就是這樣子的。」

"It's so tempting, he just couldn't help himself."

「這太誘人了，他無法控制自己。」

I did what many girls and women learn to do.

我所做的事，是許多女孩 和女人學會做的事。

I preemptively kept the peace,

我會提前表示和平，

and I taught my daughter to do the same thing.

我會教我的女兒也要這麼做。

She used her words.

她用她的言語。

She tried to gently body block him.

她試圖溫和地用身體阻擋他。

She moved where she was building in the classroom, to no effect.

她移動了她在教室中 建城堡的地點，但沒有用。

So I and the other adults mutually constructed a particular male entitlement.

所以其實，我和其他成人是在 建造一種男性專有的權利。

He could run rampant and control the environment,

讓他可以很猖獗並且控制環境，

and she kept her feelings to herself and worked around his needs.

而她要把自已的感覺藏在心裡， 避開，不影響他的需求。

We failed both of them by not giving her anger the uptake

我們辜負了他們兩人， 因為我們沒有理解她的憤怒，

and resolution that it deserved.

她的憤怒應當獲得解決，但卻沒有。

Now that's a microcosm of a much bigger problem.

這只是一個更大問題的縮影。

Because culturally, worldwide,

因為，全世界的文化

we preference the performance of masculinity --

都偏愛男子氣慨的表現——

and the power and privilege that come with that performance --

賦予這類表現權力及特權——

over the rights and needs and words of children and women.

相對不那麼重視孩子和女人的 權利、需求、語言。

So it will come as absolutely no surprise, probably, to the people in this room

所以在座各位應該不意外 如果將來有報告指出：

that women report being angrier in more sustained ways and with more intensity

女人的憤怒比男人更久，

強度也更高。

than men do.

Some of that comes from the fact that we're socialized to ruminate,

部分原因是我們被社會化， 會反覆思考，

to keep it to ourselves and mull it over.

把憤怒藏在心底。

But we also have to find socially palatable ways

但我們得必須找到 社會可接受的方法，

to express the intensity of emotion that we have

來表達我們的強烈不滿，

and the awareness that it brings of our precarity.

並意識到這些會帶來衝突。

So we do several things.

所以，我們會有幾種做法。

If men knew how often women were filled with white hot rage when we cried,

如果男人知道，我們女人哭泣時， 心中充滿怒火的頻率，

they would be staggered.

他們會嚇到。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We use minimizing language.

我們會裝沒事的說 :

"We're frustrated. No, really, it's OK."

「我們很難過。但其實沒關係。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We self-objectify and lose the ability

我們會自我合理化， 甚至失去了一種能力，

to even recognize the physiological changes that indicate anger.

一種無法發現到自己憤怒時的 生理變化的能力。

Mainly, though, we get sick.

我們大部分會生病。

Anger has now been implicated in a whole array of illnesses

如今，憤怒與一大堆疾病有關，

that are casually dismissed as "women's illnesses."

這些疾病也無端端地 被視為「婦女疾病」。

Higher rates of chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, disordered eating,

頻繁的慢性疼痛、自我免疫失調、

不正常進食、心理痛苦、 焦慮、自我傷害、憂鬱。

mental distress, anxiety, self harm, depression.

Anger affects our immune systems, our cardiovascular systems.

憤怒會影響我們的 免疫系統、心肺系統。

Some studies even indicate that it affects mortality rates,

有些研究還指出， 憤怒會影響死亡率，

particularly in black women with cancer.

特別是得癌症的黑人女性。

I am sick and tired of the women I know being sick and tired.

認識的女人生病、疲憊 ——我受夠了。

Our anger brings great discomfort,

我們的憤怒帶來極大的不適，

and the conflict comes because it's our role to bring comfort.

而衝突就在於 我們要扮演安慰人的角色。

There is anger that's acceptable.

有些憤怒可被接受。

We can be angry when we stay in our lanes and buttress the status quo.

我們謹守分際時生氣可被接受。

As mothers or teachers,

身為母親或老師可以生氣，

we can be mad, but we can't be angry about the tremendous costs of nurturing.

但不能因勞心勞力養育生命而憤怒。

We can be angry at our mothers.

我們可以氣我們的母親。

Let's say, as teenagers -- patriarchal rules and regulations --

比如，青少年時—— 爸媽訂的規則和規定——

we don't blame systems, we blame them.

我們不怪罪體制，但怪罪他們。

We can be angry at other women, because who doesn't love a good catfight?

我們可以對別的女人生氣， 因為那些人特別愛勾心鬥角。

And we can be angry at men with lower status in an expressive hierarchy

我們能對那些社會階層低

that supports racism or xenophobia.

支持種族歧視和仇外的男性生氣。

But we have an enormous power in this.

但我們有很強大的力量。

Because feelings are the purview of our authority,

因為感覺舒不舒服是主觀的，

and people are uncomfortable with our anger.

人們對我們憤怒感到不快。

We should be making people comfortable with the discomfort they feel

我們要讓「聽到女人說不」

會感到不快的那些人 適應他們的不快，

when women say no, unapologetically.

我們用不著覺得過意不去。

We can take emotions and think in terms of competence and not gender.

我們可以用能力而非性別 來看待情緒與思考。

People who are able to process their anger and make meaning from it

能夠處理自己的憤怒， 並讓它有意義的人，

are more creative, more optimistic,

是比較有創意、比較樂觀的人，

they have more intimacy,

他們比較親密，

they're better problem solvers,

比較會解決問題，

they have greater political efficacy.

他們有比較好的政治效力。

Now I am a woman writing about women and feelings,

我是女人，我寫的主題 是女人和感覺，

so very few men with power

所以，很少有權力的男人

are going to take what I'm saying seriously, as a matter of politics.

會認真看待我說的話， 並把它視為一個政治議題。

We think of politics and anger in terms of the contempt and disdain and fury

我們會用輕視、鄙棄、暴怒的角度 來看待政治和憤怒，

that are feeding a rise of macho-fascism in the world.

這會讓大男人法西斯主義 在世界上興起。

But if it's that poison, it's also the antidote.

但，如果它是毒藥， 它也會是解藥。

We have an anger of hope, and we see it every single day

我們對憤怒有所期望， 我們每天都會看到

in the resistant anger of women and marginalized people.

女人以及被邊緣化者不停地憤怒。

It's related to compassion and empathy and love,

這和同情心、同理心以及愛有關係。

and we should recognize that anger as well.

我們也應該要認知到這種憤怒。

The issue is that societies that don't respect women's anger don't respect women.

問題在於：

不尊重女人憤怒的社會 就不尊重女人。

The real danger of our anger isn't that it will break bonds or plates.

我們的憤怒最危險之處 不在於打壞關係或盤子，

It's that it exactly shows how seriously we take ourselves,

而在於我們有多認真對待自己，

and we expect other people to take us seriously as well.

和期望別人多認真對待我們。

When that happens, chances are very good

如果能實現這一點，很有可能，

that women will be able to smile when they want to.

女人就能在她們想要 微笑的時候微笑了。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause) (Cheers)

（掌聲）（歡呼）