How we talk about sexual assault online | Ione Wells

譯者: Debra Liu 審譯者: SF Huang

It was April, last year.

去年四月，

I was on an evening out with friends

晚上我和幾個朋友出去聚餐，

to celebrate one of their birthdays.

幫其中的一位友人慶生。

We hadn't been all together for a couple of weeks;

我們好幾個禮拜沒聚在一起了；

it was a perfect evening, as we were all reunited.

我們度過了一個美好的夜晚。

At the end of the evening,

結束之後，

I caught the last underground train back to the other side of London.

我搭乘末班地鐵回到倫敦的另一頭。

The journey was smooth.

一路上很平順。

I got back to my local station

我抵達我家附近的地鐵站，

and I began the 10-minute walk home.

並照例走 10 分鐘的路回家。

As I turned the corner onto my street,

轉過街角

my house in sight up ahead,

就能看見我家。

I heard footsteps behind me

我聽見背後有腳步聲，

that seemed to have approached out of nowhere

不知道是從那裡冒出來的。

and were picking up pace.

腳步聲愈來愈急促，

Before I had time to process what was happening,

我還來不及反應，

a hand was clapped around my mouth so that I could not breathe,

一隻手已經摀住我的嘴巴， 令我不能呼吸。

and the young man behind me dragged me to the ground,

身後的年輕男子將我硬拽在地，

beat my head repeatedly against the pavement

不停地將我的頭往地面撞，

until my face began to bleed,

直到我的臉開始流血，

kicking me in the back and neck

他用腳踢我的背和脖子

while he began to assault me,

開始對我性侵，

ripping off my clothes and telling me to "shut up,"

他撕開我的衣服並叫我閉嘴，

as I struggled to cry for help.

當時我掙扎奮力地呼救。

With each smack of my head to the concrete ground,

每當我的頭被撞向水泥地時，

a question echoed through my mind that still haunts me today:

心中便浮現一個 至今仍縈繞腦海的問題：

"Is this going to be how it all ends?"

「我會就這樣死掉嗎?」

Little could I have realized, I'd been followed the whole way

我完全沒有察覺到， 從我一離開車站開始

from the moment I left the station.

那個人就一路尾隨著我了。

And hours later,

幾個小時之後，

I was standing topless and barelegged in front of the police,

我站在警察面前 袒露著上半身、赤裸著腿，

having the cuts and bruises on my naked body photographed

身上的傷口、瘀腫都被拍照存證，

for forensic evidence.

作為法醫鑑識的證據。

Now, there are few words to describe the all-consuming feelings

我沒有辦法形容當時心裡滿溢的

脆弱、羞恥、憤惱和不公不義的感覺，

of vulnerability, shame, upset and injustice that I was ridden with

in that moment and for the weeks to come.

接下來的數週亦是。

But wanting to find a way to condense these feelings

但我想找到能把這些百感交集的情緒

into something ordered that I could work through,

彙整成我能處理、克服的方式，

I decided to do what felt most natural to me:

於是我選擇了我最擅長的事：

I wrote about it.

我把它寫下來。

It started out as a cathartic exercise.

我一開始將之視為宣洩的管道。

I wrote a letter to my assaulter,

我寫信給加害人，

humanizing him as "you,"

並以「你」稱呼他，

to identify him as part of the very community

把他當成是其所施暴的

that he had so violently abused that night.

社群團體中的一份子。

Stressing the tidal-wave effect of his actions,

為了強調他的行為所造成的 連鎖反應，

I wrote:

我寫道：

"Did you ever think of the people in your life?

「你想過你身邊的人嗎?

I don't know who the people in your life are.

雖然我不認識任何你的親朋好友。

I don't know anything about you.

雖然我對你一無所知。

But I do know this:

但我知道：

you did not just attack me that night.

你那晚攻擊的不只是『我』而已。

I'm a daughter, I'm a friend,

我是別人的女兒、朋友，

I'm a sister, I'm a pupil,

我是姊姊，我是學生，

I'm a cousin, I'm a niece,

我是表姊、姪女，

I'm a neighbor;

我是鄰居。

I'm the employee who served everyone coffee

我是在地鐵站的咖啡廳裡

in the café under the railway.

端咖啡的服務生。

And all the people who form these relations to me

而所有這些跟我有聯結的人

make up my community.

組成了我的社群。

And you assaulted every single one of them.

你攻擊的是他們每一個人。

You violated the truth that I will never cease to fight for,

你還侵犯了一項我誓死維護的，

and which all of these people represent:

也是這群人所代表的一項真理：

that there are infinitely more good people in the world than bad."

世界上，好人永遠比壞人多。」

But, determined not to let this one incident make me lose faith

但我決定不讓這次事件

in the solidarity in my community or humanity as a whole,

讓我失去對整個社群與 人性的信念，

I recalled the 7/7 terrorist bombings in July 2005 on London transport,

我想起 2005 年的 倫敦七七爆炸案，

and how the mayor of London at the time, and indeed my own parents,

那時的倫敦市長，乃至於我的雙親，

had insisted that we all get back on the tubes the next day,

都堅持大家隔天要照常搭地鐵，

so we wouldn't be defined or changed

如此一來，我們就不會 被那些令人恐慌的人、事、物

by those that had made us feel unsafe.

所侷限或改變。

I told my attacker,

我告訴我的加害人，

"You've carried out your attack,

「你雖攻擊了我，

but now I'm getting back on my tube.

但我還是會照常搭地鐵，

My community will not feel we are unsafe walking home after dark.

我們會照常走夜路回家， 不會感覺到不安。

We will get on the last tubes home,

我們還是會搭末班車回家，

and we will walk up our streets alone,

我們還是會隻身走在街道上，

因為我們不會讓 這樣做就會置自己於險境的想法，

because we will not ingrain or submit to the idea

that we are putting ourselves in danger in doing so.

深深植入腦中。

We will continue to come together, like an army,

當我們社群中有任何成員受到威脅，

when any member of our community is threatened.

我們會團結一心，像支軍隊一樣，

And this is a fight you will not win."

這是一場你贏不了的戰爭。」

At the time of writing this letter --

當我寫這封信的時候，

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

At the time of writing this letter,

當我寫這封信的時候，

I was studying for my exams in Oxford,

我正在準備牛津的考試，

我也在當地一家學生日報工作。

and I was working on the local student paper there.

Despite being lucky enough to have friends and family supporting me,

儘管很慶幸有親朋好友的情義相挺，

但基本上那是段孤獨的時光。

it was an isolating time.

我不認識任何有相同經歷的人，

I didn't know anyone who'd been through this before;

at least I didn't think I did.

至少我認為如此。

我也看過報章雜誌、統計數據， 知道性侵是多麼地普遍，

I'd read news reports, statistics, and knew how common sexual assault was,

yet I couldn't actually name a single person

但我講不出任何一個我聽過的人名，

that I'd heard speak out about an experience of this kind before.

曾公開講述這類的經歷。

So in a somewhat spontaneous decision,

出於某個自發性的決定，

I decided that I would publish my letter in the student paper,

我將這封信投到學生日報上，

hoping to reach out to others in Oxford

希望讓牛津其他有相同經歷

that might have had a similar experience and be feeling the same way.

或感同身受的人看到。

At the end of the letter,

在信的結尾，

I asked others to write in with their experiences

我呼籲其他人寫出他們的經歷，

under the hashtag, "#NotGuilty,"

並標註「# 我本無罪 」 （#NotGuilty）

to emphasize that survivors of assault could express themselves

讓那些受害者在不覺得有羞恥或 罪惡感的情況下，對其所經歷的事件

without feeling shame or guilt about what happened to them --

抒發自己的情緒。

to show that we could all stand up to sexual assault.

證明我們都能夠走出性侵的陰影。

What I never anticipated is that almost overnight,

沒想到，一覺醒來，

this published letter would go viral.

這封信就像病毒般擴散。

Soon, we were receiving hundreds of stories

很快，我們就收到來自世界各地

from men and women across the world,

上百位男女的故事，

which we began to publish on a website I set up.

我們開始將故事發表在 我建立的網站上。

And the hashtag became a campaign.

而所標註的話題已成為一股風潮。

There was an Australian mother in her 40s who described how on an evening out,

一位 40 多歲的澳洲媽媽說， 在一個外出的夜晚，

she was followed to the bathroom

有人跟蹤她到廁所，

by a man who went to repeatedly grab her crotch.

那個男人不停地摩蹭她的胯下。

There was a man in the Netherlands

有個荷蘭籍男性，

who described how he was date-raped on a visit to London

說他去倫敦與人約會時遭對方強暴，

and wasn't taken seriously by anyone he reported his case to.

但沒有人把他的話當真。

I had personal Facebook messages from people in India and South America,

我收到來自印度和南美洲人 在臉書的私訊，

saying, how can we bring the message of the campaign there?

他們問道：要如何 把這個活動的訊息帶到當地？

我們收到的第一篇投稿， 是一位名叫妮琪的女士，

One of the first contributions we had was from a woman called Nikki,

who described growing up, being molested my her own father.

述說她從小到大都被生父猥褻。

And I had friends open up to me

接著有更多朋友向我敞開心房，

about experiences ranging from those that happened last week

訴說著我所不知的 早已發生在他們身上的經歷，

to those that happened years ago, that I'd had no idea about.

從上周才發生 到好幾年前發生的都有。

And the more we started to receive these messages,

收到越來越多這類的訊息，

the more we also started to receive messages of hope --

我們也開始燃起越來越多的希望，

people feeling empowered by this community of voices

受害者被這社群的發聲所鼓舞，

standing up to sexual assault and victim-blaming.

他們得以站出來面對性侵的傷痛， 和抵抗「責怪受害者」的現象。

One woman called Olivia,

一位名為歐麗薇雅的女士，

after describing how she was attacked

在描述自己

被長期信賴與關心的人性侵後，

by someone she had trusted and cared about for a long time,

said, "I've read many of the stories posted here,

說道：「我在這裡看到很多故事，

and I feel hopeful that if so many women can move forward,

見到這麼多女人都踏出這一步，

then I can, too.

我相信我也可以。

I've been inspired by many,

我受到這當中很多人的啟發，

and I hope I can be as strong as them someday.

希望有朝一日也能像他們一樣堅強，

I'm sure I will."

我相信會有這麼一天的。」

People around the world began tweeting under this hashtag,

世界各地的人開始在推文時 標記上「我本無罪」，

and the letter was republished and covered by the national press,

而全國性的報社也刊載了我的信件，

as well as being translated into several other languages worldwide.

同時也被翻譯成多國語言。

But something struck me about the media attention

但我對媒體會對我的信

that this letter was attracting.

這麼感興趣而大吃一驚。

For something to be front-page news,

他們把信刊在頭版，

given the word "news" itself,

鑒於「新」聞這個字本身的意義，

we can assume it must be something new or something surprising.

我們理所當然地認為 它一定是很新或令人驚訝的事情。

And yet sexual assault is not something new.

但性侵已經不是新鮮事了。

Sexual assault, along with other kinds of injustices,

性侵就跟其他不公平、 不公正的事件一樣，

is reported in the media all the time.

每天都出現在各種媒體上。

But through the campaign,

但透過這個運動，

these injustices were framed as not just news stories,

性侵事件不僅只是個新聞事件，

they were firsthand experiences that had affected real people,

而是影響當事人一生的 真人真事的第一手經歷，

who were creating, with the solidarity of others,

這些當事人凝聚團結在一起，

what they needed and had previously lacked:

創造出他們所需要， 但之前一直欠缺的東西：

a platform to speak out,

一個能讓他們發表言論的平台，

the reassurance they weren't alone or to blame for what happened to them

讓他們知道自己不是孤軍奮鬥， 也不是有錯的那一方，

and open discussions that would help to reduce stigma around the issue.

而公開討論也能夠幫助減輕 談論到相關議題的羞辱感。

The voices of those directly affected were at the forefront of the story --

這個社群中，說故事的人 同時也是事件的當事者

not the voices of journalists or commentators on social media.

並不是記者或評論員撰擬出來的。

And that's why the story was news.

這也是為什麼這故事被稱為新聞。

We live in an incredibly interconnected world

我們身在一個網路資訊 四通八達的世界，

with the proliferation of social media,

社群媒體不斷地激增，

which is of course a fantastic resource for igniting social change.

而它的確是推動社會改變的利器。

But it's also made us increasingly reactive,

但這也使人們越來越過度反應，

from the smallest annoyances of, "Oh, my train's been delayed,"

小至「天啊！火車誤點了！」的 惱人小事，

to the greatest injustices of war, genocides, terrorist attacks.

大至戰爭、種族屠殺， 甚至是恐怖攻擊。

Our default response has become to leap to react to any kind of grievance

看到任何發牢騷、不滿的訊息時， 就會立即做出回應，

by tweeting, Facebooking, hastagging --

在推特、臉書上發文、標記，

anything to show others that we, too, have reacted.

竭盡所能的昭告天下 自己也有所共鳴。

The problem with reacting in this manner en masse

問題是，當大家都有所反應時，

is it can sometimes mean that we don't actually react at all,

有時也意味著大家根本沒反應，

沒有人真的想去做些什麼，

not in the sense of actually doing anything, anyway.

It might make ourselves feel better,

我們只是讓自己心裡面舒服點，

like we've contributed to a group mourning or outrage,

覺得好像在集體的哀悼與憤慨中 貢獻了一己之力，

but it doesn't actually change anything.

但事實上你沒有任何貢獻。

And what's more,

還有，

it can sometimes drown out the voices

這些行為有的時候，

of those directly affected by the injustice,

會掩蓋掉真實受害者的聲音，

whose needs must be heard.

而他們的需求必須被聽見。

Worrying, too, is the tendency for some reactions to injustice

還令人擔憂的是 有些回應不公事件的行為

to build even more walls,

也可能會帶來更多隔閡，

being quick to point fingers with the hope of providing easy solutions

人們迅速究責並希望能夠

對複雜的問題提供簡單的解決方案。

to complex problems.

One British tabloid, on the publication of my letter,

一家英國小報在刊登我的信時，

branded a headline stating,

下了這麼一個標題：

"Oxford Student Launches Online Campaign to Shame Attacker."

「牛津學生在網路上 發起羞辱加害人運動。」

But the campaign never meant to shame anyone.

但我發起的這個運動， 從未想要羞辱任何人。

It meant to let people speak and to make others listen.

只是要讓大家勇於發言並有人傾聽。

Divisive Twitter trolls were quick to create even more injustice,

推特上具爭議性的謬論 只會造成更多傷害，

commenting on my attacker's ethnicity or class

藉由批評我的加害人的種族和階級，

to push their own prejudiced agendas.

來推波助瀾他們自己的偏見。

And some even accused me of feigning the whole thing

有人甚至指控我是在自導自演，

to push, and I quote,

容許我引用一下報社的文字：

my "feminist agenda of man-hating."

「為了申張女權主義而仇恨男人」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I know, right?

好笑吧？

As if I'm going to be like, "Hey guys! Sorry I can't make it,

好像我是會說：「抱歉，夥伴們， 我沒辦法去了喔，

I'm busy trying to hate the entire male population

因為在 30 歲之前，我都在忙著 仇恨全世界所有的男人。」

by the time I'm 30."

這種話的人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, I'm almost sure

現在，我幾乎可以確定，

that these people wouldn't say the things they say in person.

這些人不會當著我的面說出 他們在網路上留下的那些言論。

But it's as if because they might be behind a screen,

那是因為他們躲在螢幕後面，

in the comfort in their own home

待在自己舒適的家中

when on social media,

使用著社群媒體。

people forget that what they're doing is a public act --

人們常會忘記他們的所作所為 是一種公眾行為，

that other people will be reading it and be affected by it.

其他人會看，也會受其影響。

Returning to my analogy of getting back on our trains,

回到前面提到的重回地鐵的比喻，

another main concern I have about this noise that escalates

對那些在網路上回應 不公義的干擾言論，

from our online responses to injustice

我所關注的是，

is that it can very easily slip into portraying us as the affected party,

這些干擾言論很容易 把我們描繪成受影響的一方，

which can lead to a sense of defeatism,

這可能會導致失敗主義的情緒：

a kind of mental barrier to seeing any opportunity for positivity or change

這是一種無法正向地看待機會

或無法在負面狀態下 做出改變的精神障礙。

after a negative situation.

A couple of months before the campaign started

在這個運動開始的幾個月前

or any of this happened to me,

或在我遭遇這些事之前，

I went to a TEDx event in Oxford,

我參加 TEDx 在牛津的活動，

and I saw Zelda la Grange speak,

我看見了納爾遜·曼德拉的 前任私人秘書

the former private secretary to Nelson Mandela.

芮爾妲•拉格蘭奇的演講，

One of the stories she told really struck me.

她其中的一個故事震撼了我。

She spoke of when Mandela was taken to court

她提到曼德拉在委任對體育事件 進行調查後，

by the South African Rugby Union

就被南非國家橄欖球隊

after he commissioned an inquiry into sports affairs.

一狀告到法院。

In the courtroom,

在法庭上，

he went up to the South African Rugby Union's lawyers,

他走向南非國家橄欖球隊的律師團，

shook them by the hand

跟他們握手，

and conversed with them, each in their own language.

並用他們各自的語言和他們對話。

And Zelda wanted to protest,

芮爾妲想提出抗議，

saying they had no right to his respect

她認為這些律師對曼德拉做出 不公義的指控，

after this injustice they had caused him.

不配得到曼德拉的尊重。

He turned to her and said,

曼德拉回頭告訴她：

"You must never allow the enemy to determine the grounds for battle."

「永遠別讓敵人來決定戰場。」

At the time of hearing these words,

聽到這句話時，

I didn't really know why they were so important,

我並不瞭解這句話的重要性，

but I felt they were, and I wrote them down in a notebook I had on me.

但我覺得它很重要，所以我將這句話 寫在我隨身攜帶的筆記本上。

But I've thought about this line a lot ever since.

從那個時候開始， 我便常常思考這句話的意義。

Revenge, or the expression of hatred

報復，或者向對我們施加不公的人

towards those who have done us injustice

表達恨意，

may feel like a human instinct in the face of wrong,

可能是人類在面對不公不義時的 本能直覺反應，

but we need to break out of these cycles

但是我們需要打破這個循環，

if we are to hope to transform negative events of injustice

我們應該要將不公平的負面事件，

into positive social change.

轉換成正面的社會革新能量。

To do otherwise

否則，

continues to let the enemy determine the grounds for battle,

如果繼續讓敵人決定戰場，

則會產生另一個對立的結果，

creates a binary,

where we who have suffered become the affected,

我們這些受害者成為了影響者，

pitted against them, the perpetrators.

與加害者相互爭鬥。

And just like we got back on our tubes,

就像我們選擇回到地鐵一樣，

we can't let our platforms for interconnectivity and community

我們不能讓互聯網及社群的平台，

be the places that we settle for defeat.

淪為認輸妥協的戰場。

But I don't want to discourage a social media response,

我並不是想要阻止 這些社群媒體的回應，

because I owe the development of the #NotGuilty campaign

因為「# 我本無罪」活動的成功，

almost entirely to social media.

絕大部分歸功於社群媒體。

But I do want to encourage a more considered approach

但是我的確想要鼓勵大家，

to the way we use it to respond to injustice.

用成熟負責的方式 來回應不公義的事件。

The start, I think, is to ask ourselves two things.

首先，我認為要先問自己兩個問題。

Firstly: Why do I feel this injustice?

第一：為什麼我會覺得不公平？

In my case, there were several answers to this.

就我的例子而言，有幾個答案。

Someone had hurt me and those who I loved,

有人傷害我和我愛的人，

under the assumption they wouldn't have to be held to account

如果他們沒有為這件事付出代價，

或沒有認知到他們所造成的傷害， 這樣我就會感到不公平。

or recognize the damage they had caused.

Not only that, but thousands of men and women suffer every day

不只如此，每天都有 成千上萬的男男女女，

from sexual abuse, often in silence,

遭受性侵，通常只能保持沈默，

yet it's still a problem we don't give the same airtime to as other issues.

而且，大家對此問題的關注程度 卻少於其他事件。

It's still an issue many people blame victims for.

到現在，還是有很多人 會指責受害者。

Next, ask yourself: How, in recognizing these reasons,

再來，問問自己： 認知到這些原因後，

我如何能改變它們？

could I go about reversing them?

With us, this was holding my attacker to account -- and many others.

就我們而言，是要我的加害者 和其他的加害者承擔後果。

It was calling them out on the effect they had caused.

讓他們出來面對他們所造成的影響。

It was giving airtime to the issue of sexual assault,

讓媒體對性侵事件投以更多的關注，

opening up discussions amongst friends, amongst families, in the media

朋友、家人之間能夠開誠佈公地討論

這個被塵封已久的話題，

that had been closed for too long,

並且強調受害者不應該

and stressing that victims shouldn't feel to blame

為其所受到的傷害而遭受指責。

for what happened to them.

We might still have a long way to go in solving this problem entirely.

要完全解決性侵這個問題 也許還有好長一段路要走。

But in this way,

但透過這個方式，

we can begin to use social media as an active tool for social justice,

我們可以開始使用社群媒體 作為審視社會公義的有效利器，

as a tool to educate, to stimulate dialogues,

來作為教育、喚起群眾對話的利器，

to make those in positions of authority aware of an issue

藉由聆聽受害者的心聲，

by listening to those directly affected by it.

讓當權者知道這個問題的重要性。

Because sometimes these questions don't have easy answers.

因為有時這些問題並不會有 簡單的答案，

In fact, they rarely do.

事實上，鮮少會有。

But this doesn't mean we still can't give them a considered response.

但是，這並不意味著我們無法 給受害者成熟、合理的回應，

In situations where you can't go about thinking

在你無法思考出

how you'd reverse this feeling of injustice,

如何扭轉這個不公平的感覺時，

you can still think, maybe not what you can do,

你可想看看，也許不要執著於 我們可做些什麼，

but what you can not do.

而是不要做什麼。

You can not build further walls by fighting injustice with more prejudice,

你可以不要帶著偏見、 仇恨來回應不公事件，

more hatred.

以避免築起更多高牆。

You can not speak over those directly affected by an injustice.

你可以不要議論那些事件的受害者，

And you can not react to injustice, only to forget about it the next day,

你可以不要在回應了不公事件後 隨即隔天就忘了這件事，

just because the rest of Twitter has moved on.

因為推持已去追逐新的話題了。

Sometimes not reacting instantly is, ironically,

諷刺的是，有時候不立刻回應，

the best immediate course of action we can take.

是我們立即可以採取的措施。

Because we might be angry, upset and energized by injustice,

我們會因為遭受不公平待遇 而生氣、沮喪和衝動，

but let's consider our responses.

但是讓我們想想自己的反應。

Let us hold people to account, without descending into a culture

我們要讓加害者付出代價，

而不是助長我們自己羞愧 與遭受不公不義的感覺。

that thrives off shaming and injustice ourselves.

Let us remember that distinction,

讓我們牢記那個

常被網民遺忘的事情，

so often forgotten by internet users,

between criticism and insult.

那就是批評與辱罵的區別。

Let us not forget to think before we speak,

別忘了我們仍須三思而後行，

不要因我們面前有螢幕擋著就不。

just because we might have a screen in front of us.

And when we create noise on social media,

當我們在社群媒體發出各種聲音時，

let it not drown out the needs of those affected,

我們不應該讓這些聲音 凌鴐了受害者的需要，

but instead let it amplify their voices,

而應該強化受害者的訴求。

so the internet becomes a place where you're not the exception

所以網路成了你講述自身的 親身真實經歷，

if you speak out about something that has actually happened to you.

也不會被另眼相看的地方。

All these considered approaches to injustice

所有這些以成熟嚴謹的態度 來回應不公不義的方法，

evoke the very keystones on which the internet was built:

喚起了網路初創的主旨：

to network, to have signal, to connect --

溝通、傳遞訊息、 促進人與人之間的連結。

all these terms that imply bringing people together,

這些詞語都暗示著 使人們更緊密地凝聚著，

not pushing people apart.

而非愈來愈疏離。

Because if you look up the word "justice" in the dictionary,

假如你在字典上查 「justice」這個字，

before punishment,

在懲罰、法律或司法機關管理 這些字眼之前，

before administration of law or judicial authority,

you get:

你會看到：

"The maintenance of what is right."

「維護正義」。

And I think there are few things more "right" in this world

我認為世界上幾乎沒有

比將人與人團結在一起 更正義的事了。

than bringing people together,

than unions.

And if we allow social media to deliver that,

如果我們藉由社群媒體來傳遞這個訊息，

then it can deliver a very powerful form of justice, indeed.

公平正義將會透過更有力的形式傳遞。

Thank you very much.

謝謝大家！

(Applause)

（掌聲）