How to let go of being a "good" person — and become a better person | Dolly Chugh

Translator: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

翻译人员: jacks peng 校对人员: Zikun Fu

So a friend of mine was riding in a taxi to the airport the other day,

某天，我的一位朋友乘出租车去机场。

and on the way, she was chatting with the taxi driver,

在路上，她跟出租车司机闲聊，

and he said to her, with total sincerity,

他用非常真诚的语气对她说：

"I can tell you are a really good person."

“我看得出你是个好人。”

And when she told me this story later,

当她后来告诉我这个故事时，

she said she couldn't believe how good it made her feel,

她说这让她感到无比的开心，

that it meant a lot to her.

那句话对她的意义重大。

Now that may seem like a strong reaction from my friend

这看起来像是我朋友对陌生人话语的

to the words of a total stranger,

一种强烈反应，

but she's not alone.

但她并非特例。

I'm a social scientist.

我是一个社会科学家。

I study the psychology of good people,

我研究关于好人的心理学，

and research in my field says many of us care deeply

这个领域的研究显示， 大家对自认为是“好人”，

about feeling like a good person and being seen as a good person.

和被他人视为”好人“ 的感觉颇为在意。

Now, your definition of "good person" and your definition of "good person"

你对“好人”的定义， 或是你对“好人”的定义，

and maybe the taxi driver's definition of "good person" --

可能跟出租车司机定义的“好人”不同，

we may not all have the same definition,

我们也许没有相同的定义，

but within whatever our definition is,

但不管我们的定义是什么，

that moral identity is important to many of us.

这种道德认同对我们很多人都很重要。

Now, if somebody challenges it, like they question us for a joke we tell,

如果有人挑战这个事实， 比如他质疑我们讲的笑话，

or maybe we say our workforce is homogenous,

或者他说我们的劳动是同质的，

or a slippery business expense,

或者是一笔狡猾的商业支出，

we go into red-zone defensiveness a lot of the time.

我们在这些时候会 进入一种“红区警戒”状态。

I mean, sometimes we call out

我的意思是，有时候我们会用

all the ways in which we help people from marginalized groups,

各种方式来帮助那些处于社会边缘的人，

or we donate to charity,

或者向慈善组织捐赠，

or the hours we volunteer to nonprofits.

或者自愿成为非营利组织的义工。

We work to protect that good person identity.

我们努力捍卫这种好人的身份，

It's important to many of us.

这对我们多数人都很重要。

But what if I told you this?

但如果我告诉你们，

What if I told you that our attachment to being good people

我们对做好人的向往

is getting in the way of us being better people?

会阻止我们成为更好的人呢？

What if I told you that our definition of "good person" is so narrow,

如果我告诉你们， 我们对“好人”的定义很狭隘，

it's scientifically impossible to meet?

在科学角度上是无法实现的呢？

And what if I told you the path to being better people

又如果我告诉们，你成为更好的人的路径

just begins with letting go of being a good person?

只需从抛弃做一个好人开始呢？

Now, let me tell you a little bit about the research

那么，让我告诉你们一些

about how the human mind works

有关人类大脑是如何运作的研究，

to explain.

来解释我的说法。

The brain relies on shortcuts to do a lot of its work.

大脑依靠捷径完成很多工作，

That means a lot of the time,

这意味着大部分时间，

your mental processes are taking place outside of your awareness,

你的思维过程发生在你的意识之外，

like in low-battery, low-power mode in the back of your mind.

就像大脑处于低电量、低功耗模式下。

That's, in fact, the premise of bounded rationality.

其实，这是“有限理性”的前提。

Bounded rationality is the Nobel Prize-winning idea

“有限理性”是诺贝尔奖得主的观点，

that the human mind has limited storage resources,

人类大脑的存储资源是有限的，

limited processing power,

处理能力是有限的，

and as a result, it relies on shortcuts to do a lot of its work.

因此，它依靠捷径来完成很多工作。

So for example,

所以举个例子，

some scientists estimate that in any given moment ...

有些科学家估计在任何时刻…

比如打个响指的瞬间， 再来一次，这下打响了吧?

Better, better click, right? There we go.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

At any given moment,

在任意一个瞬间，

11 million pieces of information are coming into your mind.

数以千万计的信息会涌入你的大脑。

Eleven million.

整整1100万。

And only 40 of them are being processed consciously.

而其中只有四十个被有意识地处理。

So 11 million, 40.

所以 1100万 和 40 做下对比。

I mean, has this ever happened to you?

你有没有经历过这样的事？

Have you ever had a really busy day at work,

在工作超忙的一天，

and you drive home,

你开车回家，

and when you get in the door,

到家门口时，

you realize you don't even remember the drive home,

发现你甚至不记得驾车时的事，

like whether you had green lights or red lights.

比如是否过了红灯或绿灯。

You don't even remember. You were on autopilot.

你甚至不记得这些。 你当时相当于是在“自动驾驶”模式下。

Or have you ever opened the fridge,

或者你有没有开过冰箱，

looked for the butter,

寻找黄油，

swore there is no butter,

发誓没有黄油的痕迹，

and then realized the butter was right in front of you the whole time?

然后才意识到黄油一直就在你面前？

These are the kinds of "whoops" moments that make us giggle,

这些都是回想起来 让我们觉得好笑的时刻，

and this is what happens in a brain

这就是大脑为了应付

that can handle 11 million pieces of information coming in

1100万条涌进来的信息，

with only 40 being processed consciously.

但只有 40 条被有意识处理时所发生的事。

That's the bounded part of bounded rationality.

这就是“有限理性"的有限部分。

This work on bounded rationality

这个关于有限理性的研究

is what's inspired work I've done with my collaborators

提供了我和我的搭档

Max Bazerman and Mahzarin Banaji,

马克斯 · 巴泽曼 和 马扎林 · 巴纳吉

on what we call bounded ethicality.

研究“有限道德”的灵感来源。

So it's the same premise as bounded rationality,

这和“有限理性”的前提是一样的，

that we have a human mind that is bounded in some sort of way

我们的大脑是受束缚的，

and relying on shortcuts,

它需要依赖捷径，

and that those shortcuts can sometimes lead us astray.

并且这个捷径有时候会让我们误入歧途。

With bounded rationality,

考虑到人的有限理性，

perhaps it affects the cereal we buy in the grocery store,

可能它会影响我们在杂货店买的麦片，

or the product we launch in the boardroom.

或者我们在会议室推出的产品。

With bounded ethicality, the human mind,

当“有限道德”发生时，人类的大脑，

the same human mind,

如同有限理性一样，

is making decisions,

在做出决策。

and here, it's about who to hire next,

比如 要雇佣谁？

or what joke to tell

去讲什么笑话？

or that slippery business decision.

或是那个狡猾的商业决策。

So let me give you an example of bounded ethicality at work.

那么让我给你们一个有限道德 体现在工作中的案例。

Unconscious bias is one place

“无意识偏见”是

where we see the effects of bounded ethicality.

“有限道德”体现出的一个方面。

So unconscious bias refers to associations we have in our mind,

“无意识偏见”指我们大脑中的联想，

the shortcuts your brain is using to organize information,

那些大脑用来组织信息的捷径，

very likely outside of your awareness,

很可能在你的意识之外，

not necessarily lining up with your conscious beliefs.

不一定会符合你的意识信念。

Researchers Nosek, Banaji and Greenwald

研究者 诺斯，巴纳吉 和 格林沃尔德

have looked at data from millions of people,

看过了数百万人的数据，

and what they've found is, for example,

他们发现的是，例如：

most white Americans can more quickly and easily

多数美国白人能够更快和更轻松地

associate white people and good things

把白人和好事联系起来，

than black people and good things,

而非黑人和好事，

and most men and women can more quickly and easily associate

而且多数人更倾向于 把男性跟科学家联系起来，

men and science than women and science.

而不是把女性和科学家联系起来。

And these associations don't necessarily line up

而这些联系不一定

with what people consciously think.

与人们有意识的想法一致。

They may have very egalitarian views, in fact.

事实上，他们可能有非常平等的观点。

So sometimes, that 11 million and that 40 just don't line up.

所以有时候，1100万与40 的 对比并不是很合理。

And here's another example:

这是另外一个例子：

conflicts of interest.

利益冲突。

So we tend to underestimate how much a small gift --

我们往往会低估一个小礼物的作用——

imagine a ballpoint pen or dinner --

比如一支圆珠笔或一顿晚餐——

how much that small gift can affect our decision making.

这个小礼物能对我们的决策 产生多大的影响。

We don't realize that our mind is unconsciously lining up evidence

我们意识不到自己的大脑 会无意识地收集证据

to support the point of view of the gift-giver,

来支持送礼人的观点，

no matter how hard we're consciously trying to be objective and professional.

无论我们多么努力地保持客观和专业。

We also see bounded ethicality --

我们也能看到有界的道德——

despite our attachment to being good people,

即便我们希望当一个好人，

we still make mistakes,

我们仍会犯错，

and we make mistakes that sometimes hurt other people,

我们犯的错误有时候会伤害他人，

that sometimes promote injustice,

有时候会促进不公，

despite our best attempts,

尽管我们尽了最大的努力，

and we explain away our mistakes rather than learning from them.

我们还为自己的错误辩解， 而不是从中学习。

Like, for example,

比如说，

when I got an email from a female student in my class

有天我收到了班上女同学的电邮，

saying that a reading I had assigned,

说我布置的阅读材料，

a reading I had been assigning for years,

这个我指定了好些年的阅读材料，

was sexist.

有性别歧视。

Or when I confused two students in my class

或者当我把班上同种族的

of the same race --

两个学生弄混时——

look nothing alike --

他们俩看起来一点也不像——

when I confused them for each other

当我在大家面前，

more than once, in front of everybody.

不止一次把他们弄混时。

These kinds of mistakes send us, send me,

这些类型的错误让我们……让我，

into red-zone defensiveness.

进入了”红色警戒区“。

They leave us fighting for that good person identity.

它们让我们为好人的身份而战。

But the latest work that I've been doing on bounded ethicality with Mary Kern

但是我最近和 玛丽 · 克恩 做的关于有限道德的研究

says that we're not only prone to mistakes --

发现我们不仅容易犯错，

that tendency towards mistakes depends on how close we are to that red zone.

犯错的倾向还取决于 我们离红色区域的距离。

So most of the time, nobody's challenging our good person identity,

大多数时候， 没人质疑我们的好人身份。

and so we're not thinking too much

所以我们也没有想太多

about the ethical implications of our decisions,

关于我们决定的伦理意义，

and our model shows that we're then spiraling

我们的模型显示我们大部分时间

towards less and less ethical behavior most of the time.

都在朝着越来越少的道德行为发展。

On the other hand, somebody might challenge our identity,

另一方面，有人可能会 质疑我们的身份。

or, upon reflection, we may be challenging it ourselves.

或者，经过反思后我们会挑战自己。

So the ethical implications of our decisions become really salient,

所以我们决定的伦理意义变得非常突出，

and in those cases, we spiral towards more and more good person behavior,

在这些情况下，我们会 越来越倾向于好人的行为，

or, to be more precise,

或者，更准确地说，

towards more and more behavior that makes us feel like a good person,

越来越倾向于使我们 感觉像个好人的行为，

which isn't always the same, of course.

当然，有时候两者并不一样。

The idea with bounded ethicality

有限道德的观点是，

is that we are perhaps overestimating

我们可能高估了

the importance our inner compass is playing in our ethical decisions.

我们内在的指南针 在道德决策中的重要性。

We perhaps are overestimating how much our self-interest

我们可能高估了我们的自身利益

is driving our decisions,

驱使我们做出决策的程度，

and perhaps we don't realize how much our self-view as a good person

也许我们没有意识到 身为一个好人的自我认同感

is affecting our behavior,

对我们的行为有多大的影响，

that in fact, we're working so hard to protect that good person identity,

事实上，我们如此努力地去 捍卫我们的好人身份，

to keep out of that red zone,

远离红区，

that we're not actually giving ourselves space to learn from our mistakes

以致于我们没有足够的 空间从错误中学习，

and actually be better people.

去真正做一个更好的人。

It's perhaps because we expect it to be easy.

这可能是因为我们期待它会很容易。

We have this definition of good person that's either-or.

我们对好人的定义是非此即彼的。

Either you are a good person or you're not.

要么你是好人，要么不是。

Either you have integrity or you don't.

要么你诚实，要么不诚实。

Either you are a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or you're not.

要么你是种族主义者，或者性别歧视， 或者恐同者，要么都不是。

And in this either-or definition, there's no room to grow.

在这个非此即彼的定义中， 没有任何成长的空间。

And by the way,

顺便说一句：

this is not what we do in most parts of our lives.

这不是我们在大部分生活中做的事情。

Life, if you needed to learn accounting,

生活中，如果你需要学习会计，

you would take an accounting class,

你可能会报个会计班，

or if you become a parent,

或者如果你成为父母，

we pick up a book and we read about it.

我们会去找本书，学习为人父母之道。

We talk to experts,

我们跟专家交流，

we learn from our mistakes,

我们从错误中学习，

we update our knowledge,

我们更新我们的知识，

we just keep getting better.

我们不断变得更好。

But when it comes to being a good person,

但当涉及到成为好人时，

we think it's something we're just supposed to know,

我们则认为这是我们应该知道的，

we're just supposed to do,

我们应该去做的，

without the benefit of effort or growth.

却无需获得努力和成长带来的好处。

So what I've been thinking about

所以我在想的是：

is what if we were to just forget about being good people,

如果我们忘记做一个好人会怎样？

just let it go,

就这么随它去，

and instead, set a higher standard,

反之，设立一个更高的标准，

a higher standard of being a good-ish person?

一个善良人的更高标准？

A good-ish person absolutely still makes mistakes.

一个善良的人无疑仍会犯错误。

As a good-ish person, I'm making them all the time.

作为一个善良的人，我常常都会犯错误。

But as a good-ish person, I'm trying to learn from them, own them.

但作为一个善良人， 我试图从错误中学习，解决问题。

I expect them and I go after them.

不逃避错误，而是直面它们。

I understand there are costs to these mistakes.

我知道这些错误要付出代价，

When it comes to issues like ethics and bias and diversity and inclusion,

当涉及到伦理、偏见、 多样性和包容等问题时，

there are real costs to real people,

这对真实的人来说是真实存在的代价，

and I accept that.

而我接受这个事实。

As a good-ish person, in fact,

作为一个好人，事实上，

I become better at noticing my own mistakes.

我变得更善于发现自己的错误。

I don't wait for people to point them out.

我不用等别人指出它们，

I practice finding them,

我锻炼自己去寻找它们，

and as a result ...

结果呢？

Sure, sometimes it can be embarrassing,

当然，这有时候会让人感到很尴尬，

it can be uncomfortable.

会觉得不舒服。

We put ourselves in a vulnerable place, sometimes.

有时，我们会变得很脆弱。

But through all that vulnerability,

但克服了所有的弱点后，

just like in everything else we've tried to ever get better at,

就像所有一切我们努力 改进的东西一样，

we see progress.

我们可以看到进步。

We see growth.

我们可以看到成长。

We allow ourselves to get better.

我们允许自己变得更好。

Why wouldn't we give ourselves that?

为什么我们不能允许自己变得更好？

In every other part of our lives, we give ourselves room to grow --

在我们生活的其他方面， 我们都给了自己成长的空间，

except in this one, where it matters most.

然而在这个最重要的方面， 却始终无所作为。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）