A rite of passage for late life | Bob Stein

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Melody Tang

I grew up white, secular and middle class

我是 1950 年代生長在

美國的一個普通的中產階級白人。

in 1950s America.

那意味著，七月四日看煙火，

That meant watching fireworks on the Fourth of July,

trick-or-treating on Halloween

萬聖節玩「不請客就搗蛋」，

and putting presents under a tree at Christmas.

以及聖誕節在聖誕樹下放禮物。

But by the time those traditions got to me,

但那些傳統到了我的年代時，

它們都很空洞、商業化了，

they were hollow, commercial enterprises,

which just left me feeling empty.

只讓我感到空虛。

So from a relatively young age,

所以，從年輕的時候，

I found myself looking to fill an existential hole,

我就開始尋找填補 關於存在的空洞的方法，

to connect with something bigger than myself.

來與某種比我自己 更大的東西連結。

在我的家庭中，已經超過一世紀 沒有舉行（猶太）成年禮了，

There hadn't been a bar mitzvah in my family in over a century,

so I thought I'd take a shot at that --

所以我想我要試試看──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

only to be devastated when my one encounter with the rabbi,

但在遇到拉比時，我整個人垮掉了。

a really tall, godlike figure with flowing white hair,

他的身材很高，外形像神， 有著豐厚的白髮，

consisted of him asking me for my middle name

包括他問我的中間名字是什麼，

so we could fill out a form.

以便填表格。

Yep, that was it.

是的，如此而已。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I got the fountain pen,

我拿到了那隻鋼筆，

but I didn't get the sense of belonging and confidence

但我沒有得到

我所尋找的歸屬感和信心。

I was searching for.

Many years later,

多年後，

I couldn't bear the thought of my son turning 13

我無法忍受我的兒子就要十三歲了，

without some kind of rite of passage.

卻沒有某種成人儀式。

So I came up with the idea of a 13th birthday trip,

所以我想到辦一個 十三歲生日之旅的主意。

and I offered to take Murphy anywhere in the world

我提出要帶墨菲到世界上

that had meaning for him.

任何一個對他有意義的地方。

A budding young naturalist who loved turtles,

熱愛烏龜的他 是個萌芽中的年輕自然主義者，

he immediately settled on the Galapagos.

他馬上選擇了加拉巴哥群島。

And when my daughter, Katie, turned 13,

當我女兒凱蒂十三歲時，

she and I spent two weeks at the bottom of the Grand Canyon,

她和我在大峽谷的底部 待了兩個星期，

where Katie learned for the first time that she was powerful and brave.

在那裡，凱蒂第一次 了解到她很強大且勇敢。

Since then, my partner, Ashton, and lots of our friends and relatives

在那之後，我的另一半艾希頓 以及許多親朋好友，

have taken their kids on 13th birthday trips,

都帶孩子踏上十三歲生日之旅，

with everyone finding it transformative for both the child and the parent.

每個人皆發現此舉讓孩子 與父母都有所改變。

I wasn't brought up saying grace.

我的成長過程沒有飯前禱告。

But for the last 20 years,

但在過去二十年間，

we've been holding hands before every meal.

在每一餐之前我們都會牽起手。

It's a beautiful bit of shared silence

那是分享寂靜的美好時刻，

that brings us all together in the moment.

讓我們在那當下結合在一起。

Ashton tells everyone to "pass the squeeze,"

艾希頓告訴每個人要「傳遞緊握」，

while she assures them it's not religious.

並聲明那不是宗教性質的。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So recently, when my family asked me

最近我家人拜託我

if I could please do something with the more than 250 boxes of stuff

把我一生所收集 超過兩百五十箱的東西

that I've collected over a lifetime,

處理一下時，

my ritual-making impulse kicked in.

我的「舉行儀式」衝動開始運作了。

I started wondering if I could go further than simple death cleaning.

我開始想我能否不單單 只是做「死前整理」。

"Death cleaning" is the Swedish term for clearing out your closets,

「死前整理」是個瑞典用詞， 指的是在死前清理好

your basement and your attic before you die,

你的衣廚、地下室及閣樓。

so your kids don't have to do it later.

你的孩子以後就不用做這些。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I pictured my children opening up box after box

我想像我的孩子 把箱子一箱一箱打開，

and wondering why I'd kept any of that stuff.

納悶我為什麼要留這些東西。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then I imagined them looking at a specific picture

接著，我想像他們看著一張

of me with a beautiful young woman,

我和一位美麗女子的照片，

and asking, "Who on earth is that with Dad?"

問：「和老爸在一起的 這個人到底是誰？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And that was the aha moment.

那是頓悟時刻。

It wasn't the things I'd saved that were important;

並非我保留的東西很重要，

it was the stories that went with them that gave them meaning.

而是它們伴隨的故事所賦予的意義。

Could using the objects to tell the stories

用物品來說故事，

有沒有可能 成為一個新儀式的誕生？

be the seed of a new ritual,

a rite of passage -- not for a 13-year-old,

一個生命過程的儀式── 但不是為十三歲，

but for someone much further down the road?

而是為了我們更老的時候 要舉行的儀式。

So I started experimenting.

我開始做實驗。

I got a few dozen things out of the boxes,

我從箱子中拿出幾十樣東西來，

I put them about in a room,

把它們散在房間各處。

and I invited people to come in

接著我邀請一些人來

and ask me about anything that they found interesting.

問我任何他們感興趣的問題。

The results were terrific.

結果非常棒。

A good story became a launching pad for a much deeper discussion,

一個好故事帶出了更深刻的討論，

in which my visitors made meaningful connections

在討論中，我的訪客 也在他們自己的人生

to their own lives.

做了有意義的連結。

Derrius [Quarles] asked me about a Leonard Peltier T-shirt

德瑞爾斯（奎爾斯）問我 一件倫納德佩爾提爾Ｔ恤的事。

that I'd worn a lot in the '80s,

我在 1980 年代常穿它。

that, sadly, is still relevant today.

令人感傷的是， 它與現今仍然有關聯性。

Our conversation moved quickly,

我們的對話進展很快，

from a large number of political prisoners in American jails,

從美國監獄中大量的政治囚犯，

to Derrius wondering about the legacy

到德瑞爾斯好奇想了解

of the Black Liberation Movement of the '60s,

1960 年代黑人的解放運動。

and how his life might be different if he'd come of age then,

以及如果他在那時就已成年， 而非三十多年後，

instead of 30-odd years later.

他的人生會變什麼樣子。

At the end of our conversation,

在我們的談話尾聲，

Derrius asked me if he could have the T-shirt.

德瑞爾斯問我能否把那件Ｔ恤給他。

And giving it to him felt just about perfect.

我覺得把Ｔ恤給他是最完美的做法。

As these conversations established common ground,

當這些對談建立起了共同點，

especially across generations,

特別是跨世代的共同點，

I realized I was opening a space

我發現我打開了一個空間，

for people to talk about things that really mattered to them.

讓大家來談論 對他們而言重要的事情。

And I started seeing myself with a renewed sense of purpose --

我開始發現我的生命又有意義了──

not as the old guy on the way out,

我不是個將要離世的老人，

but as someone with a role to play

而是個有角色要扮演的人

going forward.

在向前邁進。

When I was growing up,

在我的成長過程，

life ended for most people in their 70s.

大部分人只活到七十幾歲。

People are living far longer now,

現代人活得更久了，

and for the first time in human history,

在人類史上第一次，

it's common for four generations to be living side by side.

四代同堂是常見的狀況。

I'm 71,

我現在七十一歲，

and with a bit of luck,

若運氣不錯，

I've got 20 or 30 more years ahead of me.

我還可以活二十或三十年。

Giving away my stuff now

現在就把我的東西送人，

and sharing it with friends, family, and I hope strangers, too,

分享給我的朋友、 家人，希望也有陌生人，

seems like the perfect way to enter this next stage of my life.

似乎是進入我人生 下個階段的完美方式。

Turns out to be just what I was looking for:

我發現這就是我一直在尋找的：

a ritual that's less about dying

一個儀式，重點不是死亡，

and more about opening the door

而是打開一扇門

to whatever comes next.

通往接下來會發生的事。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Onward!

向前行！

(Applause)

（掌聲）