I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left | Megan Phelps-Roper
6,699,784 views ・ 2017-03-06
请双击下面的英文字幕来播放视频。
翻译人员: Cindy Ma
校对人员: Conway Ye
00:12
I was a blue-eyed,
chubby-cheeked five-year-old
0
12780
2656
当我还只是一个蓝眼睛、
胖乎乎的5岁小女孩儿时,
00:15
when I joined my family
on the picket line for the first time.
1
15460
3120
我第一次加入了家人的纠察队。
00:19
My mom made me leave
my dolls in the minivan.
2
19660
2120
妈妈让我把玩具娃娃留在车里。
00:22
I'd stand on a street corner
in the heavy Kansas humidity,
3
22620
3096
然后和其他的亲戚一起,
00:25
surrounded by a few dozen relatives,
4
25740
2616
站在浓雾弥漫的堪萨斯街角,
00:28
with my tiny fists clutching
a sign that I couldn't read yet:
5
28380
3120
我的小手里抓着一个
我还不会读的标语:
00:32
"Gays are worthy of death."
6
32500
1600
“同性恋该死!”
00:34
This was the beginning.
7
34940
1200
而这仅仅只是个开始。
00:36
Our protests soon became
a daily occurrence
8
36860
2216
我们的抗议很快
成为一种日常的事情,
00:39
and an international phenomenon,
9
39100
1936
遍布世界各地,
00:41
and as a member
of Westboro Baptist Church,
10
41060
2456
作为威斯特布路浸信会的一员,
00:43
I became a fixture
on picket lines across the country.
11
43540
3136
我成为纠察队中
必不可少的一部分。
00:46
The end of my antigay picketing career
12
46700
2336
而我印象中的这种
反同性恋事业和生活的结束,
00:49
and life as I knew it,
13
49060
1416
00:50
came 20 years later,
14
50500
1656
是在20年以后,
00:52
triggered in part by strangers on Twitter
15
52180
2496
部分因为我在推特上
认识的陌生人,
00:54
who showed me the power
of engaging the other.
16
54700
2680
他们向我展示了
互动的力量。
00:59
In my home,
17
59100
1216
在我的家里,
01:00
life was framed as an epic
spiritual battle between good and evil.
18
60340
3120
生活完全被限定在
正义与邪恶的精神斗争当中。
01:04
The good was my church and its members,
19
64020
2576
正义的一方是
我的教会及其成员,
01:06
and the evil was everyone else.
20
66620
1920
而其他人则都是邪恶的。
01:09
My church's antics were such
21
69700
1456
我教会的古怪的行为
01:11
that we were constantly
at odds with the world,
22
71180
2416
一直与这个世界大相劲庭,
01:13
and that reinforced
our otherness on a daily basis.
23
73620
2799
这也使得我们。
在日常生活中与他人格格不入
01:17
"Make a difference
between the unclean and the clean,"
24
77460
2616
“要在洁净与不洁净之间进行区分,”
01:20
the verse says,
25
80100
1336
诗文中这样说道,
01:21
and so we did.
26
81460
1336
然后我们就这样做了。
01:22
From baseball games to military funerals,
27
82820
2136
从棒球比赛到军事葬礼,
01:24
we trekked across the country
with neon protest signs in hand
28
84980
3776
我们拿着花花绿绿的抗议标语
走遍全国各地,
01:28
to tell others exactly
how "unclean" they were
29
88780
2976
来告诉人们他们有多么的“不洁净”,
01:31
and exactly why
they were headed for damnation.
30
91780
2720
以及为什么他们将会下地狱。
01:35
This was the focus of our whole lives.
31
95260
2360
这些是我们生活的重心。
01:38
This was the only way for me to do good
in a world that sits in Satan's lap.
32
98220
4120
在这个坠入撒旦怀抱的世界,
这是我唯一做好事的方法。
01:43
And like the rest of my 10 siblings,
33
103180
1976
与我其他10个兄弟姐妹一样,
01:45
I believed what I was taught
with all my heart,
34
105180
2456
我发自内心地相信我被教导的事情,
01:47
and I pursued Westboro's agenda
with a special sort of zeal.
35
107660
2840
并怀着极高的热情
完成威斯特布路的每一次活动。
01:51
In 2009, that zeal brought me to Twitter.
36
111820
2920
在2009年,这种
热情把我带到了推特上,
01:55
Initially, the people
I encountered on the platform
37
115380
2416
最初,我在这上面遇到的人
01:57
were just as hostile as I expected.
38
117820
2216
和我想象中的一样充满了敌意。
02:00
They were the digital version
of the screaming hordes
39
120060
2496
他们就是那些我从小
在抗议里看到的
02:02
I'd been seeing at protests
since I was a kid.
40
122580
2656
叫嚷者的虚拟化身。
02:05
But in the midst of that digital brawl,
41
125260
2456
但是在这些虚拟化的争吵中,
02:07
a strange pattern developed.
42
127740
2336
一种奇怪的模式产生了。
02:10
Someone would arrive at my profile
with the usual rage and scorn,
43
130100
4656
通常人们会带着愤怒和轻蔑
阅读我的资料简介,
02:14
I would respond with a custom mix
of Bible verses, pop culture references
44
134780
4136
而我则以圣经的句子
以及流行文化向他们解释,
02:18
and smiley faces.
45
138940
1200
和一个笑脸。
02:21
They would be understandably
confused and caught off guard,
46
141299
4137
可以理解,
他们的反应既困惑又猝不及防,
02:25
but then a conversation would ensue.
47
145460
1880
但是接下来就会产生对话。
02:27
And it was civil --
48
147940
1256
而且这种对话很文明,
02:29
full of genuine curiosity on both sides.
49
149220
2320
充满着双方真诚的好奇心。
02:32
How had the other come to such
outrageous conclusions about the world?
50
152180
3760
为什么另一方对这个世界
会有如此惊人的结论呢?
02:36
Sometimes the conversation
even bled into real life.
51
156940
2480
有时候这些对话
甚至会渗入到真实生活中来。
02:39
People I'd sparred with on Twitter
52
159980
1656
有些在推特上与我争论过的人,
02:41
would come out
to the picket line to see me
53
161660
2336
当我来到他们所在的城市抗议时,
02:44
when I protested in their city.
54
164020
1480
会到纠察现场来见我。
02:46
A man named David was one such person.
55
166660
2040
一个叫大卫的男人就是其中之一。
02:49
He ran a blog called "Jewlicious,"
56
169340
2440
他开办了一个博客叫做“犹太人的”,
02:52
and after several months
of heated but friendly arguments online,
57
172620
3096
但在几个月的激烈而
友好的的网上辩论之后,
02:55
he came out to see me
at a picket in New Orleans.
58
175740
2400
他到新奥尔良的纠察现场来看我。
02:58
He brought me a Middle Eastern dessert
from Jerusalem, where he lives,
59
178740
3656
他给我带来了
来自他家乡耶路撒的中东甜点,
03:02
and I brought him kosher chocolate
60
182420
2256
而我给他带了
犹太式的巧克力,
03:04
and held a "God hates Jews" sign.
61
184700
2056
还举着“上帝憎恨犹太人”的标语。
03:06
(Laughter)
62
186780
2056
(笑声)
03:08
There was no confusion
about our positions,
63
188860
2056
我们对立关系非常清楚,
03:10
but the line between friend and foe
was becoming blurred.
64
190940
3160
但是朋友和敌人之间的界限
却变得模糊不清了。
03:14
We'd started to see each other
as human beings,
65
194620
2256
我们开始看待对方为人类,
03:16
and it changed the way
we spoke to one another.
66
196900
2200
这也改变了我们之间的沟通方式。
03:20
It took time,
67
200100
1216
这花了一些时间,
03:21
but eventually these conversations
planted seeds of doubt in me.
68
201340
3040
但是这些对话
在我心里埋下了疑惑的种子。
03:24
My friends on Twitter took the time
to understand Westboro's doctrines,
69
204900
3656
我在推特上的朋友们花时间
去试着理解威斯特布路的教义,
03:28
and in doing so,
70
208580
1216
在这个过程中,
03:29
they were able to find inconsistencies
I'd missed my entire life.
71
209820
3200
他们能够找到我没有发现的矛盾。
03:33
Why did we advocate
the death penalty for gays
72
213940
2896
为什么我们倡议处死同性恋,
03:36
when Jesus said, "Let he who is
without sin cast the first stone?"
73
216860
3560
但是耶稣却说
“让没有罪的他扔第一块石头。”
03:41
How could we claim to love our neighbor
74
221100
2456
我们怎么能爱我们的邻居
03:43
while at the same time
praying for God to destroy them?
75
223580
2600
却又向上帝祷告要摧毁他们?
03:47
The truth is that the care shown to me
by these strangers on the internet
76
227700
3816
那些陌生人在网上对我的友善
03:51
was itself a contradiction.
77
231540
1720
本身就是一种矛盾。
03:54
It was growing evidence
78
234020
1256
我逐渐意识到
03:55
that people on the other side were not
the demons I'd been led to believe.
79
235300
3480
在另一边的人们
并不是像我以前所知的魔鬼。
04:00
These realizations were life-altering.
80
240020
2000
这种认识改变了我的人生。
04:03
Once I saw that we were not
the ultimate arbiters of divine truth
81
243060
3256
一旦我知道了我们并不是
神圣真理的最终裁决人
04:06
but flawed human beings,
82
246340
1776
而是有着瑕疵的人类,
04:08
I couldn't pretend otherwise.
83
248140
1560
我也无法假装下去。
04:10
I couldn't justify our actions --
84
250260
2456
我也无法为我们的行为辩解,
04:12
especially our cruel practice
of protesting funerals
85
252740
2976
尤其是我们那些在葬礼上抗议
04:15
and celebrating human tragedy.
86
255740
1680
和庆祝人类悲剧的残忍行为。
04:19
These shifts in my perspective
87
259340
1456
我这些观念上的改变
04:20
contributed to a larger erosion
of trust in my church,
88
260820
3096
进一步导致我对教会信任的崩盘,
04:23
and eventually it made it
impossible for me to stay.
89
263940
2960
最终使我没法在教会继续待下去。
04:28
In spite of overwhelming grief and terror,
I left Westboro in 2012.
90
268500
4279
不管巨大的悲痛和恐惧,
我在2012年离开了威斯特布路浸信会,
04:34
In those days just after I left,
91
274580
1896
在我刚离开的日子里,
04:36
the instinct to hide
was almost paralyzing.
92
276500
3000
逃避的本能使我麻木。
04:40
I wanted to hide
from the judgement of my family,
93
280060
2336
我想逃离我的家人的指责,
04:42
who I knew would never
speak to me again --
94
282420
2216
因为我知道他们再也不会跟我说话,
04:44
people whose thoughts and opinions
had meant everything to me.
95
284660
2920
他们的想法和观点
曾经是我生命中的一切。
04:48
And I wanted to hide from the world
I'd rejected for so long --
96
288100
3376
我也想逃离这个
我一直拒绝的世界,
04:51
people who had no reason at all
to give me a second chance
97
291500
2736
这里的人没有任何
理由再给我第二次机会
04:54
after a lifetime of antagonism.
98
294260
1960
因为我一生的敌意。
04:57
And yet, unbelievably,
99
297420
1576
然而,难以置信的是
04:59
they did.
100
299020
1456
他们给了我机会。
05:00
The world had access to my past
because it was all over the internet --
101
300500
3376
人们可以知道我的过去
因为所一切都可以在网上查到,
05:03
thousands of tweets
and hundreds of interviews,
102
303900
2376
比如说上千条的推特和上百个采访,
05:06
everything from local TV news
to "The Howard Stern Show" --
103
306300
3496
从地电视新闻
到霍华德·斯特恩访谈,
05:09
but so many embraced me
with open arms anyway.
104
309820
2600
但是那么多人张开双臂拥抱我,
05:13
I wrote an apology
for the harm I'd caused,
105
313620
2096
我为我造成的伤害写了一封道歉信,
05:15
but I also knew that an apology
could never undo any of it.
106
315740
3440
但也我知道这封道歉信
什么也弥补不了。
05:19
All I could do was try to build a new life
107
319780
2256
我唯一能做的就是开始新的生活,
05:22
and find a way somehow
to repair some of the damage.
108
322060
3400
找到一个方式弥补一些伤害。
05:26
People had every reason
to doubt my sincerity,
109
326380
2376
人们有着足够的理由来怀疑我的诚意,
05:28
but most of them didn't.
110
328780
1240
但大多数人并没有。
05:30
And --
111
330700
1200
而且,
05:32
given my history,
112
332500
1216
基于我的历史,
05:33
it was more than I could've hoped for --
113
333740
1936
这一切都是我不敢想的,
05:35
forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt.
114
335700
2456
原谅以及疑罪之益。
05:38
It still amazes me.
115
338180
1240
这仍使我震惊。
05:40
I spent my first year away from home
116
340340
2560
起初的第一年我远离了我的家人,
05:44
adrift with my younger sister,
117
344300
1696
跟我的妹妹四处漂泊,
05:46
who had chosen to leave with me.
118
346020
1560
她选择跟我一起离开。
05:48
We walked into an abyss,
119
348620
1536
我们踏入了深渊,
05:50
but we were shocked to find
the light and a way forward
120
350180
3696
但却惊奇的发现了
前方的路和光明,
05:53
in the same communities
we'd targeted for so long.
121
353900
2600
就在我们曾一直敌对的阵营中。
05:57
David,
122
357420
1216
大卫,
05:58
my "Jewlicious" friend from Twitter,
123
358660
1896
我那位来自推特上的“犹太人的”朋友,
06:00
invited us to spend time among
a Jewish community in Los Angeles.
124
360580
3736
邀请我们去洛杉矶
的犹太社区生活一段时间。
06:04
We slept on couches in the home
of a Hasidic rabbi and his wife
125
364340
3216
我们睡在一个犹太学者、
他的妻子和四个孩子的
06:07
and their four kids --
126
367580
1200
家里的沙发上,
06:09
the same rabbi that I'd protested
three years earlier
127
369420
2816
这个学者就是我三年前抗议过的人,
06:12
with a sign that said,
"Your rabbi is a whore."
128
372260
2200
和标语牌写着:
“你们学者是个婊子。”
06:16
We spent long hours talking
about theology and Judaism and life
129
376740
3936
我们花了很长时间讨论
神学、犹太教和人生,
06:20
while we washed dishes
in their kosher kitchen
130
380700
2216
当我们在他犹太式的厨房里刷碗、
06:22
and chopped vegetables for dinner.
131
382940
1720
切菜、准备晚餐时。
06:25
They treated us like family.
132
385420
1560
他们像对待家人一样对待我们。
06:27
They held nothing against us,
133
387460
2096
没有一丝敌意,
06:29
and again I was astonished.
134
389580
1840
这又让我大吃一惊。
06:32
That period was full of turmoil,
135
392580
1696
那段时间我的生活混乱不堪,
06:34
but one part I've returned to often
136
394300
2296
但我经常会想起的就是
06:36
is a surprising realization
I had during that time --
137
396620
2880
在那段时间里,我突然意识到
06:40
that it was a relief and a privilege
to let go of the harsh judgments
138
400340
4256
摒弃我对每个人本能的批判
06:44
that instinctively ran through my mind
about nearly every person I saw.
139
404620
3920
是一种解脱和快乐。
06:49
I realized that now I needed to learn.
140
409500
2720
我意识到现在我需要学习。
06:52
I needed to listen.
141
412860
1240
我需要倾听。
06:55
This has been at the front
of my mind lately,
142
415340
2136
这一直浮现在我的脑海中,
06:57
because I can't help but see
in our public discourse
143
417500
2936
因为我发现公众的评论
07:00
so many of the same destructive impulses
that ruled my former church.
144
420460
4000
有非常多的有破坏性的冲动
主导了我之前所在的教会。
07:05
We celebrate tolerance and diversity
more than at any other time in memory,
145
425380
3936
我们现在比以往任何时候都更
提倡容忍和多样性,
07:09
and still we grow more and more divided.
146
429340
2240
但我们却越来越分离。
07:12
We want good things --
147
432260
1896
我们渴望好的东西,
07:14
justice, equality,
freedom, dignity, prosperity --
148
434180
3616
正义、平等、自由、尊严、繁荣,
07:17
but the path we've chosen
149
437820
1296
但是我们选择的方式
07:19
looks so much like the one
I walked away from four years ago.
150
439140
3120
和四年前我抛弃的方式
是如此的相像。
07:23
We've broken the world into us and them,
151
443180
3136
我们将世界分成了我们和他们,
07:26
only emerging from our bunkers long enough
152
446340
2056
只不过因为我们两方阵营间的距离
07:28
to lob rhetorical grenades
at the other camp.
153
448420
2240
足够我们将言语攻击的手榴弹扔过去。
07:31
We write off half the country
as out-of-touch liberal elites
154
451660
3696
我们很随意的就把国家的
另一半划分为过时的自由主义精英,
07:35
or racist misogynist bullies.
155
455380
2160
或是种族歧视者和性别歧视者。
07:38
No nuance, no complexity, no humanity.
156
458020
3400
无差别,不复杂,也无人性。
07:42
Even when someone does call for empathy
and understanding for the other side,
157
462300
3816
尽管有些人呼吁同情并理解对方,
07:46
the conversation nearly always devolves
158
466140
1896
但对话却总是围绕着
07:48
into a debate about
who deserves more empathy.
159
468060
2240
关于谁更值得同情的争论。
07:51
And just as I learned to do,
160
471540
1496
就像我学会做的,
07:53
we routinely refuse to acknowledge
the flaws in our positions
161
473060
3536
我们通常拒绝承认
我们立场的问题,
07:56
or the merits in our opponent's.
162
476620
1640
或者是对手立场的优点。
07:59
Compromise is anathema.
163
479020
1800
妥协令人厌恶。
08:01
We even target people on our own side
when they dare to question the party line.
164
481420
4120
我们甚至把己方
敢于质疑的人当成攻击对象。
08:06
This path has brought us cruel,
sniping, deepening polarization,
165
486620
4496
这条路带给我们的是残忍、
毒辣和恶化的分裂,
08:11
and even outbreaks of violence.
166
491140
1600
甚至是暴力事件。
08:13
I remember this path.
167
493380
2056
我记得这条路。
08:15
It will not take us where we want to go.
168
495460
2160
它不会带我们去我们想要的地方。
08:18
What gives me hope is that
we can do something about this.
169
498900
2720
带给我希望的是
我们可以改变这个。
08:22
The good news is that it's simple,
170
502380
1640
好消息是这很简单,
08:24
and the bad news is that it's hard.
171
504660
1760
坏消息是这也很困难。
08:27
We have to talk and listen
to people we disagree with.
172
507020
3960
我们需要和观点不一致的人
交谈并倾听。
08:31
It's hard because we often can't fathom
173
511860
1896
而困难的是,我们很难了解
08:33
how the other side
came to their positions.
174
513780
2040
对方立场的逻辑所在。
08:36
It's hard because righteous indignation,
175
516620
2576
确信己方是正确的
08:39
that sense of certainty
that ours is the right side,
176
519220
3176
产生了一种正义感的愤慨,
08:42
is so seductive.
177
522420
1559
这种感觉极具诱惑性。
08:44
It's hard because it means
extending empathy and compassion
178
524739
3337
之所以困难还因为
需要同情和怜悯
08:48
to people who show us
hostility and contempt.
179
528100
2519
那些轻蔑并敌对我们的人。
08:51
The impulse to respond in kind
is so tempting,
180
531420
2959
尽管想要善待他人的冲动很强烈,
08:55
but that isn't who we want to be.
181
535180
1936
但这并不是我们真正想去做的。
08:57
We can resist.
182
537140
1656
我们可以反抗。
08:58
And I will always be inspired to do so
by those people I encountered on Twitter,
183
538820
4456
而我在推特遇到的那些朋友
总是启发我这么做,
09:03
apparent enemies
who became my beloved friends.
184
543300
3696
他们是表面上的敌人,
实际上的挚友。
09:07
And in the case of one particularly
understanding and generous guy,
185
547020
3416
而这其中则有一个
特别善解人意和慷慨的人,
09:10
my husband.
186
550460
1200
我的丈夫。
09:12
There was nothing special
about the way I responded to him.
187
552620
2840
我对待他的态度
与别人没什么不同,
09:16
What was special was their approach.
188
556780
2240
特殊的是他们采取的方式。
09:19
I thought about it a lot
over the past few years
189
559900
2576
我在过去几年一直考虑这个,
09:22
and I found four things
they did differently
190
562500
2856
我发现他们做了四件与众不同的事,
09:25
that made real conversation possible.
191
565380
2080
使得真正的对话成为可能。
09:28
These four steps were small but powerful,
192
568820
2336
这四件事虽小,但充满了力量,
09:31
and I do everything I can to employ them
in difficult conversations today.
193
571180
3760
现在我会尽我所能
在艰难对话中使用它们。
09:36
The first is don't assume bad intent.
194
576060
3200
第一,不要假定他人的意图是坏的。
09:40
My friends on Twitter realized
195
580060
1456
我在推特上的朋友发现
09:41
that even when my words
were aggressive and offensive,
196
581540
2936
尽管我说的话
充满侵略性和攻击性时,
09:44
I sincerely believed
I was doing the right thing.
197
584500
2896
我都真心的觉得自己在做正确的事。
09:47
Assuming ill motives
almost instantly cuts us off
198
587420
2976
假定一个不良动机的同时,
09:50
from truly understanding
why someone does and believes as they do.
199
590420
4296
会让我们无法真正了解
他人所做作为的原因。
09:54
We forget that they're a human being
200
594740
1736
因为我们忘记了他们也是人,
09:56
with a lifetime of experience
that shaped their mind,
201
596500
2976
他们的思想源自于生活,
09:59
and we get stuck
on that first wave of anger,
202
599500
2696
而且一旦冲突出现,
对话就会停滞不前,
10:02
and the conversation has a very hard time
ever moving beyond it.
203
602220
3600
往后的每一步
都会走得异常艰难。
10:06
But when we assume good or neutral intent,
204
606620
2656
但当我们假定他人的意图
是好的或者是中立的,
10:09
we give our minds a much stronger
framework for dialogue.
205
609300
3000
我们的大脑在对话中就会更活跃。
10:13
The second is ask questions.
206
613980
2840
第二,提出疑问。
10:17
When we engage people
across ideological divides,
207
617580
2576
当我们与他人出现
思想意识上的分歧时,
10:20
asking questions
helps us map the disconnect
208
620180
2456
用疑问来帮助我们填补
10:22
between our differing points of view.
209
622660
1800
由于观点分歧而产生的鸿沟。
10:25
That's important because
we can't present effective arguments
210
625020
2896
这是非常重要的,因为如果
我们不了解对方的观点从何而来,
10:27
if we don't understand where
the other side is actually coming from
211
627940
3360
我们就无法开展有效的讨论,
10:32
and because it gives them an opportunity
to point out flaws in our positions.
212
632140
4120
同时,这也为对方提供了
发现我方观点漏洞的机会。
10:36
But asking questions
serves another purpose;
213
636900
2456
而且提出问题还有另一个目的,
10:39
it signals to someone
that they're being heard.
214
639380
2480
它可以让对方知道你在倾听他们。
10:42
When my friends on Twitter
stopped accusing
215
642580
2136
当我在推特上的朋友不再指责我,
10:44
and started asking questions,
216
644740
1776
而是提出疑问,
10:46
I almost automatically mirrored them.
217
646540
2240
我就会本能的的回应这些问题。
10:49
Their questions gave me room to speak,
218
649580
1856
这些问题为我提供了说话的空间,
10:51
but they also gave me permission
to ask them questions
219
651460
3376
同时也为我提供了
提出问题的机会,
10:54
and to truly hear their responses.
220
654860
2160
并认真的听他们的回复。
10:57
It fundamentally changed
the dynamic of our conversation.
221
657700
2800
这从根本上改变了
我们对话的模式。
11:02
The third is stay calm.
222
662140
1800
第三,保持冷静。
11:04
This takes practice and patience,
223
664820
1816
这需要耐心和练习,
11:06
but it's powerful.
224
666660
1320
但却充满了力量。
11:08
At Westboro, I learned not to care
how my manner of speaking affected others.
225
668540
4296
在威斯特布路,我学会无视
我的言行举止对他人的影响。
11:12
I thought my rightness
justified my rudeness --
226
672860
3056
我认为我正确的观点
使我的粗鲁合理,
11:15
harsh tones, raised voices,
insults, interruptions --
227
675940
3736
刺耳的话语、升高的嗓门、
侮辱他人、打断他人,
11:19
but that strategy
is ultimately counterproductive.
228
679700
2440
但这些手段最后总是
会起到反作用。
11:22
Dialing up the volume and the snark
is natural in stressful situations,
229
682780
3776
面临巨大的压力时,
提高声调、急躁是一种本能的反应,
11:26
but it tends to bring the conversation
to an unsatisfactory, explosive end.
230
686580
5000
但这将会使对话得不到想要的结果
最后以崩盘告终。
11:32
When my husband was still
just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance,
231
692420
3256
当我的丈夫仍只是
我的一个匿名的推特网友时,
11:35
our discussions frequently
became hard and pointed,
232
695700
2856
我们之间的讨论经常针锋相对,
11:38
but we always refused to escalate.
233
698580
1960
但我们总是不让这种坏局面加剧。
11:41
Instead, he would change the subject.
234
701180
1936
相反的是,他会转换话题,
11:43
He would tell a joke or recommend a book
235
703140
2216
他会讲一个笑话或者推荐一本书,
11:45
or gently excuse himself
from the conversation.
236
705380
3200
或者是绅士地离开对话。
11:49
We knew the discussion wasn't over,
237
709380
1856
我们都知道讨论并没有结束,
11:51
just paused for a time
to bring us back to an even keel.
238
711260
3320
只是停顿一会儿,
使我们找回平和的心态。
11:55
People often lament that digital
communication makes us less civil,
239
715420
3176
人们总是抱怨虚拟的交流
使我们变得不那么文明,
11:58
but this is one advantage that online
conversations have over in-person ones.
240
718620
4240
但网络对话相比面对面也有一个优势。
12:03
We have a buffer of time and space
241
723500
2616
当我们与他人的对话
变得极度令人沮丧时,
12:06
between us and the people
whose ideas we find so frustrating.
242
726140
3320
我们有缓冲的时间和空间,
12:10
We can use that buffer.
243
730100
2056
我们可以利用这个缓冲。
12:12
Instead of lashing out,
we can pause, breathe,
244
732180
3696
而不是猛烈抨击
我们可以暂停、深呼吸,
12:15
change the subject or walk away,
245
735900
2176
改变话题或者离开,
12:18
and then come back to it when we're ready.
246
738100
2440
等准备好了再回来。
12:22
And finally ...
247
742020
1200
最后,
12:24
make the argument.
248
744580
1200
提供论据。
12:27
This might seem obvious,
249
747940
1296
这是显而易见的,
12:29
but one side effect
of having strong beliefs
250
749260
2576
但拥有坚定信念的一个副作用就是,
12:31
is that we sometimes assume
251
751860
1616
有时候我们会假定
12:33
that the value of our position
is or should be obvious and self-evident,
252
753500
5096
自己的价值观和立场
应该是显而易见的,
12:38
that we shouldn't
have to defend our positions
253
758620
2216
我们不需要解释,
12:40
because they're so clearly right and good
254
760860
3096
因为很显然是如此的清晰正确,
12:43
that if someone doesn't get it,
it's their problem --
255
763980
2576
如果他人不明白,
那一定是他们的问题,
12:46
that it's not my job to educate them.
256
766580
1920
我没有义务教育他们。
12:49
But if it were that simple,
257
769380
1336
但如果事情都如此简单,
12:50
we would all see things the same way.
258
770740
1800
我们就不会出现任何分歧了。
12:53
As kind as my friends on Twitter were,
259
773180
2456
就像我在推特上的朋友一样,
12:55
if they hadn't actually
made their arguments,
260
775660
2376
如果他们不提出真实的论据,
12:58
it would've been so much harder for me
to see the world in a different way.
261
778060
3560
我很难能站在
另一个角度看待这个世界,
13:02
We are all a product of our upbringing,
262
782780
2416
我们都是生活环境造就出来的产物,
13:05
and our beliefs reflect our experiences.
263
785220
2520
我们的信仰来自于生活经历。
13:08
We can't expect others
to spontaneously change their own minds.
264
788380
3520
我们不能期待他人自愿改变想法。
13:12
If we want change,
265
792380
1416
如果我们希望改变,
13:13
we have to make the case for it.
266
793820
1720
我们要为此付诸努力。
13:16
My friends on Twitter didn't abandon
their beliefs or their principles --
267
796980
4056
我在推特上的朋友并没有
放弃他们的信仰和原则,
13:21
only their scorn.
268
801060
1200
他们放弃的只是轻蔑。
13:23
They channeled their
infinitely justifiable offense
269
803060
3616
他们带着大量合理的证据和问题,
13:26
and came to me with pointed questions
tempered with kindness and humor.
270
806700
4120
还有友善和幽默来找我。
13:31
They approached me as a human being,
271
811700
2096
他们以人类的方式与我沟通,
13:33
and that was more transformative
272
813820
1576
这远比20年的愤怒、蔑视和暴力,
13:35
than two full decades
of outrage, disdain and violence.
273
815420
4240
更能改变一个人。
13:40
I know that some might not have
the time or the energy or the patience
274
820580
3776
我知道有些人可能
没有时间、精力或者耐心,
13:44
for extensive engagement,
275
824380
1256
去接触这么多的人,
13:45
but as difficult as it can be,
276
825660
2056
尽管非常困难,
13:47
reaching out to someone we disagree with
277
827740
2496
但去接触一些与我们有不同观点的人,
13:50
is an option that is
available to all of us.
278
830260
2280
是我们每个人都可以做出的选择。
13:53
And I sincerely believe
that we can do hard things,
279
833100
3816
而且我真心的相信
人是可以克服困难的,
13:56
not just for them
but for us and our future.
280
836940
2640
不仅仅是为了他人
也为了我们和我们的未来。
14:00
Escalating disgust
and intractable conflict
281
840300
2496
不断增加的厌恶和无休止的争吵
14:02
are not what we want for ourselves,
282
842820
2136
并不是我们想要的,
14:04
or our country
283
844980
1256
也不是我们国家想要的,
14:06
or our next generation.
284
846260
1200
或我们下一代想要的。
14:09
My mom said something to me
a few weeks before I left Westboro,
285
849340
4296
在我离开威斯特布路几周前,
14:13
when I was desperately hoping
286
853660
1416
当时我非常渴望
14:15
there was a way
I could stay with my family.
287
855100
2080
我能够回到家里和家人呆在一起。
14:18
People I have loved
with every pulse of my heart
288
858740
2376
自我还是一个
手里拿着我读不懂的标语,
14:21
since even before I was
that chubby-cheeked five-year-old,
289
861140
3336
蓝眼睛、胖乎乎的5岁小女孩儿时,
14:24
standing on a picket line
holding a sign I couldn't read.
290
864500
2680
我就全心全意的爱着他们。
14:27
She said, "You're just a human being,
291
867980
2656
我妈妈说,“你只是一个人而已,
14:30
my dear, sweet child."
292
870660
1680
我亲爱的宝贝。”
14:33
She was asking me to be humble --
293
873580
2256
她告诉我做人要谦卑,
14:35
not to question
but to trust God and my elders.
294
875860
3120
不要去质疑,
而是相信上帝和长辈们。
14:39
But to me, she was missing
the bigger picture --
295
879780
3536
但对我来说
她忘了更重要的一点,
14:43
that we're all just human beings.
296
883340
1960
我们都是普通人。
14:45
That we should be guided
by that most basic fact,
297
885940
2936
我们都需要跟着事实走,
14:48
and approach one another
with generosity and compassion.
298
888900
3216
用慷慨和激情来对待他人。
14:52
Each one of us
contributes to the communities
299
892140
2296
我们每个人都要为造就我们的
社区、文化以及社会
14:54
and the cultures and the societies
that we make up.
300
894460
2560
做出我们应有的贡献。
14:57
The end of this spiral of rage and blame
begins with one person
301
897820
4656
结束这种愤怒和责备的轮回
只需从一个人开始,
15:02
who refuses to indulge
these destructive, seductive impulses.
302
902500
4760
就是那个拒绝破坏性
和诱惑性冲动的人,
15:07
We just have to decide
that it's going to start with us.
303
907740
3016
我们可以让自己成为那个人。
15:10
Thank you.
304
910780
1216
谢谢大家。
15:12
(Applause)
305
912020
4310
(掌声)
New videos
Original video on YouTube.com
关于本网站
这个网站将向你介绍对学习英语有用的YouTube视频。你将看到来自世界各地的一流教师教授的英语课程。双击每个视频页面上显示的英文字幕,即可从那里播放视频。字幕会随着视频的播放而同步滚动。如果你有任何意见或要求,请使用此联系表与我们联系。