Katlego Kolanyane-Kesupile: How I'm bringing queer pride to my rural village | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

"You don't belong here"

「你不屬於這裡」幾乎總是意味著

almost always means, "We can't find a function or a role for you."

「我們找不到適合你的職務或角色。」

"You don't belong here" sometimes means, "You're too queer to handle."

「你不屬於這裡」有時也意味著 「你太酷兒了，我們無法接受。」

"You don't belong here"

「你不屬於這裡」

very rarely means,

很少意味著

"There's no way for you to exist and be happy here."

「你在這裡無法生存，找不到快樂。」

I went to university in Johannesburg, South Africa,

我在南非的约翰尼斯堡讀大學，

and I remember the first time a white friend of mine

我還記得一位白人朋友

heard me speaking Setswana, the national language of Botswana.

第一次聽我説波札納的國語，札納語。

I was on the phone with my mother

當時我正在和我媽講電話，

and the intrigue which painted itself across her face was absolutely priceless.

她滿臉好奇的樣子實在很有趣。

As soon as I hung up, she comes to me and says,

我一掛斷電話，她就來跟我說，

"I didn't know you could do that.

「我不知道你會那個。

After all these years of knowing you, how did I not know you could do that?"

我認識你那麼多年， 竟然不知道你還會那個！」

What she was referring to was the fact that I could switch off the twang

她指的是我能從高亢的鼻音

and slip into a native tongue,

切換到母語，

and so I chose to let her in on a few other things

於是，我決定讓她知道更多其他

which locate me as a Motswana,

關於我身為波札納人的事情，

not just by virtue of the fact that I speak a language

不僅僅是我會説札納語，

or I have family there,

或者我有家人在波札納，

but that a rural child lives within this shiny visage of fabulosity.

也告訴她，在這光彩奪目的外表下， 我其實是一個農村孩子。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I invited the Motswana public into the story, my story,

多年前，我以跨性別者的身份，

邀請波札納大眾， 進入這個故事，我的故事，

as a transgender person years ago, in English of course,

當然，用的是英文。 因為札納語是種性別中立的語言，

because Setswana is a gender-neutral language

and the closest we get is an approximation of "transgender."

只有近似「變性者」的詞彙。

And an important part of my history got left out of that story,

那個故事中沒有提及 我的歷史中很重要的一部分，

by association rather than out of any act of shame.

沒提及的原因，是因為 關聯不大，而非出於羞恥。

"Kat" was an international superstar,

「凱特」是一位國際巨星，

a fashion and lifestyle writer, a musician, theater producer

時尚和風格的作家、音樂家、

and performer --

戲劇製作人，以及表演者——

all the things that qualify me to be a mainstream, whitewashed,

這一切都讓我有資格成為 一名主流的、被粉飾過的、

new age digestible queer.

容易瞭解的新世紀酷兒。

Kat.

凱特。

Kat had a degree from one of the best universities in Africa,

凱特在非洲最好的 大學之一拿到學位，

oh no, the world.

喔，不，是世界最好。

By association, what Kat wasn't

就關聯性來說，凱特並不像是

was just like the little brown-skinned children

褐色皮膚的小孩子，

frolicking through the streets of some incidental railway settlement

在鐵路延續居住地的街上嬉戲，

like Tati Siding,

像是塔堤賽汀，

or an off-the-grid village like Kgagodi,

或是缺乏基礎設施的村落， 像是卡戈迪，

legs clad in dust stockings whose knees had blackened

腳上穿著滿是塵土的長襪， 膝蓋處都發黑了，

from years of kneeling and wax-polishing floors,

這是長年跪著給地板打蠟的結果，

whose shins were marked with lessons from climbing trees,

脛骨上盡是爬樹留下的痕跡，

who played until dusk,

因為要一直玩到黃昏，

went in for supper by a paraffin lamp

才進到房裡在煤油燈旁吃晚餐，

and returned to play hide-and-seek amongst centipedes and owls

接著再回來在蜈蚣 和貓頭鷹之中玩躲迷藏，

until finally someone's mother would call the whole thing to an end.

直到有個人的母親出來 要大家到此為止。

That got lost both in translation and in transition,

那些在翻譯和轉變之中， 都已經失去了，

and when I realized this,

當我了解到這一點， 我決定該是開始

I decided it was time for me to start building bridges between myselves.

在我自己之間建立橋樑的時候了。

For me and for others to access me,

為了讓我以及他人能夠接近我，

I had to start indigenizing my queerness.

我得要開始將我的 酷兒特性給本土化。

What I mean by indigenizing is stripping away the city life film

我所謂的本土化，指的是 把城市生活的這層薄膜給剝除，

that stops you from seeing the villager within.

這層薄膜讓你無法看見 內在的這個村民。

In a time where being brown, queer, African and seen as worthy of space

在這個時代，褐色皮膚的 非裔酷兒可以存在，

means being everything but rural,

但鄉村除外──

I fear that we're erasing the very struggles

我害怕這抹煞了當初讓我們

that got us to where we are now.

走到現今這一步的那些掙扎。

The very first time I queered being out in a village,

我最早一次在村落中 以酷兒身份的出現，

I was in my early 20s, and I wore a kaftan.

是在我二十出頭的時候， 我穿著寬大的女長袍。

I was ridiculed by some of my family and by strangers for wearing a dress.

因為穿連衣裙，一些家人 和陌生人嘲笑我。

My defense against their comments was the default that we who don't belong,

我對他們評論的辯護是默認

不屬於他們群體、比他們優秀的人 就是會被他們教訓，

the ones who are better than, get taught,

we shrug them off and say, "They just don't know enough."

就聳聳肩說：「他們只是不夠了解。」

And of course I was wrong, because my idea of wealth of knowledge

當然，我錯了，因為 我對於知識豐富的認知

was based in removing yourself from Third World thinking and living.

是立基在讓你自己脫離

第三世界的思考和生活。

But it took time for me to realize that my acts of pride

但我花了一些時間， 才了解到我的驕傲之舉

weren't most alive in the global cities I traipsed through,

在我闖蕩過的全球城市中 並不是最活躍的，

but in the villages where I speak the languages and play the games

最活躍的是在我說那些語言、 玩那些遊戲的村落裡，

and feel most at home and I can say,

那是我最覺得像家的 地方，我可以說：

"I have seen the world,

「我已經看過世界了，

and I know that people like me aren't alone here, we are everywhere."

我知道在這裡，像我這樣的人 並不孤單，到處都有這樣的人。」

And so I used these village homes for self-reflection

所以，我用這些村落的家 來做自我反思，

and to give hope to the others who don't belong.

並將希望帶給那些沒有歸屬的人。

Indigenizing my queerness

將我的酷兒特性給本土化

means bridging the many exceptional parts of myself.

就意味著在我自己的許多 特殊部分之間搭起橋樑。

It means honoring the fact

它意味著要尊敬

that my tongue can contort itself to speak the Romance languages

我的舌頭能控制它自己 去說出浪漫的語言，

without denying or exoticizing the fact that when I am moved, it can do this:

且不否認或奇特化一件事實： 當我被感動時，我的舌頭能這樣：

(Ululating)

（嗥聲）

It means --

它意味著——

(Cheers)

（歡呼）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It means branding cattle with my mother or chopping firewood with my cousins

它意味著，和我媽媽一起給小牛 打上烙印，或和我表親一起砍材，

doesn't make me any less fabulous or queer,

並不會讓我比較不美麗或酷兒，

even though I'm now accustomed to rooftop shindigs, wine-paired menus

即使我現在已經習慣了 頂樓的社交聚會、搭配酒的菜單，

and VIP lounges.

以及貴賓室。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It means wearing my pride through my grandmother's tongue,

它意味著透過我祖母的舌頭、 我媽媽的食物、

my mother's food, my grandfather's song,

我祖父的歌曲，來佩帶我的驕傲，

my skin etched with stories of falling off donkeys

我的皮膚鮮明地描述著 落下驢子的故事，

and years and years and years of sleeping under a blanket of stars.

還有睡在星空之毯 底下的那些歲月。

If there's any place I don't belong,

如果我真的不屬於某一個地方，

it's in a mind where the story of me starts with the branch of me being queer

那個地方就是認定了我的故事 始於我身為酷兒的那個分支，

and not with my rural roots.

而非我鄉村根源的那種想法。

Indigenizing my queerness means understanding

將我的酷兒特性 給本土化，意味著了解到

that the rural is a part of me, and I am an indelible part of it.

鄉村是我的一部分， 我也是鄉村難以抹滅的一部分。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）