A rite of passage for late life | Bob Stein

Translator: Aske Møller Reviewer: Jette Thrane

I grew up white, secular and middle class

Jeg voksede op i en hvid middelklasse

in 1950s America.

i 1950'ernes Amerika.

That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July,

Det betød fyrværkeri d. 4. Juli,

trick-or-treating on Halloween

slik og ballade til halloween

and putting presents under a tree at Christmas.

og at putte gaver under træet til jul.

But by the time those traditions got to me,

Men da traditionerne kom til mig,

they were hollow, commercial enterprises,

var de hule, kommercielle virksomheder,

which just left me feeling empty.

som efterlod mig med en tom følelse.

So from a relatively young age,

Så fra en relativ ung alder,

I found myself looking to fill an existential hole,

søgte jeg at udfylde et eksistentielt hul,

to connect with something bigger than myself.

for at finde noget større end mig selv.

There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century,

Der var ingen bar mitzvah i min familie i over et århundrede,

so I thought I'd take a shot at that --

så jeg sprang ud i det --

(Laughter)

(Grin)

only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi,

kun for at blive skuffet, efter et møde med rabbineren,

a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair,

en høj, guddommelig figur med bølgende hvidt hår,

consisted of him asking me for my middle name

som spurgte om mit mellemnavn,

so we could fill out a form.

så vi kunne udfylde en formular.

Yep, that was it.

Det var det.

(Laughter)

(Grin)

So I got the fountain pen,

Så jeg fik fyldepennen,

but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence

Men fik ingen fornemmelse af det forhold og selvtillid,

I was searching for.

som jeg søgte efter.

Many years later,

Mange år senere,

I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13

kunne jeg ikke bære tanken om at min søn fyldte 13,

without some kind of rite of passage.

uden nogen form for overgangsceremoni.

So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip,

Jeg fik idéen til en 13 års fødselsdagsrejse,

and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world

og tilbød Murphy en tur ud i verden,

that had meaning for him.

som gav mening for ham.

A budding young naturalist who loved turtles,

En spirrende ung naturalist, som elskede skildpadder,

he immediately settled on the Galapagos.

slog hurtigt ned på Galapagos.

And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13,

Da min datter, Katie, fyldte 13,

she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon,

brugte vi to uger i bunden af Grand Canyon,

where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave.

hvor hun for første gang lærte, at hun var stærk og modig.

Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives

Siden da har min partner, Ashton, og mange af vores venner

have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips,

taget deres børn med på en 13 års fødselsdagstur,

with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent.

hvor alle har fundet det forandrende for både barnet og forælderen.

I wasn't brought up saying grace.

Jeg blev ikke opdraget med bordbøn.

But for the last 20 years,

Men i de sidste 20 år,

we've been holding hands before every meal.

har vi holdt hænder før hvert måltid.

It's a beautiful bit of shared silence

Det er en smuk stilhed,

that brings us all together in the moment.

som bringer os alle sammen i øjeblikket.

Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze,"

Ashton siger de skal klemme hinandens hænder

while she assures them it's not religious.

mens hun sikrer dem det ikke er religiøst.

(Laughter)

(Grin)

So recently, when my family asked me

Så fornyligt, da min familie spurgte mig,

if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff

om jeg kunne gøre noget ved de mere end 250 kasser med ting,

that I've collected over a lifetime,

som jeg har samlet gennem mit liv,

my ritual-making impulse kicked in.

slog min ritualsøgende impuls ind.

I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning.

Jeg undrede mig over, om jeg kunne gå dybere end bare "dødsoprydning".

"Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets,

"Dødsoprydning" er et svensk ord for, at rydde op i dine skabe,

your basement and your attic before you die,

din kælder og dit loft, før du dør,

so your kids don't have to do it later.

så dine børn ikke skal gøre det senere.

(Laughter)

(Grin)

I pictured my children opening up box after box

Jeg tog billeder af mine børn, Som åbnede boks efter boks

and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff.

og det undrede mig at jeg havde gemt alle disse ting.

(Laughter)

(Grin)

And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture

Jeg forestillede mig dem kigge på et specifikt billede,

of me with a beautiful young woman,

af mig og en smuk ung kvinde,

and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?"

og spørge, "Hvem er det, sammen med far?"

(Laughter)

(Grin)

And that was the aha moment.

Og det var a-ha oplevelsen

It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important;

Tingene i sig selv var ikke vigtige.

it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning.

Det var historien bag, der gav dem mening.

Could using the objects to tell the stories

Kunne man gennem tingenes historie

be the seed of a new ritual,

finde nye ritualer,

a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old,

en overgang -- Ikke for en 13 årig,

but for someone much further down the road?

men for nogle som har levet længere?

So I started experimenting.

Så jeg begyndte, at eksperimentere.

I got a few dozen things out of the boxes,

Jeg udvalgte ting fra kasserne,

I put them about in a room,

og placerede dem i et værelse,

and I invited people to come in

inviterede mennesker til at komme

and ask me about anything that they found interesting.

og spørge mig om alt, hvad de fandt interessant.

The results were terrific.

Resultatet var fantastisk.

A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion,

En god historie blev startskuddet, til en langt dybere diskussion,

in which my visitors made meaningful connections

hvor mine besøgende fandt meningsfulde forbindelser,

to their own lives.

til deres eget liv.

Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt

Derriud [Quarles] spurgte mig om en Leonard Peltier T-shirt,

that I'd worn a lot in the '80s,

som jeg havde brugt en del i 80'erne,

that, sadly, is still relevant today.

og som desværre stadig er relevant idag.

Our conversation moved quickly,

Vores samtale udviklede sig hurtigt

from a large number of political prisoners in American jails,

fra et stort antal politiske fanger i amerikanske fængsler,

to Derrius wondering about the legacy

til Derrius' undren over eftermælet

of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s,

af den "sorte friheds" bevægelse i 60'erne,

and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then,

og hvordan hans liv havde formet sig hvis han havde været voksen dengang,

instead of 30-odd years later.

istedet for 30 år senere.

At the end of our conversation,

I slutningen af vores samtale

Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt.

spurgte Derrius mig, om han måtte få T-shirten.

And giving it to him felt just about perfect.

At give ham den, føltes helt perfekt.

As these conversations established common ground,

Som samtalerne skabte fælles grundlag,

especially across generations,

specielt på tværs af generationer,

I realized I was opening a space

opdagede jeg, at jeg åbnede et rum

for people to talk about things that really mattered to them.

for folk til at tale om ting, som betød noget for dem.

And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose --

Jeg så nu mig selv med en fornyet formål --

not as the old guy on the way out,

ikke som den gamle mand på vejen ud,

but as someone with a role to play

men som en med en rolle at udfylde,

going forward.

fremadrettet.

When I was growing up,

Da jeg voksede op,

life ended for most people in their 70s.

endte livet for de fleste i 70-års alderen.

People are living far longer now,

Nu lever vi meget længere,

and for the first time in human history,

og for første gang i historien

it's common for four generations to be living side by side.

kan fire generationer være i live på en gang

I'm 71,

Jeg er 71,

and with a bit of luck,

og med lidt held,

I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me.

har jeg 20 eller 30 år foran mig.

Giving away my stuff now

At give mine ting væk nu,

and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too,

og dele det med venner, familie og fremmede også,

seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life.

virker som den perfekte måde, at møde det næste stadie af mit liv.

Turns out to be just what I was looking for:

Det viser sig at være lige det jeg søgte:

a ritual that's less about dying

et ritual, som handler mindre om at dø,

and more about opening the door

og mere om at åbne døren

to whatever comes next.

til hvad end der kommer.

Thank you.

Tak.

(Applause)

(Klappesalve)

Onward!

Videre!

(Applause)

(Klappesalve)