How I became part sea urchin | Catherine Mohr

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Ziyun Liao

My story starts in the northern Galapagos Islands,

我的故事開始於北方的科隆群島，

under 50 feet of water and a big school of sharks.

在水面下五十英呎， 和一大群鯊魚。

I'd been scuba diving with a group of friends for about a week,

我和一群朋友已經 水肺潛水了大約一星期，

一切都是那麼美妙：

and it had been glorious:

manta rays, whale sharks,

鬼蝠魟、鯨鯊、

penguins and, of course, hammerhead sharks.

企鵝，當然也少不了錘頭鯊。

Today's dive was particularly tricky.

今天的潛水特別需要技巧。

The surge was terrible.

海浪的狀況很糟。

You had to have your camera rig tight in

你得要把攝影裝備綁好在內側，

and your arm out,

一隻手伸出去，

because the surge kept throwing you into the rocks

因為當你在尋找 可以拍攝的美景時，

while you're scanning up for that beautiful photograph.

浪濤會不斷讓你撞上岩石。

It was going OK, until ...

本來都還好，直到……

not OK.

大事不妙。

Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

有什麼地方非常，非常的不對勁。

I pulled my hand back,

我把我的手收回來，

and I had long, black sea urchin spines

又長又黑的海膽尖刺

貫穿了我的手套，

all the way through my gloves,

which meant all the way through my hand.

也就是說，貫穿了我的手。

Now, this is bad.

情況很糟糕。

I mean, obviously when you have something all the way through your hand,

畢竟，很顯然，當某樣東西 貫穿你的手時，

it's kind of bad anyway,

都不是什麼好事，

but in this case, sea urchins have a venom on them that,

但我的情況更加嚴重， 因為海膽是有毒的，

if you've ever tangled with them,

如果你曾經跟牠們糾纏過

you know that a sea urchin spine in you gives you horrible, painful inflammation.

就知道被海膽的尖刺扎到後， 你的手會恐怖又痛苦地發炎。

But that wasn't even topmost in my mind at this point.

但當時，那都不是 我腦袋裡想的最重要的事。

This did not look real.

這一切看起來那麼不真實。

I could not believe that this was my hand.

我無法相信這就是我的手。

Now, in a crisis, I tend to disassociate into, like, little scientists,

在危機時刻，我通常從自己身上 分離出一個個小科學家，

and I start talking very analytically.

然後開始用分析的眼光看待問題。

All analysis was gone, adrenaline brain kicked in,

分析完一切後，在腎上腺素作用下 我的大腦都開始運作了，

and I just yanked the spines out.

我用力把尖刺拔了出來。

I don't remember doing it.

我不記得我拔了刺。

I just remember thinking, "I can't get my glove off with these in here."

我只記得心想：「這些尖刺 還在的話，我就無法脫下手套。」

I do remember taking the glove off

我確實記得脫下手套後，

and a big plume of black coming up in front of my face.

我面前出現了一團黑色。

And biologist brain now shows up and starts freaking out.

我腦袋裡的小生物學家開始出現， 被眼前的情況嚇壞了。

"How could all that toxin have gotten into that wound already?"

「怎麼可能所有的毒素都已經 進到傷口當中了？」

Well, physicist brain then shows up and very calmly explains,

接著小物理學家又在腦中現身， 非常冷靜地解釋：

"No, no, no, we're at 50 feet,

「不，不，不， 我們在五十英呎深，

red wavelengths are attenuated.

紅色波長會減弱。

That's blood -- not black.

那是血，不是黑色的毒素。

And sharks.

但血會招來鯊魚。

So what are you gonna do?"

這下該怎麼辦？」

Well, I cranked my cummerbund down really hard over my hand,

我把我的腰帶緊緊地纏在我的手上，

and I simply swam away.

然後就游開了。

"Let's let that big old cloud of blood dissipate a bit before we have to surface

「咱們先讓那團血消散一下， 然後我們再向上浮，

through all of these sharks."

穿過所有的鯊魚。」

So when I did surface,

所以，當我浮起來時，

my warm-blooded-mammal brain

我腦中的溫血哺乳類動物，

was in an absolute gibbering panic:

完全處於語無倫次的驚慌中：

"They don't feed when they're schooling. They don't feed when they're schooling.

「牠們成群結隊的時候不會進食。 牠們成群結隊的時候不會進食。

All the way up."

一路向上不要停。」

And they didn't.

牠們的確沒有把我吃掉。

So apparently, they have read the same books that I have.

很顯然，牠們讀的書和我讀的一樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, it turns out,

事實證明，

when you've been stabbed with sea urchin spines,

當你被海膽的尖刺扎傷，

and you're two days away from any medical help,

且最快受到醫療協助還要兩天時，

the thing that you've got to do is, unfortunately, cook your hand.

很不幸的是你必須煮你的手。

So you put it in water as hot as you can stand,

所以，你要把手放在 你所能忍受的最高溫的水中，

and you keep adding boiling water

並且持續不斷的加熱水進去，

until you think you will go absolutely insane.

直到你認為你想必要發瘋了為止。

Now, it worked --

而這確實奏效了——

the hand itself did not work so well for several weeks after that,

雖然之後的幾週時間裡， 那隻手並沒有恢復如初，

but eventually, fine motor skills returned.

但所幸後來手指頭 精細運作的能力恢復了。

All except for one spot, that stayed stiff and painful for weeks

只除了一個部位又持續 僵硬和痛苦了數週，

after the other things had gotten better.

在其他地方都大有起色情況下。

So it turned out, I'd broken off a tip of the urchin spine

結果發現，我把海膽刺的尖端弄斷了，

in the joint itself,

留在了關節裡，

and that's why it wasn't getting better.

那就是為什麼那個部位 一直沒有康復。

So the orthopedist says, "You know, we should get this out.

整形外科的醫生說： 「我們得把它弄出來。

Nothing too urgent, not an emergency."

但這不是很緊急的狀況。」

So we scheduled a small surgery for a few weeks out on a Monday.

所以，我們排訂了一個小手術， 時間是幾週後的星期一。

And on the Friday before,

在那前一週的星期五，

I broke my pelvis in a horseback riding accident.

我在騎馬時意外墜馬， 導致骨盆破裂。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah.

是的。

So we kind of postponed that surgery.

所以我們就把手術延後了。

My broken pelvis and I were now facing six weeks on the couch,

我破裂的骨盆和我面臨六個 星期都只能坐在沙發上，

and I would have gone absolutely insane if it hadn't been for my friends.

若不是我的朋友，我真的會發瘋。

Spontaneous parties broke out at my house every night for weeks.

連續好幾個星期，朋友們每天晚上 都自發的在我的房子裡舉辦派對。

I was fed. I was entertained.

有人喂我吃飯，還逗我開心，

It was great.

這一切何其開心。

But that kind of enthusiasm is sort of hard to sustain over the long term,

但長期來說，那種熱情 很難一直維持，

and eventually it petered down to just one friend,

最終，漸漸只剩下了一個朋友，

who would send me jokes during the day

這個朋友會在白天傳笑話給我，

and come and keep me company in the evenings --

晚上親自過來陪伴我——

someone I got to know a whole lot better during this period of convalescence.

在這段恢復期，我對 這位朋友的認識增加非常多。

And when I was finally pronounced well enough

終於，我的情況明顯好了許多，

to do weight-bearing activities,

甚至可以進行一些負重活動。

we loaded a telescope in the car and drove up into the mountains

我們把一台望遠鏡 放到車上，開車到山裡，

to look at the Hale–Bopp comet.

去看海爾—博普彗星。

Yes, we are geeks.

是的，我們是怪胎。

And got caught in a landslide.

結果被山體滑坡困住了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I know -- like, really?

我知道——你們會想， 真的假的？！

No. Just kidding.

假的，開玩笑啦。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

No more disasters. No. Just the opposite, in fact.

沒有災難了。沒了。 事實上，完全相反。

That was 21 years ago,

那是 21 年前，

and for 19 of those years,

這 21 年中的 19 年，

I have been married to that marvelous introvert

我嫁給了那一位很棒的內向老公，

who never in a million years would have approached me

在其他的情況下，他本來絕對不可能

under other circumstances.

會來接近我的。

We have a wonderful 14-year-old daughter,

我們有個 14 歲的好女兒，

who did all my illustrations.

這些圖畫都是她畫的。

(Cheers and applause)

（歡呼與掌聲）

Yeah.

是啊。

So, pro tip:

所以，專家秘訣：

apparently, nothing makes you sexier than needing a walker

很顯然，沒有什麼比需要助行器 能讓你更性感了，

on your first date.

在你的第一次約會的時候。

So this isn't a story about piercings

所以，這並不是一個關於穿刺、

or sharks or boilings or breakings.

鯊魚、烹煮，或是斷骨的故事。

It's a love story.

這是個愛情故事。

It's a love story with a funny little epilogue.

這個愛情故事有著很有趣的收尾。

Now I was weight-bearing again, I could reschedule that surgery,

我又可以承受我的體重了， 可以安排那個手術，

get the spine out.

把尖刺取出來。

But I didn't need it anymore.

但我不再需要了。

Turns out, when you break a bone,

結果發現，當你斷骨時，

your body scavenges calcium from all the bones in your body --

你的身體會從體內 所有的骨頭中尋覓鈣質，

and from the little sea urchin spine that you happen to have lodged

也會從你手指關節中剛好刺進去的

in the joint of your finger.

那個小小海膽尖刺尋覓鈣質。

So yes,

所以，是的，

my pelvis is now part sea urchin.

我的骨盆現有一部分是海膽了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So to biology brain, physicist brain,

所以，除了生物學的部分、 物理學的部分、

adrenaline brain, warm-blooded-mammal brain,

腎上腺素的部分、 溫血動物的部分，

I get to add "urchin brain,"

海膽也成為了我身體的一部分，

with all of the superpowers that that confers.

帶著它所賦予的所有超能力。

You don't need to worry, though:

不過，你們不用擔心：

that I am not fully human is one of the things

我的家人最愛我的 其中一項特質，就是：

that my family loves the most about me.

我不是 100% 人類。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Thank you very much.

非常謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）