4 Powerful Poems about Parkinson's and Growing Older | Robin Morgan | TED Talks

Prevodilac: Milenka Okuka Lektor: Mile Živković

When I was only three or four,

Kada su mi bile tek tri ili četiri godine,

I fell in love with poetry,

zaljubila sam se u poeziju,

with the rhythms and the music of language;

u ritam i muzikalnost jezika;

with the power of metaphor and of imagery,

zaljubila sam se u moć metafore i slika,

poetry being the essence of communication --

kako je poezija suština komunikacije -

the discipline, the distillation.

disciplina, destilacija.

And all these years later, the poems I'll read today

I sve ove godine potom, pesme koje ću vam čitati danas

are from my just-finished seventh book of poetry.

su iz moje upravo završene sedme knjige poezije.

Well, five years ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.

Pa, pre pet godina, dijagnostikovana mi je Parkinsonova bolest.

Though there's no cure yet,

Iako još uvek nema leka,

advances in treatment are really impressive.

napreci u lečenju su zaista impresivni.

But you can imagine that I was appalled to learn

Ali možete da zamislite kako sam zgrožena bila saznanjem

that women are largely left out of research trials,

da žene uglavnom izostavljaju u istraživačkim opitima,

despite gender-specific medical findings having demonstrated

iako su rodno specifična medicinska istraživanja pokazala

that we are not actually just small men --

da mi zapravo nismo prosto sitni muškarci -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

who happen to have different reproductive systems.

koji slučajno imaju različit redproduktivni sistem.

Gender-specific medicine is good for men, too.

Rodno specifična medicina je dobra i za muškarce, takođe.

But you bring to a crisis the person you already are,

Ali dovodite u krizu osobu koja već jeste,

including the, yes, momentum that you've learned to invoke

uključujući, da, impuls koji ste naučili da prizivate

through passionate caring and through action,

kroz strastvenu brigu i kroz delanje,

both of which require but also create energy.

a oboje zahtevaju, ali i stvaraju energiju.

So as an activist, I began working with the Parkinson's Disease Foundation --

Pa sam kao aktivistkinja počela da radim za Fondaciju za Parkinsonovu bolest -

that's pdf.org --

to je pdf.org -

to create a major initiative to put women on the Parkinson's disease map.

kako bih pokrenula važnu inicijativu da se žene stave na mapu Parkinsonove bolesti.

And as a poet, I began working with this subject matter,

A kao pesnikinja, počela sam da se bavim ovom problematikom,

finding it tragic, hilarious, sometimes even joyful.

pronalazeći je tragičnom, urnebesnom, ponekad čak i prijatnom.

I do not feel diminished by Parkinson's;

Ne osećam se umanjenom zbog Parkinsona;

I feel distilled by it,

već destilovanom

and I actually very much like the woman I'm distilling into.

i zapravo mi se veoma sviđa žena u koju se destilujem.

"No Signs of Struggle"

"Bez znakova borbe"

Growing small requires enormity of will:

Ogromna volja je potrebna da se smanjiš:

just sitting still in the doctor's waiting room

prosto da mirno sediš u čekaonici kod doktora,

watching the future shuffle in and out,

posmatraš budućnost kako se prikrada i iskrada,

watching it stoop; stare at you

posmatraš kako posrće; zuri u tebe

while you try not to look.

dok se ti trudiš da ne gledaš.

Rare is an exchange:

Retke su razmene:

a smile of brief, wry recognition.

osmeh kratkog, hladnog prepoznavanja.

You are the new kid on the block.

Nova si u ulici.

Everyone here was you once.

Svi su ovde nekad bili ti.

You are still learning that growing small requires a largeness of spirit

Još uvek učiš da smanjivanje zahteva širinu duha

you can't fit into yet:

u koju još ne možeš da se uklopiš:

acceptance of irritating help from those who love you;

iritirajuću pomoć da prihavtiš onih koji te vole;

giving way and over, but not up.

daješ se i odaješ, ali se ne predaješ.

You've swallowed hard the contents of the "Drink Me" bottle,

S mukom si progutala sadržaj "Popij me" boce

and felt yourself shrink.

i osetila si da se skupljaš.

Now, familiar furniture looms,

Sad se poznati nameštaj jedva nazire,

floors tilt, and doorknobs yield only when wrestled round with both hands.

podovi se nagibaju, a kvake tek pokleknu nakon rvanja obema rukama.

It demands colossal patience, all this growing small:

Kolosalno strpljenje zahteva sve ovo smanjivanje:

your diminished sleep at night,

tvoj sve kraći noćni san,

your handwriting, your voice, your height.

tvoj rukopis, tvoj glas, tvoj stas.

You are more the incredible shrinking woman

Pre si neverovatna skupljajuća žena

than the Buddhist mystic, serene, making do with less.

nego budistički mistik, koji se spokojno snalazi s malo.

Less is not always more.

Manje nije uvek više.

Yet in this emptying space, space glimmers,

Ipak, u ovom sve praznijem prostoru, prostor svetluca,

becoming visible.

postaje vidljiv.

Here is a place behind the eyes of those accustomed

To je prostor vidljiv onima koji su navikli

by what some would call diminishment.

na ono što neki bi nazvali nestajanjem.

It is a place of merciless poetry,

To je prostor nemilosrdne poezije,

a gift of presence previously ignored,

dar prisutnosti nekad zanemarivane,

drowned in the daily clutter.

utapane u larmi svakodnevice.

Here every gesture needs intention,

Ovde svaki gest zahteva nameru,

is alive with consciousness.

ispunjen je svesnošću.

Nothing is automatic.

Ništa nije automatizovano.

You can spot it in the provocation of a button,

Možete to spaziti u provokaciji dugmeta,

an arm poking at a sleeve,

ruci dok se probija kroz rukav,

a balancing act at a night-time curb while negotiating the dark.

noćnom balansiranju po ivicama dok pregovarate s tminom.

Feats of such modest valor,

Poduhvati tako skromnog junaštva,

who would suspect them to be exercises in an intimate, fierce discipline,

ko bi ikad pomislio da bi mogli biti vežbe intimne, svirepe discipline,

a metaphysics of being relentlessly aware?

metafizike stanja neumoljive svesnosti?

Such understated power here,

Koliko podcenjene snage je tu,

in these tottering dancers who exert stupendous effort

u ovim klecavim plesačima koji pokazuju čudesan napor

on tasks most view as insignificant.

obavljajući zadatke koje mnogi cene nevažnim.

Such quiet beauty here, in these,

Koliko je tihe lepote tu, u ovim

my soft-voiced, stiff-limbed people;

mojim ljudima mekog glasa, ukočenih udova;

such resolve masked by each placid face.

svaki mirni lik krije veliku odlučnost.

There is immensity required in growing small,

Smanjivanje zahteva beskonačnost,

so bent on such unbending grace.

zato pokorimo ovu nepokornu milost.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

This one is called "On Donating My Brain to Science."

Ova se zove: "Povodom doniranja mog mozga nauci".

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Not a problem.

Nema problema.

Skip over all the pages reassuring religious people.

Preskočite sve stranice kojima razuveravate vernike.

Already a universal donor: kidneys, corneas, liver, lungs,

Već sam univerzalni donor: bubrezi, rožnjače, jetra, pluća,

tissue, heart, veins, whatever.

tkivo, srce, vene, šta god.

Odd that the modest brain never imagined its unique value in research,

Čudno da skromni mozak nikad nije pomislio na svoj jedinstven značaj u istraživanju,

maybe saving someone else from what it is they're not quite sure I have.

možda spasavanju nekog drugog čega god nisu sigurni da imam.

Flattering, that.

Laska to.

So fill in the forms,

Zato, popunite formulare,

drill through the answers,

pročešljajte odgovore,

trill out a blithe spirit.

istresite radosni duh napolje.

And slice me, dice me, spread me on your slides.

I izrežite me, narežite me, raširite me po slajdovima.

Find what I'm trying to tell you.

Otkrijte šta pokušavam da vam kažem.

Earn me, learn me, scan me, squint through your lens.

Steknite me, saznajte me, skenirajte me, zaškiljite kroz vaše sočivo.

Uncover what I'd hint at if I could.

Razotkrijte šta bih vam nagovestila da mogu.

Be my guest, do your best, harvest me, track the clues.

Izvolite, sve sebi dozvolite, požnjite me, sledite tragove.

This was a good brain while alive.

Ovo dobar mozak beše dok živeše.

This was a brain that paid its dues.

Ovo je mozak koji otplatio je dugove.

So slice me, dice me, smear me on your slides,

Zato izrežite me, narežite me, razmažite po vašim slajdovima,

stain me, explain me, drain me like a cup.

izmažite me, obrazložite me, kao pehar me iskapite.

Share me, hear me:

Razdelite me, razumejte me:

I want to be used I want to be used

želim da me koristite želim da me koristite

I want to be used up.

želim da me iskoristite.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Applause ends)

(Kraj aplauza)

And this one's called "The Ghost Light."

A ova se zove: "Fantomsko svetlo"

Lit from within is the sole secure way

Unutrašnja svetlost je jedini siguran način

to traverse dark matter.

da se premosti tamna materija.

Some life forms -- certain mushrooms, snails, jellyfish, worms --

Neki oblici života - određene pečurke, puževi, meduze, crvi -

glow bioluminescent,

svetle bioluminiscencijom,

and people as well;

ljudi takođe;

we emit infra-red light from our most lucent selves.

mi emitujemo infracrveno svetlo iz našeg najsvetlijeg bića.

Our tragedy is we can't see it.

Naša tragedija je što to ne vidimo.

We see by reflecting.

Mi vidimo kroz odraze.

We need biofluorescence to show our true colors.

Potrebna nam je biofluoroscencija da bi pokazali prave boje.

External illumination can distort, though.

Spoljno osvetljenje može, pak, da izobliči odraz.

When gravity bends light,

Kad gravitacija iskrivi svetlost,

huge galaxy clusters can act as telescopes,

ogromna jata galaksija mogu da posluže kao teleskopi,

elongating background images of star systems to faint arcs --

izdužavajući prizore u pozadini zvezdanih sistema u blede lukove -

a lensing effect

efekat sočiva

like viewing distant street lamps through a glass of wine.

poput posmatranja udaljenih uličnih lampi kroz vinsku čašu.

A glass of wine or two now makes me weave

Zbog čaše vina ili dve sad krivudam

as if acting the drunkard's part;

kao da igram ulogu pijanca;

as if, besotted with unrequited love

kao da me ošamutila neuzvraćena ljubav

for the dynamic Turner canvasses spied out by the Hubble,

prema dinamičnim Tarnerovim platnima, koje špijunira Habl.

I could lurch down a city street set

Mogu se zateturati dole na ulici

without provoking every pedestrian walk-on stare.

da ne izazovem zurenje svakog pešaka u prolazu.

Stare as long as you need to.

Zurite koliko vam volja.

If you think about it, walking, even standing, is illogical --

Ako razmislite o tome, hodanje, čak i stajanje je nelogično -

such tiny things, feet! --

tako malecke stvari, ta stopala! -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

especially when one's body is not al dente anymore.

naročito kad vam telo više nije al dente.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Besides, creature of extremes and excess,

Osim toga, kao biće krajnosti i neumerenosti,

I've always thought Apollo beautiful but boring,

oduvek sam Apolona smatrala lepim, al' dosadnim

and a bit of a dumb blonde.

i pomalo glupavim plavušanom.

Dionysians don't do balance.

Dionizijevci ne znaju za ravnotežu.

Balance, in other words, has never been my strong point.

Ravnoteža, drugim rečima, nikad mi nije bila jača strana.

But I digress.

Ali upadam u digresije.

More and more these days,

Sve više ovih dana,

digression seems the most direct route through

čini se da su digresije najdirektnije trase kroz

from where I've lost or found myself

mesta gde sam izgubila ili našla sebe,

out of place, mind, turn, time.

van prostora, uma, pravca, vremena.

Place your foot just so, mind how you turn:

Položi stopalo tako da paziš kako skrećeš:

too swift a swivel can bring you down.

suviše hitro i obrt će te oboriti.

Take your time ushering the audience out,

Samo polako, isprati gledaoce napolje,

saying goodbye to the actors.

reci zbogom glumcima.

The ghost light

Fantomskim svetlom

is what they call the single bulb

zovu usamljenu sijalicu

hanging above the bare stage in an empty theater.

koja visi nad ogoljenom scenom u ispražnjenom pozorištu.

In the empty theater of such a night,

U ispražnjenom pozorištu u ovakvoj noći,

waking to meet no external radiance,

budiš se i ne nalaziš nikakav spoljašnji sjaj,

this is the final struggle left to win,

ovo je poslednja bitka za pobedu,

this the sole beacon to beckon the darkness in

ovo je poslednji svetionik koji obasjava tminu

and let the rest begin,

i njime sve ostale stvari počinju,

this the lens through which at last to see both Self and Other

sočivo kroz koje konačno vidiš i Sebe i Drugo

arrayed with the bright stain of original sin:

ukrašene bledom mrljom svetlosti greha prvobitnog:

lit from within.

iznutra obasjanog.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

And this is the last one.

A ovo je poslednja.

"This Dark Hour"

"Ovaj čas tmine"

Late summer, 4 A.M.

Leto je pozno, četiri ujutru.

The rain slows to a stop,

Kiša polako prestaje,

dripping still from the broad leaves

još uvek kaplje sa širokog lišća

of blue hostas unseen in the garden's dark.

modrih hosta koje se ne vide u baštenskoj tmini.

Barefoot, careful on the slick slate slabs,

Bosonogo, oprezno po skliskim pločastim škriljcima,

I need no light, I know the way,

nije mi potrebno svetlo, poznajem taj put,

stoop by the mint bed,

poginjem se nad prostirkom od nane,

scoop a fistful of moist earth,

zahvatam pregršt vlažne zemlje,

then grope for a chair,

potom napipavam stolicu,

spread a shawl, and sit,

prostirem šal i sedam,

breathing in the wet green August air.

udišući mokri zeleni avgustovski vazduh.

This is the small, still hour

Ovo je sitan, miran čas

before the newspaper lands in the vestibule like a grenade,

pre nego što novine poput granate slete u predvorje,

the phone shrills, the computer screen blinks and glares awake.

telefon zapišti, ekran kompjutera zatreperi i zablešti budan.

There is this hour:

Ovaj čas je tu:

poem in my head, soil in my hand:

u glavi mi je pesma, u rukama zemlja:

unnamable fullness.

bezimena punoća.

This hour, when blood of my blood

Ovaj čas , u kome krv krvi moje,

bone of bone, child grown to manhood now --

kost kosti moje, dete odraslo je do muževnosti već -

stranger, intimate, not distant but apart --

stranac, prisan, ne dalek, već udaljen -

lies safe, off dreaming melodies

leži bezbedno, sanjajući daleke melodije

while love sleeps, safe, in his arms.

dok mu ljubav spava, bezbedno, u zagrljaju.

To have come to this place,

Stići do ovog mesta,

lived to this moment:

proživeti do ovog trena:

immeasurable lightness.

bezmerne lakoće.

The density of black starts to blur umber.

Gustina tame počinje da magli braonkasto.

Tentative, a cardinal's coloratura,

Privremeni, jarkocrveni kolorit,

then the mourning dove's elegy.

a potom tugaljiva golubija elegija.

Sable glimmers toward grey;

Samurovina bledi ka sivoj;

objects emerge, trailing shadows;

predmeti izranjaju, vukući senke;

night ages toward day.

noć stari ka danu.

The city stirs.

Grad se komeša.

There will be other dawns, nights, gaudy noons.

Biće još zora, noći, bleštavih podneva.

Likely, I'll lose my way.

Verovatno ću zalutati.

There will be stumbling, falling,

Biće posrtanja, padanja,

cursing the dark.

proklinjanja tmine.

Whatever comes,

Šta god da se desi,

there was this hour when nothing mattered,

postojao je ovaj čas u kom ništa nije bilo važno,

all was unbearably dear.

sve je bilo nepodnošljivo drago.

And when I'm done with daylights,

I kad minu moji dani,

should those who loved me grieve too long a while,

neka oni koji me vole ne oplakuju odveć, pak,

let them remember that I had this hour --

neka se sete da imala sam ovaj čas -

this dark, perfect hour --

ovaj mračni, savršeni čas -

and smile.

i neka se nasmeše.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)