Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse | Thomas Curran

Prevoditelj: Antoaneta Mjeda Recezent: Sanda L

I'm a bit of a perfectionist.

Pomalo sam perfekcionist.

Now, how many times have you heard that one?

Koliko ste to puta čuli?

Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.

Možda na piću s prijateljima ili od obitelji na Dan zahvalnosti.

It's everyone's favorite flaw,

To je svima najdraža mana.

it's that now quite common response

Danas je prilično čest odgovor

to the difficult, final question at job interviews:

na teško zadnje pitanje na razgovoru za posao:

"My biggest weakness?

"Moja najveća slabost?

That's my perfectionism."

To je moj perfekcionizam."

You see, for something that supposedly holds us back,

Za nešto što nas navodno zadržava,

it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up

prilično je upečatljivo da su mnogi od nas sretni što mogu dići ruke

and say we're perfectionists.

i reći da su perfekcionisti.

But there's an interesting and serious point

No, postoji zanimljiva i ozbiljna poanta,

because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive

jer je naše nevoljko obožavanje perfekcionizma toliko prožimajuće,

that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms.

da nikad stvarno ne stanemo promisliti o tom konceptu.

What does it say about us and our society

Što to govori o nama i našem društvu,

that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?

da postoji neka vrsta slavlja u savršenstvu?

We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth.

Skloni smo održavanju perfekcionizma kao oznaci vrijednosti.

The emblem of the successful.

Simbola uspješnosti.

Yet, in my time studying perfectionism,

Ipak, proučavajući perfekcionizam

I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.

vidio sam ograničene dokaze da su perfekcionisti uspješniji.

Quite the contrary --

Baš suprotno -

they feel discontented and dissatisfied

osjećaju se nezadovoljno i nesretno

amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough.

usred trajnog osjećaja da nikad nisu dovoljno savršeni.

We know from clinician case reports

Iz prikaza kliničkih slučajeva znamo

that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties,

da perfekcionizam prikriva mnogo psiholoških poteškoća,

including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia

uključujući depresiju, anksioznost, anoreksiju, bulimiju,

and even suicide ideation.

pa čak i suicidalne misli.

And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years,

Još i više zabrinjava da smo zadnjih 25 godina

we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate.

primijetili uznemirujuće brz porast perfekcionizma.

And at the same time,

Istovremeno,

we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before.

sve je više mentalnih bolesti među mladima.

Rates of suicide in the US alone

Stopa samoubojstava se samo u SAD-u

increased by 25 percent across the last two decades.

povećala za 25% tijekom zadnja dva desetljeća.

And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada,

Počinjemo viđati sličan trend u Kanadi

and in my home country, the United Kingdom.

te u mojoj domovini, Ujedinjenom Kraljevstvu.

Now, our research is suggesting

Naše istraživanje sugerira

that perfectionism is rising as society is changing.

da se perfekcionizam povećava kako se društvo mijenja.

And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity

Promijenjeno društvo odražava promijenjen osjećaj osobnog identiteta,

and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact

a s njime i razlike u načinu na koji mladi surađuju

with each other and the world around them.

jedni s drugima i svijetom oko njih.

And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society

Postoje neke jedinstvene karakteristike našeg tržišno orijentiranog društva

that include things like unrestricted choice

koje uključuju neograničen izbor

and personal freedom,

i osobnu slobodu,

and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing

a za te karakteristike vjerujemo da pridonose

to almost epidemic levels of this problem.

gotovo epidemskim razinama ovog problema.

So let me give you an example.

Dat ću vam primjer.

Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life

Mladi se danas više brinu oko postizanja savršenog života

and lifestyle.

i stila života.

In terms of their image, status and wealth.

U smislu njihovog imidža, statusa i bogatstva.

Data from Pew show that young people

Podaci Istraživačkog centra Pew pokazuju da će mladi

born in the US in the late 1980s

rođeni u SAD-u kasnih 80-ih

are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich

20% vjerojatnije reći da im je biti materijalno bogatima

as among their most important life goals,

među najvažnijim životnim ciljevima,

relative to their parents and their grandparents.

uzevši u obzir njihove roditelje te bake i djedove.

Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations,

Mladi također posuđuju više nego starije generacije

and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods

te troše puno veći dio svojih prihoda na imidž

and status possessions.

i statusne simbole.

These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles

Ti simboli, njihovi životi i način života

are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms

su sad prikazani u živim detaljima na sveprisutnim društvenim mrežama:

of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.

Instagramu, Facebooku, Snapchatu.

In this new visual culture,

U ovoj novoj vizualnoj kulturi,

the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.

privid savršenstva je daleko važniji od stvarnosti.

If one side of the modern landscape

Ako je jedna strana modernog krajolika,

that we have so lavishly furnished for young people

kojom smo tako velikodušno opskrbili mlade,

is this idea that there's a perfectible life

ideja da postoji usavršljiv život,

and that there's a perfectible lifestyle,

usavršljiv način života,

then the other is surely work.

onda je druga sigurno posao.

Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough.

Ništa nije nedohvatljivo onima koji to dovoljno jako žele.

Or so we're told.

Ili nam tako bar kažu.

This is the idea at the heart of the American dream.

Ta je ideja u samom srcu američkog sna.

Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work.

Prilika, meritokracija, samoostvarena osoba, težak rad.

The notion that hard work always pays off.

Ideja da se težak rad uvijek isplati.

And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny.

I iznad svega, ideja da sami upravljamo svojom sudbinom.

These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status

Te ideje povezuju naše bogatstvo, status

and our image with our innate, personal value.

i imidž s našom prirođenom osobnom vrijednošću.

But it is, of course, complete fiction.

No to je potpuna izmišljotina.

Because even if there were equality of opportunity,

Jer čak i da postoji jednakost prilika,

the idea that we are captains of our own destiny

ideja da sami upravljamo svojom sudbinom

disguises a much darker reality for young people

prikriva puno mračniju stvarnost za mlade,

that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal.

to da su podložni neprekidnom ekonomskom sudu.

Metrics, rankings, lead tables

Mjerenja, rangiranja, ljestvice vodećih

have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified

pojavili su se kao mjerila kojima se zasluge mogu prebrojiti

and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.

i koristiti kako bi se mladi svrstali u škole i fakultete.

Education is the first arena

Obrazovanje je prva arena

where measurement is so publicly played out

gdje se mjerenje tako javno odigrava

and where metrics are being used

i gdje se mjerila koriste

as a tool to improve standards and performance.

kao alat da bi poboljšala standard i izvedbu.

And it starts young.

A počinje vrlo rano.

Young people in America's big city high schools

Mladi u američkim srednjim školama u velikim gradovima

take some 112 mandatory standardized tests

rješavaju oko 112 obveznih standardiziranih testova

between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade.

između jaslica i kraja 4. razreda srednje škole.

No wonder young people report a strong need to strive,

Ne čudi da mladi iskazuju jaku potrebu da se trude,

perform and achieve at the center of modern life.

djeluju i ostvaruju u središtu modernog života.

They've been conditioned to define themselves

Uvjetovani su da se definiraju

in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.

u strogim i uskim terminima ocjena, postotaka i ljestvicama vodećih.

This is a society that preys on their insecurities.

Ovo je društvo koje vreba njihove nesigurnosti.

Insecurities about how they are performing

Nesigurnosti o tome kakva im je izvedba

and how they are appearing to other people.

i kakvi se čine drugim ljudima.

This is a society that amplifies their imperfections.

Ovo društvo uvećava njihove nesavršenosti.

Every flaw, every unforeseen setback

Svaka mana, svako nepredviđeno nazadovanje

increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else,

povećava potrebu za savršenijom izvedbom idući put, jer ste inače,

bluntly, you're a failure.

grubo rečeno, promašaj.

That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive --

Taj osjećaj da ste manjkavi i nedostatni je naročito prožimajući -

just talk to young people.

samo porazgovarajte s mladima.

"How should I look, how should I behave?"

"Kako bih trebao izgledati, kako da se ponašam?

"I should look like that model,

Trebao bih izgledati kao taj model,

I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer,

trebao bih imati followera kao taj Instagram influencer,

moram biti bolji u školi."

I must do better in school."

In my role as mentor to many young people,

Kao mentor mnogim mladima,

I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand.

vidim učinke perfekcionizma uživo, iz prve ruke.

And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly.

Jedan se učenik vrlo živo ističe u mom umu.

John, not his real name, was ambitious,

John je, ne pravim imenom, bio ambiciozan,

hardworking and diligent

vrijedan i marljiv

and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving,

te je na površini ostvarivao visoke rezultate,

often getting first-class grades for his work.

često dobivajući izvrsne ocjene za svoj rad.

Yet, no matter how well John achieved,

Ipak, koliko god izvrstan John bio,

he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures,

činilo se da uvijek preinačuje svoje uspjehe u bijedne neuspjehe,

and in meetings with me,

a na našim je sastancima

he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down.

otvoreno govorio o tome kako je iznevjerio sebe i druge.

John's justification was quite simple:

Johnovo je opravdanje bilo prilično jednostavno:

How could he be a success

kako bi mogao biti uspješan

when he was trying so much harder than other people

kad se trudio toliko više od drugih,

just to attain the same outcomes?

samo da bi postigao isti rezultat?

See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic,

Johnov je perfekcionizam, njegova stroga radna etika,

was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness

služio samo da bi otkrio ono što je on vidio kao svoju unutarnju slabost

to himself and to others.

sebi i drugima.

Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism

Slučajevi kao Johnov govore o štetnosti perfekcionizma

as a way of being in the world.

kakav postoji u svijetu.

Contrary to popular belief,

Suprotno općem vjerovanju,

perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks.

perfekcionizam nikad nije usavršavanje stvari ili usavršavanje zadataka.

It's not about striving for excellence.

Nije težnja za izvrsnošću.

John's case highlights this vividly.

Johnov slučaj to živo ističe.

At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self.

U svom izvoru, perfekcionizam je usavršavanje sebe.

Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.

Ili, točnije, usavršavanje nesavršenog sebe.

And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement

Možete o tome razmišljati kao o planini postignuća

that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling.

na koju, zbog perfekcionizma, zamišljamo da se uspinjemo.

And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit,

Mislimo u sebi: "Jednom kad stignem do tog vrha,

then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something."

tad će ljudi vidjeti da nisam manjkav i vrijedit ću nešto."

But what perfectionism doesn't tell us

No, perfekcionizam nam ne kaže

is that soon after reaching that summit,

da ćemo ubrzo nakon dostizanja tog vrha,

we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame,

biti opet pozvani na nove ravnice nesigurnosti i srama,

just to try and scale that peak again.

samo da pokušamo opet dosegnuti taj vrh.

This is the cycle of self-defeat.

To je ciklus samoporažavanja.

In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off.

U potrazi za nedostižnim savršenstvom, perfekcionist ne može samo odustati.

And it's why it's so difficult to treat.

Zato ga se teško liječi.

Now, we've known for decades and decades

Znamo već desetljećima

that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems,

da perfekcionizam pridonosi mnogim psihološkim problemima,

but there was never a good way to measure it.

ali nikad nije postojao dobar način da se to izmjeri.

That was until the late 1980s

Sve do kasnih 80-ih,

when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,

kad su dva Kanađanina, Paul Hewitt i Gordon Flett,

came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism.

došli i razvili mjeru samoprocjene perfekcionizma.

So that's right, folks, you can measure this,

Tako je, možete to mjeriti.

and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism.

U suštini, ta mjera obuhvaća tri temeljna elementa perfekcionizma.

The first is self-oriented perfectionism,

Prvi je perfekcionizam usmjeren prema sebi,

the irrational desire to be perfect:

iracionalna želja da budemo savršeni:

"I strive to be as perfect as I can be."

"Nastojim biti što savršeniji."

The second is socially prescribed perfectionism,

Drugi je društveno propisan perfekcionizam,

the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding:

osjećaj da je društveno okruženje pretjerano zahtjevno:

"I feel that others are too demanding of me."

"Osjećam da drugi previše zahtijevaju od mene."

And the third is other-oriented perfectionism,

A treći je perfekcionizam usmjeren prema drugima,

the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people:

nametanje nerealnih standarda drugima:

"If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."

"Ako zamolim nekoga da napravi nešto, očekujem da to bude savršeno."

Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism

Istraživanja pokazuju da su sva tri elementa perfekcionizma

associate with compromised mental health,

povezana s ugroženim mentalnim zdravljem,

including things like heightened depression,

uključujući pojačanu depresiju,

heightened anxiety and suicide ideation.

pojačanu anksioznost i suicidalne misli.

But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism

No, najproblematičniji element perfekcionizma

is socially prescribed perfectionism.

je društveno propisan perfekcionizam.

That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect.

Taj osjećaj da svi očekuju da budem savršen.

This element of perfectionism

Taj element perfekcionizma

has a large correlation with serious mental illness.

ima veliku korelaciju s ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima.

And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind,

S mojim današnjim naglaskom na savršenstvu,

I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.

zanimalo me mijenjaju li se ti elementi perfekcionizma.

To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations,

Do danas, istraživanja u tom području fokusiraju se na obiteljske odnose,

but we wanted to look at it at a broader level.

ali mi smo željeli promotriti širi kontekst.

So we took all of the data that had ever been collected

Tako smo uzeli sve podatke koji su prikupljeni

in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure,

u 27 godina otkako su Paul i Gordon razvili mjeru perfekcionizma

and we isolated the data in college students.

te smo izolirali podatke dobivene od studenata.

This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people

Ispalo je da ima više od 40 000 mladih

from American, Canadian and British colleges,

s američkih, kanadskih i britanskih fakulteta,

and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend.

a s toliko dostupnih podataka, potražili smo trend.

And in all, it took us more than three years

Trebalo nam je više od tri godine

to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers,

da usporedimo sve te informacije, napravimo izračune

and write our report.

i napišemo izvješće.

But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming.

Bilo je vrijedno toga jer je naša analiza otkrila nešto uznemirujuće.

All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time.

Sva su se tri elementa perfekcionizma povećala s vremenom.

But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.

No, društveno se propisan perfekcionizam najviše povećao.

In 1989,

Godine 1989.

just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels

samo je 9% mladih prijavilo klinički relevantne razine

of socially prescribed perfectionism.

društveno propisanog perfekcionizma.

Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations.

Te su razine tipične za kliničku populaciju.

By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent.

Do 2017. ta se brojka udvostručila na 18%.

And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested

A do 2050., predviđanja temeljena na modelima koje smo testirali

indicate that almost one in three young people

pokazuju da će gotovo jedan od troje mladih

will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.

prijaviti klinički relevantnu razinu društveno propisanog perfekcionizma.

Remember, this is the element of perfectionism

Podsjetnik, ovaj element perfekcionizma

that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness,

ima najvišu korelaciju s ozbiljnim mentalnim bolestima,

and that's for good reason.

i to iz dobrog razloga.

Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need

Društveno uvjetovani perfekcionisti osjećaju neprekidnu potrebu

to meet the expectations of other people.

da ispune tuđa očekivanja.

And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection,

A čak i ako ispune jučerašnja očekivanja savršenstva,

they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree

tada si podižu ljestvicu još i više,

because these folks believe that the better they do,

jer vjeruju da što bolje rade,

the better that they're expected to do.

od njih će se očekivati još i bolje.

This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.

To stvara dubok osjećaj bespomoćnosti i, još gore, beznađa.

But is there hope?

No, ima li nade?

Of course there's hope.

Naravno da ima.

Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things --

Perfekcionisti mogu i trebali bi držati do određenih stvari -

they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking.

obično su bistri, ambiciozni, savjesni i marljivi.

And yes, treatment is complex.

I da, liječenje je složeno.

But a little bit of self-compassion,

No, malo suosjećanja prema samima sebi,

going easy on ourselves when things don't go well,

blagost prema samima sebi kad stvari ne idu dobro,

can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success.

mogu pretvoriti te vrline u veći osobni mir i uspjeh.

And then there's what we can do as caregivers.

A možemo nešto učiniti i kao roditelji te skrbnici.

Perfectionism develops in our formative years,

Perfekcionizam se razvija u našim formativnim godinama

and so young people are more vulnerable.

tako da su mladi ranjiviji.

Parents can help their children

Roditelji mogu pomoći djeci

by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed.

bezuvjetno ih podržavajući kad ne uspiju u nečemu.

And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge

Mama i tata se mogu oduprijeti razumljivom porivu

in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent,

u današnjem visoko kompetitivnom društvu da budu previše zaštitnički nastrojeni,

as a lot of anxiety is communicated

jer se otkriva mnogo tjeskobe

when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.

kad roditelji shvaćaju djetetove uspjehe i neuspjehe kao vlastite.

But ultimately, our research raises important questions

Na kraju, naše istraživanje postavlja važna pitanja

about how we are structuring society

o tome kako strukturiramo društvo

and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing

te koristi li naglasak na natjecanju, procjeni i testiranju

is benefiting young people.

mladim ljudima.

It's become commonplace for public figures to say

Postalo je uobičajeno da javne osobe govore

that young people just need a little bit more resilience

da mladi samo trebaju malo više otpornosti,

in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures.

suočeni s novim i nadolazećim pritiscima.

But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue

No, ja vjerujem da tako peremo ruke od glavnog problema

because we have a shared responsibility

jer dijelimo odgovornost

to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection

da stvorimo društvo i kulturu u kojima mladi trebaju manje savršenstva

in the first place.

općenito.

Let's not kid ourselves.

Ne zavaravajmo se.

Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge,

Stvaranje takvog svijeta ogroman je izazov,

and for a generation of young people

a za naraštaj mladih

that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight

koji žive svoje živote neprekidno pod reflektorima

of metrics, lead tables and social media,

mjerenja, ljestvica vodećih i društvenih mreža,

perfectionism is inevitable,

perfekcionizam je neizbježan,

so long as they lack any purpose in life

sve dok im nedostaje neki smisao života

greater than how they are appearing

veći od toga kakvima se čine

or how they are performing to other people.

ili kakva im je izvedba pred drugim ljudima.

What can they do about it?

Što mogu učiniti u vezi toga?

Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop,

Svaki put kad su nokautirani s tog vrhunca,

they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again.

ne vide drugu mogućnost nego pokušati se opet uspeti.

The ancient Greeks knew

Stari su Grci znali

that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain

da ta beskrajna borba uz i niz istu planinu

is not the road to happiness.

nije put ka sreći.

Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus,

Njihova je predodžba pakla bio čovjek imenom Sizif,

doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill,

osuđen vječno nastaviti kotrljati istu stijenu uz brdo,

only to see it roll back down and have to start again.

samo kako bi se ona opet otkotrljala te kako bi morao početi opet.

So long as we teach young people

Dokle god učimo mlade

that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives

da ne postoji ništa stvarnije ili smislenije u njihovim životima

than this hopeless quest for perfection,

od te beznadne potrage za savršenstvom,

then we are going to condemn future generations

osuđujemo buduće naraštaje

to that same futility and despair.

na istu uzaludnost i očaj.

And so we're left with a question.

Ostaje nam pitanje:

When are we going to appreciate

kad ćemo shvatiti

that there is something fundamentally inhuman

da postoji nešto fundamentalno neljudski

about limitless perfection?

u neograničenom savršenstvu?

No one is flawless.

Nitko nije besprijekoran.

If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism,

Ako želimo pomoći mladima da izbjegnu zamku perfekcionizma,

then we will teach them that in a chaotic world,

naučit ćemo ih da će nas u kaotičnom svijetu

life will often defeat us, but that's OK.

život često poraziti, ali to je u redu.

Failure is not weakness.

Neuspjeh nije slabost.

If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare

Ako želimo pomoći mladima da prerastu samoporažavajuću klopku

of impossible perfection,

nemogućeg savršenstva,

then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.

odgojit ćemo ih u društvu koje je preraslo tu istu zabludu.

But most of all,

No, iznad svega,

if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional

ako želimo da mladi budu mentalno, emocionalno

and psychological health,

i psihički zdravi,

then we will invite them to celebrate the joys

pozvat ćemo ih da slave radosti

and the beauties of imperfection

i ljepote nesavršenstva

as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.

kao normalan i prirodan dio svakodnevnog života i ljubavi.

Thank you very much.

Puno vam hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)