The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven't met yet | Tanya Menon

I started teaching MBA students

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Qiwen Lu

我教企業管理碩士學生

17 years ago.

有十七年的時間。

Sometimes I run into my students years later.

有時，我會在幾年後巧遇我的學生。

And when I run into them, a funny thing happens.

當我巧遇他們時， 會發生一件有趣的事。

I don't remember just their faces;

我不只記得他們的臉，

I also remember where exactly in the classroom they were sitting.

我還記得他們在教室中 是坐在哪個位置，

And I remember who they were sitting with as well.

以及和誰坐在一起。

This is not because I have any special superpowers of memory.

我能記住這些，

不是因為我有記憶超能力。

The reason I can remember them

是因為他們是習慣性的生物。

is because they are creatures of habit.

They are sitting with their favorite people in their favorite seats.

他們會和最喜歡的人一起坐， 坐在他們最喜歡的座位，

They find their twins, they stay with them for the whole year.

找和自己極相似的人， 一整年都和這些人待在一起。

Now, the danger of this for my students is they're at risk

這情況對我的學生的危險之處在於

他們擔當的風險是

of leaving the university with just a few people

只和極少數與自身非常相像的人 一起離開大學，

who are exactly like them.

They're going to squander their chance for an international, diverse network.

他們將會浪費掉國際性、 多元化網路的機會。

How could this happen to them?

他們怎麼會發生這種事？

My students are open-minded.

我的學生是心胸開放的。

They come to business school precisely so that they can get great networks.

他們來到商學院為的 正是能取得很好的網路。

Now, all of us socially narrow in our lives, in our school, in work,

我們所有人在生活上、在學校、 在工作中的社交都是狹窄的，

and so I want you to think about this one.

所以，我希望你們能想想這一點。

How many of you here brought a friend along for this talk?

在座有多少人，帶了朋友 一起來聽這場演講？

I want you to look at your friend a little bit.

我希望你們能看一下你們的朋友。

Are they of the same nationality as you?

他們的國籍和你相同嗎？

Are they of the same gender as you?

他們的性別和你相同嗎？

Are they of the same race?

他們的種族相同嗎？

Really look at them closely.

真正去近看他們。

Don't they kind of look like you as well?

他們是不是看起來也和你很像？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The muscle people are together,

肌肉發達的人在一起，

and the people with the same hairstyles

還有髮型相同的人，

and the checked shirts.

都穿格子上衣的人。

We all do this in life.

我們在人生中都會這麼做。

We all do it in life, and in fact, there's nothing wrong with this.

我們在人生中都會這麼做， 事實上，這並沒有什麼不好。

It makes us comfortable to be around people who are similar.

和相似的人在一起讓我們感到舒服。

The problem is when we're on a precipice, right?

當我們在危急處境中時 才會有問題，對嗎？

When we're in trouble, when we need new ideas,

當我們有麻煩時，需要新點子時，

when we need new jobs, when we need new resources --

需要新工作時，需要新資源時──

this is when we really pay a price for living in a clique.

這時，身在小團體中， 就會要付出代價。

Mark Granovetter, the sociologist, had a famous paper

社會學家馬克格蘭諾維特 有一篇著名的論文，

"The Strength of Weak Ties,"

叫「弱連結的力量」，

and what he did in this paper is he asked people

他在這篇論文中做的是去問人們

how they got their jobs.

他們如何得到他們的工作。

And what he learned was that most people don't get their jobs

他發現大部分的人 不是從他們的強連結

through their strong ties -- their father, their mother, their significant other.

──父親、母親、另一半── 得到工作，

They instead get jobs through weak ties, people who they just met.

而是從弱連結 ──剛認識的人──得到工作。

So if you think about what the problem is with your strong ties,

所以，如果你要思考 強連結的問題在哪，

think about your significant other, for example.

想想比如你的另一半。

The network is redundant.

這網路是多餘的。

Everybody that they know, you know.

他們認識的人，你也都認識。

Or I hope you know them. Right?

我希望你認識他們，對吧？

Your weak ties -- people you just met today --

你的弱連結──你今天才認識的人──

they are your ticket to a whole new social world.

他們是讓你通往 全新社交世界的門票。

The thing is that we have this amazing ticket to travel our social worlds,

問題是，我們有這張很棒的門票， 可以遨遊我們的社交世界，

but we don't use it very well.

但我們沒有好好用它。

Sometimes we stay awfully close to home.

有時，我們待在離家非常近的地方。

And today, what I want to talk about is:

今天，我想要談的是這個：

What are those habits that keep human beings so close to home,

是什麼習慣讓人類持續 待在離家近的地方，

and how can we be a little bit more intentional

以及我們要如何更刻意一點

about traveling our social universe?

去遊遍我們的社交宇宙？

So let's look at the first strategy.

讓我們先來談第一條策略。

The first strategy is to use a more imperfect social search engine.

第一條策略是要用更多 不完美的社交搜尋引擎。

What I mean by a social search engine

我所謂的社交搜尋引擎

is how you are finding and filtering your friends.

是你如何找到和篩選你的朋友。

And so people always tell me,

人們總是告訴我：

"I want to get lucky through the network.

「我想要透過網路來走運。

I want to get a new job. I want to get a great opportunity."

我想要找份新工作。 我想要有很好的機會。」

And I say, "Well, that's really hard,

我說：「嗯，那真的很難，

because your networks are so fundamentally predictable."

因為你的網路基本上 是非常可預測的。」

Map out your habitual daily footpath,

畫出你習慣的日常路徑，

and what you'll probably discover is that you start at home,

你很可能會發現，你從家裡開始，

you go to your school or your workplace,

你去上學或上班，

you maybe go up the same staircase or elevator,

你可能會從同樣的樓梯或電梯上樓，

you go to the bathroom -- the same bathroom --

你去廁所，同一間廁所，

and the same stall in that bathroom,

用那廁所的同一隔間，

you end up in the gym,

你最後到了健身房，

then you come right back home.

然後你就回家了。

It's like stops on a train schedule.

就像火車靠站時刻表一樣。

It's that predictable.

就是那麼可預測。

It's efficient, but the problem is, you're seeing exactly the same people.

它很有效率，但問題是， 你遇見的人都一樣。

Make your network slightly more inefficient.

讓你的網路稍微不要那麼有效率。

Go to a bathroom on a different floor.

去不同樓層的廁所。

You encounter a whole new network of people.

你會遇到一個全新的人脈網路。

The other side of it is how we are actually filtering.

它的另一面，是我們 實際上做篩選的方式。

And we do this automatically.

我們會自動篩選。

The minute we meet someone, we are looking at them, we meet them,

在我們見到一個人時， 我們會看他們，見到他們，

we are initially seeing,

我們一開始就會看到：

"You're interesting."

「你很有趣。」

"You're not interesting." "You're relevant."

「你不有趣。」「你很重要。」

We do this automatically. We can't even help it.

我們會自動做這件事。 我們無法控制。

And what I want to encourage you to do instead is to fight your filters.

我想要鼓勵各位做的是， 對抗你的篩選器。

I want you to take a look around this room,

我希望你們能環視一下這間房間，

and I want you to identify the least interesting person that you see,

我希望你們找出 你所看見最無趣的人，

and I want you to connect with them over the next coffee break.

我希望你們能在下次 休息時間去和他們做連結。

And I want you to go even further than that.

我希望你們還能做更多。

What I want you to do is find the most irritating person you see as well

我也希望你們能去找到 你們所看見最惱人的人，

and connect with them.

去與他們做連結。

What you are doing with this exercise is you are forcing yourself

做這項練習的目的是要強迫你自己

to see what you don't want to see,

去看見你不想看見的，

to connect with who you don't want to connect with,

去和你不想連結的人連結，

to widen your social world.

去拓寬你的社交世界。

To truly widen, what we have to do is,

要真正拓寬，我們得要做的是，

we've got to fight our sense of choice.

我們得要對抗我們對選擇的感受。

We've got to fight our choices.

我們得要對抗我們的選擇。

And my students hate this, but you know what I do?

我的學生很討厭這樣， 但猜猜我怎麼做？

I won't let them sit in their favorite seats.

我不讓他們坐在他們最愛的位子。

I move them around from seat to seat.

我讓他們一直換位子坐。

I force them to work with different people

我強迫他們去和不同的人合作，

so there are more accidental bumps in the network

在網路中就會有更意外的顛簸起伏，

where people get a chance to connect with each other.

讓人們有機會可以彼此連結。

And we studied exactly this kind of an intervention at Harvard University.

我們在哈佛大學就是 在研究這種干預方法。

At Harvard, when you look at the rooming groups,

在哈佛，如果去看住宿的團體，

there's freshman rooming groups, people are not choosing those roommates.

會有新鮮人住宿團體， 人們不選擇室友。

They're of all different races, all different ethnicities.

他們都是不同的種族、不同的人種。

Maybe people are initially uncomfortable with those roommates,

許多人一開始對自己的 室友感到不舒服，

but the amazing thing is,

但，讓人驚奇的是，

at the end of a year with those students,

在年末，那些學生

they're able to overcome that initial discomfort.

能夠克服一開始的不舒服。

They're able to find deep-level commonalities with people.

他們能在人身上找到 更深層的共同性。

So the takeaway here is not just "take someone out to coffee."

這裡要給各位的訊息不只是 「找人出去喝杯咖啡」。

It's a little more subtle.

還要更微妙一點。

It's "go to the coffee room."

是「去咖啡廳」。

When researchers talk about social hubs,

當研究者談論社交中心時　，

what makes a social hub so special is you can't choose;

社交中心之所以特別， 就是因為你無法選擇；

you can't predict who you're going to meet in that place.

你無法預測你在那個地方會遇見誰。

And so with these social hubs, the paradox is, interestingly enough,

關於這些社交中心， 有趣的是一個矛盾：

to get randomness,

若要有隨機性，

it requires, actually, some planning.

需要的其實是規劃。

In one university that I worked at,

在我工作的其中一間大學，

there was a mail room on every single floor.

在每層樓都有一間收發室。

What that meant is that the only people who would bump into each other

那就意味著，會巧遇到的人都只有

are those who are actually on that floor

在同一層樓的人，

and who are bumping into each other anyway.

而他們本來就會遇見彼此。

在我工作的另一間大學， 只有一間收發室，

At another university I worked at, there was only one mail room,

so all the faculty from all over that building

所以整棟大樓所有的教職員

would run into each other in that social hub.

就會在那社交中心巧遇彼此。

A simple change in planning,

在規劃上做個簡單的改變，

a huge difference in the traffic of people

就能對人的交流及網路中的意外巧遇

and the accidental bumps in the network.

造成很大的不同。

Here's my question for you:

我想要問各位的問題是：

What are you doing that breaks you from your social habits?

你能做什麼，來讓你 脫離你的社交習慣？

Where do you find yourself

你在什麼地方

in places where you get injections of unpredictable diversity?

能夠被注入無法預測的多樣性？

And my students give me some wonderful examples.

我的學生給了我一些很棒的例子。

They tell me when they're doing pickup basketball games,

他們告訴我：在比賽籃球時，

or my favorite example is when they go to a dog park.

和我最愛的例子──去公園遛狗時。

They tell me it's even better than online dating when they're there.

他們告訴我，在那裡 甚至比線上約會還要更好。

So the real thing that I want you to think about

我真正希望各位去思考，

is we've got to fight our filters.

我們得要對抗我們的篩選器。

We've got to make ourselves a little more inefficient,

我們得要讓自己不那麼有效率，

and by doing so, we are creating a more imprecise social search engine.

這麼做時，我們就是在創造 一個不那麼精準的社交搜尋引擎。

And you're creating that randomness,

你是在創造隨機性，

that luck that is going to cause you to widen your travels,

它就是運氣，能拓展你在社交宇宙中

through your social universe.

所旅行的範圍。

But in fact, there's more to it than that.

但，事實上，不只是如此。

Sometimes we actually buy ourselves a second-class ticket

有時，我們真的會買到二等艙的票，

to travel our social universe.

在我們的社交宇宙中旅行。

We are not courageous when we reach out to people.

當我們接觸別人時，我們不夠勇敢。

Let me give you an example of that.

讓我舉個例子。

A few years ago, I had a very eventful year.

幾年前，我有一年遇到非常多事。

That year, I managed to lose a job,

那一年，我失去了一個工作，

I managed to get a dream job overseas and accept it,

在海外得到了一個 夢想的工作，且我接受了，

I had a baby the next month,

再下一個月我生了孩子，

I got very sick,

我病得非常重，

I was unable to take the dream job.

我無法去接那份夢想的工作。

And so in a few weeks, what ended up happening was,

所以，在僅僅幾週， 最後發生的結果是，

I lost my identity as a faculty member,

我失去了教職員的身份，

and I got a very stressful new identity as a mother.

我得了到一個非常 有壓力的新身份：母親。

What I also got was tons of advice from people.

我還得到了人們給的一大堆意見。

And the advice I despised more than any other advice was,

在所有意見中，我最鄙視的一則是：

"You've got to go network with everybody."

「你得要去和大家建立網路。」

When your psychological world is breaking down,

當你的精神世界在崩壞時，

the hardest thing to do is to try and reach out

最困難的事就是試著向外伸出手，

and build up your social world.

建立你的社交世界。

And so we studied exactly this idea on a much larger scale.

所以，我們更大規模地 探究了這個想法。

What we did was we looked at high and low socioeconomic status people,

我們的做法是，我們去看 社會經濟地位高與低的人，

and we looked at them in two situations.

我們在兩種情況下去看他們。

We looked at them first in a baseline condition,

我們先在基線條件下去看他們，

when they were quite comfortable.

也就是他們很舒適的時候。

And what we found was that our lower socioeconomic status people,

我們發現，社會經濟地位較低的人

when they were comfortable, were actually reaching out to more people.

在舒適的時候，其實比較 會向外接觸更多的人。

They thought of more people.

他們會去想更多的人。

They were also less constrained in how they were networking.

他們在建立網路上比較沒有受限制。

They were thinking of more diverse people

比起高社會經濟地位的人，

than the higher-status people.

他們會去想更多樣化的人。

Then we asked them to think about maybe losing a job.

接著，我們要他們去想像 可能失去工作的情況。

We threatened them.

我們威脅他們。

And once they thought about that,

一旦他們有那樣的想法，

the networks they generated completely differed.

他們產生出的網路就全然不同了。

The lower socioeconomic status people reached inwards.

社會經濟地位較低的人 會向內接觸人。

They thought of fewer people.

他們會去想的人比較少。

They thought of less-diverse people.

他們會去想的人比較不多樣化。

The higher socioeconomic status people thought of more people,

社會經濟地位較高的人 會去想比較多的人，

they thought of a broader network,

他們會去想比較廣的網路，

they were positioning themselves to bounce back from that setback.

他們會把自己放在受挫 之後重整旗鼓的位置。

Let's consider what this actually means.

讓我們來想想這到底是什麼意思。

Imagine that you were being spontaneously unfriended

想像一下，你被你網路中的所有人都

by everyone in your network

自發性地解除朋友關係，

other than your mom, your dad and your dog.

只剩下你的媽媽、爸爸，和你的狗。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

This is essentially what we are doing

基本上，這就是我們在

at these moments when we need our networks the most.

最需要網路的時刻所做的事。

Imagine -- this is what we're doing. We're doing it to ourselves.

想像一下──這就是我們在做的， 我們對自己做的事。

We are mentally compressing our networks

我們在心理上壓縮我們的網路，

when we are being harassed, when we are being bullied,

當我們被騷擾時，當我們被霸凌時，

when we are threatened about losing a job,

當我們被威脅會失去工作時，

when we feel down and weak.

當我們感到消沉且 軟弱時，就會發生。

We are closing ourselves off, isolating ourselves,

我們把自己封閉，把自己孤立，

creating a blind spot where we actually don't see our resources.

創造出一個盲點， 讓我們看不見我們的資源。

We don't see our allies, we don't see our opportunities.

看不見我們的盟友， 看不見我們的機會。

How can we overcome this?

我們要如何克服這狀況？

Two simple strategies.

有兩項簡單的策略。

One strategy is simply to look at your list of Facebook friends

其一很簡單，就是去看 你的臉書朋友名單，

and LinkedIn friends

還有 LinkedIn，

just so you remind yourself of people who are there

讓你能夠提醒自己，除了自動出現在

beyond those that automatically come to mind.

你腦海中的人之外，還有別人在。

And in our own research, one of the things we did was,

在我們自己的研究中， 我們做的其中一件事是

we considered Claude Steele's research on self-affirmation:

我們從自我肯定的角度 來思考克勞德斯蒂爾的研究：

simply thinking about your own values,

只要想想你自己的價值，

networking from a place of strength.

從一個有力量的地方建立網路。

What Leigh Thompson, Hoon-Seok Choi and I were able to do is,

邁克湯普森、崔勳石， 和我一起做的是，

we found that people who had affirmed themselves first

我們發現，先肯定自己的人，

were able to take advice from people

能夠接受別人的意見，

who would otherwise be threatening to them.

其他情況下，給意見者 會被視為威脅。

Here's a last exercise.

以下是最後一個練習。

I want you to look in your email in-box,

我希望各位去看看 自己的電子郵件收件匣，

and I want you to look at the last time you asked somebody for a favor.

找出最近一次你請 別人幫忙是什麼時候。

And I want you to look at the language that you used.

請看看你所使用的表意方式。

Did you say things like,

你是否有說這類的話：

"Oh, you're a great resource,"

「你是很棒的資源。」

or "I owe you one,"

或「我欠你一個人情。」

"I'm obligated to you."

「我對你有義務。」

All of this language represents a metaphor.

所有這些表意方式 背後都有一個象徵。

It's a metaphor of economics,

那象徵就是經濟、

of a balance sheet, of accounting,

資產負債表、會計、

of transactions.

交易。

And when we think about human relations in a transactional way,

如果你用交易的方式 來看待人際關係，

it is fundamentally uncomfortable to us as human beings.

對我們人類而言， 從根本上就會覺得不舒服。

We must think about human relations and reaching out to people

我們應該要用更人性的 方式，來看待人際關係

in more humane ways.

及向外去接觸人。

Here's an idea as to how to do so.

至於要怎麼做，這裡有個想法。

Look at words like "please," "thank you," "you're welcome" in other languages.

看看像「請」、「謝謝你」、「不 客氣」這些詞在其他語言怎麼說。

Look at the literal translation of these words.

看看這些詞的字面翻譯。

Each of these words is a word that helps us impose upon other people

這每一個詞，都是在協助我們利用

社交網路中的其他人。

in our social networks.

And so, the word "thank you,"

所以，針對「謝謝你」這個詞，

if you look at it in Spanish, Italian, French,

它們在西班牙文、 義大利文、法文分別是

"gracias," "grazie," "merci" in French.

「gracias」、「grazie」， 以及「merci」。

Each of them are "grace" and "mercy."

意思都是「優雅」和「慈悲」。

They are godly words.

它們是虔誠的詞。

There's nothing economic or transactional about those words.

這些詞沒有任何經濟或交易的元素。

The word "you're welcome" is interesting.

「不客氣」這個詞很有趣。

The great persuasion theorist Robert Cialdini says

偉大的說服理論學家 羅伯特喬爾第尼說：

we've got to get our favors back.

我們得把人情要回來。

So we need to emphasize the transaction a little bit more.

所以我們得要多強調一點交易。

He says, "Let's not say 'You're welcome.'

他說：「讓我們別說『不客氣』」。

Instead say, 'I know you'd do the same for me.'"

改成「我知道換成你 也會為我這麼做。」

But sometimes it may be helpful to not think in transactional ways,

但，有時，不用交易的方式 來思考，可能會比較有幫助，

to eliminate the transaction, to make it a little bit more invisible.

把交易元素除去，讓它更不顯眼。

And in fact, if you look in Chinese,

事實上，如果看中文怎麼說，

the word "bú kè qì" in Chinese, "You're welcome," means,

「不客氣」在中文的意思是

"Don't be formal; we're family. We don't need to go through those formalities."

「別這麼拘泥禮節，我們是一家人， 不需要這些禮節形式。」

And "kembali" in Indonesian is "Come back to me."

在印尼語中「kembali」的 意思是「回來我這裡」。

When you say "You're welcome" next time,

下次當你要說「不客氣」時，

think about how you can maybe eliminate the transaction

想想看你可以如何 除去一些交易元素，

and instead strengthen that social tie.

改成加強社交連結。

Maybe "It's great to collaborate," or "That's what friends are for."

也許說「能一起合作很棒」， 或「朋友不就該如此嗎」。

I want you to think about how you think about this ticket that you have

我希望各位能思考一下 要怎麼用你手上的這張票，

to travel your social universe.

在你的社交宇宙中旅行。

Here's one metaphor.

以下是一個比喻。

It's a common metaphor: "Life is a journey." Right?

它是常見的比喻： 「人生是一趟旅程。」對吧？

It's a train ride,

它是趟火車旅程，

and you're a passenger on the train,

你是火車上的一名乘客，

and there are certain people with you.

有些人和你在一起。

Certain people get on this train,

有些人會搭上這台火車，

and some stay with you, some leave at different stops,

有些人會留下， 有些人會在不同的站下車，

new ones may enter.

可能有新乘客上車。

I love this metaphor, it's a beautiful one.

我喜歡這個比喻，它很美麗。

But I want you to consider a different metaphor.

但我希望各位能想想另一個比喻。

This one is passive, being a passenger on that train,

身為火車乘客的這個比喻很被動，

and it's quite linear.

且它是很線性的。

You're off to some particular destination.

你要前往特定的目的地。

Why not instead think of yourself

為什麼不改個方式，把你自己想成

as an atom,

一個原子，

bumping up against other atoms,

和其他原子碰撞，

maybe transferring energy with them,

也許和它們一起傳送能量，

bonding with them a little

和它們結合一下，

and maybe creating something new

也許在你的社交宇宙中

on your travels through the social universe.

旅行時，創造出新東西來。

Thank you so much.

非常謝謝。

And I hope we bump into each other again.

我希望我們有機會再次碰撞。

(Applause)

（掌聲）