How loss helped one artist find beauty in imperfection | Alyssa Monks

117,173 views ใƒป 2016-11-17

TED


ืื ื ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ืœืžื˜ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ.

ืžืชืจื’ื: Yulia Koutikov ืžื‘ืงืจ: Ido Dekkers
00:12
I'm a painter.
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ืื ื™ ืฆื™ื™ืจืช.
00:14
I make large-scale figurative paintings,
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ืื ื™ ืžืฆื™ื™ืจืช ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ืคื™ื’ื•ืจื•ื˜ื™ื‘ื™ื™ื ื’ื“ื•ืœื™ ืžื™ืžื“ื™ื,
00:16
which means I paint people
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ื›ืœื•ืžืจ ืื ื™ ืžืฆื™ื™ืจืช ืื ืฉื™ื.
00:18
like this.
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ื›ื›ื”.
00:20
But I'm here tonight to tell you about something personal
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ืื‘ืœ ื”ืขืจื‘ ืื ื™ ื ืžืฆืืช ืคื” ื›ื“ื™ ืœืกืคืจ ืœื›ื ืžืฉื”ื• ืื™ืฉื™
00:23
that changed my work and my perspective.
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ืฉืฉื™ื ื” ืืช ื”ื™ืฆื™ืจื” ืฉืœื™ ื•ืืช ื”ืคืจืกืคืงื˜ื™ื‘ื” ืฉืœื™.
00:27
It's something we all go through,
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ื–ื” ืžืฉื”ื• ืฉื›ื•ืœื ื• ืขื•ื‘ืจื™ื,
00:29
and my hope is that my experience may be helpful to somebody.
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ื•ื›ื•ืœื™ ืชืงื•ื•ื” ืฉื”ื ื™ืกื™ื•ืŸ ืฉืœื™ ื™ื”ื™ื” ืœืขื–ืจ ืœืžื™ืฉื”ื• ืื—ืจ.
00:34
To give you some background on me, I grew up the youngest of eight.
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ืงืฆืช ืจืงืข ืขืœ ืขืฆืžื™: ืื ื™ ื”ืฆืขื™ืจื” ืžืฉืžื•ื ื” ืื—ื™ื.
00:38
Yes, eight kids in my family.
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ื›ืŸ, ื™ืฉ ืฉืžื•ื ื” ื™ืœื“ื™ื ื‘ืžืฉืคื—ื” ืฉืœื™.
00:40
I have six older brothers and a sister.
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ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืฉื™ืฉื” ืื—ื™ื ื‘ื›ื•ืจื™ื ื•ืื—ื•ืช.
00:42
To give you a sense of what that's like,
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ืขืœ ืžื ืช ืœื”ืžื—ื™ืฉ ืœื›ื ืื™ืš ื–ื” ื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ,
00:45
when my family went on vacation,
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ื›ืฉืžืฉืคื—ืชื™ ื™ืฆืื” ืœื—ื•ืคืฉื”,
00:47
we had a bus.
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ื”ื™ื” ืœื ื• ืื•ื˜ื•ื‘ื•ืก.
00:49
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
00:52
My supermom would drive us all over town
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ื”ืกื•ืคืจ-ืืžื ืฉืœื™ ื”ืกื™ืขื” ืื•ืชื ื• ื‘ื›ืœ ื”ืขื™ืจ
00:55
to our various after-school activities --
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ืœืคืขื™ืœื•ื™ื•ืช ื‘ื—ื•ื’ื™ื ืฉื•ื ื™ื -
00:58
not in the bus.
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ืœื ื‘ืื•ื˜ื•ื‘ื•ืก.
01:00
We had a regular car, too.
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ื”ื™ื” ืœื ื• ื’ื ืื•ื˜ื• ืจื’ื™ืœ.
01:03
She would take me to art classes,
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ื”ื™ื ืœืงื—ื” ืื•ืชื™ ืœืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ ืืžื ื•ืช,
01:05
and not just one or two.
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ื•ืœื ืจืง ืœืื—ื“ ืื• ืฉื ื™ื™ื.
01:07
She took me to every available art class from when I was eight to 16,
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ื”ื™ื ืœืงื—ื” ืื•ืชื™ ืœื›ืœ ืฉื™ืขื•ืจ ืืžื ื•ืช ืืคืฉืจื™ ืžืื– ืฉื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘ืช ืฉืžื•ื ื” ื•ืขื“ ืฉืžืœืื• ืœื™ 16,
01:12
because that's all I wanted to do.
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ื›ื™ ื–ื” ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช.
01:14
She even took a class with me in New York City.
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ืคืขื ื”ื™ื ืืคื™ืœื• ื”ืฉืชืชืคื” ื‘ืฉื™ืขื•ืจ ื™ื—ื“ ืื™ืชื™ ื‘ื ื™ื• ื™ื•ืจืง.
01:18
Now, being the youngest of eight, I learned a few survival skills.
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ื‘ื”ื™ื•ืชื™ ื”ืฆืขื™ืจื” ืžื‘ื™ืŸ ื”ืฉืžื•ื ื”, ืคื™ืชื—ืชื™ ื›ืžื” ื›ื™ืฉื•ืจื™ ื”ื™ืฉืจื“ื•ืช.
01:21
Rule number one:
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ื›ืœืœ ืžืกืคืจ ืื—ื“:
01:23
don't let your big brother see you do anything stupid.
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ืืœ ืชืชื ื™ ืœืื—ื™ืš ื”ื’ื“ื•ืœ ืœืจืื•ืช ืื•ืชืš ืขื•ืฉื” ืžืฉื”ื• ืžื˜ื•ืžื˜ื.
01:27
So I learned to be quiet and neat
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ืœื›ืŸ ืœืžื“ืชื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืฉืงื˜ื” ื•ืžืกื•ื“ืจืช
01:30
and careful to follow the rules and stay in line.
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ื•ื“ืื’ืชื™ ืœื—ื™ื•ืช ืขืœ ืคื™ ื”ื›ืœืœื™ื ื•ืœืฉืžื•ืจ ืขืœ ืžืจื—ืง.
01:33
But painting was where I made the rules.
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ืื‘ืœ ืฆื™ื•ืจ ื”ื™ื” ื”ืžืงื•ื ื‘ื• ืื ื™ ืงื‘ืขืชื™ ืืช ื”ื›ืœืœื™ื.
01:36
That was my private world.
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ื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ืขื•ืœืžื™ ื”ืคืจื˜ื™.
01:39
By 14, I knew I really wanted to be an artist.
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ื‘ื’ื™ืœ 14 ื›ื‘ืจ ื™ื“ืขืชื™ ืฉืื ื™ ื‘ืืžืช ืจื•ืฆื” ืœืขืกื•ืง ื‘ืืžื ื•ืช.
01:43
My big plan was to be a waitress to support my painting.
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ื”ืชื•ื›ื ื™ืช ื”ื’ื“ื•ืœื” ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืœืขื‘ื•ื“ ื‘ืžืœืฆืจื•ืช ื•ื‘ื›ืš ืœืžืžืŸ ืืช ืžืงืฆื•ืข ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจ.
01:48
So I continued honing my skills.
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ืื– ื”ืžืฉื›ืชื™ ืœื—ื“ื“ ืืช ื”ื›ื™ืฉื•ืจื™ื ืฉืœื™.
01:50
I went to graduate school and I got an MFA,
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ืกื™ื™ืžืชื™ ืืช ืœื™ืžื•ื“ื™ ืชื•ืืจ ืฉื ื™ ื‘ืืžื ื•ืช,
01:52
and at my first solo show, my brother asked me,
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ื•ื‘ืชืขืจื•ื›ื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ื ื” ืฉืœื™, ืื—ื™ ืฉืืœ ืื•ืชื™:
01:55
"What do all these red dots mean next to the paintings?"
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"ืžื” ื”ืŸ ื”ื ืงื•ื“ื•ืช ื”ืื“ื•ืžื•ืช ื”ืืœื” ืœื™ื“ ื›ืœ ืฆื™ื•ืจ?"
01:58
Nobody was more surprised than me.
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ืื™ืฉ ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืžื•ืคืชืข ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžืžื ื™.
02:01
The red dots meant that the paintings were sold
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ืžืฉืžืขื•ืช ื”ื ืงื•ื“ื•ืช ื”ืื“ื•ืžื•ืช ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืฉื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ื ืžื›ืจื•
02:04
and that I'd be able to pay my rent
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ื•ืื•ื›ืœ ืœืฉืœื ืฉื›ืจ ื“ื™ืจื”
02:06
with painting.
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ื‘ืืžืฆืขื•ืช ืฆื™ื•ืจ.
02:08
Now, my apartment had four electrical outlets,
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ื˜ื•ื‘, ื‘ื“ื™ืจื” ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื• ืจืง ืืจื‘ืขื” ืฉืงืขื™ื ื—ืฉืžืœื™ื™ื,
02:11
and I couldn't use a microwave and a toaster at the same time,
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ื•ืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืžื™ืงืจื•ื’ืœ ื•ื˜ื•ืกื˜ืจ ื‘ื• ื–ืžื ื™ืช,
02:14
but still, I could pay my rent.
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ืื‘ืœ, ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ, ืื•ื›ืœ ืœืฉืœื ืืช ืฉื›ืจ ื”ื“ื™ืจื”.
02:17
So I was very happy.
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ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืžืื•ืฉืจืช ืžืžื ื™.
02:20
Here's a painting from back around that time.
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ื”ื ื” ืฆื™ื•ืจ ืžืื•ืชื” ื”ืชืงื•ืคื”.
02:23
I needed it to be as realistic as possible.
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ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืฉื™ื”ื™ื” ืžืฆื™ืื•ืชื™ ื›ื›ืœ ื”ืืคืฉืจ.
02:25
It had to be specific and believable.
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ื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ืฆืจื™ืš ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืžื“ื•ื™ืง ื•ืืžื™ืŸ.
02:29
This was the place where I was isolated and in total control.
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ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื”ืžืงื•ื ื‘ื• ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืžื ื•ืชืงืช ื•ื‘ืฉืœื™ื˜ื” ืžืœืื”.
02:35
Since then, I've made a career of painting people in water.
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ืžืื–, ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืงืจื™ื™ืจื” ืžืฆื™ื•ืจ ืื ืฉื™ื ื‘ืชื•ืš ืžื™ื.
02:39
Bathtubs and showers were the perfect enclosed environment.
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ืืžื‘ื˜ื™ื•ืช ื•ืžืงืœื—ื•ืช ื”ื™ื• ื”ืกื‘ื™ื‘ื” ื”ืžื•ืฉืœืžืช.
02:43
It was intimate and private,
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ื”ื™ื ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืื™ื ื˜ื™ืžื™ืช ื•ืคืจื˜ื™ืช,
02:45
and water was this complicated challenge that kept me busy for a decade.
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ื•ืžื™ื ื”ื™ื•ื• ืืชื’ืจ ืžื•ืจื›ื‘ ืฉื”ืขืกื™ืง ืื•ืชื™ ื‘ืžืฉืš ืขืฉื•ืจ ืฉืœื.
02:49
I made about 200 of these paintings,
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ืฆื™ื™ืจืชื™ ื›-200 ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ื›ืืœื”,
02:52
some of them six to eight feet,
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ื—ืœืงื ื‘ื’ื•ื“ืœ ืขื“ ืฉื ื™ื™ื ื•ื—ืฆื™ ืžื˜ืจ,
02:54
like this one.
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ื›ืžื• ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจ ื”ื–ื”.
02:56
For this painting, I mixed flour in with the bathwater to make it cloudy
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ื›ื“ื™ ืœืฆื™ื™ืจ ืื•ืชื•, ื”ื•ืกืคืชื™ ืงืžื— ืœืžื™ ืืžื‘ื˜ื™ื” ื›ื“ื™ ืฉื™ื”ืคื›ื• ืœืขื›ื•ืจื™ื
03:00
and I floated cooking oil on the surface
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ื•ืฉืคื›ืชื™ ืฉืžืŸ ื‘ื™ืฉื•ืœ ืžืœืžืขืœื”
03:03
and stuck a girl in it,
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ื•ื”ื›ื ืกืชื™ ืœืชื•ืš ื–ื” ื‘ื—ื•ืจื”,
03:05
and when I lit it up,
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ื•ื›ืฉื”ื“ืœืงืชื™ ืืช ื”ืชืื•ืจื”,
03:06
it was so beautiful I couldn't wait to paint it.
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ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื›ืœ ื›ืš ื™ืคื” ืฉืœื ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœื—ื›ื•ืช ื›ื“ื™ ืœืฆื™ื™ืจ ืืช ื–ื”.
03:10
I was driven by this kind of impulsive curiosity,
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ื–ื” ืžื” ืฉื”ื ื™ืข ืื•ืชื™ - ื”ืกืงืจื ื•ืช ื”ืื™ืžืคื•ืœืกื™ื‘ื™ืช ื”ื–ืืช,
03:14
always looking for something new to add:
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ืชืžื™ื“ ื‘ื—ื™ืคื•ืฉ ืื—ืจื™ ื—ื•ืžืจ ื’ืœื ื—ื“ืฉ:
03:16
vinyl, steam, glass.
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ื•ื™ื ื™ืœ, ืื“ื™ื, ื–ื›ื•ื›ื™ืช.
03:19
I once put all this Vaseline in my head and hair
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ืคืขื ืฉืžืชื™ ืžืœื ื•ื–ืœื™ืŸ ืขืœ ื”ืจืืฉ ื•ืขืœ ื”ืฉื™ืขืจ
03:22
just to see what that would look like.
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ืจืง ื›ื“ื™ ืœื‘ื“ื•ืง ืื™ืš ื–ื” ื™ื™ืจืื”.
03:25
Don't do that.
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ืืœ ืชืขืฉื• ืืช ื–ื”.
03:26
(Laughter)
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(ืฆื—ื•ืง)
03:30
So it was going well.
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ืื– ื”ื›ืœ ื”ืชื ื”ืœ ื›ืฉื•ืจื”.
03:31
I was finding my way.
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื‘ื›ื™ื•ื•ืŸ ื”ื ื›ื•ืŸ.
03:33
I was eager and motivated
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื ื—ื•ืฉื” ื•ืžืœืืช ืžืจืฅ
03:35
and surrounded by artists,
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ื•ืžื•ืงืคืช ื‘ืืžื ื™ื,
03:37
always going to openings and events.
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ืชืžื™ื“ ื‘ื“ืจื›ื™ ืœืžืกื™ื‘ื•ืช ื”ืฉืงื” ื•ืื™ืจื•ืขื™ื.
03:40
I was having some success and recognition
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ื—ื•ื•ื™ืชื™ ื”ืฆืœื—ื” ื•ื”ื›ืจื”
03:43
and I moved into an apartment with more than four outlets.
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ื•ืขื‘ืจืชื™ ืœื“ื™ืจื” ืขื ื™ื•ืชืจ ืžืืจื‘ืขื” ืฉืงืขื™ื.
03:48
My mom and I would stay up very late
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ืืžื ืฉืœื™ ื•ืื ื™ ื”ื™ื™ื ื• ื ืฉืืจื•ืช ืขืจื•ืช ืขื“ ืžืื•ื—ืจ
03:50
talking about our latest ideas and inspiring each other.
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ื‘ื“ื™ื‘ื•ืจื™ื ืขืœ ื”ืจืขื™ื•ื ื•ืช ื”ืื—ืจื•ื ื™ื ืฉืœื ื•, ื ื•ืชื ื•ืช ื”ืฉืจืื” ื–ื• ืœื–ื•.
03:53
She made beautiful pottery.
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ื”ื™ื ื”ื›ื™ื ื” ื›ืœื™ ื—ืจืก ื™ืคื”ืคื™ื™ื.
03:56
I have a friend named Bo who made this painting
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ื™ืฉ ืœื™ ื—ื‘ืจ ื‘ืฉื ื‘ื• ืฉืฆื™ื™ืจ
03:59
of his wife and I dancing by the ocean,
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ืืช ืืฉืชื• ื•ืื•ืชื™ ืจื•ืงื“ื•ืช ืขืœ ื”ื—ื•ืฃ,
04:01
and he called it "The Light Years."
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ื•ืงืจื ืœืฆื™ื•ืจ "ืฉื ื•ืช ื”ืื•ืจ".
04:03
I asked him what that meant, and he said,
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ืฉืืœืชื™ ืื•ืชื• ืืช ืžืฉืžืขื•ืช ื”ืฉื, ื•ื”ื•ื ื”ืกื‘ื™ืจ:
04:06
"Well, that's when you've stepped into adulthood, you're no longer a child,
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"ื–ื” ืงื•ืจื” ื›ืฉืืช ื ื›ื ืกืช ืœื‘ื’ืจื•ืช, ืื™ื ืš ืขื•ื“ ื™ืœื“ื”,
04:10
but you're not yet weighed down by the responsibilities of life."
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ืขื ื–ืืช, ื“ืื’ื•ืช ื”ื—ื™ื™ื ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ืื™ื ืŸ ืžื›ื‘ื™ื“ื•ืช ืขืœื™ืš."
04:15
That was it. It was the light years.
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ื”ื•ื ืฆื“ืง. ืืœื” ื”ื™ื• ืฉื ื•ืช ื”ืื•ืจ.
04:18
On October 8, 2011,
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ื‘-8 ื‘ืื•ืงื˜ื•ื‘ืจ, 2011
04:20
the light years came to an end.
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ืฉื ื•ืช ื”ืื•ืจ ื”ื’ื™ืขื• ืœืงื™ืฆืŸ.
04:22
My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer.
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ืืžื ืฉืœื™ ืื•ื‘ื—ื ื” ื›ื—ื•ืœื” ื‘ืกืจื˜ืŸ ื”ืจื™ืื•ืช.
04:27
It had spread to her bones, and it was in her brain.
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ื”ืกืจื˜ืŸ ื”ืชืคืฉื˜ ืœืขืฆืžื•ืชื™ื” ื•ื”ื’ื™ืข ืœืžื•ื—ื”.
04:30
When she told me this, I fell to my knees.
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ื›ืฉื”ื™ื ืกื™ืคืจื” ืœื™, ื”ืชืžื•ื˜ื˜ืชื™.
04:32
I totally lost it.
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ืื™ื‘ื“ืชื™ ืืช ื–ื” ืœื’ืžืจื™.
04:35
And when I got myself together and I looked at her,
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ื•ื›ืฉืกื•ืฃ ืกื•ืฃ ืืกืคืชื™ ืืช ืขืฆืžื™ ื•ื”ื‘ื˜ืชื™ ื‘ื”,
04:38
I realized, this isn't about me.
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ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ืฉืœื ืžื“ื•ื‘ืจ ื‘ื™.
04:39
This is about figuring out how to help her.
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ืžื“ื•ื‘ืจ ื‘ืœื”ื‘ื™ืŸ ื›ื™ืฆื“ ืœืขื–ื•ืจ ืœื”.
04:43
My father is a doctor,
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ืื‘ื ืฉืœื™ ืจื•ืคื,
04:44
and so we had a great advantage having him in charge,
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ื›ืš ืฉื”ื™ื” ืœื ื• ื™ืชืจื•ืŸ ื’ื“ื•ืœ ืฉื”ื•ื ืชืคืก ืคื™ืงื•ื“,
04:48
and he did a beautiful job taking care of her.
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ื•ื”ื•ื ืขืฉื” ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ื ืคืœืื” ื‘ื˜ื™ืคื•ืœ ื‘ื”.
04:50
But I, too, wanted to do everything I could to help,
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ืื‘ืœ ื’ื ืื ื™ ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื‘ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ื›ื“ื™ ืœืขื–ื•ืจ,
04:53
so I wanted to try everything.
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ืœื›ืŸ ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื ืกื•ืช ื›ืœ ื“ื‘ืจ ืืคืฉืจื™.
04:56
We all did.
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ื›ื•ืœื ื• ืจืฆื™ื ื•.
04:57
I researched alternative medicines,
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ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืžื—ืงืจ ืขืœ ืชืจื•ืคื•ืช ืืœื˜ืจื ื˜ื™ื‘ื™ื•ืช,
04:59
diets, juicing, acupuncture.
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ื“ื™ืื˜ื•ืช, ื“ื™ืื˜ื•ืช ืžื™ืฆื™ื, ื“ื™ืงื•ืจ ืกื™ื ื™.
05:03
Finally, I asked her,
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ืœื‘ืกื•ืฃ, ืฉืืœืชื™ ืื•ืชื”:
05:05
"Is this what you want me to do?"
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"ื”ืื ื–ื” ืžื” ืฉืืช ืจื•ืฆื” ืฉืืขืฉื”?"
05:07
And she said, "No."
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ื•ื”ื™ื ืขื ืชื”: "ืœื."
05:09
She said, "Pace yourself. I'm going to need you later."
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ื”ื™ื ืืžืจื”: "ืชืื™ื˜ื™ ืืช ื”ืงืฆื‘. ืื–ื“ืงืง ืœืš ืžืื•ื—ืจ ื™ื•ืชืจ."
05:16
She knew what was happening,
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ื”ื™ื ื™ื“ืขื” ืžื” ืงื•ืจื”,
05:17
and she knew what the doctors
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ื•ื”ื™ื ื™ื“ืขื” ืืช ืžื” ืฉื”ืจื•ืคืื™ื
05:19
and the experts and the internet didn't know:
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ื•ื”ืžื•ืžื—ื™ื ื•ื”ืื™ื ื˜ืจื ื˜ ืœื ื™ื“ืขื•:
05:21
how she wanted to go through this.
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ืื™ืš ื”ื™ื ืจืฆืชื” ืœืขื‘ื•ืจ ืืช ื–ื”.
05:24
I just needed to ask her.
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืฆืจื™ื›ื” ืจืง ืœืฉืื•ืœ ืื•ืชื”.
05:27
I realized that if I tried to fix it,
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ื”ื‘ื ืชื™ ืฉืื ืื ืกื” ืœืชืงืŸ ืืช ื–ื”,
05:29
I would miss it.
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ืืคืกืคืก ืืช ื–ื”.
05:32
So I just started to be with her,
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ืื– ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืื™ืชื”,
05:34
whatever that meant and whatever situation came up,
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ืชื”ื™ื” ื”ืžืฉืžืขื•ืช ืืฉืจ ืชื”ื™ื” ื‘ื›ืœ ืžืฆื‘ ืืคืฉืจื™,
05:37
just really listen to her.
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ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืœื”ืงืฉื™ื‘ ืœื” ื‘ืืžืช.
05:40
If before I was resisting, then now I was surrendering,
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ืื ืœืคื ื™ ื›ืŸ ื”ืชื ื’ื“ืชื™, ื›ืขืช ื•ื™ืชืจืชื™,
05:45
giving up trying to control the uncontrollable
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ื”ืคืกืงืชื™ ืœื ืกื•ืช ืœืฉืœื•ื˜ ื‘ื‘ืœืชื™ ื ืฉืœื˜
05:47
and just being there in it with her.
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ื•ืคืฉื•ื˜ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืฉื ื‘ืฉื‘ื™ืœื” ื•ืื™ืชื”.
05:51
Time slowed down,
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ื”ื–ืžืŸ ื”ืื˜ ืžืžื”ืœื›ื•,
05:53
and the date was irrelevant.
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ื•ื”ืชืืจื™ืš ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืจืœื•ื•ื ื˜ื™.
05:57
We developed a routine.
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ืคื™ืชื—ื ื• ืžืขื™ืŸ ืฉื’ืจื”.
05:59
Early each morning I would crawl into bed with her and sleep with her.
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ืžื•ืงื“ื ื‘ื›ืœ ื‘ื•ืงืจ ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ื ื›ื ืกืช ืืœื™ื” ืœืžื™ื˜ื” ื•ื™ืฉื ื” ืื™ืชื”.
06:03
My brother would come for breakfast
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ืื—ื™ ื”ื™ื” ืžื’ื™ืข ืœืืจื•ื—ืช ื‘ื•ืงืจ
06:04
and we'd be so glad to hear his car coming up the driveway.
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ื•ืฉืžื—ื ื• ืœืฉืžื•ืข ืืช ื”ืื•ื˜ื• ืฉืœื• ื ื›ื ืก ืืœ ื”ื—ื ื™ื”.
06:07
So I'd help her up and take both her hands
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืขื•ื–ืจืช ืœื” ืœืงื•ื, ืื•ื—ื–ืช ื‘ื™ื“ื™ื”
06:11
and help her walk to the kitchen.
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ื•ืžื•ื‘ื™ืœื” ืื•ืชื” ืืœ ื”ืžื˜ื‘ื—.
06:13
She had this huge mug she made
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ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ืกืคืœ ืขื ืง ืฉื”ื›ื™ื ื” ื‘ืขืฆืžื”
06:17
she loved to drink her coffee out of,
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ื•ื”ื™ื ืื”ื‘ื” ืœืฉืชื•ืช ืžืžื ื• ืงืคื”,
06:19
and she loved Irish soda bread for breakfast.
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ื•ื”ื™ื ืื”ื‘ื” ืœืื›ื•ืœ ืœื—ื ืกื•ื“ื” ืื™ืจื™ ืœืืจื•ื—ืช ื‘ื•ืงืจ.
06:23
Afterwards was the shower,
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ืœืื—ืจ ืžื›ืŸ ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื”ืžืงืœื—ืช,
06:25
and she loved this part.
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ื•ื”ื™ื ืื”ื‘ื” ืืช ื”ื—ืœืง ื”ื–ื”.
06:26
She loved the warm water,
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ื”ื™ื ืื”ื‘ื” ืืช ื”ืžื™ื ื”ื—ืžื™ืžื™ื,
06:27
so I made this as indulgent as I could,
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ืื– ื”ืคื›ืชื™ ืืช ื–ื” ืœื”ื›ื™ ืžื”ื ื” ืฉืืคืฉืจ,
06:31
like a spa.
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ื›ืžื• ืกืคื.
06:33
My sister would help sometimes.
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ืื—ื•ืชื™ ืขื–ืจื” ืœืคืขืžื™ื.
06:35
We had warm towels
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ื”ื›ื ื• ืžื’ื‘ื•ืช ื—ืžื•ืช
06:37
and slippers ready immediately
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ื•ื ืขืœื™ ื‘ื™ืช ืžืจืืฉ
06:39
so she never got cold for a second.
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ื›ื“ื™ ืฉืœื ื™ื”ื™ื” ืœื” ืงืจ ืœืจื’ืข.
06:42
I'd blow-dry her hair.
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ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืžื™ื™ื‘ืฉืช ืืช ืฉื™ืขืจื”.
06:45
My brothers would come in the evenings and bring their kids,
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ื”ืื—ื™ื ืฉืœื™ ื”ื™ื• ืžื’ื™ืขื™ื ื‘ืขืจื‘ ืขื ื”ื™ืœื“ื™ื ืฉืœื”ื,
06:48
and that was the highlight of her day.
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ื•ื–ืืช ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื ืงื•ื“ืช ื”ืฉื™ื ืฉืœ ื”ื™ื•ื ืฉืœื”.
06:51
Over time, we started to use a wheelchair,
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ืขื ื”ื–ืžืŸ ื”ืชื—ืœื ื• ืœื”ืฉืชืžืฉ ื‘ื›ื™ืกื ื’ืœื’ืœื™ื,
06:54
and she didn't want to eat so much,
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ื•ื”ื™ื ื›ื‘ืจ ืœื ืจืฆืชื” ืœืื›ื•ืœ ื›ืœ ื›ืš,
06:55
and she used the tiniest little teacup we could find to drink her coffee.
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ื•ื”ื™ื ืฉืชืชื” ืืช ื”ืงืคื” ืฉืœื” ืžืชื•ืš ืกืคืœ ืชื” ื”ื›ื™ ืคืฆืคื•ืŸ ืฉืžืฆืื ื•.
07:03
I couldn't support her myself anymore,
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ื›ื‘ืจ ืœื ื”ืฆืœื—ืชื™ ืœืชืžื•ืš ื‘ื” ืœื‘ื“,
07:05
so we hired an aide to help me with the showers.
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ื•ื ืืœืฆื ื• ืœืฉื›ื•ืจ ืžื˜ืคืœืช ื›ื“ื™ ืœืขื–ื•ืจ ืœื™ ืขื ื”ืžืงืœื—ื•ืช.
07:08
These simple daily activities
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ื”ืคืขื™ืœื•ื™ื•ืช ื”ื™ื•ืžื™ื•ืช ื”ืคืฉื•ื˜ื•ืช ื”ืืœื”
07:11
became our sacred ritual,
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ื”ืคื›ื• ืœืจื™ื˜ื•ืืœ ื”ืงื“ื•ืฉ ืฉืœื ื•,
07:13
and we repeated them day after day
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ื•ื—ื–ืจื ื• ืขืœื™ื”ื ืžื“ื™ ื™ื•ื ื‘ื™ื•ืžื•
07:15
as the cancer grew.
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ืชื•ืš ื›ื“ื™ ื”ืชืงื“ืžื•ืช ื”ืžื—ืœื”.
07:17
It was humbling and painful
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ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ืžืขื•ืจืจ ืขื ื•ื•ื” ื•ื›ื•ืื‘
07:19
and exactly where I wanted to be.
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ื•ื‘ื“ื™ื•ืง ืื™ืคื” ืฉืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช.
07:24
We called this time "the beautiful awful."
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ืงืจืื ื• ืœืชืงื•ืคื” ื”ื–ืืช "ื”ื ื•ืจื ื‘ื™ื•ืคื™ื•."
07:28
She died on October 26, 2012.
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ื”ื™ื ื ืคื˜ืจื” ื‘-26 ื‘ืื•ืงื˜ื•ื‘ืจ, 2012.
07:32
It was a year and three weeks after her diagnosis.
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ืฉื ื” ื•ืฉืœื•ืฉื” ืฉื‘ื•ืขื•ืช ืœืื—ืจ ื”ืื‘ื—ื•ืŸ.
07:36
She was gone.
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ื”ื™ื ื”ืœื›ื”.
07:41
My brothers, sister, and father and I
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ื”ืื—ื™ื ืฉืœื™, ืื—ื•ืชื™, ืื‘ื™ ื•ืื ื™
07:43
all came together in this supportive and attentive way.
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ื”ืชืื—ื“ื ื• ื‘ืฆื•ืจื” ืชื•ืžื›ืช ื•ืžืชื—ืฉื‘ืช.
07:47
It was as though our whole family dynamic
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ื›ืื™ืœื• ื›ืœ ื”ื“ื™ื ืžื™ืงื” ื”ืžืฉืคื—ืชื™ืช
07:49
and all our established roles vanished
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ื•ื—ื•ืงื™ ื”ื™ืกื•ื“ ืฉืœื ื• ื ืขืœืžื•
07:51
and we were just all together in this unknown,
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ื•ืคืฉื•ื˜ ื”ื™ื™ื ื• ื™ื—ื“ ื‘ืชื•ืš ื”ื‘ืœืชื™ ื™ื“ื•ืข,
07:54
feeling the same thing
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ืžืจื’ื™ืฉื™ื ืืช ืื•ืชื• ื”ื“ื‘ืจ
07:56
and taking care of each other.
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ืžื˜ืคืœื™ื ื–ื” ื‘ื–ื”.
07:59
I'm so grateful for them.
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ืื ื™ ืืกื™ืจืช ืชื•ื“ื” ืขืœ ื–ื” ืฉื™ืฉ ืœื™ ืื•ืชื.
08:05
As someone who spends most of my time alone in a studio working,
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ื‘ืชื•ืจ ืžื™ืฉื”ื™ ืฉื‘ื™ืœืชื” ืืช ืžืจื‘ื™ืช ื–ืžื ื” ืœื‘ื“ ื‘ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ื‘ืกื˜ื•ื“ื™ื•,
08:08
I had no idea that this kind of connection
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ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืœื™ ืžื•ืฉื’ ืฉืงืฉืจ ื›ื–ื”
08:11
could be so important, so healing.
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ื”ื•ื ื›ืœ ื›ืš ื—ืฉื•ื‘, ื›ืœ ื›ืš ืžืจืคื.
08:14
This was the most important thing.
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ื–ื” ื”ื™ื” ื”ื“ื‘ืจ ื”ื—ืฉื•ื‘ ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจ.
08:18
It was what I always wanted.
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ื–ื” ืžื” ืฉืชืžื™ื“ ืจืฆื™ืชื™.
08:21
So after the funeral, it was time for me to go back to my studio.
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ืœืื—ืจ ื”ื”ืœื•ื•ื™ื”, ื”ื’ื™ืข ื”ื–ืžืŸ ืœื—ื–ื•ืจ ืœืกื˜ื•ื“ื™ื• ืฉืœื™.
08:27
So I packed up my car and I drove back to Brooklyn,
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ืืจื–ืชื™ ืืช ื”ื“ื‘ืจื™ื ื•ื ืกืขืชื™ ื‘ื—ื–ืจื” ืœื‘ืจื•ืงืœื™ืŸ,
08:30
and painting is what I've always done, so that's what I did.
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ืชืžื™ื“ ืขืกืงืชื™ ื‘ืฆื™ื•ืจ, ืœื›ืŸ ืขืฉื™ืชื™ ืืช ื–ื” ื’ื ื”ืคืขื.
08:34
And here's what happened.
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ื•ื”ื ื” ืžื” ืฉืงืจื”.
08:39
It's like a release of everything that was unraveling in me.
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ืžืขื™ืŸ ืฉื—ืจื•ืจ ืฉืœ ื›ืœ ืžื” ืฉื”ืฆื˜ื‘ืจ ืืฆืœื™ ื‘ืคื ื™ื.
08:45
That safe, very, very carefully rendered safe place
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ืื•ืชื• ื”ืžืงื•ื ื”ืžื•ื’ืŸ ืฉื™ืฆืจืชื™ ื‘ืงืคื™ื“ื•ืช
08:50
that I created in all my other paintings,
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ืฉื‘ื ืœื™ื“ื™ ื‘ื™ื˜ื•ื™ ื‘ื›ืœ ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ืฉืœื™,
08:53
it was a myth.
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ื”ืคืš ืœืžื™ืชื•ืก.
08:55
It didn't work.
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ื–ื” ืœื ืขื‘ื“.
08:57
And I was afraid, because I didn't want to paint anymore.
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ื•ืคื—ื“ืชื™, ื›ื™ ืœื ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ื™ื•ืชืจ ืœืฆื™ื™ืจ.
09:03
So I went into the woods.
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ืื– ื ืกืขืชื™ ืœื™ืขืจ.
09:04
I thought, I'll try that, going outside.
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ื—ืฉื‘ืชื™, ืื ืกื” ืืช ื–ื”, ืืฆื ื”ื—ื•ืฆื”.
09:08
I got my paints, and I wasn't a landscape painter,
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ืœืงื—ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืฆื‘ืขื™ื ืฉืœื™, ื•ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืฆื™ื™ืจืช ื ื•ืคื™ื,
09:12
but I wasn't really much of any kind of painter at all,
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ืื‘ืœ ื’ื ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื™ ืกื•ื’ ืžืกื•ื™ื ืฉืœ ืฆื™ื™ืจืช,
09:14
so I had no attachment, no expectation,
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ืœื ื”ืจื’ืฉืชื™ ืžื—ื•ื™ื‘ื•ืช, ืœื ื”ื™ื• ืœื™ ืฆื™ืคื™ื•ืช,
09:17
which allowed me to be reckless and free.
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ืžื” ืฉืื™ืคืฉืจ ืœื™ ืœื”ื™ื•ืช ืงืœืช ื“ืขืช ื•ื—ื•ืคืฉื™ื™ื”.
09:20
I actually left one of these wet paintings
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ืืคื™ืœื• ื”ืฉืืจืชื™ ืืช ืื—ื“ ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ืขื ืฆื‘ืข ื˜ืจื™
09:22
outside overnight
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ื‘ื—ื•ืฅ ืœืžืฉืš ืœื™ืœื” ืฉืœื
09:25
next to a light in the woods.
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ืกืžื•ืš ืœืชืื•ืจื” ื‘ื™ืขืจ.
09:28
By the morning it was lacquered with bugs.
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ืœืžื—ืจืช ื‘ื‘ื•ืงืจ ื”ื•ื ื”ื™ื” ืžืฆื•ืคื” ื‘ื—ืจืงื™ื.
09:32
But I didn't care. It didn't matter. It didn't matter.
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ืื‘ืœ ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืื›ืคืช ืœื™, ื–ื” ืœื ื”ื™ื” ืžืฉื ื”.
09:35
I took all these paintings back to my studio,
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ืœืงื—ืชื™ ืืช ื›ืœ ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ื”ืืœื” ื‘ื—ื–ืจื” ืœืกื˜ื•ื“ื™ื• ืฉืœื™,
09:37
and scraped them, and carved into them,
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ื•ืฉืคืฉืคืชื™ ืื•ืชื, ื•ื—ืจื˜ืชื™ ืขืœื™ื”ื,
09:40
and poured paint thinner on them,
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ื•ืฉืคื›ืชื™ ืขืœื™ื”ื ืžื“ืœืœ ืฆื‘ืข,
09:42
put more paint on top, drew on them.
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ื”ื•ืกืคืชื™ ืขื•ื“ ืฆื‘ืข ืžืœืžืขืœื”, ืฆื™ื™ืจืชื™ ืขืœื™ื”ื.
09:45
I had no plan,
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ืœื ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ืœื™ ืชื•ื›ื ื™ืช,
09:47
but I was watching what was happening.
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ืื‘ืœ ืฆืคื™ืชื™ ื‘ืžืชืจื—ืฉ.
09:50
This is the one with all the bugs in it.
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ื–ื” ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจ ืขื ื›ืœ ื”ื—ืจืงื™ื ื‘ืคื ื™ื.
09:53
I wasn't trying to represent a real space.
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ืœื ื ื™ืกื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืžื—ื™ืฉ ืžืจื—ื‘ ืžืžืฉื™.
09:56
It was the chaos and the imperfections that were fascinating me,
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ืืœื ื”ื›ืื•ืก ื•ื”ืคื’ืžื™ื ื”ื ืืœื” ืฉืขื ื™ื™ื ื• ืื•ืชื™,
10:00
and something started to happen.
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ื•ืžืฉื”ื• ื”ืชื—ื™ืœ ืœืงืจื•ืช.
10:03
I got curious again.
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ื”ืจื’ืฉืชื™ ืฉื•ื‘ ืืช ื”ืกืงืจื ื•ืช.
10:06
This is another one from the woods.
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ื”ื ื” ืขื•ื“ ืฆื™ื•ืจ ืžื”ื™ืขืจ.
10:10
There was a caveat now, though.
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ืื‘ืœ, ืœืžืจื•ืช ื–ืืช, ื”ื™ื™ืชื” ื”ืกืชื™ื™ื’ื•ืช ืžืกื•ื™ืžืช.
10:12
I couldn't be controlling the paint like I used to.
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ืœื ื”ืฆืœื—ืชื™ ืœืฉืœื•ื˜ ื‘ืฆื‘ืข ื›ืžื• ื‘ืขื‘ืจ.
10:15
It had to be about implying and suggesting,
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ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื”ืชืžืงื“ ื‘ืจืžื–ื™ื ื•ื‘ื”ืฆืขื•ืช,
10:18
not explaining or describing.
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ื•ืœื ื‘ื”ืกื‘ืจื™ื ื•ื‘ืชื™ืื•ืจื™ื.
10:21
And that imperfect, chaotic, turbulent surface
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ื•ื”ืžืฉื˜ื— ื”ืคื’ื•ื, ื”ื›ืื•ื˜ื™ ื•ื”ื’ื•ืขืฉ ื”ื–ื” -
10:26
is what told the story.
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ื”ื•ื ื–ื” ืฉืกื™ืคืจ ืืช ื”ืกื™ืคื•ืจ.
10:30
I started to be as curious as I was when I was a student.
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ืฉื•ื‘ ื”ืชื—ืœืชื™ ืœื”ืจื’ื™ืฉ ืืช ื”ืกืงืจื ื•ืช ื›ืžื• ื‘ืชืงื•ืคืช ื”ืœื™ืžื•ื“ื™ื.
10:34
So the next thing was I wanted to put figures in these paintings, people,
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ื”ื“ื‘ืจ ื”ื‘ื ืฉืจืฆื™ืชื™ ื”ื•ื ืœื”ื›ื ื™ืก ื“ืžื•ื™ื•ืช ืืœ ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ื”ืืœื”, ืื ืฉื™ื,
10:38
and I loved this new environment,
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ื•ืื”ื‘ืชื™ ืืช ื”ืกื‘ื™ื‘ื” ื”ื—ื“ืฉื” ื”ื–ืืช,
10:39
so I wanted to have both people and this atmosphere.
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ืœื›ืŸ ืจืฆื™ืชื™ ืœื—ื‘ืจ ื‘ื™ืŸ ืื ืฉื™ื ืœืื•ื™ืจื” ื”ื–ืืช.
10:45
When the idea hit me of how to do this,
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ื›ืฉื™ืจื“ ืœื™ ื”ืืกื™ืžื•ืŸ ืื™ืš ืืคืฉืจ ืœืขืฉื•ืช ืืช ื–ื”,
10:47
I got kind of nauseous and dizzy,
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ื”ืจื’ืฉืชื™ ื‘ื—ื™ืœื” ื•ืกื—ืจื—ื•ืจืช,
10:50
which is really just adrenaline, probably,
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ืฉื–ื” ื‘ื˜ื— ืจืง ื”ืื“ืจื ืœื™ืŸ,
10:53
but for me it's a really good sign.
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ืื‘ืœ, ื‘ืขื™ื ื™ื™, ื–ื” ืกื™ืžืŸ ื˜ื•ื‘.
10:56
And so now I want to show you what I've been working on.
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ื•ืขื›ืฉื™ื• ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืœื”ืจืื•ืช ืœื›ื ืขืœ ืžื” ืขื‘ื“ืชื™ ืขื“ ื›ื”.
10:59
It's something I haven't shown yet, and it's like a preview, I guess,
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ืขื“ื™ื™ืŸ ืœื ื”ืจืื™ืชื™ ืืช ื–ื” ืœืื™ืฉ, ื–ื” ืžืขื™ืŸ ืชืฆื•ื’ื” ืžืงื“ื™ืžื”
11:03
of my upcoming show,
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ืœืชืขืจื•ื›ื” ื”ื‘ืื” ืฉืœื™,
11:05
what I have so far.
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ืžื” ืฉืฆื™ื™ืจืชื™ ืขื“ ื›ื”.
11:08
Expansive space
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ื—ืœืœ ืจื—ื‘
11:11
instead of the isolated bathtub.
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ืœืขื•ืžืช ื—ื“ืจ ื”ืืžื‘ื˜ื™ื” ื”ืžื‘ื•ื“ื“.
11:13
I'm going outside instead of inside.
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ื™ืฆืืชื™ ื”ื—ื•ืฆื” ืœืขื•ืžืช ืœื”ื™ื›ื ืก ืคื ื™ืžื”.
11:17
Loosening control,
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ืžืฉืชื—ืจืจืช,
11:19
savoring the imperfections,
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ืžืชืขื ื’ืช ืขืœ ื”ืคื’ืžื™ื,
11:21
allowing the --
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ื ื•ืชื ืช ืžืงื•ื...
11:24
allowing the imperfections.
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ื ื•ืชื ืช ืžืงื•ื ืœืคื’ืžื™ื.
11:27
And in that imperfection,
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ื•ื‘ื›ืœ ืคื’ื,
11:29
you can find a vulnerability.
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ื ื™ืชืŸ ืœืžืฆื•ื ืจื’ื™ืฉื•ืช.
11:31
I could feel my deepest intention, what matters most to me,
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ื™ื›ื•ืœืชื™ ืœื—ื•ืฉ ืืช ืžืฉืืช ื ืคืฉื™, ื”ื“ื‘ืจ ื”ื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืœื™ ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจ,
11:38
that human connection
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ืื•ืชื• ืงืฉืจ ืื ื•ืฉื™
11:40
that can happen in a space where there's no resisting or controlling.
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ืฉื™ื›ื•ืœ ืœื”ืชืจื—ืฉ ื‘ืžืจื—ื‘ ืฉืื™ืŸ ื‘ื• ื”ืชื ื’ื“ื•ืช ืื• ืฉืœื™ื˜ื”.
11:45
I want to make paintings about that.
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ืื ื™ ืจื•ืฆื” ืฉื–ื” ื™ื”ื™ื” ื ื•ืฉื ื”ืฆื™ื•ืจื™ื ืฉืœื™.
11:50
So here's what I learned.
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ื”ืœืงื— ืฉืœื™ ื”ื•ื ื›ื–ื”:
11:53
We're all going to have big losses in our lives,
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ื›ื•ืœื ื• ื ื—ื•ื•ื” ืื‘ื™ื“ื•ืช ื’ื“ื•ืœื•ืช ื‘ื—ื™ื™ื ืฉืœื ื•,
11:57
maybe a job or a career,
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ืขื‘ื•ื“ื” ืื• ืงืจื™ื™ืจื”,
11:59
relationships, love, our youth.
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ืžืขืจื›ื•ืช ื™ื—ืกื™ื, ืื”ื‘ื”, ื”ื ืขื•ืจื™ื ืฉืœื ื•.
12:03
We're going to lose our health,
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ืื ื• ื ืื‘ื“ ืืช ื”ื‘ืจื™ืื•ืช ืฉืœื ื•,
12:05
people we love.
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ืืช ื”ื™ืงืจื™ื ืœืœื™ื‘ื ื•.
12:08
These kinds of losses are out of our control.
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ื”ืื‘ื™ื“ื•ืช ื”ืืœื” ืื™ื ืŸ ื‘ืฉืœื™ื˜ืชื ื•.
12:10
They're unpredictable,
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ื”ืŸ ืœื ืฆืคื•ื™ื•ืช,
12:12
and they bring us to our knees.
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ื•ื”ืŸ ืžืžื•ื˜ื˜ื•ืช ืื•ืชื ื•.
12:15
And so I say, let them.
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ื•ืื ื™ ืื•ืžืจืช, ื‘ื•ืื• ื ื™ืชืŸ ืœื”ืŸ.
12:18
Fall to your knees. Be humbled.
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ืชืชืžื•ื˜ื˜ื•. ืชื›ื ืขื•.
12:22
Let go of trying to change it
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ืืœ ืชื ืกื• ืœืฉื ื•ืช ืืช ื–ื”
12:25
or even wanting it to be different.
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ืื• ืœืจืฆื•ืช ืœืฉื ื•ืช ืืช ื–ื”.
12:27
It just is.
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ื–ืืช ื“ืจื›ื• ืฉืœ ื”ืขื•ืœื.
12:31
And then there's space,
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ื•ืื– ื‘ื ื”ื—ืœืœ ื”ืจื™ืง,
12:32
and in that space feel your vulnerability,
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ื•ื‘ืชื•ืš ื”ื—ืœืœ ื”ื–ื” ืชืชื—ื‘ืจื• ืืœ ื”ืจื’ื™ืฉื•ืช ืฉืœื›ื,
12:35
what matters most to you,
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ืœืžื” ืฉื—ืฉื•ื‘ ืœื›ื ื‘ื™ื•ืชืจ,
12:37
your deepest intention.
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ืœืžืฉืืช ื ืคืฉื›ื.
12:40
And be curious to connect
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ื•ืชืชืขื ื™ื™ื ื•
12:43
to what and who is really here,
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ื‘ืžื” ื•ื‘ืžื™ ืฉื‘ืืžืช ื ืžืฆื ื›ืืŸ,
12:47
awake and alive.
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ื—ื™ ื•ืงื™ื™ื.
12:50
It's what we all want.
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ื–ื” ืžื” ืฉื›ื•ืœื ื• ืจื•ืฆื™ื.
12:52
Let's take the opportunity to find something beautiful
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ื‘ื•ืื• ื ื ืฆืœ ืืช ื”ื”ื–ื“ืžื ื•ืช ื”ื–ืืช ื›ื“ื™ ืœืžืฆื•ื ื™ื•ืคื™
12:56
in the unknown, in the unpredictable,
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ื‘ื‘ืœืชื™ ื™ื“ื•ืข, ื‘ื‘ืœืชื™ ืฆืคื•ื™,
13:00
and even in the awful.
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ื•ืืฃ ื‘ื ื•ืจื ืžื›ื•ืœ.
13:03
Thank you.
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ืชื•ื“ื”.
13:04
(Applause)
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(ืžื—ื™ืื•ืช ื›ืคื™ื™ื)
ืขืœ ืืชืจ ื–ื”

ืืชืจ ื–ื” ื™ืฆื™ื’ ื‘ืคื ื™ื›ื ืกืจื˜ื•ื ื™ YouTube ื”ืžื•ืขื™ืœื™ื ืœืœื™ืžื•ื“ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช. ืชื•ื›ืœื• ืœืจืื•ืช ืฉื™ืขื•ืจื™ ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืขื‘ืจื™ื ืขืœ ื™ื“ื™ ืžื•ืจื™ื ืžื”ืฉื•ืจื” ื”ืจืืฉื•ื ื” ืžืจื—ื‘ื™ ื”ืขื•ืœื. ืœื—ืฅ ืคืขืžื™ื™ื ืขืœ ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื‘ืื ื’ืœื™ืช ื”ืžื•ืฆื’ื•ืช ื‘ื›ืœ ื“ืฃ ื•ื™ื“ืื• ื›ื“ื™ ืœื”ืคืขื™ืœ ืืช ื”ืกืจื˜ื•ืŸ ืžืฉื. ื”ื›ืชื•ื‘ื™ื•ืช ื’ื•ืœืœื•ืช ื‘ืกื ื›ืจื•ืŸ ืขื ื”ืคืขืœืช ื”ื•ื•ื™ื“ืื•. ืื ื™ืฉ ืœืš ื”ืขืจื•ืช ืื• ื‘ืงืฉื•ืช, ืื ื ืฆื•ืจ ืื™ืชื ื• ืงืฉืจ ื‘ืืžืฆืขื•ืช ื˜ื•ืคืก ื™ืฆื™ืจืช ืงืฉืจ ื–ื”.

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