What kids can teach adults about asking for help | YeYoon Kim

Transcriber: Leslie Gauthier Reviewer: Krystian Aparta

Translator: Faris Anwari Reviewer: Yolanda Raintina

What can we learn from children about being better humans?

Apa yang kita pelajari dari anak-anak agar menjadi manusia yang lebih baik?

They're fiercely loyal to their friends,

Mereka sangat setia kawan,

fast to defend, quick to apologize

cepat membela, mudah meminta maaf,

and swift to forgive.

dan mudah memaafkan.

But as a past kindergarten teacher --

Tapi sebagai mantan guru TK,

always a kindergarten teacher at heart --

dan senantiasa berjiwa guru TK,

I want to share with you

saya ingin membagikan

a surprising lesson I learned from them about being asked for help.

pelajaran yang saya dapat dari mereka ketika dimintai bantuan.

I love human behaviors --

Saya suka perilaku manusia,

how we act differently in different situations and environments --

tingkah kita di berbagai situasi dan lingkungan --

and these cute five-year-olds with their adorable cheeks

anak-anak berusia lima tahun dengan pipinya yang lucu

and the perfect height to give warm, morning hugs to

dan tinggi yang pas untuk pelukan hangat di pagi hari,

and almost a competitive love for high fives,

obsesinya dengan tos,

were so interesting.

sangatlah menarik.

My first class was called a Mars class.

Kelas pertama saya bernama kelas Mars.

I had 10 students,

Ada 10 murid,

and each were so full of character.

dan masing-masing penuh keunikan.

But there was this one kid I'll never forget.

Ada satu anak yang tidak akan pernah saya lupakan.

Let's call him Sam.

Sebut saja Sam.

Sam behaved like he forgot he was only five.

Sam berperilaku seakan-akan dia tidak berusia lima tahun.

He was so independent.

Dia sangat mandiri.

Not only did he know how to tie his own shoelaces,

Dia bisa mengikat tali sepatunya sendiri,

but he knew how to tie other kids' shoelaces too.

bahkan dia bisa mengikat tali sepatu anak-anak lain.

He also never took home a dirty thermos,

Dia selalu pulang dengan termos bersih,

because he would clean it after his lunch.

karena dia membersihkannya setelah makan siang.

And if something happened and he needed a change of clothes,

Jika sesuatu terjadi dan dia harus ganti baju,

he would do so very quietly and discreetly by himself.

dia akan menggantinya dengan tenang dan secara diam-diam.

He didn't ask for help much himself,

Dia jarang meminta bantuan,

but he was the one that his classmates went to for help --

tapi dia menjadi tumpuan bagi teman-temannya

help on things like,

seperti,

can he help them finish their kimchi? Because it's too spicy.

membantu mereka menghabiskan kimchi karena itu sangat pedas.

He didn't like showing any type of affection to teachers

Dia tidak mau menunjukkan kasih sayang kepada guru

and came across as "the cool kid."

dan dianggap sebagai "anak yang keren."

If you gave him a good-morning hug,

Jika Anda memberinya pelukan pagi,

he would roll his eyes

dia akan memutar matanya

and make a funny face as to show discontent,

dan membuat wajah lucu seakan tidak menyukainya,

but also stand there and wait if he didn't get his morning hug.

tetapi dia akan berdiri dan menunggu jika belum mendapat pelukan pagi.

He was so smart and reliable

Dia sangat cerdas dan dapat diandalkan

that even I would forget that he was only five.

hingga saya lupa bahwa dia berusia lima tahun.

As a novice teacher,

Sebagai guru pemula, saya sering mengamati

I spent a lot of time observing

how more experienced teachers interacted with their students.

cara guru berpengalaman saat berinteraksi dengan muridnya.

And I noticed something very peculiar.

Dan saya mendapati satu hal yang aneh.

Oftentimes when kids fall,

Sering kali ketika anak-anak jatuh,

they don't start crying immediately.

mereka tidak langsung menangis.

They would stand up, puzzled,

Mereka akan berdiri, kebingungan,

as if trying to make up their mind --

seakan memusatkan pikiran,

you know, "What just happened?"

seperti "Apa yang terjadi?"

"Is this a big enough deal for me to cry?

"Apakah saya perlu menangis?"

Does this hurt? What's going on?"

"Apakah ini sakit? Apa yang terjadi?"

Usually kids will be OK until they lock eyes with an adult:

Biasanya anak-anak akan baik-baik saja hingga mereka menatap orang dewasa,

one that they trust and know can do something for them.

orang yang mereka tahu dan percaya dapat membantunya.

Eyes lock, and then, they burst out in tears.

Saat bertatapan, tangis mereka mulai pecah.

When I noticed this, I so wanted it to happen to me,

Saat saya memperhatikan ini, saya ingin mengalaminya juga,

because to me, that meant that you had earned a kid's trust

karena bagi saya, itu artinya mereka mempercayai Anda

and had proven that you're capable to help them with anything.

dan membuktikan bahwa Anda dapat membantu mereka.

You were a hero to them.

Anda pahlawan bagi mereka.

Weeks went by of me just watching other teachers

Berminggu-minggu berlalu, dan saya melihat para guru

have kids run to them in tears,

saat menangani muridnya yang menangis,

and I'd watch in jealousy.

dan saya menatap dengan iri.

Oh, was I jealous.

Oh, betapa irinya saya.

I mean, of course I didn't want the kids to fall,

Saya tidak bermaksud agar anak-anak terjatuh,

but I really wanted that moment of validation

tetapi saya sangat menginginkan momen itu

that yes, I had earned a kid's trust enough to be the one to help them.

bahwa saya mendapatkan kepercayaan untuk membantu mereka.

Then, it finally happened.

Akhirnya hal itu terjadi.

It was a beautiful day.

Itu adalah hari yang indah.

It was during recess at the indoor playground.

Saat istirahat di taman bermain dalam ruang.

The kids were playing

Anak-anak sedang bermain

and I was getting some things laminated --

dan saya sedang melaminasi barang --

karena guru-guru selalu melaminasi --

because teachers are forever laminating stuff --

in the teacher's room next door.

di ruang guru di sebelah ruang mereka.

Then I heard a kid yell, "Teacher, teacher, Sam fell down."

Lalu saya mendengar, "Bu Guru! Bu Guru! Sam terjatuh."

So I went out to peak,

Lalu saya pergi ke puncak mencari Sam,

looked around for Sam,

and there he was, looking very puzzled,

dan di sanalah dia, terlihat bingung,

as if he was trying to add double digits.

seakan menghitung penjumlahan puluhan.

Then he looked at me,

Lalu dia menatap saya,

our eyes locked,

kami saling menatap,

and then it happened.

dan hal itu terjadi.

His lower lip started to tremble

Bibir bawahnya mulai bergetar

and his tiny eyes started to fill with tears.

dan mata mungilnya berkaca-kaca.

Then he burst out in tears running towards me,

Tangisnya pecah dan dia berlari ke arah saya,

and it was glorious.

dan itu luar biasa.

I'll never forget that moment.

Saya tidak akan melupakan momen itu.

He let me give him a big hug to help him calm down,

Dia membiarkan saya memeluknya erat agar dia tenang,

and it turns out that yes, he did trip over his own two feet

dan ternyata ya, dia tersandung,

so there was no one other than the floor to reprimand.

sehingga tidak ada siapapun yang menegur, kecuali lantai.

We checked to make sure that he wasn't hurt

Kami memastikan dia tidak terluka

dan dia mengatasinya tanpa memar.

and he overcame that with not even a bruise.

It was in that moment, oddly --

Saat itu, anehnya --

it didn't feel like I was there to help Sam,

rasanya seperti bukan saya yang menolong Sam,

but rather he was giving me this gift,

tapi dia yang memberi saya hadiah dengan berkesempatan membantunya.

this opportunity to help him.

And it's something very weird that I struggle putting down in words.

Ini hal yang begitu aneh yang susah diungkapkan kata-kata.

With his vulnerability

Karena kerapuhannya, dia mendatangi saya untuk meminta bantuan

in coming to me for help as if I could do something about it,

seakan saya bisa membantunya.

you would think that gives me the power,

Anda pikir itu memberi saya kekuatan,

but in that moment,

tapi ketika itu,

no, it was quite the opposite,

justru sebaliknya,

and the power shifted even more so to him.

kekuatan itu bahkan beralih kepadanya.

Being asked for help is a privilege:

Diminta bantuan adalah sebuah kehormatan,

a gift for you to do something for someone,

hadiah bagi Anda untuk membantu seseorang,

especially when it's coming from their place of vulnerability.

khususnya ketika mereka rapuh.

With everything I learned from kindergarten,

Dengan semua yang saya pelajari dari TK,

or in "teaching" kindergarten,

atau "mengajar" di TK,

I went to conquer other things in life.

saya menaklukkan hal lain dalam hidup.

Fast-forward nine years,

Sembilan tahun berlalu,

and I landed in an association for project management professionals

dan saya bekerja di asosiasi untuk para profesional manajemen proyek

in a role that works extensively with volunteers.

yang berurusan dengan sukarelawan.

Working with volunteers is a wonderful experience,

Bekerja dengan sukarelawan adalah pengalaman yang hebat,

but there are some things I wish had a been warned about,

tapi ada hal-hal yang saya harap perlu diperingatkan,

like how to set boundaries.

seperti cara menetapkan batasan.

It's very easy to fall into the rabbit hole

Mudah sekali terjebak alasan,

of "because they're volunteers."

"karena mereka sukarelawan."

Late night calls?

Panggilan tengah malam?

Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.

Ya, karena mereka sukarelawan dan bekerja di siang hari.

Business trips that are almost exclusively only on weekends?

Perjalanan bisnis yang hampir pasti di akhir pekan?

Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.

Ya, karena mereka sukarelawan dan bekerja harian.

Not to pat myself on the back,

Bukannya memuji diri sendiri,

but I got quite good at my job.

tapi saya cukup handal dalam pekerjaan.

I was thriving off of the relationships I was building.

Saya berkembang dari hubungan yang saya bangun.

And the best way I knew how to judge whether I had earned someone's trust

Cara terbaik untuk mengetahui apakah saya dipercaya oleh orang lain

was if they would come and ask me for help.

adalah jika mereka datang dan meminta bantuan saya.

I loved it.

Saya menyukainya.

Every time we did year-end retreats

Setiap kali kami libur akhir tahun

and we talked about what we wanted to be in the next year,

dan membicarakan harapan kami di tahun depan,

my keywords were always "help" or "helpful."

saya selalu mengatakan "bantuan" atau "membantu."

The problem was that I wasn't being just helpful.

Masalahnya, saya tidak hanya senang membantu.

Over time, I put more and more pressure on myself

Seiring waktu, saya menekan diri agar selalu sibuk dan bekerja dengan baik.

to always be busy

and to always do a good job.

Soon my self-worth became associated with my performance at work,

Lambat laun, harga diri saya dikaitkan dengan kinerja saya,

which is basically a recipe for disaster.

dan itu adalah permulaan bencana.

But don't worry, because I had the best coping mechanism,

Tapi jangan khawatir, karena saya tahu cara menanganinya,

which was denial,

yakni menyangkalnya dengan melakukan kegiatan lain dan minum --

distraction with even more work

and drinking --

and lots of it.

dan hal lainnya.

I was so busy being helpful and independent

Saya begitu sibuk membantu, mandiri,

and being a great Sam

dan menjadi Sam yang hebat

that I forgot how to ask for help when I needed it.

hingga saya lupa caranya untuk meminta bantuan.

All I had to do was ask,

Hal yang saya lakukan hanyalah meminta,

and if I truly believed that asking for help was a gift,

dan jika saya yakin bahwa diminta bantuan adalah hadiah,

maka seharusnya saya lebih sering melakukannya, 'kan?

then I should have been doing it more, right?

Well, we don't always practice what we preach,

Yah, kita tidak selalu menerapkan ucapan kita,

but about two years ago,

tapi dua tahun yang lalu saya diberi peringatan keras.

I was slapped with a big, fat reminder.

To say that I was burned-out at the time was an understatement,

Saat itu saya sangat kelelahan,

but thanks to my coping mechanism, drinking,

tapi dengan penanganan saya, yaitu minum

it looked like I was just having a great time.

kelihatannya saya menyenanginya.

But one day,

Tapi suatu hari,

just like Sam in the playground,

seperti Sam di taman bermain,

I tripped over my own two feet.

saya tersandung.

I blacked out

Saya pingsan

and woke up with a big cut on my foot from broken pieces of glass,

dan bangun dengan luka besar di kaki akibat pecahan kaca,

eyes swollen from crying

mata bengkak karena menangis,

and a voice so hoarse that I'd most likely been wailing.

dan suara yang begitu serak karena menangis dengan keras.

I don't have much recollection of what actually happened,

Saya tidak begitu ingat apa yang terjadi,

but I remember feeling frustrated, sad and afraid.

tapi saya ingat merasa kesal, sedih, dan takut.

Now you've known me for only about 10 minutes,

Anda baru mengenal saya sekitar 10 menit,

but you can probably tell that this was really not like me,

tapi mungkin Anda sadar bahwa ini bukanlah saya.

so when I came to my senses about what had happened,

Jadi ketika saya menyadari apa yang terjadi,

I was in shock.

saya terkejut.

There was no other way of saying it other than that I needed help,

Ternyata saya membutuhkan bantuan,

both in the sense of I needed some type of therapy help,

saya membutuhkan beberapa jenis terapi,

but also help in getting out of that situation.

dan juga bantuan untuk keluar dari situasi itu.

It was one of the lowest moments of my life,

Itu adalah salah satu momen terburuk saya,

and even in that moment,

dan bahkan pada saat itu,

my mind was running at hyperspeed into problem-solving mode.

pikiran saya bekerja keras ke mode pemecahan masalah.

What do I do with this?

Apa yang harus saya lakukan?

If I don't fix this, then I'm even more of a disappointment.

Jika saya tidak memperbaikinya, saya akan merasa semakin kecewa.

If I don't resolve this, then I'm even more of a failure.

Jika saya tidak menyelesaikannya, saya merasa semakin gagal.

Those are things that were running through my mind,

Hal-hal itu terlintas di pikiran saya,

and it didn't even occur to me that I could ask for help.

dan tidak terpikirkan oleh saya untuk meminta bantuan.

I was surrounded by so many people who cared for me and wanted to help,

Saya dikelilingi oleh banyak orang yang peduli dan bisa membantu saya,

but I just couldn't see them.

tetapi saya tidak bisa melihat mereka.

Until finally, my good friend had to literally hold me by my shoulders

Hingga akhirnya, sahabat saya harus memegang bahu saya

and force me to ask for help.

dan memaksa saya untuk meminta bantuan.

"Apakah kamu bisa melakukan ini?"

"Can you do this?"

"No."

"Tidak."

"Do you need help?"

"Apakah kamu perlu bantuan?"

"Yes."

"Ya."

"Can I help you?"

"Bisakah saya membantumu?"

"Yes."

"Ya."

"Can I get others that love and care for you to help you too?"

"Bisakah saya panggil orang yang mempedulikanmu agar menolongmu juga?"

"Yes."

"Ya."

That was my grown-up version of locking eyes with my teacher.

Itu versi dewasa dari bertatapan dengan guru.

And just like that,

Dan hanya seperti itu,

as soon as I said, "Yes, you may help me,"

begitu saya berkata, "Ya, kamu bisa menolong saya,"

I felt a tingling of hope

saya merasakan adanya harapan dan dapat sedikit mengendalikan diri.

and some sort of control coming back.

And if you think about it,

Dan jika Anda berpikir,

isn't it so weird we spend all of childhood

bukankah aneh jika kita menghabiskan masa kecil

being so good at asking for help

dengan pintar meminta bantuan

and are expected to grow up to be these self-reliant human beings

dan tumbuh menjadi manusia yang mandiri

and we get so good at it

dan kita menjadi sangat mahir

that we have to be reminded that it's OK to ask for help?

sehingga kita harus diingatkan bahwa tidak apa-apa meminta bantuan?

Later, that moment helped me realize so many things.

Momen itu membantu saya menyadari banyak hal.

I'm always so happy to help others and I love it.

Saya selalu senang membantu orang lain.

Why wouldn't others be willing to help me?

Mengapa orang lain tidak mau membantu saya?

And more importantly,

Dan yang lebih penting,

why wouldn't I want others to feel the happiness and joy

mengapa saya tidak ingin orang lain merasakan kebahagiaan

that comes from helping the Sams of the world?

saat membantu Sam lain di dunia?

We all want to be the best Sams in life:

Kita ingin menjadi Sam terbaik dalam hidup

to be strong, independent and self-reliant,

menjadi kuat, mandiri, dan tak perlu bantuan,

but we don't always have to be.

tetapi kita tidak bisa begitu terus.

So let's start asking for help more often,

Mari kita mulai lebih sering meminta bantuan,

because helping Sams is a privilege and a gift.

karena menolong Sam lainnya adalah kehormatan dan hadiah.

Thank you.

Terima kasih.