4 Powerful Poems about Parkinson's and Growing Older | Robin Morgan | TED Talks

譯者: Ming Gui Tan 審譯者: Bethany Zhang

When I was only three or four,

我三四歲的時候，

I fell in love with poetry,

就已經愛上了詩歌，

with the rhythms and the music of language;

愛上了語言中蘊含著的節奏和旋律；

with the power of metaphor and of imagery,

還有隱喻和意象的力量，

poetry being the essence of communication --

詩歌是語言表達的精髓 --

the discipline, the distillation.

是語言的錘煉與升華。

And all these years later, the poems I'll read today

而經過那麼多年， 我今天要朗誦的詩歌

are from my just-finished seventh book of poetry.

來自於我剛完成的第七本詩集。

Well, five years ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.

五年前，我被診斷為 巴金森症。

Though there's no cure yet,

雖然現在還沒有治愈的方法，

advances in treatment are really impressive.

但治療方法的進步 很令人佩服。

But you can imagine that I was appalled to learn

可是我很詫異的發現

that women are largely left out of research trials,

女性多數被排除於 臨床試驗之外，

despite gender-specific medical findings having demonstrated

即便針對性別差異的醫學研究 證實了

that we are not actually just small men --

我們女人不是縮小版的男人 --

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

who happen to have different reproductive systems.

不僅僅只有生殖器官之差。

Gender-specific medicine is good for men, too.

性別差異醫學對男性也有好處。

But you bring to a crisis the person you already are,

但是人的存在，本身就是一個危機

including the, yes, momentum that you've learned to invoke

包括你通過熱情待人和積極行動

through passionate caring and through action,

所獲得的動力，

both of which require but also create energy.

這兩者都是在付出的同時 為自己帶來力量。

So as an activist, I began working with the Parkinson's Disease Foundation --

所以呢，身為行動主義者 我開始跟巴金森氏症基金會合作 --

that's pdf.org --

簡稱PDF，pdf.org --

to create a major initiative to put women on the Parkinson's disease map.

一起倡導也將女性納入 巴金森氏症的研究對象中。

And as a poet, I began working with this subject matter,

作為詩人， 我也開始研究這個主題，

finding it tragic, hilarious, sometimes even joyful.

有時會覺得可悲、可笑， 但有時又覺得很愉快。

I do not feel diminished by Parkinson's;

我不因為自己患了巴金森氏症而覺得渺小；

I feel distilled by it,

反而覺得自己因此而淨化，

and I actually very much like the woman I'm distilling into.

而且我竟然蠻喜歡 被淨化之後的自己。

"No Signs of Struggle"

『從未掙扎』

Growing small requires enormity of will:

把自己看得渺小需要強大的意志力：

just sitting still in the doctor's waiting room

靜靜地坐在候診室，

watching the future shuffle in and out,

看著未來在眼前飛逝，

watching it stoop; stare at you

看著它彎腰；凝視著你

while you try not to look.

而你 嘗試躲開它的眼神。

Rare is an exchange:

罕見的交流：

a smile of brief, wry recognition.

短暫的笑容，扭曲的臉孔。

You are the new kid on the block.

你初來乍到。

Everyone here was you once.

這裡所有的人 都曾是現在的你。

You are still learning that growing small requires a largeness of spirit

你還在學習如何變得渺小 而這，需要你仍然不足的

you can't fit into yet:

巨大意志：

acceptance of irritating help from those who love you;

接受愛你的人 所伸出的令你難受的援手；

giving way and over, but not up.

我讓步我託付，但我不卻步。

You've swallowed hard the contents of the "Drink Me" bottle,

你硬吞標示著『喝我』 藥罐裡的藥物，

and felt yourself shrink.

隨後感覺自己變得越來越小。

Now, familiar furniture looms,

那一刻， 熟悉的家具變得模糊

floors tilt, and doorknobs yield only when wrestled round with both hands.

地板開始傾斜， 門把要經一番搏鬥才肯屈服。

It demands colossal patience, all this growing small:

變渺小這件事 需要龐大的耐心：

your diminished sleep at night,

你徹夜難眠，

your handwriting, your voice, your height.

你的字跡、聲音、身高。

You are more the incredible shrinking woman

你像那萎縮著的偉大女人

than the Buddhist mystic, serene, making do with less.

遠超越那神秘的僧侶， 那麼的平靜，知足知止。

Less is not always more.

寡未必是眾。

Yet in this emptying space, space glimmers,

但在這空曠的世界中， 空間閃耀著，

becoming visible.

變得清晰。

Here is a place behind the eyes of those accustomed

此處的人 習慣了

by what some would call diminishment.

所謂的退化萎縮。

It is a place of merciless poetry,

這裡是無情詩詞處，

a gift of presence previously ignored,

是沉浸在日常的雜亂之中 曾被漠視的寶貴禮物，

drowned in the daily clutter.

Here every gesture needs intention,

在這裡的 每一個動作皆需動機，

is alive with consciousness.

充滿著意識的活力。

Nothing is automatic.

沒有一樣是自動的。

You can spot it in the provocation of a button,

一按動按鈕

an arm poking at a sleeve,

一望向袖口，就能發現它。

a balancing act at a night-time curb while negotiating the dark.

在跟黑暗談判的同時 平衡的走在路邊石上

Feats of such modest valor,

如此謙遜又英勇的壯舉，

who would suspect them to be exercises in an intimate, fierce discipline,

又有誰會懷疑它們 是私密和嚴謹的進行著，

a metaphysics of being relentlessly aware?

是無情覺知的形上學？

Such understated power here,

如此被輕描的力量，

in these tottering dancers who exert stupendous effort

蘊藏在那些 為生活瑣碎事

on tasks most view as insignificant.

費盡九牛二虎之力 的颤巍舞者。

Such quiet beauty here, in these,

如此無聲的艷麗， 存在其中，

my soft-voiced, stiff-limbed people;

我聲音細小 四肢僵硬的夥伴們；

such resolve masked by each placid face.

如此的堅決 遮蔽於每個淡漠表情之後。

There is immensity required in growing small,

縮小 是那麼的重大

so bent on such unbending grace.

那麼的臣服於不屈的榮耀。

(Applause)

(掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

This one is called "On Donating My Brain to Science."

這首叫做 『關於捐贈腦袋給科學』

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Not a problem.

沒問題。

Skip over all the pages reassuring religious people.

略過安撫宗教人士 的頁面

Already a universal donor: kidneys, corneas, liver, lungs,

我已是個全適捐贈者： 腎臟、角膜、肝臟、肺臟、

tissue, heart, veins, whatever.

組織、心臟、靜脈，隨便你。

Odd that the modest brain never imagined its unique value in research,

奇怪 怎麼謙遜的頭腦 沒想過它在研究裡獨特的價值--

maybe saving someone else from what it is they're not quite sure I have.

從他們不了解的疾病魔掌中 把其他人救出來的可能性。

Flattering, that.

過獎了。

So fill in the forms,

那就填寫表格，

drill through the answers,

回答一項項的問題，

trill out a blithe spirit.

唱出愉悅的心情。

And slice me, dice me, spread me on your slides.

將我割了，切了， 抹在你的玻片上。

Find what I'm trying to tell you.

揪出我心深處的苦衷。

Earn me, learn me, scan me, squint through your lens.

將我讀取，學習，掃描， 細心的看透鏡片。

Uncover what I'd hint at if I could.

將我一直想要 提示的答案找出。

Be my guest, do your best, harvest me, track the clues.

別客氣，再接再厲， 將我收割，追踪蛛絲馬跡。

This was a good brain while alive.

這是在生時 的好腦袋。

This was a brain that paid its dues.

這是仁至義盡的腦袋。

So slice me, dice me, smear me on your slides,

將我割了，切了， 抹在你的玻片上。

stain me, explain me, drain me like a cup.

將我染色，闡釋， 像杯子一樣倒乾淨

Share me, hear me:

將我分享，傾聽：

I want to be used I want to be used

我想要被利用 我想要被利用

I want to be used up.

我想要被 完全的利用。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

(Applause ends)

（掌聲結束）

And this one's called "The Ghost Light."

還有這首，叫做『靈光』

Lit from within is the sole secure way

內在的光芒 是唯一穩當

to traverse dark matter.

穿越暗質的管道

Some life forms -- certain mushrooms, snails, jellyfish, worms --

有些生物 - 如蕈類、 蝸牛、水母、蠕蟲

glow bioluminescent,

有生物熒光，

and people as well;

人類亦如此；

we emit infra-red light from our most lucent selves.

我們自內在的光明 散發著紅外線。

Our tragedy is we can't see it.

可悲的是 我們看不見。

We see by reflecting.

我們依靠反射來看見。

We need biofluorescence to show our true colors.

我們需要生物熒光 來揭露真面目。

External illumination can distort, though.

然而 外在的光可以扭曲。

When gravity bends light,

當引力彎曲光線，

huge galaxy clusters can act as telescopes,

巨大的星體 可以充當望遠鏡，

elongating background images of star systems to faint arcs --

將星系的背景源 延長成淡淡的弧線--

a lensing effect

透鏡效應

like viewing distant street lamps through a glass of wine.

就像透過酒杯 看著遠方的路燈。

A glass of wine or two now makes me weave

一兩杯酒如今 足以讓我暈眩

as if acting the drunkard's part;

好比 醉漢一樣；

as if, besotted with unrequited love

好比 陶醉在一廂情願的

for the dynamic Turner canvasses spied out by the Hubble,

對哈伯望遠鏡窺視 的透納畫布有所期望，

I could lurch down a city street set

我能夠蹣跚於 城市中的街道

without provoking every pedestrian walk-on stare.

而不招惹 路人經過時的注視。

Stare as long as you need to.

你儘管注視吧。

If you think about it, walking, even standing, is illogical --

想想看，行走， 甚至站立，都不合邏輯 --

such tiny things, feet! --

多麼渺小的東西啊，雙腳！--

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

especially when one's body is not al dente anymore.

尤其身體已經不是 剛剛好（義式彈牙）的時候。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Besides, creature of extremes and excess,

再者， 極端和過量的生物，

I've always thought Apollo beautiful but boring,

我一直都認為 阿波羅美麗但無趣，

and a bit of a dumb blonde.

有點像傻大姐。

Dionysians don't do balance.

帝奧尼索斯主義者（喝酒的） 從不平衡。

Balance, in other words, has never been my strong point.

平衡， 其實也從來不是我所強調的。

But I digress.

但我離題了。

More and more these days,

如今

digression seems the most direct route through

離題似乎越來越是 通往

from where I've lost or found myself

我迷思自我處或 發現自己已經

out of place, mind, turn, time.

面目全非 最直接的路徑。

Place your foot just so, mind how you turn:

小心的走每一步， 轉身時注意：

too swift a swivel can bring you down.

轉得太迅速會 讓你失足。

Take your time ushering the audience out,

你可以慢慢的 催促觀眾離場，

saying goodbye to the actors.

跟演員道別。

The ghost light

靈光

is what they call the single bulb

是那盞燈泡

hanging above the bare stage in an empty theater.

高掛在那空曠的劇院裡 無人的舞台上。

In the empty theater of such a night,

在這夜裡 寂靜的劇院中，

waking to meet no external radiance,

醒來卻看不見外在的光芒，

this is the final struggle left to win,

這是終極的掙扎的機會，

this the sole beacon to beckon the darkness in

這是召喚黑暗 唯一的燈塔

and let the rest begin,

讓剩下的一切開始，

this the lens through which at last to see both Self and Other

這是讓我終於能夠看穿自我和他人 的玻片

arrayed with the bright stain of original sin:

陣列著 染有明亮的原罪：

lit from within.

來自內在的明亮。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And this is the last one.

這是最後一首。

"This Dark Hour"

『這黑暗的時刻』

Late summer, 4 A.M.

夏末，半夜四點。

The rain slows to a stop,

慢慢的 雨停了，

dripping still from the broad leaves

在黑暗的花園

of blue hostas unseen in the garden's dark.

從那寬闊的玉簪 滴著。

Barefoot, careful on the slick slate slabs,

赤著腳， 小心那光滑的石板，

I need no light, I know the way,

我不需要光源， 我知道路，

stoop by the mint bed,

薄荷團上 彎著身子

scoop a fistful of moist earth,

抓一把濕潤的泥土，

then grope for a chair,

摸索 找著椅子

spread a shawl, and sit,

攤開圍巾 坐下，

breathing in the wet green August air.

呼吸八月份濕潤綠意的空氣。

This is the small, still hour

這短暫 寂靜的時刻，

before the newspaper lands in the vestibule like a grenade,

在報紙像炸彈一樣 落在前庭之前，

the phone shrills, the computer screen blinks and glares awake.

在刺耳的鈴聲之前，在電腦螢幕 閃爍開啟之前。

There is this hour:

這時刻：

poem in my head, soil in my hand:

我腦海中的詩，手中的泥：

unnamable fullness.

莫名的滿足。

This hour, when blood of my blood

這時刻，我的血

bone of bone, child grown to manhood now --

我的骨頭， 如今長大成人的小孩--

stranger, intimate, not distant but apart --

陌生，親暱 靠近但分離--

lies safe, off dreaming melodies

安穩的躺著， 夢鄉的旋律響起

while love sleeps, safe, in his arms.

愛安穩的睡在他的懷中。

To have come to this place,

能夠來到此地，

lived to this moment:

活至當下：

immeasurable lightness.

無量的輕快。

The density of black starts to blur umber.

深深的黑色 開始變成模糊的棕色。

Tentative, a cardinal's coloratura,

短暫的 是那紅雀的花腔，

then the mourning dove's elegy.

和那居喪白鴿的悲歌；

Sable glimmers toward grey;

暗色微微發光的轉灰；

objects emerge, trailing shadows;

物體浮現， 影子尾隨著；

night ages toward day.

夜晚趨向白天。

The city stirs.

城市熱鬧起來。

There will be other dawns, nights, gaudy noons.

會有另外的黎明， 夜晚和華麗的中午。

Likely, I'll lose my way.

同樣的， 我還是會迷路。

There will be stumbling, falling,

會有蹣跚， 跌倒，

cursing the dark.

以及咒罵黑夜。

Whatever comes,

無論如何，

there was this hour when nothing mattered,

會有這時刻 什麼都無所謂，

all was unbearably dear.

全都是至愛。

And when I'm done with daylights,

當我告別了日光，

should those who loved me grieve too long a while,

讓那些曾經愛我的 哀傷過久的

let them remember that I had this hour --

讓他們記得我曾擁有這時刻--

this dark, perfect hour --

這黑暗，完美的時刻--

and smile.

而面露微笑。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）