How to let go of being a "good" person — and become a better person | Dolly Chugh

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Tijana Mihajlović

So a friend of mine was riding in a taxi to the airport the other day,

Jedna moja prijateljica se vozila taksijem do aerodroma pre neki dan.

and on the way, she was chatting with the taxi driver,

Na putu do aerodroma je ćaskala sa taksistom

and he said to her, with total sincerity,

i on joj je rekao, krajnje iskreno:

"I can tell you are a really good person."

„Vidi se da si baš dobra osoba.“

And when she told me this story later,

Kada mi je kasnije ispričala tu priču,

she said she couldn't believe how good it made her feel,

rekla je da nije mogla da veruje koliko se dobro zbog toga osetila,

that it meant a lot to her.

da joj je to mnogo značilo.

Now that may seem like a strong reaction from my friend

Ovo može delovati kao preterana reakcija

to the words of a total stranger,

moje drugarice na reči potpunog neznanca,

but she's not alone.

ali ona nije jedina u tome.

I'm a social scientist.

Ja sam društvena naučnica.

I study the psychology of good people,

Izučavam psihologiju dobrih ljudi,

and research in my field says many of us care deeply

a istraživanje u mojoj oblasti kaže da je mnogima među nama duboko stalo

about feeling like a good person and being seen as a good person.

da se osećamo kao dobra osoba i da nas drugi vide kao dobru osobu.

Now, your definition of "good person" and your definition of "good person"

E, sad, vaša definicija „dobre osobe“ i vaša definicija „dobre osobe“

and maybe the taxi driver's definition of "good person" --

i možda taksistina definicija „dobre osobe“ -

ne moramo svi imati istu definiciju,

we may not all have the same definition,

but within whatever our definition is,

ali šta god da je naša definicija,

that moral identity is important to many of us.

taj moralni identitet je važan za mnoge među nama.

Now, if somebody challenges it, like they question us for a joke we tell,

Ako ga neko dovede u pitanje, na primer, preispituju nas zbog šale koju ispričamo,

or maybe we say our workforce is homogenous,

ili je možda, recimo, naša radna snaga homogena

or a slippery business expense,

ili imamo nezgodan poslovni izdatak,

we go into red-zone defensiveness a lot of the time.

često zauzimamo odbrambeni stav.

I mean, sometimes we call out

Mislim, ponekad se pozivamo

all the ways in which we help people from marginalized groups,

na sve načine na koje pomažemo ljudima iz marginalizovanih grupa,

or we donate to charity,

na donacije u dobrotvorne svrhe

or the hours we volunteer to nonprofits.

ili na sve naše sate volonterskog rada za neprofitne organizacije.

We work to protect that good person identity.

Trudimo se da zaštitimo taj identitet dobre osobe.

It's important to many of us.

To je mnogima od nas važno.

But what if I told you this?

Ali, šta ako vam kažem sledeće?

What if I told you that our attachment to being good people

Šta ako bih vam rekla da nas vezanost za to da smo dobri ljudi

is getting in the way of us being better people?

sputava u tome da budemo bolji ljudi?

What if I told you that our definition of "good person" is so narrow,

Šta ako vam kažem da je naša definicija „dobre osobe“ toliko uska

it's scientifically impossible to meet?

da je naučno nemoguće dostići je?

And what if I told you the path to being better people

Šta ako bih vam rekla da put do toga da postanete bolja osoba

just begins with letting go of being a good person?

počinje time što se oslobodite toga da ste dobra osoba?

Now, let me tell you a little bit about the research

Da vam sada ispričam ponešto

o istraživanju načina na koji ljudski um funkcioniše

about how the human mind works

to explain.

da bih ovo objasnila.

The brain relies on shortcuts to do a lot of its work.

Mozak se oslanja na prečice da bi obavio dobar deo svojih zadataka.

That means a lot of the time,

To znači da se često

your mental processes are taking place outside of your awareness,

vaši mentalni procesi obavljaju izvan vaše svesti,

like in low-battery, low-power mode in the back of your mind.

kao da su u režimu smanjenog korišćenja baterije,

negde u nesvesnom delu uma.

That's, in fact, the premise of bounded rationality.

To je zapravo pretpostavka ograničene racionalnosti.

Bounded rationality is the Nobel Prize-winning idea

Ograničena racionalnost je ideja dobitnika Nobelove nagrade

that the human mind has limited storage resources,

da ljudski um poseduje ograničene resurse za skladištenje,

limited processing power,

ograničenu moć obrade,

and as a result, it relies on shortcuts to do a lot of its work.

i posledično se oslanja na prečice da bi obavio veliki deo posla.

So for example,

Tako, na primer,

some scientists estimate that in any given moment ...

neki naučnici procenjuju da u svakom trenutku...

Better, better click, right? There we go.

Treba da bolje pucnem, je l' da? Evo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

At any given moment,

U svakom datom momentu,

11 million pieces of information are coming into your mind.

11 miliona pojedinačnih informacija pristiže u naš um.

Eleven million.

Jedanaest miliona.

And only 40 of them are being processed consciously.

A samo 40 njih se svesno obradi.

So 11 million, 40.

Dakle, 11 miliona, 40.

I mean, has this ever happened to you?

Mislim, da li vam se ikada ovo desilo?

Have you ever had a really busy day at work,

Da li ste nekada imali zaista užurban dan na poslu,

and you drive home,

vozite se kući,

and when you get in the door,

i kada stignete do vrata,

you realize you don't even remember the drive home,

shvatate da se ni ne sećate vožnje do kuće,

like whether you had green lights or red lights.

na primer, da li ste naletali na zelena ili crvena svetla.

You don't even remember. You were on autopilot.

Uopšte se ne sećate. Bili ste na autopilotu.

Or have you ever opened the fridge,

Ili da li ste nekada otvorili frižider,

looked for the butter,

tražili puter,

swore there is no butter,

mogli ste se zakleti da ga nije bilo,

and then realized the butter was right in front of you the whole time?

a zatim ste shvatili da je puter sve vreme bio pred vama?

These are the kinds of "whoops" moments that make us giggle,

To su ti trenuci pravljenja grešaka kojima se smejemo,

and this is what happens in a brain

a to je nešto što se dešava u mozgu

that can handle 11 million pieces of information coming in

koji može da podnese da u njega uđe 11 miliona podataka,

with only 40 being processed consciously.

a da samo 40 bude svesno obrađeno.

That's the bounded part of bounded rationality.

To je ograničeni deo ograničene racionalnosti.

This work on bounded rationality

Ovaj rad na temu ograničene racionalnosti

is what's inspired work I've done with my collaborators

inspirisao je moje radove u saradnji

Max Bazerman and Mahzarin Banaji,

sa Maksom Bejzermanom i Mazarin Benaži

on what we call bounded ethicality.

na temu nečega što zovemo ograničenom etičnošću.

So it's the same premise as bounded rationality,

Ista je pretpostavka kao i kod ograničene racionalnosti,

that we have a human mind that is bounded in some sort of way

da imamo ljudski um koji je ograničen na neki način

and relying on shortcuts,

i oslanja se na prečice,

and that those shortcuts can sometimes lead us astray.

a te prečice nas nekada mogu navesti na pogrešan put.

With bounded rationality,

Kod ograničene racionalnosti,

perhaps it affects the cereal we buy in the grocery store,

to će možda uticati na to koje žitarice ćemo kupiti u prodavnici

or the product we launch in the boardroom.

ili na to koji ćemo proizvod predstaviti na zasedanju odbora.

With bounded ethicality, the human mind,

Uz ograničenu etičnost, ljudski um,

the same human mind,

isti ljudski um

is making decisions,

donosi odluke,

and here, it's about who to hire next,

a ovde se radi o tome koga sledećeg zaposliti,

or what joke to tell

koji vic ispričati

or that slippery business decision.

ili da li treba doneti nezgodnu poslovnu odluku.

So let me give you an example of bounded ethicality at work.

Dozvolite da vam iznesem primer ograničene etičnosti na poslu.

Unconscious bias is one place

Nesvesna pristrasnost je jedno od područja

where we see the effects of bounded ethicality.

gde vidimo efekte ograničene etičnosti.

So unconscious bias refers to associations we have in our mind,

Nesvesna pristrasnost se odnosi na asocijacije koje imamo u umu,

the shortcuts your brain is using to organize information,

prečice koje mozak koristi da bi organizovao informacije,

very likely outside of your awareness,

vrlo verovatno izvan vaše svesti

not necessarily lining up with your conscious beliefs.

i ne podudaraju se nužno da vašim svesnim uverenjima.

Researchers Nosek, Banaji and Greenwald

Istraživači Nosek, Benaži i Grinvald

have looked at data from millions of people,

pregledali su podatke dobijene od nekoliko miliona ljudi

and what they've found is, for example,

i našli su da, na primer,

most white Americans can more quickly and easily

većina Amerikanaca bele rase može brže i lakše

associate white people and good things

da poveže bele ljude i dobre stvari

than black people and good things,

nego crne ljude i dobre stvari,

and most men and women can more quickly and easily associate

a većina muškaraca i žena može brže i lakše da dovede u vezu

men and science than women and science.

muškarce i nauku nego žene i nauku.

And these associations don't necessarily line up

Ove asocijacije se ne poklapaju nužno

with what people consciously think.

sa onim što ljudi svesno misle.

They may have very egalitarian views, in fact.

Oni u stvari mogu imati vrlo egalitarna gledišta.

So sometimes, that 11 million and that 40 just don't line up.

Tako se ponekad tih 11 miliona i tih 40 informacija prosto ne uklapaju.

And here's another example:

Evo još jednog primera:

conflicts of interest.

konflikt interesa.

So we tend to underestimate how much a small gift --

Skloni smo tome da potcenimo koliko mali poklon -

imagine a ballpoint pen or dinner --

zamislite hemijsku ili večeru -

how much that small gift can affect our decision making.

koliko taj mali poklon može uticati na naše odlučivanje.

We don't realize that our mind is unconsciously lining up evidence

Ne shvatamo da naš um nesvesno izdvaja dokaze

to support the point of view of the gift-giver,

da bi podržao stanovište onoga ko je dao poklon,

no matter how hard we're consciously trying to be objective and professional.

bez obzira na to koliko se svesno trudimo da budemo objektivni i profesionalni.

We also see bounded ethicality --

Takođe vidimo ograničenu etičnost -

despite our attachment to being good people,

uprkos našoj privrženosti tome da budemo dobri ljudi,

we still make mistakes,

ipak pravimo greške,

and we make mistakes that sometimes hurt other people,

i to pravimo greške koje nekada povređuju druge,

that sometimes promote injustice,

koje nekad podstiču nepravdu,

despite our best attempts,

uprkos najboljim nastojanjima,

and we explain away our mistakes rather than learning from them.

i branimo svoje greške umesto da učimo iz njih.

Like, for example,

Na primer,

when I got an email from a female student in my class

kada sam dobila imejl od studentkinje iz svoje grupe

saying that a reading I had assigned,

u kome je stajalo da je tekst koji sam zadala,

a reading I had been assigning for years,

koji sam zadavala godinama,

was sexist.

seksistički.

Or when I confused two students in my class

Ili kada sam pomešala dva studenta u grupi

of the same race --

koji su bili iste rase -

look nothing alike --

a uopšte nisu ličili -

when I confused them for each other

kada sam ih pomešala

more than once, in front of everybody.

više puta, pred svima.

These kinds of mistakes send us, send me,

Takve greške šalju nas, šalju mene,

into red-zone defensiveness.

u opasno odbrambeno stanje.

They leave us fighting for that good person identity.

Ostavljaju nas da se borimo za taj identitet dobre osobe.

But the latest work that I've been doing on bounded ethicality with Mary Kern

Ali, najnoviji rad na kome sam radila vezan za ograničenu etičnost sa Meri Kern

says that we're not only prone to mistakes --

kaže da ne samo da smo skloni greškama,

that tendency towards mistakes depends on how close we are to that red zone.

već da ta sklonost ka pravljenju grešaka

zavisi od toga koliko smo blizu toj opasnoj zoni.

So most of the time, nobody's challenging our good person identity,

Većim delom vremena niko ne dovodi u pitanje naš identitet dobre osobe,

and so we're not thinking too much

tako da ne razmišljamo previše

about the ethical implications of our decisions,

o etičkim posledicama svojih odluka

and our model shows that we're then spiraling

i naš model pokazuje da se tada sve više okrećemo

towards less and less ethical behavior most of the time.

ponašanjima koja su sve manje etična, u većini slučajeva.

On the other hand, somebody might challenge our identity,

Sa druge strane, neko bi mogao preispitati naš identitet

or, upon reflection, we may be challenging it ourselves.

ili bismo to učinili mi sami, nakon promišljanja.

So the ethical implications of our decisions become really salient,

Tako etičke implikacije naših odluka postaju zaista primetne,

and in those cases, we spiral towards more and more good person behavior,

i u tim situacijama se sve više okrećemo postupcima dobre osobe

or, to be more precise,

ili, da budemo precizniji,

towards more and more behavior that makes us feel like a good person,

sve više ka postupcima zbog kojih se osećamo kao dobra osoba,

which isn't always the same, of course.

što, naravno, nije uvek isto.

The idea with bounded ethicality

Ideja ograničene etičnosti

is that we are perhaps overestimating

je da možda precenjujemo

the importance our inner compass is playing in our ethical decisions.

značaj uloge unutrašnjeg kompasa u našim etičkim odlukama.

We perhaps are overestimating how much our self-interest

Možda precenjujemo koliko naš lični interes

is driving our decisions,

pokreće naše odluke

and perhaps we don't realize how much our self-view as a good person

i možda ne shvatamo koliko naša slika o sebi kao dobroj osobi

is affecting our behavior,

utiče na naše ponašanje,

that in fact, we're working so hard to protect that good person identity,

da se zapravo toliko trudimo da zaštitimo taj identitet dobre osobe,

to keep out of that red zone,

da se klonimo te zone opasnosti,

that we're not actually giving ourselves space to learn from our mistakes

da ne dajemo prostora sebi da učimo iz svojih grešaka

and actually be better people.

i da zaista budemo bolji ljudi.

It's perhaps because we expect it to be easy.

Možda je to tako jer očekujemo da to bude lako.

We have this definition of good person that's either-or.

Imamo definiciju dobre osobe koja je ili-ili.

Either you are a good person or you're not.

Ili ste dobra osoba ili niste.

Either you have integrity or you don't.

Ili imate integritet ili nemate.

Either you are a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or you're not.

Ili jeste rasista, seksista, ili homofob ili niste.

And in this either-or definition, there's no room to grow.

A u ovoj definiciji ili-ili nema mesta za razvoj.

And by the way,

A inače,

this is not what we do in most parts of our lives.

to ne radimo u većini segmenata života.

Life, if you needed to learn accounting,

Na primer, ako treba da naučite računovodstvo,

you would take an accounting class,

išli biste na časove računovodstva

or if you become a parent,

ili, ako postanete roditelj,

we pick up a book and we read about it.

uzmete knjigu i čitate o tome.

We talk to experts,

Pričamo sa stručnjacima,

we learn from our mistakes,

učimo iz svojih grešaka,

we update our knowledge,

dopunjavamo znanje,

we just keep getting better.

jednostavno stalno napredujemo.

But when it comes to being a good person,

Ali, kada se radi o tome da budemo dobri ljudi,

we think it's something we're just supposed to know,

mislimo da je to nešto što prosto treba da znamo,

we're just supposed to do,

što se podrazumeva da radimo,

without the benefit of effort or growth.

bez ikakvog truda ili razvoja.

So what I've been thinking about

Zato sam razmišljala

is what if we were to just forget about being good people,

šta bi bilo da prosto zaboravimo na to da budemo dobri ljudi,

just let it go,

prosto da se oslobodimo toga,

and instead, set a higher standard,

i da umesto toga postavimo viši standard,

a higher standard of being a good-ish person?

da budemo donekle dobra osoba?

A good-ish person absolutely still makes mistakes.

Donekle dobra osoba zasigurno i dalje pravi greške.

As a good-ish person, I'm making them all the time.

Kao donekle dobra osoba, stalno pravim greške.

But as a good-ish person, I'm trying to learn from them, own them.

Ali, kao donekle dobra osoba, trudim se da učim iz njih, da ih prisvojim.

I expect them and I go after them.

Očekujem ih i tragam za njima.

I understand there are costs to these mistakes.

Shvatam da postoji cena ovih grešaka.

When it comes to issues like ethics and bias and diversity and inclusion,

Kada se radi o pitanjima poput etike, predrasuda, raznolikosti i inkluzije,

there are real costs to real people,

postoji stvarna cena za stvarne ljude,

and I accept that.

i to prihvatam.

As a good-ish person, in fact,

Kao donekle dobra osoba, zapravo,

I become better at noticing my own mistakes.

postajem bolja u prepoznavanju sopstvenih grešaka.

I don't wait for people to point them out.

Ne čekam da mi ljudi ukažu na njih.

I practice finding them,

Vežbam da ih pronalazim,

and as a result ...

i kao rezultat...

Sure, sometimes it can be embarrassing,

Naravno, to ponekad može da izazove osećaj sramote

it can be uncomfortable.

i da bude neprijatno.

We put ourselves in a vulnerable place, sometimes.

Ponekad postavimo sebe u ranjiv položaj.

But through all that vulnerability,

Ali, kroz svu tu ranjivost,

just like in everything else we've tried to ever get better at,

kao i u svemu ostalom u čemu pokušavamo da budemo bolji,

we see progress.

vidimo napredak.

We see growth.

Vidimo razvoj.

We allow ourselves to get better.

Omogućavamo sebi da postanemo bolji.

Why wouldn't we give ourselves that?

Zašto ne bismo to pružili sebi?

In every other part of our lives, we give ourselves room to grow --

U svakom drugom području života, dajemo sebi prostora za razvoj -

except in this one, where it matters most.

osim u ovome, gde je to najvažnije.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)