5 steps to remove yourself from drama at work | Anastasia Penright

譯者: Yi-Ping Cho (Marssi) 審譯者: LoHsien Huang

Alright. I have a close, tight-knit circle of friends.

我有一群很要好的朋友。

We're all in different cities and we're all in different areas,

我們全都住在不同城市， 在不同領域工作，

from local news to city government

從地方新聞、市政府、

to law, financial services ...

法律到金融服務業等等。

And despite those different areas,

即使領域大不相同，

we seem to share similar stories of workplace drama.

我們好像都會碰到類似的職場鬧劇。

Now, I define workplace drama as

我說的職場鬧劇指的是

an annoyance that adds additional stress to the job.

讓你工作壓力增加的麻煩事。

So again, it's when people get on your nerves,

所以讓你很煩的是人，

not the job itself.

而不是你的工作。

So as we're going through these stories,

我們聊這些事的時候，

我意識到我們和同事 應該用更好的方式共處，

I'm realizing there has to be a better way for us to coexist with our coworkers

without this much drama.

來避免這種鬧劇。

So I created a few steps that have been working for me,

所以我建立了幾個 對我來說很有效的對策，

and I'm happy to share them with you guys today.

很榮幸今天可以分享給大家。

Step 1: rewind and reflect,

第一步：回顧和反思，

also known as, "What did I do?"

也就是要想：「我做了什麼？」

I want you guys to all replay your most recent workplace drama situation

請大家回想最近一次的職場鬧劇，

in your head like a movie.

像電影在腦海重播。

Ignore all of the emotion and just focus on you.

忽略所有情緒，只專注在自己身上。

But for now, let's just think about this hypothetical:

現在讓我們來假想這個情境：

say you're on a group project,

你和一群人一起做某個計畫，

you each have your own individual assignments

你們每個人都有各自的任務，

and then you all divide up the work.

也都分配到一部分的工作。

But then someone becomes unresponsive --

然後有個人突然都不回應，

not answering calls, they go ghost.

不回電話，跟鬼一樣消失了。

Then you or someone else has to now pick up that additional slack.

所以你或某個組員現在 就得接手這個額外工作。

So in a brief, small, very tiny lapse in judgment,

所以在非常短暫的判斷後，

you vent to the nearby coworker.

你跟旁邊同事抱怨了一下。

Then all of a sudden, your ghost comes back,

突然之間，那個鬼回來了，

and they surprisingly know everything you just said.

神奇的是，你剛說的每個字 他都一清二楚。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, what did I do in this situation?

我做了什麼？

I vented to someone who was not my confidant.

那個人又不是我的閨密，

Why would I do that?

那我為什麼要找他抱怨呢？

Sometimes we create this unspoken bond with people

有時候我們和人 建立這種心照不宣的約定，

that only exists in our heads.

只存在我們的大腦裡。

They don't owe me their discretion.

他們沒有非得要保密不可，

I just assumed it was there.

只是我以為不會走漏風聲。

So we're not going to go down a rabbit hole,

所以我們沒打算抽絲剝繭，

trying to figure out why they did that.

試圖搞懂他們為何這樣做。

不重要了，反正他們都做了。

It doesn't matter. They did it.

But the goal in this step is self-reflection.

但這一步的目標是反思。

We need to focus on what did we do

我們要專注在自己做了什麼，

so we can avoid it in the future.

讓自己避免未來重蹈覆徹。

Step 2: come back to reality,

第二步：回到現實，

also known as, "It needs to stop."

也就是說：「該停下來了。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So you guys ever think about problems before you get to work?

你們在工作之前 會想像發生各種狀況嗎？

Oh -- it's just me?

噢，只有我這樣嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Well, I'm guilty of it.

嗯，我真的會這樣。

I think about all of these situations in my head,

我會想像各種情境，

and then I get mad just thinking about it.

然後光是想就氣得要死。

So I'm telling myself, "No, you're just being prepared, Stacy."

所以我跟自己說： 「你只是在做準備而已，史黛西。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"You are just making sure that you can handle

「你只是在確定自己可以掌握一切，

whatever they're about to throw at you."

不管他們丟給你的是什麼。」

But you're not.

但你不是真的在準備。

What you're really doing is setting yourself up

你在做的其實是在陷害自己，

and creating this anxiety in your head

在腦子裡創造這種不存在的焦慮。

that doesn't exist.

Then we also have to be careful about

我們聽別人捏造故事情節的時候

listening to other people's made-up scenarios.

也要很小心。

Here's what I mean.

我來說明一下。

Let's say you're in the break room,

比如說你在茶水間

and you're talking to some coworkers.

跟幾個同事聊天。

Then, all of a sudden, another coworker comes in.

突然間有個同事進來。

Now, they seem to just be in deep thought --

他好像陷入某種深度思考，

not overly cheerful, but they're not rude.

不是太開心，但也不是沒禮貌。

They come in, they walk out.

他走進來又走出去。

Then the coworkers over here begin to diagnose

然後其他同事就開始下診斷，

what they feel is wrong with that person.

自認這個人出了什麼問題。

They're saying things like,

他們會說：

"Oh, they're just mad they didn't get the job."

「他只是因為 沒拿到那份工作在生氣。」

Or they're saying, "Oh, no, no, no --

或是說：「不不不，才不是，

during this season, they're just always upset."

這個季節他們都很憂鬱。」

And you're sitting here like, yep, that must be it.

然後你坐在那心想，對，一定是那樣。

You're listening to this as if this is facts.

聽起來好像他們講的都是事實一樣。

Meanwhile, this coworker can be in deep thought

同時，這個同事可能是在深度思考

about literally anything.

任何可能的事。

They could have just opened a pack of Starburst,

他們可能才剛開了一包軟糖，

got four yellows back-to-back,

連續拿到四顆黃的，

and they're just trying to figure out what happened.

然後認真在想怎麼會這樣。

（笑聲）（掌聲）

(Laughter) (Applause)

But you're over here listening.

但你在這裡聽這些。

And you're listening to their made-up scenario

你在聽他們捏造的劇情，

that now can impact

現在可能會影響你

how you choose to interact with that person throughout the day.

今天要選擇怎麼和這個人互動。

Whether we're creating fake stories in our head

不管是我們在腦裡杜撰故事，

or listening to other people's made-up stories,

或是聽別人捏造故事，

it needs to stop.

都該停下來。

The goal in this step:

這一步的目標是：

stop stressing over things that haven't happened.

別再擔心還沒發生的事。

Alright. Step 3:

接下來，第三步：

vent and release.

發洩和放下。

It's good to have a vent buddy.

能有人聽你訴苦很好。

This is your coach, your cheerleader,

他是你的教練、啦啦隊、

your therapist,

諮商師，

whatever you need them to be in the moment.

他們是你現在需要的那個人。

This is not like that person in Step 1 that just happened to be in earshot.

他們不像第一步那個 剛好在你旁邊的人。

You have an established relationship with your vent buddy.

你和死黨已經建立了友誼。

Now, here's another scenario.

接下來是另一個情境。

You're getting ready to tell a customer or a client

你準備要跟客人或客戶

something that they just don't want to hear.

說一件他們不想聽的事。

So, as you're in the middle of this spiel,

你滔滔不絕地說這件事的時候，

up comes another coworker,

來了一位同事，

and they interrupt you

打斷你的話，

and then says the exact same thing you were saying.

然後完全重覆了你剛才說的話。

You can't make a scene in front of a customer.

你不能在客人面前跟他吵起來。

所以他們這樣做的時候， 你只能往後坐，跟著聆聽附和。

So you just have to sit back, "Mm-hmm," and just listen as they do this.

And you're burning up inside.

但是你怒火中燒。

So what do we do?

所以我們會怎麼做？

We go to our vent buddy.

我們去找死黨。

We talk about it. We get mad.

跟他們大抱怨、生氣，

And that's the time for that. Get mad.

現在就是生氣的時候。

Get angry.

抓狂、

Curse, scream,

詛咒對方、鬼叫，

do whatever you need to do to get it out.

做任何可以氣消的事。

Now here's the hard part:

現在來到難的部分：

you then have to switch that tone to positivity.

你得要把口氣轉為正向積極。

I truly believe in positive and negative energy,

我真心相信有正面和負面能量，

and it has a way of controlling our moods throughout the day.

這些能量能夠控制我們整天的情緒。

You've got to think of things like, "OK, where do I go from here?

你們要想：「接下來我該怎麼做？

What can I do differently?"

我可以有什麼不同作法？」

And then, if you're the vent buddy,

然後，如果你是那個死黨，

it's your responsibility to lead your friend back to the positive.

你的責任是引導朋友恢復正向。

Now, the other hard part:

另一個困難是，

you have to then apply those learnings to the situation.

你要把那些所學的事 套用到這個事件。

You can't carry that resentment around.

你不能帶著怨念到處跑。

If you do, that one-off situation now becomes a pattern.

如果你這樣做，那個單一事件 就會變成重覆的模式。

Pattern behavior is harder to ignore than a one-off situation.

模式化的行為比單一事件還難忽視。

The goal in this step is,

這一步的目標是：

"Let's turn our vent session into a productive conversation."

「讓我們把發洩時間 轉變為有生產力的對話。」

Step 4:

第四步：

learn a new language,

學習新的工作語言，

also known as, "We need to talk."

又稱為：「我們得聊一聊。」

Guys, I personally don't like to pick up the phone at work.

我個人不喜歡工作的時候接電話。

I just don't.

我就是不喜歡。

I feel like whatever you need to say to me can be an instant message

我覺得你要說的話都可透過傳訊息

or an email.

或寫電子郵件解決。

That is my work language.

那是我的工作語言。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The only problem with that,

唯一的問題是，

you can't hear tone through an email.

你不能從信裡面聽到語調。

I read emails the same way I speak,

我讀信就跟我說話的方式一樣，

so I'm pretty sure I've misinterpreted some tones before,

所以我很確定自己 曾經錯誤解讀別人的語調，

unless I know you.

除非我了解你。

So here's an example.

範例如下。

I'm going to show you guys an email, and I want you to read it,

我先讓你們讀一下這封信，

然後我再唸出來。

and then I'm going to read it out loud.

Alright, that was fast enough, you should have read it.

嗯，很快，你們應該唸完了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Stacy,

「史黛西，

Thank you for reaching out about my group.

謝謝你這次支援我的小組。

At this time, we will not need any additional support.

這次我們不需要任何額外協助。

Going forward, if I feel we need help, I'll ask, you won't have to reach out.

從今天起，如果我們需要幫忙， 我會提出，你不必伸出援手。

Per my last email (attached below),

如同我前一封信所說（如後附），

I've outlined what I do, and what you do,

我會略述你和我該做的事，

so we can avoid this in the future.

這樣我們未來就能避免 這種事再次發生。

As always, thank you for your partnership!!"

再次感謝你的合作。」

Guys ...

各位……

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

That's how you read it?

你們是這樣讀這封信嗎？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Guys, there are certain words in there

各位，這裡面有幾個用字遣詞，

that if you hear or if you see in an email,

如果你聽到或在信裡看到，

it is safe to assume they typed it with their middle fingers.

最好預設他們是用中指打這些字。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I didn't know it then. I know it now.

之前我不知道，現在我知道了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I think I messed up some people's emails. They're correcting them.

我可能害很多人要改寫他們的信了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

With all of that said,

話雖如此，

you have to know when it is time to pick up the phone.

你得知道什麼時候該撥通電話。

You have to know when it is time to have a face-to-face.

你得知道什麼時候該當面談。

And these face-to-face conversations are not easy.

當面談不容易。

They are difficult, but they are necessary.

雖然很難但還是得做。

The goal is to try to understand the other person's perspective.

目標是試圖了解對方的觀點。

So you'll start the conversation with things like,

所以你可以這樣開始談：

"OK, you got upset when I ..."

「你不太高興，因為我……」

Or you'll say things like,

或是說：

"OK, you already had the situation handled,

「你已經處理好事情了，

and then I ..."

然後我……」

So that way, you can see exactly where they're coming from.

這樣一來你就可以 明確看到他們角度。

Also, don't try to make people like you.

還有不要試圖把別人變得跟你一樣。

We all have our own upbringings. We all have our experiences.

我們有各自的教養和經驗。

And we all have our own communication styles.

我們有各自的溝通方式。

As the new generations are entering the workforce,

新世代進入勞動市場時，

we're also adapting to it.

我們也會適應。

Meetings are now emails.

會議現在變成電子郵件；

Emails are now texts.

電子郵件變簡訊；

Off-sites are now Skype.

外部會議變線上會議。

So as we're adjusting to that,

所以我們適應的同時，

we need to at least try to understand

至少要試著去了解

what type of style of communication they use.

他們運用的溝通方式是什麼。

The goal in that step

這一步的目標是

is to really understand their work language

真的去了解他們的工作語言，

and accept the fact that it may be different than yours.

接受可能會和你不一樣的事實。

Step 5: recognize and protect,

第五步：辨識和維護，

also known as, "We need to take a walk."

也就是：「我們得出去透透氣。」

So here's my last scenario from one of my teacher friends.

最後一種場景是來自 我教師朋友的經驗。

You're about to have a meeting with a parent,

你正準備要和一位家長談，

and prior to it, you and a coworker, you kind of discuss it,

在那之前，你和同事在討論這件事，

and the coworker tells you, "It's alright, I got your back.

同事說：「沒問題，我會挺你。

I'm going to agree with your recommendations."

我會同意你的建議。」

So you're kind of side-eyeing them because they've burned you before,

所以你斜眼看他們， 因為他們傷過你，

but you've had the "we need to talk,"

但你已經和他們「聊一聊」了，

so you're like, "We're in sync now, I'm going to trust them."

所以你就想：「我們現在很合了， 之後要信任他們。」

You go through the meeting,

之後你去和家長面談，

the parent disagrees with you,

家長不同意你，

and like clockwork, the coworker agrees with the parent in front of you,

毫不意外，那位同事 在你面前同意那位家長，

making you look ridiculous.

讓你顯得很可笑。

Again, we can't make a scene in front of people, right?

同樣地，我們不能在 人家面前吵起來吧？

So you've got to hold it in.

所以你得要忍一忍。

And then, after the meeting,

面談之後，

that same coworker has all the audacity,

那位同事厚顏無恥地

comes up to you and says, "Crazy meeting, right?"

跑來跟你說：「剛真是活見鬼吧？」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yeah.

是啊。

They're testing you now. It's a test. (Laughs)

他們正在測試你，這是考驗。（笑）

So that's the perfect time to just go off, right?

所以現在正是大爆發的時刻吧？

This is a repeat offender.

他這是再犯了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You walked away, and they came back with it.

你走開，然後他們又再跟你提。

But we're trying to avoid workplace drama, not take a cannonball leap into it,

但我們想避免職場鬧劇， 不要帶顆炸彈又跳進去，

so we have to walk away.

所以我們得離開。

You lead that conversation by taking the first available exit.

你抓到時機就中斷對話。

You're not doing this for them.

你這樣做不是為了他們。

You're doing this for you.

你這樣做是為了自己。

You have to protect your energy.

你得維護你的精力。

Don't try to figure out why they would do this,

不要試圖去搞懂他們的行為，

and no more coming-to-Jesus conversations.

也不要再攤牌了。

It is what it is, they did what they did,

事情就是這樣，他們做了那些事，

and given the opportunity, they'd probably do it again.

再給他一次機會， 他八成會再做一次。

But you now know that.

但你現在知道了。

You now recognize that.

你辨識出這件事了。

So that way, you can act accordingly.

如此一來，你就能應對得體。

We typically try to set expectations -- our expectations --

我們通常會試圖設定一些期待，

我們對別人的期待，

on other people,

and then get disappointed when they don't follow through.

他們沒做到我們就會失望。

We have to learn to accept people where they are

我們得學習接受別人的處境，

and adjust ourselves to handle those situations.

調整自己去掌握那些情況。

The goal in this step

這一步的目標

is to recognize when it is time to professionally walk away from someone.

是去辨識在職場上 什麼時候要遠離一個人。

Guys, I realize these steps may come off as saying, "Take the high road."

我知道這些步驟可能會奏效， 像是「別跟他們計較」一樣。

And people always say it. "Just take the high road."

大家都會說： 「別跟他們計較就對了」。

And they describe it as some elegant path of righteousness

他們把這方法講得像是 正直優雅之途，

filled with rainbows and unicorns.

充滿彩虹和獨角獸。

It's not that.

可不是那樣。

It's embarrassing.

你會感覺很尷尬，很丟臉。

It's humiliating.

It leaves this knot of resentment in the pit of your stomach.

會讓你一肚子火。

And as you're traveling down this amazing high road,

你在這條不計較的路上前進同時，

you see billboards of things you shoulda said

你看見巨型看板上寫著

你早該說、早該做的事。

and things you shoulda did.

You go over there and you look at the easy road,

你走過去看著那條輕鬆的路，

and they're chillin', not worried about a thing.

他們悠哉的很，什麼也不擔心。

But I have to admit,

但我得承認，

the more I travel down this road, it does get a little easier.

我越常走這條不計較的路， 路就會越好走。

Petty situations, they don't bother me as much.

小事不再讓我同樣心煩。

I learn little nuggets here and there.

我東學一點、西學一點道理。

And as I continue down this path,

當我繼續在這條路上走，

there seem to be more opportunities waiting for me.

似乎有更多的機會在等著我。

I have like-minded people who want to connect with me,

有和我想法相近的人想和我來往，

projects that people want me on,

有人想要讓我加入的計畫，

leaders reaching out

主管和我聯絡，

because they heard about me through someone else.

因為別人跟他們提起我。

And the best part?

最棒的是什麼？

The need to even look at the easy road

想去看那條輕鬆路的欲望

is no longer there.

已經沒有了。

Guys, we're not going to change the way adults act in the workplace.

各位，我們不會改變 成人在職場上的行為。

We are not.

我們無法改變。

And for that reason, there will always be workplace drama.

也正是因此， 總是會有職場鬧劇上演。

But if we stick to these steps

但如果我們謹守這些步驟，

and put in the work that comes with it,

把它實踐在隨之而來的工作上，

we can learn to avoid it.

我們就能學會避免鬧劇。

Guys, thank you for being my vent buddies.

謝謝大家聽我發洩。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And thank you so much for your time.

感謝各位撥冗傾聽。

(Applause)

（掌聲）