A video game that helps us understand loneliness | Cornelia Geppert

譯者: Pei-Chen Benson Liu 審譯者: Marssi Draw

Have you ever felt lonely?

你曾感到寂寞嗎？

The urge of wanting to connect with people,

你總想和人有所交集

but you seem to have no one you really would want to contact?

卻沒什麼好人選嗎？

Or, it's a Friday night and you want to be with others,

或是你曾在某個星期五晚上

想找人聚聚

but you have no energy to go out, so instead you sit at home all evening,

卻沒什麼精神，只好整晚待在家

watch Netflix

看著 Netflix

and feel more alone than ever?

感受前所未有的孤獨嗎？

You feel like a monster

你覺得只有你像個怪物

between humans that know how to function.

其他人都能正常互相來往

This is what loneliness felt like to me.

對我來說，這就是孤獨的感覺

So I'm an artist,

我是一位藝術家

and I process my emotional world by sharing my feelings through my art.

我用藝術分享自己的感受

來消化情緒

If you share your feelings with someone,

如果你能分享你的感受

and they understand and share those feelings too,

有人能瞭解而且感同身受

you create an emotional and deep connection.

便能建立深度的情感連結

This is why you can be surrounded by hundreds of people,

這就是為什麼明明有好多人選

jump from one candidate to the next,

但一個跳過一個

but still feel lonely.

你還是感到孤獨

It's because these deeper connections haven't been made.

就是因為此種深度連結還未成形

I was an always-happy child.

我小時候無憂無慮

I think we nearly have no single photo of me

我家所有的照片中

where I don't smile broadly or laugh or joke around.

都是我在大笑或四處嬉鬧

And this went on until ...

這樣的光景

well, it's still the case.

現在還是差不多

But I had many friend groups

但我年輕時曾交友廣泛

up until, as a young adult, I moved to another city

直到那時我為了我第一份工作

也就是漫畫藝術家

for my first job as a comic artist.

搬到另一座城市

And like so many young, thriving people all over the planet,

就像是所有發奮圖強的年輕人一樣

I concentrated all my energy into my work life.

我投注所有心力在工作上

But, if you spend, like, 90 percent of your daily capacity

但當你為了要事業有成

每天投注百分之九十的 精力在工作上

trying to succeed at work,

of course there is nothing left

當然會沒什麼力氣

to take care of all the other important aspects in your life,

去經營人生其他重要的事情

like your human relationships.

人際關係就是個例子

Nourishing friendships as an adult is work.

成人交新朋友需要下功夫

You need to be consistent with connecting.

必須隨時與他人有所連結

You need to be open, you need to be honest.

也要敞開心胸、誠實以對

And this is all I struggled with,

這些事對我來說很不容易

because I tend to camouflage my real feelings

因為我常把真性情隱藏起來

by trying to appear always happy

讓自己隨時笑臉迎人

and trying to make everyone else happy, too,

也會在別人遇到難題時

給予一臂之力

by trying to fix their problems.

好讓大家都過得開心

And I know a lot of us are guilty of this,

我瞭解很多人這樣做有罪惡感

because it's an easy way to not think about your own issues.

因為如此逃避自己的問題很輕鬆

Isn't it?

對吧？

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

嗯？嗯？嗯？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

OK.

好吧

The turning point came

我幾年前

困在一段關係裡，遭受情緒虐待

when I fell into an emotionally abusive relationship

我遇到了轉捩點

just a few years ago.

He isolated me

那時我的對象孤立我

and left me feeling more alone than ever.

讓我感到從未有過的孤獨

It was the lowest point in my life,

那是我人生的低潮

but it was also my wake-up call,

但也給了我一記當頭棒喝

because it was the first time

因為那是第一次

that I really felt loneliness.

我真正感受到孤獨

Many artists put their feelings into their art.

很多人將個人感受付諸藝術

There are endless books, movies, paintings, music,

藝術家的情緒

在無數的書籍、電影

all filled with the real emotion of an artist.

畫作、樂章裡隨處可見

So, as an artist myself, I did the same.

我是一位藝術家，也做了相同的事

I shared my feelings.

我分享我的感受

I wanted to help people cope with loneliness.

我想幫助人們應付孤單的感覺

I wanted, yeah, to make them understand it,

對，我想讓大家瞭解

to really experience it through my art

讓大家以互動式故事

以電玩的形式

in the form of an interactive story,

透過我的藝術體驗孤獨

a video game.

So, in our game --

所以在我們名為 「孤獨之海」的遊戲中

we called it "Sea of Solitude" --

you are a person named Kay,

玩家扮演的角色叫作小凱

who is suffering from such strong loneliness

這個角色為很強烈的孤獨感所苦

that her inner feelings --

她內心的感受

the anger,

像是憤怒

the feeling of hopelessness, worthlessness --

絕望或無足輕重的感覺

turn to the outside,

會顯現在外表

and she becomes a monster.

讓這個角色變成一隻怪物

The game -- well, Kay --

這個遊戲或是說這個角色小凱

is actually a representation of me

其實是我的化身

and the path I went through to overcome my struggles.

也代表著我這一路走來、克服掙扎

The game plays, actually, in Kay's mind,

遊戲場景其實是小凱的內心世界

so you walk through a world that is flooded by her tears,

所以她的眼淚淹滿了你走過的世界

and the weather is changing by her mood,

天氣隨著她的心情而變

how her mood is changing.

And, well, the only thing Kay wears,

小凱身上的穿著

the only thing,

唯一的穿著

is her backpack.

是她的後背包

It's the baggage we all carry throughout our life.

這是我們一生背負的包袱

And Kay doesn't know how to cope with her emotions in the right way,

小凱不明白要如何

妥善處理自己的情緒

so her backpack becomes bigger and bigger

所以她的背包越變越大

until it bursts,

直到最後爆炸

and she finally is forced to overcome her own struggles.

最後她強迫自己克服困難

In our story, we present many different manifestations of loneliness.

我們在故事裡

用多種不同的形式表現孤獨

Loneliness through social exclusion is very common.

無法融入社會而感到孤獨很常見

In our game, the brother of Kay got bullied in his school,

在遊戲裡

小凱的兄弟在學校被霸凌

and he just wants to hide and fly away.

想要躲起來、逃避一切

And we portray him as a huge bird monster surrounded by thick fog.

我們把他扮成巨大的鳥形怪物 身旁被濃霧包圍

The player has to actually walk through his school

玩家需要穿越他的學校

and experience, really feel the harm,

也要身歷其境他所受的傷害

that the brother had been through,

because for a long time, nobody really listens to him.

因為已經很久沒有人聽聽他的心聲

But the very moment friends and family start to listen,

但只要家人和朋友們開始傾聽

the first step towards overcoming this form of loneliness had been made.

這就是戰勝這種孤獨的第一步

We also show loneliness in relationships,

大家會在遊戲中看到 人際關係中的孤獨

like when parents just stay together for the sake of their kids

像是一對夫婦

只是為了孩子勉強還在一起

but end up hurting the entire family.

最後卻讓整個家庭受傷

We put the player literally in between the two parents while they are fighting,

玩家會身處在正在吵架的夫婦之間

and you get hurt in the middle.

中途會受傷

They don't even see that their daughter, Kay, is right there

直到小凱崩潰大哭

他們才注意到女兒也在那

until she breaks down.

We also show loneliness through mental health issues,

遊戲中也會有精神疾病帶來的孤獨

with the boyfriend of Kay, who suffers from depression

小凱的男朋友受憂鬱症所苦

and shows that sometimes

他會讓大家知道

有時候先顧好自己比較重要

it is most important to focus on your own well-being first.

The boyfriend also tends to camouflage his feelings,

她的男朋友也常隱藏自己的感受

so he appears like a lone, shiny white wolf.

所以他變成一隻孤單的白狼

But the moment he starts to interact with his girlfriend, Kay,

但當他開始和女朋友小凱有所交流時

the mask falls off,

偽裝會剝落

and we see the black dog beneath it:

在那之下是隻黑狗

depression.

也就是憂鬱症的化身

Sometimes we put on a smile

有時候我們裝出笑容

instead of dealing with the issues at hand,

而不是處理手邊當下的問題

and that can ultimately make it worse,

如此會讓事情最後變得很糟

affect the people around us

影響我們周圍的人

and damage our relationships.

也陷人際關係於困境

So Kay herself

所以我們讓小凱看起來

we portray as ripped apart into her basic emotions.

受到很多人性基本的情緒拉扯

Some help you,

有些情緒會助你一臂之力

some are trying to stop you.

有些卻試圖阻擋你

Self-Doubt is a huge creature,

自我懷疑的感覺

化身成一隻巨大的怪物

always telling Kay how worthless she is

總是讓小凱覺得自己一文不值

and that she should just give up.

告訴她應該放棄

Like in real life,

跟現實生活很相似

Self-Doubt is blocking the path,

自我懷疑阻礙前途

and it seems impossible to overcome it.

看起來很難克服

Destroying the omnipresence of Self-Doubt is a slow process.

自我懷疑無處不在

要擺脫需要很長一段時間

But in the game, you can slowly, like, shrink her,

但在遊戲裡

玩家可以慢慢讓她縮小

so she turns from self-doubt

讓她的自我懷疑轉化為

to actually healthy doubt,

對情勢有益的疑惑

and you can finally trust her advice.

最終玩家能相信她給的意見

We also show Self-Destruction.

遊戲裡也看的到自我毀滅

It's a huge monster

以一隻巨大怪物的樣子出現

always lurking nearby under the water's surface.

這怪獸會潛伏在附近水面

Self-Destruction is actually the main antagonist of the game,

自我毀滅其實是 這個遊戲的主要反派

and she is always trying to drown you in the ocean of tears.

會一直試著要讓你

溺斃在這片眼淚汪洋之中

But, when she actually drowns you,

當玩家真的淹死了

you wake up just a few moments [before],

會重回前些時間

and you have a chance to progress again.

讓玩家有機會重新再來過一次

We wanted to show

我們想讓大家知道

that we all go through hardships in our life, we all do.

大家生命中總會有逆境

But if you at least, like, stand up and try to move forward,

但只要能至少站起來 試著往前走

you are very likely to make it through your struggle,

很可能就能一步步

step by step.

克服逆境

Joy is something that Kay cannot really embrace or touch.

小凱不太能享受或接觸到歡樂

It's always something in the distance.

總是遙不可及

We portrayed Joy as a child version of Kay,

歡樂以小凱的童年模樣出現

with a yellow raincoat,

穿著黃色雨衣

so she is invulnerable to the ocean of tears.

所以她才能不受眼淚汪洋迫害

But Joy can also turn into obsession

但歡樂也會纏著小凱

and start to be actually harmful for Kay,

漸漸地對她有害

like when she starts obsessing over her boyfriend.

像是她開始擺脫不了

自己與男友的感情

Joy will not turn back to normal until Kay realizes

只有小凱在瞭解自己的幸福

不得靠別人，而是自己的責任

that her happiness should not depend on anybody else

but herself.

歡樂才會變回原來的模樣

So our monsters appear huge and scary,

我們創造的怪物體型很大又可怕

but if you overcome your reluctance and approach them,

但只要玩家不再抗拒接近他們

you soon see that they are no monsters at all,

很快會發現根本沒什麼怪物

but just fragile beings that are simply overwhelmed by what life throws at them.

只有脆弱的人

在生活的壓力下喘不過氣

All of those emotions,

所有的情緒

be it self-doubt or even self-destruction,

不論是自我懷疑或甚至是自我毀滅

don't completely vanish in our game.

不會完全從遊戲裡消失

The key message is to not only chase for joy or happiness

重點並非只追求歡樂和幸福

but to embrace all your emotions

而是勇於面對所有情緒

and bring them into balance,

找出平衡點

being OK with sometimes not being OK.

接受有時不順是正常的

Everyone has their own loneliness story to tell.

每個人都有自己的孤獨經歷

This realization changed everything for me.

這個道理給了我全新的想法

Being much more open with my emotions

我更勇於面對情緒

and concentrating much more on my private life,

也投入更多力氣經營私生活

my friends, my family.

與朋友、家人相處

When we released the game,

我們推出這款遊戲之後

literally thousands of fans wrote us,

有幾千位粉絲寫信給我們

all sharing their stories with us

跟我們分享他們的故事

and telling us they felt not so alone anymore

他們還說因為玩了這款遊戲

just because they played our game.

孤獨感緩解了

Many people wrote us that they felt hope

很多人寫信跟我們說

for a better future for themselves for the first time in decades.

他們這幾十年來

第一次覺得未來充滿了希望

Many wrote us that they seek therapy now,

也有很多人說 他們現在正在接受治療

just because they played our game

因為玩了遊戲

and felt hopeful to overcome their own struggles.

讓他們也很有信心能克服逆境

Our game is not a therapy.

我們的遊戲沒有治療功效

It's not meant to be a therapy.

治療也不是我們的本意

It's just my friends and me sharing our stories

只是我和朋友用藝術、用電玩

through our art, video games.

分享故事

But we are so deeply thankful for every single message

我們非常感激大家寄的每封信

that people feel better,

讓我們知道因為自己分享了故事

just because we shared our story with them.

人們過得更好了

So ...

所以

I didn't completely overcome my urge to help others.

我還是常常想盡心幫助別人

But I don't want to overcome it anymore.

我不會想停止這樣做了

I love it.

我很愛這些事情

I just needed to bring it to a healthy size,

我只需要在合理範圍內這樣做

so it doesn't stand in the way of deeper relationships anymore,

才不會阻礙我的深層人際關係

but even help me to connect with people.

甚至能讓我認識更多人

So, if you have an inner monster

因此，如果你內心有隻怪物

that is born out of negative emotions,

是因負面情緒而生

it is not only the goal to kill that monster

除掉怪物不是唯一的目標

but to understand that we humans are complex beings.

而是瞭解人類本就是複雜的生物

Look at what part of your life is so big that others fall short.

看看人生哪些時刻讓你感到 其他時間都微不足道

Look at what emotions you barely feel

看看哪些情緒你不太在乎

or maybe feel too much

哪些又看得太重

and move towards lowering those peaks.

我們要向前看 不受大起大落影響

Most of all, it's about understanding

最重要的是我們要瞭解

that all the wide range of emotions and struggles

所有形形色色的情緒和掙扎

makes us what we are:

造就了我們：

humans.

人類

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）