Why we get mad -- and why it's healthy | Ryan Martin

譯者: Marssi Draw 審譯者: Regina Chu

Alright, so I want you to imagine that you get a text from a friend, and it reads ...

請大家想像朋友傳給你的訊息寫：

"You will NOT believe what just happened. I'm SO MAD right now!"

「你絕對不會相信發生什麼事！ 我氣炸了！」

So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details.

所以你做了朋友該做的事， 問了一些細節。

And they tell you a story about what happened to them

他們說了事發經過，

可能是在健身房、公司 或是昨晚約會發生的事。

at the gym or at work or on their date last night.

And you listen and you try to understand why they're so mad.

你聽他們說，試圖了解 對方為什麼這麼火大。

Maybe even secretly judge whether or not they should be so mad.

也許還暗地裡評論 他們有沒有道理這麼火大。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And maybe you even offer some suggestions.

也許你還給了一些建議。

這時你做的事， 基本上就是我每天要做的事，

Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day,

because I'm an anger researcher,

因為我研究憤怒，

and as an anger researcher, I spend a good part of my professional life --

身為憤怒研究員， 我的職涯有大半時間──

who am I kidding, also my personal life --

其實我私生活也是──

studying why people get mad.

都在研究抓狂的人。

I study the types of thoughts they have when they get mad,

我研究他們抓狂當下的不同想法，

and I even study what they do when they get mad,

我還研究他們抓狂的時候會做什麼，

有可能是和人打架、摔東西，

whether it's getting into fights or breaking things,

或是在網路上用超大字體跟人吵架。

or even yelling at people in all caps on the internet.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And as you can imagine,

可想而知，

when people hear I'm an anger researcher,

只要有人聽到我研究憤怒，

they want to talk to me about their anger,

就會想要跟我談他們的怒氣，

跟我聊自己火大的故事。

they want to share with me their anger stories.

不是因為他們需要心理師，

And it's not because they need a therapist,

──雖然偶爾是真的有需要──

though that does sometimes happen,

主要是因為憤怒普世皆然。

it's really because anger is universal.

憤怒人人都感受得到， 而且人人都有相同經歷。

It's something we all feel and it's something they can relate to.

我們打從剛出生的頭幾個月 就開始感受憤怒，

We've been feeling it since the first few months of life,

我們得不到想要的東西 就用哭來抗議，

when we didn't get what we wanted in our cries of protests,

things like, "What do you mean you won't pick up the rattle, Dad,

像是「你說不撿手搖鈴來 是什麼意思？

I want it!"

爸爸！我現在就要玩！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me.

青少年時期大家都常感到憤怒， 這點我媽可以作證。

Sorry, Mom.

抱歉啦，老媽。

We feel it to the very end.

我們到臨終前也會感到憤怒。

In fact, anger has been with us at some of the worst moments of our lives.

其實在人生最悲慘的那些時刻， 憤怒也常與我們同在。

It's a natural and expected part of our grief.

這種感覺很自然， 也被視為是悲傷的一部分。

But it's also been with us in some of the best moments of our lives,

但在人生最美好的一些時刻， 憤怒也與我們同在，

with those special occasions like weddings and vacations

像是婚禮、渡假這些特殊場合，

often marred by these everyday frustrations --

老是被日常鳥事搞得烏煙障氣，

bad weather, travel delays --

像是壞天氣、行程延誤這些事，

that feel horrible in the moment,

當下覺得很要命，

but then are ultimately forgotten when things go OK.

但事過境遷又忘得一乾二淨。

I have a lot of conversations with people about their anger

我和很多人談過他們的憤怒，

and it's through those conversations that I've learned that many people,

透過這些對話我發現很多人──

我敢打賭在座很多人也一樣──

and I bet many people in this room right now,

覺得憤怒是個問題，

you see anger as a problem.

像是憤怒落到你頭上的方式，

You see the way it interferes in your life,

the way it damages relationships, maybe even the ways it's scary.

破懷你人際關係的方式， 甚至是憤怒恐怖的模樣。

And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently,

雖然這些我都了解， 但我看待憤怒的方式有點不同。

and today, I want to tell you something really important

今天我想和各位分享 和憤怒有關很重要的一件事：

about your anger, and it's this:

憤怒是生活中 一股強大而且健康的力量。

anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life.

It's good that you feel it.

感到憤怒是好事。

You need to feel it.

你需要感覺到憤怒。

But to understand all that, we actually have to back up

但要了解這些，我們就得退一步，

談談為什麼一開始會發火。

and talk about why we get mad in the first place.

A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researcher

談這點常會追溯到憤怒研究學者 狄分巴契博士的作品，

named Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996

他在 1996 年寫了一本書，

in a book chapter on how to deal with problematic anger.

談到如何處理棘手的怒氣。

Now, for most of us, and I bet most of you,

對我們大多數人來說，我敢打賭，

it feels as simple as this:

原因很簡單：

I get mad when I'm provoked.

只要被人激怒，就會發火。

You hear it in the language people use.

大家言談間會透露出這點。

They say things like,

他們會說：

"It makes me so mad when people drive this slow,"

「前面開車這麼慢 就是會讓我超火大。」

or, "I got mad because she left the milk out again."

或「我火大是因為 她又忘記把牛奶放冰箱。」

Or my favorite,

我最愛這句：

"I don't have an anger problem -- people just need to stop messing with me."

「我沒有憤怒這種情緒問題， 其他人不要來搗亂就好。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations,

為了更了解這些不同類型的激怒，

I ask a lot of people, including my friends and colleagues and even family,

我問過很多人，包括朋友、同事， 連家人我都問了：

"What are the things that really get to you?

「什麼事會惹到你？

什麼事會讓你發火？」

What makes you mad?"

By the way, now is a good time to point out one of the advantages

對了，現在正好可以提一下

為什麼身為憤怒研究員這麼吃香，

of being an anger researcher

因為我花了十幾年的時間 列一張非常詳細的清單，

is that I've spent more than a decade generating a comprehensive list

of all the things that really irritate my colleagues.

記下所有真的會惹火我同事的事情。

Just in case I need it.

以備不時之需。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But their answers are fascinating,

不過這些答案真的很有意思，

because they say things like,

因為他們說：

"when my sports team loses,"

「我支持的球隊輸球」、

"people who chew too loudly."

「有人嚼口香糖太大聲」。

That is surprisingly common, by the way.

出乎意料之外，很多人都講這些。

"People who walk too slowly," that one's mine.

「有人走太慢」這我講的。

And of course, "roundabouts."

當然還有「開車碰到圓環」。

Roundabouts --

「圓環」──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage.

我老實講，沒有憤怒 可以媲美圓環怒。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all.

有時候他們的答案非同小可。

Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bullying

有時候有人會說種族歧視、 性別歧視、霸凌，

and environmental destruction -- big, global problems we all face.

環境破壞，那種我們 共同面臨的全球大問題。

But sometimes,

但有時候，

their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly specific.

他們的答案非常明確， 可能還出奇的明確。

"That wet line you get across your shirt

「你的衣服不小心在公廁洗手檯 弄溼的那條線。」

when you accidentally lean against the counter of a public bathroom."

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Super gross, right?

超噁吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or "Flash drives: there's only two ways to plug them in,

或是「隨身碟要嘛正插要嘛反插，

so why does it always take me three tries?"

為什麼每次都要我試三次？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now whether it's minor or major, whether it's general or specific,

不論事關大小，明確與否，

we can look at these examples

我們都可以檢視這些例子，

and we can tease out some common themes.

梳理出一些普遍題材。

We get angry in situations that are unpleasant,

我們會生氣， 可能是在不愉快的情境下、

that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked,

覺得不公平、事情不順利、

that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless.

本來可以避免的情況、 讓我們覺得無力的事。

This is a recipe for anger.

這是憤怒的配方。

But you can also tell

但你也會發現，

that anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these situations.

憤怒大概不是我們 在這些情境中的唯一感受。

Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum.

怒氣不會無中生有。

We can feel angry at the same time that we're scared or sad,

我們生氣的同時也會害怕、傷心，

or feeling a host of other emotions.

還會感受到很多不同的情緒。

But here's the thing:

但問題在於：

these provocations -- they aren't making us mad.

這些激怒我們的事 不是真的讓我們憤怒的事。

At least not on their own,

至少不只這些事，

and we know that, because if they were,

我們知道，因為如果只是那些事，

we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't.

大家對這類的事就都會生氣， 但卻不是這樣。

The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry,

我生氣的點和你生氣的點不同，

so there's got to be something else going on.

所以問題沒那麼簡單。

What is that something else?

那問題是出在哪？

Well, we know what we're doing and feeling at the moment of that provocation matters.

我們知道被激怒的同時 自己在做什麼，感覺怎麼樣。

We call this the pre-anger state -- are you hungry, are you tired,

我們稱這些為生氣前的狀態： 你肚子餓、覺得累、

are you anxious about something else, are you running late for something?

擔心什麼事或事情做不完嗎？

When you're feeling those things,

你感覺那些事的同時，

those provocations feel that much worse.

激怒的感覺也就更深。

But what matters most is not the provocation,

但最重要的不是激怒你的事，

it's not the pre-anger state, it's this:

不是生氣前的狀態，而是：

it's how we interpret that provocation,

我們怎麼解讀那件激怒你的事，

it's how we make sense of it in our lives.

我們賦予它在生命中什麼意義。

When something happens to us,

我們碰到某件事的時候，

we first decide, is this good or bad?

首先會判斷這是好是壞？

Is it fair or unfair, is it blameworthy, is it punishable?

公不公平、該不該譴責、被罰？

That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself.

這是一種初級評估， 你在評估事件本身。

We decide what it means in the context of our lives

我們決定它在生命中扮演的意義，

一旦做了，我們就決定事情有多糟。

and once we've done that, we decide how bad it is.

That's secondary appraisal.

這是次級評估。

We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened,

我們會自問「這是 這輩子碰過最慘的事嗎？

or can I cope with this?

我能擺平這件事嗎？

Now, to illustrate that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere.

為了說明這點，請大家 想像一下你在開車。

And before I go any further, I should tell you,

在我繼續之前，先警告大家，

if I were an evil genius

如果我是鬼點子天才，

and I wanted to create a situation that was going to make you mad,

要打造讓你發火的情境，

that situation would look a lot like driving.

那就是讓你感覺像在開車。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's true.

這是真的。

You are, by definition, on your way somewhere,

你在某個地方開車，

so everything that happens -- traffic, other drivers, road construction --

車流量、其他用路人、路況 全都一一浮現，

it feels like it's blocking your goals.

感覺他們都來擋你的路。

There are all these written and unwritten rules of the road,

你知道有些用路法規和潛規則，

and those rules are routinely violated right in front of you,

三不五時就有人在你面前違規，

usually without consequence.

但駕駛都安然渡過。

And who's violating those rules?

誰違規？

Anonymous others, people you will never see again,

你不認識、不會再見到的人，

making them a very easy target for your wrath.

他們就很容易變成你暴怒的箭靶。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry,

你開著車，怒火一觸即發，

and the person in front of you is driving well below the speed limit.

你前面那個人開得比最低速限還慢。

And it's frustrating

你很煩，

because you can't really see why they're driving so slow.

因為你看不出來他為何開這麼慢。

That's primary appraisal.

這是初級評估。

You've looked at this and you've said it's bad and it's blameworthy.

這種情況你看了 覺得很糟，覺得該譴責。

But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal.

但同時你也決定說 這不是什麼大不了的事。

You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter.

你不趕時間，沒關係。

That's secondary appraisal -- you don't get angry.

這是次級評估，你沒有生氣。

But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview.

但現在想像一下， 你正要去面試工作。

What that person is doing, it hasn't changed, right?

這個人的所作所為沒有變，

So primary appraisal doesn't change; still bad, still blameworthy.

所以初級評估不變； 還是很糟，還是該譴責。

But your ability to cope with it sure does.

但你的應變能力絕對有差，

Because all of a sudden,

因為突然之間，

you're going to be late to that job interview.

你面試就要遲到。

All of a sudden,

突然間，

you are not going to get your dream job,

你就會失去夢想中的工作，

the one that was going to give you piles and piles of money.

這工作可以讓你賺進大把大把鈔票。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Somebody else is going to get your dream job

其他人會得到你的夢想工作，

and you're going to be broke.

你會破產，

You're going to be destitute.

你會一貧如洗。

Might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents.

可能要就此搬回老家跟父母住。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Why?

為什麼？

"Because of this person in front of me.

「就因為我前面的這個人。

This is not a person, this is a monster."

他不是人，他是禽獸。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And this monster is here just to ruin your life.

這禽獸來就是為了糟蹋你的人生。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now that thought process,

這個思考過程稱為災難化，

it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things.

就是我們想出最糟情況的過程。

And it's one of the primary types of thoughts that we know

這是我們已知的 一種主要思維模式，

is associated with chronic anger.

和長期憤怒有關。

But there's a couple of others.

但還有其他幾種。

Misattributing causation.

錯誤歸究因果關係。

Angry people tend to put blame where it doesn't belong.

生氣的人傾向怪錯對象。

Not just on people,

不只是怪在別人頭上，

but actually inanimate objects as well.

也會怪無生命的事物。

And if you think that sound ridiculous,

如果你覺得聽起來很荒唐，

想想你上次找不到車鑰匙的時候說：

think about the last time you lost your car keys and you said,

「那些鑰匙是跑去哪了？」

"Where did those car keys go?"

Because you know they ran off on their own.

因為你知道它們自己跑走了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

They tend to overgeneralize, they use words like "always,"

他們很常過度一言以蔽之， 很常說「老是」、

"never," "every," "this always happens to me,"

「絕不」、「每次」、 「老是發生在我頭上」、

"I never get what I want"

「我絕對不會如願以償」、

or "I hit every stoplight on the way here today."

「我今天來這裡的路上 每個路口都碰到紅燈。」

Demandingness: they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others:

苛求：他們把自己的需求 看得比別人的還重要：

"I don't care why this person is driving so slow,

「我不管這人為何車開這麼慢，

they need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview."

他要嘛就加速，不然就讓開， 這樣我才能趕去面試工作。」

And finally, inflammatory labeling.

最後一項，貼會惹火人的標籤。

They call people fools, idiots, monsters,

他們叫別人傻子、白痴、禽獸，

or a whole bunch of things I've been told I'm not allowed to say

還有一大堆用詞，但是有人跟我說，

我在 TEDTalk 臺上不准講。

during this TED Talk.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So for a long time,

有很長一段時間，

psychologists have referred to these as cognitive distortions

心理學家稱此為認知扭曲，

or even irrational beliefs.

甚至是非理性信念。

And yeah, sometimes they are irrational.

是啊，有時候他們沒那麼理性。

Maybe even most of the time.

可能大多情況都沒理性。

But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rational.

但有時候，這些想法其實完全理性。

There is unfairness in the world.

世上有不公。

There are cruel, selfish people,

有殘忍、自私的人，

and it's not only OK to be angry when we're treated poorly,

被惡劣對待而生氣 不是可以接受而已，

it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly.

被惡劣對待根本就應該要生氣。

If there's one thing I want you to remember from my talk today, it's this:

如果我想讓你在這個演講中 記得一件事，那就是：

your anger exists in you as an emotion

你的憤怒以一種情緒存在，

because it offered your ancestors, both human and nonhuman,

因為憤怒讓你的祖先 ──無論是人或非人類──

with an evolutionary advantage.

有進化優勢。

Just as your fear alerts you to danger,

就像恐懼警告你危險，

your anger alerts you to injustice.

憤怒警告你不公。

It's one of the ways your brain communicates to you

這是你的腦和你溝通，

that you have had enough.

告訴你，你受夠了。

What's more, it energizes you to confront that injustice.

更重要的是，他激發你去挑戰不公。

Think for a second about the last time you got mad.

試想一下自己上次發火的情況。

Your heart rate increased.

你的心跳加速、

Your breathing increased, you started to sweat.

呼吸急促、開始流汗。

That's your sympathetic nervous system,

那是你的交感神經系統

──或所謂的戰或逃反應──

otherwise known as your fight-or-flight system,

發揮作用提供你需要反應的能量。

kicking in to offer you the energy you need to respond.

And that's just the stuff you noticed.

那就是你注意到的東西。

At the same time, your digestive system slowed down so you could conserve energy.

同時你的消化系統變慢， 你就能儲存能量，

That's why your mouth went dry.

這也就是為什麼你的嘴巴會乾澀。

And your blood vessels dilated to get blood to your extremities.

你的血管擴張讓血液流到末稍，

That's why your face went red.

這也就是為什麼你的臉會變紅。

It's all part of this complex pattern of physiological experiences

這都是現存完整 生理變化模式中的一環，

that exist today

because they helped your ancestors

因為它們幫助先人

deal with cruel and unforgiving forces of nature.

面對大自然的殘酷與無情。

And the problem is that the thing your ancestors did

問題是，你的先人

用來面對憤怒做的事，

to deal with their anger,

to physically fight,

也就是和人打架，

they are no longer reasonable or appropriate.

已經不合時宜了。

You can't and you shouldn't swing a club every time you're provoked.

你被激怒的時候不能也不該 每次都去砸酒吧。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But here's the good news.

不過有個好消息。

You are capable of something

你能做到

your nonhuman ancestors weren't capable of.

非人類祖先無法做到的事，

And that is the capacity to regulate your emotions.

也就是你有能力控制情緒。

Even when you want to lash out,

即使你想揍對方一拳，

you can stop yourself and you can channel that anger

你可以阻止自己，

引導憤怒到更有生產力的地方。

into something more productive.

So often when we talk about anger,

我們很常談到憤怒的時候，

we talk about how to keep from getting angry.

會討論到要怎麼避免發怒。

We tell people to calm down or relax.

我們要人冷靜、放鬆。

We even tell people to let it go.

我們還叫人要放下。

And all of that assumes that anger is bad and that it's wrong to feel it.

所有的假設都認定憤怒不好， 有這種感覺不對。

But instead, I like to think of anger as a motivator.

但相反地，我喜歡把憤怒 視為一種監控器。

The same way your thirst motivates you to get a drink of water,

就像渴驅使你去喝水、

the same way your hunger motivates you to get a bite to eat,

餓驅使你去吃點東西，

your anger can motivate you to respond to injustice.

而你的憤怒驅使你去反擊不公。

Because we don't have to think too hard to find things we should be mad about.

因為我們不需挖空心思去找尋 自己該為什麼發火。

When we go back to the beginning,

我們回到事發原點會想，

yeah, some of those things, they're silly and not worth getting angry over.

是啊，有些蠢事確實沒必要生氣。

But racism, sexism, bullying, environmental destruction,

但種族歧視、性別歧視、 霸凌、環境破壞，

those things are real, those things are terrible,

那些事是真的，那些事都很糟糕。

and the only way to fix them is to get mad first

唯一修補的方式是先發火，

and then channel that anger into fighting back.

然後引導這鼓怒火反擊。

And you don't have to fight back with aggression or hostility or violence.

你不必採取侵犯、仇恨 或暴力的方式來反擊。

There are infinite ways that you can express your anger.

有無數種你可以表達憤怒的方式。

You can protest, you can write letters to the editor,

你可以抗議、投書到報章雜誌，

you can donate to and volunteer for causes,

你可以捐款或擔任志工支持，

you can create art, you can create literature,

你可以創造藝術、創作文學，

you can create poetry and music,

你可以寫詩、創作音樂，

you can create a community that cares for one another

你可以設立社群， 讓關心他人者聚在一起，

and does not allow those atrocities to happen.

避免暴行發生。

So the next time you feel yourself getting angry,

所以下次你感覺 自己快要動怒的時候，

instead of trying to turn it off,

與其試著息怒，

I hope you'll listen to what that anger is telling you.

我希望你們聆聽憤怒 所要告訴你們的事。

And then I hope you'll channel it into something positive and productive.

我也希望你們引導憤怒， 轉化為正向、有生產力的事物。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）