Jill Sobule & Julia Sweeney: The Jill & Julia Show

譯者: Oby Wang 審譯者: Leonard Lin

♫ Jill Sobule: At a conference in Monterey by the big, big jellyfish tank, ♫

♫在蒙特利的一場會議裡，在一個大大的水母魚缸旁♫

♫ I first saw you and I got so shy. ♫

♫我見到了妳，但我非常害羞♫

♫ You see, I was a little paranoid 'cause I might have been high. ♫

♫妳知道嗎，當時我有些偏執，因為我可能已經"興奮"過頭了♫(藥物作用)

♫ And I hadn't done that in ages and I won't do that again. ♫

♫我已經好多年沒有"興奮"了，而我以後也不會這麼做了♫

♫ But that's another story. ♫

♫不過那是另一回事♫

♫ Loved you forever and I've been a big fan, ♫

♫一直都很欣賞妳，一直都是妳的超級粉絲♫

♫ the one-woman shows, I even rented "Pat." ♫

♫看了妳的個人秀，甚至還租了妳主演的電影"派蒂"(Pat)♫

♫ I got enough nerve to come up to you, ♫

♫我鼓起很大的勇氣走向妳♫

♫ but little did I know one year later we'd be doing this show. ♫

♫但我幾乎沒有想到一年後我們會在這裡一起表演♫

♫ I sing. Julia Sweeney: I tell stories. Together: The Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫我唱歌 朱莉亞史溫妮:我說故事　合:潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

♫ Sobule: Sometimes it works. Sweeney: Sometimes it doesn't. ♫

♫索布爾:有時默契十足。 史溫妮:有時混亂十足♫

♫ Together: The Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫合：潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

♫ Sweeney: At a conference in Monterey next to the big, big jellyfish tank, ♫

♫在蒙特利的一場會議裡，在一個大大個水母魚缸旁♫

♫ I first saw you and I wasn't so shy. ♫

♫我見到了妳，但我不怎麼害羞♫

I made a beeline for you and told you what a huge fan I was

我往妳的方向直衝，要告訴你我是妳的大粉絲

ever since I was writing that pilot for Fox, and Wendy

從溫蒂和我開始幫福克斯電視(Fox)寫首集電視劇本時

and I wanted you to do the theme song.

我就希望妳能來唱主題曲

And then the pilot didn't go and I was so sad,

但後來電視劇沒能上演，我很難過

but I kept remaining a fan of yours.

不過我依舊是妳的粉絲

And then when I went through that big, horrible breakup with Carl

後來，我和卡爾經歷了痛苦的分手

and I couldn't get off the couch, I listened to your song,

我就一直賴在沙發上，聽妳的歌

♫ "Now That I Don't Have You," ♫ over and over and over and over again.

那首♫"失去了你"♫聽了一遍又一遍

And I can't believe you're here and that I'm meeting you here at TED.

不敢相信妳會在這，竟然能在TED和妳相見

And also, I can't believe that we're eating sushi

我也不敢置信我們居然吃起壽司

in front of the fish tank,

而且就在魚缸前

which, personally, I think is really inappropriate.

我認為這非常的不適當

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

And little did I know that one year later ... ♫ we'd be doing this show. ♫

我真的沒有想到一年後 ♫我們會在這裡一起表演♫

♫ Sobule: I sing. Sweeney: I tell stories. Together: The Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫索布爾:我唱歌。 朱莉亞史溫妮:我說故事。 合:潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

Sobule: Hey, they asked us back! Sweeney: Can you stand it?!

索布爾: 嘿，他們邀我們再次表演。 史溫妮:你們受的了嗎?

♫ Together: The Jill and Julia, the Jill and Julia, the Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫合:潔兒與茱莉亞，潔兒與茱莉亞，潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

♫ Sobule: Why are all our heroes so imperfect? ♫

♫索布爾:為什麼我們所有的英雄都這麼不完美?♫

♫ Why do they always bring me down? ♫

♫為什麼他們總是讓我失望♫

♫ Why are all our heroes so imperfect? ♫

♫為什麼我們所有的英雄都這麼不完美♫

♫ Statue in the park has lost his crown. ♫

♫公園裡的雕像失去了王冠♫

♫ William Faulkner, drunk and depressed. ♫ Sweeney: Mmm.

♫威廉福克納(William Faulkner，諾貝爾文學獎) 酗酒又墮落♫

♫ Dorothy Parker, mean, drunk and depressed. ♫ Sweeney: I know.

♫多羅西帕克(Dorothy Parker) 也是刻薄、酗酒、墮落♫

♫ And that guy, "Seven Years in Tibet," turned out to be a Nazi. ♫ Sweeney: Yeah.

♫而"火線大逃亡"的故事主角則是個納粹♫

♫ Founding fathers all had slaves. ♫ Sweeney: I know.

♫建國之父們也都有過奴隸♫

♫ The explorers slaughtered the braves. ♫ Sweeney: Horribly.

♫探險家們殘殺了印第安勇士 (史溫妮:) 非常殘暴♫

♫ Sobule: The Old Testament God can be so petty. ♫

♫(索布爾:) 舊約聖經裡的上帝可以很小氣♫

Sweeney: Don't get me started on that. (Laughter)

(史溫妮:) 別再提了

♫ Sobule: Paul McCartney, jealous of John, even more so now that he's gone. ♫

♫(索布爾:) 保羅麥卡尼(Paul McCartney)一直都忌妒約翰(John)，現在約翰離開了，反而更忌妒♫

♫ Dylan was so mean to Donovan in that movie. ♫

♫在那部電影狄倫(Dylan)對唐娜文(Donavan)非常刻薄♫

♫ Pablo Picasso, cruel to his wives. ♫ Sweeney: Horrible.

♫畢卡索(Pablo Picasso)對自己太太們也是冷酷無情 (史溫妮:) 非常糟糕 ♫

♫ Sobule: My favorite poets took their own lives. ♫

(索布爾:) 我最喜愛的詩人都選擇結束自己生命

♫ Orson Welles peaked at twenty-five, below before our eyes. ♫

♫奧森威爾斯(Orson Welles)二十五歲時就達到演藝事業巔峰，但也在我們見證下逐漸發胖♫

♫ And he sold bad wine. ♫

♫還有他賣很劣等的酒♫

♫ Together: Why are all our heroes so imperfect? Yeah ♫

♫(合:)為什麼我們所有的英雄都這麼不完美?♫

♫ Why do they always bring me down? ♫

♫為什麼他們總是讓我失望♫

♫ Sobule: Heard Babe Ruth was full of malice. ♫ Sweeney: Oh.

♫(索布爾:)聽說貝比魯斯(Babe Ruth)非常壞心 ♫

♫ Lewis Carroll I'm sure did Alice. ♫ Sweeney: What?!

♫我很確定路易斯卡羅(Lewis Carrol)一定睡過愛麗絲(Alice)♫

♫ Plato in the cave with those very young boys. ♫ Sweeney: Ooh...

♫柏拉圖(Plato)和一群年輕男孩在洞穴裡 (史溫妮:) 喔嗚...♫

♫ Sobule: Hillary supported the war. ♫

♫(索布爾:)希拉蕊曾支持戰爭♫

♫ Sweeney: Even Thomas Friedman supported the war. ♫ (Laughter)

♫(史溫妮:)湯瑪斯佛里曼也曾支持戰爭♫

♫ Sobule: Colin Powell turned out to be ... Together: ... such a pussy. ♫ (Laughter) (Applause)

♫科林鮑爾(Colin Powell)則是個 (合) 超級懦夫♫

♫ Sobule: William Faulkner, drunk and depressed, ♫

♫威廉福克納(William Faulkner) 酗酒又墮落♫

♫ Tennessee Williams, drunk and depressed. ♫ Sweeney: Yeah.

♫田納西威廉斯(Tennessee Williams) 酗酒又墮落♫

♫ Sobule: Take it, Julia. ♫

索布爾: 該妳了朱莉亞

Sweeney: Okay. Oprah was never necessarily a big hero of mine.

史溫妮: 好。對我來說歐普拉並不算是個大英雄

I mean, I watch Oprah mostly when I'm home in Spokane

我是說，當我回斯波坎探望我母親時，我幾乎都會收看歐普拉秀

visiting my mother. And to my mother,

而對我母親來說

Oprah is a greater moral authority than the Pope,

歐普拉是個比教宗還更有道德權威的人物

which is actually saying something because she's a devout Catholic.

這點很特別，因為她是個虔誠的天主教徒

Anyway, I like Oprah -- I like her girlfriendy-ness,

總之，我很喜歡歐普拉，喜歡她那種像女孩般的友善

I like her weight issues,

我喜歡她面對體重問題的態度

I like how she's transformed talk television,

我喜歡她對脫口秀的改變

I like how she's brought reading back to America --

我喜歡她把閱讀習慣重新帶回美國

but there was something that happened the last two weeks

但過去兩個禮拜發生了一件事

that was ... I call it the Soon-Yi moment:

這件事我稱為"順宜"(Soon-Yi) 瞬間

it is the moment when I cannot continue supporting someone.

在這一瞬間我不能再繼續支持某人

And that was that she did two entire shows

就是她有整整兩場秀

promoting that movie "The Secret."

都是在宣傳電影"秘密" (The Secret)

Do you guys know about that movie "The Secret"?

你們知道這部電影"秘密"嗎?

It makes "What the Bleep Do We Know" seem like a doctoral dissertation

這部電影讓"我們他X的懂什麼"看起來像是個博士論文

from Harvard on quantum mechanics -- that's how bad it is.

像是個哈佛大學的量子力學博士論文 這部電影就是這麼糟

It makes "The DaVinci Code" seem like "War and Peace."

它讓電影"達文西密碼"看起來像是小說"戰爭與和平"

That movie is so horrible. It promotes such awful pseudoscience.

這部電影太差勁了，它所推崇的是糟糕的偽科學

And the basic idea is

它的基本概念是

that there's this law of attraction, and

有一種"吸引力法則"

your thoughts have this vibrating energy

而你的思維都有這種活躍的能量

that goes out into the universe

散發到整個宇宙

and then you attract good things to happen to you.

你會吸引好的事情到你身上

On a scientific basis, it's more than just "Power of Positive Thinking" --

從科學角度來看，這不僅是"正面思考的力量"

it has a horrible, horrible dark side. Like if you get ill,

它有著極為恐怖的黑暗面。 就像是如果你生病了

it's because you've just been thinking negative thoughts.

是因為你一直有負面的想法

Yeah, stuff like that was in the movie and she's promoting it.

沒錯，這部電影都是這些玩意，而歐普拉卻是在幫它宣傳

And all I'm saying is that I really wish that Murray Gell-Mann

我想說的是，我真的希望默理蓋爾曼(Murray Gell-Mann，諾貝爾物理得獎家)

would go on Oprah

能夠上歐普拉秀

and just explain to her that the law of attraction is, in fact, not a law.

跟她解釋"吸引力法則"其實根本不存在

So that's what I have to say.

我要說的就是這些了

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

(Applause)

(掌聲)

♫ Sobule: I sing. Sweeney: I tell stories. Together: The Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫(索布爾:)我唱歌 (朱莉亞史溫妮:)我說故事　(合:)潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

♫ Sobule: Sometimes it works. Sweeney: Sometimes it doesn't. ♫

♫(索布爾:)有時默契十足 (史溫妮:)有時混亂十足♫

♫ Together: The Jill and Julia, the Jill and Julia, the Jill and Julia Show. ♫

♫(合) 潔兒與茱莉亞秀，潔兒與茱莉亞秀，潔兒與茱莉亞秀♫

(Applause)

(掌聲)