What it's like to be a parent in a war zone | Aala El-Khani

翻译人员: Junyi Sha 校对人员: Yan Gao

Worldwide, over 1.5 billion people experience armed conflict.

世界范围内，超过15亿人 正经历着武装冲突。

结果就是，人们被迫 逃离他们的国家，

In response, people are forced to flee their country,

leaving over 15 million refugees.

留下超过1500万难民。

孩子，毋庸置疑，

Children, without a doubt,

are the most innocent and vulnerable victims ...

则是那些最无辜， 最脆弱的受害人。

但并非仅仅是来自那些 显而易见的人身危害，

but not just from the obvious physical dangers,

but from the often unspoken effects that wars have on their families.

而是来自战争对他们的家庭 造成的常常无言的影响。

战争经历使孩子们更易出现

The experiences of war leave children at a real high risk

for the development of emotional and behavioral problems.

感情与行为发展方面的问题。

孩子们，仅仅是凭借我们的想象，

Children, as we can only imagine,

will feel worried, threatened and at risk.

他们会感到担忧，被威胁和危险。

But there is good news.

但是也有好消息。

The quality of care that children receive in their families

孩子们所得到的 来自家庭的照顾的品质

can have a more significant effect on their well-being

相比他们所经历过的那些战争创伤

than from the actual experiences of war that they have been exposed to.

对于他们的身心健康 有更加显著的作用。

所以，事实上，在冲突期间以及之后 温暖、安全的父母养育

So actually, children can be protected

by warm, secure parenting during and after conflict.

是能够保护到孩子们的。

In 2011, I was a first-year PhD student

2011年，也就是我在曼彻斯特大学

in the University of Manchester School of Psychological Sciences.

心理科学院读博的第一年。

Like many of you here,

就像你们中的很多人那样，

I watched the crisis in Syria unfold in front of me on the TV.

我在电视上目睹了叙利亚危机。

My family is originally from Syria,

我的家庭原本就来自叙利亚，

and very early on,

再之前，

I lost several family members in really horrifying ways.

以那种真正可怕的方式， 我失去了一些家庭成员。

I'd sit and I'd gather with my family and watch the TV.

我和我的家人一起， 坐下来看电视。

We've all seen those scenes:

我们都看过那些景象：

bombs destroying buildings,

炸弹摧毁楼房，

chaos, destruction

混乱，破坏，

and people screaming and running.

人们呼喊着，奔逃着。

It was always the people screaming and running that really got me the most,

那些嘶声裂肺的喊叫，逃跑的人们， 是最让我感触深刻的，

especially those terrified-looking children.

特别是，那些面露惊恐的孩子们。

I was a mother to two young, typically inquisitive children.

我是两个年幼的， 好奇心旺盛的孩子们的母亲。

They were five and six then,

他们当时大概是五六岁的样子，

at an age where they typically asked lots and lots of questions,

在那样的年龄，他们通常 喜欢问好多好多的问题，

and expected real, convincing answers.

期待着真实的，具有说服力的答案。

So, I began to wonder what it might be like

所以，我就开始思考， 如果我要在战争区，难民营

to parent my children in a war zone and a refugee camp.

抚养我的孩子会是怎样的呢？

我的孩子们会变得不一样吗？

Would my children change?

Would my daughter's bright, happy eyes lose their shine?

我的女儿那明亮的， 带笑的眼睛会失去神采吗？

我的儿子那放松的，无忧无虑的性情 会变得胆怯而孤僻吗？

Would my son's really relaxed and carefree nature become fearful and withdrawn?

How would I cope?

我又该如何应对呢？

我会变得不一样吗？

Would I change?

As psychologists and parent trainers,

作为心理学家兼家长培训员，

we know that arming parents with skills in caring for their children

我们知道教导家长育儿的技巧

can have a huge effect on their well-being,

对他们孩子的健康成长 会有巨大的作用

我们把这称为家长培训。

and we call this parent training.

The question I had was,

而我提出的问题就是，

could parent training programs be useful for families

家长培训项目对于仍处于

战争区的，或是难民营的家庭 是否会有用呢？

while they were still in war zones or refugee camps?

Could we reach them with advice or training

我们是否能够带给他们建议与训练

that would help them through these struggles?

来帮助他们度过这些挣扎呢？

So I approached my PhD supervisor,

所以说我就找到了我的博导，

Professor Rachel Calam,

雷切尔･卡勒门教授，

with the idea of using my academic skills to make some change in the real world.

和她讲述了我想要运用学术技能 帮助改变现实世界的想法。

I wasn't quite sure what exactly I wanted to do.

我并不是很确定具体想要做什么。

She listened carefully and patiently,

她很认真的，耐心的聆听了，

and then to my joy she said,

然后，让我感到 十分高兴的是，她说，

"If that's what you want to do, and it means so much to you,

“如果你想要这样做，而且 它确实对你意义重大的话，

then let's do it.

让我们一起做吧。

Let's find ways to see if parent programs

让我们找找办法，看看是否 能够让家长培训计划

can be useful for families in these contexts."

对那种背景下的家庭也起效用。”

So for the past five years, myself and my colleagues --

所以说，在过去的五年当中， 我和我的同事们--

Prof. Calam and Dr. Kim Cartwright --

卡勒门教授和基姆･卡特莱特博士--

have been working on ways to support families

一直在从事着寻找能帮助那些

that have experienced war and displacement.

经历过战争或是 背井离乡的家庭的方法。

Now, to know how to help families that have been through conflict

那么，想要知道如何帮助 那些经历过冲突的家庭

support their children,

养育他们的孩子，

the first step must obviously be to ask them what they're struggling with,

第一步，当然很明显是去 调查他们正在面对的问题，

right?

对吧？

I mean, it seems obvious.

我的意思是，这应该是挺明确的。

But it's often those that are the most vulnerable,

但是，我们想要去帮助的， 常常是那些

that we're trying to support,

最脆弱的人群，

that we actually don't ask.

而我们其实没有去询问他们。

How many times have we just assumed we know exactly the right thing

有多少次，我们就擅自假设 我们确切知道什么东西

that's going to help someone or something without actually asking them first?

能够帮助到他们， 却不事先询问他们？

So I travelled to refugee camps in Syria and in Turkey,

所以，我去了叙利亚 和土耳其的难民营，

and I sat with families, and I listened.

我和那些家庭坐在一起， 聆听他们的视角。

聆听他们的育儿挑战，

I listened to their parenting challenges,

I listened to their parenting struggles

聆听他们的育儿困难，

and I listened to their call for help.

聆听他们寻求帮助的声音。

And sometimes that was just paused,

有的时候会突然停下来，

as all I could do was hold hands with them

而我能做的就是牵住他们的手，

and just join them in silent crying and prayer.

加入他们无声的哭泣与祈祷当中。

They told me about their struggles,

他们和我诉说他们的艰难挣扎，

they told me about the rough, harsh refugee camp conditions

他们告诉我那些艰苦， 严峻的难民营条件，

that made it hard to focus on anything but practical chores

这使得他们很难做任何事 而只能将注意力放在像是

like collecting clean water.

收集干净水这样的 可以做的杂事上。

They told me how they watched their children withdraw;

他们告诉我他们是如何 目睹孩子们变得孤僻；

the sadness, depression, anger,

那些伤感，压抑，愤怒，

bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, fear of loud noises,

尿床，吮吸手指， 害怕巨大的声响，

fear of nightmares --

对噩梦的恐惧--

可怕，非常可怕的噩梦。

terrifying, terrifying nightmares.

These families had been through what we had been watching on the TV.

这些家庭经历了那些我们 在电视上看过的画面。

这些母亲--

The mothers --

almost half of them were now widows of war,

她们中几乎一半的人， 因为战争成为了寡妇，

or didn't even know if their husbands were dead or alive --

或者是根本不清楚 她们的丈夫是死是活--

described how they felt they were coping so badly.

描述了她们感觉自己 在多么难过地接受一切。

They watched their children change and they had no idea how to help them.

她们目睹着他们孩子们的改变， 却对此无能为力。

They didn't know how to answer their children's questions.

她们不知道该如何回答 她们孩子们的提问。

What I found incredibly astonishing and so motivational

我发现的难以置信般惊人的， 鼓舞人心的事情是

was that these families were so motivated to support their children.

这些家庭居然这般积极的 去支持他们的孩子们。

Despite all these challenges they faced,

尽管面临了这么多的挑战，

they were trying to help their children.

他们仍然努力去帮助他们的孩子们。

They were making attempts at seeking support from NGO workers,

他们尝试从非政府组织的工作人员，

from refugee camp teachers,

从难民营教师那里，

professional medics,

专业的医务人员，

other parents.

或是其他家长那里寻求帮助。

One mother I met had only been in a camp for four days,

我见过的，有一个妈妈，仅仅是 在一个难民营里呆了四天，

就曾两次试图

and had already made two attempts

at seeking support for her eight-year-old daughter

为她八岁的，受到噩梦折磨的女儿

who was having terrifying nightmares.

寻求帮助。

But sadly, these attempts are almost always useless.

但可悲的是，这些尝试 大多是无功而返。

Refugee camp doctors, when available,

难民营的那些医生， 要是有医生的话，

are almost always too busy,

总是要么太忙，

or don't have the knowledge or the time for basic parenting supports.

要么没有基本育儿帮助的 相关知识或时间。

Refugee camp teachers and other parents are just like them --

难民营的教师或是其他家长， 也跟那些医生一样--

part of a new refugee community who's struggling with new needs.

成为新难民营的一部分， 为新的需求而奋斗。

So then we began to think.

这时我们就会开始思考。

How could we help these families?

我们应该如何帮助这些家庭呢？

The families were struggling with things much bigger than they could cope with.

这些家庭正与远超过 自身应对能力的事情做斗争。

The Syrian crisis made it clear

叙利亚危机已经让我们看清楚

how incredibly impossible it would be to reach families on an individual level.

想要从个体层面去帮助这些家庭 是多么不可思议般的不切实际。

How else could we help them?

那我们又能如何帮助他们呢？

How would we reach families at a population level

我们应该如何 在这些极度恐怖的时期

对整个群体，以低成本方式

and low costs

in these terrifying, terrifying times?

去帮助这些家庭呢？

After hours of speaking to NGO workers,

在与非政府组织工作人员 数小时的谈话之后，

one suggested a fantastic innovative idea

有一个人提出了一个 神奇的，新颖的观点

of distributing parenting information leaflets via bread wrappers --

那就是通过面包包装袋 来宣传育儿信息页--

bread wrappers that were being delivered to families in a conflict zone in Syria

就是那些在叙利亚战区 由人道主义工作人员

发放给家庭的面包包装袋。

by humanitarian workers.

So that's what we did.

那就是我们所做的。

The bread wrappers haven't changed at all in their appearance,

那些面包包装袋的外表 一点儿也没有改变，

except for the addition of two pieces of paper.

除了增加了额外的两页纸。

One was a parenting information leaflet that had basic advice and information

其中一页是一张育儿信息宣传页， 包括了一些基本的建议与信息，

that normalized to the parent what they might be experiencing,

普式化的阐述了 家长们可能正在经历的，

and what their child might be experiencing.

以及孩子们可能正在经历的东西。

And information on how they could support themselves and their children,

一些关于他们应该如何帮助 他们自己和孩子们的信息，

such as information like spending time talking to your child,

比如花些时间和孩子们交流，

showing them more affection,

向他们展现更多爱意，

being more patient with your child,

对孩子们更加有耐心，

talking to your children.

多和孩子们沟通。

The other piece of paper was a feedback questionnaire,

另外一张纸则是 一个反馈调查问卷，

and of course, there was a pen.

当然，还有一支笔。

So is this simply leaflet distribution,

所以这仅仅是宣传页发放吗？

or is this actually a possible means of delivering psychological first aid

或者是实际的提供心理救急， 带来温暖的，安全的，充满爱意的

that provides warm, secure, loving parenting?

育儿方式的一种可能的手段呢？

We managed to distribute 3,000 of these in just one week.

我们做到了在一周之内就发放了 3000份这样的宣传页。

What was incredible was we had a 60 percent response rate.

令人感到不可思议的是， 我们竟然得到了60%的反馈率。

60 percent of the 3,000 families responded.

3000个家庭中， 有六成的家庭回复了。

I don't know how many researchers we have here today,

我不知道今天在座的 有多少研究人员，

but that kind of response rate is fantastic.

但是这样的反馈率可以说是惊人的。

To have that in Manchester would be a huge achievement,

如果能够在曼彻斯特得到那样的反馈率 就已经是一个伟大的成就了，

let alone in a conflict zone in Syria --

更别说是在叙利亚的武装冲突区域--

really highlighting how important these kinds of messages were to families.

这足以证明那样的信息对于 那些家庭来说是多么的重要

I remember how excited and eager we were for the return of the questionnaires.

我还记得等待回收调查问卷时 那种激动的，渴望的心情。

The families had left hundreds of messages --

这些家庭留下了数以百计的信息--

most incredibly positive and encouraging.

大多数都是非常正面的，鼓励性的。

But my favorite has got to be,

但是我最喜欢的还是，

"Thank you for not forgetting about us and our children."

“感谢你们没有忘记我们 和我们的孩子们。”

This really illustrates the potential means

这件事指明了把心理救助送到这些家庭

of the delivery of psychological first aid to families,

并收到他们的反馈

and the return of feedback, too.

的可能的途径。

Just imagine replicating this using other means

想象一下通过其他途径复制这一做法，

such as baby milk distribution, or female hygiene kits,

比如分发婴儿奶粉 或是女士卫生巾包

or even food baskets.

又甚至是食品篮。

But let's bring this closer to home,

但是让我们把这件事 带进我们自身的生活

because the refugee crisis

因为难民危机

is one that is having an effect on every single one of us.

事实上正影响着我们每一个人。

We're bombarded with images daily of statistics and of photos,

我们每天都被这些数据， 照片的图像轰击着，

and that's not surprising,

这一点儿也不惊奇，

because by last month,

因为截止到上个月，

over one million refugees had reached Europe.

超过100万的难民已经到达欧洲。

One million.

100万。

Refugees are joining our communities,

难民们正加入我们的社区，

they're becoming our neighbors,

他们成为我们的邻居，

their children are attending our children's schools.

他们的孩子正在 我们孩子们的学校上学。

所以我们修改了传单， 以满足欧洲难民群体的需求，

So we've adapted the leaflet to meet the needs of European refugees,

and we have them online, open-access,

我们把这些信息放在网上，开放阅览，

in areas with a really high refugee influx.

放置在那些有着极高难民潮的地区。

For example, the Swedish healthcare uploaded it onto their website,

举个例子，瑞典医疗保健 将文件上传到了他们的网站上，

and within the first 45 minutes,

在头45分钟里，

it was downloaded 343 times --

文件就被下载了343次--

really highlighting how important it is

这也说明了让志愿者，

for volunteers, practitioners and other parents

医师从业人员和其他家长

to have open-access, psychological first-aid messages.

能够开放阅览这些 心理急救文件的重要性。

2013年，我坐在冰冷的， 坚硬的难民营帐篷的地上，

In 2013, I was sitting on the cold, hard floor of a refugee camp tent

with mothers sitting around me as I was conducting a focus group.

母亲们围绕着我而坐， 我在举行焦点小组活动。

在我对面站着一个上了年纪的妇女，

Across from me stood an elderly lady

with what seemed to be a 13-year-old girl lying beside her,

她的身别躺着一个 看起来13岁大的女孩儿，

with her head on the elderly lady's knees.

她的头依偎在那个妇女的膝盖上。

The girl stayed quiet throughout the focus group,

那个女孩儿在整个 焦点小组过程中都保持沉默，

not talking at all,

什么话也没说，

with her knees curled up against her chest.

她的膝盖蜷缩在她的胸前。

Towards the end of the focus group,

直到焦点小组活动尾声，

and as I was thanking the mothers for their time,

正当我感谢参与的母亲们的时候，

the elderly lady looked at me while pointing at the young girl,

那个妇女边看着我， 边指着那个年轻的女孩儿，

and said to me, "Can you help us with...?"

她对我说，“你能够帮帮我们，吗？”

Not quite sure what she expected me to do,

虽然不是很清楚她希望我去做些什么，

I looked at the young girl and smiled,

我看着那个年轻的女孩儿，微笑着

and in Arabic I said,

用阿拉伯语说，

"Salaam alaikum. Shu-ismak?"

"Salaam alaikum. Shu-ismak?"

"What's your name?"

“你叫什么名字？”

She looked at me really confused and unengaged,

她看着我，十分困惑，游离，

but then said, "Halul."

然后她说，“Halul"。

Halul is the pet's name for the Arabic female name, Hala,

Halul是宠物的名字， 阿拉伯女名是Hala，

and is only really used to refer to really young girls.

Halul真的只能用于称呼 年纪非常小的女孩儿。

At that point I realized that actually Hala was probably much older than 13.

那时我突然意识到， Hala可能远不止13岁。

It turns out Hala was a 25-year-old mother to three young children.

结果表明，Hala是一个25岁的， 三个孩子的妈妈了。

Hala had been a confident, bright, bubbly, loving, caring mother

Hala曾经是一个自信的，阳光的， 活泼的，充满爱意的，

to her children,

对孩子十分慈爱的母亲，

but the war had changed all of that.

但是战争改变了这所有的一切。

She had lived through bombs being dropped in her town;

她幸免于在她家乡投下的炸弹；

she had lived through explosions.

她在爆炸中存活了下来。

When fighter jets were flying around their building,

当战斗机驶过他们的楼房，

dropping bombs,

投射炸弹，

her children would be screaming, terrified from the noise.

她的孩子们会被那种 噪声吓到，惊恐地尖叫。

Hala would frantically grab pillows and cover her children's ears

Hala就疯狂的抓取枕头， 捂住孩子们的耳朵

to block out the noise,

隔离那些噪音，

all the while screaming herself.

尽管自己在惊叫着。

When they reached the refugee camp

当她们到达了难民营，

and she knew they were finally in some kind of safety,

她知道他们终于得到了 一定程度上的安全，

she completely withdrew to acting like her old childhood self.

她变得完全逃离现实， 行为像她自己童年时一样。

She completely rejected her family --

她完全排斥了她的家庭--

her children, her husband.

她的孩子，她的丈夫。

Hala simply could no longer cope.

Hala仅仅是无法再面对这一切了。

This is a parenting struggle with a really tough ending,

这是一个有着艰难结局的 育儿斗争的例子，

but sadly, it's not uncommon.

但是不幸的是，这种情况并不罕见。

Those who experience armed conflict and displacement

那些经历了武装冲突和移民的人们

will face serious emotional struggles.

一定会面对严峻的情感斗争。

And that's something we can all relate to.

而这也都与我们息息相关。

If you have been through a devastating time in your life,

如果你的人生中曾经有过 这样毁灭性的时刻，

if you have lost someone or something you really care about,

如果你曾经失去过你真正 关心的人或事情的话，

你又会如何继续应对呢？

how would you continue to cope?

Could you still be able to care for yourself and for your family?

你还能够照顾好自己和你的家人吗？

Given that the first years of a child's life are crucial

考虑到孩子生命中的 最初几年，对于身心健康

for healthy physical and emotional development,

是至关重要的，

and that 1.5 billion people are experiencing armed conflict --

而那15亿人正经历着武装冲突--

many of whom are now joining our communities --

他们中的很多 正加入到我们的社区当中--

we cannot afford to turn a blind eye

我们不能对那些 正经历着战争，背井离乡的

to the needs of those who are experiencing war and displacement.

人们的需求熟视无睹。

We must prioritize these families' needs --

我们必须优先考虑这些家庭的需求--

both those who are internally displaced, and those who are refugees worldwide.

无论是在国内流离失所的人， 还是世界范围内的难民。

These needs must be prioritized by NGO workers, policy makers,

这些需求必须被非政府组织 工作人员，政策制定者们，

the WHO, the UNHCR and every single one of us

世界卫生组织，联合国难民署， 还有我们每一个人

in whatever capacity it is that we function in our society.

无论我们在社会中扮演着怎样的角色， 我们要将这些需求优先化。

When we begin to recognize the individual faces of the conflict,

当我们开始意识到 这些冲突当中的个人存在，

when we begin to notice those intricate emotions on their faces,

当我们开始注意到 他们脸上那些复杂的神情，

we begin to see them as humans, too.

我们也将他们 当作人民对待，

We begin to see the needs of these families,

我们就开始理解这些家庭的诉求，

and these are the real human needs.

这些都是人类所真正需要的。

When these family needs are prioritized,

当这些家庭的需求被优先对待，

interventions for children in humanitarian settings

对于孩子的人道主义干预将被优先化

will prioritize and recognize the primary role of the family in supporting children.

人们将认识到家庭 在抚养孩子问题上的根基地位。

Family mental health will be shouting loud and clear

家庭精神健康问题将会 在世界范围内，国际日程表中，

in global, international agenda.

被大声的，清晰的喊叫出来。

And children will be less likely to enter social service systems

那些孩子就减少了在移民国家

in resettlement countries

进入社会福利系统的几率，

because their families would have had support earlier on.

因为他们的父母 在更早的时候就得到了支持。

And we will be more open-minded,

我们将会变得更加开放，

more welcoming, more caring

更加欢迎，更加关怀，

and more trusting to those who are joining our communities.

更加信任那些加入我们社区的人们。

We need to stop wars.

我们要停止战争。

We need to build a world where children can dream of planes dropping gifts,

我们要去建造这样一个世界， 那里的孩子们会梦想飞机投下礼物

and not bombs.

而非炸弹。

Until we stop armed conflicts raging throughout the world,

直到我们结束 世界范围内的武装冲突之前，

families will continue to be displaced,

家庭还会继续流离，

leaving children vulnerable.

继续使孩子们脆弱。

But by improving parenting and caregiver support,

但是通过加强父母育儿 和照料者的支持，

it may be possible to weaken the links between war and psychological difficulties

我们还是有可能去减弱 在孩子和家庭中发生的

in children and their families.

战争与心理创伤之间的关联性的。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）