How I became part sea urchin | Catherine Mohr

翻译人员: Lipeng Chen 校对人员: jacks peng

My story starts in the northern Galapagos Islands,

我的故事始于北加拉帕戈斯群岛，

under 50 feet of water and a big school of sharks.

50英尺的水下，还有一大群鲨鱼。

I'd been scuba diving with a group of friends for about a week,

我已经和一群朋友用水肺 潜水了约一周时间，

一切都是那么美妙：

and it had been glorious:

manta rays, whale sharks,

蝠鲼、鲸鲨、

penguins and, of course, hammerhead sharks.

企鹅，当然还有双髻鲨。

Today's dive was particularly tricky.

不过今天的潜水特别不顺。

The surge was terrible.

水流太糟糕了。

You had to have your camera rig tight in

我不得不把相机抱在一边的腋下，

and your arm out,

并且伸出另一只手，

because the surge kept throwing you into the rocks

因为当我在拍那些漂亮的照片时，

水流一直把我往石头上推。

while you're scanning up for that beautiful photograph.

It was going OK, until ...

一开始还算顺利，渐渐地……

not OK.

情况就不那么乐观了。

Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

糟糕，非常糟糕。

I pulled my hand back,

我把手缩回来，

and I had long, black sea urchin spines

然后看到又长又黑的海胆刺

all the way through my gloves,

贯穿了我的防护手套，

which meant all the way through my hand.

也就是说，刺穿了我的手。

Now, this is bad.

这下糟糕了。

I mean, obviously when you have something all the way through your hand,

不用说，有任何东西刺穿你的手的时候，

it's kind of bad anyway,

都挺糟糕的。

but in this case, sea urchins have a venom on them that,

但是现在的问题是，海胆上有一种毒素，

if you've ever tangled with them,

如果你与它们有过接触，

you know that a sea urchin spine in you gives you horrible, painful inflammation.

你就知道海胆刺会给你带来 可怕、痛苦的炎症。

But that wasn't even topmost in my mind at this point.

但这并不是我此时脑中的头等大事。

This did not look real.

这看上去不像是真的。

I could not believe that this was my hand.

我不相信这是我的手。

Now, in a crisis, I tend to disassociate into, like, little scientists,

在遇到危机时，我的大脑通常会 表现得有点像个小小科学家，

and I start talking very analytically.

说起话来分析得头头是道。

All analysis was gone, adrenaline brain kicked in,

但当时，理性分析的大脑消失了， 而肾上腺素大脑出现了，

and I just yanked the spines out.

我就直接把海胆刺猛地拔了出来。

I don't remember doing it.

我甚至不记得我这么做了。

I just remember thinking, "I can't get my glove off with these in here."

我只记得当时想着，“我可不能 把这些东西留在我的手套上。”

I do remember taking the glove off

我记得当我脱下手套时，

and a big plume of black coming up in front of my face.

我的眼前出现了一股黑色的物质。

And biologist brain now shows up and starts freaking out.

现在，生物学大脑占了上风， 我突然有一些不知所措。

"How could all that toxin have gotten into that wound already?"

“毒素怎么可能已经进入到了伤口中？”

Well, physicist brain then shows up and very calmly explains,

然后物理学大脑出现了， 非常冷静的解释道，

"No, no, no, we're at 50 feet,

“不，不，不， 我们现在在水下50英尺，

red wavelengths are attenuated.

红光波长被削弱了。

That's blood -- not black.

那是血——不是黑的。

And sharks.

头顶上还有鲨鱼。

So what are you gonna do?"

你现在打算怎么办？”

Well, I cranked my cummerbund down really hard over my hand,

于是，我把腹带紧紧的缠在了手上，

and I simply swam away.

然后就游开了。

"Let's let that big old cloud of blood dissipate a bit before we have to surface

“在上浮并游向鲨鱼成群的水面之前，

through all of these sharks."

得先让那一大团血消散一些。”

So when I did surface,

当我开始上浮时，

my warm-blooded-mammal brain

我那温血哺乳动物的大脑

was in an absolute gibbering panic:

已经慌乱到了极点：

"They don't feed when they're schooling. They don't feed when they're schooling.

“它们成群而游时不进食。 它们成群而游时不进食。

All the way up."

只管向上游吧。”

And they didn't.

它们的确没有进食。

So apparently, they have read the same books that I have.

显然，鲨鱼和我读过一样的书。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, it turns out,

事实是，

when you've been stabbed with sea urchin spines,

如果你被海胆刺扎了，

and you're two days away from any medical help,

而且两天之内无法得到任何医疗救助，

the thing that you've got to do is, unfortunately, cook your hand.

很不幸，你能做的事情只有烫敷。

So you put it in water as hot as you can stand,

所以我把手放在所能承受的最烫的水里，

and you keep adding boiling water

然后不断地加开水，

until you think you will go absolutely insane.

直到我觉得自己已经完全疯了。

Now, it worked --

不过这个做法起效了——

the hand itself did not work so well for several weeks after that,

在那后的前几周，手还不太灵活，

but eventually, fine motor skills returned.

但最终，我那灵敏的手又回来了。

All except for one spot, that stayed stiff and painful for weeks

但有一处地方， 即使其他功能都逐渐恢复了，

after the other things had gotten better.

这里却仍然持续僵硬并疼痛了数周时间。

So it turned out, I'd broken off a tip of the urchin spine

后来我发现，我把一小段海胆刺

in the joint itself,

留在了关节里，

and that's why it wasn't getting better.

这就是那一处没有好转的原因。

So the orthopedist says, "You know, we should get this out.

骨科医生说，“我们得把它取出来。

Nothing too urgent, not an emergency."

不是很紧急，算不上很要紧的事。”

So we scheduled a small surgery for a few weeks out on a Monday.

所以我们定下在几周后的 周一做个小手术。

And on the Friday before,

然而在约定日期的前一个周五，

I broke my pelvis in a horseback riding accident.

我在骑马时发生了事故，摔坏了骨盆。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah.

就是这么个尴尬的时间。

所以我们不得不推迟了那个手术。

So we kind of postponed that surgery.

My broken pelvis and I were now facing six weeks on the couch,

我不得不带着破碎的骨盆 在沙发上躺上六周的时间，

and I would have gone absolutely insane if it hadn't been for my friends.

如果没有朋友们的陪伴， 我肯定早就疯了。

Spontaneous parties broke out at my house every night for weeks.

我的住处总在举办派对， 周周如此，夜夜如此。

I was fed. I was entertained.

我吃饱喝足，尽情享乐。

It was great.

简直太棒了。

But that kind of enthusiasm is sort of hard to sustain over the long term,

但是那种热情很难长期维持，

and eventually it petered down to just one friend,

最后只剩下了一个朋友，

who would send me jokes during the day

他白天会给我发笑话，

and come and keep me company in the evenings --

晚上会来陪伴我——

someone I got to know a whole lot better during this period of convalescence.

在康复期间，我更深入地了解了这个人。

And when I was finally pronounced well enough

当我被通知已经康复

to do weight-bearing activities,

并可以做负重活动时，

we loaded a telescope in the car and drove up into the mountains

我们在车里装了一个望远镜，开上了山，

to look at the Hale–Bopp comet.

一起仰望海尔-博普彗星。

Yes, we are geeks.

是的，我们蛮酷炫的。

And got caught in a landslide.

然后遇上了滑坡。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I know -- like, really?

我知道你们在想——这也太悲催了吧？

No. Just kidding.

其实这只是个玩笑。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

No more disasters. No. Just the opposite, in fact.

不要再有灾难了，我受够了。 事实上恰恰相反。

That was 21 years ago,

那是在21年前，

and for 19 of those years,

之后的19年里，

I have been married to that marvelous introvert

我嫁给了那个无与伦比的内向的他，

who never in a million years would have approached me

那个在其他任何情况下，

under other circumstances.

永远不可能主动接近我的人。

We have a wonderful 14-year-old daughter,

我们有了一个超级棒的14岁女儿，

who did all my illustrations.

她画了所有这些插图。

(Cheers and applause)

（欢呼和掌声）

是的。

Yeah.

So, pro tip:

那么，给大家一些建议：

apparently, nothing makes you sexier than needing a walker

显然，没有比在第一次约会时 就需要一个助步车

on your first date.

更让你显得性感的事了。

So this isn't a story about piercings

所以这不是一个关于穿刺或是鲨鱼

or sharks or boilings or breakings.

或是煮东西或是骨折的故事。

It's a love story.

这是一个爱情故事。

It's a love story with a funny little epilogue.

这个爱情故事还有个有趣的尾声。

Now I was weight-bearing again, I could reschedule that surgery,

现在我又可以负重了， 我可以重新安排那个手术，

get the spine out.

把刺取出来。

But I didn't need it anymore.

但是我不再需要这个手术了。

Turns out, when you break a bone,

事实上，当你骨折时，

your body scavenges calcium from all the bones in your body --

你的身体会从你身上的 所有骨头汲取钙质——

and from the little sea urchin spine that you happen to have lodged

也会从那个手指关节中

in the joint of your finger.

不小心被刺入的海胆刺中汲取。

是的，

So yes,

my pelvis is now part sea urchin.

现在我的骨盆有一部分是海胆了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So to biology brain, physicist brain,

除了生物学大脑，物理学大脑，

adrenaline brain, warm-blooded-mammal brain,

肾上腺素大脑，温血哺乳动物大脑，

I get to add "urchin brain,"

我还要加一个“海胆大脑，”

with all of the superpowers that that confers.

用来表示它所赋予我的所有超能力。

You don't need to worry, though:

但你们不必担心：

that I am not fully human is one of the things

虽然我并不完全是个人类，

that my family loves the most about me.

但我的家人最爱我的正是这一点。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Thank you very much.

非常感谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）