What I've learned about parenting as a stay-at-home dad | Glen Henry

譯者: Helen Chang 審譯者: S Sung

Alright, I want to tell you how I got my superpowers through fatherhood.

我想告訴你們我如何 透過當父親而獲得超強的力量。

I was working a job I hated, OK?

當時我厭惡我的工作。

And I don't know if anyone here ever worked a job they hated.

不知道在座有沒有人 曾經從事他們厭惡的工作。

Has anyone here ever worked a job they hated?

有沒有人曾經從事厭惡的工作？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

OK, good, because I'm not alone

好，很好，因為我並不孤單，

and I have something to confess; I don't want you guys to judge me.

我有事要坦白，不想讓你們論斷我。

This feels like a safe space, is it a safe space?

這裡像是個安全的地方。 這地方安全嗎？

觀眾：是的。

Audience: Yes.

亨利：好，當時我厭惡我的工作，

Glen Henry: OK, I was working the job I hated,

我和上司處不來。

my manager and I were not getting along.

我坐在車裡，看著後視鏡，

I was sitting in my car, looking in the rearview mirror,

trying to figure out which friend I could call

試圖弄清楚我能叫哪個朋友

打電話恐嚇有炸彈，

to call in a bomb threat,

so I didn't have to go back in the building.

那我就不必再回到辦公室。

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

OK, this was having a lot of issues for me,

對我來說問題很多，

I was having a lot of issues at my job

我在工作中遇到很多問題，

and I'd come home every day from work

每天下班回家，

and my wife would ask me the same question.

妻子會問我同樣的問題。

And when you hate your job,

當你厭惡你的工作時， 這是被問的最糟糕問題。

this is the worst question anyone could ask you.

She'd say, "Hey babe, how was your day?"

她會問：「嘿，寶貝， 今天過得怎麼樣？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I'd say,

我會說：「你怎麼老是說同樣的話？」

"Why you bringing up old stuff?"

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I just left it, I don't want to think about that place again.

我剛剛離開，不願再想到那個地方。 （註：他的辦公室）

See, we were spending about 40 percent of my income on childcare.

我的收入約有 40％ 用在托兒上。

We had one child.

那時我們有一個孩子，

And we were pregnant with our second child.

懷了第二個。

And we were trying to figure out how we were going to fix this whole thing

我們試圖弄清楚如何解決錢的問題。

of this money situation, and she said,

她說：「嘿，寶貝，我有個好主意。」

"Hey, babe, I've got a great idea."

I said, "What's up?"

我說：「說來聽聽。」

She said, "I think you'd be a great stay-at-home dad."

她說：「我認為 你會是個很棒的留守父親。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I was like, "Why would you say something like that?"

我回她：「你為什麼這樣說？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She said, "Because babies like you."

她說：「因為寶寶喜歡你。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I was like, "No, they don't."

我說：「不，他們不喜歡。」

She was like, "No, they do like you.

她說：「錯了，他們喜歡你。

And I think it would be great

我認為這將會很棒，

for our children to see what love looks like, coming from a father."

讓我們的孩子享受父愛會很棒。」

I was like, OK.

我接受了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So, I had issues with this,

我有這問題，

because I haven't seen a lot of stay-at-home dads before

因為我以前沒見過幾個留守的爸爸，

and I thought men would judge me, so get this, I said this --

我以為男人會評判我，聽著，

please don't be offended -- I said,

──請不要被冒犯──我說：

"Uh, you know, that sounds boring.

「呃，那聽起來很無聊。

And what do stay-at-home moms do all day, anyway?"

而且，到底全職媽媽整天做些什麼？」

Audience: Ooh!

觀眾：哦！

She smiled at me a smile only a woman full of knowledge can smile

她微笑看著我，只有 充滿智慧的女人才有的那種微笑，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

and said, "Well, this should be easy for you.

並說：「這對你來說應該很容易，

And it will save us some money, it seems like a no-brainer."

還會為我們省些錢， 看起來輕而易舉。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Fast-forward six months,

快轉六個月，

I'd been a stay-at-home dad for about a week.

我在家裡待了約一星期。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I was standing in my bathroom, looking into the mirror

我站在浴室裡，望著鏡子……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

crying, tears --

哭泣，眼淚……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

running all down my face.

不停地流下來。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

My one-and-a-half-year-old was banging on the bathroom door --

我一歲半的孩子猛敲浴室的門，

because I locked them out, you know --

因為我鎖了門，隔開他們。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

crying, tears running down his face.

他在哭泣著，淚流滿面。

And my newborn was in the bassinet, crying, tears running down his face.

新生嬰兒在搖籃裡哭著，淚流滿面。

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I said ...

我看著鏡子裡的自己，說：

"Which friend can you call to call in a bomb threat?

「能打電話給哪位朋友通報有炸彈？

We've got to get out of here."

我們必須逃離這裡！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

See, I had traded my manager for my children.

我把上司換為孩子，

I didn't know what I got myself into.

不知道自己陷入了什麼樣的境地。

I thought I knew everything about being a stay-at-home parent,

我自以為懂得怎麼做個留守家長，

and in fact, I knew nothing at all.

事實上，我什麼都不懂。

Because even though my manager was --

因為即使我的經理──

well, at least my children were a lot cuter than my manager,

至少我的孩子比經理可愛多了──

they were just as demanding.

他們同樣苛刻。

(Video) Child: Wipe my butt.

（影片）小孩：擦我的屁股。

Papa, wipe my butt.

爸爸，擦我的屁股。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Wipe my butt.

擦我的屁股。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

GH: What had I gotten myself into?

亨利：我淪落到什麼境地？

I thought I knew everything about being a stay-at-home parent --

我自以為完全懂得 怎樣當個留守家長，

in fact, I knew nothing.

事實上，我什麼都不懂。

I thought that all I had to do was feed them,

我以為只要餵他們、

change their diapers, and they'd be fine.

換尿布，就沒事了。

Like, I really thought that's it.

我真的以為就那樣。

"Sesame Street" on TV, keep them distracted,

電視上的「芝麻街」 攫取他們的注意力，

apple sauce in a bowl, milk in a bottle, they'd be fine.

給一碗蘋果醬、一瓶牛奶， 他們就妥當了。

But if you leave children alone,

但是如果你讓孩子獨處，

they'll get into just a little bit of mischief.

他們就會稍稍惡作劇。

(Video) Child: Hi.

（影片）孩子：嗨。

GH: Where is the powder?

亨利：爽身粉在哪裡？

Child: I don't know.

孩子：我不知道。

GH: Well, where did you put it, where did it --

亨利：你放哪兒去了，在哪裡 ，

Who did it?

誰幹的？

Child 1: No, you did it! Child 2: No, you did it!

孩子1：不是我，是你幹的！ 孩子2：不是我，是你幹的！

Child 1: No, you did it! Child 2: No, you did it!

孩子1：不是我，是你幹的！ 孩子2：不是我，是你幹的！

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

GH: You know what else I thought I knew about being a stay-at-home parent?

亨利：可知道其他的 我自以為明白的育兒做法嗎？

I thought that all I had to do was take them to the park once a week,

我以為只需每週帶他們去公園一次，

because if I took them to the park once a week, they'd be fine.

每週帶他們去公園一次就夠了。

In fact, I knew nothing at all.

事實上，我什麼也不懂。

OK.

好。

If you take kids to park every day then that means they get dirty every day.

如果你每天帶孩子去公園， 就意味著他們每天都會弄髒。

If they got dirty every day, they need baths every day,

如果他們每天都很弄髒， 他們每天都需要洗澡，

if they got baths every day --

如果他們每天都洗澡──

I just don't think you understand, see, having two kids under two,

我不認為你們明白， 有兩個兩歲以下的孩子，

you end up changing over 20 dirty diapers a day, OK.

你每天得要更換 20 片髒尿布。

And if you give them a bath, that's just more nakedness.

如果為他們洗澡， 脫掉尿布的次數就更多，

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And a higher probability of getting peed on,

並且更可能被噴到尿。

and no one likes getting peed on, even if it's from a baby.

即使是「嬰兒」噴的尿也沒人會喜歡。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I read this article by Father Lee

但是我讀過李神父的文章，

which cites a survey done by two detergent companies, Omo and Persil.

他引用了 Omo 和 Persil 這兩家洗衣精公司的調查。

And they did this study and it said, that at two hours a day,

研究調查說：就算囚犯每天 只得到短短兩小時的放風時間，

prisoners get more outside time than children.

那還是比孩子得到的長。

That convicted me and so we went outside.

那定了我的罪，我們只好到室外放風。

(Video) (Music)

（影片）（音樂）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

GH: See, I knew nothing about being a stay-at-home parent,

亨利：看，我根本不知道 怎麼當個留守家長。

and once I embraced the fact that I knew nothing,

一旦接受了我什麼都不懂的事實，

我開始向我的新上司學習。

I began to learn from my new managers.

And I always was told

我總是被告知

that as a stay-at-home parent, you get no sleep.

作為在留守家長，你沒得睡。

Or as a parent in general, you get no sleep.

或者作為一般的家長，你沒得睡。

But that's not true, because if you sleep when they do,

但事實並非如此， 因為他們睡的時候你也睡，

you actually can get some sleep.

實際上你可以睡一會兒。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You know what else I thought as a stay-at-home parent?

可知道作為留守家長 我還有什麼其他的想法嗎？

I though I knew that the best way to teach kids right from wrong

我以為教孩子們對錯的最好方式

was to discipline them,

就是管教他們，

because that would make sure they understood right from wrong,

因為這會確保他們明白對錯，

the pain, the fear -- that would teach them.

痛苦、恐懼能教會他們。

But the truth is, the best way to teach my children right from wrong

但事實上教育我孩子是非的最好方法

is to teach them.

是教導他們。

Take out a whiteboard and draw pictures and make connections

拿出白板，繪製圖片，

建立他們能夠理解的聯繫。

that they can understand.

That was the best way.

這是最好的方法。

A lot of these images you're seeing are coming from my YouTube channel,

很多你們看到影像來自我的 YouTube 頻道「信仰父親」。

"Beleaf in Fatherhood."

我記錄了留守父母的不幸經歷。

I document the misadventures of being a stay-at-home dad.

那並不完美，只表明我在努力。

And it's not perfect, it's just showing that I'm trying.

And I'm not trying to be an example

我不想成為範例，

but just proof that it's possible for whoever else is doing this.

而是證明任何人都做得到。

You know what I also knew about being a stay-at-home parent?

作為留守家長，我還知道什麼呢？

I knew that children needed love,

我知道孩子需要愛，

but I just didn't know what love looked like.

但我不知道愛長什麼樣子。

(Video) (Music)

（影片）（音樂）

GH: It turns out putting diapers on your head

亨利：事實證明，頭戴尿布，

and play-fighting until the kids fall asleep

打打鬧鬧，玩到孩子們入睡為止，

is a great way to love your kids.

是愛你孩子的好方法。

So, I was learning a lot,

我學了很多，

but it's not all fun and boogers, is it?

但不全是樂趣和鼻屎。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I asked a group of stay-at-home parents what's the hardest thing,

我問一群留守家長什麼最難、 最被他們低估。

the thing they underestimated most about being stay-at-home parents,

他們說最被低估的其中一件是孤獨，

and they said that the loneliness was one of those things.

Not having someone else to talk to, feeling inadequate,

沒有別人可以交談，

因為想要有自己的時間 而感到自私、不適任。

feeling selfish for wanting me-time.

And nursery rhymes suck.

童謠也很糟糕。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Like, really, "Mary Had a Little Lamb" is cool the first couple of times,

真的，聽「瑪麗有隻小綿羊」的 前幾遍還好，

but after all these years on repeat,

但經過這麼多年的重複，

you wonder why Mary just ain't make herself a wool skirt

你想知道為什麼瑪麗不乾脆 為自己做件羊毛裙子和羊排，

and have lamb chops, you know what I'm saying?

知道我的意思吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The one thing I underestimated most was the emotional fatigue.

我最低估的一件事是情緒疲勞。

See, I was an artist, so I'd write songs for other artists.

我是個藝術家，為其他藝術家寫歌。

Because that's how I made money from home.

因為那是我在家賺錢的方式。

But when you're with your kids all day, you become emotionally tired.

但是整天和孩子在一起， 你會總是感到很累。

And that means all your creativity comes from your emotions,

你所有的創造力來自你的情感，

so you’re just tapped out, you're done.

一旦情感被掏空，你就完了。

So you become done with time.

你隨著時間的推移而逐漸掏空。

Nap time, time-tables, time-out, time like to cook,

午睡時間、時間表、紀律反省時間、

做飯的時間，各類型的時間， 時間都被用掉了，

with all types of time, you're just done.

You had no time for anything.

你沒有時間做任何事情。

And some people are done with their spouse as a stay-at-home parent.

有些人因為天天留守在家 而與配偶分手，

Because the spouse just doesn't get it.

因為配偶就是不明白。

I was talking to a friend of mine, he said,

我曾和一位朋友交談，他說：

"Man, I come home from work,

「天啊，我下班回家，

drawers are open, clothes hanging outside the drawers,

抽屜開著，衣服掛在抽屜外面，

the kids are still in their pajamas ...

孩子們仍然穿著睡衣......

And it can't be that hard to have dinner ready when I get home, right?"

當我回到家時 晚餐已經準備好，不難吧？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Start to freak out, you know what I'm saying?

開始嚇壞我了，知道我在說什麼吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

He was trying to confide in me --

他試圖向我傾訴──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I said, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

我說：「老兄，你不知所云。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She wakes up every morning, tired from the night before,

她每天早上醒來， 前晚的疲累還沒恢復，

baby attached to her breast, dropping this kid off at school,

懷抱著嬰兒，送這個孩子上學， 帶那個去公園。

and taking this one to the park.

待洗的衣服堆滿滿，

Laundry piles up to the skies,

她與你媽媽講了一個小時電話， 天知道講了些什麼，

he has a conversation on the phone for an hour with your mom

about God knows what,

遛你要養的狗……

takes the dog you wanted for a walk ...

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

And nobody died, bro.

兄弟，沒有人死亡。

She kept your kids alive all day, that's hard."

她讓你的孩子活了一整天，這很難。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I have become an advocate for stay-at-home parents.

我已經成為留守家長的倡導者。

Why?

為什麼？

Because finally, I was standing in their shoes.

因為到頭來，我設身處地。

Because when you're standing in someone else's shoes,

因為當你設身處地， 你會從不同的角度看待世界。

you see the world from a different perspective.

當你走著新的步伐， 感覺像嬰兒學步，搖擺不定。

And when you start to take steps, it feels like baby steps, wobbling.

But then they turn into stomps.

但隨後變成了跺腳。

And you start making footprints for the next generation to walk in.

你開始為下一代鋪路。

See, we're walking on a certain path, as parents.

我們走在父母這條特定的道路上，

We're all in this together.

我們一起，沒人能否認

No one can deny that family is one of the biggest foundations

家人是每個人人生最大的基石之一。

in anyone's life.

And we're all walking on this path,

我們都走在這條路上，

and we're pulling these thickets out of the way, and these thorns,

我們正把這些灌木叢、荊棘拽出來，

making it easier for the ones coming after us.

讓以後的人走得更容易。

It turns out, parenting has a lot more to do with landscaping.

事實證明，養兒育女與造景相關。

And learning.

還有學習多於教導。

More than teaching.

And the best thing to do is to show up for class.

最好的辦法是出席學習。

Be present is what I learned as a stay-at-home dad.

「出席，不缺席」 是我當留守父親學到的東西。

And let your presence be a gift.

讓你的出席成為禮物。

(Video) Shh.

（影片）噓。

(Door unlocking)

（門鎖開了）

Hi!

嗨！

(Children giggling)

（孩子咯咯笑）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

GH: This was me, coming home from tour one day.

亨利：這是我，有一天從巡演回家。

I thought that the father was supposed to pursue the child.

我原以為父親應該追著孩子。

But it turns out the father makes himself present.

但事實證明，父親的出席，

And the children run after him.

使孩子們追著他跑。

And that right there is a superpower.

那就是超強的力量。

And that right there, my friends, is everything.

我的朋友，那就是一切。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）