The sweaty teacher's lament - Justin Lamb

《汗淋淋老师的哀歌》－贾斯丁. 兰姆

翻译人员: William Pang 校对人员: Jenny Yang

I'd love to be the compassionate teacher;

我很想成为一个有爱心的老师，

the tough, but fair teacher.

一个严格既公平的老师，

But to my brilliant young minds,

但据我年轻灵光的头脑看来，

these scholars for whom I'd stand up at all costs,

还有对这些我极仰慕的学者来说，

I'm the sweaty teacher.

我是个「汗淋淋老师」。

Not the compassionate teacher who,

并非一个有爱心的老师，

hey, by the way, happens to sweat,

嘿！他偶尔也会流汗哦。

or even the teacher who sweats.

甚至也不是「那个流汗的老师」。

No. The sweaty teacher.

都不是，就是叫「汗淋淋老师」。

Adjective, sweaty

形容词，「汗淋淋」

purposefully coming before noun, teacher,

专门放在名词「老师」前面，

as if to say, "This is Mr. Lamb.

好像在说：「这位是兰姆先生。」

Do not define him by the profession he devotes his life to.

「但不要以他全心献身于的职业来定义他。」

Define him by the geysers he calls armpits."

「要以他腋窝下那两股间歇泉来定义他。」

Every morning, I wake up in a cold...

每天早上，我在一个冷冷的...醒过来...

nevermind.

算了吧。

The easy-going teacher says,

随和的老师会叫我

"I shouldn't sweat it."

不用「太紧张」(sweat it: 是俚语，有忧虑紧张之意）

The loud teacher says,

大声的老师会说：

"YEAH YOU SHOULDN'T SWEAT IT!"

「是啊！你紧张什么吗！？」

But even the empathetic teacher doesn't understand.

甚至连有同情心的老师也不明白。

I've got funny teacher potential.

其实我有潜质成为一个搞笑的老师，

I used to pretend the notes I confiscated in class

我以前会把课堂上没收的小纸条

were thank you letters.

装作感谢信来读，

Acknowledgements of my great teaching.

把它们当作对我精彩教学的感言。

"Oh ho ho, you shouldn't have!"

「哦，呵呵 ，你太客气了！」

Until I intercepted one about a Mr. Stank Pits.

直到一次我没收了一张关于「臭水坑先生」的纸条

No, really. You shouldn't have.

不！你真是不应该！

Ever since I've started developing quirky habits

从那时候开始，我开始养成一些奇怪的习惯

to deflect attention,

为了引开人对我的注意,

to become someone new:

让自己成为一个全新的人：

the teacher who shrugs his shoulders

一个经常充满劲头地...

really aggressively.

耸肩的老师。

The teacher who tucks his tie into his pants

一个爱把领带塞进裤腰里，

and pulls the end out his fly

然后把领带末端从裤子前面抽出来的老师，

because he's so wacky.

因为他太雷人了。

But it's no use.

但这些都不管用。

Because I had the sweaty teacher, too, for geography.

因为我以前也有一个汗淋淋的地理老师，

And to this day I cannot remember the capital of Bulgaria,

到今天我都记不起保加利亚的首都是哪儿，

and the two bodies of water I know the most about

而我记忆最深刻的两片水域，

sat below his shoulders.

就坐落于他双肩以下。

And now, I'm the one

现在轮到我了，

looking like I've got the Atlantic and Pacific

我就如摔跤手般把大西洋和太平洋

in headlocks.

同时夹在我双腋下。

The one being asked, "How was the dunk tank?"

有人问：「『水桶鬼门关(dunk tank)』好玩吗？」

"There was no dunk tank!

「根本就没有水桶鬼门关！」

We live in New Orleans and it is humid!"

「我们住在新奥尔良，太潮湿啦！」

is how I'd respond if I was the angry teacher.

如果我是恼火的老师，我就会这样回答。

Instead, I look the kid in the eye

我却不是，我盯着那学生的双眼，

as the sweat cascades down my nose,

汗水瀑布似的流到我鼻子上，

and splatters onto his blank paper below,

然后飞溅在他桌上的那张白纸。

and I say, "I sweat because I am working my tail off

我说：「我流汗是因为我辛劳到喘口气的机会都没有」

and I need you to do the same."

「你，也需要同样地勤奋学习。」