Why winning doesn't always equal success | Valorie Kondos Field

譯者: Pei-Chen Benson Liu 審譯者: Helen Chang

OK, I have a question for all of us.

我問大家一個問題

You ready?

準備好了嗎？

Is all winning success?

每一次勝利都代表成功嗎？

(Murmurs)

（低聲討論）

Oh.

喔

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Whoa. OK.

喔，好的

I am the recently retired head coach

我最近從 UCLA

女子體操隊總教練這個職位退休

of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team,

a position that I held for 29 years.

我待在這崗位 29 年了

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝

And during my tenure,

我在任期中

I experienced a lot of winning.

嘗過很多次次勝利的滋味

I led our team to seven National Championships,

我領著我們隊贏得七次全國冠軍

I was inducted into the UCLA Athletic Hall of Fame

也被編入學校的運動員名人堂

and I was even voted the Coach of the Century

我曾經獲選太平洋十二校聯盟

by the Pac-12 Conference.

本世紀最佳教練

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Winning is really, really,

獲勝真的非常

like, really, really fun.

非常、非常有趣

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But I am here to share my insight:

不過我今天想分享我的見解

winning does not always equal success.

獲勝並非就是成功了

All across America and around the world,

美國還有全世界的人們

we have a crisis

正面臨自己招致的危機

in the win-at-all-cost cultures

那就是不計代價獲勝的文化

that we have created.

In our schools,

在學術、商業，或政治領域

in our businesses, in politics,

winning at all cost has become acceptable.

大家逐漸接受這種文化

As a society,

在我們的社會裡

we honor the people at the top of the pyramid.

站在金字塔頂端能得到榮耀

We effusively applaud those people who win championships and elections and awards.

我們過度為那些

贏得冠軍、選舉、獎項的人喝采

But sadly, quite often,

但常常這些人卻是遍體麟傷

those same people are leaving their institutions

離開原本所在的團體

as damaged human beings.

這令人非常難過

Sadly, with straight A's,

同樣地，成績優異的學生

kids are leaving school damaged.

卻也受到傷害後離開校園

With awards and medals,

運動員囊括獎項和獎牌後

athletes often leave their teams damaged,

時常傷痕累累離隊

emotionally, mentally, not just physically.

不只是身體上的傷害

情感、心理也可能無所倖免

And with huge profits, employees often leave their companies damaged.

創造巨額營收的公司

員工時常帶傷離開公司

We have become so hyperfocused on that end result,

我們過度專注在結果上

and when the end result is a win,

若最終迎來勝利

the human component of how we got there

讓勝利得以實現的人們

often gets swept under the proverbial rug,

卻沒得到應有的表彰

and so does the damage.

傷害也隱藏了起來

So I'm calling for a time-out.

所以我要喊時間暫停

Time-out.

時間暫停

We need to redefine success.

我們必須重新定義成功是什麼

Real success is developing champions in life for our world,

真正成功是為世界

培養人生的贏家

win or lose.

不論輸贏

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Real success is developing champions in life,

真正成功是培養人生的贏家

not for your team,

不是為了隊伍

not for your business

也不是為了公司

and, I'm sad to tell you, not even for your Christmas card bragging rights.

更不是為了在聖誕節卡片上炫耀

Sorry.

我很抱歉

So how do we do this?

我們該怎麼做？

First of all, you may be able to dictate your way to a win,

首先，你也許能決定獲勝的方法

but you can't dictate your way to success.

卻不能支配成功的方法

Let me take you back to 1990, when I was first appointed the head coach

讓我說說 1990 年

當時我剛接了 UCLA

of the UCLA Women's Gymnastics Team.

女子體操隊的總教練

And I would like to share with you that I've never done gymnastics.

我想跟你們說我從來沒練過體操

I grew up in the world of ballet.

我跳著芭雷長大

I have never done a cartwheel,

我從沒翻過筋斗

and I couldn't teach you how to do a proper cartwheel.

所以我沒辦法教你

完美的筋斗是什麼樣子

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's sadly true.

很遺憾，卻是真的

And I knew nothing about how to develop a team culture.

我也不知道要如何 建立一套隊伍文化

The best I could do was mimic other coaches who had won.

我能做的只有模仿其他獲勝的教練

And so I became tough-talking,

所以我開始變得刀子嘴

tough-minded, relentless,

卻沒豆腐心，光講求實際效果

unsympathetic,

很冷漠

bullish, unempathetic

專橫、沒同理心

and oftentimes downright mean.

也常常很尖酸

I acted like a head coach

我的樣子就像個總教練

whose only thought was to figure out how to win.

只想著要如何贏得勝利

My first few seasons as a head coach

我當總教練的最初幾季

were abysmal,

實在是非常糟糕

and after putting up with my brash coaching style for a few years,

我的隊伍在忍受 我如此自以為是的風格後

our team asked me for a team meeting.

找我開了隊伍會議

Well, I love team meetings,

我很喜歡開隊伍會議

so I said, "Yay! Let's have a team meeting."

我跟他們說：「好啊，來開會吧！」

And for two solid hours,

整整兩個小時後

they gave me examples of how my arrogance was hurtful and demeaning.

他們給了我很多例子

讓我知道我的自大 讓他們感到受傷、輕視

Yeah, not yay.

好吧，這樣並不好

They explained to me

他們跟我說

that they wanted to be supported,

想要感到有人支持

not belittled.

而不是受貶低

They wanted to be coached up, not torn down.

想要受訓練進步

而不是體無完膚

They wanted to be motivated,

想要獲得動力

not pressured or bullied.

而不是因壓力或霸凌而受苦

That was my time-out,

這是我的時間暫停

and I chose to change.

我選擇做出改變

Being a dogmatic dictator

一個固執己見的獨裁者

may produce compliant, good little soldiers,

也許能有優秀士兵服從

but it doesn't develop champions in life.

卻無法創造人生的贏家

It is so much easier, in any walk of life,

各行各業中，相比試著激勵他人

to dictate and give orders

去愈加進步

than to actually figure out how to motivate someone

憑己見下指令

to want to be better.

會簡單非常多

And the reason is -- we all know this --

我們都知道原因是

motivation takes a really long time

動力需要很長時間扎根

to take root.

But when it does,

不過一旦獲得動力

it is character-building

便能建立良好人格、

and life-altering.

改變生命樣貌

I realized that I needed to fortify our student-athletes

我認為應該把隊員當作

as whole human beings,

完整的人類

not just athletes who won.

而不只是獲勝的運動員

So success for me shifted

因此成功之於我

from only focusing on winning

是將重心從只專注獲勝

to developing my coaching philosophy,

轉往建立教練哲學

which is developing champions in life through sport.

也就是藉由運動創造人生贏家

And I knew if I did this well enough,

我知道如果我做得夠好

that champion mentality would translate to the competition floor.

贏家心態也會展現在比賽會場上

And it did.

結果真是如此

The key ingredient was to develop trust

關鍵是建立信任

through patience,

保持耐心

respectful honesty

誠實尊重他人

and accountability --

還要擔起責任

all of the ingredients that go into tough love.

這些因素都會構成堅固的情誼

Speaking of tough love,

說到情誼

Katelyn Ohashi is a perfect example of this.

Katelyn Ohashi 就是一個很好的例子

You may have all seen her floor routine.

你也許看過她的地板動作

It has had over 150 million views.

網路上有超過一億五千萬觀看人次

And the consensus is, her performance is pure joy.

大家都認為她樂在其中

However, when Katelyn came to UCLA, she was broken in body, mind and spirit.

但在她剛到我們學校時

身體、心裡還有精神都傷痕累累

She had grown up in a stereotypical, very high-level athletic world,

她的生長環境是非常典型、 高標準的運動圈

and she was damaged.

她因此身受其害

So when Katelyn came to UCLA her freshman year,

所以當她大一來到我們學校

she found her inner rebel quite well,

她變得有點叛逆

to the point where she was no longer able to do gymnastics

體操表現不如剛入隊時那樣出色

at the level at which she was recruited.

And I will never forget

我永遠無法忘記

a team meeting we had halfway through her freshman season.

她大一過一半時那次隊伍會議

We were in there with the team, the coaching staff, the support staff,

整個隊伍、教練團隊、支持團隊

sports psychologist,

還有運動心理師都出席了

and Katelyn very clearly and unapologetically said,

Katelyn 非常清楚

面無愧色地表達：

"I just don't want to be great again."

「我沒意願再次傑出了」

I felt like I got sucker punched.

我像是受到意料外的一擊

My first thought was,

第一個想法是

"Then why the heck am I going to honor your scholarship?"

「這樣我哪能給你獎學金？」

It was a really snarky thought, and thankfully I didn't say it out loud,

這想法很不可取，還好我沒說出來

because then I had clarity.

因為她也給了解釋

Katelyn didn't hate gymnastics.

她並不討厭體操

Katelyn hated everything associated with being great.

只是討厭任何事汲汲營營

Katelyn didn't want to be a winner,

Katelyn 不想贏

because winning at all cost had cost her her joy.

因為不計代價的獲勝

使她賠進了所有的快樂

My job was to figure out how to motivate her

我的職責便是想辦法鼓舞她重拾動力

to want to be great again,

重新定義成功這件事

by helping her redefine success.

以追求卓越

My enthusiasm for that challenge turned into determination

我面對這樣的挑戰

會化熱情為決心

when one day Katelyn looked me in the eye and said,

是因為有天 Katelyn 對我說：

「教練，我只想讓你知道，

"Ms. Val, I just want you to know,

everything you tell me to do, I do the exact opposite."

我處處都跟你唱反調」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah, it was like, yeah, Katelyn, challenge accepted. OK.

就好像是，好，Katelyn

好，我接受挑戰

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And further proof that dictating was not going to win.

這也進一步證明，命令起不了效果

So I embarked on the painfully slow process

所以我開始走上建立信任

of building trust

這條遙遙無期之路

and proving to her that first and foremost

也想要證明我最在乎的

I cared about her as a whole human being.

是她這個人本身

Part of my strategy was to only talk to Katelyn about gymnastics in the gym.

我的策略之一是

只有在體育館才跟 Katelyn 聊體操

Outside of the gym, we talked about everything else:

離開了體育館，我們就另闢話題：

school, boys, families, friends, hobbies.

學校、男孩、家人、朋友、興趣

I encouraged her to find things outside of her sport that brought her joy.

我鼓勵她找找除了運動

能讓她快樂的東西

And it was so cool

能看到 Katelyn Ohashi

在大家眼前漸漸成果累累

to see the process of Katelyn Ohashi literally blossom before our eyes.

這件事非常棒

And through that process,

在這個過程中

she rediscovered her self-love

她也重新瞭解如何愛惜自己

and self-worth.

找到自我價值

And slowly, she was able to bring that joy

她慢慢地可以把這份喜悅

back to her gymnastics.

帶回體操

She went on to earn the NCAA title on floor,

後來她在 NCAA 的地板項目奪冠

and she helped our team win our seventh NCAA championship in 2018.

也幫隊伍在 2018 年 贏得第七座 NCAA 冠軍

So --

所以

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So let's think about the Katelyn Ohashis in your life.

所以讓我們想想 生命中的 Katelyn Ohashis

Let's think about those people under your care and your guidance.

想想你照顧和帶領的人們

What are you telling your kids on the car ride home?

你在回家路上會跟小孩說什麼？

That car ride home

回家這段時間

has much more impact than you know.

比大家想像的更有影響力

Are you focusing on the end result,

你只在乎結果

or are you excited to use that time

還是很想好好利用這段時間

to help your child develop into a champion?

讓你的孩子成為人生贏家？

It's very simple:

這件事很簡單：

you will know you're focusing on the end result

如果你問的是結果

if you ask questions about the end result.

那你就是只在乎這件事

"Did you win?"

「你贏了嗎？」

"How many points did you score?"

「你得幾分？」

"Did you get an A?"

「你得到甲嗎？」

If you truly are motivated about helping your child develop into a champion,

如果你是真的想幫助孩子成為贏家

you will ask questions about the experience

你問的問題會是關於經驗或過程

and the process,

like, "What did you learn today?"

像是「你今天學了什麼？」

"Did you help a teammate?"

「有幫隊友嗎？」

And, my favorite question,

還有我最喜歡的問題

"Did you figure out how to have fun at working really, really hard?"

「你很努力，那有樂在其中嗎？」

And then the key is to be very still

關鍵是要專注聽聽他們的回應

and listen to their response.

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being

我相信我們送別人最大的禮物

is to silence our minds

就是不要覺得凡事都得要正確

from the need to be right

or the need to formulate the appropriate response

也不要刻意營造洽當的回應方式

and truly listen

而是當別人講話時

when someone else is talking.

真心傾聽

And in silencing our minds,

摒除那些想法

we actually hear our own fears and inadequacies,

其實也能聽到自己的恐懼和不足

which can help us formulate our response

而能讓我們想想

with more clarity and empathy.

該怎麼更清楚、

更有同理心的回應

Kyla Ross, another one of our gymnasts,

Kyla Ross 是我們隊上 另一位體操員

is one of the greatest gymnasts in the history of the sport.

也是體操史上最傑出的選手之一

She's the only athlete to have earned the trifecta:

她是唯一贏得大三元的選手

she's a national champion,

全國冠軍

a world champion

世界冠軍

and an Olympic champion.

還有奧運金牌

She's also not one for small talk,

她是不太閒聊的人

so I was a bit surprised one day when she came to my office,

我很驚訝她那時會來我辦公室

sat on the couch

坐在沙發上

and just started talking --

然後開始跟我聊天

first about her major,

先是她的主修

then about graduate school

然後是研究所

and then about everything else that seemed to pop into her mind.

就像是想到什麼就聊什麼那樣

My inner voice whispered to me

我內心告訴我

that something was on her mind,

她一定有什麼煩惱

and if I was still

如果我專注傾聽

and gave her enough time,

給她夠多時間

it would come out.

答案會呼之欲出

And it did.

最後真是如此

It was the first time that Kyla had shared with anyone

那是她第一次跟任何人說

that she had been sexually abused by Larry Nassar,

Larry Nassar 性虐待她

the former USA Gymnastics team doctor,

也就是前美國體操國家隊隊醫

who was later convicted of being a serial child molester.

事後遭定罪多次猥褻孩童

Kyla came forward

Kyla 挺身而出

and joined the army

加入 Nassar 受害者的隊伍

of Nassar survivors

who shared their stories

分享他們的遭遇

and used their voices

也為此發聲

to invoke positive change for our world.

讓世界變得更加美好

I felt it was extremely important at that time

我認為在那當下

to provide a safe space for Kyla and our team.

得提供一個安全的地方

給 Kyla 還有整個隊伍

And so I chose to talk about this in a few team meetings.

所以我在幾次小隊會議時 都有談到這個話題

Later that year, we won the national championship,

同一年我們贏得國家冠軍

and after we did, Kyla came up to me and shared with me the fact

Kyla 之後告訴我

that she felt one reason that we'd won

她覺得我們之所以能贏是因為

was because we had addressed the elephant in the room,

我們讓沒人敢碰的大麻煩浮上檯面

the tragedy that had not only rocked the world

這場悲劇不但震驚了全世界

but that had liberated the truths and the memories in herself

也讓她和許多同儕、朋友們

and in so many of her friends

從事實和回憶中得以解脫

and her peers.

As Kyla said,

就像 Kyla 說的：

"Ms. Val, I literally felt myself walk taller as the season went on,

「教練，這個賽季我覺得更有自信，

and when I walked onto that championship floor, I felt invincible."

當我領獎的時候， 我覺得我什麼都辦得到」

Simply --

僅僅是

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Simply because she had been heard.

僅僅是因為有人願意傾聽

As parents, as coaches,

無論是家長、教練

as leaders,

或是領導者

we can no longer lead from a place

我們再也不能僅以獲勝

where winning is our only metric of success,

當作成功與否的考量

where our ego sits center stage,

也不能只考慮到自己的自尊

because it has been proven

因為事實證明

that that process produces broken human beings.

這樣的過程會讓他人受傷

And I emphatically know

我非常確定

that it is absolutely possible

各行各業要創造和訓練人生的贏家

to produce and train champions in life

in every single walk of life

就算不犧牲人性也是做得到的

without compromising the human spirit.

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It starts with defining success

必須先為自己還有你照顧的人

for yourself and those under your care

定義成功

and then consistently

接著不間斷地

self-examining whether your actions are in alignment with your goals.

檢視自己的行為是否和目標相符

We are all coaches in some capacity.

我們都是有某種特長的教練

We all have a collective responsibility

我們也都承載著共同的責任

to develop champions in life for our world.

那便是為世界培養人生的贏家

That is what real success looks like,

這才是真正的成功

and in the world of athletics,

在運動界

that is what we call a win-win.

我們稱這個為雙贏

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）