What I've learned about parenting as a stay-at-home dad | Glen Henry

翻译人员: yong lu 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

Alright, I want to tell you how I got my superpowers through fatherhood.

好了，我来分享一下我如何 通过父亲的角色获得超能力的。

I was working a job I hated, OK?

我曾经从事一份并不喜欢的工作。

And I don't know if anyone here ever worked a job they hated.

我不知道在座各位 有没有做过自己讨厌的工作。

Has anyone here ever worked a job they hated?

有人讨厌自己做过的工作吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

OK, good, because I'm not alone

好，不错，看来我并不孤单

and I have something to confess; I don't want you guys to judge me.

我有些事需要坦白； 我不要你们来评判我。

This feels like a safe space, is it a safe space?

这里感觉还算安全， 这是一个安全的地方吧？

听众：是啊。

好吧，我曾经讨厌我的工作，

Audience: Yes.

Glen Henry: OK, I was working the job I hated,

我和我的领导合不来。

my manager and I were not getting along.

当时我坐在车里， 看着后视镜，

I was sitting in my car, looking in the rearview mirror,

trying to figure out which friend I could call

想着能打电话给哪个哥们

to call in a bomb threat,

帮我打一个炸弹恐吓电话，

so I didn't have to go back in the building.

这样我就不用再回到办公楼里了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

OK, this was having a lot of issues for me,

确实，我有很多问题，

I was having a lot of issues at my job

在工作上遇到了大麻烦，

and I'd come home every day from work

以至于每天我下班回家

and my wife would ask me the same question.

我老婆都会问我同样的问题。

And when you hate your job,

如果你讨厌自己的工作，

this is the worst question anyone could ask you.

这就是任何人都会问的 最糟糕的问题。

She'd say, "Hey babe, how was your day?"

她说，“嗨，宝贝， 今天过的怎么样？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I'd say,

然后我说，

"Why you bringing up old stuff?"

“你怎么老是旧事重提？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I just left it, I don't want to think about that place again.

我刚回家 ， 我不愿再想工作的地方。

See, we were spending about 40 percent of my income on childcare.

我们差不多花费我收入的 百分之四十用于育儿。

We had one child.

我们有一个孩子。

And we were pregnant with our second child.

并怀着第二个孩子。

And we were trying to figure out how we were going to fix this whole thing

所以我们必须要想一想 如何解决将要面对的

经济上的所有问题，我老婆说，

of this money situation, and she said,

"Hey, babe, I've got a great idea."

“嗨，宝贝，我有一个好主意。”

I said, "What's up?"

我说，“啥事？”

She said, "I think you'd be a great stay-at-home dad."

她说，“我觉得你可以做一个 很棒的全职奶爸。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I was like, "Why would you say something like that?"

我说，“你怎么会这么说呢？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

She said, "Because babies like you."

她说，“因为小孩子喜欢你。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I was like, "No, they don't."

我说，“不，他们不喜欢。”

She was like, "No, they do like you.

她说，“不，他们喜欢。

And I think it would be great

我觉得这是个好主意

for our children to see what love looks like, coming from a father."

让我们的孩子感受到 来自爸爸的关爱。”

I was like, OK.

我说，好吧。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So, I had issues with this,

所以我又遇到问题了，

because I haven't seen a lot of stay-at-home dads before

因为我之前没怎么见过全职奶爸。

and I thought men would judge me, so get this, I said this --

我觉得男人可能会议论我， 想到这个，我就说 --

please don't be offended -- I said,

恕我冒犯 -- 我说，

"Uh, you know, that sounds boring.

“呃，你知道，这听上去很无聊。

And what do stay-at-home moms do all day, anyway?"

你说全职妈妈每天都干些啥？“

Audience: Ooh!

听众：哦！

She smiled at me a smile only a woman full of knowledge can smile

她冲我笑了笑， 这个笑容充满智慧

(Laughter)

（笑声）

and said, "Well, this should be easy for you.

说，“这对你来说应该很轻松。

And it will save us some money, it seems like a no-brainer."

并且会替我们省下一些钱， 对你来说带小孩又不废脑子。“

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Fast-forward six months,

半年之后，

I'd been a stay-at-home dad for about a week.

当我已经做了全职奶爸一周。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I was standing in my bathroom, looking into the mirror

我在卫生间里对着镜子。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

crying, tears --

哭着，泪流满面 --

(Laughter)

（笑声）

running all down my face.

泪流满面。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

My one-and-a-half-year-old was banging on the bathroom door --

一岁半的那个在砸卫生间的门 --

because I locked them out, you know --

因为我把他们关在外面， 你们懂的 --

(Laughter)

（笑声）

crying, tears running down his face.

哭得泪流满面。

And my newborn was in the bassinet, crying, tears running down his face.

刚出生的那个在摇篮里， 也哭得稀里哗啦。

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I said ...

我看着镜子里的自己，说……

"Which friend can you call to call in a bomb threat?

“你能打电话给谁 来一个电话炸弹威胁呢？

We've got to get out of here."

我们必须走出困境。“

(Laughter)

（笑声）

See, I had traded my manager for my children.

看见了吧，我把我的领导 变成了我的小孩。

I didn't know what I got myself into.

我真不知道我为啥这样。

I thought I knew everything about being a stay-at-home parent,

我以为我懂得怎么做全职奶爸，

and in fact, I knew nothing at all.

实际上，我一无所知。

Because even though my manager was --

因为，即使我的领导 --

well, at least my children were a lot cuter than my manager,

当然，至少我的孩子们 比领导可爱多了，

they were just as demanding.

他们都会一直提要求。

(Video) Child: Wipe my butt.

（视频）小孩：擦屁屁。

Papa, wipe my butt.

爸爸，擦屁屁。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Wipe my butt.

擦屁屁。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

GH: What had I gotten myself into?

我到底给自己惹了什么麻烦？

I thought I knew everything about being a stay-at-home parent --

我以为我已经懂了 怎么做一个全职父母 --

in fact, I knew nothing.

实际上，一无所知。

I thought that all I had to do was feed them,

我以为只要喂饱他们，

change their diapers, and they'd be fine.

换好尿布，他们就会好好的。

Like, I really thought that's it.

真的，我就是这么想的。

"Sesame Street" on TV, keep them distracted,

放个电视节目“芝麻街” 让他们分散注意力，

apple sauce in a bowl, milk in a bottle, they'd be fine.

一碗苹果酱，一瓶牛奶， 他们就会好好的。

But if you leave children alone,

但是当你把他们单独留着，

they'll get into just a little bit of mischief.

他们就会开始瞎胡闹。

(Video) Child: Hi.

（视频）小孩：HI.

GH: Where is the powder?

GH：爽身粉呢？

Child: I don't know.

小孩：不知道。

GH: Well, where did you put it, where did it --

GH: 说吧，把它放哪儿了，

Who did it?

谁干的？

Child 1: No, you did it! Child 2: No, you did it!

小孩1：不，你干的！ 小孩2：不，你干的！

Child 1: No, you did it! Child 2: No, you did it!

小孩1：不，你干的！ 小孩2：不，你干的！

(Laughter)

（笑声）

GH: You know what else I thought I knew about being a stay-at-home parent?

你们知道还有哪些全职育儿的体验吗？

I thought that all I had to do was take them to the park once a week,

我以为只要每周 带他们去一次公园就行了。

because if I took them to the park once a week, they'd be fine.

因为只要每周去一次， 他们就会好好的。

In fact, I knew nothing at all.

实际上，我一无所知。

OK.

好吧。

If you take kids to park every day then that means they get dirty every day.

如果你每天都带孩子去公园， 那就意味着他们每天都会弄的很脏。

If they got dirty every day, they need baths every day,

如果他们每天都很脏的话， 那他们就需要天天洗澡，

if they got baths every day --

如果他们每天都要洗澡 --

I just don't think you understand, see, having two kids under two,

可能你们不理解，这么说， 带着两个两岁以内的小孩，

you end up changing over 20 dirty diapers a day, OK.

每天差不多要换20多次尿布，

And if you give them a bath, that's just more nakedness.

如果你还要再给他们洗个澡， 他们几乎等于一直光着屁股。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And a higher probability of getting peed on,

而且很有可能被尿一脸，

and no one likes getting peed on, even if it's from a baby.

没人喜欢被尿到身上， 就算是小孩的尿。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I read this article by Father Lee

后来我读了一篇李神父的文章，

which cites a survey done by two detergent companies, Omo and Persil.

里面引用了一个调查问卷， 来自两个洗涤用品公司，Omo和Persil.

And they did this study and it said, that at two hours a day,

他们做了这个研究称， 囚犯每天放风呆在外面的时间

prisoners get more outside time than children.

比小孩都要多两个小时。

That convicted me and so we went outside.

看了这个之后，我给自己定个罪， 所以我就带孩子到外面。

(Video) (Music)

（视频）（音乐）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

GH: See, I knew nothing about being a stay-at-home parent,

所以说，我对做全职育儿一无所知，

and once I embraced the fact that I knew nothing,

而一旦我接受了，一无所知这个事实，

I began to learn from my new managers.

我开始从新的领导那里学习。

And I always was told

我总是被告知

that as a stay-at-home parent, you get no sleep.

做一个全职奶爸， 你连觉都没得睡。

Or as a parent in general, you get no sleep.

就算一般的父母， 你也不能睡个好觉。

But that's not true, because if you sleep when they do,

但并不是那样， 因为你可以在他们睡着时候睡觉,

you actually can get some sleep.

所以你实际上还是能睡会的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

You know what else I thought as a stay-at-home parent?

你们知道还有啥全职奶爸的体会吗？

I though I knew that the best way to teach kids right from wrong

我本以为教他们是非对错的最佳方式

was to discipline them,

是给他们定规矩，

because that would make sure they understood right from wrong,

因为规矩可以让他们理解对错，

the pain, the fear -- that would teach them.

知道疼了就会害怕 -- 下次就老实了。

But the truth is, the best way to teach my children right from wrong

但真相是，教他们对错最好的办法

is to teach them.

是去引导他们。

Take out a whiteboard and draw pictures and make connections

拿出小白板画一些图并且做连线游戏

that they can understand.

这样他们就明白了。

That was the best way.

这是最好的方式。

A lot of these images you're seeing are coming from my YouTube channel,

你们刚才看到很多场景 来自我的YouTube频道，

“父亲之信仰”

"Beleaf in Fatherhood."

我记录下做一个全职奶爸的遭遇。

I document the misadventures of being a stay-at-home dad.

一点也不完美， 只是说明我在努力尝试。

And it's not perfect, it's just showing that I'm trying.

And I'm not trying to be an example

我并不想要做一个模范

but just proof that it's possible for whoever else is doing this.

只是想证明其它人也可以做到。

You know what I also knew about being a stay-at-home parent?

你们知道做一个全职奶爸 我还有啥体会？

I knew that children needed love,

我知道孩子们需要爱，

but I just didn't know what love looked like.

但我只是不太懂该怎样爱。

(Video) (Music)

（视频）（音乐）

GH: It turns out putting diapers on your head

原来把尿布套在头上，

and play-fighting until the kids fall asleep

跟他们打闹游戏直到他们都睡着，

is a great way to love your kids.

这就是爱你的孩子的最好方式。

So, I was learning a lot,

所以，我学到了很多，

but it's not all fun and boogers, is it?

但带小孩不止是快乐和鼻涕， 不是吗？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I asked a group of stay-at-home parents what's the hardest thing,

我问了一组全职父母 什么是最困难的部分，

the thing they underestimated most about being stay-at-home parents,

哪些事情是他们低估了的，

and they said that the loneliness was one of those things.

他们说，孤单可能算其中的一个。

Not having someone else to talk to, feeling inadequate,

没人可以聊天说话， 感觉自己不完整，

feeling selfish for wanting me-time.

对需要自我时间感到自私。

And nursery rhymes suck.

还有儿童音乐听到吐。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Like, really, "Mary Had a Little Lamb" is cool the first couple of times,

真的，比如“玛丽有只小羊羔” 开头听几遍还不错的，

but after all these years on repeat,

但是这两年重复的放，

you wonder why Mary just ain't make herself a wool skirt

我就纳闷了，玛丽 为啥不给自己做一件羊毛衫

and have lamb chops, you know what I'm saying?

或者搞点小羊排啥的， 你们懂我说的把？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The one thing I underestimated most was the emotional fatigue.

我最低估的一件事 就是情感疲劳。

See, I was an artist, so I'd write songs for other artists.

其实，我以前是个艺术家， 我给其它艺人写歌。

Because that's how I made money from home.

这使我在家能赚钱养家。

But when you're with your kids all day, you become emotionally tired.

但是当你和孩子呆一整天， 你的情感会觉得很疲劳。

And that means all your creativity comes from your emotions,

就是你所有的创造力都来自于感情，

so you’re just tapped out, you're done.

现在情感的龙头关了，你完了。

So you become done with time.

你觉得被时间所困。

Nap time, time-tables, time-out, time like to cook,

瞌睡时间，时间表到时间了， 该是去煮饭的时间了，

with all types of time, you're just done.

你就是被各种时间所困。

You had no time for anything.

最终没有时间做出点啥来。

And some people are done with their spouse as a stay-at-home parent.

有的人因为全职育儿 毁掉了夫妻关系。

Because the spouse just doesn't get it.

因为另一半的不理解。

I was talking to a friend of mine, he said,

我和一个朋友聊天，他说，

"Man, I come home from work,

“哥们，我下班回家，

drawers are open, clothes hanging outside the drawers,

抽屉都开着，衣服 摊的到处都是，

the kids are still in their pajamas ...

孩子们还穿着睡衣……

And it can't be that hard to have dinner ready when I get home, right?"

我到家了连晚饭都没有准备，很难吗？”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Start to freak out, you know what I'm saying?

有点吓到我了， 你们懂我说的？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

He was trying to confide in me --

他觉得我是他一伙的 --

(Laughter)

（笑声 ）

I said, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

我说，“你压根不知道 自己在说些啥。“

(Laughter)

（笑声）

She wakes up every morning, tired from the night before,

她每天早上从 前一晚的疲惫中醒来，

baby attached to her breast, dropping this kid off at school,

婴儿还挂在她胸口， 送完这个去上学，

再带另一个去公园。

and taking this one to the park.

Laundry piles up to the skies,

要洗的衣服堆的比天高，

还要跟你妈打一小时电话

he has a conversation on the phone for an hour with your mom

讨论上帝该知道些啥，

about God knows what,

带你想养的狗去溜达……

takes the dog you wanted for a walk ...

（笑声）

(Laughter)

And nobody died, bro.

没有弄死任何东西，兄弟。

她让你的孩子活过了一整天， 这很困难的，好嘛。“

She kept your kids alive all day, that's hard."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I have become an advocate for stay-at-home parents.

我开始为那些全职父母发声。

Why?

为啥呢？

Because finally, I was standing in their shoes.

因为最终，我站在了他们的立场。

Because when you're standing in someone else's shoes,

因为当你站在别人的立场，

你会从不同的角度看待世界。

you see the world from a different perspective.

而当你开始跨出这几步， 就像婴儿蹒跚学步一样。

And when you start to take steps, it feels like baby steps, wobbling.

But then they turn into stomps.

但很快就像他们一样会跺脚。

And you start making footprints for the next generation to walk in.

你就会为下一代踩出脚印。

See, we're walking on a certain path, as parents.

明白了吗，作为父母 我们都会走这条路径。

We're all in this together.

我们都会走到一起来。

No one can deny that family is one of the biggest foundations

没人会否认，家庭是 我们每个人生命里

in anyone's life.

最大的那块基石。

And we're all walking on this path,

我们都在这条路径上走过，

and we're pulling these thickets out of the way, and these thorns,

我们会拨开树丛，斩除荆棘，

making it easier for the ones coming after us.

让后来者走得更轻松一点。

It turns out, parenting has a lot more to do with landscaping.

看起来，育儿的经验 更像是景观改造。

And learning.

更像是学习

More than teaching.

而非教导。

And the best thing to do is to show up for class.

最重要的是要出现在那里。

Be present is what I learned as a stay-at-home dad.

做一个全职奶爸 我理解了陪伴的力量。

And let your presence be a gift.

让陪伴变成给孩子们的礼物。

(Video) Shh.

（视频）嘘.

(Door unlocking)

(开门声)

Hi!

嗨！

(Children giggling)

（孩子笑声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

GH: This was me, coming home from tour one day.

这是有一天，我从外面回来。

I thought that the father was supposed to pursue the child.

我原来以为父亲会追着孩子跑，

But it turns out the father makes himself present.

而作为一个懂得陪伴的父亲。

And the children run after him.

孩子们会追随着他跑。

And that right there is a superpower.

这就是我说的超能力。

And that right there, my friends, is everything.

朋友们，它就是我们拥有的一切。

Thank you.

感谢你们。

(Applause)

（掌声）