Colin Grant: The son of a difficult father

翻译人员: Ru Zha 校对人员: Panpan XIONG

This is a photograph

这是一张照片

of a man whom for many years

照片中的男人是一个很多年来

I plotted to kill.

我都处心积虑想杀掉的人。

This is my father,

他是我的父亲，

Clinton George "Bageye" Grant.

克林顿 乔治 "泡泡眼“ 格兰。

He's called Bageye because he has

他被称为“泡泡眼”是因为

permanent bags under his eyes.

在他的眼下永远有两个大眼袋。

As a 10-year-old, along with my siblings,

作为一个十岁的孩子，与兄弟姐妹一同，

I dreamt of scraping off the poison

我设想着将除蝇纸上的

from fly-killer paper into his coffee,

毒药刮下来放到我父亲的咖啡中；

grounded down glass and sprinkling it

将玻璃摔碎然后

over his breakfast,

洒在他的早餐上；

loosening the carpet on the stairs

把台阶上的地毯弄皱，

so he would trip and break his neck.

这样他就会绊倒然后摔断脖子。

But come the day, he would always

但是，在当天他总是能

skip that loose step,

越过那节松了的台阶，

he would always bow out of the house

他总是会低着头就出门了，

without so much as a swig of coffee

而没有大口喝咖啡，

or a bite to eat.

也没有吃一口早餐。

And so for many years,

因此，这么多年来，

I feared that my father would die

我害怕我的父亲在我有机会

before I had a chance to kill him.

杀掉他之前就去世了。

(Laughter)

（笑声...)

Up until our mother asked him to leave

在我们的母亲让他离开，

and not come back,

并且再也不要回来之前，

Bageye had been a terrifying ogre.

“泡泡眼”一直是一个可怕的恶魔，

He teetered permanently on the verge of rage,

他永远都在愤怒的边缘徘徊，

rather like me, as you see.

这和我有些相像， 如你们现在看到的这样。

He worked nights at Vauxhall Motors in Luton

他在卢顿的沃克斯豪尔公司上夜班，

and demanded total silence throughout the house,

因此他要求在白天房子里要绝对安静。

so that when we came home from school

这就使得，当我们下午三点

at 3:30 in the afternoon, we would huddle

放学回家后，会挤在电视旁，

beside the TV, and rather like safe-crackers,

像破解保险箱的窃贼似的，

we would twiddle with the volume control knob

我们会转动电视上的声音调节钮，

on the TV so it was almost inaudible.

来让它的声音几乎听不见。

And at times, when we were like this,

每当我们这样做的时候，

so much "Shhh," so much "Shhh"

屋子里只会有许多

going on in the house

“嘘..." ”嘘..."的声音。

that I imagined us to be like

这让我想象我们就像

the German crew of a U-boat

德国U型潜艇上的船员似的，

creeping along the edge of the ocean

在大海的边缘悄悄潜行，

whilst up above, on the surface,

同时在上方的水面上，

HMS Bageye patrolled

“泡泡眼”号皇家海军在巡逻，

ready to drop death charges

随时准备着在听到第一声

at the first sound of any disturbance.

噪音时执行死刑。

So that lesson was the lesson that

所以，那节课给我的告诫正是：

"Do not draw attention to yourself

“无论在家里，还是在外面，

either in the home or outside of the home."

都不要将别人的注意力引到你身上。”

Maybe it's a migrant lesson.

也许这是对移民者告诫。

We were to be below the radar,

我们就像是暴露在雷达下的目标一样，

so there was no communication, really,

所以，在“泡泡眼”和我们之间

between Bageye and us and us and Bageye,

之际上并没有真正的交流。

and the sound that we most looked forward to,

而我们最期盼听到的声音，

you know when you're a child and you want

如大家所知那样，当你还是个孩子时，

your father to come home and it's all going to be happy

你盼望着你的父亲回家， 然后所以的一切都将幸福欢乐，

and you're waiting for that sound of the door opening.

这就会让你期待着家门被打开的声音。

Well the sound that we looked forward to

然而，我和我的兄弟姐妹所期盼的声音

was the click of the door closing,

是房门被关上时的声响，

which meant he'd gone and would not come back.

这就意味着我们的父亲出去了且不会回来了。

So for three decades,

因而，三十多年来，

I never laid eyes on my father, nor he on me.

我从未注视过父亲一眼， 而他也没注视过我。

We never spoke to each other for three decades,

在过去的三十多年， 我们从未交谈过，

and then a couple of years ago, I decided

然后，在几年前，我决定

to turn the spotlight on him.

将聚光灯投向他。

"You are being watched.

“你正在被监视，

Actually, you are.

真的，

You are being watched."

你正在被监视着”

That was his mantra to us, his children.

这是他对我们—他的孩子们， 所说的咒语。

Time and time again he would say this to us.

一次又一次他这样对我们念道。

And this was the 1970s, it was Luton,

这张照片就是1970年摄于卢顿，

where he worked at Vauxhall Motors,

他当时在沃克斯豪尔公司工作，

and he was a Jamaican.

他是牙买加人。

And what he meant was,

他说那些话的意思就是，

you as a child of a Jamaican immigrant

你作为一个牙买加移民者的孩子，

are being watched

你是时刻被人监视着的。

to see which way you turn, to see whether

有人监视你拐向哪条路，监视你

you conform to the host nation's stereotype of you,

是否遵守你所移入国家为你设立的模式，

of being feckless, work-shy,

表现的没有价值，游手好闲，

destined for a life of crime.

注定一生充满罪行。

You are being watched,

你正在被监视着，

so confound their expectations of you.

所以，把他们所有的期盼都打消吧。

To that end, Bageye and his friends,

最后，“泡泡眼”和他的朋友们，

mostly Jamaican,

大部分都是牙买加人，

exhibited a kind of Jamaican bella figura:

展示了一种良好的印象：

Turn your best side to the world,

把你最好的一面展示给世界，

show your best face to the world.

将你最好的面貌展现给世界。

If you have seen some of the images

如果你见过这些

of the Caribbean people arriving

四五十年代时加勒比人

in the '40s and '50s,

刚到达这里的图片，

you might have noticed that a lot of the men

你也许会发现他们中的很多人

wear trilbies.

戴着软毡帽。

Now, there was no tradition of wearing trilbies in Jamaica.

如今，牙买加人再也 没有戴软毡帽的传统了。

They invented that tradition for their arrival here.

他们是为了抵达这里才创立了这个传统。

They wanted to project themselves in a way

他们试图把自己包装成

that they wanted to be perceived,

他们想要别人见到的那一面。

so that the way they looked

所以，他们的样子

and the names that they gave themselves

以及他们给自己取的名字

defined them.

定义了他们。

So Bageye is bald and has baggy eyes.

因此，“泡泡眼”是一个有大眼袋的光头。

Tidy Boots is very fussy about his footwear.

“整洁靴子”对他的鞋子十分讲究。

Anxious is always anxious.

“焦虑”总是表现出很焦虑。

Clock has one arm longer than the other.

"钟表“的胳膊一只长一只短。

(Laughter)

（笑声...)

And my all-time favorite was the guy they called Summerwear.

长期以来我最喜欢的一位是 被叫做”夏日装着“的人。

When Summerwear came to this country

在60年代早期当”夏日装着“从牙买加

from Jamaica in the early '60s, he insisted

来到这个国家时，

on wearing light summer suits,

无论天气如何，

no matter the weather,

他都坚持穿轻便的夏日装着。

and in the course of researching their lives,

在我研究父辈们生活的过程时，

I asked my mom, "Whatever became of Summerwear?"

我问我的母亲：”夏日装着“后来发生了什么？

And she said, "He caught a cold and died." (Laughter)

她回答说：他得感冒去世了。（笑声...）

But men like Summerwear

但是，像”夏日装着“这样的人

taught us the importance of style.

教会了我们个人风格的重要性。

Maybe they exaggerated their style

也许他们过度夸大了自身的风格，

because they thought that they were not considered

因为他们觉得自己是被人们

to be quite civilized,

看作是不文明的，

and they transferred that generational attitude

并且，他们还把他们那一代人的态度

or anxiety onto us, the next generation,

或焦虑传到了下一代——我们的身上。

so much so that when I was growing up,

以致于当我渐渐长大时，

if ever on the television news or radio

只要在电视新闻或者收音机上

a report came up about a black person

出现关于一个黑人犯罪

committing some crime —

的报道，

a mugging, a murder, a burglary —

比如行凶抢劫，谋杀，盗窃等，

we winced along with our parents,

我们和父母都会一同避开，

because they were letting the side down.

因为这些报道会让我们失落。

You did not just represent yourself.

你不仅仅代表着你自己

You represented the group,

而代表着整个群体。

and it was a terrifying thing to come to terms with,

这是需要忍受的一件很可怕的事，

in a way, that maybe you were going

在某种程度上，人们很可能

to be perceived in the same light.

会以同样的目光看待你。

So that was what needed to be challenged.

所以这就是需要被挑战的。

Our father and many of his colleagues

我们的父亲和他的许多同事

exhibited a kind of transmission but not receiving.

展现出了一种传播而不是接收。

They were built to transmit but not receive.

他们生来就是为了传播而不是接收的。

We were to keep quiet.

我们被要求保持安静。

When our father did speak to us,

当父亲对我们说话时，

it was from the pulpit of his mind.

那是来自他思想的讲坛。

They clung to certainty in the belief

他们是如此依附于那些信仰的正确性，

that doubt would undermine them.

以致于任何怀疑都会诋毁他们。

But when I am working in my house

但是，当次我在家中工作和写作时，

and writing, after a day's writing, I rush downstairs

在完成了一天的写作后，我冲下楼梯

and I'm very excited to talk about Marcus Garvey or Bob Marley

我非常激动得想谈论 马克思·加维或巴布·马里，

and words are tripping out of my mouth like butterflies

言辞像蝴蝶似的从我嘴中飞出，

and I'm so excited that my children stop me,

我如此兴奋以致于我的孩子们打断了我，

and they say, "Dad, nobody cares."

他们说：爸爸，没人在乎这些。

(Laughter)

（笑声...)

But they do care, actually.

但是，事实上，他们是在乎的。

They cross over.

他们穿过你，

Somehow they find their way to you.

不知怎么，他们寻找到了通向你的道路。

They shape their lives according to the narrative of your life,

他们参照你生活的叙述来 塑造着他们自己的生活，

as I did with my father and my mother, perhaps,

也许，正如我和我的父母做的那样，

and maybe Bageye did with his father.

也许也像”泡泡眼“和他父亲那样。

And that was clearer to me

在我研究我父亲生活的过程中，

in the course of looking at his life

我对这一点的理解越来越清晰，

and understanding, as they say,

而且我明白了，正如他们说的那样，

the Native Americans say,

美国原住民所说的那样，

"Do not criticize the man until you can walk

”不要在你没有经历过他人所经历的事

in his moccasins."

之前就随意评论他。

But in conjuring his life, it was okay

但是，在他魔术般的人生中，

and very straightforward to portray

在描述19世纪70年代生活

a Caribbean life in England in the 1970s

于英国的加勒比人时，

with bowls of plastic fruit,

用桌上摆着的几碗塑料水果，

polystyrene ceiling tiles,

聚苯乙烯天花板，

settees permanently sheathed

以及永远罩着刚买来时的透明塑料罩的长沙发

in their transparent covers that they were delivered in.

来描述他们是即正确有直率的。

But what's more difficult to navigate

但是，两代之间的

is the emotional landscape

情感鸿沟则

between the generations,

是更难以跨越的，

and the old adage that with age comes wisdom

古话说道：智慧会随着年龄增长，

is not true.

这并不是真的。

With age comes the veneer of respectability

年龄会带来受人尊敬的表象，

and a veneer of uncomfortable truths.

和令人不适的真理的表象。

But what was true was that my parents,

但真相是，我的父母，

my mother, and my father went along with it,

我的母亲和父亲都同意的是，

did not trust the state to educate me.

他们并不信任所在州立学校对我进行的教育。

So listen to how I sound.

所以听听我说的话吧。

They determined that they would send me to a private school,

他们决定把我送去一所私立学校，

but my father worked at Vauxhall Motors.

但是我的父亲在沃克斯豪尔公司工作，

It's quite difficult to fund a private school education

这使得为私立学校付学费，同时

and feed his army of children.

并为他所有的孩子提供食物是十分困难的。

I remember going on to the school

我记得去那所学校参加入学测试时，

for the entrance exam, and my father said

我父亲对神父说

to the priest — it was a Catholic school —

那是一所天主教学校

he wanted a better "heducation" for the boy,

他希望这个孩子能得到更好的”角“育，

but also, he, my father,

但是，同样，他，我的父亲，

never even managed to pass worms,

从未打算要通过卫生检查，

never mind entrance exams.

更不在意入学考试了。

But in order to fund my education,

但是为了资助我的学费，

he was going to have to do some dodgy stuff,

他打算做些投机取巧的事，

so my father would fund my education

所以，我父亲打算通过在他的车后备箱

by trading in illicit goods from the back of his car,

贩卖非法货品来为我付学费，

and that was made even more tricky because

但更为棘手的是

my father, that's not his car by the way.

那辆车甚至并不是我父亲的。

My father aspired to have a car like that,

我父亲他一直期望有一辆那样的车，

but my father had a beaten-up Mini,

但他仅有的是一辆破旧的Mini,

and he never, being a Jamaican coming to this country,

作为一个牙买加移民，

he never had a driving license,

他从未获得驾照，

he never had any insurance or road tax or MOT.

也从未交过保险和道路税，也没参加驾照考试。

He thought, "I know how to drive;

他认为：“我知道如何开车，

why do I need the state's validation?"

为什么还需要州政府来验证？”

But it became a little tricky when we were stopped by the police,

但是，这就使得在警察让我们 停下来时比较棘手，

and we were stopped a lot by the police,

而警察又常常让我停下来，

and I was impressed by the way

我对我父亲与警察交涉的方式

that my father dealt with the police.

印象深刻。

He would promote the policeman immediately,

他会立刻让警察升职，

so that P.C. Bloggs became Detective Inspector Bloggs

在谈话的过程中，警察布洛格斯

in the course of the conversation

变成了探长布洛格斯，

and wave us on merrily.

然后愉快的向我们挥手告别。

So my father was exhibiting what we in Jamaica

这就是我父亲在展示我们

called "playing fool to catch wise."

牙买加人称之为的“扮猪吃老虎”的智慧。

But it lent also an idea

但是，这也许以另一种想法也能解释，

that actually he was being diminished

就是实际上，他被警察贬低

or belittled by the policeman —

和轻视了，

as a 10-year-old boy, I saw that —

作为一个十岁的男孩，我看出了这点，

but also there was an ambivalence towards authority.

但是还是一种对当权者的一种矛盾心理。

So on the one hand, there was

所以，一方面

a mocking of authority,

是对当权的嘲讽，

but on the other hand, there was a deference

但是，另一方面，

towards authority,

是对当权者的敬重，

and these Caribbean people

且这些加勒比人，

had an overbearing obedience towards authority,

以一种非常显著且奇怪的方式

which is very striking, very strange in a way,

对当权者者极其服从，

because migrants are very courageous people.

因为移民者都是十分有勇气的人。

They leave their homes. My father and my mother

他们远走他乡。

left Jamaica and they traveled 4,000 miles,

我的父母离开牙买加，然后旅行了四千英里，

and yet they were infantilized by travel.

即便如此，他们仍不擅长旅行。

They were timid,

他们非常胆小，

and somewhere along the line,

而不知在前行道路上的何处，

the natural order was reversed.

自然的秩序被颠倒了，

The children became the parents to the parent.

孩子们反而成为了父母们的父母。

The Caribbean people came to this country with a five-year plan:

加勒比人是带着他们的五年 计划来到这个国家的：

they would work, some money, and then go back,

即他们工作，赚钱，然后回加勒比，

but the five years became 10, the 10 became 15,

但是“五年”变成了十年， 接着十年变成了十五年，

and before you know it, you're changing the wallpaper,

接下来，在你还未意识到时， 你正在换家中的墙纸，

and at that point, you know you're here to stay.

也就是在这时，你才知道自己要留在这里了。

Although there's still the kind of temporariness

尽管，我父母依旧觉得留在这里

that our parents felt about being here,

是一种暂时性的事，

but we children knew that the game was up.

但是我们这些孩子都知道游戏已经结束了。

I think there was a feeling that

我认为，这是一种觉得

they would not be able to continue with the ideals

他们没有能力继续他们所期盼的

of the life that they expected.

理想生活的感觉。

The reality was very much different.

而现实是与之如此不同。

And also, that was true of the reality

此外，我父亲试图教育我

of trying to educate me.

这一现实也是真的。

Having started the process, my father did not continue.

是他开始教育我的， 但他并没有坚持下来。

It was left to my mother to educate me,

而是留给我母亲来继续教育我，

and as George Lamming would say,

正如乔治·雷明说的那样，

it was my mother who fathered me.

是我的母亲扮演了我父亲的角色。

Even in his absence, that old mantra remained:

即便他缺席了，他古老的”咒语“依旧存在：

You are being watched.

你正在被监视着。

But such ardent watchfulness can lead to anxiety,

但是如此炽热的注视会导致焦虑，

so much so that years later, when I was investigating

这就使得许多年后，当我在研究

why so many young black men

为何如此多的黑人青年

were diagnosed with schizophrenia,

被诊断为精神分裂症，

six times more than they ought to be,

该疾病在他们身上的发病率是他们原本发病率的六倍，

I was not surprised to hear the psychiatrist say,

而且在我听到心理医生说：”黑人们

"Black people are schooled in paranoia."

在恐吓中被教育“时我并不感到吃惊。

And I wonder what Bageye would make of that.

我很好奇”泡泡眼“对此有何想法。

Now I also had a 10-year-old son,

现在，我自己也有了一个十岁的儿子，

and turned my attention to Bageye

我便开始把注意力转向”泡泡眼“

and I went in search of him.

我开始寻找他。

He was back in Luton, he was now 82,

他回到了卢顿，他当时已经82岁了，

and I hadn't seen him for 30-odd years,

而我已经有三十几年没见过他了，

and when he opened the door,

当他来开门时，

I saw this tiny little man with lambent, smiling eyes,

我看见这个瘦小的男人眼中带着隐约的笑意，

and he was smiling, and I'd never seen him smile.

他在冲我微笑，而我之前从未见他笑过。

I was very disconcerted by that.

这使我感到非常惊惶。

But we sat down, and he had a Caribbean friend with him,

但是，我们坐下后，而且他有 位加勒比朋友正与他一起，

talking some old time talk,

我父亲正与他聊一陈年往事，

and my father would look at me,

我父亲看向我，

and he looked at me as if I would

他看向我的样子

miraculously disappear as I had arisen.

好像我会像我突然出现那样乍然的消失。

And he turned to his friend, and he said,

接着，他转向他的朋友，说到：

"This boy and me have a deep, deep connection,

“这个男孩和我有着很深的联系，

deep, deep connection."

很深，很深的联系。”

But I never felt that connection.

但是我从没感觉到这种联系。

If there was a pulse, it was very weak

如果我们之间有某种脉动，那也非常弱

or hardly at all.

或者基本没有。

And I almost felt in the course of that reunion

我几乎快要觉得，在重聚的过程中，

that I was auditioning to be my father's son.

我是在为担当我父亲的儿子试镜。

When the book came out,

当书出版时，

it had fair reviews in the national papers,

它在国家报纸上有着不错的评论，

but the paper of choice in Luton is not The Guardian,

但是在卢顿，人们选择的包装并不是卫报，

it's the Luton News,

而是卢顿新闻，

and the Luton News ran the headline about the book,

卢顿新闻将这本书作为了头条，

"The Book That May Heal a 32-Year-Old Rift."

标题写道：“一本能够愈合32年的裂痕的书”。

And I understood that could also represent

并且我理解这可能也代表了

the rift between one generation and the next,

两代之间的裂痕，

between people like me and my father's generation,

像是我和我父亲这一代人之间的这种裂痕，

but there's no tradition in Caribbean life

但是在加勒比人的生活中，

of memoirs or biographies.

并没有记录回忆或者写传记的传统。

It was a tradition that you didn't chat about your business in public.

那只有不在公共场合谈论私事的传统。

But I welcomed that title, and I thought actually, yes,

但是我很喜欢这个标题， 而且我认为正是如此，

there is a possibility that this

这也许提供了让我们进行一次

will open up conversations that we'd never had before.

从未有过的谈话的可能性。

This will close the generation gap, perhaps.

也许，这能使我们之间的代沟变小。

This could be an instrument of repair.

这也可能成为修复我们之间关系的工具。

And I even began to feel that this book

我甚至开始觉得我父亲

may be perceived by my father

会将这本书理解为

as an act of filial devotion.

是一种孝心的展现。

Poor, deluded fool.

这个傻子。

Bageye was stung by what he perceived to be

”泡泡眼“被激怒了，因为他认为

the public airing of his shortcomings.

这本书使公众知道了他的缺点。

He was stung by my betrayal,

他被我的背叛激怒了，

and he went to the newspapers the next day

第二天，他去了报纸发行处

and demanded a right of reply,

并且要求他们给他回应的权利，

and he got it with the headline

接着，他得到了次日的头条：

"Bageye Bites Back."

”泡泡眼的回击“。

And it was a coruscating account of my betrayal.

这是一个备受瞩目的对我的背叛做出的解释，

I was no son of his.

我不是他的儿子。

He recognized in his mind that his colors

他意识到他的颜面扫地，

had been dragged through the mud, and he couldn't allow that.

被污泥沾染，而他不能允许这样的事发生。

He had to restore his dignity, and he did so,

他必须要重建他的尊严，他也这么做了。

and initially, although I was disappointed,

虽然，一开始我对此很失望，

I grew to admire that stance.

但是我渐渐开始钦佩他的立场了。

There was still fire bubbling through his veins,

尽管他已经82岁了，

even though he was 82 years old.

但他的血管中仍有澎湃的火球。

And if it meant that we would now return

如果这意味着我们可能重新

to 30 years of silence,

回到那互不交谈的30年，

my father would say, "If it's so, then it's so."

我父亲可能会说：“如果是这样，那就只能如此了。”

Jamaicans will tell you that there's no such thing as facts,

牙买加可能会说没有诸如“事实”这样的事，

there are only versions.

只有不同的版本。

We all tell ourselves the versions of the story

人们总是讲述自己不同版本的故事，

that we can best live with.

他们所能承受的最佳版本。

Each generation builds up an edifice

每代人都建造了自己的知识结构，

which they are reluctant or sometimes unable

这使得他们不情愿或者有时不能

to disassemble,

拆解这些结构，

but in the writing, my version of the story

但是在我的写作中，我的故事版本

began to change,

开始改变了，

and it was detached from me.

它与我自身分离了，

I lost my hatred of my father.

我不再厌恶我父亲了。

I did no longer want him to die or to murder him,

我不再盼望着他去世或者想要谋杀他了，

and I felt free,

而且我感觉到了一种解脱，

much freer than I'd ever felt before.

我以前从未感觉到如此自由。

And I wonder whether that freedness

并且我很好奇这种自由是否

could be transferred to him.

能够传递给我的父亲。

In that initial reunion,

在最初的重聚中，

I was struck by an idea that I had

我突然想到，

very few photographs of myself

我小的时候

as a young child.

很少有自己的独照。

This is a photograph of me,

这是一张我的照片，

nine months old.

是九个月大时的我。

In the original photograph,

在原始的照片中，

I'm being held up by my father, Bageye,

我是被我父亲“泡泡眼”高高举起的，

but when my parents separated, my mother

但是在我父母分开后，我母亲

excised him from all aspects of our lives.

将他从我们生活中的各方面都剔除了。

She took a pair of scissors and cut him out of every photograph,

她拿剪刀把每张照片中的父亲都减掉了，

and for years, I told myself the truth of this photograph

许多年来，我告诉自己， 这些照片的真相是：

was that you are alone,

我是孤单一人的，

you are unsupported.

我是不被支持的。

But there's another way of looking at this photograph.

但是，还有另一种方式来看这些照片。

This is a photograph that has the potential

这是有着重聚潜质

for a reunion,

的照片，

a potential to be reunited with my father,

和我父亲重聚的潜质，

and in my yearning to be held up by my father,

在我希望被父亲高高举起的渴望中，

I held him up to the light.

我将他举向了聚光灯前。

In that first reunion,

第一次的重聚时，

it was very awkward and tense moments,

那是气氛既尴尬又紧张的时刻，

and to lessen the tension,

为了减缓紧张的氛围，

we decided to go for a walk.

我们决定去散散步。

And as we walked, I was struck

在我们散步的途中，

that I had reverted to being the child

我突然发现，我又变回了孩子，

even though I was now towering above my father.

尽管我比父亲高了很多。

I was almost a foot taller than my father.

我几乎比父亲高一尺，

He was still the big man,

但他仍旧是个大人，

and I tried to match his step.

而我试图跟上他的步伐。

And I realized that he was walking

接着我意识到，

as if he was still under observation,

他正在以仍被人注视着的方式走路，

but I admired his walk.

但我钦佩他的这种走路方式。

He walked like a man

他像世界杯决赛失败的人

on the losing side of the F.A. Cup Final

那样走着路，

mounting the steps to collect his condolence medal.

一步步登上阶梯领取他的安慰奖。

There was dignity in defeat.

在失败中流露出了尊严。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声...)