Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse | Thomas Curran

譯者: Bruce Sung 審譯者: Marssi Draw

I'm a bit of a perfectionist.

（掌聲）

我有點太完美主義了。

Now, how many times have you heard that one?

這句話你聽過多少次了？

Over drinks, maybe, with friends, or perhaps with family at Thanksgiving.

也許是在跟朋友喝兩杯的時候， 或是跟家人過感恩節時聽到的。

It's everyone's favorite flaw,

這是每個人最偏愛的缺點。

it's that now quite common response

去求職面試，最後 被問到這個難題的時候，

to the difficult, final question at job interviews:

大家也常拋出這個答案：

"My biggest weakness?

「我最大的缺點？

That's my perfectionism."

那就是我太完美主義了。」

You see, for something that supposedly holds us back,

值得注意的是：儘管它算是個障礙，

it's quite remarkable how many of us are quite happy to hold our hands up

卻有這麼多人樂意舉手承認，

and say we're perfectionists.

說自己是完美主義者。

But there's an interesting and serious point

但有個有趣而又嚴肅的重點，

because our begrudging admiration for perfection is so pervasive

即是我們太充滿了對完美的欽羨，

that we never really stop to question that concept in its own terms.

而沒去質疑完美的真正涵義。

What does it say about us and our society

當我們和我們的社會 都在頌揚完美的時候，

that there is a kind of celebration in perfection?

這反映出了什麼？

We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth.

我們常會高舉完美主義 作為一種身價的表徵。

The emblem of the successful.

一種成功的象徵。

Yet, in my time studying perfectionism,

然而在我對於完美主義的研究裡，

I've seen limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.

我很少看到完美主義者 比較成功的例子。

Quite the contrary --

恰恰相反——

they feel discontented and dissatisfied

他們感到不滿、失望，

amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough.

始終擺脫不了自己不夠完美的感覺。

We know from clinician case reports

臨床病例報告顯示：

that perfectionism conceals a host of psychological difficulties,

完美主義掩蓋了許多心理問題，

including things like depression, anxiety, anorexia, bulimia

包括抑鬱症、焦慮、厭食、貪食，

and even suicide ideation.

甚至自殺念頭。

And what's more worrying is that over the last 25 years,

更令人擔憂的是在過去 25 年裡，

we have seen perfectionism rise at an alarming rate.

完美主義以驚人的速度上升。

And at the same time,

與此同時，

we have seen more mental illness among young people than ever before.

年輕人患精神疾病的也比以往更多。

Rates of suicide in the US alone

光是在美國，

自殺率在過去 20 年裡 便增加了 25％。

increased by 25 percent across the last two decades.

And we're beginning to see similar trends emerge across Canada,

在加拿大，以及在我的家鄉英國

and in my home country, the United Kingdom.

我們也開始看到類似的趨勢。

Now, our research is suggesting

我們的研究顯示：

that perfectionism is rising as society is changing.

隨著社會變遷，完美主義正在提升。

And a changed society reflects a changed sense of personal identity

一個變遷的社會， 反映出個人認知的改變，

and, with it, differences in the way in which young people interact

以及年輕人彼此之間

和他們與周遭環境之間 互動方式的改變。

with each other and the world around them.

And there are some unique characteristics about our preeminent, market-based society

我們這個卓越的市場導向社會 有一些獨特的特徵，

that include things like unrestricted choice

包括不受限的選擇，

and personal freedom,

和個人自由等。

and these are characteristics that we feel are contributing

而我們覺得恰恰是這些特徵

to almost epidemic levels of this problem.

助長了這個問題的氾濫。

So let me give you an example.

我來舉個例子。

Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life

今天的年輕人更專注於 實現完美的人生

和生活方式。

and lifestyle.

In terms of their image, status and wealth.

追求的是他們的外貌，地位和財富。

Data from Pew show that young people

皮尤研究中心的數據顯示：

出生於 1980 年代末的 美國年輕人裡，

born in the US in the late 1980s

are 20 percent more likely to report being materially rich

將追求物質財富列為 重要人生目標的比例，

as among their most important life goals,

比他們的父母、祖父母輩

relative to their parents and their grandparents.

還要高出 20%。

Young people also borrow more heavily than did older generations,

年輕人也比老一輩的人借貸得更多，

and they spend a much greater proportion of their income on image goods

他們的收入中有更大的比例 花在與外貌有關的商品上，

和炫耀身分地位的物件上。

and status possessions.

These possessions, their lives and their lifestyles

這些物件、他們的 日常生活及生活方式

are now displayed in vivid detail on the ubiquitous social media platforms

現在都鮮活地展示於無所不在的

Instagram、Facebook、 Snapchat 等社交媒體平台上。

of Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.

In this new visual culture,

在這個新的視覺文化中，

the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.

看起來完美，遠比現實更重要。

If one side of the modern landscape

如果現代生活的一面，

that we have so lavishly furnished for young people

是我們為年輕人勾畫的美景——

is this idea that there's a perfectible life

生活可以變完美、

and that there's a perfectible lifestyle,

可以有完美的生活方式，

then the other is surely work.

那麼它的另一面肯定就是工作。

Nothing is out of reach for those who want it badly enough.

只要你真心想要，沒有什麼做不到。

至少人家是這麼告訴我們的。

Or so we're told.

This is the idea at the heart of the American dream.

這是美國夢的中心思想。

Opportunity, meritocracy, the self-made person, hard work.

機會均等，能者多得， 白手起家，勤奮工作。

The notion that hard work always pays off.

也就是說努力不會白費。

And above all, the idea that we're captains of our own destiny.

更甚的是，相信我們是 自己命運的主宰。

These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status

這些想法，將財富、地位、外表

and our image with our innate, personal value.

與我們固有的個人價值連結在一起。

But it is, of course, complete fiction.

然而這完全是虛構的。

Because even if there were equality of opportunity,

即使機會均等，

the idea that we are captains of our own destiny

我們主宰自己命運的這種想法，

disguises a much darker reality for young people

向年輕人隱瞞了他們幾乎

that they are subject to an almost ongoing economic tribunal.

時時要受到經濟試煉的黑暗現實。

Metrics, rankings, lead tables

指標、名次、排名表

have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified

已成了評量好壞的標準，

and used to sort young people into schools, classes and colleges.

用來作分配年輕人到 學校、班級和大學的依據。

Education is the first arena

教育是第一個

where measurement is so publicly played out

公開做評量的競賽場，

and where metrics are being used

成績指標被拿來作為

as a tool to improve standards and performance.

提高標準和表現的工具。

And it starts young.

而且從小就開始了。

Young people in America's big city high schools

美國大城市的高中生

take some 112 mandatory standardized tests

從學前班到高三必須參加

between prekindergarten and the end of 12th grade.

多達 112 次的標準測試。

No wonder young people report a strong need to strive,

難怪現代生活中的年輕人

perform and achieve at the center of modern life.

覺得有去努力、表現 和達成目標的強烈需要。

They've been conditioned to define themselves

他們被教得只會拿嚴格而狹隘的

in the strict and narrow terms of grades, percentiles and lead tables.

分數、百分比和排名表來定義自己。

This is a society that preys on their insecurities.

這是一個會利用他們的 不安全感的社會。

Insecurities about how they are performing

他們對自己的表現

and how they are appearing to other people.

以及對別人如何看待自己 有著不安全感。

This is a society that amplifies their imperfections.

這個社會將他們的不完美放大。

Every flaw, every unforeseen setback

每一個缺點，每一次意料外的挫折，

increases a need to perform more perfectly next time, or else,

都讓人覺得下次需要做得更完美，

否則，不客氣地說，你就是沒用。

bluntly, you're a failure.

That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive --

那種自己有缺陷和不足的 感覺特別普遍——

just talk to young people.

跟年輕人聊聊就知道。

"How should I look, how should I behave?"

「我該怎麼打扮？我該怎麼表現？」

"I should look like that model,

「我應該妝扮得像那個模特兒​​，

I should have as many followers as that Instagram influencer,

我應該和那個 IG 網紅 有一樣多的粉絲，

I must do better in school."

我在學校必須表現得更好。」

In my role as mentor to many young people,

我輔導許多年輕人的時候，

I see these lived effects of perfectionism firsthand.

就目睹了完美主義的影響。

And one student sticks out in my mind very vividly.

我對某個學生的印象特別深刻。

John, not his real name, was ambitious,

約翰（假名）雄心萬丈，

hardworking and diligent

賣力又勤奮，

and on the surface, he was exceptionally high-achieving,

表面上看起來他成就非凡，

often getting first-class grades for his work.

成績常常是頭等。

Yet, no matter how well John achieved,

然而，無論約翰取得多大成就，

he always seemed to recast his successes as abject failures,

他似乎總是將自己的成功 視為可悲的失敗，

and in meetings with me,

而且在和我面談的時候，

he would talk openly about how he'd let himself and others down.

他毫不隱諱地談論他如何 讓自己和別人失望。

John's justification was quite simple:

約翰的理由很簡單：

How could he be a success

他比別人付出了更多努力

when he was trying so much harder than other people

也只達到和他們同樣的結果，

just to attain the same outcomes?

那怎麼能算是成功？

See, John's perfectionism, his unrelenting work ethic,

所以你們看，約翰的 完美主義和不懈的努力，

was only serving to expose what he saw as his inner weakness

就只向自己和他人暴露了

to himself and to others.

他自認為是內心的弱點。

Cases like John's speak to the harmfulness of perfectionism

像約翰這樣的例子， 說明了以完美主義處世

as a way of being in the world.

是有害的。

Contrary to popular belief,

與一般的看法相反，

perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks.

完美主義完全無關於 把事做完美或將物變完美。

It's not about striving for excellence.

它無關於對卓越的追求。

John's case highlights this vividly.

約翰的例子鮮明地展示了這一點。

At its root, perfectionism is about perfecting the self.

追根究底，完美主義 是為了完善自己。

Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.

或者更準確地說，是要 完善一個不完美的自己。

And you can think about it like a mountain of achievement

你可以把它想作一座成就的高山。

that perfectionism leads us to imagine ourselves scaling.

完美主義讓我們想像自己在爬山。

And we think to ourselves, "Once I've reached that summit,

我們會想：「只要我到達頂峰，

then people will see I'm not flawed, and I'll be worth something."

大家就會看到我是完美、 是有價值的。」

But what perfectionism doesn't tell us

然而完美主義沒告訴我們，

is that soon after reaching that summit,

一旦到達頂峰，

we will be called down again to the fresh lowlands of insecurity and shame,

它又會叫我們下山，回到 沒安全感又無顏面的新低地，

just to try and scale that peak again.

然後再重蹈登頂之路。

This is the cycle of self-defeat.

這是自我挫敗的循環。

In the pursuit of unattainable perfection, a perfectionist just cannot step off.

追求著無法達到的完美， 完美主義者就是無法脫困。

And it's why it's so difficult to treat.

所以很難治療。

Now, we've known for decades and decades

數十年來，我們早就知道

that perfectionism contributes to a host of psychological problems,

完美主義助長了許多心理問題，

but there was never a good way to measure it.

但是一直沒有好的方法去衡量。

That was until the late 1980s

直到 1980 年代末期，

when two Canadians, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett,

保羅．休伊特和戈登．弗列特 兩位加拿大人發展出一套

came along and developed a self-report measure of perfectionism.

完美主義自我檢測的衡量方法。

So that's right, folks, you can measure this,

沒錯，各位，你可以衡量完美主義。

and it essentially captures three core elements of perfectionism.

它基本上捕捉了 完美主義的三個核心要素。

The first is self-oriented perfectionism,

第一是自我取向的完美主義，

the irrational desire to be perfect:

追求完美的非理性慾望：

"I strive to be as perfect as I can be."

「我努力去做到盡善盡美。」

The second is socially prescribed perfectionism,

第二是社會取向完美主義，

the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding:

感受到社會環境的過分要求：

"I feel that others are too demanding of me."

「我覺得別人對我太苛求了。」

And the third is other-oriented perfectionism,

第三是他人取向完美主義，

the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people:

強加不切實際的標準於他人：

"If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."

「如果我要求某人做某事， 我期待完美無瑕的成果。」

Now, research shows that all three elements of perfectionism

研究顯示完美主義的三個元素

associate with compromised mental health,

都與心理不健康相關，

including things like heightened depression,

包括重度抑鬱，

heightened anxiety and suicide ideation.

重度焦慮和自殺念頭。

But, by far, the most problematic element of perfectionism

而問題最大的完美主義元素

is socially prescribed perfectionism.

是社會取向完美主義。

That sense that everyone expects me to be perfect.

那種每個人都期待我完美的感覺。

This element of perfectionism

這個完美主義的元素

has a large correlation with serious mental illness.

與嚴重精神疾病有很大的關係。

And with today's emphasis on perfection at the forefront of my mind,

再加上現今對完美的強調， 這一點是我最重視的，

I was curious to see whether these elements of perfectionism were changing.

我很好奇這些完美主義 元素是否隨時間在變。

To date, research in this area is focused on immediate family relations,

迄今這方面的研究 都專注於近親關係，

but we wanted to look at it at a broader level.

但是我們想在更廣泛的層面檢視它。

So we took all of the data that had ever been collected

所以我們拿了自保羅和戈登 發明完美主義檢測法以來

in the 27 years since Paul and Gordon developed that perfectionism measure,

27 年內蒐集的所有數據，

and we isolated the data in college students.

抽取出其中關於大學生的資料。

This turned out to be more than 40,000 young people

共有超過 40,000 名年輕人，

from American, Canadian and British colleges,

分別來自美國、 加拿大及英國的大學，

and with so much data available, we looked to see if there was a trend.

從這麼多的數據中，我們去 找看看是否有變化趨勢。

And in all, it took us more than three years

我們共花了三年多，

to collate all of this information, crunch the numbers,

彙整資料、計算數據，

並寫下報告。

and write our report.

But it was worth it because our analysis uncovered something alarming.

但這是值得的，因為我們的 分析揭露了令人警惕的事情。

All three elements of perfectionism have increased over time.

完美主義的三個因素都隨時間遞增。

But socially prescribed perfectionism saw the largest increase, and by far.

但社會取向完美主義 增加最多，而且最顯著。

In 1989,

在 1989 年，

just nine percent of young people report clinically relevant levels

僅有百分之九的年輕人

在臨床上有達到 社會取向完美主義的程度。

of socially prescribed perfectionism.

Those are levels that we might typically see in clinical populations.

那種程度在臨床上很常見。

By 2017, that figure had doubled to 18 percent.

到 2017 年，那個數字 已加倍至 18％。

And by 2050, projections based on the models that we tested

等到 2050 年，依我們 測試模型的預測

indicate that almost one in three young people

幾乎每三個年輕人中，

will report clinically relevant levels of socially prescribed perfectionism.

便有一個會有社會取向 完美主義的症狀。

Remember, this is the element of perfectionism

請記住，這個完美主義元素

that has the largest correlation with serious mental illness,

與嚴重精神疾病有最大相關性，

and that's for good reason.

而且那是有道理的。

Socially prescribed perfectionists feel a unrelenting need

社會取向完美主義者感到有種

to meet the expectations of other people.

要滿足他人期望的無止境需求。

And even if they do meet yesterday's expectation of perfection,

即使他們達到了昨天對完美的期望，

they then raise the bar on themselves to an even higher degree

他們今天又提高了 自己完美標準的門檻，

because these folks believe that the better they do,

因為這些人相信當他們做得越好，

the better that they're expected to do.

別人對他們的期望就越高。

This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness.

這釀成了深深的無助感， 甚至到了絕望的地步。

But is there hope?

但是還有希望嗎？

Of course there's hope.

當然有。

Perfectionists can and should hold on to certain things --

完美主義者可以 而且應該要堅持某些事情。

they are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking.

他們通常聰明、上進， 認真而且勤奮。

And yes, treatment is complex.

沒錯，要治療很複雜。

But a little bit of self-compassion,

但只要疼惜自己一點，

going easy on ourselves when things don't go well,

事情不順利時對自己寬容些，

can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success.

就能將這些特質轉化成 更多的內心平靜與成功。

And then there's what we can do as caregivers.

我們作為照護者也能幫助他們。

Perfectionism develops in our formative years,

完美主義在我們的成長階段中形成，

and so young people are more vulnerable.

因此年輕人更容易受害。

Parents can help their children

當孩子努力但失敗時，

by supporting them unconditionally when they've tried but failed.

父母可以無條件地支持他們。

And Mom and Dad can resist their understandable urge

在當今競爭激烈的社會中，自然 會有當「直升機父母」的衝動，

in today's highly competitive society to helicopter-parent,

但要去抗拒它，

as a lot of anxiety is communicated

因為要是做父母的 包攬了子女的成敗，

when parents take on their kids' successes and failures as their own.

便會把大量的焦慮傳到子女身上。

But ultimately, our research raises important questions

最終，我們的研究提出了

about how we are structuring society

關於我們的社會結構，

and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing

以及我們社會特別強調 競爭、評估和測試

是否有益於年輕人的重要問題。

is benefiting young people.

It's become commonplace for public figures to say

公眾人物常說

that young people just need a little bit more resilience

面對這些新的和前所未有的壓力，

in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures.

年輕人只需要更多韌性就行。

But I believe that is us washing our hands of the core issue

但我認為那是對於 核心問題撒手不管。

because we have a shared responsibility

因為我們首先

to create a society and a culture in which young people need less perfection

有共同的責任要去創造一個

年輕人無須太完美的社會和文化。

in the first place.

Let's not kid ourselves.

我們不要自欺欺人。

Creating that kind of world is an enormous challenge,

打造那樣的世界是個巨大的挑戰。

and for a generation of young people

這一代的年輕人

that live their lives in the 24/7 spotlight

一天 24 小時生活在

of metrics, lead tables and social media,

指標、排名和社交媒體的聚光燈下，

perfectionism is inevitable,

他們絕對逃脫不了完美主義——

so long as they lack any purpose in life

如果他們生活的目的，

greater than how they are appearing

就是在意外表，

or how they are performing to other people.

在意別人的看法。

What can they do about it?

他們能做些什麼呢？

Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop,

每次他們從山頂被打下來，

they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again.

除了再爬上去， 他們沒見到其他的選項。

The ancient Greeks knew

古希臘人知道

that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain

在同一座山不斷地上下掙扎，

絕非幸福之路。

is not the road to happiness.

Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus,

這是一幅煉獄圖：

doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill,

薛西弗斯注定要永遠 重複推那巨石上山，

看著它滾下山，然後又 重新開始的無止盡循環。

only to see it roll back down and have to start again.

So long as we teach young people

只要我們一直教年輕人

that there is nothing more real or meaningful in their lives

他們生活中最真實最有意義的事

than this hopeless quest for perfection,

便是去追求這無望的完美，

then we are going to condemn future generations

那麼我們將會讓未來的世代

to that same futility and despair.

都墮入同樣的徒勞與絕望。

And so we're left with a question.

所以我們得面對這個問題：

When are we going to appreciate

我們要何時才能認清

that there is something fundamentally inhuman

無限的完美

根本是不合人性的？

about limitless perfection?

No one is flawless.

沒有人完美無瑕。

If we want to help our young people escape the trap of perfectionism,

如果我們想幫助年輕人 逃出完美主義的陷阱，

then we will teach them that in a chaotic world,

我們就要教他們： 在這個混亂的世界裡，

生活往往會打敗我們，但那沒關係。

life will often defeat us, but that's OK.

Failure is not weakness.

失敗並不是弱點。

If we want to help our young people outgrow this self-defeating snare

如果我們想幫助年輕人擺脫

這個追求不可能的完美的自我陷阱，

of impossible perfection,

then we will raise them in a society that has outgrown that very same delusion.

我們就要讓他們在一個 沒有那種幻想的社會中成長。

But most of all,

最重要的是，

if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional

如果要我們的年輕人享有精神上、

情感上和心理上的健康，

and psychological health,

then we will invite them to celebrate the joys

那麼我們就要邀請他們一同慶祝

不完美的美與歡樂。

and the beauties of imperfection

as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving.

將它視為日常生活和愛中 正常又自然的一部分。

Thank you very much.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（掌聲）