What it's like to be a parent in a war zone | Aala El-Khani

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Jack Zhang

Worldwide, over 1.5 billion people experience armed conflict.

全世界，有 15 億人經歷武裝衝突。

In response, people are forced to flee their country,

他們因此被迫逃離祖國，

leaving over 15 million refugees.

造成超過一千五百萬個難民。

Children, without a doubt,

無疑的，孩童

are the most innocent and vulnerable victims ...

是最無辜、最脆弱的受害者。

but not just from the obvious physical dangers,

他們不只面臨明顯的實體危害，

but from the often unspoken effects that wars have on their families.

還會受到戰爭對他們的 家庭造成的無聲影響。

The experiences of war leave children at a real high risk

戰爭的經歷讓孩童有很高的風險，

for the development of emotional and behavioral problems.

可能會發展出情緒和行為問題。

Children, as we can only imagine,

我們只能想像，孩童

will feel worried, threatened and at risk.

會感到擔心、被威脅、面臨風險。

But there is good news.

但有個好消息，

The quality of care that children receive in their families

孩童的幸福比較會受到

can have a more significant effect on their well-being

他們在家中受到的照顧 之品質好壞所影響，

than from the actual experiences of war that they have been exposed to.

他們所接觸的戰爭經歷 造成的影響相對沒這麼大。

So actually, children can be protected

其實，孩童可以被保護，

by warm, secure parenting during and after conflict.

方式是在衝突中及衝突後， 提供他們溫暖安全的養育。

In 2011, I was a first-year PhD student

2011 年時， 我是博士班一年級學生，

in the University of Manchester School of Psychological Sciences.

就讀曼徹斯特大學的心理科學系。

Like many of you here,

跟你們許多人一樣，

I watched the crisis in Syria unfold in front of me on the TV.

我在電視上看到敘利亞危機爆發。

My family is originally from Syria,

我的家庭是來自敘利亞。

and very early on,

非常早的時候，

I lost several family members in really horrifying ways.

我就以非常可怕的方式 失去了數名家人。

I'd sit and I'd gather with my family and watch the TV.

我會坐著，和家人 聚在一起，看電視。

We've all seen those scenes:

我們都曾看過那些場景：

bombs destroying buildings,

炸彈摧毀建築、

chaos, destruction

混亂、毀滅、

and people screaming and running.

人們尖叫、竄逃。

It was always the people screaming and running that really got me the most,

讓我最有感觸的總是 人們尖叫、竄逃的部份，

especially those terrified-looking children.

特別是那些看來嚇壞的孩童。

I was a mother to two young, typically inquisitive children.

我是個母親，有兩個小孩， 都是典型的好奇寶寶，

They were five and six then,

當時他們分別是五歲和六歲。

at an age where they typically asked lots and lots of questions,

在那個年齡， 他們通常會問很多問題，

and expected real, convincing answers.

且期望得到真實、有說服力的答案。

So, I began to wonder what it might be like

所以我開始納悶，如果在

to parent my children in a war zone and a refugee camp.

戰區和難民營中養育我的孩子 會是怎樣的狀況？

Would my children change?

我的孩子會改變嗎？

Would my daughter's bright, happy eyes lose their shine?

我女兒那明亮快樂的雙眼 會失去光芒嗎？

Would my son's really relaxed and carefree nature become fearful and withdrawn?

我兒子那悠閒自在的天性 會變得恐懼退縮嗎？

How would I cope?

我要如何處理？

Would I change?

我會改變嗎？

As psychologists and parent trainers,

我們這些心理學家 和父母訓練者知道，

we know that arming parents with skills in caring for their children

提供父母照顧孩子的技能，

can have a huge effect on their well-being,

對於他們的幸福能有很大的影響。

and we call this parent training.

我們稱這為父母訓練。

The question I had was,

我的問題是，

could parent training programs be useful for families

父母訓練專案對於那些

while they were still in war zones or refugee camps?

還在戰區或難民營的家庭會有用嗎？

Could we reach them with advice or training

我們是否能接觸到他們， 提供建議或是訓練，

that would help them through these struggles?

來協助他們渡過這些困難？

So I approached my PhD supervisor,

所以我去找了我的 博士學位指導教授，

Professor Rachel Calam,

瑞秋卡蘭博士，

with the idea of using my academic skills to make some change in the real world.

告訴她我的想法是用我的 學術技能在真實世界上做出改變。

I wasn't quite sure what exactly I wanted to do.

我不太確定我到底想做什麼，

She listened carefully and patiently,

她很仔細且耐心地聽著，

and then to my joy she said,

接著她說的話讓我很高興：

"If that's what you want to do, and it means so much to you,

「如果那是你想做的事、 且對你有如此重大的意義，

then let's do it.

那就做吧！

Let's find ways to see if parent programs

我們來找看看有什麼方法 可以使父母專案

can be useful for families in these contexts."

也能對那些情境中的 家庭有所幫助。」

So for the past five years, myself and my colleagues --

所以過去五年，我自己和我同事──

Prof. Calam and Dr. Kim Cartwright --

卡蘭教授和金卡特萊博士──

have been working on ways to support families

致力於尋找方法來支持那些

that have experienced war and displacement.

經歷了戰爭與遷移的家庭。

Now, to know how to help families that have been through conflict

若要知道如何幫助 那些經歷過衝突的家庭、

support their children,

如何支援他們的孩子，

the first step must obviously be to ask them what they're struggling with,

第一步驟很明顯是要詢問 他們的困難是什麼，

right?

對吧？

I mean, it seems obvious.

我的意思是，這似乎很明顯。

But it's often those that are the most vulnerable,

但通常，我們實際上卻不會去問

that we're trying to support,

那些最脆弱的的人、

that we actually don't ask.

我們試圖去支援的人。

How many times have we just assumed we know exactly the right thing

我們多常會直接假設， 我們很清楚要協助

that's going to help someone or something without actually asking them first?

某人或某事時該做的是什麼， 卻沒有真正先問當事人？

So I travelled to refugee camps in Syria and in Turkey,

所以我旅行到敘利亞和 土耳其的難民營，

and I sat with families, and I listened.

和許多家庭坐下來談，我傾聽他們，

I listened to their parenting challenges,

我傾聽他們 在養育上的挑戰是什麼，

I listened to their parenting struggles

我傾聽他們 在養育上的困難是什麼，

and I listened to their call for help.

我傾聽他們的求助。

And sometimes that was just paused,

有時候會中斷停下來，

as all I could do was hold hands with them

因為我能做的只有握住他們的手，

and just join them in silent crying and prayer.

和他們一起默默地落淚和禱告。

They told me about their struggles,

他們告訴我他們的困難，

they told me about the rough, harsh refugee camp conditions

他們告訴我難民營的條件 有多簡陋惡劣，

that made it hard to focus on anything but practical chores

讓他們很難聚焦做任何事， 只能做家庭雜務，

like collecting clean water.

比如收集乾淨的水。

They told me how they watched their children withdraw;

他們告訴我他們如何看著孩子退縮，

the sadness, depression, anger,

那悲傷、沮喪、憤怒、

bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, fear of loud noises,

尿床、吮手指、害怕大聲的噪音、

fear of nightmares --

害怕惡夢……

terrifying, terrifying nightmares.

非常非常恐怖的惡夢。

These families had been through what we had been watching on the TV.

這些家庭經歷了 我們在電視上看到的那些狀況。

The mothers --

那些母親們……

almost half of them were now widows of war,

幾乎有一半在戰爭中喪偶，

or didn't even know if their husbands were dead or alive --

或是不知道丈夫是生是死。

described how they felt they were coping so badly.

她們訴說著她們 覺得自己處理得有多糟。

They watched their children change and they had no idea how to help them.

她們看著自己的孩子改變， 卻不知道怎麼幫助他們，

They didn't know how to answer their children's questions.

她們不知道怎麼回答孩子的問題。

What I found incredibly astonishing and so motivational

讓我覺得最震驚且最激勵我的事，

was that these families were so motivated to support their children.

是這些家庭很積極 想要支持他們的孩子。

Despite all these challenges they faced,

儘管他們面臨這些挑戰，

they were trying to help their children.

他們仍然試著協助他們的孩子，

They were making attempts at seeking support from NGO workers,

他們試圖求助的對象 包括非政府組織人員、

from refugee camp teachers,

難民營老師、

professional medics,

專業醫務員、

other parents.

及其他父母。

One mother I met had only been in a camp for four days,

我見到一位母親，她才到營中四天，

and had already made two attempts

就已經做了兩項嘗試，

at seeking support for her eight-year-old daughter

試著尋求支助，幫助她那飽受

who was having terrifying nightmares.

可怕惡夢所苦的八歲女兒。

But sadly, these attempts are almost always useless.

但不幸的是， 那些嘗試幾乎總是無用的。

Refugee camp doctors, when available,

當難民營醫生能接受看診時，

are almost always too busy,

他們幾乎總是很忙碌，

or don't have the knowledge or the time for basic parenting supports.

或是沒有知識或時間 來協助養育方面的問題。

Refugee camp teachers and other parents are just like them --

難民營老師和其他父母的 狀況都和他們一樣──

part of a new refugee community who's struggling with new needs.

都是新難民社區的一部份， 且為了新的需求而掙扎著。

So then we began to think.

所以我們開始想，

How could we help these families?

我們要如何協助這些家庭？

The families were struggling with things much bigger than they could cope with.

這些家庭所遇到的困難 遠超過他們能處理的程度。

The Syrian crisis made it clear

敘利亞危機讓我們知道，

how incredibly impossible it would be to reach families on an individual level.

想在個人層級上去接觸家庭 是非常不可能的。

How else could we help them?

我們還能用什麼 其他方式協助他們？

How would we reach families at a population level

我們要如何在非常非常恐怖的時期，

and low costs

在群體居民的層級上，

in these terrifying, terrifying times?

以低成本接觸到家庭？

After hours of speaking to NGO workers,

在和非政府組織人員 談了數小時後，

one suggested a fantastic innovative idea

有個人提出一項非常創新的好建議，

of distributing parenting information leaflets via bread wrappers --

用包麵包的紙 來發送養育資訊的傳單。

bread wrappers that were being delivered to families in a conflict zone in Syria

人道主義工作者會把包麵包的紙

送到敘利亞衝突區的家庭中。

by humanitarian workers.

So that's what we did.

所以我們就那麼做了。

The bread wrappers haven't changed at all in their appearance,

包麵包的紙在外表上完全沒改變，

except for the addition of two pieces of paper.

只是多了額外的兩張紙：

One was a parenting information leaflet that had basic advice and information

一張是養育資訊傳單， 上面有基本建議和資訊，

that normalized to the parent what they might be experiencing,

都是一般父母自身 可能正在經歷的狀況、

and what their child might be experiencing.

他們的孩子可能正在經歷的狀況。

And information on how they could support themselves and their children,

傳單上也提供如何支持 他們自己和孩子的相關資訊，

such as information like spending time talking to your child,

這些資訊包括 比如花時間和孩子說話、

showing them more affection,

對他們展現更多感情、

being more patient with your child,

對孩子更有耐心、

talking to your children.

和孩子說話。

The other piece of paper was a feedback questionnaire,

另一張紙是回饋問卷，

and of course, there was a pen.

當然，也有附一枝筆。

So is this simply leaflet distribution,

所以，這只不過是發傳單？

or is this actually a possible means of delivering psychological first aid

或是這真的是種可行的手段， 能提供溫暖、安全、慈愛的養育，

that provides warm, secure, loving parenting?

將心理急救遞送過去給他們？

We managed to distribute 3,000 of these in just one week.

我們只在一週內 就成功發送出 3000 份，

What was incredible was we had a 60 percent response rate.

很不可思議的是回應率有 60%，

60 percent of the 3,000 families responded.

三千個家庭中有 60% 回覆了問卷。

I don't know how many researchers we have here today,

我不知道今天 在現場有多少研究者，

but that kind of response rate is fantastic.

但這種回應率實在太棒了。

To have that in Manchester would be a huge achievement,

在曼徹斯特若有這種回應率 就可以算是很大的成就，

let alone in a conflict zone in Syria --

何況是在敘利亞的衝突區。

really highlighting how important these kinds of messages were to families.

這突顯出這類資訊 對那些家庭有多重要。

I remember how excited and eager we were for the return of the questionnaires.

我還記得收到回覆的回卷時， 我們有多興奮和熱切。

The families had left hundreds of messages --

那些家庭留下了數以百計的訊息──

most incredibly positive and encouraging.

大部份都非常正面且鼓舞人心。

But my favorite has got to be,

但我最愛的是這一則：

"Thank you for not forgetting about us and our children."

「謝謝你們沒有忘記 我們和我們的孩子。」

This really illustrates the potential means

這真的說明了將心理急救

of the delivery of psychological first aid to families,

遞送到家庭中的可行手段，

and the return of feedback, too.

同時還可得到回饋。

Just imagine replicating this using other means

想像一下套用其他手段 來複製這做法，

such as baby milk distribution, or female hygiene kits,

比如兒童牛奶配送、 或是女性衛生包、

or even food baskets.

甚至食物籃。

But let's bring this closer to home,

但是我們先把這帶到 離家近一點的地方，

because the refugee crisis

因為難民危機

is one that is having an effect on every single one of us.

對我們每個人都有影響。

We're bombarded with images daily of statistics and of photos,

我們每天被統計數字 和照片給轟炸著。

and that's not surprising,

那並不讓人意外，

because by last month,

因為上個月，

over one million refugees had reached Europe.

有超過一百萬難民抵達歐洲，

One million.

一百萬！

Refugees are joining our communities,

難民開始加入我們的社區，

they're becoming our neighbors,

他們變成我們的鄰居，

their children are attending our children's schools.

他們的孩子會跟 我們的孩子上同一間學校。

So we've adapted the leaflet to meet the needs of European refugees,

所以我們修改了傳單 以符合歐洲難民的需求。

and we have them online, open-access,

我們把它們放上網，開放取用，

in areas with a really high refugee influx.

放在有大量難民湧入的區域，

For example, the Swedish healthcare uploaded it onto their website,

比如，瑞士健康照顧 就把它上傳到他們的網站上。

and within the first 45 minutes,

才上傳 45 分鐘，

it was downloaded 343 times --

就有 343 次下載。

really highlighting how important it is

這顯示出，非常重要的是要

for volunteers, practitioners and other parents

讓志工、醫生、及其他父母

to have open-access, psychological first-aid messages.

能取得公開取用的心理急救訊息。

In 2013, I was sitting on the cold, hard floor of a refugee camp tent

在 2013 年，我在難民營的帳篷中 坐在冰冷的硬地板上，

with mothers sitting around me as I was conducting a focus group.

我在進行一個焦點團體訪談， 許多母親圍繞在我身邊。

Across from me stood an elderly lady

我對面站著一個老女人，

with what seemed to be a 13-year-old girl lying beside her,

有個看似 13 歲的女孩 躺在她身邊，

with her head on the elderly lady's knees.

頭放在老女人的膝蓋上。

The girl stayed quiet throughout the focus group,

整過個程中女孩很安靜，

not talking at all,

完全沒說話，

with her knees curled up against her chest.

整個人蜷曲著，膝蓋靠向胸部。

Towards the end of the focus group,

在焦點團體訪談尾聲，

and as I was thanking the mothers for their time,

我正在感謝母親們花時間來，

the elderly lady looked at me while pointing at the young girl,

老女人看著我，手指向那女孩，

and said to me, "Can you help us with...?"

對我說：「你能幫幫我們嗎……？」

Not quite sure what she expected me to do,

我不太確定她期望我做什麼，

I looked at the young girl and smiled,

我微笑看著小女孩，

and in Arabic I said,

我用阿拉伯語說：

"Salaam alaikum. Shu-ismak?"

「Salaam alaikum. Shu-ismak?」

"What's your name?"

「你好，你叫什麼名字？」

She looked at me really confused and unengaged,

她看著我，表情困惑， 完全在狀況外。

but then said, "Halul."

但接著她說：「赫魯爾。」

Halul is the pet's name for the Arabic female name, Hala,

赫魯爾是寵物用的名字， 來自阿拉伯女性名字赫拉，

and is only really used to refer to really young girls.

只會用來稱呼非常小的女孩。

At that point I realized that actually Hala was probably much older than 13.

那時，我了解到赫拉的 實際年齡很可能遠大於 13 歲。

It turns out Hala was a 25-year-old mother to three young children.

結果赫拉是 25 歲， 且是三個孩子的媽。

Hala had been a confident, bright, bubbly, loving, caring mother

對她的孩子來說，赫拉過去 是個有自信、聰明、活潑、

to her children,

慈愛、關懷的母親，

but the war had changed all of that.

但戰爭改變了一切。

She had lived through bombs being dropped in her town;

她經歷過炸彈被投在她的小鎮上，

she had lived through explosions.

她經歷過爆炸。

When fighter jets were flying around their building,

當戰機在他們的樓房附近飛行，

dropping bombs,

投下炸彈，

her children would be screaming, terrified from the noise.

她的孩子會尖叫，害怕那噪音，

Hala would frantically grab pillows and cover her children's ears

赫拉會瘋狂地抓枕頭 來蓋住孩子的耳朵，

to block out the noise,

擋住噪音，

all the while screaming herself.

她自己則一直尖叫。

When they reached the refugee camp

當他們到達難民營，

and she knew they were finally in some kind of safety,

她知道他們終於得到某種安全了，

she completely withdrew to acting like her old childhood self.

她完全退縮回去， 行為舉止回到孩童時期，

She completely rejected her family --

她完全排拒她的家庭、

her children, her husband.

她的孩子、她的先生。

Hala simply could no longer cope.

赫拉就是再也無法承受了。

This is a parenting struggle with a really tough ending,

這是個養育的掙扎困境， 而結局很困苦。

but sadly, it's not uncommon.

但很讓人悲傷的是，這很常見。

Those who experience armed conflict and displacement

經歷過武裝衝突和遷移的人，

will face serious emotional struggles.

會要面對嚴重的情緒掙扎。

And that's something we can all relate to.

那是我們都能懂的，

If you have been through a devastating time in your life,

如果你在人生中有經過 讓你身心交瘁的時期，

if you have lost someone or something you really care about,

如果你失去過 你非常在乎的人或物，

how would you continue to cope?

你要如何繼續承受下去？

Could you still be able to care for yourself and for your family?

你仍然能夠照顧 你自己和你的家庭嗎？

Given that the first years of a child's life are crucial

孩子生命中的前幾年，

對他們的身體和情緒 能否健康發展，是很關鍵的。

for healthy physical and emotional development,

and that 1.5 billion people are experiencing armed conflict --

而那十五億人在經歷武裝衝突──

many of whom are now joining our communities --

當中許多人加入了我們的社區──

we cannot afford to turn a blind eye

我們不能視若無睹，

to the needs of those who are experiencing war and displacement.

不能忽略那些經歷了 戰爭和遷移的人的需求。

We must prioritize these families' needs --

我們得優先處理這些家庭的需求，

both those who are internally displaced, and those who are refugees worldwide.

包括留在國內被迫遷移的人、 以及全世界的難民。

These needs must be prioritized by NGO workers, policy makers,

這些需求需要被優先處理， 由非政府組織人員、政策制訂者、

the WHO, the UNHCR and every single one of us

世界衛生組織、聯合國難民署、 以及我們每個人一同努力，

in whatever capacity it is that we function in our society.

用我們在社會上的功能 來盡一份心力。

When we begin to recognize the individual faces of the conflict,

當我們能開始辨認出 衝突中每一張臉孔，

when we begin to notice those intricate emotions on their faces,

當我們能開始注意到 他們臉孔上錯綜複雜的情緒，

we begin to see them as humans, too.

我們也就開始 將他們視為人類來看待了。

We begin to see the needs of these families,

我們會開始看見這些家庭的需求，

and these are the real human needs.

這些需求是真正的人類需求。

When these family needs are prioritized,

當這些家庭需求能被優先處理，

interventions for children in humanitarian settings

在人道主義環境中 為孩童進行的干預手段，

will prioritize and recognize the primary role of the family in supporting children.

將會重視和認可 家庭是支持孩童的最主要角色。

Family mental health will be shouting loud and clear

在全球及國際議程中， 家庭心理健康將會

in global, international agenda.

大聲且清楚地發聲。

And children will be less likely to enter social service systems

而孩童比較不會需要進入 重新安置國家中的

in resettlement countries

社會服務體制，

because their families would have had support earlier on.

因為他們的家庭會 在那之前就提供支持。

And we will be more open-minded,

我們也會比較開放、

more welcoming, more caring

比較歡迎、比較關懷、

and more trusting to those who are joining our communities.

也比較相信那些加入我們社區的人。

We need to stop wars.

我們必須要停止戰爭，

We need to build a world where children can dream of planes dropping gifts,

我們需要打造一個世界， 讓孩童作的夢是飛機投下禮物，

and not bombs.

而不是炸彈。

Until we stop armed conflicts raging throughout the world,

在我們阻止武裝衝突 在世界上猖獗之前，

families will continue to be displaced,

家庭仍然會持續被迫遷移，

leaving children vulnerable.

造成孩童變得脆弱。

But by improving parenting and caregiver support,

但藉由改善養育和照顧者支援，

it may be possible to weaken the links between war and psychological difficulties

也許有可能減弱戰爭 對孩童及其家庭的心理困難

in children and their families.

產生的影響。

Thank you.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）