What I learned serving time for a crime I didn't commit | Teresa Njoroge

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Chengrui Wang

When I heard those bars

當我聽到牢門

slam hard,

重重地關上，

I knew it was for real.

我知道這是真的發生了。

I feel confused.

我覺得很困惑。

I feel betrayed.

我覺得被背叛了。

I feel overwhelmed.

我覺得無法招架。

I feel silenced.

我覺得被奪去了聲音。

What just happened?

剛發生了什麼事？

How could they send me here?

他們怎麼能把我送到這裡？

I don't belong here.

我不屬於這裡。

How could they make such a huge mistake

他們怎麼可以犯這麼大的錯誤

without any repercussions whatsoever to their actions?

不計後果的做出這些行為？

I see large groups of women

我看到一大群女人，

in tattered uniforms

穿著破爛的制服，

surrounded by huge walls and gates,

周圍都是高牆和大門，

enclosed by iron barbed wires,

被鐵絲籬網包圍著，

and I get hit by an awful stench,

我聞到一陣惡臭，

and I ask myself,

我問我自己，

how did I move

我是怎麼從在

from working in the respected financial banking sector,

原本被人景仰的金融銀行部門工作，

having worked so hard in school,

並且在學校非常努力的過去，

to now being locked up

淪落到被關在

in the largest correctional facility

肯亞最大的女子監獄？

for women in Kenya?

My first night

我在蘭加塔女子最高安全級別 監獄的第一個晚上，

at Langata Women Maximum Security Prison

was the toughest.

是最難熬的。

In January of 2009,

2009 年 1 月，

I was informed that I had handled a fraudulent transaction unknowingly

我被通知我在我工作的銀行裡，

at the bank where I worked.

無心地經手了一項詐欺交易。

I was shocked, scared and terrified.

我很震驚、害怕、恐懼，

I would lose a career that I loved passionately.

我會失去我非常熱愛的職業。

But that was not the worst.

但那不是最糟的。

It got even worse than I could have ever imagined.

情況糟到我完全無法想像。

I got arrested,

我被逮捕，

maliciously charged

被惡意指控，

and prosecuted.

被起訴。

The absurdity of it all was the arresting officer

最荒謬的是，逮捕我的警官

asking me to pay him 10,000 US dollars

要我付他 $10,000 美金，

and the case would disappear.

這樣案子就會消失。

I refused.

我拒絕了。

Two and a half years on,

之後兩年半，

in and out of courts,

我不斷進出法庭，

fighting to prove my innocence.

拼命證明我的無辜。

It was all over the media,

媒體都在報導，

in the newspapers, TV, radio.

包括報紙、電視、廣播。

They came to me again.

他們又來找我。

This time around, said to me,

這次，他們對我說：

"If you give us 50,000 US dollars,

「如果你給我們 $50,000 美金，

the judgement will be in your favor,"

判決就會站在你這邊。」

irrespective of the fact that there was no evidence whatsoever

即使沒有任何證據顯示 在我被指控的這件事中

that I had any wrongdoing

我有做錯任何事，

on the charges that I was up against.

他們還是這樣索求。

I remember the events

我清楚記得

of my conviction

我六年前

six years ago

被定罪的那個時刻，

as if it were yesterday.

彷彿昨天才發生。

The cold, hard face of the judge

法官帶著冷漠無情的面孔

as she pronounced my sentence

宣布我的判刑，

on a cold Thursday morning

在那個寒冷的星期二早上，

for a crime that I hadn't committed.

我因為我沒犯的罪而被判刑。

I remember holding

我記得我抱著

my three-month-old beautiful daughter

三個月大的美麗女兒，

whom I had just named Oma,

我剛幫她取名為歐瑪，

which in my dialect means "truth and justice,"

在我的方言中，歐瑪意謂著 「真相和正義」，

as that was what I had longed so much for

因為我在這段時間當中， 極度渴求的就是真相和正義。

all this time.

I dressed her in her favorite purple dress,

我幫她穿上她最喜歡的紫色衣服，

and here she was, about to accompany me

她就在這裡，準備要陪伴我

to serve this one-year sentence

去服一年的刑，去坐牢。

behind bars.

The guards did not seem sensitive to the trauma

警衛似乎對這次經驗給我帶來的傷害

that this experience was causing me.

沒有任何敏感度。

My dignity and humanity disappeared

在入獄的過程中， 我的人性尊嚴消失殆盡。

with the admission process.

It involved me being searched for contrabands,

過程中我被搜身找有沒有違禁品，

changed from my ordinary clothes

我平時的服裝被換成了

to the prison uniform,

監獄制服，

forced to squat on the ground,

被迫蹲在地上，

a posture that I soon came to learn

我很快就學到，這個姿勢

would form the routine

會是例行的動作，

of the thousands of searches,

將來我要面對的，

number counts,

還有數千次的搜身，

that lay ahead of me.

以及報數。

The women told me,

那裡的女人告訴我：

"You'll adjust to this place.

「你會適應這個地方。

You'll fit right in."

你會融入的。」

I was no longer referred to as Teresa Njoroge.

我不再被稱為泰瑞莎喬洛格。

The number 415/11 was my new identity,

我的新身份是 415/11 號，

and I soon learned that was the case with the other women

我很快就了解，

在這個地方的其他女子也都一樣。

who we were sharing this space with.

And adjust I did to life on the inside:

我適應了監獄裡的生活：

the prison food,

監獄食物、

the prison language,

監獄語言、

the prison life.

監獄人生。

Prison is certainly no fairytale world.

監獄肯定不是童話世界。

What I didn't see come my way

我沒料到會遇上的，

was the women and children

是女人和孩子，

whom we served time and shared space with,

我們一起服刑、共用空間，

women who had been imprisoned

女人被囚禁，

for crimes of the system,

是因為體制的犯罪，

the corruption that requires a fall guy,

腐敗貪汙需要有替死鬼，

a scapegoat,

代罪羔羊，

so that the person who is responsible

這麼一來，該負責的人

could go free,

才能逍遙法外，

a broken system that routinely vilifies the vulnerable,

有問題的體制去誹謗脆弱的人， 是司空見慣的事，

the poorest amongst us,

受害的是最貧窮的人，

people who cannot afford to pay bail

他們無法負擔保釋費用

or bribes.

或賄賂。

And so we moved on.

所以我們繼續走下去。

As I listened to story after story

我傾聽了近七百位女子

of these close to 700 women

一個又一個的故事，

during that one year in prison,

在監獄的一年中，

I soon realized that crime

我很快就了解到，

was not what had brought these women to prison,

這些女人不是因為犯罪而入獄，

most of them,

大部份女人不是，

far from it.

且差得很遠。

It had started with the education system,

打從教育體制開始就有問題，

whose supply and quality is not equal for all;

其供給和品質並非人人平等的；

lack of economic opportunities

缺乏經濟機會，

that pushes these women to petty survival crimes;

逼著這些女子為了生存 去做小規模的犯罪；

the health system,

健康體制、

social justice system,

社會正義體制、

the criminal justice system.

刑事司法體制，

If any of these women,

如果這些大多

who were mostly from poor backgrounds,

來自貧窮背景的女子，

fall through the cracks

掉進已經出問題的體制細縫中，

in the already broken system,

the bottom of that chasm is a prison,

那等在下面的，就是入獄，

period.

就這樣。

By the time I completed my one-year sentence

我在蘭加塔女子最高安全級別監獄

at Langata Women Maximum Prison,

服完了一年的刑之後，

I had a burning conviction

我有著非常強烈的信念，

to be part of the transformation

要成為轉變的一部份，

to resolve the injustices

去消除那些我目擊的不公平，

that I had witnessed

of women and girls

有女人、有女孩，

who were caught up in a revolving door

她們被捲入了循環，

of a life in and out of prison

一生都在進出監獄，

due to poverty.

只因為貧窮。

After my release,

我被釋放後，

I set up Clean Start.

我成立了「Clean Start」 （清白的開始）。

Clean Start is a social enterprise

「Clean Start」是一間社會企業，

that seeks to give these women and girls

旨在給這些女子和女孩

a second chance.

第二次機會。

What we do is we build bridges for them.

我們所做的，是為她們搭起橋樑。

We go into the prisons, train them,

我們到監獄去訓練她們，

give them skills, tools and support

給她們技能、工具、和支持，

to enable them to be able to change their mindsets,

讓她們能夠改變她們的心態、

their behaviors and their attitudes.

她們的行為、她們的態度。

We also build bridges into the prisons

我們也從企業部門

from the corporate sector --

搭起進入監獄的橋樑，

individuals, organizations

和願與「Clean Start」 合作的個人、組織結合，

that will partner with Clean Start

to enable us to provide employment,

讓我們能提供工作機會、

places to call home,

可稱為家的地方、

jobs, vocational training,

工作、職業訓練，

for these women, girls,

給這些女人和女孩，

boys and men,

男孩和男人，

upon transition back into society.

在轉換回到社會時協助他們。

I never thought

我從來沒有想過，

that one day

會有一天，

I would be giving stories

我會在訴說故事，

of the injustices that are so common

揭露刑事司法體制中非常

within the criminal justice system,

常見的不公平，

but here I am.

但我就在這裡了。

Every time I go back to prison,

每次我回到監獄，

I feel a little at home,

我有點回到家的感覺，

but it is the daunting work

但，是為了達成 這個願景的艱鉅工作，

to achieve the vision

that keeps me awake at night,

讓我在夜間無法入眠，

connecting the miles to Louisiana,

連結通往路易斯安那的路程，

which is deemed as the incarceration capital of the world,

路易斯安那被視為是 世界的監禁首都，

carrying with me stories

我會帶著這些故事，

of hundreds of women

它們來自我在監獄

whom I have met within the prisons,

遇見的數百位女子，

some of whom are now embracing their second chances,

其中有些人現在已在 擁抱她們的第二次機會，

and others who are still on that bridge of life's journey.

其他人則仍然在 那人生旅程的橋樑上。

I embody a line

我在實踐一句話，

from the great Maya Angelou.

這句話來自偉大的馬婭安傑盧。

"I come as one,

「我一個人來，

but I stand as 10,000."

但我有一萬人的力量。」

(Applause)

（掌聲）

For my story is singular,

因為我的故事是單數，

but imagine with me

但和我一起想像，

the millions of people

有數百萬人

in prisons today,

現在在監獄中，

yearning for freedom.

渴求自由。

Three years post my conviction

我被定罪的三年後，

and two years post my release,

我被釋放的兩年後，

I got cleared by the courts of appeal

上訴法庭還了我清白，

of any wrongdoing.

我沒做錯事。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Around the same time,

大約同時，

I got blessed with my son,

我有了個兒子，

whom I named Uhuru,

我把他取名為烏乎魯，

which in my dialect means "freedom."

在我的方言中，意思是「自由」。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Because I had finally gotten the freedom

因為我終於得到了我如此

that I so longed for.

渴望的自由。

I come as one,

我一個人來，

but I stand as 10,000,

但我有一萬人的力量，

encouraged by the hard-edged hope

被鋒芒畢露的希望給鼓舞，

that thousands of us have come together

我們數以千計的人集合在一起，

to reform and transform the criminal justice system,

要來改革和轉變這個刑事司法體制，

encouraged that we are doing our jobs

被鼓舞要用我們必須的方式

as we are meant to do them.

來做我們的工作。

And let us keep doing them

讓我們繼續做下去，

with no apology.

沒有辯解。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）