What kids can teach adults about asking for help | YeYoon Kim

Transcriber: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

Prevodilac: Amalia Divovic Lektor: Ivana Korom

Šta možemo naučiti od dece kako bismo bili bolji ljudi?

Oni su izuzetno odani svojim drugarima,

žustro se brane, s lakoćom izvinjavaju,

i brzo opraštaju.

What can we learn from children about being better humans?

Ali kao bivša vaspitačica,

mada zauvek vaspitačica u srcu,

They're fiercely loyal to their friends,

sa vama želim da podelim

fast to defend, quick to apologize

iznenađujuću lekciju koju sam naučila od njih kada sam bila zamoljena za pomoć.

and swift to forgive.

But as a past kindergarten teacher --

Volim ljudsko ponašanje -

always a kindergarten teacher at heart --

to kako reagujemo drugačije u različitim situacijama i sredinama,

I want to share with you

a surprising lesson I learned from them about being asked for help.

a ovi slatki petogodišnjaci, s njihovim neodoljivim obrazima,

savršenom visinom za pružanje toplih, jutarnjih zagrljaja

I love human behaviors --

how we act differently in different situations and environments --

i nadmetanjem ko će pre baciti pet,

bili su jako interesantni.

and these cute five-year-olds with their adorable cheeks

Moje prvo odeljenje zvalo se Mars.

and the perfect height to give warm, morning hugs to

Imalo je 10 đaka,

and almost a competitive love for high fives,

i sve su to bile karakterne ličnosti.

were so interesting.

Međutim, tu je bio jedan dečak koga neću zaboraviti.

My first class was called a Mars class.

Nazovimo ga Sem.

I had 10 students,

Sem se ponašao kao da je zaboravio da ima samo pet godina.

and each were so full of character.

But there was this one kid I'll never forget.

Bio je tako samostalan.

Ne samo da je znao kako da zaveže pertle,

Let's call him Sam.

nego je to znao da uradi i drugoj deci.

Sam behaved like he forgot he was only five.

Takođe, nikada nije odneo kući prljav termos,

He was so independent.

jer bi ga oprao odmah nakon ručka.

Not only did he know how to tie his own shoelaces,

but he knew how to tie other kids' shoelaces too.

I ukoliko bi se nešto desilo pa bi morao da se presvuče,

He also never took home a dirty thermos,

obavio bi to samostalno, tiho i neprimetno.

because he would clean it after his lunch.

Nije mnogo tražio pomoć,

And if something happened and he needed a change of clothes,

ali je bio onaj kod koga su drugi učenici dolazili po pomoć;

he would do so very quietly and discreetly by himself.

pomoć kao na primer:

da li može da dovrši njihov kimči, jer je previše začinjen.

He didn't ask for help much himself,

Nije voleo da iskazuje privrženost svojim učiteljima,

but he was the one that his classmates went to for help --

te se nametnuo kao “kul klinac.”

help on things like,

can he help them finish their kimchi? Because it's too spicy.

Ukoliko ga ujutru zagrlite,

prevrnuo bi očima,

He didn't like showing any type of affection to teachers

napravio smešnu facu da pokaže negodovanje,

ali bi isto tako stajao i čekao ukoliko nije dobio taj zagrljaj.

and came across as "the cool kid."

If you gave him a good-morning hug,

Bio je tako pametan i pouzdan

he would roll his eyes

and make a funny face as to show discontent,

da sam čak i ja zaboravila da ima samo pet godina.

Kao učitelj početnik,

but also stand there and wait if he didn't get his morning hug.

provela sam vreme posmatrajući

kakav su odnos imali iskusniji učitelji sa svojim učenicima.

He was so smart and reliable

that even I would forget that he was only five.

I primetila sam nešto veoma čudno.

As a novice teacher,

Često kada deca padnu,

I spent a lot of time observing

ne počinju da plaču odmah.

how more experienced teachers interacted with their students.

Ustali bi, bili malo zbunjeni,

And I noticed something very peculiar.

kao da bi pokušavali da se saberu, znate -

Oftentimes when kids fall,

“Šta se upravo desilo?”

“Da li je ovo stvar vredna plakanja?

they don't start crying immediately.

Da li me boli? Šta se dešava?”

They would stand up, puzzled,

Obično bi deca bila u redu sve dok im pogled ne stane na učitelju:

as if trying to make up their mind --

you know, "What just happened?"

"Is this a big enough deal for me to cry?

onom kome veruju i znaju da može da učini nešto za njih.

Does this hurt? What's going on?"

Pogledi se sretnu i onda, briznu u plač.

Usually kids will be OK until they lock eyes with an adult:

Kada sam ovo otkrila, toliko sam želela da se to i meni desi,

one that they trust and know can do something for them.

zato što, za mene, to je značilo da ste zaradili poverenje dece

Eyes lock, and then, they burst out in tears.

i dobili dokaz da ste sposobni da im pomognete u bilo čemu.

When I noticed this, I so wanted it to happen to me,

Za njih ste bili heroj.

because to me, that meant that you had earned a kid's trust

Nedelje su prolazile gledajući druge učitelje

and had proven that you're capable to help them with anything.

ka kojima deca trče u suzama,

ljubomorno sam ih gledala.

You were a hero to them.

O da, bila sam ljubomorna.

Mislim, naravno da nisam želela da deca padnu,

Weeks went by of me just watching other teachers

ali sam zaista želela taj momenat odobravanja,

have kids run to them in tears,

to da, da sam stekla dečije poverenje dovoljno da budem neko ko im može pomoći.

and I'd watch in jealousy.

Oh, was I jealous.

I mean, of course I didn't want the kids to fall,

A onda se konačno desilo.

but I really wanted that moment of validation

Bio je predivan dan.

Bilo je to u toku pauze na zatvorenom igralištu.

that yes, I had earned a kid's trust enough to be the one to help them.

Deca su se igrala,

a ja sam plastificirala neke stvari,

Then, it finally happened.

jer učitelji uvek nešto plastificiraju -

It was a beautiful day.

It was during recess at the indoor playground.

u našim prostorijama pored.

A onda sam čula dete kako uzvikuje: “Učiteljice, učiteljice, Sem je pao!”

The kids were playing

and I was getting some things laminated --

because teachers are forever laminating stuff --

Izašla sam da pogledam,

tražila sam Sema

in the teacher's room next door.

i bio je tamo, izgledao je veoma zbunjeno,

Then I heard a kid yell, "Teacher, teacher, Sam fell down."

kao da je pokušavao da sabira dvocifrene brojeve.

So I went out to peak,

A onda me je pogledao,

pogledi su se sreli,

looked around for Sam,

and there he was, looking very puzzled,

i onda se desilo.

Donja usna je počela da podrhtava

as if he was trying to add double digits.

i njegove okice su se punile suzama.

Then he looked at me,

Onda je briznuo u plač, trčeći ka meni,

our eyes locked,

and then it happened.

bilo je veličanstveno.

His lower lip started to tremble

Nikada neću zaboraviti taj trenutak.

and his tiny eyes started to fill with tears.

Dozvolio mi je da ga jako zagrlim, pomognem mu da se smiri,

Then he burst out in tears running towards me,

i ispostavilo se da se spotakao o sopstvene noge

and it was glorious.

tako da je mogao da prekori samo pod.

I'll never forget that moment.

He let me give him a big hug to help him calm down,

Proverili smo da li se povredio

i ispostavilo se da je prošao bez ijedne modrice.

and it turns out that yes, he did trip over his own two feet

U tom momentu, čudno,

so there was no one other than the floor to reprimand.

izgledalo je kao da nisam tu da bih pomogla Semu

We checked to make sure that he wasn't hurt

već kao da je on mene darovao

and he overcame that with not even a bruise.

mogućnošću da mu pomogem.

It was in that moment, oddly --

To je nešto jako čudno, mučim se i da se izrazim rečima.

it didn't feel like I was there to help Sam,

but rather he was giving me this gift,

Svojom ranjivošću

pri dolasku kod mene, kao da zaista mogu da učinim nešto,

this opportunity to help him.

And it's something very weird that I struggle putting down in words.

pomislićete da mi to daje moć,

ali u tom trenutku,

With his vulnerability

bilo je baš suprotno,

in coming to me for help as if I could do something about it,

moć se još više prenela na njega.

you would think that gives me the power,

Biti upitan za pomoć je privilegija:

but in that moment,

vaš dar da učinite nešto za nekoga,

no, it was quite the opposite,

and the power shifted even more so to him.

pogotovo ako to potiče iz njihove ranjivosti.

Being asked for help is a privilege:

Sa svim što sam naučila u vrtiću,

zapravo podučavajući u vrtiću,

a gift for you to do something for someone,

nastavila sam da osvajam druge stvari u životu.

especially when it's coming from their place of vulnerability.

Kroz devet godina

našla sam se u udruženju stručnjaka za upravljanje projektima

With everything I learned from kindergarten,

or in "teaching" kindergarten,

na poziciji gde intenzivno radim sa volonterima.

I went to conquer other things in life.

Rad sa njima je divno iskustvo,

Fast-forward nine years,

and I landed in an association for project management professionals

ali postoje stvari na koje je trebalo da budem upozorena,

in a role that works extensively with volunteers.

poput toga kako postaviti granice.

Vrlo je lako upasti u zamku

Working with volunteers is a wonderful experience,

“jer oni su ipak volonteri.”

but there are some things I wish had a been warned about,

Kasni večernji pozivi?

like how to set boundaries.

Da, jer oni su volonteri pa imaju celodnevni posao.

It's very easy to fall into the rabbit hole

Poslovna putovanja koja su, skoro isključivo, samo vikendom?

of "because they're volunteers."

Da, jer oni su volonteri pa imaju celodnevni posao.

Late night calls?

Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.

Ne bih da se hvalim, ali,

Business trips that are almost exclusively only on weekends?

bila sam prilično dobra u svom poslu.

Uspevala sam da napredujem u vezama koje sam gradila.

Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.

I najbolji način za procenu da li sam stekla nečije poverenje

Not to pat myself on the back,

but I got quite good at my job.

bili su zahtevi za moju pomoć.

I was thriving off of the relationships I was building.

To mi se sviđalo.

Pred kraj svake godine,

And the best way I knew how to judge whether I had earned someone's trust

kada bismo pričali o tome šta želimo da budemo u sledećoj,

was if they would come and ask me for help.

moje ključne reči su bile “pomoć” i “od pomoći.”

I loved it.

Problem je u tome što ja nisam bila samo od pomoći.

Every time we did year-end retreats

and we talked about what we wanted to be in the next year,

Vremenom, postavljala sam sebi toliko pritiska

da uvek budem nečim zauzeta

my keywords were always "help" or "helpful."

i uvek dobra u svom poslu.

The problem was that I wasn't being just helpful.

Uskoro je samopoštovanje postalo povezano sa mojim učinkom na poslu,

Over time, I put more and more pressure on myself

što je, u osnovi, recept za katastrofu.

to always be busy

and to always do a good job.

Ali ne brinite, imala sam najbolji borbeni mehanizam:

Soon my self-worth became associated with my performance at work,

poricanje,

skretanje misli na posao

which is basically a recipe for disaster.

i piće,

mnogo pića.

But don't worry, because I had the best coping mechanism,

Opterećena težnjom da budem nezavisna, pružam pomoć

which was denial,

i budem veliki Sem

zaboravila sam kako uopšte da zatražim potrebnu pomoć.

distraction with even more work

and drinking --

and lots of it.

Trebalo je samo da tražim,

I was so busy being helpful and independent

i ako sam zaista verovala da je zatražiti pomoć dar,

and being a great Sam

onda je to trebalo više da radim, zar ne?

that I forgot how to ask for help when I needed it.

Pa, ne radimo uvek ono što govorimo, ali, pre oko dve godine

All I had to do was ask,

and if I truly believed that asking for help was a gift,

ošamario me veliki, debeli podsetnik.

Da kažem da sam “izgorela” u tom momentu bilo bi potcenjeno,

then I should have been doing it more, right?

Well, we don't always practice what we preach,

ali zahvaljujući mom borbenom mehanizmu, piću

but about two years ago,

I was slapped with a big, fat reminder.

delovalo je kao da sam se baš dobro zabavljala.

To say that I was burned-out at the time was an understatement,

Međutim, jednog dana,

kao i Sem na igralištu,

but thanks to my coping mechanism, drinking,

spotakla sam se o sopstvene noge.

it looked like I was just having a great time.

Najpre pomračenje svesti,

a onda sam se probudila sa velikim rezom na stopalu od delića stakla,

But one day,

just like Sam in the playground,

očiju natečenih od plakanja

I tripped over my own two feet.

i glasa toliko promuklog, kao da sam naricala.

I blacked out

and woke up with a big cut on my foot from broken pieces of glass,

Ne sećam se tačno šta se zaista desilo,

eyes swollen from crying

ali se sećam da sam bila frustrirana, tužna i uplašena.

and a voice so hoarse that I'd most likely been wailing.

Znate me samo 10 minuta,

I don't have much recollection of what actually happened,

ali verovatno shvatate da ovo zaista ne liči na mene,

but I remember feeling frustrated, sad and afraid.

tako da, kada sam došla sebi i shvatila šta se desilo,

bila sam u šoku.

Now you've known me for only about 10 minutes,

Nije bilo drugog načina da se kaže, osim da mi je bila potrebna pomoć,

but you can probably tell that this was really not like me,

so when I came to my senses about what had happened,

kako neka vrsta terapijske pomoći,

tako i pomoć da izađem iz te situacije.

I was in shock.

There was no other way of saying it other than that I needed help,

Bio je to jedan od najgorih trenutaka u mom životu, i čak i tada

both in the sense of I needed some type of therapy help,

moj mozak je neslućenom brzinom prešao u režim rešavanja problema.

but also help in getting out of that situation.

Šta da radim sa ovim?

It was one of the lowest moments of my life,

Ako ne rešim ovo, onda sam još veće razočarenje.

and even in that moment,

my mind was running at hyperspeed into problem-solving mode.

Ako ne rešim ovo, onda sam još veći neuspeh.

What do I do with this?

Ovo su sve stvari koje su mi prolazile kroz glavu,

If I don't fix this, then I'm even more of a disappointment.

a nije mi ni palo na pamet da mogu da zatražim pomoć.

If I don't resolve this, then I'm even more of a failure.

Bila sam okružena s toliko ljudi koji su brinuli i želeli da mi pomognu,

Those are things that were running through my mind,

ali jednostavno nisam mogla da ih vidim.

and it didn't even occur to me that I could ask for help.

Dok napokon, moj dobar prijatelj nije morao doslovno da me drži

I was surrounded by so many people who cared for me and wanted to help,

i natera da tražim pomoć.

but I just couldn't see them.

“Možeš li ovo da uradiš?”

Until finally, my good friend had to literally hold me by my shoulders

“Ne.”

“Da li ti teba pomoć?”

“Da.”

and force me to ask for help.

“Mogu li da ti pomognem?”

“Da.”

"Can you do this?"

“Mogu li da dovedem one kojima je stalo i brinu za tebe da ti pomognu?”

"No."

"Do you need help?"

"Yes."

“Da.”

"Can I help you?"

To je bila moja, “odrasla” verzija gledanja s učiteljem.

"Yes."

"Can I get others that love and care for you to help you too?"

I baš tako,

čim sam rekla “Da, možeš da mi pomogneš,”

"Yes."

osetila sam trnce nade

i kako se neka vrsta kontrole vraća.

That was my grown-up version of locking eyes with my teacher.

I ako razmislite o tome,

And just like that,

nije li čudno to što celo detinjstvo provedemo

as soon as I said, "Yes, you may help me,"

tako dobri u potraživanju pomoći,

I felt a tingling of hope

i očekuje se da izrastemo u samostalne ljude

and some sort of control coming back.

And if you think about it,

i postajemo toliko dobri u tome

isn't it so weird we spend all of childhood

da nas moraju podsetiti da je u redu tražiti pomoć?

being so good at asking for help

and are expected to grow up to be these self-reliant human beings

Kasnije, taj trenutak mi je pomogao da razumem mnogo toga.

and we get so good at it

Volim da pomažem i jako sam srećna kada to činim.

that we have to be reminded that it's OK to ask for help?

Zašto drugi ne bi bili voljni da pomognu meni?

Later, that moment helped me realize so many things.

I još važnije,

zašto ja ne bih želela da i drugi osećaju radost

I'm always so happy to help others and I love it.

koja dolazi od pomaganja svakom Semu sveta?

Why wouldn't others be willing to help me?

Svi mi želimo da budemo najbolji Sem:

And more importantly,

da budemo jaki, nezavisni i puni samopouzdanja,

why wouldn't I want others to feel the happiness and joy

that comes from helping the Sams of the world?

ali to nije uvek neophodno.

Pa zato hajde da počnemo da tražimo pomoć češće,

We all want to be the best Sams in life:

jer pomaganje jednom Semu zaista je privilegija i dar.

to be strong, independent and self-reliant,

Hvala vam.

but we don't always have to be.

So let's start asking for help more often,

because helping Sams is a privilege and a gift.

Thank you.