Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse | Thomas Curran

Translator: Lars Hansen Reviewer: Jette Thrane

I'm a bit of a perfectionist.

"Jeg er lidt af en perfektionist."

Now, how many times have you heard that one?

Hvor ofte hører man ikke det?

Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.

I selskab med venner eller familien.

It's everyone's favorite flaw,

Det er alles yndlingsfejl.

it's that now quite common response

Det er det ofte brugte svar

to the difficult, final question at job interviews:

på det svære, afsluttende spørgsmål til jobsamtalen:

"My biggest weakness?

"Min største svaghed?

That's my perfectionism."

Det er min perfektionisme."

You see, for something that supposedly holds us back,

Efter sigende holder det os tilbage,

it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up

men mange rækker stadig hånden i vejret

and say we're perfectionists.

og siger de er perfektionister.

But there's an interesting and serious point

Men der er en alvorlig pointe,

because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive

for vores modvillige beundring af perfektion er så udbredt

that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms.

at vi sjældent undrer os over, hvorfor det er sådan.

What does it say about us and our society

Hvad siger det om os og vores samfund

that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?

at vi på den måde hylder perfektion?

We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth.

Vi ser perfektion som et tegn på værdi.

The emblem of the successful.

De succesfuldes kendetegn.

Yet, in my time studying perfectionism,

Men i mine studier af perfektionisme,

I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.

så jeg sjældent beviser på at perfektionister har større succes.

Quite the contrary --

Nærmere det modsatte -

they feel discontented and dissatisfied

de føler sig misfornøjede og utilfredse

amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough.

og lever med en fornemmelse af ikke at være perfekte nok.

We know from clinician case reports

Vi ved fra sygejournaler

that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties,

at perfektionisme kan dække over en række psykiske udfordringer,

including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia

lidelser som depression, angst, anoreksi, bulimi

and even suicide ideation.

og sågar selvmordstanker.

And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years,

Og mere bekymrende er at gennem de seneste 25 år

we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate.

har vi set en alarmerende stigning i perfektionisme.

And at the same time,

Og i samme periode,

we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before.

har vi set flere unge med psykiske lidelser end nogensinde før.

Rates of suicide in the US alone

Selvmordsraterne i USA alene

increased by 25 percent across the last two decades.

er steget med 25 procent gennem de seneste to årtier.

And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada,

Og vi begynder at se tilsvarende tendenser i Canada

and in my home country, the United Kingdom.

og i mit hjemland, Storbritannien.

Now, our research is suggesting

Vores studier indikerer

that perfectionism is rising as society is changing.

at perfektionismen stiger, fordi samfundet ændrer sig.

And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity

Og det ændrer opfattelsen af personlig identitet

and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact

og ændrer måden unge omgås

with each other and the world around them.

hinanden og verden omkring dem.

And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society

Vores markedsbaserede samfund giver

that include things like unrestricted choice

bl.a. ubegrænsede valgmuligheder

and personal freedom,

og personlig frihed,

and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing

og vi mener disse kendetegn bidrager til

to almost epidemic levels of this problem.

problemets store udbredelse.

So let me give you an example.

Et eksempel ...

Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life

Unge i dag er mere optagede af at opnå det perfekte liv

and lifestyle.

og livsstil.

In terms of their image, status and wealth.

Hvad angår deres selvbillede, status og rigdom

Data from Pew show that young people

viser data fra Pew, at unge mennesker

born in the US in the late 1980s

født i USA i slutningen af 1980'erne

are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich

20% oftere angiver materiel rigdom

as among their most important life goals,

som et af deres vigtigste mål i livet,

relative to their parents and their grandparents.

i forhold til tidligere generationer.

Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations,

Unge mennesker låner mere end de ældre generationer

and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods

og de bruger en langt større del af deres indkomst på fysiske goder

and status possessions.

og statussymboler.

These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles

Disse statussymboler, deres liv og livsstil

are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms

vises detaljeret frem på de sociale medier

of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.

såsom Instagram, Facebook og Snapchat.

In this new visual culture,

I denne nye visuelle kultur,

the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.

er illusionen om perfektion vigtigere end virkeligheden.

If one side of the modern landscape

Hvis den ene side af det moderne landskab,

that we have so lavishly furnished for young people

som vi overdådigt omgiver de unge med,

is this idea that there's a perfectible life

er ideen om et liv, der kan perfektioneres

and that there's a perfectible lifestyle,

og en tilhørende livsstil,

then the other is surely work.

så er den anden side helt sikkert arbejde.

Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough.

Intet er umuligt, hvis man vil det nok.

Or so we're told.

Det får vi at vide.

This is the idea at the heart of the American dream.

Det er grundlaget i den amerikanske drøm.

Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work.

Muligheder, evner og skabertrang.

The notion that hard work always pays off.

At hårdt arbejde betaler sig.

And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny.

Og vigtigst af alt - vi er vores egen lykkes smed.

These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status

Disse idéer binder vores rigdom og status

and our image with our innate, personal value.

og selvbillede sammen med vores medfødte personlige værdi.

But it is, of course, complete fiction.

Men det er ren fiktion.

Because even if there were equality of opportunity,

For selv med lige muligheder,

the idea that we are captains of our own destiny

skjuler idéen om at være sin egen lykkes smed

disguises a much darker reality for young people

en mørkere virkelighed for unge mennesker,

that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal.

at deres værdi konstant vurderes.

Metrics, rankings, lead tables

Konkrete resultater og placeringer

have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified

er blevet målestokken for evner

and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.

og bruges til at placere unge mennesker i den rette skole, klasse eller gymnasie.

Education is the first arena

Uddannelse er det første område

where measurement is so publicly played out

hvor dette udspiller sig åbenlyst

and where metrics are being used

og test bruges

as a tool to improve standards and performance.

som værktøj til at forbedre niveauet.

And it starts young.

Og det starter tidligt.

Young people in America's big city high schools

Børn i de amerikanske skoler

take some 112 mandatory standardized tests

skal igennem 112 obligatoriske prøver

between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade.

fra børnehaveklassen til 3.G

No wonder young people report a strong need to strive,

Det er klart at de unge stræber efter

perform and achieve at the center of modern life.

at blive til noget i vores moderne tid.

They've been conditioned to define themselves

De definerer sig selv ved hjælp af

in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.

begrænsende termer som karakterer og gennemsnit

This is a society that preys on their insecurities.

Vores samfund udstiller deres usikkerheder.

Insecurities about how they are performing

Usikkerhed om deres præstation

and how they are appearing to other people.

og andres vurdering af dem.

This is a society that amplifies their imperfections.

Samfundet forstærker deres uperfektheder.

Every flaw, every unforeseen setback

Hver en fejl og uforudset tilbageslag

increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else,

presser dem til at være endnu mere perfekte,

bluntly, you're a failure.

for ellers er man en fiasko.

That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive --

Følelsen af at fejle og ikke slå til er udbredt.

just talk to young people.

Bare spørg de unge.

"How should I look, how should I behave?"

"Hvordan skal jeg se ud og opføre mig?"

"I should look like that model,

"Jeg skal ligne den model,

I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer,

jeg skal have flere følgere end den influencer på Instagram,

I must do better in school."

jeg må være bedre i skolen"

In my role as mentor to many young people,

Som mentor for mange unge,

I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand.

ser jeg konsekvensen af perfektionisme.

And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly.

Lad mig fortælle jer om en studerende

John, not his real name, was ambitious,

John (opdigtet navn) var ambitiøs,

hardworking and diligent

hårdtarbejdende og flittig

and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving,

og udadtil usædvanligt højtydende,

often getting first-class grades for his work.

ofte fik han de højeste karakterer for sine afleveringer.

Yet, no matter how well John achieved,

Men uanset hvad John præsterede,

he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures,

så han sine successer som ynkelige fiaskoer,

and in meetings with me,

og på vores møder,

he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down.

talte han åbent om hvordan han skuffede sig selv og andre.

John's justification was quite simple:

Hans logik var enkel:

How could he be a success

Hvordan kunne han være en succes,

when he was trying so much harder than other people

når han knoklede meget hårdere end andre

just to attain the same outcomes?

bare for at opnå de samme resultater?

See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic,

Johns perfektionisme og høje arbejdsmoral

was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness

afslørede hans indre svaghed

to himself and to others.

overfor ham selv og andre.

Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism

Johns eksempel viser bagsiden

as a way of being in the world.

ved perfektion som livsstil.

Contrary to popular belief,

Modsat hvad mange tror,

perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks.

handler perfektionisme ikke om at perfektionere ting eller handlinger.

It's not about striving for excellence.

Det er ikke at opnå ekspertise.

John's case highlights this vividly.

Det viser Johns eksempel tydeligt.

At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self.

Grundlæggende handler perfektionisme om at perfektionere selvet.

Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.

Mere præcist, perfektionere det uperfekte selv.

And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement

Det er som et bjerg af præstationer,

that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling.

som perfektionisme får os til at bestige.

And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit,

Og vi tænker, "Når jeg når toppen,

then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something."

vil folk se min værdi og ikke mine fejl."

But what perfectionism doesn't tell us

Men hvad vi ikke ser,

is that soon after reaching that summit,

er at når vi har nået toppen,

we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame,

ender vi tilbage i usikkerhedens og skammens lavland,

just to try and scale that peak again.

til et nyt forsøg på at nå toppen.

This is the cycle of self-defeat.

En selvdestruktiv cyklus.

In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off.

I jagten på uopnåelig perfektion, kan perfektionisten ikke bare stå af.

And it's why it's so difficult to treat.

Det gør det vanskeligt at behandle.

Now, we've known for decades and decades

Vi har vidst i årtier

that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems,

at perfektionisme bidrager til et væld af psykologiske problemer,

but there was never a good way to measure it.

men aldrig fundet en god måde at påvise det.

That was until the late 1980s

Først sidst i 1980'erne,

when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,

da canadierne Paul Hewitt og Gordon Flett,

came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism.

udviklede en måde at måle perfektionisme gennem selv-rapportering.

So that's right, folks, you can measure this,

Nemlig, det kan måles,

and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism.

og indfanger tre kerneelementer af perfektionisme.

The first is self-oriented perfectionism,

Den første er selv-centreret perfektionisme,

the irrational desire to be perfect:

det irrationelle ønske om at være perfekt:

"I strive to be as perfect as I can be."

"Jeg vil være så perfekt jeg kan."

The second is socially prescribed perfectionism,

Den anden er socialt påtvunget perfektion,

the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding:

oplevelsen af at det sociale miljø kræver for meget:

"I feel that others are too demanding of me."

"Andre forlanger for meget af mig"

And the third is other-oriented perfectionism,

Den tredje er udadrettet perfektionisme,

the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people:

at påtvinge andre urealistiske standarder:

"If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."

"Hvis jeg beder nogen gøre noget, så forventer jeg det gjort perfekt."

Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism

Undersøgelser viser en sammenhæng mellem alle tre elementer

associate with compromised mental health,

og udfordringer i den mentale sundhed,

including things like heightened depression,

såsom depression,

heightened anxiety and suicide ideation.

angst og selvmordstanker.

But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism

Det mest problematiske element

is socially prescribed perfectionism.

er socialt påtvunget perfektion.

That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect.

Følelsen af at alle forventer jeg er perfekt.

This element of perfectionism

Dette element

has a large correlation with serious mental illness.

hænger tydeligt sammen med alvorlig psykisk sygdom.

And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind,

Og med nutidens fokus på perfektion i frisk erindring,

I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.

var jeg nysgerrig på om disse elementer ændrede sig.

To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations,

Indtil nu har forskningen fokuseret på de nære familierelationer,

but we wanted to look at it at a broader level.

men vi ønskede at kigge bredere.

So we took all of the data that had ever been collected

Så vi tog alle data, der var indsamlet

in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure,

i de 27 år siden Paul og Gordon udviklede perfektionsmålingen,

and we isolated the data in college students.

og isolerede data om universitetsstuderende.

This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people

Mere end 40.000 unge

from American, Canadian and British colleges,

fra universiteter i USA, Canada og England

and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend.

og vi ledte efter tendenser i de mange data.

And in all, it took us more than three years

Det tog os over tre år

to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers,

at samle al information, knuse tallene

and write our report.

og skrive vores rapport.

But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming.

Vores analyse afdækkede noget opsigtsvækkende.

All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time.

Alle tre elementer af perfektionisme er forøget med tiden.

But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.

Men socialt påtvunget perfektion var klart steget mest.

In 1989,

I 1989

just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels

rapporterede blot 9% af de unge klinisk relevante niveauer

of socially prescribed perfectionism.

af socialt påtvunget perfektionisme.

Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations.

Sådanne niveauer er typiske i kliniske grupper.

By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent.

I 2017 var tallet fordoblet til 18%.

And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested

Og i 2050 forudser vores modeller

indicate that almost one in three young people

at næsten en ud af tre unge

will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.

vil rapportere klinisk relevante niveauer af socialt påtvunget perfektion.

Remember, this is the element of perfectionism

Husk på at dette element

that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness,

har den største sammenhæng med alvorlig psykisk sygdom

and that's for good reason.

og med god grund.

Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need

Perfektionister af den type føler konstant behov

to meet the expectations of other people.

for at møde andres forventninger.

And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection,

Og selv hvis de lever op til andres forventninger,

they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree

så hæver de niveauet næste gang,

because these folks believe that the better they do,

for disse mennesker tror at jo bedre de klarer sig,

the better that they're expected to do.

jo højere er forventningerne til dem.

This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.

Det afføder hjælpeløshed og værre, håbløshed.

But is there hope?

Er der håb?

Of course there's hope.

Selvfølgelig er der håb

Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things --

Perfektionister skal holde fast i visse egenskaber,

they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking.

de er ofte kloge, ambitiøse og hårdtarbejdende.

And yes, treatment is complex.

Behandlingen er kompleks.

But a little bit of self-compassion,

Men lidt medfølelse med sig selv,

going easy on ourselves when things don't go well,

når ting ikke går som forventet,

can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success.

kan forandre disse egenskaber til større personlig ro og succes.

And then there's what we can do as caregivers.

Og deres omsorgspersoner kan også bidrage.

Perfectionism develops in our formative years,

Perfektionisme udvikles, mens vi er børn,

and so young people are more vulnerable.

og derfor er unge mere udsatte.

Parents can help their children

Forældre kan hjælpe deres børn

by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed.

ved betingelsesløst at støtte dem, når de prøvede, men fejlede.

And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge

Og forældre må modstå fristelsen

in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent,

til konstant at blande sig,

as a lot of anxiety is communicated

for det afføder angst

when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.

når forældre opfatter barnets successer og fiaskoer som deres egne.

But ultimately, our research raises important questions

Vores forskning rejser vigtige spørgsmål

about how we are structuring society

om vores samfundsstruktur

and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing

og om dets fokus på konkurrence, vurderinger og tests

is benefiting young people.

gavner de unge.

It's become commonplace for public figures to say

Man hører ofte i pressen

that young people just need a little bit more resilience

at unge blot skal være mere robuste,

in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures.

når de møder dette nye forventningspres.

But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue

Jeg mener derimod at vi undlader at tage ansvar for problemets kerne,

because we have a shared responsibility

for vi deler alle ansvaret

to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection

for at skabe en kultur hvor unge kan være mindre perfekte

in the first place.

som udgangspunkt.

Let's not kid ourselves.

Det bliver ikke nemt.

Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge,

Det er en stor udfordring at skabe sådan en verden,

and for a generation of young people

og for en generation af unge

that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight

der hele tiden er i kontakt med

of metrics, lead tables and social media,

karakterer og sociale medier,

perfectionism is inevitable,

er perfektionisme uundgåelig,

so long as they lack any purpose in life

så længe de ikke har større formål

greater than how they are appearing

i livet end deres fremtoning

or how they are performing to other people.

og hvordan de klarer sig i forhold til andre.

What can they do about it?

Hvad kan de gøre?

Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop,

Hver gang de skubbes ned fra toppen af bjerget

they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again.

ser de ingen anden udvej end at bestige bjerget igen.

The ancient Greeks knew

De gamle grækere vidste

that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain

at denne endeløse kamp mod bjerget

is not the road to happiness.

ikke fører til lykke.

Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus,

Deres billede af Helvede var manden Sisyfos

doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill,

dømt til for evigt at skubbe den samme sten op ad en bakke

only to see it roll back down and have to start again.

blot for at se den rulle ned igen så han måtte starte forfra.

So long as we teach young people

Så længe vi lærer de unge

that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives

at det mest ægte eller meningsfulde i deres liv

than this hopeless quest for perfection,

er en håbløs jagt på perfektion,

then we are going to condemn future generations

vil fremtidige generationer ende

to that same futility and despair.

i den samme fortvivlende situation.

And so we're left with a question.

Så spørgsmålet er

When are we going to appreciate

Hvornår indser vi

that there is something fundamentally inhuman

at der er noget grundlæggende umenneskeligt

about limitless perfection?

ved grænseløs perfektion

No one is flawless.

Ingen er fejlfri.

If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism,

Hvis vi vil hjælpe de unge ud af perfektionismens kløer,

then we will teach them that in a chaotic world,

så skal vi lære dem, at i en kaotisk verden,

life will often defeat us, but that's OK.

vil livet ofte overmande os, men det er OK

Failure is not weakness.

Fiasko er ikke svaghed.

If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare

Hvis vi vil hjælpe de unge ud af denne selvødelæggende fælde

of impossible perfection,

af umulig perfektion,

then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.

så skal hele samfundet stoppe med at nære den samme illusion.

But most of all,

Men vigtigst af alt,

if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional

hvis vi ønsker vores unge skal være følelsesmæssigt

and psychological health,

og psykologisk sunde

then we will invite them to celebrate the joys

så skal vi vise dem glæden

and the beauties of imperfection

og skønheden ved det uperfekte

as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.

som en naturlig del af hverdagen.

Thank you very much.

Mange tak

(Applause)

(Bifald)