My identity is a superpower -- not an obstacle | America Ferrera | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Tina Liang

On the red tiles in my family's den

在我家書齋的紅地磚上，

I would dance and sing to the made-for-TV movie "Gypsy,"

我會在那裡邊播放電視電影 《星夢不了情》邊跟著唱跳起來，

starring Bette Midler.

這部片是由貝蒂蜜勒主演。

(Singing) "I had a dream.

（唱歌）「我有一個夢想。

A wonderful dream, papa."

一個美好的夢想，爸爸。」

I would sing it with the urgency and the burning desire of a nine-year-old

我唱這首歌時，還懷著 九歲孩子的急迫和熱切欲望，

who did, in fact, have a dream.

那時，我的確有一個夢想。

My dream was to be an actress.

我的夢想是要成為演員。

And it's true that I never saw anyone who looked like me

的確，我從來沒有在電視或電影上

in television or in films,

看到任何長得像我這樣的人，

and sure, my family and friends and teachers all constantly warned me

而且，當然，我的家人、 朋友、老師都經常告誡我，

that people like me didn't make it in Hollywood.

像我這樣的人在好萊塢 是混不下去的。

But I was an American.

但我是美國人。

I had been taught to believe that anyone could achieve anything,

我被教導的是：要相信 任何人都可以成就任何事，

regardless of the color of their skin,

不論他們的皮膚是什麼顏色，

the fact that my parents immigrated from Honduras,

無論我的父母是宏都拉斯移民，

the fact that I had no money.

無論我沒有錢。

I didn't need my dream to be easy,

我並不要求我的夢想 要很容易實現，

I just needed it to be possible.

我只需要它有實現的可能性。

And when I was 15,

我十五歲時，

I got my first professional audition.

得到了我人生的 第一個專業試鏡機會。

It was a commercial for cable subscriptions

那是一支電視廣告， 內容是關於申請有線電視，

or bail bonds, I don't really remember.

或保釋保證書，我不太記得了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

What I do remember is that the casting director asked me,

我還記得的是，選角導演問我：

"Could you do that again, but just this time, sound more Latina."

「妳能不能再做一次剛才的表演，

只是這次要聽起來 更拉丁裔女性一點？」

"Um, OK.

「喔，好。

So you want me to do it in Spanish?" I asked.

所以你是希望我說 西班牙語嗎？」我問。

"No, no, do it in English, just sound Latina."

「不，不。說英文， 但要聽起來更像拉丁裔女性一點。」

"Well, I am a Latina, so isn't this what a Latina sounds like?"

「嗯，我是拉丁裔女性， 我聽起來不像拉丁裔女性嗎？」

There was a long and awkward silence,

接著是一段又長又尷尬的沉默，

and then finally,

接著，終於：

"OK, sweetie, never mind, thank you for coming in, bye!"

「好，親愛的，無所謂， 謝謝妳來，掰！」

It took me most of the car ride home to realize that by "sound more Latina"

我開車回家時，幾乎一路 都在想，終於明白了

她說「聽起來更拉丁裔女性」 其實意思是要我說爛英文。

she was asking me to speak in broken English.

And I couldn't figure out why the fact

而我不能理解為什麼

that I was an actual, real-life, authentic Latina

我明明就是貨真價實的 拉丁裔女性，

didn't really seem to matter.

這點卻似乎不重要。

Anyway, I didn't get the job.

總之，我沒拿到那個角色。

I didn't get a lot of the jobs people were willing to see me for:

很多人希望我扮演的角色， 我都沒有拿到：

the gang-banger's girlfriend,

少年幫派份子的女友、

the sassy shoplifter,

蠻橫的商店扒手、

pregnant chola number two.

拉美混血孕婦二號。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

These were the kinds of roles that existed for someone like me.

這些角色就是 為我這種人而存在的。

Someone they looked at and saw as too brown, too fat,

被他們視為是太褐色、太肥胖、

too poor, too unsophisticated.

太貧窮、太不精明的人。

These roles were stereotypes

這些角色都是刻板印象，

and couldn't have been further from my own reality

跟我自己的現實相差十萬八千里，

or from the roles I dreamt of playing.

也和我夢想飾演的角色 相差十萬八千里。

I wanted to play people who were complex and multidimensional,

我想要演出複雜、多層次的人，

people who existed in the center of their own lives.

有屬於自己生活的人，

Not cardboard cutouts that stood in the background of someone else's.

而不是在別人生活裡 當背景中的人型立牌。

But when I dared to say that to my manager --

但，當我敢這樣 跟我的經紀人說時——

that's the person I pay to help me find opportunity --

我的經紀人就是拿我的錢 協助我找到機會的那個人——

his response was,

他的回應是：

"Someone has to tell that girl she has unrealistic expectations."

「得要有人告訴這個女孩， 她的期望很不切實際。」

And he wasn't wrong.

他並沒有說錯。

I mean, I fired him, but he wasn't wrong.

我還是開除了他， 但他並沒有說錯。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Because whenever I did try to get a role that wasn't a poorly written stereotype,

因為，每當我試著爭取不是 刻板印象又寫得很差的角色時，

I would hear,

我都會聽到：

"We're not looking to cast this role diversely."

「我們並沒有打算為這個角色 做多樣性的選角。」

Or, "We love her, but she's too specifically ethnic."

或「我們很喜歡她， 但她的種族太明顯了。」

Or, "Unfortunately, we already have one Latino in this movie."

或「不幸的是，我們這部電影中 已經有一個拉丁美洲裔的人了。」

I kept receiving the same message again and again and again.

我一而再再而三地 接收到同樣的訊息。

That my identity was an obstacle I had to overcome.

這個訊息就是：我的身分 是我必須要克服的障礙。

And so I thought,

所以，我心想：

"Come at me, obstacle.

「放馬過來吧，障礙。

I'm an American. My name is America.

我是美國人。我的名字 叫艾美莉卡（美國）。

I trained my whole life for this, I'll just follow the playbook,

我一生都在為此做準備， 我要照著遊戲規則來玩，

I'll work harder."

我會加倍努力。」

And so I did, I worked my hardest

所以，我的確這麼做了， 我盡了最大努力

to overcome all the things that people said were wrong with me.

去克服所有別人認為 我有問題的地方。

I stayed out of the sun so that my skin wouldn't get too brown,

我不曬太陽，以免 我的皮膚變得太褐色，

I straightened my curls into submission.

我把我的捲髮弄直。

I constantly tried to lose weight,

我經常試圖減重，

I bought fancier and more expensive clothes.

我買了更炫、更貴的衣服。

All so that when people looked at me,

都是為了當別人看著我時，

they wouldn't see a too fat, too brown, too poor Latina.

他們看到的不是個太肥胖、 太褐色、太貧窮的拉丁裔女性。

They would see what I was capable of.

希望這樣他們會看到我的能力。

And maybe they would give me a chance.

也許這樣他們就會給我一個機會。

And in an ironic twist of fate,

在一次很諷刺的命運轉折中，

when I finally did get a role that would make all my dreams come true,

我終於得到了能讓 我所有夢想實現的角色，

it was a role that required me to be exactly who I was.

這個角色需要我 扮演的正是我自己。

Ana in "Real Women Have Curves"

在《曲線窈窕非夢事》的安娜

was a brown, poor, fat Latina.

是個褐色皮膚、貧窮、 肥胖的拉丁裔女性。

I had never seen anyone like her, anyone like me,

我從沒看過像她這樣的人， 或像我這樣的人，

existing in the center of her own life story.

擁有自己的人生故事。

I traveled throughout the US

配合這部片子，我行遍 美國各地，以及許多國家，

and to multiple countries with this film

where people, regardless of their age, ethnicity, body type,

在那裡，不論他們的年紀、 種族、身形的人，

saw themselves in Ana.

都在安娜身上看見他們自己。

A 17-year-old chubby Mexican American girl

安娜是位豐滿的十七歲 墨西哥裔美國女孩，

struggling against cultural norms to fulfill her unlikely dream.

努力對抗文化規範， 想要實現不太可能實現的夢想。

In spite of what I had been told my whole life,

不論我跟大家 都是怎麼說我人生的，

I saw firsthand that people actually did want to see stories about people like me.

我親眼所見，

大家真的想要看我這種人的故事。

And that my unrealistic expectations

而我不切實際的期望是：

to see myself authentically represented in the culture

希望在文化中看到我真實的 自己被呈現出來，

were other people’s expectations, too.

這期望竟然也是其他人的期望。

"Real Women Have Curves"

《曲線窈窕非夢事》

was a critical, cultural and financial success.

在評論上、文化上， 和財務上都很成功。

"Great," I thought, "We did it!

「好極了，」我心想： 「我們辦到了！

We proved our stories have value.

我們證明了我們的故事有價值。

Things are going to change now."

現在一切都會改變了。」

But I watched as very little happened.

但我看到的卻是， 沒有什麼改變發生。

There was no watershed.

沒有分水嶺。

No one in the industry was rushing to tell more stories

這個產業中沒有人急著 要說出更多這種故事，

about the audience that was hungry and willing to pay to see them.

那種觀眾渴望看到 且願意花錢去看的故事。

Four years later, when I got to play Ugly Betty,

四年後，我在 《醜女貝蒂》中演出，

I saw the same phenomenon play out.

我看到同樣的現象上演。

"Ugly Betty" premiered in the US to 16 million viewers

《醜女貝蒂》在美國初次上演時， 有一千六百萬觀影人次，

and was nominated for 11 Emmys in its first year.

且第一年就得到了 十一項艾美獎提名。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

But in spite of "Ugly Betty's" success,

但，儘管《醜女貝蒂》很成功，

there would not be another television show

後來一直都沒有 另一部由拉丁裔女演員

led by a Latina actress

主演的電視影集

on American television for eight years.

出現在美國電視台上， 足足八年之久。

It's been 12 years

這十二年來，

since I became the first and only Latina

我是第一個也是 唯一一個拉丁裔女演員

to ever win an Emmy in a lead category.

在艾美獎贏得主角的獎項。

That is not a point of pride.

那並不讓我感到驕傲，

That is a point of deep frustration.

我感到的是挫折。

Not because awards prove our worth,

並不是因為獎項能證明 我們是值得的，

but because who we see thriving in the world

而是因為我們認定 在這個世界上成功的人，

teaches us how to see ourselves,

教導我們如何看待我們自己、

how to think about our own value,

如何思考我們自己的價值，

how to dream about our futures.

如何夢想我們的未來。

And anytime I begin to doubt that,

每當我開始質疑那些時，

I remember that there was a little girl, living in the Swat Valley of Pakistan.

我就會回想有個小女孩 住在巴基斯坦斯瓦特山谷。

And somehow, she got her hands on some DVDs

因為某些原因，她拿到了

of an American television show

一些美國電視節目的 DVD，

in which she saw her own dream of becoming a writer reflected.

在這些節目中，她看見自己 成為作家的夢想被反映出來。

In her autobiography, Malala wrote,

在馬拉拉的自傳中，她寫道：

"I had become interested in journalism

「我之所以會對新聞感興趣，

after seeing how my own words could make a difference

是因為看到我自己的 文字能造成不同，

and also from watching the "Ugly Betty" DVDs

以及看了《醜女貝蒂》DVD

about life at an American magazine."

裡面講到在美國雜誌社的生活。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

For 17 years of my career,

在我十七年的職涯中，

I have witnessed the power our voices have

我見證過，當我們的聲音 能夠進入到文化中時，

when they can access presence in the culture.

會有多強大的力量。

I've seen it.

我見識過。

I've lived it, we've all seen it.

我經歷過，我們都見識過。

In entertainment, in politics,

在娛樂中、在政治中、

in business, in social change.

在商業中、在社會改變中。

We cannot deny it -- presence creates possibility.

我們無法否認—— 存在就會創造出可能性。

But for the last 17 years,

但，在過去十七年間，

I've also heard the same excuses

我也聽到了同樣的藉口，

for why some of us can access presence in the culture

解釋為什麼我們有些人 能夠進入文化中，

and some of us can't.

有些人則不能。

Our stories don't have an audience,

我們的故事沒有觀眾，

our experiences won't resonate in the mainstream,

我們的經歷在主流中得不到共鳴，

our voices are too big a financial risk.

我們的聲音是太高的財務風險。

Just a few years ago, my agent called

幾年前，我的經紀人打電話給我，

to explain to me why I wasn't getting a role in a movie.

向我解釋我為什麼沒有 拿到一部電影的角色。

He said, "They loved you

他說：「他們很喜歡妳，

and they really, really do want to cast diversely,

他們真的真的希望 能做多樣化的選角，

but the movie isn't financeable until they cast the white role first."

但在他們要先幫白人角色找到人選 之後，才會有錢拍這部片。」

He delivered the message with a broken heart

他傳達這個訊息時，心都碎了，

and with a tone that communicated, "I understand how messed up this is."

他的調語彷彿在說 「我知道這有多鳥」。

But nonetheless, just like hundreds of times before,

但，仍然，就像過去的 數百次經歷一樣，

I felt the tears roll down my face.

我感覺到眼淚沿著臉頰滑落。

And the pang of rejection rise up in me

我內心受到被拒絕的痛苦煎熬，

and then the voice of shame scolding me,

接著，羞恥的聲音開始責罵我：

"You are a grown woman, stop crying over a job."

「妳是成年女子了， 別再為一份工作哭泣。」

I went through this process for years of accepting the failure as my own

我花了數年才走過這個過程： 接受我自己的失敗，

and then feeling deep shame that I couldn't overcome the obstacles.

接著因為我無法克服障礙 而感到很深的羞恥。

But this time, I heard a new voice.

但這一次，我聽見了新聲音。

A voice that said, "I'm tired.

這個聲音說：「我累了。

I've had enough."

我受夠了。」

A voice that understood

這個聲音了解

my tears and my pain were not about losing a job.

我會流淚、我會痛苦 都不是因為失掉了工作。

They were about what was actually being said about me.

真正的原因是別人說的 那些話，關於我的話，

What had been said about me my whole life

我一生中聽到那些關於我的話。

by executives and producers

這些話來自監製、製片、

and directors and writers and agents and managers

導演、編劇、經紀人、經理、

and teachers and friends and family.

老師、朋友、家人。

That I was a person of less value.

他們說我這個人的價值比較低。

I thought sunscreen and straightening irons

我以為防曬乳和燙直頭髮

would bring about change in this deeply entrenched value system.

能夠為這個根深蒂固的 價值系統帶來改變。

But what I realized in that moment

但在那一刻，我領悟到，

was that I was never actually asking the system to change.

我從來就不是在 要求這個系統改變。

I was asking it to let me in, and those aren't the same thing.

我是在要求它讓我進入， 這是不一樣的。

I couldn't change what a system believed about me,

我無法改變系統相信 我是什麼樣子，

while I believed what the system believed about me.

倘若我相信我就是 系統相信的那個樣子。

And I did.

我確實這樣。

I, like everyone around me,

我和我身邊的所有人一樣，

believed that it wasn't possible for me to exist in my dream as I was.

相信我不可能用我真實的樣貌 去實現我的夢想。

And I went about trying to make myself invisible.

而我試著讓我自己隱形。

What this revealed to me was that it is possible

這讓我了解到的是，的確有可能

to be the person who genuinely wants to see change

成為一個真正想要看見改變的人，

while also being the person whose actions keep things the way they are.

同時行為上卻仍然讓一切照舊。

And what it's led me to believe is that change isn't going to come

它讓我相信，找出誰是好人、

誰是壞人並不會帶來改變。

by identifying the good guys and the bad guys.

That conversation lets us all off the hook.

那樣的談話是讓我們所有人脫身。

Because most of us are neither one of those.

因為我們大部分人 既不是好人也不是壞人。

Change will come

改變會到來，

when each of us has the courage

當我們每個人都有勇氣

to question our own fundamental values and beliefs.

去質疑我們自己的 基礎價值和信念。

And then see to it that our actions lead to our best intentions.

接著確保我們的行為 會導致我們最好的意圖。

I am just one of millions of people

我只是一個人，還有數百萬人

who have been told that in order to fulfill my dreams,

也曾經被告知過， 如果要實現夢想，

in order to contribute my talents to the world

如果要將自己的才華貢獻給世界，

I have to resist the truth of who I am.

就必須要抗拒真實的自己。

I for one, am ready to stop resisting

我就已經準備好要停止抗拒，

and to start existing as my full and authentic self.

開始扮演最完整、最真實的自我。

If I could go back and say anything

如果我能夠回到過去，

to that nine-year-old, dancing in the den, dreaming her dreams,

對那位在書齋跳舞、 懷抱自己夢想的九歲孩子說話，

I would say,

我會說：

my identity is not my obstacle.

我的身分不是我的障礙。

My identity is my superpower.

我的身分是我的超能力。

Because the truth is,

因為，真相是，

I am what the world looks like.

我就是世界看起來的樣子。

You are what the world looks like.

你就是世界看起來的樣子。

Collectively, we are what the world actually looks like.

我們大家就是世界看起來的樣子。

And in order for our systems to reflect that,

要讓我們的系統能反映出這一點，

they don't have to create a new reality.

它們不需要創造出新的現實。

They just have to stop resisting the one we already live in.

它們必須要停止抗拒我們 已經身在其中的那個現實。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）