A tale of mental illness | Elyn Saks

1,247,934 views ใƒป 2012-07-02

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์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

00:00
Translator: Morton Bast Reviewer: Thu-Huong Ha
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๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Inho Yoon ๊ฒ€ํ† : HeeJee Yun
00:16
So I'm a woman with chronic schizophrenia.
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์ €๋Š” ๋งŒ์„ฑ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์„ ๊ฐ€์ง„ ์—ฌ์„ฑ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
00:18
I've spent hundreds of days
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์ˆ˜๋งŽ์€ ๋‚ ๋“ค์„ ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘๋™์—์„œ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ์ฃ 
00:19
in psychiatric hospitals.
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์ˆ˜๋งŽ์€ ๋‚ ๋“ค์„ ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘๋™์—์„œ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ์ฃ 
00:21
I might have ended up spending
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ œ ์ผ์ƒ์˜ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ๋ณ‘์›์˜ ํ•œ์ผ ์—์„œ ๋ณด๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:23
most of my life on the back ward of a hospital,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ œ ์ผ์ƒ์˜ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ๋ณ‘์›์˜ ํ•œ์ผ ์—์„œ ๋ณด๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:24
but that isn't how my life turned out.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ œ ์ธ์ƒ์€ ๋‹ค๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์ฃ .
00:27
In fact, I've managed to stay clear of hospitals
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์ง€๋‚œ 30์—ฌ๋…„๊ฐ„ ๋ณ‘์›์‹ ์„ธ๋ฅผ ์ง€์ง€์•Š๊ณ 
00:30
for almost three decades,
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์‚ด์•„์˜ฌ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:32
perhaps my proudest accomplishment.
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์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ž๋ž‘์Šค๋Ÿฌ์›Œํ•  ์ผ์ผ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:34
That's not to say that I've remained clear
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๊ทธ๋ ‡๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ณผ๊ฒŒ์— ๊ฒช์—ˆ๋˜ ๋ชจ๋“  ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์  ๋ฌธ์ œ๋“ค์„
00:36
of all psychiatric struggles.
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์„ ๋ช…ํžˆ ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:37
After I graduated from the Yale Law School and
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์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€๋ฅผ ์กธ์—…ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ฒซ ์ง์žฅ์„ ๊ตฌํ•˜๊ณ  ๋‚˜์ž
00:40
got my first law job, my New Haven analyst, Dr. White,
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๋‰ดํ—ค๋ธ์— ๊ณ„์‹  ์ œ ๋‹ด๋‹น ๋ถ„์„๊ฐ€์ด์‹  ํ™”์ดํŠธ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๊ป˜์„œ
00:43
announced to me that he was going to close his practice
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์„๋‹ฌํ›„์— ์˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๊ทธ๋งŒ ์ค‘๋‹จํ•˜์‹ค๊บผ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ œ๊ฒŒ ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:45
in three months, several years
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๊ทธ๊ฑด ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋‰ดํ•ด๋ธ์„ ๋– ๋‚˜๋Š”๊ฑธ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๊ธฐ ํ›จ์”ฌ ์ „์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
00:47
before I had planned to leave New Haven.
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๊ทธ๊ฑด ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋‰ดํ•ด๋ธ์„ ๋– ๋‚˜๋Š”๊ฑธ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๊ธฐ ํ›จ์”ฌ ์ „์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
00:49
White had been enormously helpful to me,
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ํ™”์ดํŠธ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋‹˜์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์€ ๋„์›€์„ ์ฃผ์…จ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:52
and the thought of his leaving
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๊ธฐ์— ๊ทธ๋ถ„์˜ ๋„์›€์—์„œ ๋ฒ—์–ด๋‚œ๋‹ค๋Š” ์ƒ๊ฐ์€
00:53
shattered me.
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์ €๋ฅผ ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋ฌด๋„ˆ์ง€๊ฒŒํ–ˆ์ฃ .
00:55
My best friend Steve,
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์ €์˜ ์ ˆ์นœ์ธ ์Šคํ‹ฐ๋ธŒ๋Š”
00:56
sensing that something was terribly wrong,
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๋ญ”๊ฐ€ ํฌ๊ฒŒ ์ž˜๋ชป๋˜์—ˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋Š๋ผ๊ณ ๋Š”
00:58
flew out to New Haven to be with me.
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๋‰ดํ—ค๋ธ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ๋‚ ๋ผ์™€ ์ฃผ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:00
Now I'm going to quote from some of my writings:
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋‚ ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ผ๋˜ ๊ธ€๋“ค์„ ์ข€ ์ฝ์–ด๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:02
"I opened the door to my studio apartment.
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ๋‚ด ์›๋ฃธ ์•„ํŒŒํŠธ ๋ฌธ์„ ์—ด์—ˆ๋‹ค."
01:04
Steve would later tell me that,
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์Šคํ‹ฐ๋ธŒ๊ฐ€ ๋‚˜์ค‘์— ๋‚ด๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•ด์ฃผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ
01:06
for all the times he had seen me psychotic, nothing
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๊ทธ๊ฐ€ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์„ ๊ฒช๊ณ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ๋งŽ์ด ๋ณด์•„์™”์ง€๋งŒ
01:09
could have prepared him for what he saw that day.
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๊ทธ๋‚ ์€ ๊ทธ์—๊ฒŒ ์กฐ์ฐจ ์ถฉ๊ฒฉ์ ์ด์—ˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
01:11
For a week or more, I had barely eaten.
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"์ผ์ฃผ์ผ๋„ ๋„˜๊ฒŒ ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋จน์€๊ฒŒ ๊ฑฐ์˜ ์—†์–ด์„œ"
01:14
I was gaunt. I walked
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ๋ฌด์ฒ™ ์ˆ˜์ฒ™ํ–ˆ๊ณ ,
01:16
as though my legs were wooden.
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๋งˆ์น˜ ๋งˆ๋ฅธ์žฅ์ž‘์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๊ฑธ์–ด๋‹ค๋…”๋‹ค.
01:18
My face looked and felt like a mask.
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๋‚ด ์–ผ๊ตด์€ ๋งˆ์น˜ ๊ฐ€๋ฉด์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์˜€๊ณ  ๋˜ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์กŒ๋‹ค.
01:21
I had closed all the curtains in the apartment, so
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๋‚˜๋Š” ์•„ํŒŒํŠธ์˜ ๋ชจ๋“  ์ปคํŠผ์„ ๋‹ซ์•˜๋‹ค
01:24
in the middle of the day
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ํ•œ๋‚ฎ์—๋„ ์•„ํŒŒํŠธ ์•ˆ์€
01:25
the apartment was in near total darkness.
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์™„๋ฒฝํ•œ ์–ด๋‘์›€์˜ ๊ณต๊ฐ„์ด์—ˆ๋‹ค.
01:27
The air was fetid, the room a shambles.
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์•„ํŒŒํŠธ์•ˆ์€ ์•…์ทจ๋กœ ์ง„๋™ํ–ˆ๊ณ , ๋‚œ์žฅํŒ์ด์—ˆ๋‹ค."
01:30
Steve, both a lawyer and a psychologist, has treated
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๋ณ€ํ˜ธ์‚ฌ์ด์ž ์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™์ž์ธ ์Šคํ‹ฐ๋ธŒ๋Š”
01:33
many patients with severe mental illness, and to this day
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์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•œ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜ ํ™˜์ž๋“ค์„ ๋งŽ์ด ์น˜๋ฃŒํ•ด์™”๊ณ 
01:36
he'll say I was as bad as any he had ever seen.
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์˜ค๋Š˜๋‚  ๊นŒ์ง€๋„ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๊ฐ€๋ณธ ์ค‘ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์‹ฌํ–ˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:39
'Hi,' I said, and then I returned to the couch,
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"'์•ˆ๋…•'์ด๋ผ ๋งํ•˜๊ณ  ๋‚œ ์†ŒํŒŒ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„์™”๋‹ค.
01:42
where I sat in silence for several moments.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์— ์˜ค๋žฌ๋™์•ˆ ์กฐ์šฉํžˆ ์•‰์•„์žˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค.
01:44
'Thank you for coming, Steve.
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'์™€์ค˜์„œ ๊ณ ๋งˆ์›Œ, ์Šคํ‹ฐ๋ธŒ
01:46
Crumbling world, word, voice.
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๋ฌด๋„ˆ์ ธ๊ฐ€๋Š” ์„ธ์ƒ, ๋ง, ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ.
01:50
Tell the clocks to stop.
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์‹œ๊ฐ„์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฉˆ์ถฐ๋‹ฌ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•ด์ค˜.
01:52
Time is. Time has come.'
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์ด์ œ ๋•Œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ ๋•Œ๊ฐ€ ์˜จ๊ฑฐ์•ผ.'"
01:54
'White is leaving,' Steve said somberly.
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'ํ™”์ดํŠธ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋‹˜์ด ๋– ๋‚˜์‹ ๋‹ค๋ฉด์„œ.' ์Šคํ‹ฐ๋ธŒ๋Š” ๋‹ด๋‹ดํžˆ ๋งํ–ˆ๋‹ค.
01:57
'I'm being pushed into a grave. The situation is grave,' I moan.
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'๋‚œ ๋ฌด๋ค์œผ๋กœ ๋˜์ ธ์ง„๊ฑฐ์•ผ. ์ด ์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ๋ฌด๋ค์ด์ง€.' ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋‚œ ํƒ„์‹ํ–ˆ๋‹ค.
02:00
'Gravity is pulling me down.
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'์‚ถ์˜ ๋ฌด๊ฒŒ๊ฐ€ ๋‚  ์ง–๋ˆ„๋ฅด๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด.
02:02
I'm scared. Tell them to get away.'"
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๋‚œ ๋ฌด์„œ์›Œ. ์ด์ œ ๊ณ ํ†ต์„ ์‚ฌ๋ผ์ง€๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค˜.'"
02:04
As a young woman, I was in a psychiatric hospital
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์ Š์€ ์—ฌ์„ฑ์œผ๋กœ์„œ, ์ €๋Š” ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘๋™์—
02:08
on three different occasions for lengthy periods.
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์„ธ์ฐจ๋ ˆ๋‚˜ ๊ธธ๊ฒŒ ๋จธ๋ฌผ๋ €์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:10
My doctors diagnosed me with chronic schizophrenia,
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์ œ ๋‹ด๋‹น ์˜์‚ฌ๋“ค์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋งŒ์„ฑ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์œผ๋กœ ์ง„๋‹จํ–ˆ๊ณ 
02:13
and gave me a prognosis of "grave."
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ํšŒ๋ณตํ•  ๊ฐ€๋ง์„ฑ์ด "์ ˆ๋ง์ "์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ํŒ๋‹จํ–ˆ์ฃ .
02:16
That is, at best, I was expected to live in a board and care,
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๊ทธ๋ง์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ผ์ข…์˜ ๊ด€๋ฆฌ์‹œ์„ค์— ์‚ด๋ฉด์„œ
02:19
and work at menial jobs.
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๋‹จ์ˆœ ๋…ธ๋™์ด๋‚˜ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„๊ฑฐ๋ผ๋Š” ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ์—ˆ์ฃ .
02:21
Fortunately, I did not actually
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๋‹คํ–‰์ด๋„ ์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ ˆ๋ง์ ์ธ ์˜ˆ์ธก๋Œ€๋กœ
02:23
enact that grave prognosis.
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์‚ด์ง€๋Š” ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:24
Instead, I'm a chaired Professor of Law, Psychology
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๊ทธ๋Œ€์‹ , ์ €๋Š” ์ง€๊ธˆ USC ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ๊ต์ˆ˜์ด๋ฉฐ
02:27
and Psychiatry at the USC Gould School of Law,
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์‹ฌ๋ฆฌํ•™๊ณผ์™€ ์ •์‹ ๊ณผํ•™๊ณผ ๊ต์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๊ฒธ์ž„ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:30
I have many close friends
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์ €๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๊ฐ€๊นŒ์šด ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค์ด ๋งŽ์ด ์žˆ๊ณ ,
02:32
and I have a beloved husband, Will, who's here with us today.
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์˜ค๋Š˜ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์—์˜จ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋‚จํŽธ ์œŒ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:35
(Applause) Thank you.
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜) ๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:41
He's definitely the star of my show.
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์ œ ๋‚จํŽธ์€ ๋ถ„๋ช…ํžˆ ์ œ ์‚ถ์˜ ์Šคํƒ€์ด์ฃ .
02:45
I'd like to share with you how that happened, and also
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์ €๋Š” ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ป˜ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์ด๋Ÿฐ์ผ๋“ค์ด ์ œ๊ฒŒ ์ผ์–ด๋‚ฌ๊ณ 
02:47
describe my experience of being psychotic.
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋กœ์„œ์˜ ์ œ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ๋งํ•ด๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:50
I hasten to add that it's my experience,
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์ด๋ชจ๋“ ๊ฒŒ ์ œ ๊ฐœ์ธ์  ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด๋ผ๋Š”๊ฑธ ๋‹ค์‹œ ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:53
because everyone becomes psychotic in his or her own way.
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์™œ๋ƒ๋ฉด ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋“ค์€ ๋ชจ๋‘ ๋…ํŠนํ•œ ๊ฒฝ๋กœ๋ฅผ ๊ฒช๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ .
02:55
Let's start with the definition of schizophrenia.
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๋จผ์ € ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์ด ๋ฌด์—ˆ์ธ์ง€๋ฅผ ์ •์˜ํ•ด๋ณด์ฃ .
02:58
Schizophrenia is a brain disease.
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์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์€ ๋‡Œ์งˆํ™˜์œผ๋กœ
03:01
Its defining feature is psychosis, or being
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์‚ฌ์ด์ฝ”์‹œ์Šค(์ •์‹ ์ด์ƒ)์œผ๋กœ ์ •์˜๋˜๋ฉฐ ํ˜„์‹ค๊ณผ์˜ ๊ดด๋ฆฌ๊ฐ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:03
out of touch with reality.
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์‚ฌ์ด์ฝ”์‹œ์Šค(์ •์‹ ์ด์ƒ)์œผ๋กœ ์ •์˜๋˜๋ฉฐ ํ˜„์‹ค๊ณผ์˜ ๊ดด๋ฆฌ๊ฐ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:05
Delusions and hallucinations
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๋ง์ƒ๊ณผ ํ™˜๊ฐ์€ ์ด ์งˆํ™˜์˜ ๋Œ€ํ‘œ์ ์ธ ์ฆ์„ธ์ด์ฃ .
03:06
are hallmarks of the illness.
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๋ง์ƒ๊ณผ ํ™˜๊ฐ์€ ์ด ์งˆํ™˜์˜ ๋Œ€ํ‘œ์ ์€ ์ฆ์„ธ์ด์ฃ .
03:08
Delusions are fixed and false beliefs that aren't responsive
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๋ง์ƒ์€ ์ง‘์ฐฉ๊ณผ ์‚ฌ์‹ค์— ํ”๋“ค๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ง“๋œ ๋ฏฟ์Œ์ด๋ฉฐ
03:11
to evidence, and hallucinations are false sensory experiences.
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ํ™˜๊ฐ์€ ์‹ค์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹Œ ๊ฐ๊ฐ์  ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:15
For example, when I'm psychotic I often have
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ๋“ค๋ฉด, ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ •์‹ ์ด์ƒ ์ƒํ™ฉ์ผ๋•Œ๋Š”
03:17
the delusion that I've killed hundreds of thousands
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์ €๋Š” ์ข…์ข… ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ˆ˜ ๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋งŒ์œผ๋กœ ์ฃฝ์˜€๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ง์ƒ์„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:19
of people with my thoughts.
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์ €๋Š” ์ข…์ข… ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ˆ˜ ๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋งŒ์œผ๋กœ ์ฃฝ์˜€๋‹ค๋Š” ๋ง์ƒ์„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:21
I sometimes have the idea that
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์–ด๋–จ๋•Œ๋Š” ์ œ ๋‡Œ์—์„œ ํ•ตํญ๋ฐœ์ด ๊ณง ์ผ์–ด๋‚ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์ฃ .
03:22
nuclear explosions are about to be set off in my brain.
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์–ด๋–จ๋•Œ๋Š” ์ œ ๋‡Œ์—์„œ ํ•ตํญ๋ฐœ์ด ๊ณง ์ผ์–ด๋‚ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์ฃ .
03:25
Occasionally, I have hallucinations,
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๊ฐ€๋”์€, ํ™˜๊ฐ์„ ํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:27
like one time I turned around and saw a man
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ํ•œ๋ฒˆ์€ ๋Œ์•„์„œ์ž๋งˆ์ž ์นผ์„ ๋“ค์ด๋Œ€๋Š” ๋‚จ์ž์˜ ํ™˜๊ฐ์„ ๋ณด์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:29
with a raised knife.
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ํ•œ๋ฒˆ์€ ๋Œ์•„์„œ์ž๋งˆ์ž ์นผ์„ ๋“ค๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๋‚จ์ž๋ฅผ ํ™˜๊ฐ์„ ๋ณด์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:31
Imagine having a nightmare while you're awake.
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๊นจ์–ด์žˆ์œผ๋ฉด์„œ ์•…๋ชฝ์„ ๊พผ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ์ƒ์„ ํ•ด๋ณด์„ธ์š”.
03:33
Often, speech and thinking become disorganized
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์ข…์ข…, ๋งํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋Š”๊ฒŒ ๋’ค์ฃฝ๋ฐ•์ฃฝ์ด ๋˜๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ด์„œ
03:37
to the point of incoherence.
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๋ฌด์Šจ๋ง์„ ํ•˜๋Š”์ง€ ์•Œ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ์ƒํ™ฉ๊นŒ์ง€ ๊ฐ€๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:38
Loose associations involves putting together words
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ์—๋Š” ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๋‚ด์šฉ์ด ๊ทธ๋Ÿด๋“ฏํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
03:41
that may sound a lot alike but don't make sense,
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ๋ง์ด ๋˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:44
and if the words get jumbled up enough, it's called "word salad."
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋ง๋“ค์ด ๋งŽ์ด ์„ž์ด๋ฉด, ์ด๋ฅผ "๋‹จ์–ด ์ƒ๋Ÿฌ๋“œ"๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋ฆ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:46
Contrary to what many people think, schizophrenia is not
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๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ๋Š” ๋‹ฌ๋ฆฌ, ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์€
03:51
the same as multiple personality disorder or split personality.
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๋‹ค์ค‘ ์ธ๊ฒฉ์žฅ์• ๋‚˜ ์ด์ค‘ ์ธ๊ฒฉ๊ณผ๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฆ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:54
The schizophrenic mind is not split, but shattered.
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์ •์‹  ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์€ ๋งˆ์Œ์ด ๋ถ„๋ฆฌ๋œ๊ฒƒ์ด์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ๋ถ€์„œ์ ธ๋ฒ„๋ฆฐ ์ƒํƒœ์ฃ .
03:58
Everyone has seen a street person,
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๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋‚˜ ๋…ธ์ˆ™์ž๋ฅผ ๋ณธ์ ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:00
unkempt, probably ill-fed,
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์ง€์ €๋ถ„ํ•˜๊ณ , ์ž˜ ๋จน์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ชปํ–ˆ์œผ๋ฉฐ
04:02
standing outside of an office building muttering
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์‚ฌ๋ฌด์‹ค ๊ฑด๋ฌผ ๋ฐ–์— ์„œ์„œ
04:05
to himself or shouting.
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ํ˜ผ์žฃ๋ง์„ ํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์น˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์ฃ .
04:07
This person is likely to have some form of schizophrenia.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ผ์ข…์˜ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:09
But schizophrenia presents itself across a wide array
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์€ ์•„์ฃผ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๊ณ„์ธต์˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚˜๊ณ 
04:12
of socioeconomic status, and there are people
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์€ ์•„์ฃผ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๊ณ„์ธต์˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚˜๊ณ 
04:14
with the illness who are full-time professionals
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๊ทธ์ค‘์—๋Š” ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์ผ์„ํ•˜๋Š” ์ „๋ฌธ์ง ์ข…์‚ฌ์ž๋“ค๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:17
with major responsibilities.
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๊ทธ์ค‘์—๋Š” ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์ผ์„ํ•˜๋Š” ์ „๋ฌธ์ง ์ข…์‚ฌ์ž๋“ค๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:19
Several years ago, I decided
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌํ•ด ์ „์—, ์ €๋Š” ์ œ๊ฒฝํ—˜๊ณผ ์ œ ๊ฐœ์ธ์˜ ์—ญ์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋กํ•˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ๊ฒฐ์ • ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:20
to write down my experiences and my personal journey,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌํ•ด ์ „์—, ์ €๋Š” ์ œ๊ฒฝํ—˜๊ณผ ์ œ ๊ฐœ์ธ์˜ ์—ญ์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ๋กํ•˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ๊ฒฐ์ • ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:24
and I want to share some more of that story with you today
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์˜ค๋Š˜ ๊ทธ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์ง์ ‘ ๊ฒช์€ ์ž…์žฅ์—์„œ
04:26
to convey the inside view.
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ณผ ์กฐ๊ธˆ๋” ๋‚˜๋ˆ„๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:28
So the following episode happened the seventh week
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์ด์ œ ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆด ์—ํ”ผ์†Œ๋“œ๋Š”
04:31
of my first semester of my first year at Yale Law School.
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์ œ ์˜ˆ์ผ๋Œ€ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์ฒซํ•™๊ธฐ 7์ฃผ์ฐจ์— ์ผ์–ด๋‚œ ์ผ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:33
Quoting from my writings:
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ผ๋˜ ๊ธ€์„ ์ฝ๋„๋ก ํ•˜์ฃ :
04:36
"My two classmates, Rebel and Val, and I had made the date
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"์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๊ฐ™์ด๋“ฃ๋Š” ๋ ˆ๋ฒจ(Revbel)๊ณผ ๋ฐœ(Val) ๊ณผ ํ•จ๊ป˜
04:39
to meet in the law school library on Friday night
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๊ธˆ์š”์ผ ์ €๋… ๋กœ์Šค์ฟจ ๋„์„œ๊ด€์—์„œ ๋งŒ๋‚˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
04:42
to work on our memo assignment together.
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"์ œ์ถœํ•  ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋ฅผ ๊ฐ™์ด ์ค€๋น„ํ•˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ"
04:44
But we didn't get far before I was talking in ways
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"๋‘์„œ์—†๋Š” ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋Š๋ผ ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋Š” ๋ณ„๋กœ ์„ฑ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ๋‹ค."
04:46
that made no sense.
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"๋‘์„œ์—†๋Š” ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋Š๋ผ ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋Š” ๋ณ„๋กœ ์„ฑ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ๋‹ค."
04:48
'Memos are visitations,' I informed them.
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"'๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋“ค์€ ๋ฐฉ๋ฌธ๊ถŒ์ด์•ผ', ๋ผ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•ด์ฃผ์—ˆ๋‹ค."
04:51
'They make certain points. The point is on your head.
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"'๊ทธ๊ฑด ์š”์ ์„ ๋„์ง‘์–ด๋‚ด๊ณ  ๊ทธ ์š”์ ์€ ๋„ค ๋จธ๋ฆฌ์†์— ์žˆ์ง€'"
04:53
Pat used to say that. Have you killed you anyone?'
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"'ํŒป์ด ๋งํ•˜๊ณค ํ–ˆ์ž–์•„. ๋„ˆ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ ์ฃฝ์ธ์  ์žˆ์–ด?'"
04:56
Rebel and Val looked at me
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"๋ž˜๋ฒจ๊ณผ ๋ฐœ์€ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ์ฒ˜๋‹ค๋ณด์•˜๋‹ค."
04:58
as if they or I had been
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"๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์–ผ๊ตด์€ ๋งˆ์น˜ ๋ฐฑ์ง€์žฅ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์•˜๋‹ค."
04:59
splashed in the face with cold water.
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"๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์–ผ๊ตด์€ ๋งˆ์น˜ ๋ฐฑ์ง€์žฅ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์•˜๋‹ค."
05:01
'What are you talking about, Elyn?'
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"'๋ฌด์Šจ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑฐ์•ผ, ์—๋ฆฐ?'"
05:03
'Oh, you know, the usual. Who's what, what's who,
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"'์–ด, ์žˆ์ž–์•„, ๋Š˜์ƒํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑฐ. ๋ˆ„๊ฐ€ ์ด๋ ‡๊ณ  ์ €๋ ‡๊ณ ..'"
05:06
heaven and hell. Let's go out on the roof.
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"'์ฒœ๋‹น๊ณผ ์ง€์˜ฅ. ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์˜ฅ์ƒ์— ์˜ฌ๋ผ๊ฐ€์ž.'"
05:08
It's a flat surface. It's safe.'
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"'๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ํ‰ํ‰ํ•ด์„œ ์•ˆ์ „ํ•ด.'"
05:09
Rebel and Val followed
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"๋ ˆ๋ฒจ๊ณผ ๋ฐœ์€ ๋”ฐ๋ผ์˜ค๋ฉฐ ๋ฌผ์—ˆ๋‹ค."
05:11
and they asked what had gotten into me.
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"๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๊ฐ‘์ž๊ธฐ ์™œ ์ด๋Ÿฌ๋Š”์ง€."
05:12
'This is the real me,' I announced,
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"๋‘ํŒ”์„ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ์œ„๋กœ ํ”๋“ค๋ฉด์„œ, '๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์›๋ž˜ ์ด๋ž˜."๋ผ๊ณ  ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
05:14
waving my arms above my head.
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"๋‘ํŒ”์„ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ์œ„๋กœ ํ”๋“ค๋ฉด์„œ, '๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์›๋ž˜ ์ด๋ž˜."๋ผ๊ณ  ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
05:16
And then, late on a Friday night, on the roof
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"๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ๋Š”, ๊ทธ ๊ธˆ์š”์ผ ๋ฐค ๋Šฆ์€์‹œ๊ฐ„์—,"
05:19
of the Yale Law School,
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"์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์˜ฅ์ƒ์—์„œ, ๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ณ ์„ฑ๋ฐฉ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
05:20
I began to sing, and not quietly either.
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"์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์˜ฅ์ƒ์—์„œ, ๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ณ ์„ฑ๋ฐฉ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
05:22
'Come to the Florida sunshine bush.
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"'ํ”Œ๋กœ๋ฆฌ๋‹ค ํ–‡์‚ด ๊ฐ€๋“ํ•œ ๋ค๋ถˆ๋กœ ์˜ค์„ธ์š”~'"
05:25
Do you want to dance?'
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"'์ถค์„ ์ถ”๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ˆ?~'"
05:26
'Are you on drugs?' one asked. 'Are you high?'
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"'๋„ˆ ๋งˆ์•ฝํ–ˆ๋‹ˆ?' ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€ ๋ฌผ์—ˆ๋‹ค. '๋„ˆ ํ™˜๊ฐ์ค‘์ด๋‹ˆ?'"
05:29
'High? Me? No way, no drugs.
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"'ํ™˜๊ฐ? ๋‚ด๊ฐ€? ์•„๋‹ˆ์•ผ, ๋งˆ์•ฝ์ด์•„๋‹ˆ์•ผ.'"
05:31
Come to the Florida sunshine bush,
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"'ํ”Œ๋กœ๋ฆฌ๋‹ค ํ–‡์‚ด ๊ฐ€๋“ํ•œ ๋ค๋ถˆ๋กœ ์˜ค์„ธ์š”~'"
05:34
where there are lemons, where they make demons.'
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"'๊ฑฐ๊ธด ๋ ˆ๋ชฌ์ด ์žˆ๊ณ  ๋ฐ๋ชฌ(์•…๋งˆ)๋ฅผ ๋งŒ๋“ ๋‹ต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.'"
05:37
'You're frightening me,' one of them said, and Rebel and Val
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"'๋„ˆ ์ด๋Ÿฌ๋Š”๊ฑฐ ๋ฌด์„œ์›Œ', ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๋ ˆ๋ฒจ๊ณผ ๋ฐœ์€"
05:40
headed back into the library.
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"๋„์„œ๊ด€์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ€๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
05:42
I shrugged and followed them.
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ์–ด๊นจ๋ฅผ ์œผ์“ฑํ•˜๊ณ ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์„ ๋”ฐ๋ผ๊ฐ”๋‹ค."
05:44
Back inside, I asked my classmates if they were
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"๋„์„œ๊ด€์—์„œ, ๋‚˜๋Š” ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฌผ์–ด๋ณด์•˜๋‹ค.
05:47
having the same experience of words jumping around
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"๊ทธ๋“ค๋„ ๋‹จ์–ด๋“ค์ด ๋งˆ๊ตฌ ํŠ€์–ด๋‚˜์˜ค๋Š” ๋‚˜์™€ ๋น„์Šทํ•œ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ํ•œ์  ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€"
05:49
our cases as I was.
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"๊ทธ๋“ค๋„ ๋‹จ์–ด๋“ค์ด ๋งˆ๊ตฌ ํŠ€์–ด๋‚˜์˜ค๋Š” ๋‚˜์™€ ๋น„์Šทํ•œ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ํ•œ์  ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€"
05:51
'I think someone's infiltrated my copies of the cases,' I said.
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"'๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๋‚ด ๋ฒ•๋ฅ  ์‚ฌ๊ฑด ๋ณต์‚ฌ๋ณธ์— ์†์„ ๋Œ„๊ฑฐ ๊ฐ™์•„.'"
05:55
'We've got to case the joint.
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"'์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ทธ ํ•ฉ์ž‘(joint) ์œผ๋กœ ์ด๊ฑด์„ ์ •๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ํ•ด์•ผํ•ด'"
05:56
I don't believe in joints, but
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"'๋‚˜๋„ ํ•ฉ์ž‘(joints)์„ ์ข‹์•„ํ•˜์ง„ ์•Š์•„, ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
05:58
they do hold your body together.'" --
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"๊ด€์ ˆ(joints)๋“ค์ด ๋ชธ์„ ์—ฐ๊ฒฐํ•ด์ฃผ์ž–์•„.'"--
05:59
It's an example of loose associations. --
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์ด๋Ÿฐ๊ฒŒ "loose associations (์•ฝํ•œ ์—ฐ๊ณ„)"์˜ ์˜ˆ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:02
"Eventually I made my way back to my dorm room,
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"'๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ๋‚˜๋Š” ๋‚ด ๊ธฐ์ˆ™์‚ฌ๋ฐฉ์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„์™”๋‹ค.'"
06:04
and once there, I couldn't settle down.
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"'๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋•Œ๋Š”, ๋‚˜๋Š” ํฅ๋ถ„์„ ๊ฐ€๋ผ์•‰ํž ์ˆ˜ ์—†์—ˆ๋‹ค.'"
06:06
My head was too full of noise,
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"'๋จธ๋ฆฌ์†์€ ์†Œ์Œ์œผ๋กœ ๊ฐ€๋“ํ–ˆ๋‹ค'"
06:08
too full of orange trees and law memos I could not write
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"'๋„ˆ๋ฌด ๋งŽ์€ ์˜ค๋ Œ์ง€ ๋‚˜๋ฌด๋“ค๊ณผ ์“ฐ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•œ ๋ฒ•๋ฅ  ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋“ค'"
06:12
and mass murders I knew I would be responsible for.
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"'๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์ฑ…์ž„์ ธ์•ผํ•  ๋Œ€๋Ÿ‰ํ•™์‚ด๋“ค๋กœ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ์†์€ ๊ฐ€๋“ํ–ˆ๋‹ค.'"
06:15
Sitting on my bed, I rocked back and forth,
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"'์นจ๋Œ€๊ฐ€์— ์•‰์•„์„œ ๋‚˜๋Š” ์•ž๋’ค๋กœ ํ”๋“ค๊ฑฐ๋ ธ๋‹ค.'"
06:18
moaning in fear and isolation."
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"'๋‘๋ ค์›€๊ณผ ๋‹จ์ ˆ๊ฐ์— ์‹ ์Œํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ."
06:20
This episode led to my first hospitalization in America.
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์ด ์ผ๋กœ์ธํ•ด ์ €๋Š” ์ฒ˜์Œ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ์—์„œ ๋ณ‘์›์œผ๋กœ ์ž…์›ํ•˜๊ฒŒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:23
I had two earlier in England.
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์˜๊ตญ์—์„œ ์ด๋ฏธ ๋‘๋ฒˆ์˜ ์ž…์›์„ ํ–ˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด ์žˆ์—ˆ์ฃ .
06:25
Continuing with the writings:
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๊ธ€์„ ๊ณ„์† ์ฝ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:27
"The next morning I went to my professor's office to ask
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"๋‹ค์Œ๋‚  ์•„์นจ ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ์ œ์ถœ ๊ธฐํ•œ์„ ์—ฐ์žฅํ•ด๋‹ฌ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€ํƒ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๋Ÿฌ
06:29
for an extension on the memo assignment,
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๋‚˜๋Š” ์ง€๋„ ๊ต์ˆ˜๋‹˜์˜ ์‚ฌ๋ฌด์‹ค์„ ์ฐพ์•„๊ฐ”๋‹ค."
06:31
and I began gibbering unintelligably
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"๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ „๋‚  ์ €๋…๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์€ ์‹์œผ๋กœ"
06:33
as I had the night before,
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"์•Œ์•„๋“ค์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋Š” ๋ง๋“ค์„ ํ•ด๋Œ€๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
06:34
and he eventually brought me to the emergency room.
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"๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ๊ต์ˆ˜๋‹˜์€ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ์‘๊ธ‰์‹ค๋กœ ๋ฐ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์…จ๋‹ค."
06:36
Once there, someone I'll just call 'The Doctor'
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"๊ทธ ๋ณ‘์›์—์„œ ํ•œ ์˜์‚ฌ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๊ณผ ๊ทธ์˜ ์ „ ์˜๋ฃŒํŒ€์ด ๋ชฐ๋ ค์™”๋‹ค."
06:40
and his whole team of goons swooped down,
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"๊ทธ ๋ณ‘์›์—์„œ ํ•œ ์˜์‚ฌ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๊ณผ ๊ทธ์˜ ์ „ ์˜๋ฃŒํŒ€์ด ๋ชฐ๋ ค์™”๋‹ค."
06:42
lifted me high into the air,
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"๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ๋ฒˆ์ฉ ๋“ค์–ด์˜ฌ๋ ธ๋‹ค๊ฐ€ ์ฒ ์ œ ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋‚  ๋˜์ ธ๋ฒ„๋ ธ๋‹ค."
06:43
and slammed me down on a metal bed
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"๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ๋ฒˆ์ฉ ๋“ค์–ด์˜ฌ๋ ธ๋‹ค๊ฐ€ ์ฒ ์ œ ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋‚  ๋˜์ ธ๋ฒ„๋ ธ๋‹ค."
06:45
with such force that I saw stars.
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"๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜ ๊ฐ•ํ•œ ์ถฉ๊ฒฉ์— ๋‚œ ๋ณ„์„ ๋ณผ ์ง€๊ฒฝ์ด์—ˆ๋‹ค."
06:47
Then they strapped my legs and arms to the metal bed
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"๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚ด ํŒ”๊ณผ ๋‹ค๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์ฃฝ๋ˆ์œผ๋กœ ์ฒ ์ œ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋ฌถ์—ˆ๋‹ค."
06:50
with thick leather straps.
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"๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚ด ํŒ”๊ณผ ๋‹ค๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์ฃฝ๋ˆ์œผ๋กœ ์ฒ ์ œ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋ฌถ์—ˆ๋‹ค."
06:52
A sound came out of my mouth that I'd never heard before:
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"๋‚ด ์ž…์—์„œ๋Š” ์ „์— ๋“ฃ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•œ ๊ดด์„ฑ์ด ์Ÿ์•„์ ธ ๋‚˜์™”๋‹ค."
06:55
half groan, half scream,
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"์‹ ์Œ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋น„๋ช…์ด๊ธฐ๋„ํ•œ ๊ดด์„ฑ."
06:57
barely human and pure terror.
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"์ง์Šน๊ฐ™๊ณ  ๋‘๋ ค์›€์— ๋– ๋Š”"
07:00
Then the sound came again,
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"๊ทธ๋•Œ ๊ทธ ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋‹ค์‹œ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚ฌ๋‹ค."
07:02
forced from somewhere deep inside my belly
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"๋‚ด ๊นŠ์€ ๊ฐ€์Šด์† ์–ด๋”˜๊ฐ€์—์„œ ๋ฐ€์–ด๋‚ด๋Š”"
07:04
and scraping my throat raw."
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"๋‚ด ์„ฑ๋Œ€๋ฅผ ๊ธ์–ด ๋‚ด๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์†Œ๋ฆฌ."
07:05
This incident resulted in my involuntary hospitalization.
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์ด ์ผ์„ ๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ์ €๋ฅผ ๊ฐ•์ œ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ž…์›ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“ค์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:10
One of the reasons the doctors gave for hospitalizing me
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๊ทธ ์˜์‚ฌ๋“ค์ด ์ œ ์˜์‚ฌ์™€ ๊ด€๊ณ„์—†์ด ๊ฐ•์ œ์ž…์›์„ ์‹œํ‚ค๋ฉด์„œ
07:13
against my will was that I was
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์ด์œ ๋กœ ๋Œ„๊ฒƒ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ "์ ˆ๋ง์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ง๊ฐ€์กŒ๋‹ค"๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
07:15
"gravely disabled."
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์ด์œ ๋กœ ๋Œ„๊ฒƒ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ "์ ˆ๋ง์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ง๊ฐ€์กŒ๋‹ค"๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
07:16
To support this view, they wrote in my chart that I was unable
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๊ทธ ์ง„๋‹จ์„ ์ •๋‹นํ™” ํ•˜๊ธฐ์œ„ํ•ด ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚ด ๋ณ‘์› ๊ธฐ๋ก์—
07:19
to do my Yale Law School homework.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์ˆ™์ œ๋ฅผ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†์—ˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:21
I wondered what that meant about much of the rest of New Haven.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ๋ชปํ•œ ์ˆ˜๋งŽ์€ ๋‰ดํ—ค๋ธ ์ง€์—ญ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์„
07:24
(Laughter)
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์–ด์ฐŒ ์„ค๋ช…ํ• ์ง€ ๊ถ๊ธˆํ•˜๊ตฐ์š”.
07:26
During the next year, I would
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๊ทธ์ผ์ด ์žˆ๊ณ  ๋‹ค์Œํ•ด์—๋Š”
07:28
spend five months in a psychiatric hospital.
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๋‹ค์„ฏ๋‹ฌ์„ ์–ด๋–ค ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘์›์—์„œ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:30
At times, I spent up to 20 hours in mechanical restraints,
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๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” 20์‹œ๊ฐ„๋™์•ˆ์ด๋‚˜ ๋ชธ์ด ๋ฌถ์—ฌ์žˆ์—ˆ์ง€์š”.
07:34
arms tied, arms and legs tied down,
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์–‘ํŒ”๋งŒ ๋ฌถ์ด๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ํŒ”๊ณผ ๋‹ค๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ชจ๋‘ ๋ฌถ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๊ณ .
07:37
arms and legs tied down with a net tied
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๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์— ์ถ”๊ฐ€๋กœ ๊ฐ€์Šด์„ ๋ˆ„๋ฅด๊ณ  ์žˆ๋˜ ๊ทธ๋ฌผ๋ง๊ณผ ํ•จ๊ป˜
07:40
tightly across my chest.
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ํŒ”๋‹ค๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ๋ฌถ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:42
I never struck anyone.
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์ „ ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋•Œ๋ฆฐ์ ๋„ ์—†์—ˆ๊ณ 
07:44
I never harmed anyone. I never made any direct threats.
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์–ด๋–ค ์ƒํ•ด๋ฅผ ์ž…ํžŒ์ ๋„ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ์ง์ ‘ ํ˜‘๋ฐ•ํ•œ์ ๋„ ์—†์—ˆ์ฃ .
07:47
If you've never been restrained yourself, you may have
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๋ชธ์„ ๋ฌถ์—ฌ๋ณด์‹ ์ ์ด ์—†๋‹ค๋ฉด
07:49
a benign image of the experience.
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์•„๋งˆ ์ด ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ด ์‹ฌํ•œ ์ผ์ด ์•„๋‹ ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์‹ค์ง€ ๋ชจ๋ฅด๊ฒ ์ง€๋งŒ
07:52
There's nothing benign about it.
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์ด๊ฑด ์ ˆ๋Œ€๋กœ ์ ์ž–์น˜ ๋ชปํ•œ ์ผ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:54
Every week in the United States,
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๋ฏธ๊ตญ์—์„œ๋Š” ๋งค์ฃผ
07:56
it's been estimated that one to three people die in restraints.
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ํ•œ๋ช… ์ด์ƒ ์„ธ๋ช… ์ดํ•˜์˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋ฌถ์ธ์ƒํƒœ๋กœ ์ฃฝ๋Š”๊ฑธ๋กœ ์ถ”์ •๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:59
They strangle, they aspirate their vomit,
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๋ชฉ์ด ์กธ๋ฆฌ๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๊ณ , ์ž์‹ ์˜ ํ† ์‚ฌ๋ฌผ์ด ๊ธฐ๋„๋กœ ๋„˜์–ด๊ฐ€๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜๋ฉฐ
08:01
they suffocate, they have a heart attack.
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์งˆ์‹ํ•˜๊ธฐ๋„ํ•˜๊ณ , ์‹ฌ์žฅ ๋งˆ๋น„๋ฅผ ๊ฒช๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•˜์ง€์š”.
08:04
It's unclear whether using mechanical restraints
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๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ชธ์„ ๊ตฌ์†ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด
08:06
is actually saving lives or costing lives.
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์ƒ๋ช…์„ ๊ตฌํ•˜๋Š” ํ–‰์œ„์ธ์ง€ ๋ชฉ์ˆจ์„ ๋นผ์•˜๋Š” ์ง“์ธ์ง€ ์—๋งคํ•  ์ง€๊ฒฝ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:09
While I was preparing to write my student note
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์ œ๋Š” ์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์ €๋„์— ๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์ ๊ตฌ์†์—๊ด€ํ•œ ํ•™์ƒ ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋ฅผ ์ค€๋น„ํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ
08:11
for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical restraints,
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์ œ๋Š” ์˜ˆ์ผ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ์ €๋„์— ๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์ ๊ตฌ์†์—๊ด€ํ•œ ํ•™์ƒ ๋ฆฌํฌํŠธ๋ฅผ ์ค€๋น„ํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ
08:14
I consulted an eminent law professor who was also
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์•„์ฃผ ์ €๋ช…ํ•œ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ๊ต์ˆ˜๋‹˜์ด์‹œ๋ฉด์„œ ์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜์‚ฌ์ด์‹œ๊ธฐ๋„ํ•œ ๋ถ„๊ณผ ์ƒ๋‹ด์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:16
a psychiatrist,
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์•„์ฃผ ์ €๋ช…ํ•œ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€ ๊ต์ˆ˜๋‹˜์ด์‹œ๋ฉด์„œ ์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์˜์‚ฌ์ด์‹œ๊ธฐ๋„ํ•œ ๋ถ„๊ณผ ์ƒ๋‹ด์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:17
and said surely he would agree
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋ถ„๊ป˜ ๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์ ์ธ ์‹ ์ฒด ๊ตฌ์†์ด
08:19
that restraints must be degrading,
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๋ชจ์š•์ ์ด๊ณ , ๊ณ ํ†ต์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šฐ๋ฉฐ, ๋งค์šฐ ๋ฌด์„œ์šด ์ผ์ด๋ผ๋Š”
08:21
painful and frightening.
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์ œ์˜๊ฒฌ์— ๋‹น์—ฐํžˆ ๋™์˜ํ•˜์‹œ์ง€ ์•Š๋ƒ๊ณ  ๋งํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
08:23
He looked at me in a knowing way, and said,
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๊ทธ๋ถ„์€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋‹ค ์•Œ์•„์ฐจ๋ ธ๋‹ค๋Š” ์‹์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ”๋ผ๋ณด์‹œ๋ฉฐ
08:25
"Elyn, you don't really understand:
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'์—๋ฆฐ, ์ž๋„ค๋Š” ์ด๊ฑธ ๊นŠ๊ฒŒ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด.'
08:27
These people are psychotic.
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'์ด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ •์‹ ์ด ๋‚˜๊ฐ„ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด๋ผ๋„ค.'
08:29
They're different from me and you.
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'๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ์ž๋„ค์™€ ๋‚˜์™€๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅด๋‹จ ๋ง์ผ์„ธ.'
08:30
They wouldn't experience restraints as we would."
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'๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์  ๊ตฌ์†์„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋“ค ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋Š๋ผ์ง€ ์•Š๊ฑฐ๋“ .'
08:33
I didn't have the courage to tell him in that moment that,
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ์™€ ๋‹ค๋ฅด์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•  ์šฉ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:36
no, we're not that different from him.
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์ €๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์€ ๊ทธ์™€ ๋‹ค๋ฅด์ง€ ์•Š๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•  ์šฉ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:38
We don't like to be strapped down to a bed
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์šฐ๋ฆฐ ์นจ๋Œ€์— ๋ฌถ์—ฌ์žˆ๊ธฐ ์‹ซ๊ณ 
08:40
and left to suffer for hours any more than he would.
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๊ธด ์‹œ๊ฐ„๋™ํ•œ ๊ณ ์ƒํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑธ ๊ทธ๋ณด๋‹ค ์ข‹์•„ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:43
In fact, until very recently,
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์‚ฌ์‹ค, ์•„์ฃผ ์ตœ๊ทผ๊นŒ์ง€
08:45
and I'm sure some people still hold it as a view,
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๋ฌผ๋ฆฌ์  ๊ตฌ์†์„ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋“ค์ด ์•ˆ์ „ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋Š๋‚€๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ๊ณ 
08:47
that restraints help psychiatric patients feel safe.
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์•„์ง ๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์„๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:50
I've never met a psychiatric patient
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ์—ฌํƒœ๊นŒ์ง€ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ๊ฒฌํ•ด์— ์ฐฌ์„ฑํ•˜๋Š” ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋ฅผ
08:52
who agreed with that view.
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ํ•œ๋ช…๋„ ๋งŒ๋‚œ์ ์ด ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:54
Today, I'd like to say I'm very pro-psychiatry
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์˜ค๋Š˜, ์ €๋Š” ์ œ ์ž์‹ ์ด ์ •์‹ ๊ณผ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๋งค์šฐ ์ง€์ง€ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
08:56
but very anti-force.
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๊ฐ•์ œ๋ ฅ์„ ํ–‰์‚ฌํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑด ์‹ฌํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ฐ˜๋Œ€ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‹ถ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:58
I don't think force is effective as treatment, and I think
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์ €๋Š” ๊ฐ•์ œ๋ ฅ ํ–‰์‚ฌ๊ฐ€ ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ธ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ผ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ 
09:01
using force is a terrible thing to do to another person
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ํ–‰์œ„ ์ž์ฒด๋ฅผ ํž˜๋“  ์งˆ๋ณ‘์„ ๊ฐ€์ง„ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ ํ–‰์‚ฌํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ์ž์ฒด๊ฐ€
09:03
with a terrible illness.
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ํ˜์˜ค์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ผ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:05
Eventually, I came to Los Angeles
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๋‚˜์ค‘์—, ์ €๋Š” LA๋กœ ์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:08
to teach at the University of Southern California Law School.
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๋‚จ์บ˜๋ฆฌํฌ๋‹ˆ์•„ ๋Œ€ํ•™ ๋ฒ•๋Œ€์—์„œ ๊ฐ•์˜๋ฅผ ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์ฃ .
09:10
For years, I had resisted medication,
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌํ•ด๋™์•ˆ ์ €๋Š” ์•ฝ๋ฌผ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ์ €ํ•ญํ•ด์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:12
making many, many efforts to get off.
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๊ทธ ์•ฝ๋“ค์—์„œ ํ•ด๋ฐฉ๋˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด ์ •๋ง๋กœ ๋งŽ์€ ๋…ธ๋ ฅ์„ ํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
09:14
I felt that if I could manage without medication,
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์ €๋Š” ์•ฝ๋ฌผ์—†์ด๋„ ์ž˜ ๊ฒฌ๋ŽŒ๋‚ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„๊ฑฐ๋ผ ๋Š๊ผˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:17
I could prove that, after all,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ์ •๋ง๋กœ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ด ์—†๋‹ค๋Š”๊ฑธ ์ฆ๋ช…ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋Š๊ผˆ์ฃ .
09:19
I wasn't really mentally ill, it was some terrible mistake.
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๊ทธ๊ฑด ์ •๋ง๋กœ ํฐ ์‹ค์ˆ˜์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:22
My motto was the less medicine, the less defective.
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์ œ ๋ชจํ† ๊ฐ€ ์•ฝ๋ฌผ์„ ์ ๊ฒŒํ• ์ˆ˜๋ก ๋ฌธ์ œ๋„ ์ ์–ด์ง„๋‹ค ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:25
My L.A. analyst, Dr. Kaplan, was urging me
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์ œ LA ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์„๊ฐ€ ์บํ”Œ๋ž€ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋‹˜์€
09:28
just to stay on medication and get on with my life,
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์ œ๊ฒŒ ๊พธ์ค€ํžˆ ์•ฝ์„ ๋จน๊ณ  ์ œ ์‚ถ์„ ๋ˆ„๋ฆฌ๋ผ๊ณ  ๊ฐ•์š”ํ–ˆ์ฃ .
09:31
but I decided I wanted to make one last college try to get off.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ์•ฝ๋ฌผ์—์„œ ํ•ด๋ฐฉ๋˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•œ ๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰ ๋…ธ๋ ฅ์„ ํ•˜๊ธฐ๋กœ ๊ฒฐ์ •ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:34
Quoting from the text:
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๊ธ€์„ ์ฝ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.:
09:36
"I started the reduction of my meds, and within a short time
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"์•ฝ๋ฌผ์„ ์ค„์—ฌ๋‚˜๊ฐ€๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
09:39
I began feeling the effects.
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"๋จธ์ง€ ์•Š์•„ ๊ทธ ํšจ๊ณผ๊ฐ€ ๋Š๊ปด์ง€๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
09:41
After returning from a trip to Oxford, I marched into
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"์˜ฅ์Šคํฌ๋“œ์—์„œ ๋Œ์•„์˜ค๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ ์บํ”Œ๋ž€ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ์˜ ์‚ฌ๋ฌด์‹ค๋กœ๊ฐ€์„œ"
09:44
Kaplan's office, headed straight for the corner, crouched down,
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"์ฝ”๋„ˆ์— ์žˆ๋Š” ์˜์ž๋กœ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ๊ฐ€์„œ ์•‰์•˜๋‹ค."
09:48
covered my face, and began shaking.
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ๋‚ด ์–ผ๊ตด์„ ๋‘์†์œผ๋กœ ๊ฐ์‹ธ๊ณ  ๋–จ๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ๋‹ค."
09:50
All around me I sensed evil beings poised with daggers.
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"๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋Š๋ผ๋Š” ๋‚ด์ฃผ์œ„ ์ „๋ถ€๊ฐ€ ์นผ์„ ๋“ค์ด๋Œ€๋Š” ์‚ฌ์•…ํ•œ ์กด์žฌ๋“ค์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋Š๊ปด์กŒ๋‹ค."
09:53
They'd slice me up in thin slices
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"๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ์ž˜๊ฒŒ ์ฐ์–ด๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜"
09:55
or make me swallow hot coals.
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"๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋œจ๊ฑฐ์šด ์„ํƒ„์„ ์‚ผํ‚ค๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“ค๊ฒ„ ๊ฐ™์•˜๋‹ค."
09:57
Kaplan would later describe me as 'writhing in agony.'
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์บํ”Œ๋ž€ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋Š” ๊ทธ๋•Œ์˜ ์ €๋Š” "๊ณ ํ†ต์— ๋ชธ๋ถ€๋ฆผ์น˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค." ๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:00
Even in this state, what he accurately described as
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ์—์„œ๋„ ๊ทธ๋Š” ์ €๋ฅผ ๊ธ‰์„ฑ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์ˆจ๊ธฐ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋กœ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ํŒŒ์•…ํ–ˆ์ฃ .
10:03
acutely and forwardly psychotic,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ƒํ™ฉ์—์„œ๋„ ๊ทธ๋Š” ์ €๋ฅผ ๊ธ‰์„ฑ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์ˆจ๊ธฐ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์ž๋กœ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ํŒŒ์•…ํ–ˆ์ฃ .
10:05
I refused to take more medication.
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์ €๋Š” ์•ฝ์„ ๋จน๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๊ฑฐ๋ถ€ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:07
The mission is not yet complete.
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์ด ๋ฏธ์…˜์€ ์•„์ง ๋๋‚˜์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:10
Immediately after the appointment with Kaplan,
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์บํ”Œ๋ž€ ๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๋ฐฉ๋ฌธํ•˜๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ๋Š” ๊ณง์ด์–ด
10:12
I went to see Dr. Marder, a schizophrenia expert
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์ €๋Š” ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด์ฆ ์ „๋ฌธ๊ฐ€์ธ ๋งˆ๋ฅด๋”๋ฅผ ๋งŒ๋‚˜๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:15
who was following me for medication side effects.
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๊ทธ๋Š” ์ €์˜ ์•ฝ๋ฌผ ๋ถ€์ž‘์šฉ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ํ™•์ธํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:17
He was under the impression that I had a mild psychotic illness.
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๊ทธ๋Š” ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„์ฃผ ๊ฒฝ๋ฏธํ•œ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ์„์ง€๋„ ๋ชจ๋ฅธ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ–ˆ์ง€์š”.
10:20
Once in his office, I sat on his couch, folded over,
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ํ•œ๋ฒˆ์€, ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ์˜ ์‚ฌ๋ฌด์‹ค์— ์˜์ž์— ์•‰์•„
10:23
and began muttering.
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๋ชธ์„ ์ˆ˜๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ค‘์–ผ๊ฑฐ๋ฆฌ๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:25
'Head explosions and people trying to kill.
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'๋จธ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ํญ๋ฐœํ•˜๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ฃฝ์ด๋ ค๊ณ ํ•ด์š”'
10:27
Is it okay if I totally trash your office?'
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'์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋‹น์‹  ์‚ฌ๋ฌด์‹ค์„ ๋‚œ์žฅํŒ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“คํ…๋ฐ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์„๊นŒ์š”?'
10:30
'You need to leave if you think you're going to do that,'
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'๊ทธ๋Ÿด๊ฑฐ ๊ฐ™์œผ๋ฉด ์—ฌ๊ธธ ๋‚˜๊ฐ€์•ผ ๊ฒ ์ฃ .' ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งˆ๋ฅด๋”๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋Š” ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:32
said Marder.
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'๊ทธ๋Ÿด๊ฑฐ ๊ฐ™์œผ๋ฉด ์—ฌ๊ธธ ๋‚˜๊ฐ€์•ผ ๊ฒ ์ฃ .' ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งˆ๋ฅด๋”๋ฐ•์‚ฌ๋Š” ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:33
'Okay. Small. Fire on ice. Tell them not to kill me.
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'์•„ํ•˜. ์ž‘์€๊ฒƒ๋“ค, ์–ผ์Œ์—๋Š” ๋ถˆ์„. ๊ทธ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋‚  ์ฃฝ์ด์ง€ ๋ง๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•ด.'
10:37
Tell them not to kill me. What have I done wrong?
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'๋‚  ์ฃฝ์ด์ง€ ๋งˆ. ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋ญ˜ ์ž˜๋ชปํ–ˆ๋Š”๋ฐ?'
10:38
Hundreds of thousands with thoughts, interdiction.'
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์ˆ˜๋งŒ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋“ค๊ณผ ๋‹จ์ ˆ๋œ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋“ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:41
'Elyn, do you feel like you're
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'์—๋ฆฐ, ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ๋‚˜ ๋‚จ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ณธ์ธ์ด ์œ„ํ—˜ํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด์š”?'
10:42
dangerous to yourself or others?
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'์—๋ฆฐ, ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ๋‚˜ ๋‚จ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ณธ์ธ์ด ์œ„ํ—˜ํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด์š”?'
10:44
I think you need to be in the hospital.
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'๋‚œ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ์ž…์›ํ•ด์•ผ ํ• ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์•„์š”.'
10:46
I could get you admitted right away, and the whole thing
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'์ง€๊ธˆ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์ž…์›ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์ค„์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ณ '
10:48
could be very discrete.'
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'์กฐ์šฉํžˆ ์ฒ˜๋ฆฌํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด์š”'
10:49
'Ha, ha, ha.
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'ํ•˜. ํ•˜. ํ•˜.'
10:51
You're offering to put me in hospitals?
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'์ง€๊ธˆ ๋‚˜ํ•œํ…Œ ์ž…์›์„ ๊ถŒ์œ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์š”?'
10:53
Hospitals are bad, they're mad, they're sad.
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'๋ณ‘์›์€ ์ข‹์ง€ ์•Š์•„, ๊ทธ๊ณณ์€ ๋ฏธ์นœ๊ณณ์ด๊ณ  ์šฐ์šธํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ .'
10:56
One must stay away. I'm God, or I used to be.'"
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'๋ˆ„๊ตฌ๋„ ๊ฑฐ๊ธธ ๊ฐ€๋ฉด ์•ˆ๋˜. ๋‚œ ์‹ ์ด์•ผ , ์•„๋‹˜ ์ „์— ๊ทธ๋žฌ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜.'
11:00
At that point in the text,
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์ด๋ถ€๋ถ„์— ๋‚จํŽธ์ด ๊ท€ํ‰์ด์— ์ ์–ด๋†“์€ ๊ธ€์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:02
where I said "I'm God, or I used to be," my husband
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์ด๋ถ€๋ถ„์— ๋‚จํŽธ์ด ๊ท€ํ‰์ด์— ์ ์–ด๋†“์€ ๊ธ€์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:04
made a marginal note.
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"๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์‹ ์ธ๊ฑธ ๊ด€๋‘์—ˆ๋‚˜, ์•„๋‹˜ ํ•ด๊ณ ๋‹นํ•œ๊ฑฐ์•ผ?"
11:05
He said, "Did you quit or were you fired?"
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"๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์‹ ์ธ๊ฑธ ๊ด€๋‘์—ˆ๋‚˜, ์•„๋‹˜ ํ•ด๊ณ ๋‹นํ•œ๊ฑฐ์•ผ?"
11:06
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
11:08
"'I give life and I take it away.
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"๋‚œ ์ƒ๋ช…์„ ์ฃผ๊ณ  ๋˜ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•—์•„๊ฐ€์ง€"
11:12
Forgive me, for I know not what I do.'
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"๋ฏธ์•ˆํ•ด ๋‚œ ๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋ญ˜ํ•˜๋Š”์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ชฐ๋ผ."
11:14
Eventually, I broke down in front of friends, and
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๊ฒฐ๊ตญ, ์ €๋Š” ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค ์•ž์—์„œ ๋ฌด๋„ˆ์กŒ๊ณ 
11:17
everybody convinced me to take more medication.
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๋ชจ๋‘๋“ค ์ œ๊ฒŒ ์•ฝ๋ฌผ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์œผ๋ผ๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:20
I could no longer deny the truth,
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์ €๋Š” ๋”์ด์ƒ ์‚ฌ์‹ค์„ ๋ถ€์ธํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†์—ˆ์ฃ ,
11:22
and I could not change it.
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๋˜ํ•œ ๋ฐ”๊ฟ€ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:23
The wall that kept me, Elyn, Professor Saks,
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์ œ ์ž์‹  ์—๋ฆฐ, ์ƒ‰ ๊ต์ˆ˜ ๋ฅผ ์˜ค๋žœ ๊ณผ๊ฑฐ์— ๋ณ‘์› ์‹ ์„ธ๋ฅผ ์กŒ๋˜
11:26
separate from that insane woman hospitalized years past,
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๊ทธ ์ •์‹ ๋‚˜๊ฐ„ ์—ฌ์ธ๊ณผ ๋ถ„๋ฆฌํ•ด ๋†“๋˜ ๊ทธ ๋ฒฝ์ด
11:29
lay smashed and in ruins."
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์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋ฌด๋„ˆ์ ธ ๋‚ด๋ฆฐ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:31
Everything about this illness says I shouldn't be here,
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์ด ์งˆ๋ณ‘์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ด์ž๋ฆฌ์— ์žˆ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:34
but I am. And I am, I think, for three reasons:
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ์ „ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์— ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์„ธ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์ด์œ  ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์ฃ .
11:37
First, I've had excellent treatment.
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์ฒซ์งธ๋กœ, ์ €๋Š” ํ›Œ๋ฅญํ•œ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:39
Four- to five-day-a-week psychoanalytic psychotherapy
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์ˆ˜์‹ญ๋…„๊ฐ„ ์ผ์ฃผ์ผ์— 4-5์ผ์”ฉ ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์„ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๊พธ์ค€ํžˆ ๋ฐ›์•˜๊ณ 
11:42
for decades and continuing, and excellent psychopharmacology.
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๋›ฐ์–ด๋‚œ ์น˜๋ฃŒ์•ฝ๋“ค๋„ ๋ฐ›์•„์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:45
Second, I have many close family members and friends who know me
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๋‘˜์งธ๋กœ, ์ œ๊ฒ ์ €๋ฅผ ์•Œ๊ณ , ์ œ ๋ณ‘์„ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์นœํ•œ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค๊ณผ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค์ด ๋งŽ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:49
and know my illness.
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๋‘˜์งธ๋กœ, ์ œ๊ฒ ์ €๋ฅผ ์•Œ๊ณ , ์ œ ๋ณ‘์„ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์นœํ•œ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค๊ณผ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค์ด ๋งŽ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:50
These relationships have given my life a meaning
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ธ์—ฐ๋“ค์€ ์ œ์‚ถ์— ์˜๋ฏธ์™€ ๊นŠ์ด๋ฅผ ๋ถ€์—ฌํ•ด์™”๊ณ 
11:52
and a depth, and they also helped me navigate
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ œ ์ฆ์ƒ๋“ค์„ ์ง๋ฉดํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€๋Š”๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:55
my life in the face of symptoms.
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ œ ์ฆ์ƒ๋“ค์„ ์ง๋ฉดํ•˜๋ฉฐ ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด์•„๊ฐ€๋Š”๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:57
Third, I work at an enormously supportive workplace
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์„ธ์งธ๋กœ, ์ €๋Š” ๋งค์šฐ ์šฐํ˜ธ์ ์ธ ์ง์žฅ์ธ USC ๋ฒ•๋Œ€์—์„œ ์ผ์„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:00
at USC Law School.
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์„ธ์งธ๋กœ, ์ €๋Š” ๋งค์šฐ ์šฐํ˜ธ์ ์ธ ์ง์žฅ์ธ USC ๋ฒ•๋Œ€์—์„œ ์ผ์„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:01
This is a place that not only accommodates my needs
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์ด๊ณณ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•„์š”ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์„ ์ œ๊ณตํ•ด์ค„ ๋ฟ๋งŒ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
12:04
but actually embraces them.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๋ ค๊ณ  ํ•˜์ง€์š”.
12:06
It's also a very intellectually stimulating place,
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๋˜ ์ด๊ณณ์€ ์ง€์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋งค์šฐ ์ž๊ทน์ ์ธ ๊ณณ์ด์–ด์„œ
12:09
and occupying my mind with complex problems
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๋ณต์žกํ•œ ๋ฌธ์ œ๋“ค๋กœ ์ œ ๋งˆ์Œ์„ ๊ฐ€๋“์ฑ„์šฐ๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๊ณ 
12:11
has been my best and most powerful and most reliable
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋Š”๊ฒƒ์ด ์ œ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์— ๋Œ€์ฒ˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๋ฏฟ์„์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:15
defense against my mental illness.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋Š”๊ฒƒ์ด ์ œ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์— ๋Œ€์ฒ˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๋ฏฟ์„์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:17
Even with all that โ€” excellent treatment, wonderful family and
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ๊ทธ ๋ชจ๋“ ๊ฒƒ๋“ค๋„ - ๋›ฐ์–ด๋‚œ ์น˜๋ฃŒ, ํ›Œ๋ฅญํ•œ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๊ณผ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค
12:20
friends, supportive work environment โ€”
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์šฐํ˜ธ์ ์ธ ์ง์žฅ ํ™˜๊ฒฝ์„ ๊ฐ€์กŒ์œผ๋ฉด์„œ๋„
12:22
I did not make my illness public
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์ €๋Š” ์ œ ๋ณ‘์„ ์ผ๋ฐ˜์—๊ฒŒ ์•Œ๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:24
until relatively late in life,
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์ œ ์ธ์ƒ์— ๋Š์ฆˆ๋ง‰์— ์ด๋ฅผ๋•Œ๊นŒ์ง€์š”.
12:26
and that's because the stigma against mental illness
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๊ทธ ์ด์œ ๋Š” ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ํŽธ๊ฒฌ๋“ค ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:28
is so powerful that I didn't feel safe with people knowing.
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๊ทธ ํŽธ๊ฒฌ๋“ค์€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜ ๊ฐ•ํ•ด์„œ ์ €๋Š” ์ผ๋ฐ˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์ œ ๋ณ‘์„ ์•„๋Š”๊ฒƒ์ด ํŽธํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์ง€์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์ฃ .
12:31
If you hear nothing else today,
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์˜ค๋Š˜ ์ œ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ๋งˆ์Œ์— ์™€ ๋‹ฟ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ์…จ๋‹ค๋ฉด
12:33
please hear this: There are not "schizophrenics."
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์ด๊ฒƒ๋งŒ์€ ์ž˜ ๋“ค์–ด ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”: "์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด์ธ" ์ด๋ž€ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:37
There are people with schizophrenia, and these people
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์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์—ด๋ณ‘์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์žˆ์ฃ ,
12:40
may be your spouse, they may be your child,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ๋ฐฐ์šฐ์ž์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„, ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์•„์ด์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„,
12:42
they may be your neighbor, they may be your friend,
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๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์ด์›ƒ์ผ์ˆ˜๋„, ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์นœ๊ตฌ์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„,
12:44
they may be your coworker.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์ง์žฅ ๋™๋ฃŒ์ผ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:46
So let me share some final thoughts.
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์ž ์ œ ๋งˆ๋ฌด๋ฆฌ ์ƒ๊ฐ๋“ค์„ ๋ง์”€๋“œ๋ฆฌ๋„๋ก ํ•˜์ง€์š”.
12:48
We need to invest more resources into research and treatment
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์šฐ๋ฆฐ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์™€ ์น˜๋ฃŒ์— ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์ง€์›์„ ํˆฌ์žํ•ด์•ผํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:52
of mental illness.
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์šฐ๋ฆฐ ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์™€ ์น˜๋ฃŒ์— ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์ง€์›์„ ํˆฌ์žํ•ด์•ผํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:53
The better we understand these illnesses, the better
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ด ๋ณ‘๋“ค์„ ๋” ๋งŽ์ด ์ดํ•ดํ•  ์ˆ˜๋ก,
12:55
the treatments we can provide, and the better the treatments
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๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ํ•  ์ˆ˜์žˆ๊ณ , ๋” ๋‚˜์€ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ํ•  ์ˆ˜๋ก
12:57
we can provide, the more we can offer people care,
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ๊ด€์‹ฌ์„ ๊ธฐ์šธ์ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:00
and not have to use force.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ•์ œ๋ ฅ์„ ํ–‰์‚ฌํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์•„๋„ ๋˜์ฃ .
13:01
Also, we must stop criminalizing mental illness.
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๋˜ํ•œ, ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘์„ ์ฃ„์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๋Š” ๊ฑธ ๋ฉˆ์ถ”์–ด์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:04
It's a national tragedy and scandal that the L.A. County Jail
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LA ๊ต๋„์†Œ๊ฐ€ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ๋‚ด ๊ฐ€์žฅ ํฐ ์ •์‹ ๋ณ‘๋™์ด๋ผ๋Š” ์‚ฌ์‹ค์€
13:08
is the biggest psychiatric facility in the United States.
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๊ตญ๊ฐ€์  ๋น„๊ทน์ด๋ฉฐ ์Šค์บ”๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:11
American prisons and jails are filled with people who suffer
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๋ฏธ๊ตญ๋‚ด ๊ตฌ์น˜์†Œ์™€ ๊ต๋„์†Œ๋Š” ์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•œ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์„ ๊ฒช๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๋กœ ๊ฐ€๋“ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:15
from severe mental illness, and many of them are there
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๋งŽ์€ ์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ์ ์ ˆํ•œ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ด์„œ ๊ทธ๊ณณ์— ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:17
because they never received adequate treatment.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ๋งŽ์€ ์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ์ ์ ˆํ•œ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ด์„œ ๊ทธ๊ณณ์— ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:19
I could have easily ended up there or on the streets myself.
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์ œ ์ž์‹ ๋„ ์•„์ฃผ ๊ฐ„๋‹จํžˆ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ๊ณณ์ด๋‚˜ ๋…ธ์ˆ™์ธ์ด ๋  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:23
A message to the entertainment industry and to the press:
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์—ฐ์˜ˆ์—…๊ณ„์™€ ์–ธ๋ก ์— ๋“œ๋ฆด ๋ฉ”์„ธ์ง€๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.:
13:26
On the whole, you've done a wonderful job fighting stigma
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์ „๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ณผ๋•Œ๋Š”, ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๋“ค์€ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ์ข…๋ฅ˜์˜ ์‚ฌํšŒ์  ํŽธ๊ฒฌ๊ณผ ์˜คํ•ด์™€ ๋ฉ‹์ง€๊ฒŒ ์‹ธ์›Œ์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:30
and prejudice of many kinds.
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์ „๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ณผ๋•Œ๋Š”, ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๋“ค์€ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ์ข…๋ฅ˜์˜ ์‚ฌํšŒ์  ํŽธ๊ฒฌ๊ณผ ์˜คํ•ด์™€ ๋ฉ‹์ง€๊ฒŒ ์‹ธ์›Œ์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:32
Please, continue to let us see characters in your movies,
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๋ถ€๋””, ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ธ๋ฌผ๋“ค์„ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ์˜ํ™”์™€ ์—ฐ๊ทน, ์นผ๋Ÿผ์— ๊ณ„์† ์‹ค์–ด ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”
13:35
your plays, your columns,
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๋ถ€๋””, ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ธ๋ฌผ๋“ค์„ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์˜ ์˜ํ™”์™€ ์—ฐ๊ทน, ์นผ๋Ÿผ์— ๊ณ„์† ์‹ค์–ด ์ฃผ์„ธ์š”
13:37
who suffer with severe mental illness.
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์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•œ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์„ ๊ฒช๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์„ ์—ฐ๋ฏผ์œผ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋ ค์ฃผ์‹œ๊ณ .
13:39
Portray them sympathetically,
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์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•œ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์„ ๊ฒช๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์„ ์—ฐ๋ฏผ์œผ๋กœ ๊ทธ๋ ค์ฃผ์‹œ๊ณ .
13:41
and portray them in all the richness and depth
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๊ทธ๋“ค์„ ๋ณ‘์˜ ํ•œ ์ข…๋ฅ˜๋กœ์„œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
13:43
of their experience as people and not as diagnoses.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ํ’๋ถ€ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊นŠ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ์ธ๊ฐ„์œผ๋กœ์„œ์˜ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์„ ๊ทธ๋ ค์ฃผ์‹ญ์‹œ์š”.
13:47
Recently, a friend posed a question:
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์ตœ๊ทผ์—, ์นœ๊ตฌ๊ฐ€ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ•˜๋‚˜ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค:
13:49
If there were a pill I could take
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๋งŒ์•ฝ์— ์ œ๋ณ‘์„ ๋‹จ์ˆจ์— ์น˜๋ฃŒํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์•ฝ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด
13:51
that would instantly cure me, would I take it?
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๊ทธ ์•ฝ์„ ๋จน์„๊ฑฐ๋ƒ๊ณ .
13:53
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke
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์‹œ์ธ์ธ ๋ ˆ์ด๋„ˆ ๋งˆ๋ฆฌ์•„ ๋ฆด์ผ€๋Š” ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์„ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๊ถŒ์œ ๋ฐ›์•˜์„ ๋•Œ
13:55
was offered psychoanalysis.
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์‹œ์ธ์ธ ๋ ˆ์ด๋„ˆ ๋งˆ๋ฆฌ์•„ ๋ฆด์ผ€๋Š” ์ •์‹ ๋ถ„์„ ์น˜๋ฃŒ๋ฅผ ๊ถŒ์œ ๋ฐ›์•˜์„ ๋•Œ
13:57
He declined, saying, "Don't take my devils away,
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๋‹ค์Œ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™์ด ๋งํ•˜๋ฉฐ ๊ฑฐ์ ˆํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. "๋‚ด ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์„ ์—†์• ์ง€ ๋งˆ์‹œ์˜ค.
13:59
because my angels may flee too."
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฉด ๋‚ด ์ฒœ์‚ฌ๋“ค๋„ ํฉ์–ด์ ธ ๋ฒ„๋ฆดํ…Œ๋‹ˆ."
14:01
My psychosis, on the other hand,
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์ œ ์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์€ ๊ทธ ๋ฐ˜๋ฉด์—,
14:03
is a waking nightmare in which my devils are so terrifying
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๊นจ์–ด์žˆ๋Š” ์•…๋ชฝ์ด๋ฉฐ, ๊ทธ ์•ˆ์˜ ์ œ ์•…๋งˆ๋“ค์€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜๋„ ๋ฌด์„œ์›Œ์„œ
14:06
that all my angels have already fled.
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์ฒœ์‚ฌ๋“ค์€ ์ด๋ฏธ ํฉ์–ด์กŒ๋‹ต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:08
So would I take the pill? In an instant.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ์•ฝ์„ ๋จน์„๊นŒ์š”? ๋‹น์žฅ์ด๋ผ๋„ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์ฃ .
14:12
That said, I don't wish to be seen as regretting
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๋“ค์ด ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์ด ์งˆํ™˜์ด ์—†๋Š” ์‚ถ์„ ์‚ด์•˜๋”๋ผ๋ฉด ํ•˜๊ณ 
14:14
the life I could have had if I'd not been mentally ill,
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์ œ์ธ์ƒ์„ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ์—๊ฒŒ ๋™์ •์„ ๊ตฌํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์‹œ์ง„ ์•Š์•˜์œผ๋ฉด ์ข‹๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:17
nor am I asking anyone for their pity.
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์ œ์ธ์ƒ์„ ํ›„ํšŒํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ์—๊ฒŒ ๋™์ •์„ ๊ตฌํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์‹œ์ง„ ์•Š์•˜์œผ๋ฉด ์ข‹๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:19
What I rather wish to say is that the humanity we all share
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ง ํ•˜๊ณ ์ž ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฑด ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜๋Š” ์ธ๊ฐ„์„ฑ์ด
14:22
is more important than the mental illness we may not.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ์ค‘ ์ผ๋ถ€๋งŒ ๊ฐ€์ง€๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์ •์‹ ์งˆํ™˜๋ณด๋‹ค ๋” ์ค‘์š”ํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:25
What those of us who suffer with mental illness want
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์ •์‹  ์งˆํ™˜์œผ๋กœ ๊ณ ํ†ต๋ฐญ๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋“ค์ด ์›ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
14:27
is what everybody wants:
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋ชจ๋“  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์›ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
14:29
in the words of Sigmund Freud, "to work and to love."
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์ง€๊ทธ๋ฌธํŠธ ํ”„๋กœ์ด๋“œ์˜ ๋ง๋Œ€๋กœ "์ผ์„ํ•˜๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š”๊ฒƒ"
14:31
Thank you. (Applause)
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. (๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
14:34
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
14:35
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. (Applause)
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ •๋ง ๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. (๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
14:40
Thank you. (Applause)
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. (๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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