Do kids think of sperm donors as family? | Veerle Provoost

82,998 views ・ 2017-01-10

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μ•„λž˜ μ˜λ¬Έμžλ§‰μ„ λ”λΈ”ν΄λ¦­ν•˜μ‹œλ©΄ μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.

λ²ˆμ—­: Sophie KIM κ²€ν† : sanggyeong kim
00:12
What is a parent?
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λΆ€λͺ¨λž€ λ¬΄μ—‡μΈκ°€μš”?
00:15
What is a parent?
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λΆ€λͺ¨λž€ λ¬΄μ—‡μΌκΉŒμš”?
λŒ€λ‹΅ν•˜κΈ° μ–΄λ €μš΄ μ§ˆλ¬Έμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€..
00:19
It's not an easy question.
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00:21
Today we have adoption,
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μš°λ¦¬λŠ” μž…μ–‘μ„ ν•˜κΈ°λ„ ν•˜κ³ 
μž¬ν˜Όμ„ ν•˜λ©°
00:24
stepfamilies,
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00:25
surrogate mothers.
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λŒ€λ¦¬λͺ¨ 등을 톡해 μžλ…€μ™€ λ§Œλ‚©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:27
Many parents face tough questions
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λ§Žμ€ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ€ ν•΄κ²°ν•˜κΈ° μ–΄λ €μš΄ λ¬Έμ œλ“€κ³Ό
κ³€λž€ν•œ 상황에 μ§λ©΄ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:31
and tough decisions.
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00:33
Shall we tell our child about the sperm donation?
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λ§Œμ•½ 기증된 μ •μžλ‘œ 아이λ₯Ό λ‚³μ•˜λ‹€λ©΄ μ•„μ΄μ—κ²Œ κ·Έ 사싀을 털어놓아야 ν• κΉŒμš”?
00:39
If so, when?
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κ·Έλ ‡λ‹€λ©΄, μ–Έμ œν•˜λ©΄ μ’‹μ„κΉŒμš”?
μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ μ–˜κΈ°ν•΄μ•Ό ν• κΉŒμš”?
00:41
What words to use?
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00:43
Sperm donors are often referred to as "biological fathers,"
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μ‚¬λžŒλ“€μ€ λ•Œλ•Œλ‘œ μ •μž 기증자λ₯Ό
"생물학적 아버지"라 λ§ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:49
but should we really be using the word "father?"
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그런데 정말 "아버지"라고 말할 수 μžˆμ„κΉŒμš”?
00:53
As a philosopher and social scientist,
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μ €λŠ” μ² ν•™μžμ΄μž μ‚¬νšŒκ³Όν•™μžλ‘œμ„œ
"λΆ€λͺ¨"의 κ°œλ…κ³Ό κ΄€λ ¨ν•œ μ—¬λŸ¬ μ˜λ¬Έλ“€μ„ 연ꡬ해 μ™”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
00:56
I have been studying these questions about the concept of parenthood.
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μ˜€λŠ˜μ€ 기증 μ •μžλ‘œ μž„μ‹ ν•œ λΆ€λͺ¨μ™€ κ·Έ 사이에 νƒœμ–΄λ‚œ μžλ…€λ“€μ„ λ©΄λ‹΄ν•˜λ©°
01:01
But today, I will talk to you about what I learned
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01:04
from talking to parents and children.
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μ•Œκ²Œ 된 사싀듀을 λ§μ”€λ“œλ¦΄κ²Œμš”.
01:07
I will show you that they know what matters most in a family,
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μ°Έκ°€ν•œ κ°€μ‘±λ“€λ§ˆλ‹€ 상황은 λ‹¬λžμ§€λ§Œ 그듀이 κ°€μž₯ μ†Œμ€‘νžˆ μ—¬κ²Όλ˜ κ°€μΉ˜κ°€
01:11
even though their family looks a little different.
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λ¬΄μ—‡μ΄μ—ˆλŠ”μ§€ λ§μ”€λ“œλ¦¬κ² μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
가쑱간에 λ°œμƒν•œ κ°ˆλ“±μ„ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ κ·Ήλ³΅ν–ˆλŠ”μ§€ μ•Œλ €λ“œλ¦¬κ² μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:15
I will show you their creative ways of dealing with tough questions.
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01:21
But I will also show you the parents' uncertainties.
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λ˜ν•œ μ°Έκ°€ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ΄ μ–΄λ–€ λΆˆμ•ˆκ°μ„ 가지고 μžˆλŠ”μ§€ λ§μ”€λ“œλ¦¬λ €κ³  ν•΄μš”.
01:27
We interviewed couples
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μ €ν¬λŠ” 겐트 λŒ€ν•™λ³‘μ›μ—μ„œ λΆˆμž„μΉ˜λ£Œλ₯Ό 받은 뢀뢀듀을 λ©΄λ‹΄ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:28
who received fertility treatment at Ghent University Hospital,
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기증 μ •μžλ‘œ μž„μ‹ ν•œ λΆ€λΆ€λ“€μ΄μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
01:33
using sperm from a donor.
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01:35
In this treatment timeline,
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λ³΄μ‹œλŠ” λΆˆμž„μΉ˜λ£Œ κ³Όμ •μ—μ„œ
01:36
you can see two points at which we conducted interviews.
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면담은 이듀 두 μ‹œμ μ—μ„œ μ΄λ£¨μ–΄μ‘ŒμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:40
We included heterosexual couples,
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μ‹€ν—˜μ— μ°Έμ—¬ν•œ 남녀 λΆ€λΆ€λŠ”
λͺ‡λͺ‡ 이유둜 λ‚¨μ„±μ˜ μ •μž μƒνƒœκ°€ 쒋지 λͺ»ν•œ κ²½μš°μ˜€κ³ 
01:44
where the man for some reason did not have good-quality sperm,
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01:48
and lesbian couples who obviously needed to find sperm elsewhere.
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λ˜ν•œ μž„μ‹ μ„ μœ„ν•΄ μ •μžλ₯Ό 기증받은 λ ˆμ¦ˆλΉ„μ–Έ μ»€ν”Œλ„ μ°Έμ—¬ν–ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:54
We also included children.
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λ¬Όλ‘  μ°Έκ°€ λΆ€λΆ€μ˜ μžλ…€λ„ 면담에 ν¬ν•¨μ‹œμΌ°μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
01:58
I wanted to know
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μ œκ°€ μ•Œκ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆλ˜ 것은
02:00
how those children define concepts like parenthood and family.
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κ·Έ μžλ…€λ“€μ΄ μžμ‹ μ˜ λΆ€λͺ¨μ™€ κ°€μ‘±μ˜ 의미λ₯Ό μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ μ •μ˜ν•˜λŠ”κ°€μ˜€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
사싀 그것이 λ©΄λ‹΄ λͺ©μ μ΄μ—ˆμ§€λ§Œ
02:06
In fact, that is what I asked them,
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02:10
only not in that way.
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κ·Έλ ‡λ‹€κ³  λ¬΄ν„±λŒ€κ³  μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•˜μ§„ μ•Šμ•˜μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:13
I drew an apple tree instead.
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λŒ€μ‹ μ— μ €λŠ” μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ μ‚¬κ³Όλ‚˜λ¬΄λ₯Ό κ·Έλ €μ€¬μ–΄μš”.
이 방법을 ν†΅ν•΄μ„œ 좔상적이고 철학적인 μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ ν•  수 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:17
This way, I could ask abstract, philosophical questions
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02:20
in a way that did not make them run off.
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아이듀이 면담을 ν”Όν•˜μ§€ μ•Šλ„λ‘ ν•˜λ©΄μ„œλ„ 말이죠.
02:25
So as you can see,
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λ³΄μ‹œλ‹€μ‹œν”Ό μ‚¬κ³Όλ‚˜λ¬΄λŠ” λΉ„μ–΄ μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:27
the apple tree is empty.
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02:29
And that illustrates my research approach.
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μœ„ 그림은 제 연ꡬ 접근방식을 μ—¬μ‹€νžˆ 보여주고 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:32
By designing techniques like this,
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이런 기법을 ν†΅ν•΄μ„œ
02:34
I can bring as little meaning and content as possible to the interview,
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λ©΄λ‹΄ κ³Όμ •μ—μ„œ μ˜λ―ΈμžˆλŠ” 닡변을 μ΄λŒμ–΄ λ‚Ό 수 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:40
because I want to hear that from them.
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μ•„μ΄λ“€μ˜ 생각을 λ“£κΈ° μœ„ν•œ 것이죠.
02:44
I asked them:
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λ¨Όμ € μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ μ§ˆλ¬Έν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
02:46
What would your family look like if it were an apple tree?
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만일 가쑱이 μ‚¬κ³Όλ‚˜λ¬΄λΌλ©΄ λ‚˜λ¬΄λŠ” μ–΄λ–€ λͺ¨μŠ΅μΌκΉŒ?
02:50
And they could take a paper apple for everyone who, in their view,
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그럼 κ·Έ 아이듀은 ν‰μ†Œμ— μƒκ°ν•˜λŠ” κ°€μ‘± κ΅¬μ„±μ›μ˜ 수만큼
02:54
was a member of the family,
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μ’…μ΄λ‘œ λ§Œλ“  사과λ₯Ό κ³ λ₯΄κ³ 
02:56
write a name on it and hang it wherever they wanted.
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각 μ‚¬κ³Όλ§ˆλ‹€ 이름을 적은 뒀에 λ‚˜λ¬΄ μ•ˆ μ›ν•˜λŠ” 곳에 맀달아 두죠.
02:59
And I would ask questions.
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그러면 μ €λŠ” μ‚¬κ³Όμ˜ 의미λ₯Ό λ¬Όμ–΄λ΄…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
λŒ€λΆ€λΆ„μ˜ 아이듀은 λΆ€λͺ¨λ‚˜ ν˜•μ œλ₯Ό 제일 λ¨Όμ € μ„€λͺ…ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:02
Most children started with a parent or a sibling.
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03:05
One started with "Boxer,"
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μ‘°λΆ€λͺ¨κ°€ ν‚€μš°λ˜ 강아지 "λ³΅μ„œ"λ₯Ό κ°€μž₯ λ¨Όμ € μ„€λͺ…ν•œ 아이도 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:08
the dead dog of his grandparents.
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03:11
At this point, none of the children started mentioning the donor.
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그런데 아이듀 쀑 μ–΄λŠ λˆ„κ΅¬λ„ μ •μžλ₯Ό κΈ°μ¦ν•œ μ‚¬λžŒμ€ μ–˜κΈ°ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜μ£ .
03:16
So, I asked them about their birth story.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ νƒœμ–΄λ‚¬λŠ”μ§€λ₯Ό λ¬Όμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
"λ„€κ°€ νƒœμ–΄λ‚˜κΈ° 전에 μ—„λ§ˆμ™€ μ•„λΉ λ§Œ μžˆμ—ˆκ±°λ‚˜
03:21
I said, "Before you were born,
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03:23
it was just your mom and dad,
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03:25
or mom and mommy.
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μ•„λ‹ˆλ©΄ μ—„λ§ˆμ™€ μ—„λ§ˆλ§Œ μžˆμ—ˆλŠ”λ°
03:27
Can you tell me how you came into the family?"
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μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ λ„€κ°€ νƒœμ–΄λ‚˜ 가쑱이 λλŠ”μ§€ μ„€λͺ…ν•΄μ€„λž˜?"
03:31
And they explained.
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아이듀은 μ΄μ•ΌκΈ°ν•˜κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
03:33
One said,
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ν•œ 아이가 이런 λŒ€λ‹΅μ„ ν–ˆμ£ .
03:35
"My parents did not have good seeds,
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"저희 λΆ€λͺ¨λ‹˜μ€ 쒋은 씨앗이 μ—†μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
03:38
but there are friendly men out there who have spare seeds.
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그런데 세상 μ–΄λ”˜κ°€μ— 씨앗을 가진
μΉœμ ˆν•œ 남성뢄이 κ³„μ…¨μ–΄μš”.
03:43
They bring them to the hospital,
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그뢄듀은 쒋은 씨앗듀을 λ³‘μ›μœΌλ‘œ 가지고 μ™€μ„œ
03:45
and they put them in a big jar.
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큰 항아리에 λ„£μ—ˆκ³ 
03:48
My mommy went there,
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μ—„λ§ˆλŠ” λ³‘μ›μœΌλ‘œ κ°€μ„œ
03:49
and she took two from the jar,
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ν•­μ•„λ¦¬μ—μ„œ 씨앗 두 개λ₯Ό κΊΌλƒˆμ–΄μš”.
03:52
one for me and one for my sister.
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ν•˜λ‚˜λŠ” 제 것이고, ν•˜λ‚˜λŠ” 여동생 κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμ£ .
03:55
She put the seeds in her belly --
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μ—„λ§ˆλŠ” 뱃속에 씨앗을 λ„£μ—ˆκ³ 
그런데 κ°‘μžκΈ°
03:58
somehow --
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04:00
and her belly grew really big,
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μ—„λ§ˆμ˜ λ°°κ°€ 정말 컀쑌고
04:02
and there I was."
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거기에 μ œκ°€ μžˆμ—ˆμ–΄μš”."
04:05
Hmm.
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흠..
아이듀이 κΈ°μ¦μžμ— λŒ€ν•΄ λ§ν•˜κΈ° μ‹œμž‘ν•˜λ©΄
04:08
So only when they started mentioning the donor,
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04:12
I asked questions about him, using their own words.
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μ €λŠ” κ·Έ 아이듀 ν‘œν˜„μ„ λΉŒλ €μ„œ μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ μ§ˆλ¬Έμ„ μ΄μ–΄κ°”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
04:15
I said,
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"씨앗이 μžˆλŠ” μΉœμ ˆν•œ λ‚¨μžλΆ„μ„
04:17
"If this would be an apple for the friendly man with the seeds,
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μ‚¬κ³Όλ‘œ ν‘œν˜„ν•œλ‹€λ©΄ μ–΄λ–»κ²Œ ν•˜κ² λ‹ˆ?"
04:21
what would you do with it?"
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ν•œ 사내 아이가 사과λ₯Ό λ“€κ³  혼잣말처럼 λ§ν•˜λ”λΌκ³ μš”.
04:24
And one boy was thinking out loud,
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04:26
holding the apple.
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04:27
And he said,
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μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ§ν–ˆμ£ .
04:29
"I won't put this one up there with the others.
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"μ „ 이걸 λ‹€λ₯Έ 사과듀과 ν•¨κ»˜ 뢙이지 μ•Šμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
04:33
He's not part of my family.
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저희 κ°€μ‘±μ˜ 일뢀가 μ•„λ‹ˆμ—μš”.
04:36
But I will not put him on the ground.
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κ·Έλ ‡μ§€λ§Œ 땅에 두지도 μ•Šμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
04:38
That's too cold and too hard.
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그곳은 λ„ˆλ¬΄ μ°¨κ°‘κ³  λ”±λ”±ν•˜κ±°λ“ μš”.
제 생각엔 그뢄은 λ‚˜λ¬΄μ˜ λͺΈν†΅ κ°™μ•„μš”.
04:41
I think he should be in the trunk,
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04:44
because he made my family possible.
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μš°λ¦¬κ°€ 가쑱이 λ˜λ„λ‘ ν•΄μ£Όμ—ˆμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒμš”.
04:47
If he would not have done this,
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κ·Έ 뢄이 그런 일을 ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•˜λ”λΌλ©΄
04:49
that would really be sad because my family would not be here,
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정말 μŠ¬νŽμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
우리 가쑱은 μ—¬κΈ° μ—†μ—ˆμ„ν…Œκ³ 
04:53
and I would not be here."
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λ‚˜λ„ μ§€κΈˆ μ—¬κΈ° μ—†μ—ˆμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”."
04:57
So also, parents constructed family tales --
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λΆ€λͺ¨ λ˜ν•œ κ°€μ‘± 이야기λ₯Ό λ§Œλ“€μ–΄μ„œ
05:01
tales to tell their children.
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μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ λ“€λ €μ€λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:04
One couple explained their insemination
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μ–΄λŠ ν•œ λΆ€λΆ€λŠ” μΈκ³΅μˆ˜μ •μ„ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜λ €κ³ 
05:07
by taking their children to a farm
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농μž₯으둜 아이듀을 λ°λ €κ°”μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:11
to watch a vet inseminate cows.
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μ –μ†Œμ˜ μΈκ³΅μˆ˜μ •μ„ λ•λŠ” μˆ˜μ˜μ‚¬λ₯Ό λ³΄μ—¬μ€¬μ–΄μš”.
05:15
And why not?
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μ–΄λ–€κ°€μš”?
이것은 κ·Έλ“€λ§Œμ˜ μ„€λͺ… λ°©μ‹μ΄μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
05:17
It's their way of explaining;
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05:19
their do-it-yourself with family narratives.
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κ·Έλ“€μ˜ κ°€μ‘± 이야기λ₯Ό λ§Œλ“€μ–΄λ‚Έ 것이죠.
05:22
DIY.
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슀슀둜 찾은 λ°©λ²•μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:24
And we had another couple who made books --
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μ–΄λ–€ λΆ€λΆ€λŠ” 책을 λ§Œλ“€μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
05:26
a book for each child.
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아이듀 각자의 책을 λ§Œλ“€μ—ˆμ£ .
05:28
They were really works of art
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κ·Έ 책은 정말 예술 μž‘ν’ˆμ΄μ—μš”.
05:30
containing their thoughts and feelings throughout the treatment.
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μ±…μ—λŠ” λΆˆμž„μΉ˜λ£Œ κΈ°κ°„ λ™μ•ˆ 느꼈던 λΆ€λΆ€μ˜ 생각과 감정을 λ‹΄κ³  μžˆμ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
05:34
They even had the hospital parking tickets in there.
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심지어 병원 μ£Όμ°¨κΆŒκΉŒμ§€ λ“€μ–΄μžˆμ—ˆμ£ .
05:37
So it is DIY:
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이것도 슀슀둜 찾은 λ°©λ²•μž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:39
finding ways, words and images
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μ μ ˆν•œ 방법과 ν‘œν˜„, 그림을 μ°Ύμ•„μ„œ
05:41
to tell your family story to your child.
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μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ λ“€λ € 쀄 κ°€μ‘± 이야기λ₯Ό λ§Œλ“  것이죠.
05:45
And these stories were highly diverse,
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κ·Έ 이야기듀은 맀우 λ‹€μ–‘ν•˜μ§€λ§Œ
05:48
but they all had one thing in common:
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ν•œ 가지 곡톡점이 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
05:53
it was a tale of longing for a child
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κ·Έ 이야기듀은 아이λ₯Ό λ„ˆλ¬΄λ‚˜ μ›ν–ˆλ˜ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ΄
05:57
and a quest for that child.
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아이λ₯Ό μ–»μœΌλ € λͺ¨ν—™μ„ λ– λ‚˜λŠ” λ‚΄μš©μ΄μ—ˆμ£ .
06:00
It was about how special and how deeply loved their child was.
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κ·Έ 이야기듀은
아이듀을 μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μ†Œμ€‘ν•˜κ³  μ‚¬λž‘μŠ€λŸ½κ²Œ μ—¬κΈ°λŠ”μ§€μ— λŒ€ν•œ λ‚΄μš©μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
μ§€κΈˆκΉŒμ§€μ˜ μ—°κ΅¬μ—μ„œλŠ” 아이듀도 잘 μ„±μž₯ν•˜λŠ” κ²ƒμœΌλ‘œ λ‚˜νƒ€λ‚¬μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:07
And research so far shows that these children are doing fine.
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06:11
They do not have more problems than other kids.
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λ‹€λ₯Έ 아이듀과 λΉ„κ΅ν•΄μ„œ 문제λ₯Ό μΌμœΌν‚€μ§€λ„ μ•Šμ•˜μ£ .
06:14
Yet, these parents also wanted to justify their decisions
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λ„€. μ‹€ν—˜μ— μ°Έμ—¬ν•œ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ€
μ•„μ΄λ“€μ—κ²Œ κ·Έ κ°€μ‘± 이야기λ₯Ό λ“€λ €μ£Όλ©° μžμ‹ λ“€μ˜ 결정을 μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κ³  μ‹Άμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:19
through the tales they tell.
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06:21
They hoped that their children would understand their reasons
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가쑱을 λ§Œλ“€κΈ° μœ„ν•΄ μ™œ 이 방법을 μ„ νƒν–ˆλŠ”μ§€λ₯Ό
06:24
for making the family in this way.
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μžλ…€κ°€ 이해해주기 바라고 μžˆμ—ˆμ£ .
06:27
Underlying was a fear that their children might disapprove
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κ·Έ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ΄ κ±±μ •ν–ˆλ˜ 뢀뢄은
아이가 μžμ‹ λ“€μ„ μœ μ „μ μœΌλ‘œ 관련이 μ—†λŠ” λΆ€λͺ¨λΌλ©° 거뢀할지 λͺ¨λ₯Έλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
06:31
and would reject the non-genetic parent.
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06:34
And that fear is understandable,
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그런 두렀움을 κ°–λŠ” 게 이해가 λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
우리 μ‚¬νšŒλŠ” 이성애 κ·œλ²”μ΄ μ§€λ°°ν•˜κ³  있고
06:37
because we live in a very heteronormative
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μœ μ „μ  κ°€μ‘± 관계λ₯Ό μ€‘μš”μ‹œν•˜κΈ° 떄문이죠.
06:40
and geneticized society --
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06:42
a world that still believes
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아직도 이 세상은 μ§„μ •ν•œ κ°€μ‘±μ΄λž€
06:43
that true families consist of one mom, one dad
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ν•œ μ–΄λ¨Έλ‹ˆμ™€ ν•œ 아버지, 그리고
κ·Έ μ‚¬μ΄μ—μ„œ μœ μ „μ  κ΄€κ³„λ‘œ νƒœμ–΄λ‚œ μ•„μ΄λ“€λ‘œ κ΅¬μ„±λœλ‹€κ³  λ―ΏμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒμš”.
06:48
and their genetically related children.
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06:51
Well.
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κΈ€μŽ„μš”.
ν•œ 10λŒ€ μ†Œλ…„μ˜ 이야기λ₯Ό λ“€λ €λ“œλ¦¬κ² μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
06:54
I want to tell you about a teenage boy.
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06:57
He was donor-conceived but not part of our study.
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κ·Έ μ•„μ΄λŠ” κΈ°μ¦μ •μžλ‘œ νƒœμ–΄λ‚¬μ§€λ§Œ 저희 연ꡬ에 μ°Έμ—¬ν•˜μ§„ μ•Šμ•˜μ£ .
07:00
One day, he had an argument with his father,
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μ–΄λŠ λ‚ , μ†Œλ…„μ€ 아버지와 λ§λ‹€νˆΌμ„ ν•˜λ‹€κ°€
07:03
and he yelled,
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μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ μ†Œλ¦¬μ³€μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:05
"You're telling me what to do?
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"μ™œ 이래라 μ €λž˜λΌ ν•˜μ‹œμ£ ?
07:07
You're not even my father!"
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당신은 제 아버지도 μ•„λ‹ˆμž–μ•„μš”!"
07:11
That was exactly what the parents in our study feared.
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λ°”λ‘œ 이런 것이 연ꡬ에 μ°Έμ—¬ν•œ λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ΄ λ‘λ €μ›Œν•œ κ²ƒμ΄μ—ˆμ–΄μš”.
07:15
Now, the boy soon felt sorry, and they made up.
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μ†Œλ…„μ€ 곧 μ£„μ†‘ν•œ 마음이 λ“€μ—ˆκ³  그듀은 λ‹€μ‹œ ν™”ν•΄ν–ˆμ£ .
07:19
But it is the reaction of his father that is most interesting.
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그런데 더 ν₯λ―Έλ‘œμ› λ˜ 것은 μ•„λ²„μ§€μ˜ λ°˜μ‘μ΄μ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
아버지가 λ§ν•˜κΈΈ
07:24
He said,
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07:25
"This outburst had nothing to do with the lack of a genetic link.
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"아이가 κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ ν–‰λ™ν•œ 건
우리 사이에 μœ μ „μ  μ—°κ²° 고리가 μ—†λŠ” κ²ƒκ³ΌλŠ” μ „ν˜€ κ΄€κ³„μ—†μ–΄μš”.
07:31
It was about puberty --
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아이가 μ§€κΈˆ μ‚¬μΆ˜κΈ°λΌμ„œ κ·Έλž˜μš”.
μ–΄λ €μš΄ μ‹œκΈ°μ£ .
07:35
being difficult.
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07:36
It's what they do at that age.
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κ·Έ λ‚˜μ΄ λ•Œ 아이듀은 μ›λž˜ κ·Έλ ‡μž–μ•„μš”.
07:38
It will pass."
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λ¬΄μ‚¬νžˆ μ§€λ‚˜κ°ˆ κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€."
07:41
What this man shows us
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이 μ‚¬λ‘€λŠ” μš°λ¦¬μ—κ²Œ κ΅ν›ˆμ„ μ „ν•΄μ€λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:43
is that when something goes wrong,
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κ°€μ‘± λ‚΄μ—μ„œ λ¬Έμ œκ°€ 생겼을 λ•Œ
07:46
we should not immediately think
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우리 가쑱이 남듀과 λ‹€λ₯΄κΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄λΌκ³  μƒκ°ν•΄μ„œλŠ” μ•ˆ λœλ‹€λŠ” κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
07:48
it is because the family is a little different.
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07:51
These things happen in all families.
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μ–΄λŠ κ°€μ‘±μ—κ²Œλ‚˜ 이런 일은 μΌμ–΄λ‚˜μ£ .
07:55
And every now and then,
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그럴 λ•Œλ§ˆλ‹€
07:57
all parents may wonder:
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λͺ¨λ“  λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€μ΄ κΆκΈˆν•΄ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:00
Am I a good enough parent?
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λ‚˜λŠ” 정말 쒋은 λΆ€λͺ¨μΌκΉŒ?
이듀 λΆ€λͺ¨λ“€λ„ κ·Έλ ‡μŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:03
These parents, too.
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아이듀을 μœ„ν•΄ μ΅œμ„ μ„ λ‹€ν•˜λ € ν•˜μ£ .
08:05
They, above all, wanted to do what's best for their child.
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08:09
But they also sometimes wondered:
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또 가끔은 이런 생각도 ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
λ‚΄κ°€ μ•„μ΄λ“€μ˜ μ§„μ§œ λΆ€λͺ¨μΌκΉŒ?
08:12
Am I a real parent?
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08:14
And their uncertainties were present long before they even were parents.
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그듀은 λΆ€λͺ¨κ°€ 되기 훨씬 μ „λΆ€ν„° 이런 λΆˆμ•ˆκ°μ„ κ°–κ³  μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:18
At the start of treatment,
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ λΆˆμž„μΉ˜λ£Œλ₯Ό μ‹œμž‘ν•  λ•ŒλŠ” λ¨Όμ € μ „λ¬Έ 상담사와 면담을 ν•˜κ²Œ 되죠.
08:19
when they first saw the counselor,
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μƒλ‹΄μ‚¬μ˜ 쑰언을 κΌΌκΌΌν•˜κ²Œ κ²½μ²­ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:22
they paid close attention to the counselor,
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08:24
because they wanted to do it right.
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신쀑을 κΈ°ν•˜κΈ° μœ„ν•΄μ„œμ£ .
08:27
Even 10 years later,
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상담을 받은 지 10년이 λ„˜μ–΄λ„
뢀뢀듀은 λ‹Ήμ‹œμ˜ 쑰언을 κΈ°μ–΅ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
08:30
they still remember the advice they were given.
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08:36
So when they thought about the counselor
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상담을 μ–Έμ œλΆ€ν„° κ³ λ €ν–ˆλŠ”μ§€μ™€
08:40
and the advice they were given,
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μƒλ‹΄μ‚¬μ˜ μ‘°μ–Έ λ‚΄μš©μ— λŒ€ν•΄μ„œ
08:42
we discussed that.
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연ꡬ μ°Έκ°€μžλ“€κ³Ό ν† λ‘ ν•˜λ˜ 쀑에
08:43
And we saw one lesbian couple who said,
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ν•œ λ ˆμ¦ˆλΉ„μ–Έ λΆ€λΆ€κ°€ 이런 말을 ν–ˆμ£ .
08:48
"When our son asks us,
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"우리 아듀이 μ €ν¬μ—κ²Œ
08:50
'Do I have a dad?'
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'제게 아버지가 μžˆλ‚˜μš”?'라고 물으면
08:53
we will say 'No, you do not have a dad.'
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'μ•„λ‹ˆ, 없단닀.'라고 말할 κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
08:56
But we will say nothing more, not unless he asks,
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아이가 더 묻지 μ•ŠλŠ”λ‹€λ©΄ μ €ν¬λŠ” ꡳ이 λ‹΅ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
09:00
because he might not be ready for that.
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아이에겐 아직 μ΄ν•΄ν•˜κΈ° μ–΄λ €μšΈ 수 μžˆμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒμš”.
09:02
The counselor said so."
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상담사도 κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ ν•˜λΌκ³  ν–ˆμ–΄μš”."
09:05
Well.
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κΈ€μŽ„μš”.
μ•„λ§ˆλ„ 아이듀이 μ•Œκ³  μ‹Άμ–΄ν•˜λŠ” 것과
09:07
I don't know; that's quite different
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λΆ€λͺ¨μ˜ λŒ€λ‹΅μ΄ μ „ν˜€ λ‹€λ₯Ό μˆ˜λ„ μžˆμ„ κ²λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:09
from how we respond to children's questions.
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09:12
Like, "Milk -- is that made in a factory?"
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이λ₯Όν…Œλ©΄ "μš°μœ λŠ” 곡μž₯μ—μ„œ λ§Œλ“€μ–΄μ Έμš”?"라고 물으면
09:15
We will say, "No, it comes from cows,"
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μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λŒ€λ‹΅ν•˜κ² μ£ .
"μ•„λ‹ˆ, μš°μœ λŠ” μ –μ†Œκ°€ λ§Œλ“œλŠ” κ±°λž€λ‹€."
09:18
and we will talk about the farmer,
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κ·ΈλŸ¬λ©΄μ„œ 우린 농뢀에 λŒ€ν•΄ μ„€λͺ…ν•˜κ³ 
09:20
and the way the milk ends up in the shop.
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μš°μœ κ°€ κ°€κ²ŒκΉŒμ§€ 온 과정을 μ•Œλ €μ£Όκ² μ£ .
09:23
We will not say,
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μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λŒ€λ‹΅ν•˜μ§€λŠ” μ•Šμ£ .
"μ•„λ‹ˆ, 곡μž₯μ—μ„œ 우유λ₯Ό λ§Œλ“€μ§€ μ•ŠλŠ”λ‹¨λ‹€."
09:26
"No, milk is not made in a factory."
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아이와 λΆ€λͺ¨κ°€ μ΄λ ‡κ²Œ λ‹€λ¦…λ‹ˆλ‹€.
09:32
So something strange happened here,
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09:34
and of course these children noticed that.
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λ¬Όλ‘  아이듀은 λΆ€λͺ¨μ˜ 진심을 μ•Œμ•„μ°¨λ Έμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
09:37
One boy said,
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이런 말을 ν•œ 아이도 μžˆμ—ˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€
09:39
"I asked my parents loads of questions,
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"λΆ€λͺ¨λ‹˜μ—κ²Œ λ§Žμ€ 것을 μ—¬μ­€λ΄€λŠ”λ°μš”.
09:41
but they acted really weird.
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κ·Έλ•Œλ§ˆλ‹€ 쑰금 μˆ˜μƒμ©κ²Œ ν–‰λ™ν•˜μ…¨μ–΄μš”.
09:44
So, you know, I have a friend at school, and she's made in the same way.
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κ·Έλž˜μ„œ 말이죠.
학ꡐ 친ꡬ 쀑에 λ‚˜μ²˜λŸΌ μ •μž 기증을 λ°›μ•„ νƒœμ–΄λ‚œ μ—¬μž 아이가 μžˆλŠ”λ°μš”.
09:49
When I have a question, I just go and ask her."
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κΆκΈˆν•œ 게 있으면 κ·Έ μ•„μ΄μ—κ²Œ 묻곀 ν•΄μš”."
09:53
Clever guy.
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ν˜„λͺ…ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•„μš”?
09:55
Problem solved.
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κ°„λ‹¨νžˆ ν•΄κ²°λλ„€μš”.
09:57
But his parents did not notice,
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κ·Έλ ‡μ§€λ§Œ λΆ€λͺ¨λŠ” λͺ°λžμ–΄μš”.
10:00
and it certainly was not what they had in mind,
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이런 λŒλ°œμƒν™©μ€ μ˜ˆμƒν–ˆλ˜ 것도 μ•„λ‹ˆκ³ 
10:03
nor what the counselor had in mind
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상담사도 μ˜ˆμƒν•˜μ§€ λͺ»ν–ˆμ„ κ±°μ˜ˆμš”.
10:05
when they were saying how important it is to be an open-communication family.
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이 μ‚¬λ‘€λŠ” κ°€μ‘± κ°„μ˜ μ†Œν†΅μ΄ μ–Όλ§ˆλ‚˜ μ€‘μš”ν•œμ§€λ₯Ό λ³΄μ—¬μ€λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:12
And that's the strange thing about advice.
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그런데 μ‘°μ–Έμ—λŠ” μ’…μ’… λ³€μˆ˜κ°€ μžˆμ–΄μš”.
10:14
When we offer people pills, we gather evidence first.
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이λ₯Όν…Œλ©΄ 약을 μ²˜λ°©ν•΄ μ£Όλ €λ©΄ μ•½μ˜ 효λŠ₯을 λ¨Όμ € μ•Œμ•„μ•Ό ν•˜μ£ .
10:18
We do tests,
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μ‹€ν—˜μ„ ν•˜κ³ 
10:19
we do follow-up studies.
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후속 연ꡬ도 ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
이 약이 μ–΄λ–€ νš¨κ³Όκ°€ μžˆλŠ”μ§€ μ •ν™•νžˆ μ•Œμ•„μ•Ό ν•˜κΈ° λ•Œλ¬Έμ΄μ£ .
10:21
We want to know, and rightly so, what this pill is doing
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μ‚¬λžŒμ˜ 생λͺ…에 μ–΄λ–€ 영ν–₯을 λ―ΈμΉ˜λŠ”μ§€λ„ μ•Œμ•„μ•Ό ν•˜κ³ μš”.
10:25
and how it affects people's lives.
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그런데 μ‘°μ–Έμ˜ κ²½μš°λŠ”μš”?
10:28
And advice?
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10:30
It is not enough for advice,
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μ‘°μ–ΈμœΌλ‘œλŠ” μΆ©λΆ„ν•˜μ§€ μ•Šμ•„μš”.
10:32
or for professionals to give advice that is theoretically sound,
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μ „λ¬Έκ°€κ°€ 이둠적으둜 μ•Œλ§žμ€ 쑰언을 ν•˜κ³ 
10:37
or well-meant.
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μ˜λ―ΈμžˆλŠ” 쑰언을 ν•˜λ”λΌλ„ 말이죠.
10:39
It should be advice that there is evidence for --
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μ‘°μ–Έμ—λŠ” νƒ€λ‹Ήν•œ κ·Όκ±°κ°€ μžˆμ–΄μ•Ό ν•΄μš”.
10:42
evidence that it actually improves patients' lives.
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μ‹€μ œλ‘œ ν™˜μžλ“€μ˜ 삢을 ν–₯μƒμ‹œν‚¬ 수 μžˆλŠ”μ§€κ°€ μž…μ¦λ˜μ–΄μ•Ό ν•˜μ£ .
μ €λŠ” μ² ν•™μžλ‘œμ„œ 역섀적인 μ œμ•ˆμ„ ν•˜λ‚˜ ν•˜κ³ μž ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
10:48
So the philosopher in me would now like to offer you a paradox:
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10:54
I advise you to stop following advice.
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쑰언을 λ¬΄μž‘μ • λ”°λ₯΄μ§€λŠ” λ§ˆμ„Έμš”.
10:59
But, yes.
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μ–΄μ¨Œλ“ , κ·Έλž˜μš”.
11:02
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
11:06
I will not end here with what went wrong;
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λ¬Όλ‘ , 쑰언을 λ”°λ₯΄λŠ” 것이 잘λͺ»λλ‹€λŠ” 것은 μ•„λ‹™λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:09
I would not be doing justice to the warmth we found in those families.
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κ·Έ 가쑱을 λŒ€μƒμœΌλ‘œ 저희가 μ•Œμ•„λ‚Έ 것듀이 μ˜³λ‹€κ³ λ„ ν•  수 μ—†κ³ μš”.
11:14
Remember the books and the trip to the farmer?
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아이듀을 μœ„ν•œ μ±… μ œμž‘κ³Ό 농μž₯ 견학을 λ§μ”€λ“œλ Έμ£ ?
11:17
When parents do things that work for them,
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아이듀을 μœ„ν•΄ κ·Έλ ‡κ²Œ ν•˜λŠ” 것은
11:21
they do brilliant things.
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μ•„μ£Ό ν˜„λͺ…ν•œ λ°©λ²•μ΄μ—μš”.
11:24
What I want you to remember as members of families,
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ν•œκ°€μ§€ κΈ°μ–΅ν•΄ μ£Όμ…¨μœΌλ©΄ ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
κ°€μ‘±μ˜ μΌμ›μœΌλ‘œμ„œ
κ·Έ 가쑱이 μ–΄λ–€ λ°©λ²•μœΌλ‘œ μ΄λ£¨μ–΄μ‘ŒλŠ”κ°€ ν•˜λŠ” 것보닀
11:28
in no matter what form or shape,
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11:30
is that what families need are warm relationships.
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결속λ ₯μžˆλŠ” λ”°λœ»ν•œ μœ λŒ€κ°μ„ κ°–λŠ” 것이 μ€‘μš”ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:37
And we do not need to be professionals to create those.
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μ—¬κΈ°μ—λŠ” μ „λ¬Έκ°€κ°€ ν•„μš”ν•˜μ§€ μ•ŠμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:41
Most of us do just fine,
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λˆ„κ΅¬λ‚˜ 잘 ν•΄λ‚Ό 수 μžˆμŠ΅λ‹ˆλ‹€.
11:44
although it may be hard work,
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λ¬Όλ‘  μ‰½μ§€λ§Œμ€ μ•Šμ•„μš”.
μ μ ˆν•œ 쑰언이 μžˆλ‹€λ©΄ 더 잘 ν•΄λ‚Ό 수 있겠죠.
11:47
and from time to time, we can do with some advice.
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11:51
In that case,
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그럴 κ²½μš°μ—λŠ”
11:52
bear in mind three things.
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μ„Έ 가지λ₯Ό λ§ˆμŒμ— μƒˆκΈ°μ„Έμš”.
11:55
Work with advice that works for your family.
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ 가쑱에 λ§žλŠ” 쑰언을 μ μš©ν•˜μ„Έμš”.
μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ κ°€μ‘± λ¬Έμ œμ— κ΄€ν•œ μ „λ¬Έκ°€λŠ” μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„ μžμ‹ μž„μ„ κΈ°μ–΅ν•˜μ„Έμš”.
12:00
Remember -- you're the expert, because you live your family life.
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12:06
And finally,
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λ§ˆμ§€λ§‰μœΌλ‘œ
12:08
believe in your abilities and your creativity,
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μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ˜ λŠ₯λ ₯κ³Ό 참신함을 λ―Ώμ–΄ λ³΄μ„Έμš”.
μ—¬λŸ¬λΆ„μ€ 잘 ν•΄λ‚Ό 수 μžˆμœΌλ‹ˆκΉŒμš”.
12:13
because you can do it yourself.
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12:17
Thank you.
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κ°μ‚¬ν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€.
12:18
(Applause)
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(λ°•μˆ˜)
이 μ›Ήμ‚¬μ΄νŠΈ 정보

이 μ‚¬μ΄νŠΈλŠ” μ˜μ–΄ ν•™μŠ΅μ— μœ μš©ν•œ YouTube λ™μ˜μƒμ„ μ†Œκ°œν•©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ „ 세계 졜고의 μ„ μƒλ‹˜λ“€μ΄ κ°€λ₯΄μΉ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μˆ˜μ—…μ„ 보게 될 κ²ƒμž…λ‹ˆλ‹€. 각 λ™μ˜μƒ νŽ˜μ΄μ§€μ— ν‘œμ‹œλ˜λŠ” μ˜μ–΄ μžλ§‰μ„ 더블 ν΄λ¦­ν•˜λ©΄ κ·Έκ³³μ—μ„œ λ™μ˜μƒμ΄ μž¬μƒλ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. λΉ„λ””μ˜€ μž¬μƒμ— 맞좰 μžλ§‰μ΄ μŠ€ν¬λ‘€λ©λ‹ˆλ‹€. μ˜κ²¬μ΄λ‚˜ μš”μ²­μ΄ μžˆλŠ” 경우 이 문의 양식을 μ‚¬μš©ν•˜μ—¬ λ¬Έμ˜ν•˜μ‹­μ‹œμ˜€.

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