How changing your story can change your life | Lori Gottlieb | TED

譯者: Marssi Draw 審譯者: Harper Chang

I'm going to start by telling you about an email

我想先和大家分享

我最近在我的電子信箱 看到的一封信。

that I saw in my inbox recently.

Now, I have a pretty unusual inbox

我有個很特別的信箱，

because I'm a therapist

因為我是心理治療師，

and I write an advice column called "Dear Therapist,"

正在寫一個名叫 「親愛的治療師」的專欄，

so you can imagine what's in there.

所以各位可以想像 會有什麼樣的來信。

I mean, I've read thousands of very personal letters

我看過成千上萬封很私密的信件，

from strangers all over the world.

寄信人來自世界各地。

And these letters range from heartbreak and loss,

信件內容包羅萬象，從心碎、失去，

to spats with parents or siblings.

到和父母手足吵架。

I keep them in a folder on my laptop,

我把這些信放在 筆電的一個資料匣裡，

and I've named it "The Problems of Living."

命名為「生活的問題」。

So, I get this email, I get lots of emails just like this,

我收到這封信， 還有很多像這樣的信，

and I want to bring you into my world for a second

我想帶各位進入我的世界一下，

and read you one of these letters.

讀這之中的一封信。

And here's how it goes.

內容如下：

"Dear Therapist,

「親愛的治療師，

I've been married for 10 years

我結婚十年了，

and things were good until a couple of years ago.

一切都蠻順利， 直到兩年前有了變化。

That's when my husband stopped wanting to have sex as much,

從那時開始我老公不太想做愛了，

and now we barely have sex at all."

現在我們幾乎都不做了。」

I'm sure you guys were not expecting this.

我猜你們沒料到是這種內容。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Well, last night I discovered that for the past few months,

「昨晚我發現這幾個月來，

he's been secretly having long, late-night phone calls

他一直偷偷在半夜講很久的電話，

with a woman at his office.

對方是他的女同事。

I googled her, and she's gorgeous.

我上網搜尋她，她很美。

I can't believe this is happening.

我無法相信這事正在上演。

My father had an affair with a coworker when I was young

我爸和同事有過外遇，那時我還小，

and it broke our family apart.

這件事讓我們家庭破碎。

Needless to say, I'm devastated.

不用說我深受打擊。

If I stay in this marriage,

如果我待在這段婚姻裡，

I'll never be able to trust my husband again.

我永遠無法再次信任我老公。

But I don't want to put our kids through a divorce,

但我不想讓小孩經歷 我們離婚的過程、

stepmom situation, etc.

面對繼母的窘境等等。

What should I do?"

我該怎麼辦？」

Well, what do you think she should do?

你們覺得她該怎麼辦？

If you got this letter,

要是你們收到這封信，

you might be thinking about how painful infidelity is.

可能會想到不忠讓人多痛苦。

Or maybe about how especially painful it is here

或是想到她會特別痛苦，

because of her experience growing up with her father.

因為她成長過程中 經歷過父親的事件。

And like me, you'd probably have some empathy for this woman,

你們可能跟我一樣， 會同情這位女士，

and you might even have some,

也許還會有點……

how should I put this nicely,

怎麼說會好一點？這樣說吧，

let's just call them "not-so-positive" feelings for her husband.

對他老公有「不太正面」的感覺。

Now, those are the kinds of things that go through my mind too,

我讀那些來信的時候， 這類的念頭也會出現在我腦海裡。

when I'm reading these letters in my inbox.

But I have to be really careful when I respond to these letters

但我得非常小心回信，

because I know that every letter I get is actually just a story

因為我知道我收到的每封信

其實都只是某個特定的作者 所寫的故事。

written by a specific author.

And that another version of this story also exists.

故事的另一個版本也存在。

It always does.

一直都在。

And I know this

我知道這點，

because if I've learned anything as a therapist,

要說我從當治療師這件事學到什麼，

it's that we are all unreliable narrators of our own lives.

那就是我們都是自己人生故事 不可靠的敘述者。

I am.

我是。

You are.

你們也是。

And so is everyone you know.

你們認識的每個人都是。

Which I probably shouldn't have told you

其實這件事我不該講，

because now you're not going to believe my TED Talk.

因為你們之後 就不會相信我的演講了。

Look, I don't mean that we purposely mislead.

聽好，我的意思不是 我們刻意要誤導。

Most of what people tell me is absolutely true,

別人跟我說的大部分都是真的，

just from their current points of view.

只不過是從他們當下的觀點來看。

Depending on what they emphasize or minimize,

要看他們強調或輕描淡寫了什麼，

what they leave in, what they leave out,

他們說了什麼、沒說什麼，

what they see and want me to see,

他們看到什麼、 他們想讓我看到什麼，

they tell their stories in a particular way.

他們用一種特定的方式 來說自己的故事。

The psychologist Jerome Bruner described this beautifully -- he said,

心理學家傑羅姆‧布魯納 用很完美的方式形容這點：

「要說故事就無可避免 要選擇道德立場。」

"To tell a story is, inescapably, to take a moral stance."

All of us walk around with stories about our lives.

我們每個人都帶著 自己的人生故事生活。

Why choices were made, why things went wrong,

為什麼做出那些選擇、 為什麼事情會出錯、

why we treated someone a certain way --

為什麼我們會這樣對待某人──

because obviously, they deserved it --

因為他們顯然就該這樣被對待──

why someone treated us a certain way --

為什麼別人那樣對待我──

even though, obviously, we didn't.

即使我們顯然不該那樣被對待。

Stories are the way we make sense of our lives.

故事讓我們理解自己的生活。

But what happens when the stories we tell

但萬一我們說的故事

are misleading or incomplete or just wrong?

有誤導之嫌、不完整 或根本就錯了怎麼辦？

Well, instead of providing clarity,

那麼這些故事不會讓我們明白，

these stories keep us stuck.

反而會讓我們受困其中。

We assume that our circumstances shape our stories.

我們假定我們的環境 塑造我們的故事。

But what I found time and again in my work

但我從工作上發現

is that the exact opposite happens.

事實完全相反。

The way we narrate our lives shapes what they become.

我們敘述自己人生的方式， 塑造了人生的走向。

That's the danger of our stories,

這就是我們故事的危險之處，

because they can really mess us up,

因為故事可以讓我們一蹋糊塗，

but it's also their power.

但這也是故事的力量。

Because what it means is that if we can change our stories,

因為這意謂著， 如果我們改變自己的故事，

then we can change our lives.

我們就可以改變自己的人生。

And today, I want to show you how.

今天我想做給大家看。

Now, I told you I'm a therapist,

我提過我是治療師，

and I really am, I'm not being an unreliable narrator.

這是真的，我沒說謊。

But if I'm, let's say, on an airplane,

但如果我是在飛機上，

and someone asks what I do,

有人問我是做什麼的，

I usually say I'm an editor.

我通常說我是編輯。

And I say that partly because if I say I'm a therapist,

我只說了一部分， 因為如果我說我是治療師，

I always get some awkward response, like,

通常會得到很尷尬的回應，像是：

"Oh, a therapist.

「噢，治療師，

Are you going to psychoanalyze me?"

你打算要對我做精神分析嗎？」

And I'm thinking, "A : no,

我心想：「一、沒打算；

and B: why would I do that here?

二、我為何要在這裡做這件事？

If I said I was a gynecologist,

如果我是婦產科醫生，

would you ask if I were about to give you a pelvic exam?"

你會問我打算要 幫你的骨盆做個檢查嗎？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But the main reason I say I'm an editor

但我說自己是編輯的主因

is because it's true.

是因為那是真的。

Now, it's the job of all therapists to help people edit,

所有的治療師都幫人編輯，

but what's interesting about my specific role as Dear Therapist

但我身為「親愛的治療師」 這個特殊身分有趣的點，

is that when I edit, I'm not just editing for one person.

在於我編輯的時候 不是只為一個人編輯。

I'm trying to teach a whole group of readers how to edit,

我在指導一群讀者怎麼編輯，

每個星期用一封信來做範例。

using one letter each week as the example.

我會思考：

So I'm thinking about things like,

"What material is extraneous?"

「什麼資訊是無關的？」

"Is the protagonist moving forward or going in circles,

「主角是前進還是原地打轉，

are the supporting characters important or are they a distraction?"

配角重要，還是他們 只會讓人分散注意力？」

"Do the plot points reveal a theme?"

「某些故事情節透露出主題了嗎？」

And what I've noticed

我注意到的

is that most people's stories tend to circle around two key themes.

是大多數人的故事傾向 在兩個關鍵主題打轉。

The first is freedom,

第一是自由，

and the second is change.

第二是改變。

And when I edit,

我編輯的時候，

those are the themes that I start with.

這兩個主題我會先處理。

So, let's take a look at freedom for a second.

我們先來看一下自由。

Our stories about freedom go like this:

我們故事裡的自由可能是像這樣：

we believe, in general,

我們通常相信

that we have an enormous amount of freedom.

我們有很大的自由。

Except when it comes to the problem at hand,

不過在碰到眼前這個問題的時候，

in which case, suddenly, we feel like we have none.

突然間我們就覺得身不由己。

Many of our stories are about feeling trapped, right?

很多故事和覺得被困住有關，對吧？

We feel imprisoned by our families, our jobs,

我們覺得被囚禁在家庭、工作、

our relationships, our pasts.

關係、過往之中。

Sometimes, we even imprison ourselves with a narrative of self-flagellation --

有時候我們甚至會 用自虐的敘述來囚禁自己，

我知道你們都很清楚這些故事。

I know you guys all know these stories.

「每個人都過得比我好」這種故事

The "everyone's life is better than mine" story,

歸功於社群媒體。

courtesy of social media.

The "I'm an impostor" story, the "I'm unlovable" story,

「我是冒牌貨」、「我不討喜」、

「我做什麼都不會成功」、

the "nothing will ever work out for me" story.

「我呼喚 Siri，她沒回我，

The "when I say, 'Hey, Siri, ' and she doesn't answer,

就表示她討厭我」等等這些故事。

that means she hates me" story.

I see you, see, I'm not the only one.

看吧，我不是唯一有這種經驗的人。

The woman who wrote me that letter,

寫給我這封信的女人

she also feels trapped.

也覺得自己被困住了。

If she stays with her husband, she'll never trust him again,

如果她留在丈夫身邊， 她永遠不會信任他，

but if she leaves, her children will suffer.

但如果她離開，小孩就會受苦。

Now, there's a cartoon that I think is a perfect example

有個漫畫能夠經典呈現出

of what's really going on in these stories.

這些故事的癥結點。

The cartoon shows a prisoner shaking the bars,

漫畫裡有個犯人猛搖著欄杆，

desperately trying to get out.

死命想要出去。

But on the right and the left, it's open.

但左右兩邊是開著的，

No bars.

沒有欄杆。

The prisoner isn't in jail.

犯人沒有在監獄裡。

That's most of us.

我們大多數人都是如此。

We feel completely trapped,

我們覺得完全被困住了，

stuck in our emotional jail cells.

卡在情緒的牢房裡。

But we don't walk around the bars to freedom

但我們不會繞過欄杆走向自由，

because we know there's a catch.

因為我們知道事有困難。

Freedom comes with responsibility.

隨自由而來的是責任。

And if we take responsibility for our role in the story,

如果我們為故事裡的角色負責，

we might just have to change.

我們就得改變。

And that's the other common theme that I see in our stories: change.

這就是我在我們的故事裡 看到的第二個主題：改變。

Those stories sound like this:

那些故事聽起來像這樣：

a person says, "I want to change."

有人說：「我想改變。」

But what they really mean is,

但他們指的其實是：

"I want another character in the story to change."

「我希望故事裡的另一個人改變。」

Therapists describe this dilemma as:

治療師把這種兩難比喻成：

"If the queen had balls, she'd be the king."

「皇后若有『種』，就會是國王。」

I mean --

我是說──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It makes no sense, right?

這沒道理吧？

Why wouldn't we want the protagonist,

我們怎麼會不希望主角──

who's the hero of the story, to change?

那個故事裡的英雄──改變？

Well, it might be because change,

原因可能是：改變，

even really positive change,

即使是正向的改變，

involves a surprising amount of loss.

扯進來的損失多得讓人意想不到。

Loss of the familiar.

你會失去熟悉感。

Even if the familiar is unpleasant or utterly miserable,

即使那份熟悉讓人感到不悅或悲哀，

at least we know the characters and setting and plot,

至少我們知道角色、排場和劇情，

right down to the recurring dialogue in this story.

甚至是故事裡重覆出現的對話。

"You never do the laundry!"

「你都不洗衣服！」

"I did it last time!"

「上次是我洗的！」

"Oh, yeah? When?"

「是喔？上次是幾時？」

There's something oddly comforting

知道故事走向每次都會 帶來一種奇怪的慰藉感。

about knowing exactly how the story is going to go

every single time.

To write a new chapter is to venture into the unknown.

撰寫新篇章是對未知冒險，

It's to stare at a blank page.

是直視空白頁面。

And as any writer will tell you,

每個作家都會跟你說，

there's nothing more terrifying than a blank page.

沒有比空白頁面更恐怖的東西。

But here's the thing.

但有件事你要知道，

Once we edit our story,

一旦我們編輯了故事，

the next chapter becomes much easier to write.

寫下一章就會變得容易一點。

We talk so much in our culture about getting to know ourselves.

我們在我們的文化裡談到 許多要去認識自己。

But part of getting to know yourself is to unknow yourself.

但認識自己的其中一部分 是去忘記自己。

To let go of the one version of the story you've been telling yourself

放下你一直告訴自己的 某一個故事版本，

so that you can live your life,

這樣你就可以過你的生活，

and not the story that you've been telling yourself

而不是你一直跟自己說的故事

about your life.

告訴你怎麼生活。

And that's how we walk around those bars.

這是我們繞過欄杆的方式。

So I want to go back to the letter from the woman, about the affair.

回到那位女士關於外遇的信。

She asked me what she should do.

她問我她該怎麼辦。

Now, I have this word taped up in my office:

我在辦公室貼了這個詞：

ultracrepidarianism.

「假博識」 (ultracrepidarianism)。

The habit of giving advice or opinions outside of one's knowledge or competence.

明明不懂又愛給人建議、發表意見。

It's a great word, right?

這詞很棒吧？

You can use it in all different contexts,

適用多種情況，

I'm sure you will be using it after this TED Talk.

相信你聽完演講就會用這個詞。

I use it because it reminds me that as a therapist,

我用這個詞是因為它提醒我： 身為一個治療師，

I can help people to sort out what they want to do,

我可以幫人釐清他們想要做什麼，

but I can't make their life choices for them.

但我不能為他們的人生選擇做決定。

Only you can write your story,

只有你可以寫自己的故事，

and all you need are some tools.

你需要的只是一些工具。

So what I want to do

現在我想

is I want to edit this woman's letter together, right here,

和大家在這裡一起 編輯這位女士的故事，

as a way to show how we can all revise our stories.

藉此呈現我們可以 怎麼改寫自己的故事。

And I want to start by asking you

我希望大家

to think of a story that you're telling yourself right now

先想一個你跟自己說的故事，

that might not be serving you well.

可能讓你覺得委屈的故事。

It might be about a circumstance you're experiencing,

可能和你經歷過的某個情境有關，

it might be about a person in your life,

可能和你生命裡的某個人有關，

it might even be about yourself.

可能甚至和你自己有關。

And I want you to look at the supporting characters.

請你看看配角。

Who are the people who are helping you

是哪些人幫你

to uphold the wrong version of this story?

保存這個故事的錯誤版本？

For instance, if the woman who wrote me that letter

比如說，如果寫信給我的女士

告訴她朋友這件事，

told her friends what happened,

她朋友八成會發揮 所謂的「傻慈悲」。

they would probably offer her what's called "idiot compassion."

Now, in idiot compassion, we go along with the story,

傻慈悲會順著故事走，

we say, "You're right, that's so unfair,"

我們會說：「沒錯，太不公平了，」

when a friend tells us that he didn't get the promotion he wanted,

像是朋友說他沒被升到 想要的那個職位，

even though we know this has happened several times before

即使我們都知道 同樣的事已經發生好幾次，

原因出在他沒有努力做事，

because he doesn't really put in the effort,

而且他可能還偷摸走公司文具。

and he probably also steals office supplies.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

We say, "Yeah, you're right, he's a jerk,"

我們說：「你沒錯，他是蠢蛋，」

when a friend tells us that her boyfriend broke up with her,

回應朋友說她男友和她分手，

even though we know that there are certain ways

即使我們知道

她對另一半的某些行為──

she tends to behave in relationships,

like the incessant texting or the going through his drawers,

像是沒完沒了的傳訊 或是檢查他的抽屜，

that tend to lead to this outcome.

都會導致這種結果。

We see the problem, it's like,

我們看到問題，就像是

if a fight breaks out in every bar you're going to,

你要去的每間酒吧都有人打架鬧事，

it might be you.

那個人可能是你。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

In order to be good editors, we need to offer wise compassion,

為了當好編輯， 我們要給的是有智慧的慈悲，

not just to our friends, but to ourselves.

不只是給我們的朋友，也包含我們自己。

This is what's called -- I think the technical term might be --

這就是我們所謂── 我覺得術語應該這樣說──

"delivering compassionate truth bombs."

「傳遞富有同情心的實話炸彈」。

And these truth bombs are compassionate,

這些實話炸彈富有同情心，

because they help us to see what we've left out of the story.

因為它們幫助我們看見自己 拋棄故事的哪些部分。

The truth is,

事實是

we don't know if this woman's husband is having an affair,

我們不知道這位女士的丈夫 是不是有外遇、

or why their sex life changed two years ago,

為什麼他們的性生活在兩年前變了、

or what those late-night phone calls are really about.

那些深夜長談的電話內容是什麼。

And it might be that because of her history,

可能是因為她的過去經歷，

she's writing a singular story of betrayal,

讓她現在寫出一個背叛的故事，

but there's probably something else

但八成還有其他

that she's not willing to let me, in her letter,

她不願意讓我從她信裡

or maybe even herself, to see.

或甚至她自己看見的事。

It's like that guy who's taking a Rorschach test.

就像做墨跡測驗的人。

You all know what Rorschach tests are?

你們知道什麼是墨跡測驗嗎？

A psychologist shows you some ink blots, they look like that,

就是精神科醫師給你看一些墨水漬，

and asks, "What do you see?"

然後問：「你看到什麼？」

So the guy looks at his ink blot and he says,

那個看墨水漬的人說：

"Well, I definitely don't see blood."

「我絕對沒看到血。」

And the examiner says,

測試者說：

"Alright, tell me what else you definitely don't see."

「跟我說還有什麼你絕對沒看到的。」

In writing, this is called point of view.

在寫作上這叫做觀點。

What is the narrator not willing to see?

敘述者不願看到什麼？

So, I want to read you one more letter.

我想再為大家讀一封信。

And it goes like this.

內容如下：

"Dear Therapist,

「親愛的治療師，

I need help with my wife.

我需要有人幫助我老婆。

Lately, everything I do irritates her,

最近我做的每件事都會激怒她，

even small things, like the noise I make when I chew.

即使是小事，像是 我吃東西發出的聲音。

At breakfast,

吃早餐的時候，

I noticed that she even tries to secretly put extra milk in my granola

我發現她居然想 偷偷在我麥片裡多加牛奶，

so it won't be as crunchy."

這樣麥片就不脆了。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"I feel like she became critical of me after my father died two years ago.

「我發現兩年前我爸過世後， 她變得很常批評我。

I was very close with him,

我和我爸以前很親，

and her father left when she was young,

她爸在她小時候就離開了，

so she couldn't relate to what I was going through.

她不能體會我那時候的感受。

There's a friend at work whose father died a few months ago,

我有個朋友的父親幾個月前過世，

and who understands my grief.

他了解我的悲傷。

I wish I could talk to my wife like I talk to my friend,

我希望可以和我老婆談， 就像和我朋友一樣，

but I feel like she barely tolerates me now.

但我覺得她現在很難包容我。

How can I get my wife back?"

我要怎麼讓我老婆回來？」

OK.

好的。

So, what you probably picked up on

你們也許已經注意到，

is that this is the same story I read you earlier,

這和前一個故事是同一個故事，

just told from another narrator's point of view.

只是從不同的敘事觀點陳述。

Her story was about a husband who's cheating,

她的故事在於老公偷吃，

his story is about a wife who can't understand his grief.

他的故事在於老婆不了解他的悲傷。

But what's remarkable, is that for all of their differences,

值得注意的事，即使兩者這麼不同，

what both of these stories are about is a longing for connection.

這兩個故事都提到的是渴望連結。

And if we can get out of the first-person narration

如果我們能跳脫第一人稱敘事，

and write the story from another character's perspective,

從另一個角色的觀點來說故事，

suddenly that other character becomes much more sympathetic,

突然之間另一個角色變得讓人同情，

and the plot opens up.

情節就會擴展開來。

That's the hardest step in the editing process,

這是編輯過程中最難的一步，

but it's also where change begins.

但這也是改變開始的地方。

What would happen if you looked at your story

如果你看著你的故事，

and wrote it from another person's point of view?

然後從另一個人的觀點 來寫會怎麼樣？

What would you see now from this wider perspective?

現在你從這個更寬廣的視角 會看到什麼？

That's why, when I see people who are depressed,

這也就是為什麼，我看到 很沮喪的人有時候會說：

I sometimes say,

「你不是此刻最適合 和你談論你的人。」

"You are not the best person to talk to you about you right now,"

因為沮喪會用很特別的方式 扭曲我們的故事。

because depression distorts our stories in a very particular way.

沮喪會窄化我們的視角。

It narrows our perspectives.

The same is true when we feel lonely or hurt or rejected.

同樣的情況還會發生在感到 寂寞、受傷或被拒絕的時候。

We create all kinds of stories,

我們創造的各種故事

distorted through a very narrow lens

被很窄小的鏡頭扭曲，

that we don't even know we're looking through.

而我們甚至不知道自己 是透過那個鏡頭在看。

And then, we've effectively become our own fake-news broadcasters.

然後我們就成功當上 自己生活的假新聞主播。

I have a confession to make.

我要坦承一件事。

I wrote the husband's version of the letter I read you.

剛剛那封老公寫的信是我寫的。

You have no idea how much time I spent

你們猜不到我花多少時間

debating between granola and pita chips, by the way.

在麥片和薯片之間抉擇。

I wrote it based on all of the alternative narratives

我根據所有這些年看到的 故事「另一版本」來寫，

that I've seen over the years,

not just in my therapy practice, but also in my column.

不只是我在治療上， 還有從我的專欄上看到的。

When it's happened

當兩個碰到同一件事的人寫信給我，

that two people involved in the same situation

have written to me, unbeknownst to the other,

他們不知道對方也寫了信，

and I have two versions of the same story

而我有故事的兩個版本

sitting in my inbox.

就在我的信件匣裡。

That really has happened.

這種事真的發生過。

I don't know what the other version of this woman's letter is,

我不知道這位女士信件的 另一個版本是什麼，

but I do know this:

但我知道：

she has to write it.

她必須寫下這個故事。

Because with a courageous edit,

因為在勇敢的編輯後，

she'll write a much more nuanced version of her letter that she wrote to me.

她會寫一封比之前給我那封 更加細緻的信。

Even if her husband is having an affair of any kind --

即使她丈夫有不管哪種形式的外遇，

and maybe he is --

也許他真的有，

she doesn't need to know what the plot is yet.

她也還不需要知道情節是什麼。

Because just by virtue of doing an edit,

因為僅僅靠編輯故事，

she'll have so many more possibilities for what the plot can become.

她之後的情節發展 就會有更多可能性。

Now, sometimes it happens that I see people who are really stuck,

有時候我看到有人真的困住了，

and they're really invested in their stuckness.

他們真的沈溺在自己的困境中。

We call them help-rejecting complainers.

我們稱之為拒絕受助的抱怨人士。

I'm sure you know people like this.

我相信你們認識這種人。

They're the people who, when you try to offer them a suggestion,

這種人會在你試著 提供建議的時候拒絕，

they reject it with, "Yeah, no, that will never work, because ..."

「嗯，這樣行不通，因為……」

"Yeah, no, that's impossible, because I can't do that."

「嗯，不可能，因為我辦不到。」

"Yeah, I really want more friends, but people are just so annoying."

「嗯，我真的想要多點朋友， 但大家都很煩。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

What they're really rejecting

他們拒絕的其實是

is an edit to their story of misery and stuckness.

去編輯他們悲慘受困的故事。

And so, with these people, I usually take a different approach.

對這些人我通常會採取另一種措施。

And what I do is I say something else.

我會說點別的事，

I say to them,

我會說：

"We're all going to die."

「我們都會死。」

I bet you're really glad I'm not your therapist right now.

我猜你們都很慶幸 我不是你的治療師。

Because they look back at me

因為他們看著我的神情

the way you're looking back at me right now,

就跟你們現在看我的一樣，

with this look of utter confusion.

非常困惑的表情。

然後我會解釋有個

But then I explain that there's a story

關於我們所有一切的故事 終究會被寫下。

that gets written about all of us, eventually.

It's called an obituary.

稱為訃聞。

And I say that instead of being authors of our own unhappiness,

我說與其當自己不快樂故事的作家，

we get to shape these stories while we're still alive.

我們要在還活著的時候 形塑這些故事。

We get to be the hero and not the victim in our stories,

我們要在自己的故事裡 當英雄而非受害者，

we get to choose what goes on the page that lives in our minds

我們得選擇把什麼故事 寫入腦海裡的頁面，

and shapes our realities.

然後形塑我們的現實。

I tell them that life is about deciding which stories to listen to

我告訴他們，生活是 要決定什麼故事要聽，

and which ones need an edit.

什麼故事需要編輯。

And that it's worth the effort to go through a revision

我們值得花心力 去仔細改寫一個版本，

because there's nothing more important to the quality of our lives

因為對生活品質來說，

沒有什麼是比我們告訴自己 關於自己的故事還重要的了。

than the stories we tell ourselves about them.

I say that when it comes to the stories of our lives,

我說碰到故事是 關於我們人生的時候，

we should be aiming for our own personal Pulitzer Prize.

我們應該致力於 自己個人的普利茲獎。

Now, most of us aren't help-rejecting complainers,

我們大多數人都不是 拒絕受助的抱怨人士。

or at least we don't believe we are.

至少我們都不相信自己是這種人。

But it's a role that is so easy to slip into

但這個角色非常容易出現，

when we feel anxious or angry or vulnerable.

在我們覺得焦慮、生氣 或脆弱時趁虛而入。

So the next time you're struggling with something,

所以下次你在掙扎某事的時候，

remember,

記得，

we're all going to die.

我們都會死。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then pull out your editing tools

然後拿出你的編輯工具，

and ask yourself:

並問問自己，

what do I want my story to be?

我希望自己的故事是什麼樣子？

And then, go write your masterpiece.

然後去寫下你的傑作。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）