How I made friends with reality | Emily Levine

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Yanyan Hong

I'm going to first tell you something that in my grandmother

我要先告訴各位一件事， 如果我祖母還在，

would've elicited a five-oy alarm:

她要是聽到這件事 肯定會發出五個「喲」的獨特感嘆：

"Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy."

「喲～喲～喲～喲～喲。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And here it is ... are you ready?

這件事就是…… 你們準備好了嗎？

OK.

好。

I have stage IV lung cancer.

我有第四期肺癌。

Oh, I know, "poor me."

喔，我知道，「我好可憐。」

I don't feel that way.

我沒有那樣的感覺。

I'm so OK with it.

我覺得還好。

And granted, I have certain advantages --

沒錯，我有一些優勢——

not everybody can take so cavalier an attitude.

不是每個人都能 採取無憂無慮的態度。

I don't have young children.

我沒有年紀還小的孩子。

I have a grown daughter who's brilliant and happy and wonderful.

我有個女兒，已經成年， 她很聰明、快樂，且美好。

I don't have huge financial stress.

我沒有很大的財務壓力。

My cancer isn't that aggressive.

我的癌症沒有那麼具侵略性。

It's kind of like the Democratic leadership --

就有點像是民主黨在領導——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

not convinced it can win.

不太肯定它能贏。

It's basically just sitting there,

基本上，它就是坐在那裡，

waiting for Goldman Sachs to give it some money.

等著高盛集團給它一些錢。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Oh, and the best thing of all --

喔，還有，當中最棒的是——

I have a major accomplishment under my belt.

我已經有了一個重大的成就。

Yes.

是的。

I didn't even know it until someone tweeted me a year ago.

連我自己也不知道， 直到一年前有人發推特訊息給我。

And here's what they said:

以下是他們說的：

"You are responsible

「你要為美國男性

for the pussification of the American male."

被娘娘腔化負起責任。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Not that I can take all the credit, but ...

我不敢說功勞全是我的，但……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But what if you don't have my advantages?

但，如果你沒有我這樣的優勢呢？

The only advice I can give you is to do what I did:

我能給予你的唯一忠告， 就是做我所做的：

make friends with reality.

和現實交朋友。

You couldn't have a worse relationship with reality than I did.

你和現實的關係不可能比我還糟。

From the get-go,

從一開始，

I wasn't even attracted to reality.

我甚至不太被現實吸引。

If they'd had Tinder when I met reality,

若在我遇見現實時就有 Tinder （常用在一夜情的社交軟體），

I would have swiped left

我就會立馬拒絕它，

and the whole thing would have been over.

我們的關係就此結束。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And reality and I --

而現實和我——

we don't share the same values, the same goals --

我們沒有相同的價值觀、 相同的目標——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

To be honest, I don't have goals;

老實說，我沒有目標；

I have fantasies.

我有幻想。

They're exactly like goals but without the hard work.

它們就像目標一樣，只是不用努力。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I'm not a big fan of hard work,

我不太癡迷「努力」，

but you know reality --

但，你知道現實——

it's either push, push, push, push, push

它就是不斷推、推、推、推、推，

through its agent, the executive brain function --

透過它的代理人，大腦執行功能——

邁向死亡的「好呀」之一：

one of the "yays" of dying:

my executive brain function won't have me to kick around anymore.

我的大腦執行功能不再讓我健在了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But something happened

但發生了一件事，

that made me realize

讓我了解到，

that reality may not be reality.

現實可能不是現實。

So what happened was,

發生的事情就是，

because I basically wanted reality to leave me alone --

因為我基本上希望現實走開 別管我，丟下我一個人就好——

but I wanted to be left alone in a nice house

但我希望被丟在一間很好的房子裡，

with a Wolf range and Sub-Zero refrigerator ...

裡面有頂級的廚具和冰箱……

private yoga lessons --

私人瑜伽課——

I ended up with a development deal at Disney.

我最後得到的是迪士尼的開發協議。

And one day I found myself in my new office

有天我發現我自己 坐在我的新辦公室裡，

on Two Dopey Drive --

位在 Dopey Drive 2號 （迪士尼路名）——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

which reality thought I should be proud of ...

現實認為我應該要以為此傲……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I'm staring at the present they sent me to celebrate my arrival --

我盯著他們為了慶祝我的到來 而為我準備的禮物——

not the Lalique vase or the grand piano I've heard of other people getting,

不是我常聽有人得到的 Lalique 花瓶或大鋼琴，

but a three-foot-tall, stuffed Mickey Mouse

而是三英呎高的填充米老鼠，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

with a catalog, in case I wanted to order some more stuff

附上一份型錄， 以免我還想訂購更多

that didn't jibe with my aesthetic.

和我美感不搭的東西。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And when I looked up in the catalog

當我翻閱著型錄

to see how much this three-foot-high mouse cost,

看看這隻三英呎高的老鼠要多少錢時，

here's how it was described ...

我看到它被這樣描述……

"Life-sized."

「實體大小」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And that's when I knew.

就在那時，我懂了。

Reality wasn't "reality."

現實並不是「現實」。

Reality was an imposter.

現實是個冒名頂替者。

So I dived into quantum physics and chaos theory

所以，我埋頭去讀 量子物理和混沌理論，

to try to find actual reality,

試圖找出真正的現實，

and I've just finished a movie --

且我剛完成一部電影——

yes, finally finished --

是的，終於完成了——

about all that,

內容就是那些東西，

so I won't go into it here,

在這裡我不打算談它，

and anyway, it wasn't until after we shot the movie,

總之，一直到我們 拍了那部電影之後，

when I broke my leg and then it didn't heal,

我弄斷了我的腳，它卻沒有復元，

so then they had to do another surgery a year later,

一年之後他們得要再做另一個手術，

and then that took a year --

那花了一年——

two years in a wheelchair,

共兩年坐在輪椅上，

and that's when I came into contact with actual reality:

那時我才接觸到了真正的現實：

limits.

限制。

Those very limits I'd spent my whole life denying

我一生都在否認、推開、

and pushing past and ignoring

忽視的那些限制，

were real,

都是真的，

and I had to deal with them,

而我得要處理它們，

and they took imagination, creativity and my entire skill set.

我用上了想像力、創意， 和我所有的技能，才搞定它們。

It turned out I was great at actual reality.

結果發現，我很擅長真正的現實。

I didn't just come to terms with it,

我並不是只順從忍受它，

I fell in love.

我陷入愛河。

And I should've known,

我早該知道的，

given my equally shaky relationship with the zeitgeist ...

畢竟我和時代精神的關係 也是一樣不穩固……

I'll just say, if anyone is in the market for a Betamax --

姑且這樣說，如果有人 想買 Beta 錄影帶——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I should have known that the moment I fell in love with reality,

我早該知道我愛上現實的那一刻，

the rest of the country would decide to go in the opposite direction.

全國其他人就會決定要朝反方向走。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I'm not here to talk about Trump or the alt-right or climate-change deniers

但我不是要來談川普、另類右派， 或否認氣候變遷的人，

or even the makers of this thing,

或甚至這個東西的製造者，

which I would have called a box,

我會把這個東西稱為盒子，

except that right here, it says,

可是就在這裡，寫著：

"This is not a box."

「這不是盒子。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

They're gaslighting me.

這對我來說真是精神虐待。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

But what I do want to talk about

但我想要談的，

is a personal challenge to reality

向現實做個人挑戰，

that I take personally,

我認為是針對我，

and I want to preface it by saying that I absolutely love science.

我想要先加一段序言： 我真的很愛科學。

I have this --

我有這種——

not a scientist myself --

我並不是科學家——

but an uncanny ability to understand everything about science,

但有一種不尋常的能力， 可以了解科學的一切，

except the actual science --

除了真正的科學——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

which is math.

也就是數學。

But the most outlandish concepts make sense to me.

但最古怪的概念對我來說是合理的。

The string theory;

弦理論；

the idea that all of reality emanates from the vibrations of these teeny --

概念是，所有的現實都來自 這些小東西的震動——

I call it "The Big Twang."

我稱之為「大撥弦聲」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Wave-particle duality:

波粒二象性：

the idea that one thing can manifest as two things ...

概念是，一樣東西可以 呈現成兩樣東西……

you know?

你們知道嗎？

That a photon can manifest as a wave and a particle

一個光子可以呈現成 一個波以及一個粒子，

coincided with my deepest intuitions

正好符合我最深的直覺，

that people are good and bad,

人是好的也是壞的，

ideas are right and wrong.

想法是對的也是錯的。

Freud was right about penis envy

佛洛依德對於 陰莖嫉妒的看法是對的，

and he was wrong about who has it.

但對於誰會嫉妒則是錯的。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And then there's this slight variation on that,

接著，還有個稍微不同的版本，

which is reality looks like two things,

就是現實看起來像是兩樣東西，

but it turns out to be the interaction of those two things,

但結果卻是那兩樣東西的交互作用，

like space -- time,

比如空間——時間，

mass -- energy

質量——能量，

and life and death.

還有生——死。

So I don't understand --

所以，我不了解——

I simply just don't understand

我就是不了解

the mindset of people who are out to "defeat death" and "overcome death."

想要去「打敗死亡」 和「克服死亡」的人是什麼心態。

How do you do that?

怎麼辦得到？

How do you defeat death without killing off life?

你要如何打敗死亡但不要殺死生命？

It doesn't make sense to me.

這對我來說並不合理。

I also have to say,

我也得要說，

I find it incredibly ungrateful.

我覺得這樣很忘恩負義。

I mean, you're given this extraordinary gift --

我是指，得到了這樣非凡的禮物——

life --

生命——

but it's as if you had asked Santa for a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow

但就好像你向聖誕老人許願要 勞斯萊斯 Silver Shadow 車

and you had gotten a salad spinner instead.

卻得到了一個沙拉脫水器。

You know, it's the beef --

你知道的，牢騷在於——

the beef with it is that it comes with an expiration date.

牢騷在於它也帶有有效期限。

Death is the deal breaker.

死亡是交易中不能通融的條件。

I don't get that.

我不懂。

I don't understand --

我不了解——

to me, it's disrespectful.

對我來說，那是失禮的。

It's disrespectful to nature.

對大自然的失禮。

The idea that we're going to dominate nature,

認為我們要支配大自然，

we're going to master nature,

我們要掌管大自然，

nature is too weak to withstand our intellect --

大自然太弱，無法承受 我們的智慧——

no, I don't think so.

不，我不這麼認為。

I think if you've actually read quantum physics as I have --

我認為，如果你有真的 跟我一樣去讀量子物理——

well, I read an email from someone who'd read it, but --

嗯嗯，我讀了一封電子郵件， 寄件者有讀過它，但——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You have to understand

你得要了解，

that we don't live in Newton's clockwork universe anymore.

我們不再生活在 牛頓的規律宇宙中了。

We live in a banana peel universe,

我們生活在一個香蕉皮的宇宙中，

and we won't ever be able to know everything

我們不可能知道一切，

or control everything

或控制一切，

or predict everything.

或預測一切。

Nature is like a self-driving car.

大自然就像自動駕駛的車。

The best we can be is like the old woman in that joke --

我們能做到最好的狀況就是 像那個笑話中的老女人——

I don't know if you've heard it.

不知道你們是否有聽過那笑話。

An old woman is driving

一個老女人在開車，

with her middle-aged daughter in the passenger seat,

乘客座位上的是她的中年女兒，

and the mother goes right through a red light.

媽媽直接闖過一個紅燈。

And the daughter doesn't want to say anything that makes it sound like,

女兒並不想說出聽起來像這樣的話：

"You're too old to drive,"

「你太老了，不該開車。」

so she didn't say anything.

所以她什麼也沒說。

And then the mother goes through a second red light,

接著，媽媽闖了第二個紅燈，

and the daughter, as tactfully as possible,

女兒盡可能圓融地說：

says, "Mom, are you aware

「媽，你知不知道

that you just went through two red lights?"

你剛闖了兩個紅燈？」

And the mother says, "Oh, am I driving?"

媽媽說：「喔，我在開車嗎？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So ...

所以……

and now, I'm going to take a mental leap,

我要做一個精神上的跳躍， 這對我來說很容易，

which is easy for me because I'm the Evel Knievel of mental leaps;

因為我是精神跳躍的 埃芙爾克尼芙爾（特技演員）；

my license plate says,

我的牌照上寫著：

"Cogito, ergo zoom."

「我思，故我跑得很快。」

I hope you're willing to come with me on this,

我希望你們願意 跟我一起來想想這件事，

but my real problem with the mindset that is so out to defeat death

但這種心態讓我覺得煩擾的 地方在於：去打敗死亡，

is if you're anti-death,

就好像你是「反死亡」的，

which to me translates as anti-life,

對我來說，等同你也反生命，

which to me translates as anti-nature,

對我來說，等同你也反大自然，

it also translates to me as anti-woman,

對我來說，等同你也反女性，

because women have long been identified with nature.

因為長久以來女性一直 被認為等同於大自然。

And my source on this is Hannah Arendt,

這項資訊的來源是漢娜鄂蘭，

the German philosopher who wrote a book called "The Human Condition."

她是名德國哲學家， 寫了一本書叫做《人的境況》。

And in it, she says that classically,

在書中，她說，就古典主義來說，

work is associated with men.

工作和男性有關聯。

Work is what comes out of the head;

工作是從「頭」產生出來的；

it's what we invent,

工作是我們發明的東西，

it's what we create,

是我們創造的東西，

it's how we leave our mark upon the world.

是我們在這個世界上 留下痕跡的方式。

Whereas labor is associated with the body.

而勞務則是和身體有關。

It's associated with the people who perform labor

它和執行勞務的人有關，

or undergo labor.

或承受勞務的人。

So to me,

所以，對我來說，

the mindset that denies that,

否認這一點的心態，

that denies that we're in sync with the biorhythms,

否認我們和生物節律， 宇宙生物周期的

the cyclical rhythms of the universe,

循環節奏同步的心態，

does not create a hospitable environment for women

並不會為女性 或和勞務相關的人創造出

or for people associated with labor,

一個友好的環境，

which is to say,

所謂勞務相關的人

people that we associate as descendants of slaves,

就是我們認為 和奴隸後裔有關的人，

or people who perform manual labor.

或是進行人工勞務工作的人。

So here's how it looks from a banana-peel-universe point of view,

所以，從香蕉皮宇宙的觀點， 從我的心態，也就是我所謂的

from my mindset, which I call "Emily's universe."

「艾蜜莉的宇宙」， 所看到的樣子是這樣的。

First of all,

首先，

I am incredibly grateful for life,

我對於生命充滿感激，

but I don't want to be immortal.

但我不想要永生。

I have no interest in having my name live on after me.

我對於死後讓我的名字 流傳下去，並不感興趣。

In fact, I don't want it to,

事實上，我不希望如此，

because it's been my observation

因為我觀察發現，

that no matter how nice and how brilliant

不論你有多好、多聰明、

or how talented you are,

多有才華，

50 years after you die, they turn on you.

在你死後五十年， 他們都會反過來咬你一口。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I have actual proof of that.

我有真正的證據證明這一點。

A headline from the Los Angeles Times:

洛杉磯時報的頭條寫著：

"Anne Frank: Not so nice after all."

「安妮法蘭克終究沒有那麼好。」 （二戰的受害人，安妮日記的作者）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Plus, I love being in sync

此外，我喜歡和宇宙的

with the cyclical rhythms of the universe.

循環節奏同步。

That's what's so extraordinary about life:

那就是生命的不凡之處：

it's a cycle of generation,

它是個循環：產生，

degeneration,

衰退，

regeneration.

再生。

"I" am just a collection of particles

「我」只是許多微粒的集合，

that is arranged into this pattern,

它們被排列成這個模式，

then will decompose and be available,

將來會被分解開，所有的構成成份

all of its constituent parts, to nature,

都會再次回到大自然中，可以再次

to reorganize into another pattern.

被用來組織成另一個模式。

To me, that is so exciting,

對我來說，這很讓人興奮，

and it makes me even more grateful to be part of that process.

這甚至讓我更感激， 能夠成為那過程的一部分。

You know,

你們知道的，

I look at death now from the point of view of a German biologist,

我現在從一位德國 生物學家的觀點來看待死亡，

Andreas Weber,

安德里亞斯韋伯，

who looks at it as part of the gift economy.

他把死亡看做是禮物經濟的一部分。

You're given this enormous gift, life,

你得到了這份大禮——生命，

you enrich it as best you can,

你就要盡可能活得充實，

and then you give it back.

因爲到底你還是得把它還回去的。

And, you know, Auntie Mame said, "Life is a banquet" --

你知道的，歡樂梅姑（電影） 說過：「人生是一場饗宴」——

well, I've eaten my fill.

嗯，我已經吃了我足夠的份。

I have had an enormous appetite for life,

我對於人生的胃口很大，

I've consumed life,

我吃完了生命，

but in death, I'm going to be consumed.

在死亡中，我將會被吃完。

I'm going into the ground just the way I am,

我將會以我的樣子回到土地中，

and there, I invite every microbe

在那裡，我邀請所有的微生物

and detritus-er

和岩屑，

and decomposer

和分解者，

to have their fill.

取用他們的份——

I think they'll find me delicious.

我想，他們會覺得我很可口。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I do.

真的。

So the best thing about my attitude, I think, is that it's real.

我想，關於我的態度， 最棒的一點就是，它是真實的。

You can see it.

你們可以看見它。

You can observe it.

你們可以觀察到它。

It actually happens.

它是真正發生的。

Well, maybe not my enriching the gift,

也許不是我充實了那份禮物，

I don't know about that --

我不確定那一點——

but my life has certainly been enriched by other people.

但我的生命肯定是 被其他人給充實了。

By TED,

包括 TED，

which introduced me to a whole network of people

它讓我認識了一大堆人，

who have enriched my life,

這些人充實了我的生命，

including Tricia McGillis, my website designer,

包括崔夏麥格里斯， 我的網站設計師，

who's working with my wonderful daughter

他和我那位很棒的女兒合作，

to take my website and turn it into something

把我的網站轉變成我只需要

where all I have to do is write a blog.

去寫網誌就夠了的地方。

I don't have to use the executive brain function ...

我不需要去使用大腦執行功能……

Ha, ha, ha, I win!

哈哈哈，我贏了！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I am so grateful to you.

我也很感謝你們。

I don't want to say "the audience,"

我並不想用「觀眾」這個詞，

because I don't really see it as we're two separate things.

因為我並不覺得 我們是兩樣分開的東西。

I think of it in terms of quantum physics, again.

我再次用量子物理的角度來思考。

And, you know, quantum physicists are not exactly sure what happens

你們知道的，量子物理 並不能完全肯定

當波變成微粒時會發生什麼事。

when the wave becomes a particle.

There are different theories --

有不同的理論——

the collapse of the wave function,

波函數坍塌、

退相干——

decoherence --

但這些理論都有個共同點：

but they're all agreed on one thing:

現實透過交互作用才存在。

that reality comes into being through an interaction.

(Voice breaking) So do you.

（聲音斷續）各位也是。

And every audience I've ever had,

我曾經遇見的所有的觀眾也是，

past and present.

過去的和現在的都是。

Thank you so much for making my life real.

謝謝你們讓我的人生變真實。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝你們。