To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others | Dean Furness

Transcriber: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

Translator: Emma Toft Reviewer: Anders Finn Jørgensen

It seems we have been measured almost all of our lives,

Det virker til at vi er blevet målt næsten hele vores liv,

when we are infants, with our height and our weight,

da vi var børn, med vores højde og vores vægt,

and as we grew it became our speed and our strength.

og da vi voksede op blev det vores fart og vores styrke.

And even in school there are test scores

Og selv i skole var der test resultater

and today with our salaries and job performance.

og i dag med vores løn og arbejdsydelse.

It seems as if those personal averages are almost always used

Det virker som om at de personlige gennemsnit er næsten altid brugt

to measure where we are in comparison to our peers.

til at måle hvor vi er i forhold til vores medmennesker.

And I think we should look at that a little differently.

Og jeg synes at vi skal kigge på det en smule anderledes.

That personal average is just that, it's something very personal

Det personlige gennemsnit er lige det, det er noget personligt

and it's for you,

og det er for dig,

and I think if you focus on that and work to build that,

og jeg tror at hvis du fokuserer på at forbedre det,

you can really start to accomplish some really amazing things.

kan du rigtig begynde at udrette nogle virkelig utrolige ting.

This idea started for me on a December evening in 2011.

Denne ide begyndte for mig på en December aften i 2011.

I had just stepped outside to do our evening chores

Jeg var lige gået ud for at lave aftenens pligter

to feed our horses.

for at fodre hestene.

I hopped into our tractor,

Jeg hoppede ind i traktoren,

and a few minutes later,

og få minutter senere,

a five foot tall, 700-pound bale of hay fell from the loader,

en 150 cm høj, 317 kilo tung høballe faldt fra læsseren,

crushing me in the seat of the tractor

og knuste mig under sædet på traktoren

and in the process shattering my T5 and T6 vertebrae.

og dermed knuste min T5 og T6 ryghvirvler.

I didn't lose consciousness,

Jeg mistede ikke bevidstheden,

but I felt this buzz throughout my body, and I knew what had happened right away.

men jeg følte en buzz gennem min krop og jeg vidste med det samme hvad var sket.

My hands were reaching for my legs,

Mine hænder rakte ud efter mine ben,

but my legs didn't recognize anything touching them.

men mine ben kunne ikke genkende at noget rørte dem.

And in fact, I couldn't feel anything from the center of my chest down.

Og, faktisk, kunne jeg ikke føre noget fra midten af mit bryst og ned.

So there I was, about 100 feet from the house,

Så der var jeg, omkring 30 meter fra huset,

with my arms wrapped around the steering the wheel,

med mine arme viklet omkring rattet,

trying to hold myself up, waiting for help.

for at holde mig oppe, ventende på hjælpe.

And unlike what you see in TV and the movies,

Og modsat hvad du ser på TV og i filmene,

as much as I tried to get the dogs to go to the house and get help --

så meget som jeg prøvede at få hundene til at hente hjælp --

(Laughter)

(Latter)

they just stared at me.

de stirrede bare på mig.

Well, 45 minutes later, my wife came home,

Nå, 45 minutter senere, kom min kone hjem,

and I heard her step out of the house

og jeg hørte hende gå ud af huset

and, like, normal, if I needed help, "Hey, do you need help?"

og, normalt, hvis jeg manglede hjælp, "Hej, mangler du hjælp?"

And I said, "Yes."

Og jeg sagde, "Ja."

And there was a brief pause and then I heard her yell,

Og der var en kort pause og jeg hørte hende råbe,

"Do you need 9/11 help?"

"Mangler du 112 hjælp?"

And again I yelled, "Yes."

Og, igen, råbte jeg, "Ja."

Well, not long after I was enjoying my very first helicopter ride

Nå, ikke lang tid efter, nød jeg min allerførste helikopter tur

all the way to the hospital.

hele vejen til hospitalet.

Now, the injury wasn't very dramatic or graphic.

Nu, skaden var ikke særlig dramatisk eller grafisk.

I simply broke a bone or two.

Jeg havde brækket en knogle eller to.

And in the process, I was told I'd probably never walk again.

Og i processen, blev jeg fortalt at jeg aldrig ville gå igen.

It became very normal for me to use a rope to sit up in bed,

Det blev normalt for mig at bruge et red for at sidde op i sengen,

because my abdominal muscles no longer work.

fordi mine abdomen muskler ikke længere virkede.

Or to use a board to slide out of bed into a wheelchair,

Og at bruge et bræt for at glide ud af sengen over i kørestolen,

or to even wait for people to reach things for me.

Eller at vente på at folk kunne nå ting for mig.

Everything that I had learned and had known about my height

Alt hvad jeg havde lært og havde vidst om min højde

and my strength and my balance and my mobility was blown away.

og min styrke og min balance og min mobilitet var blæst væk.

My entire personal average had been reset.

Mit personlige gennemsnit var nulstillet.

Now you could be sure in those days I was being measured more than ever,

Nu, du kan være helt sikker at i de dage blev jeg målt mere end nogensinde,

by the doctors and nurses for sure

af læger og sygeplejersker

but maybe more so in my own mind,

men måske mere i mit eget hoved,

and I found myself comparing

og jeg fandt mig selv sammenligne

what I thought I was going to be able to do going forward

hvad jeg troede jeg ville kunne gøre i fremtiden

with what I once was able to do.

med hvad jeg engang kunne gøre.

And I became pretty frustrated.

Og jeg blev ret frustreret.

It took some very consistent prodding from my wife, who kept saying,

Det tog en del konstant pres fra min kone, som blev ved med at sige,

"Get your eyes up," before I could get moving forward.

"Slå dine øjne op," før jeg begyndte at rykke fremad.

And I soon realized that I almost had to forget about the person I was before

Og jeg indså hurtigt at jeg blev nødt til at glemme personen jeg var før

and the things I was able to do before.

og de ting jeg kunne gøre.

I almost had to pretend it was never me.

Jeg skulle lade som om det ikke var mig.

And I'm afraid if I had not made that realization,

Og jeg er bange for at havde jeg ikke indset det,

my frustration would have turned into something much harder to recover from.

ville min frustration være blevet meget sværere at genkomme sig fra.

Now, luckily, a few weeks later,

Men, heldigvist, et par uger senere,

I was transferred to a specialty spinal cord rehab hospital

blev jeg overflyttet til et specielt rygmarvsskade hospital

about 10 hours from home, and wouldn't you know,

omkring 10 timer hjemmefra, og du ville ikke tro det,

the first day of rehab and the first session

den første rehabiliteringsdag og første møde

we had something called fit class,

havde vi noget som hed fit class

and a group of us broke into teams

og en gruppe af os blev delt i teams

to see which team could do the most reps in the weight machine.

for at se hvilket team kunne lave flest gentagelser i vægt maskinen.

Now, we've all been there, haven't been to the gym in a year or two.

Nå, vi har alle været der, har ikke været i fitness i et par år.

Neither had I.

Det havde jeg heller ikke.

And so what do you do?

Og hvad gør du så?

You try to do what you did a couple of years ago,

Du gør hvad du kunne gøre for et par år siden,

and you do a couple of sets.

og du laver et par gentagelser.

And then what do you do? A couple more.

Og hvad gør du så? Et par mere.

And you're feeling even better, so you do more.

Og du har det godt, så du laver flere.

And the next two weeks you complain to your family about how sore you are.

Og over de næste to uger klager du til din familie om hvor øm du er.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Well, my team went all out and we won, we won big,

Nå, mit team gik all out og vi vandt, vi vandt stort,

and for the next three days I could not straighten my arms,

og over de næste tre dage kunne jeg ikke strække mine arme,

which isn't that big a deal except when you're in a wheelchair

hvilket ikke er et stort problem medmindre du bruger kørestol

and that's really what you have to use to get around.

og det er hvad du skal bruge for at komme rundt.

And that proved to be a very important lesson for me.

Og det blev en meget vigtig lektion for mig.

It was one thing that I couldn't compare myself to myself,

Det var en ting at jeg ikke kunne sammenligne mig selv med mig selv,

but even around people in the same situation in that hospital,

men selv omkring mennesker i samme situation i det hospital,

I found that I couldn't try to keep pace or set pace with them as well,

fandt jeg at jeg ikke kunne følge med eller sætte tempo med dem også,

and I was left with really only one choice

og jeg havde egentlig kun et valg

and that was to focus on who I was at that point in time

og det var at fokusere på hvem jeg var i det øjeblik

with where I needed to go and to get back to who I needed to be.

med hvor jeg skulle hen og vende tilbage til hvem jeg ville være.

For the next six weeks, for seven to eight hours a day,

Over de næste 6 uger, mellem 7 og 8 timer om dagen,

that's what I did.

var det hvad jeg gjorde.

I built little by little,

Jeg byggede lidt efter lidt,

and, as you might expect,

og, som du måske forventer,

when you're recovering from a spinal cord injury,

når du kommer dig fra en rygmarvsskade,

you're going to have a bad day.

du får nogle dårlige dage.

You might have a few in a row.

Du får måske nogle i streg.

What I found out is that good and bad really didn't have a lot of meaning

Hvad jeg lærte var at god eller dårlig egentlig ikke havde en betydning

unless I had the context of knowing what my average was.

medmindre jeg havde konteksten med at vide hvad mit gennemsnit var.

It was really up to me to decide if something was bad or good

Det var op til mig at bestemme om noget var godt eller dårligt

based on where I was at that point in time,

baseret på hvor jeg var i det øjeblik,

and it was in my control to determine if it really was a bad day.

og det var i min kontrol at bestemme om det så var en dårlig dag.

In fact, it was my decision on whether or not I could stop

Faktisk, var det min beslutning om jeg kunne stoppe

a streak of bad days.

en stribe af dårlige dage.

And what I found during that time away from home

Og hvad jeg lærte gennem denne tid hjemmefra

is I never had a bad day, even with everything going on.

var at jeg aldrig har en dårlig dag selv med alt der foregår.

There were parts of my day that were certainly not as pleasant

Der var dele af min dag som helt klart ikke var så rare

as they could be,

som de kunne være,

but it was never an entirely bad day.

men det var aldrig en helt dårlig dag.

So I'm guessing that all of you have been through a meeting

Så jeg gætter på at I alle har siddet gennem et møde

that probably didn't go very well,

som ikke gik helt så godt,

or a commute that wasn't as great as you would like it,

eller en pendling som ikke var gået som du havde tænkt,

or even burned dinner at night.

eller også brændt aftensmaden på.

Did those things really ruin your entire day?

Ødelagde disse ting virkelig hele din dag?

What I found in those scenarios is the quicker you move on to what's next,

Hvad jeg lærte fra de scenarier var at jo hurtigere du kommer videre,

the quicker you can start attacking things.

jo hurtigere kan du begynde at angribe ting.

And by moving on to next as fast as possible,

Og ved at komme videre så hurtigt som muligt,

you shrink the time you spend in those bad scenarios

minimerer du tiden du bruger i de dårlige scenarier

and it gives more time for the good.

og giver mere tid til det gode.

And, as a result, the good outweighs the bad,

Og, som result, opvejer det gode det dårlige,

your average increases and that's just how the math works.

dit gennemsnit stiger og det er sådan matematikken virker.

It didn't matter to me if I'd spent the morning

Det betød ikke noget for mig hvis jeg brugte morgenen

really struggling with my medication,

på at virkelig kæmpe med medicinen,

or at lunch my legs being very spastic,

eller til frokost havde spastiske ben,

or even if I had fallen out of my wheelchair.

eller selv hvis jeg var faldet ud af min kørestol.

Ask my wife. It happens quite often.

Spørg min kone. Det sker ret tit.

She's here.

Hun er her.

They were just small parts of my day and small parts of my average.

De var små dele af min dag og små dele af mit gennemsnit.

And so, in the months and years that followed,

Og så, i månederne og årene der følgede,

I continued to try to attack things in that way,

fortsatte jeg med at angribe tingene på den måde,

and before I knew it I was being presented with some pretty incredible challenges,

og før jeg vidste det, fik jeg præsenteret nogle ret fantastiske udfordringer,

like completing a marathon in a wheelchair.

som at fuldføre et maraton i en kørestol.

In early 2016, I met my physical therapist,

I tidligt 2016, mødte jeg min fysioterapeut,

and after a few really grueling sessions, she must have sensed something,

og efter få meget opslidende timer, må hun have mærket noget,

because she pulled me aside and said, "You know, you should do a half marathon.

fordi hun trak mig til side og sagde, "Du ved, du burde løbe et halvmaraton.

In your wheelchair. And, oh yeah, it's in 10 weeks."

I din kørestol. Og, når ja, det er om 10 uger."

And I thought in my mind, "You're crazy." I didn't have a workout plan.

Og jeg tænkte i mit hoved, "Du er skør." Jeg havde ikke en træningsplan.

I didn't have any way of knowing how fast I needed to go

Jeg havde ikke nogen måde at vide hvor hurtigt jeg skulle være

or how far I was supposed to go.

eller hvor langt jeg skulle gå.

But I simply got to work,

Men jeg begyndte at træne,

and I started tracking every workout, every day,

Og jeg skrev ned hver træning, hver dag,

and I simply wanted to be as good as or as fast as I was the prior day.

og jeg ville bare gerne være lige så god eller hurtigt som jeg var dagen før.

And in the end I really created that average for myself

Og til sidst skabte jeg virkelig mit eget gennemsnit

and I tried to build on that as much as I could.

og jeg forsøgte at bygge på det så meget som jeg kunne.

Well, I finished that race right in time with what my average should have been,

Nå, jeg færdiggjorde løbet i tids med hvad mit gennemsnit skulle have været,

and somewhere along the way

og et sted hen ad vejen

I kind of closed the door on who I once was.

havde jeg på en måde lukket døren til hvem jeg engang var.

That person who I was before

Den person jeg var før

and all those things I thought I was able to do really didn't matter.

og alle de ting jeg troede jeg kunne gøre var ikke vigtige.

In fact, walking again really didn't matter.

Faktisk, at gå igen betød ikke rigtig noget.

It became much less of a goal for me in terms of where I was going to go.

Det blev et mindre mål for mig i forbindelse med hvor jeg var på vej hen.

And besides, like, you guys are so slow when you walk.

Og udover, jamen, I er så langsomme når I går.

In crowds like this, it is so difficult.

I grupper som dette, det er så svært.

I'm like, "Get out of the way. We're going places."

Jeg er ligesom, "Kom ad vejen. Vi skal steder hen."

(Laughter)

(Latter)

And all I wanted to do was go fast.

Og alt jeg ville var at køre stærkt.

And so I did what I thought I should do.

Og så gjorde jeg det jeg mente jeg skulle.

I started researching wheelchair racing.

Jeg begyndte at undersøge kørestolskapløb.

And I went online and I found the best of the best,

Og jeg gik online og jeg fandt det bedste af alt,

I learned their technique, I learned about the equipment,

Jeg lærte deres teknik, jeg lærte om udstyret,

and I was lucky to have a coach that offered me a way to get started.

og jeg var heldig nok til at have en træner der tilbød en måde at starte på.

And after talking with him

Og efter at snakket med ham

and having him help me get those things underway,

og have ham hjælpe mig med at få de ting underbejs

as I was leaving, he says, "You know, you should do the 2017 Chicago Marathon."

da jeg var ved at gå, sagde han, "Du ved, du skulle løbe 2017 Chicago maratonløbet."

And he's the coach, I can't tell him no.

Og han er træneren, jeg kan ikke sige nej.

So with that guidance, I went back home, and I got to work,

Så med den vejledning, tog jeg hjem, og begyndte arbejdet,

much like in the prior way.

meget ligesom sidste gang.

And I continued researching, but I had learned my lesson.

Og jeg blev ved med at læse, med jeg havde lært lektien.

I was really careful not to compare

Jeg var forsigtig ikke at sammenligne

with how accomplished those people on the internet were

med hvor dygtige de mennsker på internettet var

and how fast they were,

og hvor hurtige de var,

because if I had, I probably never would have continued

fordi, hvis jeg havde, kunne jeg aldrig have fortsat

going through with it.

med at gennemføre det.

Well, the weekend of the race arrived,

Nå, weekenden med løbet ankom,

and it was just like going to college for the first time.

og der var ligesom at starte på universitet første gang.

You're dumped off,

Du bliver sat af,

there's a whole bunch of people around you,

der er en masse mennesker omkring dig,

you don't really know very many of them,

du kender ikke rigtig nogle af dem,

somebody's got the cool stereo and the cool TV

nogle har et sejt stereoanlæg og det seje TV

and they're smart and they're pretty and they're cute and they're handsome

og de er kloge og de er pæne og de er søde og de er flotte

and you don't know if you really belong.

og du ved ikke om du virkelige høre til.

But then somebody says, "Hey, let's go get food."

Men så siger nogen, "Hej, lad os få noget mad."

And all of a sudden, that friend group happens

Og lige pludselig, den vennegruppe dannes

and you start to settle in.

og du begynder at passe ind.

Well, that weekend of the race,

Nå, den weekend med løbet,

we had a meeting called the Wheelers Meeting,

vi havde et møde kaldet Hjulenes Møde,

and there were 60 wheelchairs in that room the night before the race.

og der var 60 kørestole i rummet natten før løbet.

And wouldn't you know it,

Og du ville ikke gætte det,

all of the people that I had been researching were there,

alle de mennesker jeg havde læst om var til stede,

the best in the world.

de bedste i verden.

There must have been over 50 Paralympic medals in the room that day.

Der må have været over 50 Paralympiske medaljer i rummet den dag.

And I felt pretty small and I fell back into that trap of comparing myself.

Og jeg følte mig ret lille og faldt ned i den fælde om at sammenligne mig selv.

I knew that my averages that I had been tracking during my workouts

Jeg vidste at det gennemsnit jeg havde holdt øje med gennem min træning

were over 90 seconds slower per mile than theirs.

var over 90 sekunder langsommere per mil end deres.

And the coach was the only one there that I knew,

Og træneren var den eneste jeg kendte der,

and he reached out and noticed something, and I think he sensed my anxiety,

og han rakte ud og lagde mærke til noget, og jeg tror han mærkede min angst,

and he invited me to get food with his team.

og han inviterede mig med til at få noget mad med hans hold.

And with that, everything settled down.

Og derefter, alt slog sig til ro.

I realized really quick that they didn't care about my average, surely,

Jeg indså hurtigt at de var ligeglade med mit gennemsnit, sikkert,

and I had forgotten about theirs.

og jeg havde glemt alt om deres.

Well that next day,

Nå, den næste dag,

I finished the race about 45 minutes after the person that won it.

Jeg færdiggjorde løbet omkring 45 minutter efter personen som vandt.

But as I was leaving, those new friends, who are very close today,

Men som jeg forlod løbet, de nye venner, som er tætte venner i dag,

challenged me to stay involved

udfordrede mig til at blive ved

and to keep working through different races and competitions.

og til at kæmpe gennem forskellige løb og konkurrencer.

And so I did what I knew how. I went home, and I got busy.

Og så gjorde jeg hvad jeg kendte. Jeg tog hjem, og jeg fik travlt.

Now, as you can imagine, being in a wheelchair,

Nu, som du kan forestille dig, at være i en kørestol,

let alone training for a marathon in a wheelchair,

bare det at træne til et maraton i en kørestol

is a pretty lonely thing.

er en ret ensom ting.

I have an incredible group of friends

Jeg har en fantastisk gruppe venner

that will ride bikes with me and keep track of pace and help me out.

som vil cykle med mig og holde øje med tempo og hjælpe mig.

But in the end, it's still five to six days a week,

Men i sidste ende, er det stadig 5 til 6 dage i ugen,

it's 50 to 60 miles of effort, and it's a lot of alone time.

det er 50 til 60 mil af indsats og det er meget tid alene.

And for the most part,

Og for det meste,

you really have nothing to rely on but yourself in those times.

har du ikke andet at stole på end dig selv på de tidspunkter.

It's my average, and I'm trying to get better little by little.

Det er mit gennemsnit og jeg prøver at blive bedre i små bidder.

Well, this fall I was in Chicago for the third time.

Nå, dette efterår var jeg i Chicago for tredje gang.

It was my seventh marathon,

Det var mit syvende maraton,

and just like going back to college for your junior year,

og ligesom at vende tilbage til universitet til dit sidste år,

you're anticipating catching up with friends

du forventer at mødes med vennerne

and getting excited about rolling right back into things.

og bliver spændt på at komme igang med alle tingene igen.

Well, I attended the same pre-race meeting and the same pre-race meal

Men, jeg deltog i det samme før-løbs møde og det samme før-løbs måltid

and caught up with those friends.

og mødtes med de venner.

And we lined up for the race,

Og vi gjordeos klar til løbet,

and right at the start, my average kicked in,

og lige i starten, slog mit gennemsnit ind

and before long I caught up with some of those friends

og inden længe var jeg kommet op til nogle af vennerne

and was able to keep pace with them and push together.

og kunne holde tempo med dem og løbe videre sammen.

But it wasn't long before I faded.

Men inden længe falmede jeg.

It just happened, and I found myself all alone again

Det skete bare, og jeg fandt mig selv alene igen

with really nothing to rely on other than what I had worked so hard to be at.

med intet andet at stole på end hvad jeg havde arbejdet så hård på at kunne.

But we turned into the wind at the halfway point,

Men vi fik modvind på halvvejspunktet

and my average became a strong advantage,

og mit gennemsnit blev en stor fordel,

and it wasn't long before I caught some of those friends

og inden længe kom jeg op til nogle at de venner

and passed them all the way to the finish.

og passerede dem hele vejen til målet.

And while I didn't set a personal record that day,

Og selvom jeg ikke fik en ny rekord den dag,

I did finish 30 seconds per mile faster than my prior Chicago times

blev jeg stadig færdig 30 sek p.m. hurtigere end min sidste Chicago tid

and just left myself pretty excited.

og det gjorde mig ret spændt.

And so this is me. This is my average.

Så det er mig. Det er mit gennemsnit.

Seventy-five days from today, I'll be in Boston for my second time.

75 dage fra nu, vil jeg være i Boston for anden gang.

I'm super excited about that.

Jeg er super spændt på det.

But keep in mind, this isn't really just about racing.

Men husk nu, det handler ikke om kapløbet.

I'm working really hard every day to be better in so many other ways,

Jeg arbejder virkelig hårdt hver dag for at blive bedre på mange måder,

a better parent, a better husband, a better coach, teammate, friend, person.

en bedre forældre, en bedre ægtemand, en bedre træner, kammerat, ven, person.

And I promise you, even though what you see here is very visible

Og jeg lover dig, selvom hvad du ser her er meget tydeligt

in terms of the challenges that I face,

i forbindelse med de udfordringer jeg har,

everybody here has something that they're fighting,

alle her har noget de kæmper med,

and it may be visible, it may not be,

og det er måske synligt, eller ikke,

but please, take some time and focus on you instead of others,

men vær sød at tage noget tid og fokuser på dig i stedet for andre,

and I bet you can win those challenges

og jeg vil vædde med at du kan slå de udfordringer

and really start accomplishing so many great things.

og virkelig begynde at opnå så mange utrolige ting.

Thank you.

Mange tak.

(Applause)

(Bifald)