Why winning doesn't always equal success | Valorie Kondos Field

翻译人员: psjmz mz 校对人员: Yanyan Hong

OK, I have a question for all of us.

好，我要问大家一个问题，

You ready?

你们准备好了吗？

Is all winning success?

所有的获胜都代表成功吗？

(Murmurs)

（低语）

Oh.

哦。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Whoa. OK.

喔，好的。

I am the recently retired head coach

我是最近刚退休的

of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team,

加州大学洛杉矶分校 女子体操队的主教练，

a position that I held for 29 years.

我在这个职位任教了 29 年。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Thank you.

谢谢。

And during my tenure,

在我任职期间，

I experienced a lot of winning.

尝过很多次胜利的滋味。

I led our team to seven National Championships,

我带领我的团队 赢得了 7 次全国冠军，

I was inducted into the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame

我被编入了学校的运动员名人堂，

and I was even voted the Coach of the Century

甚至当选太平洋十二校联盟

by the Pac-12 Conference.

本世纪最佳教练。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Winning is really, really,

获胜真的，真的，

like, really, really fun.

非常，非常让人愉快。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I am here to share my insight:

但我在这里想要分享我的见解：

winning does not always equal success.

获胜并不总是等于成功。

All across America and around the world,

美国和全世界的人们

we have a crisis

正处在一场我们自己遭致的危机中，

in the win-at-all-cost cultures

that we have created.

去获胜的文化。

In our schools,

在我们的学校，

in our businesses, in politics,

商业，和政治领域中，

winning at all cost has become acceptable.

大家逐渐接受了 不惜一切代价获胜的文化。

As a society,

在我们社会里，

we honor the people at the top of the pyramid.

我们尊重位于金字塔尖的人。

We effusively applaud those people who win championships and elections and awards.

我们过度地为那些赢得 冠军、选举和奖项的人喝彩。

But sadly, quite often,

但令人难过的是，

those same people are leaving their institutions

往往也是这些人， 最后遍体鳞伤地

as damaged human beings.

离开了原来的团队。

Sadly, with straight A's,

同样令人难过的是， 成绩优异的学生

kids are leaving school damaged.

在离开校园时背负着创伤；

With awards and medals,

运动员获得荣誉和奖项后，

athletes often leave their teams damaged,

也时常伤痕累累的离队，

emotionally, mentally, not just physically.

除了身体，情绪和心理上 也经受着伤痛的折磨。

And with huge profits, employees often leave their companies damaged.

在利润丰厚的公司， 员工也时常选择身心俱疲地离开。

We have become so hyperfocused on that end result,

我们过于专注于最终的结果，

and when the end result is a win,

当最终迎来胜利时，

the human component of how we got there

那些背后的功臣

often gets swept under the proverbial rug,

却没有得到应有的表彰，

and so does the damage.

受到的伤害也被隐藏了起来。

So I'm calling for a time-out.

所以我要呼吁，暂停一下。

Time-out.

暂停一下。

We need to redefine success.

我们需要重新定义成功。

Real success is developing champions in life for our world,

真正的成功是为 世界培养人生赢家，

win or lose.

不论输赢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Real success is developing champions in life,

真正的成功是培养人生的赢家，

not for your team,

不是为了队伍，

not for your business

也不是为了公司，

and, I'm sad to tell you, not even for your Christmas card bragging rights.

更不是为了在圣诞卡片上炫耀。

Sorry.

抱歉。

So how do we do this?

那么我们要如何做？

First of all, you may be able to dictate your way to a win,

首先，你也许能决定获胜的方法，

but you can't dictate your way to success.

却不能支配你成功的方式。

Let me take you back to 1990, when I was first appointed the head coach

让我带你们回到 1990 年， 那一年，我刚接手了

of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team.

加州大学洛杉矶分校 女子体操队的主教练职位。

And I would like to share with you that I've never done gymnastics.

我想跟你们分享的是， 我从来没有练过体操。

I grew up in the world of ballet.

我是在芭蕾舞的世界中长大的。

I have never done a cartwheel,

我从来没有做过侧手翻，

and I couldn't teach you how to do a proper cartwheel.

也无法教你怎么做 一个正确的侧手翻。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's sadly true.

很遗憾，却是事实。

And I knew nothing about how to develop a team culture.

我对如何发展团队文化一窍不通。

The best I could do was mimic other coaches who had won.

我能做的至多是 模仿其他获胜的教练。

And so I became tough-talking,

于是我变得刀子嘴，

tough-minded, relentless,

却没豆腐心，毫不留情，

unsympathetic,

不近人情，

bullish, unempathetic

气势汹汹，居高临下，

and oftentimes downright mean.

有时甚至很苛刻。

I acted like a head coach

我表现就像个主教练，

whose only thought was to figure out how to win.

只想着要如何获胜。

My first few seasons as a head coach

我作为主教练的头几个赛季

were abysmal,

实在非常糟糕，

and after putting up with my brash coaching style for a few years,

我的队伍在忍受了我几年 自以为是的教练风格后，

our team asked me for a team meeting.

邀请我参加了一个团队会议。

Well, I love team meetings,

我很喜欢开团队会议，

so I said, "Yay! Let's have a team meeting."

所以我说，“好啊！我们来开会吧。”

And for two solid hours,

整整两个小时，

they gave me examples of how my arrogance was hurtful and demeaning.

他们列举了很多例子，让我知道 自己的自大让他们感到受伤和轻视，

Yeah, not yay.

这次是“好吧……”，不是“好啊”。

They explained to me

他们向我解释，

that they wanted to be supported,

他们需要支持，

not belittled.

而非贬低。

They wanted to be coached up, not torn down.

他们想要被督促，而非被摧毁。

They wanted to be motivated,

他们想要被激励，

not pressured or bullied.

而非被施压或威逼。

That was my time-out,

这是我的暂停，

and I chose to change.

我选择做出改变。

Being a dogmatic dictator

做一个独断专行的独裁者，

may produce compliant, good little soldiers,

也许会获得顺从、优秀的小士兵，

but it doesn't develop champions in life.

但它无法培养人生赢家。

It is so much easier, in any walk of life,

在生活的各方面，

to dictate and give orders

独裁和发号施令

than to actually figure out how to motivate someone

比切实想出如何激励某人， 想要去变得更好，

to want to be better.

要容易多了。

And the reason is -- we all know this --

原因在于——我们都知道这点——

motivation takes a really long time

激励真的需要很长的时间

to take root.

去生根。

But when it does,

但一旦扎根，

it is character-building

它就会塑造品格

and life-altering.

和改变人生。

I realized that I needed to fortify our student-athletes

我意识到，需要加强学生运动员

as whole human beings,

的整体素质，

not just athletes who won.

而非只是为了获胜。

So success for me shifted

所以成功对我来说，

from only focusing on winning

从只关注于输赢

to developing my coaching philosophy,

转向了发展我的教练哲学，

which is developing champions in life through sport.

即通过体育来培养人生赢家。

And I knew if I did this well enough,

我知道如果我做得足够好，

that champion mentality would translate to the competition floor.

那种赢家心态将会 在赛场上得到体现，

And it did.

事实也确实如此。

The key ingredient was to develop trust

关键在于通过耐心，

through patience,

诚实的尊重，

respectful honesty

以及负责

and accountability --

去建立信任——

all of the ingredients that go into tough love.

所有这些关键因素 都可以是严厉的爱。

Speaking of tough love,

谈到严厉的爱，

Katelyn Ohashi is a perfect example of this.

凯特琳（Katelyn Ohashi） 是一个很好的例子。

You may have all seen her floor routine.

你可能看过她的地板动作，

It has had over 150 million views.

她的视频有 1.5 亿次观看量。

And the consensus is, her performance is pure joy.

大家都认为她乐在其中。

However, when Katelyn came to UCLA, she was broken in body, mind and spirit.

然而，当凯特琳来到加州大学 洛杉矶分校时，她的状态很糟。

She had grown up in a stereotypical, very high-level athletic world,

她在一个刻板的、 非常高强度的运动世界中长大，

and she was damaged.

她已经身心俱疲。

So when Katelyn came to UCLA her freshman year,

所以当凯特琳来到 加州大学洛杉矶分校读大一的时候，

she found her inner rebel quite well,

她的内心变得有点叛逆，

to the point where she was no longer able to do gymnastics

体操表现也不如刚入队时

at the level at which she was recruited.

那样出色了。

And I will never forget

我永远不会忘记

a team meeting we had halfway through her freshman season.

我们在她新生季过半时 开的一次团队会议。

We were in there with the team, the coaching staff, the support staff,

我们整个团队都出席了， 包括教练组，内勤组，

sports psychologist,

运动心理学家，

and Katelyn very clearly and unapologetically said,

凯特琳面无愧色地说：

"I just don't want to be great again."

“我就是不想再次变得伟大。”

I felt like I got sucker punched.

我觉得自己仿佛挨了当头一棒。

My first thought was,

我的第一个想法是，

"Then why the heck am I going to honor your scholarship?"

“那我为什么要给你奖学金呢？”

It was a really snarky thought, and thankfully I didn't say it out loud,

这真是个非常刻薄的想法， 幸亏我没大声说出来，

because then I had clarity.

因为随后我搞清楚了。

Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics.

凯特琳不是讨厌体操。

Katelyn hated everything associated with being great.

她讨厌的是任何 与变伟大相关的东西。

Katelyn didn't want to be a winner,

凯特琳不想获胜，

because winning at all cost had cost her her joy.

因为不计成本地获胜 牺牲了她的快乐。

My job was to figure out how to motivate her

我的工作就是要通过帮助她

to want to be great again,

重新定义成功，

by helping her redefine success.

激励她想要再创辉煌。

My enthusiasm for that challenge turned into determination

而让我对这个挑战的热情 变成了决心的是，

when one day Katelyn looked me in the eye and said,

有天凯特琳看着我的眼睛说，

"Ms. Val, I just want you to know,

“瓦尔女士，我只想让你知道，

everything you tell me to do, I do the exact opposite."

我处处都想和你唱反调。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn, challenge accepted. OK.

没错。我只好在心里说， 好吧凯特琳，我接受你的挑战。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And further proof that dictating was not going to win.

这进一步证明了命令起不了作用。

So I embarked on the painfully slow process

于是我走上了建立信任

of building trust

这条痛苦的漫漫长路，

and proving to her that first and foremost

也为了向她证明我最在乎的

I cared about her as a whole human being.

是她这个人本身。

Part of my strategy was to only talk to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym.

我的策略之一是 只在体育馆里讨论体操。

Outside of the gym, we talked about everything else:

在体育馆外， 我们讨论其他任何话题：

school, boys, families, friends, hobbies.

学校，男孩，家庭，朋友，爱好。

I encouraged her to find things outside of her sport that brought her joy.

我鼓励她寻找体育之外 能带给她快乐的东西。

And it was so cool

看到凯特琳

to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi literally blossom before our eyes.

在我们眼前开始慢慢绽放， 这感觉真是太美妙了。

And through that process,

通过这个过程，

she rediscovered her self-love

她重新发现了自爱

and self-worth.

和自我价值。

And slowly, she was able to bring that joy

慢慢的，她能够把那种欢乐

back to her gymnastics.

带回到她的体操训练中。

She went on to earn the NCAA title on floor,

她赢得了美国大学体育协会（NCAA） 自由体操比赛的冠军，

and she helped our team win our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.

并帮助我们队在 2018 年 赢得了第七次 NCAA 冠军。

So --

所以——

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

So let's think about the Katelyn Ohashis in your life.

那么让我们想想你生活中的凯特琳。

Let's think about those people under your care and your guidance.

让我们想想那些 在你的照料和指导下的人。

What are you telling your kids on the car ride home?

在回家的路上你怎么跟孩子说的？

That car ride home

接送孩子回家

has much more impact than you know.

那段路程的影响超过你的想象。

Are you focusing on the end result,

你是关注最终结果，

or are you excited to use that time

还是会很兴奋地利用那个时间

to help your child develop into a champion?

把你的孩子变成人生赢家？

It's very simple:

这非常简单：

you will know you're focusing on the end result

如果你问孩子的是结果，

if you ask questions about the end result.

就说明你只在乎最终结果。

"Did you win?"

“你赢了吗？”

"How many points did you score?"

“你得了几分？”

"Did you get an A?"

“你的成绩是 A 吗？”

If you truly are motivated about helping your child develop into a champion,

如果你是真的想帮孩子成为赢家，

you will ask questions about the experience

你问的问题就会是关于经验

and the process,

和过程。

like, "What did you learn today?"

比如，“你今天学到了什么？”

"Did you help a teammate?"

“你帮助其他队友了吗？”

And, my favorite question,

而我最爱的问题是，

"Did you figure out how to have fun at working really, really hard?"

“你在非常，非常努力时， 有乐在其中吗？”

And then the key is to be very still

然后，关键是要

and listen to their response.

专心倾听他们的回应。

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being

我认为我们可以 给予别人最好的礼物

is to silence our minds

就是不要觉得凡事都必须

from the need to be right

如我们想的那样正确，

or the need to formulate the appropriate response

也不需要刻意营造 恰当的回应方式，

and truly listen

而是当别人讲话时，

when someone else is talking.

用心倾听。

And in silencing our minds,

摈弃自己的那些想法，

we actually hear our own fears and inadequacies,

能帮助我们听到自己的恐惧和不足，

which can help us formulate our response

让我们开始思考，该怎样更清楚、

with more clarity and empathy.

更有同情心的回应。

Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts,

凯拉·罗斯（Kyla Ross）， 我们的另一位体操运动员，

is one of the greatest gymnasts in the history of the sport.

是同类项目体育史上 最伟大的体操运动员之一。

She's the only athlete to have earned the trifecta:

她是唯一的一位”三冠王“运动员：

she's a national champion,

她是国家冠军，

a world champion

世界冠军

and an Olympic champion.

和奥林匹克冠军。

She's also not one for small talk,

她也不喜欢闲聊，

so I was a bit surprised one day when she came to my office,

所以当她有天来到 我办公室时，我有点惊讶。

sat on the couch

她坐在沙发上，

and just started talking --

开始主动交谈起来——

first about her major,

首先是关于她的专业，

then about graduate school

然后是关于研究生院，

and then about everything else that seemed to pop into her mind.

再然后是其他任何进入 她脑海中的话题。

My inner voice whispered to me

我内在的声音告诉我，

that something was on her mind,

她心中一定有什么事情，

and if I was still

假如我保持安静，

and gave her enough time,

给她足够的时间，

it would come out.

她就会吐露心声。

And it did.

确实如此。

It was the first time that Kyla had shared with anyone

这是凯拉第一次跟别人分享

that she had been sexually abused by Larry Nassar,

她被前美国体操队队医 拉里·纳萨尔（Larry Nassar）

the former USA Gymnastics team doctor,

性虐待的事，

who was later convicted of being a serial child molester.

他后来被判犯有 一系列猥亵儿童罪。

Kyla came forward

凯拉站出来，

and joined the army

加入了纳萨尔幸存者

of Nassar survivors

的阵营，

who shared their stories

去分享她们的故事，

and used their voices

并且使用她们的声音

to invoke positive change for our world.

为我们的世界带来了积极的变化。

I felt it was extremely important at that time

我感到在那个时刻， 为凯拉和我们的团队

to provide a safe space for Kyla and our team.

提供安全空间至关重要。

And so I chose to talk about this in a few team meetings.

所以我选择在少数几个 团队会议上讨论这个话题。

Later that year, we won the national championship,

同年，我们赢得了全国冠军，

and after we did, Kyla came up to me and shared with me the fact

在我们赢得冠军后， 凯拉过来和我分享，

that she felt one reason that we'd won

她觉得我们之所以能赢，

was because we had addressed the elephant in the room,

是因为勇于直面困境，

the tragedy that had not only rocked the world

这个悲剧不仅震惊了世界，

but that had liberated the truths and the memories in herself

但也解放了她和她如此多的朋友

and in so many of her friends

和同伴们内心的

and her peers.

真相和记忆。

As Kyla said,

正如凯拉所说，

"Ms. Val, I literally felt myself walk taller as the season went on,

“瓦尔女士，这个赛季 我觉得自己更上了一层楼，

and when I walked onto that championship floor, I felt invincible."

当我步入决赛时， 我觉得自己是不可战胜的。”

Simply --

只是——

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

Simply because she had been heard.

只是因为有人愿意倾听她了。

As parents, as coaches,

无论是父母，教练，

as leaders,

还是领袖，

we can no longer lead from a place

我们不能仅仅以获胜

where winning is our only metric of success,

当作成功与否的考量，

where our ego sits center stage,

也不能只考虑到自己的自尊。

because it has been proven

因为事实已经证明了，

that that process produces broken human beings.

那个过程只能会让他人受伤。

And I emphatically know

我很清楚，

that it is absolutely possible

我们绝对可以

to produce and train champions in life

在生活中的各行各业

in every single walk of life

都去培养和训练人生赢家，

without compromising the human spirit.

而无需牺牲人类的精神。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

It starts with defining success

必须先为你自己和那些

for yourself and those under your care

受你照顾的人定义成功，

and then consistently

并且不间断地

self-examining whether your actions are in alignment with your goals.

自我检查你的行动 是否和你的目标一致。

We are all coaches in some capacity.

在某种程度上，我们都是教练。

We all have a collective responsibility

我们都承担着共同的责任，

to develop champions in life for our world.

去为我们的世界培养人生赢家。

That is what real success looks like,

这才是真正的成功，

and in the world of athletics,

并且在运动员的世界中，

that is what we call a win-win.

这就是我们所说的双赢。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）