The joy of taking out the trash | Aparna Nancherla

Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs

譯者: Luna Lune 審譯者: Amanda Zhu

You might not know this just from looking at me,

你光看我可能不會知道，

but you might guess it from smelling me.

但聞我的味道可能猜得到。

One of my favorite things to do is take out the trash.

倒垃圾是我很喜歡做的一件事。

It's the laziest way to technically pare down your possessions,

從技術上講，這是減少雜物 最懶惰的方法。

because the one thing you can never do enough of

因為在像我住的紐約小公寓裡，

in a small New York City apartment like mine

有件事怎麼做也不夠，

is get rid of stuff.

那就是把東西丟掉。

The stuff that our modern consumerist carbon-powered culture

我們的現代消費主義碳動力文化

讓我們無緣無故地不停買東西。

makes us buy endlessly and often for no reason.

而且經常毫無理由地去買。

Getting rid of people never hurts either.

把人丟掉傷害不了彼此。

Roommates, family members,

室友、家人，那個在你客廳裡 住了好幾個禮拜的老太太。

that old lady who's been in your living room for weeks.

Who is she anyway?

她到底是誰？

No squatters allowed.

賴著不走的不速之客我可不歡迎。

I don't care if you're a ghost.

就算你是鬼也一樣。

Also, not to brag,

還有，我不是吹牛，

but I've been micro-decluttering since before Marie Kondo got big.

近藤麻里爆紅之前，

我就在「微」整理了。

In fact, I've cut out her step

事實上，她那個考慮哪樣東西 讓你心生歡喜的那個步驟

of picking things up and figuring out whether they spark joy in me

已經被我省掉了，

because I already know what sparks joy in me,

因為我已經知道什麼會讓我心生歡喜：

倒垃圾。

throwing out trash.

What kind of trash?

什麼樣的垃圾？

Well, I'll give you a clue.

好吧，我給你一個提示。

It starts with H and it ends with air.

它是 H 開頭，air 結尾。

That's right, it's a lot of hair.

沒錯，就是一堆 hair （頭髮）。

Don't try and picture how much; you'll feel sick.

勸你不要想有多少頭髮， 你會覺得噁心。

And if you don't feel sick, you haven't pictured enough.

如果你不覺得噁心， 就是你想像得不夠多。

I shed like an Instagram influencer sheep dog

我就像 Instagram 網紅 牧羊犬一樣會掉毛。

who's decided fur is the only thing holding her career back.

她認為毛是她事業的唯一障礙。

We're all trying to reduce our carbon footprints and consumption.

我們都在努力減少 自己的碳足跡和消費，

So by throwing out trash,

所以我所謂的倒垃圾，

I also naturally mean recycling and composting.

也包括垃圾回收和堆肥。

I try to do both.

這兩樣我都儘量做。

In fact, I once carried a takeout container across half the city

事實上，我曾經拿著一個外袋包裝

穿越半個城市，

just to put it in the right bin.

為的只是把它放在該放的回收桶裡。

Where's my inspiring biopic?

怎麼還沒人來拍我的勵志傳記片？

But then I learned recycling frequently isn't working.

但是後來我發現常常做回收沒用。

Even if we all separate out glass, cans and cardboard,

就算我們把玻璃、 金屬罐和紙板都分類，

a lot of stuff doesn't neatly fit into those categories.

還有很多東西不屬於這些類別。

Paper envelopes lined with bubble wrap can't be recycled.

氣泡信封袋不能回收，

Pizza boxes with grease stains can't be recycled.

沾到油漬的披薩紙盒也不能回收。

That memory from seventh grade when I ...

我記得七年級的時候……

Ah, who am I kidding?

哦，別開玩笑了，

All of seventh grade can't be recycled.

七年級的一切都不能回收了。

There's even a term for it: aspirational recycling.

甚至有個新名詞叫「有抱負的回收」 （雙關：吸氣回收）。

At first, I thought that's if you went to spin class last week,

剛開始我以為那意思是， 如果你上週去上了有氧飛輪課，

so it should count for this week too.

這週的也算上過了。

China used to import a lot of the US's recyclables,

中國過去進口了很多美國的回收品，

but they stopped accepting foreign garbage in 2018

但他們在 2018 年發布污染禁令後，

as part of a pollution ban.

就不再接受外國垃圾了。

Whatever happened to one country's trash is another country's treasure?

一個國家的垃圾

不就是另一個國家的寶藏嗎？

Now, a lot of US recycling goes straight to landfills.

現在美國把很多回收垃圾 直接送到掩埋場。

The EPA says that only 10 percent of plastic has ever been recycled.

美國環保署說， 只有 10％ 的塑膠被回收。

Not that this is about me,

這跟我沒關係啦，

but this balloons my anxiety the size of the giant Pacific garbage patch

可是我的焦慮膨脹到 跟太平洋上的垃圾島一樣大，

way out in the ocean

以後我們都要到那裡參加渡假婚禮了。

where we'll all eventually go for our next destination wedding.

So, if you're American,

所以如果你是美國人，

hound your political representatives to work on this recycling issue,

請要求你的民意代表 想辦法處理這回收問題，

and try to create less waste overall by reusing materials.

而且自己要試著透過再利用 來減少整體的浪費。

Here's stuff I've been reusing in my life:

我一生中一直在重複使用這些東西：

plastic bags, salsa jars and old fights with my boyfriend.

塑膠袋、莎莎醬瓶子、 跟男朋友的舊帳。

Now, the next time I have to throw out the trash,

下次要倒垃圾的時候，

I can confidently ask:

我可以自信地問：

Hey, can I reuse this loose ball of hair again?

嘿，這球掉髮還有用處嗎？

And you know what? I probably can.

你知道嗎？八成有用。

In fact, I'm going to give it to that old ghost lady as a going away present.

其實，我要把它送給那個老女鬼

作為臨別禮物。

Thank you.

謝謝。