A rite of passage for late life | Bob Stein

翻译人员: Danyang Luo 校对人员: Echo Sun

I grew up white, secular and middle class

我出生于五十年代美国的

in 1950s America.

一个传统的白人中产阶级家庭里。

That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July,

这意味着，七月四号（独立日）要看烟花，

trick-or-treating on Halloween

在万圣节不给糖就捣乱，

and putting presents under a tree at Christmas.

以及圣诞节时会把礼物放在树下。

But by the time those traditions got to me,

到了我生活的年代时，

这些传统变成了空洞的商业之事，

they were hollow, commercial enterprises,

which just left me feeling empty.

让我感到空虚。

So from a relatively young age,

所以，从年轻的时候，

I found myself looking to fill an existential hole,

我就开始寻找方法填补 这个存在了的空洞，

to connect with something bigger than myself.

以期与更伟大的事物相连。

There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century,

一个多世纪以来， 我家没有举办过一场（犹太）成人礼，

so I thought I'd take a shot at that --

所以我想我应该试试看。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi,

但和拉比（犹太教教义者）的相遇 仍带来了毁灭性的打击，

a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair,

他很高，像神灵一样， 有一头飘逸的白发，

consisted of him asking me for my middle name

相遇时他询问我的中间名是什么，

so we could fill out a form.

以填在表格上。

Yep, that was it.

是的，就是这样。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I got the fountain pen,

我拿起了那只笔，

but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence

但并未获得我一直在寻找的

I was searching for.

归属感和信心。

Many years later,

多年后，

我无法容忍我的孩子将满13岁，

I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13

without some kind of rite of passage.

却没有举行任何仪式，

So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip,

所以我想出了这个主意—— 十三岁生日之旅。

and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world

我提出带Murphy去

that had meaning for him.

这个世界上任何一个对他有意义的地方。

A budding young naturalist who loved turtles,

作为一个崭露头角 喜欢乌龟的年轻博物学家，

he immediately settled on the Galapagos.

他毫不犹豫地选择了加拉帕戈斯群岛，

And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13,

当我的女儿Katie满13岁时，

she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon,

我们一起在大峡谷底部度过了两周。

where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave.

正是在那儿，Katie第一次 意识到了自己的强大与勇敢，

Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives

在这之后，我的另一半Ashton 还有很多亲朋

have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips,

都带着他们的小孩儿开启了 十三岁生日之旅。

with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent.

无论是大人还是小孩 每个人都能看到它带来的改变，

I wasn't brought up saying grace.

我家并没有饭前祷告的传统，

But for the last 20 years,

但在过去的20年里，

we've been holding hands before every meal.

每次用餐前我们都会牵住彼此的手。

It's a beautiful bit of shared silence

那是寂静又美好的时刻，

that brings us all together in the moment.

我们在那时紧密相依，

Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze,"

Ashton告诉大家， 要紧握彼此，

while she assures them it's not religious.

但她保证这并不带有宗教性质。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So recently, when my family asked me

最近，当我的家人问我，

if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff

我是否能用我一生收集的

250多箱东西做点什么时，

that I've collected over a lifetime,

my ritual-making impulse kicked in.

“举行仪式”的冲动再次涌上心头。

I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning.

我开始想，除去死亡清理， 我还能再做些什么？

"Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets,

“死亡清理”是瑞典的习俗，

your basement and your attic before you die,

在你去世前 你会清理你的壁橱、地下室和阁楼，

so your kids don't have to do it later.

这样你的孩子以后就不用做这些了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I pictured my children opening up box after box

我开始想象我的孩子们 打开一个又一个箱子，

and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff.

猜想我为什么要留着这些物什。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture

我能想象到当他们看着

我和一位妙龄女子的合影时，

of me with a beautiful young woman,

and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?"

满腹疑惑 “和我爸爸在一起的究竟是谁”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And that was the aha moment.

这就是“顿悟时刻”，

It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important;

并非是我留下的东西很重要，

it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning.

它背后的故事才是意义所在。

Could using the objects to tell the stories

是否可以通过讲述它们的故事，

be the seed of a new ritual,

开启一项新仪式，

a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old,

不再是给13岁准备的成人礼，

but for someone much further down the road?

而是为了更年长的人们。

So I started experimenting.

我开始尝试，

I got a few dozen things out of the boxes,

我从箱子里挑选了几十样东西，

I put them about in a room,

将它们摆放在一个房间内，

and I invited people to come in

邀请人们前来，

and ask me about anything that they found interesting.

并询问他们感兴趣的事物。

The results were terrific.

结果非常棒，

A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion,

一段好的故事会激发出 更深入的讨论，

in which my visitors made meaningful connections

让我的访客建立起

to their own lives.

和他们自身息息相关的联系，

Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt

Derrius曾问过我 关于Leonard Peltier T恤的故事，

that I'd worn a lot in the '80s,

我在80年代经常穿它，

that, sadly, is still relevant today.

令人感伤的是， 它与现在仍紧密相连。

Our conversation moved quickly,

我们的对话进展很快，

from a large number of political prisoners in American jails,

从美国监狱中关押的大量政治犯，

to Derrius wondering about the legacy

到Derrius想要了解

of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s,

60年代黑人解放运动的遗留问题，

and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then,

以及如果他在那时就已成年， 而不是30年后，

instead of 30-odd years later.

他的人生将是什么样子，

At the end of our conversation,

在谈话的最后，

Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt.

Derrius问我能否把T恤给他，

And giving it to him felt just about perfect.

我想这可能是最完美的做法。

As these conversations established common ground,

当这些对话建立起共同点，

especially across generations,

特别是跨世纪的共同点，

I realized I was opening a space

我意识到我开拓了一片新天地。

for people to talk about things that really mattered to them.

人们可以谈论他们真正关心的事情，

And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose --

我的人生也有了全新的使命感。

not as the old guy on the way out,

我不再是将要离世的老人，

but as someone with a role to play

而是有角色要扮演的人，

going forward.

在向前迈进，

When I was growing up,

在我小时候，

life ended for most people in their 70s.

大多数人会在70岁逝世，

People are living far longer now,

但是人们的寿命在延长，

and for the first time in human history,

人类史上第一次发现，

it's common for four generations to be living side by side.

四世同堂是一件 很平常的事情，

I'm 71,

我已经71岁了，

and with a bit of luck,

如果幸运的话，

I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me.

我还可以活20年或30年，

Giving away my stuff now

现在就拿出我的收藏，

and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too,

把它们的故事讲述给我的朋友、家人 我甚而希望是陌生人，

seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life.

似乎是进入人生 新阶段的最好方式，

Turns out to be just what I was looking for:

这正是我所找寻的：

a ritual that's less about dying

一个与死亡无关的仪式，

and more about opening the door

敞开大门，

to whatever comes next.

迎接未来，

Thank you.

谢谢你们。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Onward!

继续前行！

(Applause)

（掌声）